263: Friendly Advice Ft. Nadine Bhabha

31:46Should I be having it on a date? That's neither here nor there. But he was there listening to me have this conversation, like kind of negotiating back and forth, whatever. And then I got off the phone. I made a nice chunk of change. And he was like mad. And we're not even together. But the energy had really shifted. And a couple weeks ago, actually, I was on this date with another writer. And there was like this energy. There was an energy there of like well I'm doing this and I'm doing that and I'm like cool that's great that's great how many siblings do you have like we don't need to be talking about work like you yeah there was like an energy coming at me almost like a competition yeah like let me establish that like I'm here at this level yeah this is all these things I have going on this is like almost do you feel people do it to like gain respect off the bat where it's like here's where I'm at is it an ego thing?

32:41It's interesting because if that's the case, then it's like, why are you so disturbed that I'm working? You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. Like, where is this coming from? Yeah, I don't know. There's like, I do find a lot of people, they're going back to like identifying as things, like find a lot of their identity in their job and the label of their job. And so I feel like when it's like, oh, my wife or my girlfriend is a CEO and I'm just like the director of sales. Like it feels bad. I don't know why people get like that. Have you found like going on dates and stuff? Do people get worried that like you're going to be gone somewhere for six months?

33:25Like have you noticed that like because you as an actor, like you don't know where you're going to go. You don't know what part you're going to get, how long a shoot is going to be. So you could literally be gone for six months or three months or two months like you just there's so much up in the air with your career. How has that played into dating? I think for me, I'm very upfront with how I like to be in a relationship. I'm very separate. I love spending time with people, but like soft long distance really works for me. Oh, what is soft long distance? That's like I'm going away for three months for a job and we know I'm coming back.

34:02Okay. So it's like when you come, it's like a trip. If you come visit me, it's special. If I come home, it's special. Yeah. Not moving indefinitely for three years, but like soft long distance really works for me. So, I mean, if they're worried about that, they're not the person for me. Exactly. And I think that is her. I think you've gone to this point where you're striving for more. You want this for yourself. You're excited. It doesn't matter why you want this. You want this. And that's okay. And you figure it out. And I think you're just on different pages with this guy. It's really being in a relationship is so weird.

34:40It's like you are an individual separate person. And for some reason, the universe, whoever created the universe made it so that we crave love and intimacy. And then you have to take another separate independent person and mash lives together. Yeah. When we have literally the whole world at our fingertips, it is the strangest concept. I'm supposed to sleep in the same physical bed as you for the rest of my life? Absolutely not. It's weird. It's so odd. I truly am like one of those people like I believe in a soulmate. My husband doesn't. Which is kind of like this weird concept of where you like I kind of crashed out for a while where I'm like, but what am I?

35:27Like you're just like, what? But I think like if you kind of look at like science and like, oh, the multiverse could be real like this point in time or like what if the butterfly effect affected this timeline that we're on? And that's why we met and that's why we're together. Like it is an interesting concept. And now I can't sleep. I don't sleep well alone now. But then I'm like, well, what if he needs a CPAP machine? What if I need a CPAP machine? How am I going to sleep next to him? Yeah. It is an interesting concept. And like changing your brain to think not selfishly is hard where it's like, I want to do this.

35:58But now I've got this other person I have to consider. Like, it is hard and it takes a lot of growth to get there. And it's a muscle. You got to learn how to flex it. Yeah. And if these people are having problems at this stage, I'm like, oh, you're in for a world of hurt. Yeah. This is just a promotion. Yeah. Which is a good thing. Yeah. Imagine, like, a tragedy happens. Or kids. Who's going to stay home? Totally. Not him. Is it automatically going to be you because you're the one having the baby? Yeah. Like that's where it's really tough. Really tough. The comments on this one are on the same page as us.

36:33It sounds like you've outgrown him. Take the job and leave the boyfriend. He's straight up telling you that he's inflexible and that if life throws you a curveball, he won't be there for you. He's not long-term relationship material at all. Congratulations on your promotion. Oh my God. Savage. I like it. Next comment. He doesn't want a simple life. He wants a stagnant one and he's trying to dress it up as a relationship concern. So you feel guilty for outgrowing him. I know the simple life thing really. I I'm allergic to when people say that because I'm like, what does that mean? I know. Like you just want to live on a little homestead farm, make your own butter.

37:13Like what is the simple life? When men mention a farm to me, I'm always like. Is this coming up a lot? It's yeah. Is it a new thing? Everyone's always trying to like, I'm going to quit this whole life and go live on a farm. I'm like, you wouldn't last two fucking seconds. Farm life is hard. You're going to, you can't wake up before 11 a.m. You're going to work on a farm. Your hands are too soft for that. Yeah, you can't connect your Bluetooth to the freaking speaker. You're going to go work on a farm. I've seen you chop an onion. You're going to go work on a farm? Uh-uh. I don't think people understand what goes into farming.

