261: Phony People Ft. Ron Funches

35:00He probably before dinner is there going to the son and being like, did you know that grandpa just killed that chicken? Did you see a little snowflake outside before dinner? That's who you're eating. Hillbillies only kill their food. Well, like it's probably happening right there in the moment. right out of earshot from everyone, which is crazier. Let's beat this guy up. Let's beat him up. Let's get him. It's just goofy. Goofy. Okay, I'm curious on your take on this next one because we're mentioning kids a lot and you've got two. I'm curious what you think of this concept because especially you being in the limelight, you got some status.

35:43Okay. How do you feel about sharing kids and just photos of them online? Oh, just my general belief in that? It's changed over time. I used to be much more open about it and would just use my social media like a regular photo album. So any of myself I would post. And I just had to learn over time because you get different comments or people you go through and you see someone has saved this picture. and it's like why would you need to save this picture yeah exactly so then you learn um i don't believe in putting like the little heart over the face or anything like that to me um now i just have like a side thing where just me and my friends and family where we share that type of stuff and then the rest of it i just keep my kids out of the spotlight out of the public because A, they didn't ask to do that.

36:41They were just born into whatever. If my sons decide later they want to, that's their decision. And then B, when people know something that you love, they can use it against you. And I'm just not very good at regulating my emotions when it comes to people saying things about my kid. And if you're online and you say too many things about my son, I'll find the phone number or the place you work and I'll call you. That's so fair. So I can't be doing that. No, you're Papa Bear. Like you want to protect your little ones. Yeah. Okay. This one is coming from A-I-T-A-H and it's titled, Am I the Asshole for Photoshopping My Nieces and Nephews Out of the Pictures I Posted Online?

37:22My 27 female sister-in-law, my husband's sister, who's female 38, decided about a year ago that she does not want her kids' faces posted on social media. She still posts them almost daily in family photos, but always with stickers covering the kids' faces. I only post on social media for special events. My friends list is mostly family and a few friends from back home, Middle East. My grandma especially loves logging into Facebook to see pictures of my kids. She often messages me afterward to talk about them and sometimes even shows the photo to her group of friends back home. She has told me this.

38:03I am okay with a bunch of grannies seeing the pictures. At my son's fifth birthday recently, I was taking photos. My sister-in-law approached me and said she does not want anyone online to see her kids' faces. I said I understood. Later, she told my husband, 40 male, that she thinks it is weird that we are okay with exposing our kids online and that it is just bad parenting. My husband laughed and said we are not Instagram famous like her since she does have quite a few followers and that no one really cares. How many? Oh, I wish he told me how many. He basically just told her to relax. Instead of putting stickers on her kids' faces, I photoshopped them out of the pictures before posting online.

38:53My grandma sometimes prints photos and stickers would just look odd. Also, my sister-in-law does not want her kids' pictures posted online anyways. My sister-in-law called me furious. She said that I was being a vindictive asshole and that it looked like her kids were not at the party or did not matter. My husband backed me up and said that she was overreacting. He told her that I respected her wishes and did not post her kids pictures online and that I do not owe her an apology. Good husband. My sister-in-law blocked both of us. My mother-in-law says we should explain the misunderstanding better and just apologize to end this argument.

39:41Do I owe her an apology? Was I an asshole? No, absolutely not. You did what she set up, but that's what I would say the issue here is the Instagram fame, is that people like that want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to post their kids on their terms and put the stickers on their faces uh and then they also want to be like respect my privacy but here's the mystery of like you don't know what my kids look like the hard thing isn't doesn't protect them at all if you're like worried about creeps creeps don't care about faces you know like they're still be perverted to your kids so you're not protecting them in that way like if you want to protect them like you said then she did the right thing by removing them but you want to have the thrill of the thing like I was we were at the party and they don't even care that's you that's her and her mind of like FOMO of like everyone has to know we were there well you got to pick a lane if you want to be Instagram famous and stuff then do that but you don't get to tell other people what to do with their pictures I mean you had already lost me from the get-go of you don't get to go tell someone else that they're bad parents for how they raise their kids.

40:59Every kid's an individual. You don't know what works best for their kids. That's one of the things I learned before I got my diagnosis is just learning to do what was best for my son who had autism. And some of that was the exact opposite of what people thought that you should do for a kid. So you don't tell someone else that they're a bad parent for how they choose to protect their children or how they choose to celebrate their children. They're clearly the asshole the mom knows that she just don't want to deal with it she's been dealing with it for however long she's been born so she's like it's easier to ask you to apologize than to ask her because I'm gonna have to hear about this until Christmas when we get out of there for Christmas but you gotta just tell her you know who your daughter is don't put this on me now it ain't my fault it's also like I think we like to be like oh just be the bigger person to the one that's usually a victim in a situation.

41:55A lot of times because we know how irrational and hardheaded and just goofy that other person is. And it's easier to make the person be the bigger person when they have sense. And it's like, yeah, let me guilt you into apologizing for no reason to placate the crazy person. It doesn't make sense. It's like she has her rules for her kids. OP followed them, but what? Like you're unhappy that she followed your rules? And I find it interesting. I didn't think about this until I saw this comment. So someone goes, not the asshole. That is crazy. She can't have it both ways. And OP actually responds and says, my husband says she wanted the stickers to make a point out of it.

