266: Overwhelmed!

31:55I know other people who are perfectly fine pet parents. This is just an exceptional case where someone's deeply enmeshed relationship with their pet might be affecting their dating life. Huh. I was gonna use that word too Enmeshed I was actually gonna use it Were you? I was ready and then All of you out there should be so proud of me I have not used that word In ages I used to hear it I feel like More than daily Yeah cause I'd be like You're enmeshed I'd use It was like everything It'd be like any show Or commercial It'd be like Enmeshed I remember this phase too It was a phase. Yeah. It's just unfortunate that we batch record episodes and everyone had to be in that phase with me.

32:45And it might have been a two year long phase. It was outside of the episodes. Lauren? It was, yeah. What? Oh, what? Your response? My response to the story. Okay. There's kind of a lot going on right now. That's the nature of the theme here. The show, the podcast. The belly of the beast, as they say. Uh-huh. Nothing. Okay. um i don't know that phrase um i also it might be nature of the beast okay belly of the beast is lambo field yeah i think it's nature of the beast i'm i'm just let's move along okay so my question is how long have they been friends like why did friend not see this before why did it take a trip let me see if there's any comments from op that is true maybe it was an aha moment like it clicked but i'm also like maybe the trip was she just missed her cat extra on the trip like are we sure that this is like a in the middle of a date facetiming her cat type of thing i think it is i mean that is aggressive You're in Bali and you're FaceTiming your cat multiple times singing the cat lullabies.

34:07Well, maybe they were drinking. Like that sounds like a fun drinking activity. FaceTime your fat. You inserted that. There was no mention of the cat's weight.

34:20No mention. I'm like, I've been sleep deprived for like two weeks. And so I start to like mix up my words and stutter when I get really sleep deprived, which isn't good for you guys. So you're doing great, sweetie. Keep going. Thanks. I think I'm just going to throw it back to Justin. Fat. Go ahead. Fat cat. I, you know, I kind of like the lullabies. I would sing to Smarty and Konya when we're out of town. That's what I was thinking. You guys would totally do that to the horses. Yes, this, for me. For me. This person is probably undateable because I just, it's to such a level. But that's for me.

35:04I do think there is someone out there that would be down with this. And that would be, that would fit right into that mold. I agree. I think she's got to find the guy that's willing to FaceTime the cat with her. There is someone who is down for that. And listen, I am all for someone that takes exceptionally good care of their pet. I am all about it. So as extreme as you want to go, as long as you're giving that pet a happy, healthy, awesome life, I'm all for it. Go for it. It's just, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It's a little bit niche, but you love your cat. And no one can take that away from you.

35:47So it kind of just is what it is. And as the friend, I don't think you need to disclose it unless there is some sort of breakdown and it gets to the point where she can't figure out why does this always happen to me? No one likes me. And it starts to take her down a path of, you know, bad thoughts about herself or some depression or something where she starts to look inward and says, what is wrong with me? Why does none of this work? then we get to a territory where we might want to cross that bridge potentially as a friend to be helpful but as right now she's just kind of like well they didn't it didn't work out it seems like it's kind of like oh well back to the cat I feel like you necessarily don't need to mention it unless you plan on taking another trip with that person because then I would want to mention it I would want to say hey on this trip can we not FaceTime the cat so much I would really love to make sure we're spending quality time together and exploring but if you aren't going to take another trip with this person then it probably isn't going to affect you why bring it up yeah your wheels are turning over there i see them well i just i didn't think justin was going to say this because i didn't think justin liked cats so i'm just happy because it's like it's it's kind of where my thought was that too but i also think that like it's fine to say something you don't have to be like you're a flawed human no because she's not you could just be like hey your cat's awesome I know you love your cat but us looking for a toy for your cat for three hours like I would have laughed I felt was a bit excessive and I just feel there's a little bit of a balance to some things especially when it's a trip with me and you yeah and like I'm at your beck and call like you're together on this trip I'm not gonna abandon you so and you can just say like I wanted to spend like quality time with you and as silly as it sounds like it felt like you were so focused on your cat that I couldn't really fully spend quality time with you that's a great way to put it yeah and and I think that like you can let your friend know that and then they can do with what they want with it you don't have to be like hey I think that no one likes you because you like your cat like you know i wouldn't even bring up guys because you don't know if that's the case i think the way you put it is exactly how i would say it exactly because it could affect your friendship going forward if the cat is always coming between you guys well it's also just like it's projection at this point right because we don't actually know we don't have evidence she didn't be like oh one of her guys dm me and said this is why she just felt that that could be why because she didn't like it.