37:47No. Like farmers are the backbone of this country. I'm like, I don't think you understand what goes into it. I'm like this, the, the diminishing of what working on a, living on a farm, working on a farm is for, for like literally these like lost souls who are just kind of like, oh, my corporate job is so annoying. I'm going to go live on a farm. If I was a farmer, I'd be like, take my name out of your mouth. I don't get why that has become like the thing. And I'm like, I don't, maybe it's like the Nara Smith of it all where people are like, they're watching her make her gum. And it's like, oh, this is so great.

38:21I want to make my own gum and popsicles. Didn't we learn anything from trying to make sourdough for like five years? Farming is not for the faint of heart. It is not. No. And I'm like, do you want a couple of chickens? Like what, what, what has it been then? What does it mean? Literally, my friend literally lives on a farm and chickens get eaten by coyotes like every day. Oh yeah. And it's devastating. Yeah. It's like not easy cool. No, I just saw a guy on TikTok. He had a cow and the cow was, it wasn't going to make it. I'm like, that is, that's farming. It is heartbreaking and sad and hard. And then they're like, oh, I'll go live like off the grid.

38:56Off the grid. And wash your own clothes on a washboard. They don't have one battle after another in the frigging forest, dude. You're never going to make it. This is the thing. I'm like, why do we, why are we trying to go work so hard when we've created all of these modern luxuries that can be so nice? It's because people forget about balance. It's like this, we're talking about lack of nuance. They forget about balance. They forget that you can literally just drive to a lake, spend a couple days there, or you can just move closer to a physical lake and also work your regular life and then just at 5 p.m.

39:26say, I'm not working anymore. And then turn your computer off for the evening. That is one thing I miss every single day. Like walking into a hospital, doing my eight hours, getting my documentation done, walking out the door, done. Bye. Bye. Checked out like the luxury of being able to check out. Yeah. Oh, people forget that you can just say bye. Nothing's going to happen. I know. And I'm not like, you know, whatever. I'm sure lots of things with doctor can't walk out middle of surgery. But like, especially when you type on a computer as a job, just turn it off. Obviously, you know, we have to eat.

40:03You gotta you gotta make that money you gotta eat yeah but yeah I I think there's a balance of like you can have your cake eat it too you can have the job you can want to climb and get successful and do this and that and also still have a good life totally and to be clear we're not talking about people who work paycheck to paycheck no you do what you need to do you dream about the farm we're talking middle class complainers you know I know it's tough tough gig yeah but Breakup I think I'm in the board of breakup Breakup It sounds like it's coming anyways Get out of there Get out of there Yeah Okay moving along to this next one This is coming from r slash true off my chest Okay So just people going and venting and just needing a place Okay It is titled He wants to call off my divorce because my cancer treatment was successful When I was diagnosed with testicular cancer he filed for divorce because he said it would be too much to take care of me.

41:02In my province, you have to live separately and apart for one year before a divorce is granted. Since he left, I've had surgery and chemotherapy, and my latest checkup shows no evidence of disease. When he found that out, I don't know how, he applied in court to withdraw the divorce application. He told me that we can stay married since I'm no longer sick. And he was actually shocked when I blocked the divorce withdrawal petition through my own lawyer. I don't want to be married to him after what he did. This is like the next iteration of like, again, what happens if tragedy strikes? Oh my God.

41:42It sounds like two dudes. Yep. Who should not be together maybe. People are really scared of like having to... Look, taking care of people is so hard. It's hard. Again, but try. I mean, there's so many, like, there are resources. I mean, caregiver fatigue is real. Totally. There's respite services. Yeah. But also, like, you didn't even know what you were dealing with. No. Like, testicular cancer, maybe he just gets surgery, loses a ball or two, gets an implant, and all is well. Like you got going before you even knew if it was going to be tough or like. And that's the thing where it's like you just you shouldn't be married.

42:24Like if you're a fair weather dater relationship person and you can't handle when things get tough, then just date for better for better. Don't be don't be monogamous. I know this is I mean, I could go on a soapbox about like what modern marriage means these days. And essentially, long story short, I think it means nothing. People people take vows that mean nothing. I think it's gotten really interesting. Yeah. And it's just sort of like, at what point did you think you were going to have to be there for someone? I mean, this is like, this is literally in the vows. Yeah. Like, in sickness and in health.

42:57Like, that's still a vow for a lot of people. And for me, like, I literally got married knowing that, like, if anything ever happened, like, I'm with someone who would not abandon me. I'm with someone who would wipe my ass. He's a keeper. He's a real one. but I think like sometimes where like people get married and it's like why like what is the motivation behind it like I just learned about the alpine divorce I don't know this oh my god it's horrible okay so it's this thing and it's I think it's coming to light now because there's a trial going on where this guy and his wife or long-term girlfriend went hiking up in the mountains.

43:37Okay. And he abandoned her there. Oh, that. He got himself down and she died. Yes. I didn't know it was called that. I didn't know this. It's like popping up right now where it's a thing. Yeah. This is like we're going off track a little bit, but I'm just like, people get married because they think that they should. I don't think every single marriage, hot take, I don't think every marriage is like for love. We live in a weird society where we don't need marriage anymore. Like it's not like two families coming together for financial purposes. The incentives aren't even great anymore. Yeah. Incentives actually can be really negative.