42:45Quote, My kids are protected. Look at me. I'm a good mom. Mother-in-law thinks she feels like we eliminated her kids. You didn't eliminate her kids. The picture still exists that if she wants to show that picture off. The original, yeah. She can print it and put it in her house or a photo book for her kids. She's not posting them on social media anyways. This is on your personal social media that you have very few people on. Why does it matter? I mean I just gotta say after we went through that last post is that I love this relationship between this husband and wife they got each other's backs either even behind the back they talking each other up defending each other yeah like that that'd be the one takeaway is like man at least you got you got the strong family unit really the rest of it don't matter to me so So congratulations.

43:40I know. Good partner. Good boundaries. You don't often see that. You see like one of the people kind of siding with their family of origin to be like, okay, okay, like let's just put out the fire here. There is a comment here and someone goes, don't post my kids. OP then doesn't post her kids. No, not like that. Not the asshole. Someone responds and goes, maybe just remove their heads. no stickers just headless bodies which is weirder that's even weirder and so someone actually responds and they go i actually saw a picture of someone who removed their head for anonymity a few days ago and it was creepy as fuck and then someone chairs down and they go oh yeah thanks for the reminder about the big zucchini.

44:33It was in the absolute units subreddit. I had never heard about this subreddit, but apparently it's r slash absolute units and just big penises. That's what one would think. But it is actually lads that you're in awe at the size of absolute unit, an animal or public figure who is larger than we should normally expect. And then this person posted in this sub and they go, of a zucchini that we grew. And they posted a picture of their kid holding a ginormous zucchini, but they removed the child's head. Oh, that's terrifying. Oh, my God. It's scary. Yeah, the zucchini makes it worse. I know. That is wild.

45:29You didn't, you didn't like protect your kid in that sense by removing their head and making them a headless horseman. Yeah. No, if anything, you gave them a job to finish, to visualize. It's worse. They're going to like, okay, when I'm done, that's what it's going to look like. Like literally all you had to do is lean the zucchini up against the bar stool that's also in the picture to demonstrate the size of it. That's true. You did not need a headless child for that. This is terrible. Please turn it back towards you. so I'm like I I just find this to be such an interesting dilemma we're now facing with social media and kids and pictures it's like I don't think the asshole I actually think you did it right no it sounds like the other person just has main character syndrome and they just need even need at your kid's birthday to have a reason why they are the story yeah we don't have any mention about how many social media followers she has I bet it's not that many I bet it's under 10 grand 10k and she's acting that goofy it's so odd people ask me because i've like talked about wanting kids and stuff now and people are like are you gonna show your kids and i'm like i don't know i feel like a baby picture like when they're little new like there's they just all kind of look like potatoes i'm like i feel like that's okay yeah i post different little events like when i do my christmas card sometime i'll post our christmas card yeah i like that so you'll see maybe you've seen my son when he was born and then one at a year and then one at three years but i just don't not daily i don't post that much either so it's like i don't know but it's an interesting concept of people that are like i'm not going to show my kid online and then they're still showing their kid online and like the heart doesn't fully cover the face it's like either do or don't yeah but i don't know that's maybe that's my hot take for the day Yeah.

47:16I mean, different strokes, different folks. But that would be the whole point is you then can't, let's tell another parent what to do with their kids. That's the base level answer for me. I'm with you. Okay. This next one. I think I got this same blanket. Did you get it from Spotify? Maybe. Was it a present? Yeah. Yeah, this is my Spotify blankie. I got a few from them. They give pretty good blankets. Pretty good blankets. Yeah, they gave me a sign one time, a little light up sign. Was it that sign over there? The recording sign? Yeah, that's it. We're on the same list. The same mailing list. Okay, this one is coming from r slash relationship advice.

47:59So just another general relationship advice sub. It's titled, my 24 male, girlfriend, 22 female, and her sister, 20 female, are both pregnant with my children. Whoa, this is fun. Neither of them know about the other. I want to do the right thing. Too late for that. Throw away account because my brother and a few in real life friends know my username. I have done a terrible, terrible thing. I have made a terrible, terrible mistake. I'm really not looking to be judged here, but I know it's going to come no matter what. I found out the same day about both of them being pregnant. I've been with my girlfriend for two years and her sister and I hooked up around three weeks ago.

48:50It only happened once and she told me that she was on birth control. Obviously not. My girlfriend and I have been trying so I do know it's mine. Her sister says hers is definitely mine because she hasn't been with anyone else in two months. I convinced my girlfriend to wait to tell people for a couple of weeks and her sister said she's going to wait for me to tell the family. I need to come clean. I need them both to know early on so I can sleep at night. I'm aware I'm going to be - Oh, sure. That's going to be happening. Yeah, once you tell them all, all your worries are over. You're just going to be like, oh, glad I got that on my chest.

49:37What do we have in front of the siren?