38:34Yeah. So it's like if if one of my friends were to be like, hey, you know how none of the guys you went on dates with worked out? I think it's because you smell bad. Like I would be like, what? You know what I mean? Like I just like not something that you should ever, you know, and then if it gets to the point where they're like begging you, like, please, do you have any ideas of what it could be? Like then sure, you can be like, well, maybe because that's how I felt but just to like go in hot like that and be like so I'm pretty sure I know why right like I feel like that's just out of place completely agree we have cat people chiming in in the comments top comment with 9.1k upvotes as a cat lover this sounds exhausting next comment is from op it really was thank you for understanding next comment I adore my cat My husband adores my cat.

39:33While we are away, we await the cat sitter updates, but we don't stay glued to my phone waiting for it to come in. We, you know, enjoy our holiday. For reference, my cat is 19 this year and is a lot. Had husband for 12 years, her for 16 slash 17. We also have an O closed doors policy, but that doesn't include the bathroom or us time. I also have a lot of interests and can hold serious conversations and not divert back to my baby when doing so, because while she is my world, I have to, you know, adult. I'm sorry your trip had this on it and wasn't quite as brilliant as you had hoped. Don't tell her direct, but maybe when it starts going back to the cat, steer the conversation another way.

40:14OP responds, I have tried to steer the conversation away. It only works for like 10 to 15 minutes max. I think I'll continue being friends with her, but avoid future trips. Thank you for your kind words. That's all we got. Yeah. So you can, I mean, you can decide how you, how much you want to be friends and how far that extends to trips and what you want to do just as much as someone can decide how much they want to date this person or not. But it's not really a situation that you should step in and change how they live their life until they're expressing hurt or concern over why things are the way they are.

40:57but then you get into more of a therapy territory. Now, my other last thought is where do we think the cat is during the loving? I mean, do you think like if you get that far because we're talking date four or five, I mean, everyone moves at their own pace but let's say we get into the bedroom, there's no closed doors, there's none of that. I mean, are you staring the cat in the eyes? It's in the bed. Are you just like watching you? Ew, it's in the bed, 100%. Where though? I've seen a TikTok of someone who was at their boyfriend's place or something, and they shut the bedroom door on the dog. They weren't actually doing anything, but they were trying to record to show what the dog does.

41:39And of course, it was like a little Frenchie who was just at the top of its lungs going nuts. I don't know how you have sex when you have a dog like that. Can you imagine? I would go crazy. my dog would literally get so uncomfortable he would like want to be out of the room yeah bear he was like no thank you goodbye adios you know that's like the nice thing about the place that i'm at right now is that there's two doors it's like separated by like the living room there's like the bathroom area has a door like and then you walk through bathroom and then go to the room yeah or it's like kind of a get ready interesting yeah so you have two layers yeah there's like another layer to it so it actually worked out really nice because when fostering we didn't typically have them like in our room at night because they a lot of them had fleas well they also have zoomies and wake us up in the middle of the night and like we had like a couple of times where they just like ran across our face in the middle of the night and it was just like it was like you know no way yeah oh my god we're good dude that would send me they they get really hyper in the middle of the night and then they like want to be with you the human yeah so because i love you i know so but that was what was really nice is because the other thing too is having the two doors is they didn't even meow at the door when they were closed because i i don't know exactly why but i think it's maybe because they couldn't hear as well they couldn't sense you in there yeah like when you like when there's you can see someone moving or like when the door's right there you can hear them wrestling around i think that like animals get louder but i think that double door like genuinely they just like did their own thing they're fine so um if that's a problem that anyone's having maybe looking into an apartment like that because could be good yeah could be good could be good okay well we are moving on to this next one my friends this episode is brought to you by duluth trading company we put our butts through a lot and when is the last time you said thank you?