44:17Totally. For me, the institution of it makes no sense. Like I'm like, if you want to do it, you know, you still have to like for paperwork purposes. It does make sense for that. When you're in the hospital, it makes sense for that. Yeah. But like the institution of marriage, if you're going to go through all of that, you better be somewhat sure that you want to spend your life with a person and deal with the consequences of like sharing the world with them. And it's not like a puppy. I mean, this is not even you shouldn't even give back puppies. But yeah, but you can't just like give. I mean, you can in some ways, but you can't just like give back a whole person.

44:54They're like a whole like universe unto themselves. Yeah. You know, I know I kind of come from a position to where I'm like, I completely agree, like do it for the right reasons because like hospital stuff nowadays. That's not even reason enough because you can do a health care directive and make that person. Sure. And also common law gives you so many rights as well. Yeah. I mean, you can do your will and like make sure your estate is settled so it doesn't go to your next of kin automatically. There's ways around all of the things that previously were incentives for marriage and like tax purposes.

45:27there's not a great incentive for that for a lot of people totally like it it needs to make sense but at the same time i'm kind of in the boat of like i don't think divorce should be so frowned upon no where i'm like if you want to get married you want that whatever and people are like divorce is hard divorce is hard i'm like yes emotionally mentally it is hard but no marriage needs to be forever if it's not working anymore no it's an expensive breakup is what a divorce is again my parents got divorced, married each other again, divorce again. Really? Yeah. Is this where you're where you're coming from?

46:02You're just like, I've seen this before. I've seen it before. I've also just like been around a lot of divorces that weren't that big of a deal. You know what I mean? Where I'm just sort of like, oh, right. Yeah. It didn't work. People grow in different ways for whatever reason. I watched a lot of reality show TVs that were about like finances. Okay. There's one frick what was it called? It was called like till debt do us part. Oh And like more than 50 % of divorces come from a lack of financial understanding and Everyone goes into debt and then people get divorced And i'm like that is too frail of a reason for people to get divorced I'm, like we don't understand what marriage and like melding to lives mean.

46:48Yeah What do you feel it means? Like what is like is the bar just really high for you if you want to get married or are you like kind of like I don't necessarily need that? For me marriage is like such a non-issue that like if I was with someone who like really wanted to get married I would get married. If it was up to me I don't need to sign the papers. Okay. I just am looking for someone who just makes me feel like seen and that I feel like feels complicated. but the concept to me is simple you know it's like I smart funny attractive to me to me to you yeah um and like understands my way of thinking like we don't have to think the exact same way but you have to have understanding for how I think and feel and vice versa yeah you want the meeting of the minds yeah because otherwise how do you deal with that person how do you totally have fun And how do you have intellectual conversations?

47:42Yeah. You know, I'm an extremely curious person about the world. I move about the world as a woman, as a woman of color. You have to understand that. Like, there are just things that need to be in place. And then you can kind of be whoever, you know? Yeah, the intersectionality of it all. Absolutely. I know. Marriage is a big deal. It's a big deal. And we take it a little, we take it in some ways too seriously and too lightly. I know. the pendulum like I feel like daily swings back and forth in different directions like when I heard about the alpine divorce and like it's even just like people that are dating and like they'll go hiking with a partner and the the partner's walking too fast and she's like hey can you slow down he's like nah and leaves her yeah in fact we can get divorced I'm just like oh my god like I don't know yeah it's like we respect relationships not enough but then put too much pressure on them at the same time it's like we just need a balance we need a balance I mean you know there's like so many studies show that like again this is heteronormative but like men the subgroup that is the happiest with within men are married men and the happiest subgroup with women or single women and it's just like when so like this this gay couple this cancer couple i know it's so interesting because i'm just like one of you is in the happiest subgroup and one of you is not it's so interesting we do get some comments from op2 so someone responds i'm going to guess from this.

49:08The divorce wasn't the case of we divorce on paper, so medical bills don't screw our family. As such, what an asshole move. Dump them. No empathy. OP responds, my province covered everything. My only bill was for the TV to be hooked up in my hospital room after surgery. All of my medical stuff was covered by MSI. Yeah, because they're saying province, so they're Canadian. I don't know if there's other parts of the world that use province. maybe france but i feel like they're canadian it's like you don't have expenses for the most part yeah also jealous of that it is interesting how typically like men will leave their sick partner versus like a woman sick disability that's new like women will stand by and someone kind of comments that nurses are trained to counsel the recently diagnosed spouses of men about this.

50:04Men leave their sick partners at a far higher rate than women. Yeah. It's because women are like trained at a young age to be caregivers. Even me who like, I'm very caring. I'm like, I think a lot of my friends would be like, she's the mom of our group, whatever. But like, I don't want kids either. And so I'm like, part of me consistently wonders why I don't have that those same feelings when I see a baby I'm like oh like I don't do that and I'm just like oh is it like little me little Nadine was like rebelling against this concept of like we are just caregivers do you have siblings I do were you um like kind of the caregiver like almost like stepped in sometimes because like for me I kind of feel like I was like the parentification of it all where like I also helped raise my younger brother.