49:44I'm aware I'm going to be hated by their entire family and possibly all of our friends. I'm trying to do the right thing. If there is an option, even. Any advice is appreciated. the only advice i could give you to truly help you would be to start a reality show see if you can get this thing just going before you can convince them that like we're just going to stay a family together and i'm going we're going to try to see we can get both these kids delivered on the same day and sell this to the learning channel literally it's it is like sister sister wives yeah that really is wild it tell you so many things why would you if you oh i mean hey don't do this but b if you're going to do this why would you not have protection with the sister are you just trusting the sister that's willing to cheat and screw over her sister you're just like she's honest she's clearly going birth control what no she's the crazy sister who's jealous of her sister and now she's caused more drama and then the fact that the first response isn't even like well we better go get some plan b or go to a clinic but like well we just gotta figure out how to tell this she's been oh you are i know for you yeah sure telling them is gonna end your worries this is you your next two decades is fucked forever oh my god and like i just like that's i don't understand the sister i don't understand him i'm just like if you if you're gonna cheat like don't keep it in the same family like find someone else at least down the street yeah that's wild same house probably ew well they are young 22 and 20 yeah oh he could be going over to the parents house for both of them yeah oh and they were probably like worn the oldest sister they were like oh we don't like this guy and now they're gonna have two grandbabies from the same this is horrible I have like anxiety about this reality this possibility I mean I hope it's phony it will be one thing I hope it's fake if it's real then just thank you for making me feel that my life is less complicated really I think is what Reddit is for to read these stories and be like man it could be worse for me at least I'm not in this situation the post is seven years old it's vintage so it's not AI I don't think ChatGPT was around in these days we do have a couple comments from OP someone goes well for one be honest make sure they both know your girlfriend will hopefully leave you maybe they will both want an abortion or you might end up paying child support for both while everyone hates you for the rest of your life that's really the options they really broke it down there it is and op says i know she's going to leave me i've accepted that and began to prepare silently how could anyone stay yeah he's kind of like if they did then you wouldn't respect her um someone goes dear god please be a troll that's what i was hoping op says unfortunately not i'm going to be downvoted to oblivion soon so i hope i can get some advice before my post actually goes away.

53:26And someone comments back, remind me in nine months. Well, fortunately, we do get an update. Oh, I wanted an update. We do get an update. It comes just a few days after the first post. Again, this is from 2019. I debated on whether or not to post this since on the original post, I was bombarded with hate and threatening private messages, including a dox threat. However, a few people gave some really solid and helpful advice, so this update is for them. I posted last Friday afternoon. On Fridays, my girlfriend gets off of work at 10 p.m. I told her sister to come over at around 9.45 p.m. because we were going to tell her the truth.

54:12She agreed, and I waited. The anxiety I felt was tremendous, but I just kept reminding myself that this was all my fault and nobody else but me made that mistake. When the sister didn't arrive by 10, I knew something was up. My suspicions were confirmed when they walked in the house together at 10.15. They sat me down and explained the situation. Sister had come clean to the girlfriend and after a brief quarrel and anger, they decided to fuck with me to see how long I would keep the secret for. Props to them because I was completely blindsided. Girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, was very calm and had sister pack her a bag to go stay with her.

55:01I told her my friends and I would bring her belongings and furniture anywhere she wanted me to. She told me that she didn't want me touching her stuff and she would be moved out when I got home from work on Monday. Too long didn't read neither of them were pregnant they found out about me cheating and fucked with me i'm single now that's fun i like that a good story except for she's way too forgiven of her sister that was my first thing i was like she figured her sister quick enough to make it like a 22 minute sitcom episode i'd be an only child yeah it's like no okay i'm not gonna pull a prank with you now But I guess like, what's that saying?

55:44When you hate someone, the enemy of your enemy is my friend? Yeah, but why is the sister and him enemies? They were both bad. I know. It's not like he took advantage of her. They just had sex. It must have been bad. It must have been really bad. She was like, it wasn't even worth it. I gotta go tell my sister. No, like it must have been really bad to the point she was like, oh, I fucked up. Like I got to tell her. So like this doesn't get bad in my favor. Like this, he was not good. Wow. I love that insight. I would not have thought of it that way. I mean, I don't know. Because like I think we've had a couple stories on Reddit where sisters do steal husbands.

56:31It happens. They do. So it must have just been not worth it. Grass was not greener. That's a double diss. Lost the girl and the other lady was like, not even good. Not even good. Wow. That's pretty wild. I'm glad we got clarity. So much clarity. 2020. Still though, best case scenario for him. No kids. And he learned probably a really, really valuable lesson. Yeah. He probably was just in his empty apartment playing video games that night. Breathing a sigh of relief. I know. Jeez. a glass of champagne to celebrate that. Yeah. It's so crazy. And he's single. And then he slept. And they could never take away from him that he slept with both sisters.

57:19Wow, he really won. Did he win at the end? I think he did. Damn. If you think about it, he kind of won. I didn't want him to win. He slept with both of the sisters. And they got out of the relationship. He's by himself with no child support. He's in his 20s still. He can go start a new relationship and still always being like, man, I slept with both of those girls. He kind of won. Unfortunately, I don't like when bad people win. Me too. But it's a fun story. I need hope that karma does exist because it has not attacked my enemy yet.

58:03life is long i've seen it before that's true i've had it happen have you yeah life is long okay be patient be patient i had a day like that where i ran into multiple people who were just shitty to me for no reason and they all like saw me after like a real positive thing had happened to me and so then it was like it was a real fun day it does happen i've seen it how did that feel It felt amazing. Did you just kind of like revel in it? Did you feel like you were walking a couple inches taller? Yeah. It's because it was in my old hometown around a bunch of people. Oh, hometown's always good. You'll never do it.