43:49Well, Duluth Trading Co. says now's the time. Duluth engineers workwear and gear that help you outwork average. But a great wardrobe starts with the underwear, and Duluth delivers. They're men's and women's unders cradle, cool and wick to keep you comfortable through any job or any weather. Treat your seat at a Duluth store near you or at DuluthTrading.com. Duluth Trading, for folks who work their butts off. This is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It is titled, My husband is spoiling the spicy scenes in my romance books by acting them out before I get to them. I'd be pissed. I, 32 female, read a lot of romance novels, like four to five a month.

44:39Not the super smutty stuff, more like Emily Henry type books with the illustrated cartoon covers, enemies to lovers tropes, that kind of thing. About two months ago, my husband of 11 years, 38 male, started acting a little dot dot dot different in the bedroom. Not bad different, just occasionally there's this vibe like he has something planned. will have what I can only describe as a themed night. And I think, okay, that was fun and a little random and move on. Then a few days later, I'll be reading my book, hit a spicy scene, and actually have to put my Kindle down because it's the same scene.

45:27Like the same vibe, the same moves, occasionally almost the same setup. It's already happened four times now. Four. Okay, maybe that's kind of awesome. I finally said something to my sister, and she immediately started crying laughing, which was not helpful. She thinks he's reading ahead in my books and essentially performing the scenes on slash with me before I get there as some kind of prank. But here's what I can't figure out. I read on my Kindle. He'd have to get into my account, figure out where I am in each book, read ahead, and then coordinate. He's a big text-slash-numbers guy, so if he's doing this, I guarantee there's a spreadsheet involved somewhere.

46:12I'm honestly not even mad. Genuinely, if this is what's happening, it might be the most unhinged romantic gesture anyone has ever done for me. Yeah. But he is technically spoiling the books. how do I tell him to stop spoiling the plot without accidentally telling him to stop being the most high effort partner I've ever had so you guys think this would spoil the scenes for you? no not at all so then why would you be pissed? I initially said I would be pissed because I thought that he was like oh you know what happens to so and so yeah like I thought he was like mocking actually like let me hop on my dragon and go to best guys.

46:57Yeah, exactly. Because I always get, I get really pissed off if I'm watching like a romantic movie with my boyfriend and he starts making fun of like one of the characters. Yeah, it pisses me off so much. I repeat lines when they're just ridiculous. Yeah, and then I have to be like, don't ruin this for me. And it takes away from it because you're, I'm sucked in. I'm sucked in. It doesn't matter. I'm in a different world. You're pulling me out of it and I don't like it. I don't care if it's cheesy. I know it's cheesy, but sometimes I want the cheese. Yeah, exactly. Lay it on. Exactly. Put that feta on.

47:33Grind up that crumble. Mac and cheese. Tortilla me. I wish I had an example right now, but sometimes it's just. I know it's bad, but it doesn't mean I want you to make fun of it and suck me out of it. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Lauren. It's not making fun of, though. I merely repeat a line. I've heard enough. I've heard enough. Yeah. All I'll do is repeat a line. In a mocking voice. No, no. I'll match the tone in the, no, no. I'll match the tone in everything. And it just, I think it makes you realize how ridiculous some of it is. I think that's what it does. Maybe your voice just can't achieve that seductive nature that the actors can.

48:19And maybe that's why you're mad. We're talking like D-level actors at best. I mean, the acting, you can see right through it. They might as well be holding the script in front of them. We're going to agree to disagree. I need to know which movies those are because I want to add them to my list. I don't have the example. I need the example. Honestly, I don't really watch many like that. I do. During Christmas time, that is. No, I feel like they're all good. No, even the Hallmark ones. The Hallmark ones are getting like really good actors. Now, Hallmark Movie Channel Christmas holiday shit has upped their game.