50:59I didn't help. I had great parents. I we there are situations in my family where I am like I have responsibilities and it's tough. And I feel like that's the extent of it. And I know what it's like to have to take care of people. I also like we had a dog for 12 years And I was like, that's enough. It's a lot. It's absolutely a lot. And I really appreciate like people just knowing what they want these days. Yeah. And not sacrificing that. It's just like everyone can do what they want to do. Totally. But not at the expense of your sick husband. No. No. And OP kind of responds to that and was like, I was actually warned about this by medical staff after my diagnosis.

51:43And I naively thought it would never happen to me. Mm-hmm. Well, we do get an update. It's coming three and a half years after the original post. Oh, my God. So the first post I read was actually posted August 28th, 2022. Okay. And this post just came from about a week ago. Okay. This year right now. OP says, my divorce was made official yesterday. It's over. Four and a half years of hell and being in limbo and now it is over. Last night was probably the best sleep I've had in years. Oh my God. Maybe only second to the day I was told there is no evidence of disease. I feel like shouting from the rooftops because I'm free.

52:27I was diagnosed with testicular cancer on August 30th, 2021. Seven days later, my ex-husband told me he was leaving me because it would be too much to take care of me and he didn't sign up to be a nurse. When I had my first appointment with the oncologist a few days after my diagnosis, I was given a warning about men leaving their spouses when there's an illness, but I never thought it would happen to me. Every person in my support group who was married to a man had it happen to them too. It was eye-opening. I spent almost a year going through treatment. I had surgery. I had chemo and it almost killed me.

52:58But in August of 22, I was told there was no evidence of disease. I don't know how he found out, but when he did, he wanted to call off the divorce because I'd gotten better. He was absolutely shocked when I moved forward with the divorce and did everything he could to drag it out. I'm so glad the court finally saw through his games and now the divorce was made official. Four years and six months after he left. I haven't seen or spoken to him in years and I don't plan to ever again. Still no evidence of disease. I got a new great job with the provincial government. I'm planning a vacation for my 40th.

53:33Most importantly, I'm free. Oh my God. That, I don't think I clocked that it was a week after the diagnosis. It wasn't included in the original. Nothing has happened. It's like, literally nothing has happened. Nothing. You don't know where you're at with like treatment or options. That's crazy. How bad is it even? Yeah. Like what? Yeah. That's insane. Also, like, I've never heard of a divorce taking that long. Four and a half years, like, That's half a decade. Yeah. That's insane. I wonder what he was doing to drag it out. Like postponing appointments. Because I'm like, COVID, like this is after COVID.

54:14Like, granted, we still were in like living with somewhat COVID in 2021. But like still, still like courts were back up and operating again. Like they did Zoom courts. Like I'm like, how did he drag this out for so long? That's crazy. I mean, that alone, I'm like, that's grounds for another divorce. There's a comment on the update. Happy you got rid of both cancers. Someone was waiting for four and a half years to say that. Uh-huh. Absolutely. Okay, moving on to this next one. I know you hate a label, but do you have like a specific love language or like a way you like to receive love? I like them all.

54:57I'm all the love languages. I'm like, give me the gifts. I'm like, I love a gift. An act of service. Yeah. I mean. Words of affirmation. Yeah. Oh, I'm with you. I like it all. Yeah. Okay. This next one is really interesting to me and it feels like there's maybe a disconnect between them there. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Season is changing. Time to clean out that closet and maybe make some extra money in the process. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell your clothes you no longer wear and get more value out of your wardrobe. It's super simple to use and with no selling fees.

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56:41So this is also coming from True Off My Chest, titled, My husband told me today he does not like the fun lunches I've been packing for him for work for almost three years. Crying emoji, crying emoji. I'm 26 female. We've been together for three years married eight months I'm not complaining about him I'm just a little sad because I genuinely thought I was making him happy and I put so much thought into it that i'm almost embarrassed I would sit on pinterest on sundays looking for ideas But when he saw me today, he told me the truth that he thinks it's embarrassing And leaves half of it in his office if he's eating with the other guys at work I always bake everything from scratch.

57:25So on Sundays, I do bread, muffins, cookies, etc. I was making them in shapes like hearts. He owns an entertainment law firm. So in baking, sometimes I did little law related designs on stuff. I know it sounds silly, but he's always stressed. So I thought it would make him smile. And I was also adding a note with a little Polaroid of me. Again, I know it's dumb, but I thought it was fun. He never said anything before now. I've been doing it since I moved in with him. He actually would prefer it if I packed everything normal. He just didn't want to hurt my feelings, is what he said. The worst part is, I was bringing this stuff in for everyone.

58:03And on his birthday, I made them all cupcakes with little edible briefcases on top that said 40, and I thought they all loved them. I always think things are cool that other adults probably think are weird. Even when I was 15 or 16, I was always immature for my age. I still wanted to do kid stuff, watch kid shows, and everyone had already moved on. Now I'm getting like war flashbacks from my friends making fun of me for it. I thought everyone would find my lunches fun, but apparently they're embarrassing. Also, he's a good husband. I understand where he's coming from. I just feel bad and a bit embarrassed.