58:39And then they all had to be like, oh, I saw you on this. I saw you on that. I love that. So it was nice. It was so satisfying. People are going to be so excited to see you. Not the silent scream again. No. I almost did it and then I put my hands back down. No. If you know, you know. The silent scream thing has been haunting me. But my nails are fixed now. Okay, do it once. One more time, just for good measure. Oh my God, so good. Okay, Lauren's popping in for this next story because it is a special story brought to you by State Farm. As we know, life comes in all stages, crazy stages, happy stages, sad stages, chaos stages, all the stages.

59:18Whether it's getting a brand new car stage, maybe a new job, a new city, maybe the family is growing, Maybe you got your first home and you're so excited about it. Each one of these life events can bring change and uncertainty, so it helps to have someone, like a state farm agent, in your corner. And this next story, they need someone in their corner. This story is titled, Am I Wrong for Banning My Friend's Untrained Dog from Our New House? We recently moved from a rented property to our own house. Now, we have white carpets everywhere. and a white sofa. Our cat has white fur, so we had no choice in picking the sofa and the carpet color.

1:00:01Our friends have a large, untrained black dog. The last time they visited our rented property, the dog did his business in every corner, did number two in the middle of the room, and drooled all over our sofa. He also terrorizes our cat every time they meet. Like many pet owners, our friends believe their dog is an angel. This is now our own house, and we paid a lot for the sofa and the carpets. We also don't want our cat being scared in his own home. I should mention, they always take their dog everywhere with them, and they are our very close friends. We ask them to come to the housewarming party without their dog.

1:00:45Their parents live nearby, so leaving the dog for a day shouldn't be too much of a hassle. they are now mad at us for being heartless and it seems that they don't want to continue our friendship wow am i wrong for picking furniture and my cat over friendship no they they literally i'm just laughing at the absurd i know i i i want to come up with like a one-liner a zinger but i can't because i'm a i'm too caught off guard um no I I just think it's so crazy like I can't imagine like I know that I probably shouldn't say this because I don't have a child but like I feel like even if I had a child who I would love with like every fiber in my body if they peed in every single corner of my friend's place and then pooped in the middle of the thing I would understand if they were like I need some space can you drop your child off at like your mom's for the night you know i'm just envisioning a kid doing all this well yeah i'm like i would i would be like you know what like this is this child's my life i love our friendship i will have a night to have somebody else watch my child so we can get together we will work on this and i would and i want you to know that i would love to continue to have our child come along because we we bring our child everywhere so from now we'll have space we'll work on the problem and I hope that you give us another chance yeah and like the fact that like this is not a kid like this is also a dog that's my point that's why I'm saying that this is crazy it's ludicrous and I think it's so nuts to like okay your dog is clearly not very house broken and we have a new place with white carpet white sofa and it's a housewarming party there's going to be a lot of other guests yeah there's going to be maybe food displayed on the counter I don't need to watch your big dog Beethoven who's just wrecking havoc and deal with that.

1:02:47I'm just envisioning the drool and like stealing food off the counters. I love dogs, but this is not your house. And to end a friendship over it, you're a fair weather friend. And then, okay, let's say all of that was not even an issue. the fact alone that like if they from one animal owner to another one understand how much they love their pet then they should respect the fact that like there is an animal there that is very unhappy with the other animals so like you should respect that on like like on its own and and I even I can like relate to this because when I was fostering the last cat I was fostering I had two friends come over that had two small dogs.

1:03:32And when we went, I went to sleep in my room, they like slept on the couch and I woke up the next day and I was like, wait, why, why did the cat get moved into like what happened? And they're like, I woke up in the middle of the night to the dogs, just chasing the cat in circles nonstop. And the cat looked terrorized. And like, they were like, they were like these two little tiny dogs and they were like they were having the time of their life they thought that they just made best friends they didn't realize that the cat was tear eyes and i'm like looking i felt so bad and the cat the next day was like so like just cowering just off yeah and so i think and that's just a you know and this is their pet their home yeah like your rules yeah end of day and yeah true your rules this is like an exciting time you're having a housewarming party and they don't want to come and they don't want to be your friend anymore because they can't bring their moose of a dog with them that shits everywhere sorry that's just the way the cookie's crumbling so can state farm mediate this situation state farm help yeah so the top comment on this one not the asshole if their dog is untrained and urinating slash slash defecating in other people's houses.

1:04:50Your friends are huge assholes for continuously bringing the dog everywhere. I'd be embarrassed if I took my dog to someone's house and he ended up doing that inside. In fact, it did happen once when I brought my then girlfriend, now wife's dog to my parents. Dog pooped in the house. Never brought the dog to anyone's house after that. If they can't respect your house and your feelings on this, then you're better off without them in your life yeah that's why i'm saying i'm like even no matter how much you love anything like if if they can't be potty trained in somebody else's house you got to take a step back and be like let's work on this like what's going on you know like actually even the same dog another friend when she babysits that dog sometimes because she also has animals they they start smelling each others and start like so she actually when she babysits them she has them wear diapers diapers smart yeah so i have a dog diaper yeah i think more people should put diapers on their dogs yeah so i just i saw i saw a dog traveling through the airport today i saw a dog just lift its leg and pee on a wall that dog needs a diaper it probably was literally smelling like human piss and was like, Mark in this one.