58:40Baking my cookies and muffins in regular shapes tonight in sadness, lol. I'll get over it. I think I'm about to get my period though because I should not be crying over this oh my god that period excuse coming up yeah this one I'm sort of like well I get it when you're extra emotional you have feelings that's okay don't blame your period for just normal feelings yes I mean that's what I'm saying come on we do I mean look did I cry a little bit too hard at Hammond the other day because I was on my period for sure but yeah she sounds like she's having real actual feelings This would make me sad.

59:18I'd be crying. I, okay. I'm mostly sad for her, but I do have one question. Okay. It's interesting that like he's been harboring these thoughts and feelings without telling her for years. Three years, yeah. And I'm just sort of like, sometimes the gestures that we do for others are mostly for us. I'm not saying that like her packing him homemade lunch is for her. But I think maybe the aesthetic or like the way she's doing it is more for her than it is for him. Because if she like knew him a bit better, she might notice that he like hates the way that these are. At the same time, I'm like, I think he's kind of just a immature weirdo.

1:00:04I mean, if you're it sounds like a masculinity thing is like sort of wrapped up in the shape of a cookie, then you have some more inner work to do. it's this is like an interesting it's kind of complicated to me because I'm like he should be able to eat the briefcase shaped cupcake without um feeling like gay or something because that's what it sounds like where what is your feeling like you're embarrassed but like I understand the childishness of it all like I know shade to a Disney adult but like yeah do not understand like I don't like cutesy stuff. Okay. You know, like Hello Kitty has no appeal to me.

1:00:43Okay. You didn't get on board with the little boo-boos, huh? The word itself is nails on a chalkboard. Yeah, I don't like a cutesy thing. Okay. And so. You don't like a trinket? No. Come on. I like an ironic trinket. Okay. Okay. So if my partner was sending me like little cutesy things, I also would be like, stop. Okay. But an edible cutesy? Even then. See, I'm like, I love sweets. Dessert is me. Yeah. It's my middle name. Yeah. If I had one last food I could ever eat, it would be bread. Great. I mean, bread's amazing. So for this, I'd be like, shut the fuck up and eat your cupcake, bitch. The act of making homemade food is so lovely.

1:01:29Yeah. And I like that she's having the time of her life sort of like making these things. Sounds like she's living. Exactly. so I think like if I was the partner I'd just sort of be like well she's having fun good for her she's having fun even that even if I felt like oh I don't want to eat this like dog shaped sandwich you know what I mean because it's not me but we've lost a lot of whimsy in our lives bring back whimsy yeah especially men I would I like want men to be more comfortable with whimsy once I once I was um this guy asked me if i wanted to go to a cat show what does that entail it's like a dog show but for cats so it's like they're like picking them up and they're like they're like this this long oh my god furry like a competition i went to one recently it's so funny they're so and like the little feathers and they like get them to like jump and do exactly and i was just like god of course i want to go to that that's so whimsical it's so random and fun it's so random have been fun.

1:02:30That shit I'm into, I'm going to go to Bob Baker's marionette. Do you know Bob Baker's? No. Okay. It's in Highland Park. Okay. It's a marionette show and it's been around for decades. I love this. Yes. Whimsy. Whimsy. Okay. That to me is different a little bit than every day eating something pink. Does this make sense? Yes. Yeah. Like it's cute every once in a while, But if it's like every day and it's like, oh, my God, like it's over the top. Exactly. It's over the top. I think she needs to strike a balance. A balance, maybe. Of like, it's not like she has to make normal bread. She seems very disturbed by like regular shaped items.

1:03:12She went from a nice braided brioche to just a loaf. Square. Yeah. But I think the balance of like having fun decorating for special occasions or for herself. And he also needs to look inward and be like, well, a heart shaped cookie doesn't make me any less of a man. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know because I'm like as someone that I just like bought designer cookies for my husband's like 29 hour musical reading. I've never gotten so much compliments in my life. Like people were obsessed with a bougie decorated cookie. and so I'm like I don't even think like like if my boss's wife brought cookies in and cupcakes in every week I'd be pumped of course so I'm like I do think this is like just a him problem and it's probably not something anyone else finds embarrassing or weird except you yeah and I'm like I guess did you like save her from baking all this stuff yeah but like this is what brings her joy I know but now she feels weird and now she feels weird I'm like that's the problem there's stuff my partner does that I'm like, I don't, I'm not obsessed with it.

1:04:23Like he's obsessed with automating lights and he's like, I want to hue light. I want to, I want to have our kitchen pendants. Come on at 6 PM. Do I get off on that? No. Am I going to ruin his whimsy of automating all the lights in our house? No. So I'm just like, there's stuff that like you also kind of do for your partner because it brings them joy. And I'm like, this is one of them where I'm like, you should have shut up and just taken the cupcakes. He's, it sounds like he's a bit like Like, what's for dinner? She goes, soup or whatever. And he's like, ugh. And it's like, well, then you make dinner.

1:04:52You make dinner. It's a bit that. Yeah. You know? Probably one time, someone made a half comment about one of the shapes. Yeah. And it stuck with him. I know. I'm like, I want to know what shapes we're working with. The briefcase thing? That's sick. Yeah. I can't imagine she'd pick inappropriate shapes. He actually might find—he sounds like he might find a penis cookie funny. For sure. You know? And I don't think she would do that. She seems like she'd, you know, stick within the HR regulations. I guarantee you this is a Disney adult. I guarantee you. I don't know. And that's okay. And that's okay.

1:05:33As a Disney adult. Look, some people are. My sister loves Disney. I just like, I love, one, I love the food. I mostly go for the food. Great. Give me a beignet. Again, I love a sweet treat. I like light going. Yeah. But I'm not like about it. Yeah. Unless Disney's calling, in which case I'm a Disney adult. Oh, yeah. You're ready for your big Disney role. Yeah. Top comment on this one. Oh, man. I would have loved this if it makes any difference. I think that sounds like a lovely and fun gesture and I would have appreciated the heck out of it. I'm a lawyer. Do not give a fuck about what others think.

1:06:12Although I genuinely think my coworkers would have fawned over it. Someone goes, also a lawyer. And the people at my office would love this. Your husband's firm sounds a little stuffy. Yeah. Yeah. Could just be that. I think we, I just, it's like people have lost whimsy. That's mostly what it is. I know. I know. How do you get whimsy back? What's the first step to finding whimsy it's like i mean i have a pretty charmed life and in terms of like schedule and stuff like that so i can go to a marionette show in the middle of the day i like need to look this bob baker's marionette i'm also surrounded by people who love to giggle and sort of like yesterday it sounds like i have no um job i do i do work but yesterday we went we drove to venice and we like went shopping and then we got ice cream and then there was this penny hanging from a storefront and it then you looked up and there was this leprechaun's note and you had to like kiss the penny because it was St.

1:07:16Patty's Day yesterday and then we were like we're all we all probably have a disease but like oh my god without questioning it we just all kissed the penny one after the other oh you are brave you you must have a lot of faith in your immune system we didn't even consider like it was right afterwards because we're like oh my god the leprechaun's telling us to kiss his penny and then we kissed the penny and we were just kind of skipping along yeah lollygagging we're all in our 30s this is like adult women having an ice cream cone and kissing a loose floating penny and i'm like that's that's what being alive is about, you know, again, I'm not trying to impose my life on people who need to work and need people who like need more rigidity.

1:08:04But you gotta find your pennies in the world. And hey, even if you're working, you know, Monday through Friday, 40 hour weeks, you get sick days. And if you get to the end of the year and you have some leftover sick days, call in sick and go find some whimsy. My sister is a doctor. She's an obstetrician gynecologist and she moved her 24 hour call shift to come to LA to come with me to Elton John's AIDS Foundation Oscars party. And she bought a dress and we were being whimsical as hell. I love that. You know, you can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can absolutely do it. Find those pennies, guys.

1:08:45Wow. Yeah. I want to hear what you guys are all doing this week to find your whimsy small little things small small it doesn't have to be big it doesn't have to be a trip like a penny literally small literally you stopped you got yourself a slushy you bought the cookie that you wouldn't like what are you doing to find your whimsy yeah because i need some inspo too i got one last one for you here this is coming from relationship advice it's 11 days old titled i just found out my long-term boyfriend 23 male had saved explicit photos from my best friend 23 female. Okay. I, 23 female, met my boyfriend when we were just 14, dating since 15, and now we're 23.

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1:10:42Go to revolve.com slash THT to shop our faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com slash THT. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. of his true relations with my best friend, 23 female, but I choose to trust him when I would voice my doubt. I had his phone and went through it, not my proudest moment, and I found out that he had saved explicit photos in his Snapchat convo with my best friend. She was in the shower covering only her nipples.

1:11:25I love him and I'm scared to lose him. I don't know if I'll find someone who clicks with me the way he does ever again, but I need advice on moving forward here. This friend of mine will deny any attraction or assertion towards my boyfriend, but it's something undeniable. And I'm turmoiling between sadness and anger, all while feeling betrayed and frustrated for some of my doubts being confirmed. My boyfriend told me it was a mistake. He says he never solicited the photos, has no good reason for saving it, and regrets never telling me after it happened. He also swears to have never cheated on me, never sent anything back, but I can't see any other reason for him to have kept these photos other than for his own pleasure.

1:12:09This irks me, saving explicit photos of my best friend to get off to. While he didn't admit that, I just don't see any other plausible reason. He claims to be done with the lies, swears this is the full truth. These photos were sent in 2021 when we were 18 years old and it was during COVID. They have kissed before during a drinking game with some friends and my best friend's cheeks immediately blushed. I don't recall my boyfriend being visibly taken by the moment, but my friend's reaction was enough for me to lash out a bit. I don't have anyone to turn to for advice either. I'm embarrassed of this.