1:06:07I don't know. It's LAX. So insane. Well, thank you State Farm for this story. Whatever stage you're crossing into, know that State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need. With State Farm, you can focus on what matters most, knowing you're prepared for whatever may come next. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Do you have any secret family recipes? I mean we have a family My mom has a family sweet potato pie recipe I have a baked macaroni and cheese And then a potato salad That would be my specialty You've got the good comfort foods Sweet potatoes One of my favorites Mac and cheese Yes Would you be willing to share any of them?

1:06:51No Damn What's yours Morgan? I have a couple different ones It's my grandma's chocolate chip cookies. Fire. I've got a really good cardamom bread recipe. I don't even know if I've ever heard of this. Well, so it's a Swedish thing, but they make it in like traditional Swedish recipes. It's like buns, cardamom buns. But my grandma, maybe it's a Minnesota thing. Maybe it's like a Swedish Minnesotan thing. Classic. They almost make it where it looks like a challah bread, where it's like braided. And it's so good. so good I've got a few family recipes and I am willing to share them oh well that makes us different you can reconsider maybe I don't think I will we'll include you in the two hot takes cookbooks well then I'll take the cookies I'll take the cookie one I'll trade you for sure no you just said I could have it you didn't say I had to trade you said you would give it so it just seems like out of the goodness of your heart you should just give it to me and respect my boundaries I guess I did offer it free of charge I didn't really incentivize you to give me anything There's no trade there No bartering You're fun I'm a bad barter Okay So this is coming from r slash confessions It's a month old now Titled My mother-in-law is currently giving me the silent treatment Because I won't share a family recipe That is actually just expensive takeout That's fun That's so fun That's a fun story I'll die if I don't share this.

1:08:27Three years ago, I was supposed to cook for my wife's birthday dinner, and I completely torched the main dish. In a total panic, I drove to this Italian deli two towns over, bought two massive trays of lasagna, scraped the cheese on top so it looked messy and homemade, and hid the foil containers in the outside trash. I remember that episode of The Simpsons. Ski Moore Center did that. He made steamed hams. I think a lot of people do this. It was a hit like they wouldn't shut up about it best thing they ever ate Now i'm the lasagna guy every birthday every holiday. I have to drive 40 minutes round trip Smuggle this stuff into the house in a gym bag and transfer it to my own pyrex dishes when my wife is in the shower The issue is my mother-in-law asked for the recipe last week for her church potluck I didn't know what to do.

1:09:21So I told her I promised my late grandmother on her deathbed that I wouldn't write it down. She called me selfish and is actually pissed off at me. I feel like a total fraud, but I can't tell her the secret ingredient is$80 and a guy named Sal. No, it's easy. It's easy. What do you do? you let her in because then you build trust and confidence with her and you know you have an alliance with your mother-in-law I learned this after I should have done this stuff in the trade but now I get it and so that's what I would do is I would actually say I'm gonna teach you the recipe but I'm gonna need you come to me I'm gonna come you take her to the restaurant before and then have her eat the lasagna and go like this is it please don't tell anybody else you gotta keep it a secret what if she's a snitch though that's the risk you running i guess but i don't believe she's probably old school because then she'll have something over the church people too so then she because then the only two of you have the lasagna and you're like oh he took me aside told me the story of why it's so important to him he shared it with me but now i can't share it with anybody.

1:10:39It's not my secret. It's not my secret to share. I cannot do that to his grandmother's memory. You build trust and you got and double lasagna. I think that's the move personally. I kind of like the way you're thinking. I was like, I just find a fake recipe. And that's, that's what a lot of the comments say. They're like, just give her a random lasagna recipe. She don't know. She don't know the taste is different. I know when everyone is just like, just express disappointment when it never turns out the same. But I kind of like this. I do, like having a little bit of a bonding moment between your mother-in-law.

1:11:13Yeah, you're still keeping a secret from your wife. It's just a fun secret to have. It's not hurting anybody. But then now you two are in on it and then she knows. Even when this guy keeps secrets it's just lasagna. It's just lasagna? Yeah. Huh. Would you ever go on Survivor? No. Why? Because I like food. Well, they have coconuts. That's not enough. And some rice. No. Sometimes they get a chicken. I like protein, veggies, and a nice rice. I like sleep. I like eight hours of sleep. I know. I like indoors. I don't even like the beach. I don't like the beach on a regular day. I know. That's my problem.

1:11:51I don't really like being sandy and getting in the ocean. And if you accidentally get some water near your mouth, it tastes like corn on the cob. Yeah. I'm like really, I know, I have a hard time with that. I like to have a hotel near the beach. Mm-hmm. That's wonderful. Do you still like to go in the pool, though, over the ocean nearby? Yeah. I mean, I will go into the actual ocean, but then I will go in the ocean, get out, and then I'm done. We're done. The beach for me is like 30 minutes. What's your drink of choice at the beach? My drink of choice is the same everywhere. Water, Coke Zero, Coke Zero and water.

1:12:27I like both those things. Do you like the taste of water? It's the one thing. I just have a really hard time with the taste of water. Do you not drink enough? I'm chronically dehydrated well if you don't drink enough water then you won't like the taste of water you gotta drink you gotta get used to the taste of it when water tastes bad to you that's a bad sign hmm I'm gonna have to think about this for a while hmm I just like don't you don't like the taste of it so drink more yeah I mean there's other There's like a YouTuber who got made fun of a lot because he never drank water and he drank water and he spit it out and had to like wash it down with soda.