1:12:45How can I go to my friends and family and tell them about this? someone that they have seen me grow up with for years betray me and lie about it that's why i'm posting here i'm at a complete loss right now okay where to begin um first of all again not your friend your best friend girls girls we gotta pick but a girl best friend yeah yeah i feel like this is like a canon event though where you have a really close girlfriend at least my generation like growing up a millennial, I think like we've become more girls girl as time has gone on. But like, I think there was still inherently a lot of competition in the friendships that I had at 18 and 20.

1:13:29And it took some growing pains to find my girls girls and my best friends and not the ones that are going to secretly text your boyfriend behind your back and tell them you're cheating when you're not. I've had shit friends and I'm like, oh, you got to go through it but like at this point like you're still calling this person your best friend and it's not I'm gonna counter that okay let's go I've never had this incident never what year were you born no I'm not falling for that but I'm a millennial okay okay I have a sensitivity to this kind of like person and will not be friends with them god you just got a good read on people more intuition it's a burden because a lot of the time I have to wait for other people to figure it out they're like oh like Chelsea's like no she's like cool and you're like I think she's like also shy and then they throw tons of she has ADHD like they throw tons of things and I'm like and then eventually she you know you clocked it early and you're like I told you I wasn't fucking with Chelsea totally and I'm like she may have these things I've gotten there now but I didn't have that that's an intuition like for you to just have that that's special.

1:14:43I have gotten into so many like little arguments because I'm just like, I, I don't want to hang out with you because I think your vibes are off. Off. You have such a like sense of self that like not many people, like it takes years to develop that. I could not tell you where it came from. Genuinely. I think about this constantly because I'm just like, not, I was raised right but also I'm just sort of like I wonder where this like complete and utter abandonment for like how everyone else seems to have like formed okay I'm just sort of like this little dumbass who no no truly who just kind of like if you don't like that then never mind like take it or leave it yeah and it's like I because I also am sensitive to other people's moods and stuff like that.

1:15:33I don't know that the way that my brain computes, I can't do my taxes, but I am very sensitive to how people are. It's give and take. But yet you don't seem like you're an overthinker about it. It depends on the person and depends on the situation. I have if you want to hear stories of how I've completely made a fool of myself in the last week. OK, I'll tell you how long. Yeah, that's a different podcast. It's called Being a Fool with Nadine Baba. But like I there's something about a person I can see one film through like that like little layer that people put on when they're talking to people I can see just right through that and sometimes it's like I know that they're actually really cool it works in the opposite way too I'm just like once we get through this like tiny little layer they seem so cool and fun this awkward facade totally you just have to make them feel comfortable especially with girls not that I'm diminishing myself at all but like I'm happy to trip and fall because I feel like I have a bit of like uh I have like I know we don't say this anymore but I have a bit of resting bitch face I feel it yeah I'm happy to trip and fall so that you see that I'm also a clown and it's okay yeah and you you can feel comfortable around me and so I think my like goal in life is to put normal people at ease if you're kind of annoying I'm not going to do that with you but if you're in a room and you feel a little uncomfortable i'm happy to be the the the icebreaker totally i like that so you got to read on this one not your friend not your friend not your boyfriend the thing about clicking and not being able to find someone you will you you've been with this one for eight years you don't even know what else is out there there are seven and a half billion and a half something someone a lot of people google it um billion people in this world majority of them duds I just love how like god you're so you're so candid you're just you're with it yeah like you're not you're gonna have to wade through a lot of people however there are so many people that you will be able to click with over the course of your life you're gonna change they're gonna change we don't need to be bogged down in my best friend sent nudes to my boyfriend he's kept it moving on I mean it's red flags all around How did he get those nudes?

1:17:56Why did she feel comfortable enough to send them? Did he solicit them? I have a hard time believing there was no lead up to that From him There's no interjection from him To get those nudes And even if she was being a chaos A little bit of a chaos demon or something I'm just going to send this whatever Let me throw a wrench in there Literally bye Life is both long and short Life is too short to be with people that we don't feel comfortable around. Yeah. And life is nice and long. You will find someone else to click with. Completely agree. You know? Completely agree. And you're 23. You're like the best age.

1:18:32It starts to get so fun. You are 42 more incidences like this away from finding your person. I don't even care what age you are. I'm like, don't waste another day. If you have an inkling and you're like, I know this isn't, but it's fine for now. No, do not waste another day. Also, I'm like, we don't know where she lives or anything. I'm like, get out of your environment. If you're in a small town or something, get out of there. Experience life a little. That's like one thing I'm so proud my little brother did because he's like, nope, I want to live in Duluth, Minnesota my whole life. I never want to leave.

1:19:05I don't want to do this. And I'm like, Taylor, just like, just go out and see a little bit more. So he moved to Minneapolis. He's branching out a little bit. I'm like, good. Like, you can always move home. You can always move home. But just see a little bit more of the world in the meantime. Totally. And like my friends are always like your person lives in. And then they're like they like spin a globe. Yeah. Not real advice at all. And it's like possibly in like Spain or like England or whatever. It's like there are so many people out there to meet. Yeah. They're not all going to be in Duluth.