1:13:12And people were telling him it's because like you've gone too far. There's only a couple of brands that I do like, like very selective. But like. Which one? You don't want to say because you don't have a brand deal? Not yet.

1:13:29I really like Liquid Death. I love all waters from Iceland. like they just taste really good you could like take your little water bottle you go up to a waterfall there in iceland and just drink straight from the source that's legit i like sparkling water but that doesn't necessarily count but there's still real water why does sparkling water count a lot of people say it doesn't count i think they're wrong just because it's sparkling they think it doesn't count well because they're like it's purified and purified water is bad for you you should be drinking spring water that's true you do want minerals you want natural minerals Yeah, I watched that Zac Efron documentary where purified water leaches minerals from you.

1:14:06Would you have watched it if it wasn't Zac Efron? Mm-hmm. Nice. I like that. Yeah. He did a good job in it, though. I don't know. I'm unaware of it. I don't watch many things. No? Mm-mm. I watch mostly pro wrestling from the early 2000s, and then I Love Lucy and King of the Hill. And then occasionally a show will grab me, and then I will watch all of it. But other than that, I should have known I had autism a long time ago, probably. wrestling from the 2000s yeah that's a good one I love Lucy's good I miss TV land when I was growing up I had TV land on my TV and I would watch Mr. Ed the Andy Griffith show um I dream of Jeannie but which like I would watch all these old shows why aren't why haven't those made it to the streamers yet it's a good question they really pick and choose I mean I love Lucy is on Paramount plus which makes sense um but yeah so many of them are hard to find it's the one thing that sucks is when you when you have the option of everything and so the value is lowered and you lose that discovery of just like oh i'm forced to have this cultural knowledge of green acres and benny hill because that's what came on and what my grandparents were watching you know i miss that type of stuff i know i do too i feel like there was one show i was really surprised you can't even find now on streamers.

1:15:24It was like, is it Westworld? It's like an HBO show about like AI real life like robot people. That's not findable. Apparently. It's happening. It's going to happen more and more. Physical media is coming back. I want to get a VCR. You should. I'm like when I have kids I just like want a little TV with a VCR. I've still got all my old movies. We'll let them pop it in. They don't get instant gratification. They got to rewind those tapes. Like we're going to really have to work for it. Yeah, work for it. Yeah, work for RTV time. Question, though, about sharing information. Sure. Did you, you know when you and Rob were playing chess in there?

1:16:01Did you ever feel like he was close to telling you? Because, like, everyone in hindsight has been like, it seemed like Rob was about to tell Ron that he was a traitor. I don't think he would have ever told me directly, but I do think that was him both fishing and at the same time probably feeling a little bit of the weight of it because it is hard to, I mean, I wasn't a traitor, so I wouldn't know that aspect of it. But I imagine if you are a good person, like I know him to be, it is hard to continuously just lie to a bunch of people. And then just even the way he ended up not voting for me, which was so fun.

1:16:42And I loved watching it play out when I already knew that he had won, you know, and watching everybody be like, oh, he just ruined his game. And why would he do that? And I'm like, hey, it is smart gameplay. Everybody was already starting to think that Lisa was a traitor. So why would he not vote for her? And then B, it also just was like, he's a good person. He could see that people were being a bit rude to me and isolating me. And he knew that if he had voted for me at that moment, that I would have been like, you too. And he was like, I don't want to do that. Now, watching you eat alone, like, I was just like heartbreaking for so many of us.

1:17:20out there i appreciate that it's like everyone needs a little recharge but like you you got bullied yeah i agree with you but it led to great things because then other people who could see what was going on um even through some of the you know editing which makes it like you know yeah the edit of it all too yeah so to have people still be like oh we see what's going on and that's not cool they clocked it made me feel really good yeah and the amount of support and love i've gotten from it outside of it to me and she's like you know bad we could work you don't always like the people you work with i'm i'm cool with that um i just would never have made it that personal i wouldn't not have eaten um you know when second day i figured out donna was a traitor still hung out with her still ate with her you know there was no reason to me to over a game to ever treat people the way some of those people treated me no it's insane and there is a little bit of the glass half full with it where like it literally led you to kind of discovering things about yourself like autism and you like then can relate more to your your child and I saw I think it was like the today show you went on or CBS or CBS morning show yeah yeah and you were like it was just kind of nice because like now with my my son like I'm in the pool swimming with him like I get it now and it was just a really cool analogy so it's it's nice that at least that came out of such a tumultuous experience yeah yeah I agree with you it's just you know I'm glad people got to see it and got to see me and I'm glad of what I got to see in myself that I stuck to my goal that I never liked.

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1:20:27Learn more at Nintendo.com slash Nintendo Switch 2. Games and systems sold separately. Some Nintendo Switch games may not be supported or fully compatible with Nintendo Switch 2. Games rated E for everyone. To anyone that I always, that I still tried to play the game and be helpful, even when other people were mean to me. And that I could show something to my sons and go like, even when you're under stress and duress, like this is how you act as a man. This is how you treat people. I love that. That's a really, really good point. And amazing that that was your goal, too, to go in and like, I'm going to just be me, not lie.

1:21:05And you held on to that. I love that. Okay, I've got one last story for you. Okay. Okay. This is pretty recent, coming from a couple weeks ago. It is titled, Am I the Asshole If I Ruin My Sister's Honeymoon by Telling Her That Her Husband Was Caught Kissing Someone Else? Throwaway account. My sister was recently married over the weekend, and she is now on her honeymoon in Aruba. She asked me before she left to develop the disposable cameras that she had on each table for the guest to take their own pictures of the reception. It was an outdoor event in which I was the maid of honor. Everything was beautiful.

1:21:48No problems at all throughout the whole night. At the end of the night, each guest went to their respective lodgings as it was a remote wedding near a hotel. My sister texted me instructions to pick up the disposable cameras from the coordinator and have them developed because she wanted to put together a slideshow when she returned. I had them developed and I was flipping through them and I came across an image of my brother-in-law kissing a mysterious woman. I've stared at this photo for what must be an hour and I can't place the woman he's kissing. Once more, it's kind of blurry, like maybe it was taken in a hurry, sort of out of focus, but just focused enough that I can place his face.

1:22:32There's no doubt about it. This man is my brother-in-law. This is my sister's husband. From the tux to his loafers to the wedding band, I've flipped through the rest of the pictures and he is the only one wearing a very specific tie that's sort of a running joke between him and my sister. I've started passively asking around about this woman at her wedding, and I told our side that I wanted to reach out to her about some services that she said she provided. Obvious lie. But no one knows who she is, and she is only in two photos. One is a side profile. The other is her kissing my brother-in-law.

1:23:09This was a very passionate yet secret kiss. It was taken outside of the tent where the reception was held, just far away enough that no one would have seen them near the tree line. They're holding each other. I don't know if I'm taking this out of context. Maybe I am. My brother-in-law is a great guy, so I don't like that I'm automatically jumping to conclusions, but this is a very uncomfortable photo. The way it was taken was suspect too, because it's slightly out of focus. Why? Like whoever took it knew that they were catching something inappropriate. For reference, the outdoor restrooms were near the tree line.

1:23:48Unfortunately, there's no way to trace who used each disposable camera. It was a spur-of-the-moment idea my sister got after watching a TikTok, so I have no way of asking the person who took the photo and how they came across them and why. But I have a nagging feeling. Would I be the asshole if I called her while she's on her honeymoon to tell her what I found? Should I wait until she returns and present her with the photo. I can't supply more details here because I have family members that actively use Reddit. Any advice would be appreciated. Another TikTok trend fucking everybody's life up. I mean, why would he think it's okay to kiss the mistress on the disposable camera?

1:24:32That to me makes me feel like there's got to be something more to it because Because even if you were cheating, A, why would the person you're cheating with want to come to your wedding? Oh, it's their last shot. You think so? Oh, yeah. Okay. They're in there right before he walks down the aisle. I'm willing to believe that. Choose me. Pick me. But then I don't think that they're going to, like, kiss someone openly out at this wedding. I know I understand they're saying it was out. to answer the question I would wait and I would just put the photos with the with the slideshow and just you you're devious in the slideshow?

1:25:15yeah why not? so she finds out the first time as she's clicking through a slideshow what if everyone's there? then to me that's the time you want to do it cause A you're not gonna be he's not gonna be able to prepare and come up with some weird lie oh that's true You have backup to be like, what is this? Or see, you know what it is. Who knows? Maybe she knows who that is. I don't know. I mean, some people kiss their cousins on the mouth. Could be a cousin. Could be an ex or something. I don't know. Hmm. I don't know. I don't know either. I... But I wouldn't ruin their honeymoon. I know. Definitely not.

1:25:48No. Some people would probably be like, well, they're on their honeymoon. They're away from the world. It would give them a chance to hash it out. But I'm like, ugh. Her life's about to blow up when she gets back. Let her have one nice week in Aruba. Yeah. Just one nice week. I don't know if I would be ballsy enough to do the slideshow. I think that's a little wonky. For me. For me. I understand. You kind of give pot stirrer. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you could handle that. Yeah. My anxiety would be too great. But I'd wait until she gets back and just like say, hey, can we go grab dinner? Can we catch up?

1:26:26And I'd. slide the photo across the table and be like, do you know this person? Maybe the side profile picture first. Do you know this person? And then if she's like, oh yeah, that's John's cousin, Melissa. Then you don't even go with the second one? You say, are they pretty close? Like kissing cousins close? And then she's like, why do you ask? And then you slide the second one across the table. I like how you're a good detective. Slide. Yeah. Yeah. I love a clue. Yeah, I could tell. Love a clue. Love a plot. You were like, boom, I'm going to lead you and then hit you with the big bomb at the end.

1:27:07I like your style. I don't think you're doing much different than what I'm doing. Just not out in public. Yeah. I don't want to, because I love my sister. I wouldn't want to embarrass her. She's excited to relive her wedding, which was so fun. And then all of a sudden it's like, bam. Well, I mean, also my reasoning for the slideshow aspect of it then is to me, I don't want to look like a weirdo who's like. Suspicious. Yeah. I want to just be like, I just, it was in here. I didn't even know. And like, oh, this is an issue? Oh, I didn't know. I thought that was okay. I mean, you took a picture of it.

1:27:43Yeah. It was in the pictures. It was in the pictures. See, that's my point of it. I don't have to be like, boom, because then I don't want him to be like, oh, that's so-and-so. No, no, no. Yeah. Oh, I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. It was a dare. I took that picture. Yeah, or something, whatever it could be. Yeah. Some people are swingers. They could be swingers. That's what I'm saying. And you just don't know. Exactly. The wedding day is a wild day to swing, but... Yeah. I don't know. Just another Tuesday or Saturday for them. Yeah, exactly. Top comment on this one. Well, you would be the asshole if you didn't tell her at all.