1:19:39No. You know. No. And they're not going to be your high school sweetheart that you met at 14. Also at 14. Getting nudes from your bestie. Also, I'm going to say something. Cancel me. I don't care. If you guys have been together for 10 years since you were 14, he's going to want to see another pair of boobs. And you can't blame him. I mean, you can be curious. He went about it in the wrong way. 100%. But the internet would have been better than the bestie. Yeah. But you want them attached to someone that you can, like, talk to. You don't want just, like, loose floating boobs. Are you a believer in the high school sweethearts?

1:20:14Or do you think you need to experience a little more? test drive a few more cars I'm gonna say you like a test drive you like you like going to the lot and trying all the cars I have look I have there there's this very specific couple in my life who have been together since they were 16 and truly they are all of us are like wow like that's so special it works it works for them I think they're the exception rare breed yeah rare breed yeah um everybody else I'm like you're weird I know my brother and his wife started dating at 17 but like broke up like a couple different times she moved to Florida that's kind of interesting though yeah and like they they went through a lot of trials and tribulations but now here they are it's cool when it works itself out and you guys can grow together I do question I'm like how little have you changed since high school that you that this fits still you know sometimes it does but they had to break up and like see other people and like go through a lot of shit to even be like to come back together yeah that's it that's to me it's like a different story yeah like my friends that that's they just it's themselves that's so crazy there's they are the exception because they have grown together but I'm always like so curious about I want everyone there should be you know like the purge yeah there should be one year where everyone is single in the whole world you love the chaos i everyone everyone in the world who is single for one month okay a month yeah i don't know i don't know what i would do with myself i'm like what is what i'm saying and you know that like you're going to a bar everyone's single you're going to the zoo everyone's single like you're out in the world you had a coffee shop like you're talking to your friends yeah everyone is single everyone is fair game okay i like wonder what what would happen what would happen how many you must love love island you must just like love reality show no no but like it's kind of that premise of like let's just like throw everyone back out into the pond and see who couples up this time totally i like yeah the concept is so fun i i mean i'm an og jersey shore girl god snooki yeah just another little chaos meatball absolutely man yeah but Imagine.

1:22:34Imagine what that would be like. Imagine. And it's like anyone who's listening to this who's my friend is like, you want that. Like, maybe I do. But I also think like it would shake up a lot of people's ideas of what partnership looks like. Yeah. Because like a lot of people's partners come from convenience. And imagine. I know. I think people would see that there's a lot more out there for them. Totally. I think like, too, we're coming from a place of Reddit and getting a lot of these stories. and there's so many stories, like even tabs I had pulled up for you today where it's like, my boyfriend's mad that I don't clean enough.

1:23:07And it's like, well, what's he doing to contribute? Like, I think there's so many people out there that are in these relationships that obviously relationships take a lot of work. They take a lot of balance, compromise, sacrifice, whatever. But it is so unbalanced. And yet, like, do you just not know what else is out there for you? Yeah. Top comment on this one. Yikes. If he felt bad about it, he wouldn't have saved the photo in the first place. And if he felt true guilt over the situation, what he did, he would have told you sometime in the last five years before you found out yourself. Not good, girl.

1:23:40I'm so sorry. Don't let familiarity excuse mistreatment. Hell yeah. I like it. That's a line. Don't let familiarity excuse mistreatment. People think breaking up and having to be single again is jail time. I don't I don't get why is it hard does it hurt totally horrifically yeah but they also there's like the stigma of like oh you're single it's like you're garbage it's so interesting it's that social currency being in a relationship having a boyfriend it's that social currency but Vogue just did an article that having a boyfriend is embarrassing so maybe maybe we're growing maybe there's some like balance in that yeah mostly it is it's like this thing I was talking about this with my friends the other day again mostly heteronormatively like you have the best most coolest girl in your life and then you meet their boyfriend or husband you're just like this guy this guy he does not deserve you and literally and it's like it's he there's like no sense of humor there's no like curiosity about the world or whatever it is and so I'm just like I would rather be single than my friends all looking at my chosen partner going, this guy?

1:24:59Eh, he's okay. Or, oh, he's coming? The worst. The worst. I know. Oh, I want you here for like two more hours. You just have so many hot takes. So many. Do? Do? No. 100 ,000. No, those three cents came in hot. They came in hot. Thank you so much for coming on. Where can people find you? On Instagram, but don't come to my house or anything. No, just Instagram. Your TikToks are also hilarious. Oh, thank you. Yes, I'm getting back into talking. You're getting on there quite a bit more. Yeah, I love that. I will make sure Nadine's links are in the description. Easy to find her. And I saw you do an interview and you're like, I hope I'm on season two.

1:25:45I hope I make it back. We don't know. And we're not being coy. No. We genuinely do not know. You literally were one of my favorite parts of the show. Thank you. You're such a good friend. And you got a lot of wisdom in there. So I feel like you clocked these ones. Thanks. Until next time, guys. Bye.

1:26:20Thank you.