1:28:18but since you are planning to let her know, the time and place is really up to your discretion. So not the asshole, I guess. But for safety reasons, it might be for the best to wait until after they come back from the honeymoon, at least in case the worst case scenario, then your sister will be closer to family. I'll take your word that your brother-in-law is a great guy and you probably think he's never been violent, but don't let your guard down just yet, considering that he now might not be the great guy you all came to know. Better safe than sorry. No one knows what this man is capable of when emotions get high.

1:28:52Men have the worst reputation. They're immediately like, he might kill her. Like, what? It's going to go that far that quick? That's wild. But I'm not saying that it won't happen, though. You know. But we got bad rap. We got bad rap. Even for me, I will say that's a bit of a stretch. That feels like Elastigirl. Like you're really, you're pulling there. Someone responds though and said, sad, but excellent comment. I don't know. No, I feel also sometimes when you go on a date and, I mean, I understand having a check-in and being like, oh, I want to check in safe. But sometimes the lady will tell you.

1:29:30And I'm just like, well, then maybe we just should have never gone on this date. If you feel like you're not safe, then you should go home where you're safe. I got a true crime podcast called Clues, and I learn a lot of crazy stuff about these cases every week, and you can't be too sure. No, I agree. Like, sometimes, you know, people flip a switch, and you just, people, you know, snap. No, I agree. Protect yourself overall. I understand. Yeah. Yeah. Someone goes, wait until you can tell her in person. If you tell her while she's on her trip, he's going to deny, deny, deny, deny with plenty of time to put the blame on you.

1:30:07in the meantime keep searching for the mystery woman and op responds i do plan on finding this mystery woman and i hope that i'm seeing this photo out of context but i won't give her the photos or say anything until she returns yeah i wouldn't keep start to me that's what i'm saying you don't know the context of the photos so why search for the woman like just present the evidence you have yeah you don't need to now you're out there playing detective then it's just like this is a thrill for you. I know you're kind of trying now a little too hard. Yeah. Like if your sister deems it worthy to look further than let her.

1:30:45Yeah. I know. OP is like, I'm waiting to hear back from a few people who might know her. There is a guest list, but it may raise concerns if I ask for it. I don't want to do anything rash. Yeah. But like, she's already considering like, oh, there's a guest list. Yeah. I could look at that. Yeah. She's too, she's too into it. She's No, she didn't just wait, give these pictures, and then other than that, just leave it alone. Also, if this is a mistress or someone he's been cheating with, I don't think she's going to be on the guest list. She could have been a crasher. That's a good point. You don't know.

1:31:18Yeah, she would have to be real dumb to be like, also put me on the guest list. Yeah, she's not on that guest list. We do get a little bit of a mini update. I've gotten a few comments about the photo. Blurry, maybe is a hyperbole, but he was holding this woman while kissing her. Hands on the small of her back and one just above her ass. So yes, they were intimate. Also, from the comments I'm receiving, I won't be sharing what I know until she returns. There were some comments about my brother-in-law painting me as the bad guy if I tell her now, which is valid. I'll continue to look for this mystery woman in the meantime, but for now, I'll keep this on the DL.

1:31:57So far, I'm the only one who knows. it almost makes me feel like less is going on because of the hand on the small of the back that's kind of an intimate spot it's intimate but if you're if you're out there cheating on the thing you're gonna put the hand on the ass oh you're going full cheek i think so if you're going for it at that point you're catching a quick passionate thing in your highness or you're going boom boom boom get a little get asked to before you get out of there yeah but if you're just doing small in the back to me that's less intimate i i could see that now thank you um maybe we'll do a poll on this one do you think he was kissing a cousin or some relative maybe crazy aunt lisa came by and wanted to kiss on the lips or is he cheating i think it's a third option.

1:32:52What's that? Swinger? Either Swinger or this was an old lover of his that was still important to him. And she obviously thinks that he's important to her. And so they had this like embrace that's kind of like them being like, well, I'm letting you go off into your marriage. But they had this little embrace. I can see that. I'll put a poll. You guys can vote. We'll see what we think. I love a poll. Me too. Ron, Thank you so much for coming on. It was fun. This was so fun. Yeah, this was so good. What else are you working on? Do you want to share anything? Do you want to send everyone a certain direction?

1:33:33Yeah, I mean, my YouTube is good. Anything Ron Funches on all socials, just go and do that on YouTube, Instagram, wherever, TikTok, and then come see me. I'm on a road. I'm on a tour, my faithful tour, talking trash about some of the people from the traders and then talking about my life and my family. It's a fun show. It's doing very well. So come and buy tickets. I'm going all over the United States. So, and also the UK. So come see me. We got some UK fam. RonPunches.com for that. I love it. You're doing like Netflix is a joke. I saw your schedule. Your lineup, you're busy. I stay busy. You're booked.

1:34:11I'm busy. I try. I love it. Got to be. All of Ron's links will be in the description. Super easy to find. Check out a show. the stand-up bits incredible I mean there's so much I could hit on with your your stand-up I love the fact that you're into conspiracy theories the koala thing really scared me but really really really fun stand-up so be sure to check it out you guys and other than that until next time bye

1:34:51Thank you.