48:58They're getting Lindsay Lohan. Yeah. You watch yourself, buddy. I'm not saying it's all of them. It's the ones where I've quoted some of the lines. I'm going to record you next time. We'll see. Let's do it. We'll compare. I'm down. Back to the question, though. How do I tell him to stop spoiling the plot without accidentally telling him to stop being the most high-effort partner I've ever had? I feel like for me I don't even think he's really spoiling it Because you don't necessarily know what's coming Now in your head you might Anytime he sets a scene for you Be like oh this is coming up in my book So I don't know It's not really a problem I would just let it happen I feel like it makes the book hotter When you do happen upon the scene then Yeah I think so too I don't This wouldn't bother me but I don't know I also just don't think with like smut books like that once once the they get together for the first time i don't really care about like when or what they do the next time like that doesn't take away from anything because unless he's role-playing character right exactly it doesn't sound like he is though it's not like it would be a surprise that these two characters came together you know it's like oh Okay, but does it take away from the scenes that you read because every new line is like, oh, yeah, ooh, yeah, but you already know where it's headed, so you don't get that, like, whatever you guys are getting from this thing?

50:29Like, you don't just, you know, the temperature meter just stops going up and up because you're like, I know where we're headed, so it's not so exciting. That must be it, because you're not spoiling the plot of the book, per se, but you're taking away the hotness out of the scene because it's not this uncharted territory. You kind of know where it's headed. I don't know if it's taking out of the hotness though because for me - Then what's the issue? What's the writing? I don't think there is. Yeah, obviously it's spoiling it for her now that she's made the connection that he's acting out her books.

51:03So I guess you could just be like, hey, I love that you're taking inspiration. Please don't stop. But maybe pick a book that I'm not on currently or maybe use the inspiration a little more loosely. What if, yeah, what if she just asked him to do it after she read it? There's a compromise. There's a compromise. Let's get into the comments, though, on this one. Okay, top comment. Made the mistake of reading this post to my husband, and I think I actually saw a light bulb turn on above his head. Gonna start locking my Kindle. Seriously though, if the biggest worry in your relationship is him spoiling the spicy scenes in your books by acting them out with you, I'd say you two are in a great place.

51:49True. Someone replies to that person, don't lock it. Leave it open on those scenes that you really want to act out. To OP, I think this is adorable. What a lucky person you are. And OP does respond to that first comment. Keep me posted on this one. We need the data points to compare. Someone response to OP, bookmark your favorite scenes. Give him a selection so there's still an element of surprise. That'd be a really good compromise, actually. Like, here's your options. Here's the ones I've read that I love. Take your pick. Surprise me. Does that take the fun out of it for him a little bit? Because he is not aware she's caught on to this yet.

52:31I don't know. Maybe it would take the fun out of it for him. Because like he is doing this all undercover, staying right ahead and nobody knows how he does it. Where's the spreadsheet? Maybe that's the fun for him. I don't know. I don't know. Hmm. There's another comment OP responds to. Someone says this. LOL. That's so sweet. That's like living the dream for him to be involved in your hobbies and what books you read. Maybe let him know gently, but he's a good egg in this current age. OP responds, he really is. 11 years and he's still out here finding new ways to be surprising. I genuinely don't deserve him.

53:11And also he is ruining my books. We do get an update. Does she reveal? Does she reveal what? That she knows. I haven't read any of the updates, so we shall see. I want to start by saying thank you for all the comments. I read them all and I want to clarify that I absolutely love my husband and I am floored by his efforts on this. With that being said, I decided not to talk to him about it yet and to mess with him back instead. Love it. What I did instead was rush to finish my current book faster than usual, left my Kindle open to an earlier chapter I had already read in case he went to check where I was up to, and then made the spicy scene from that book happen in real life last night initiated it and went all in oscar worthy performance honestly if there's a spreadsheet tracking all of this and i definitely believe there is it's about to get a very confusing entry we'll update when one of us cracks i kind of want to know what they're doing what books are you i know i'm like what book is that That like each She mentioned some Yeah she mentioned What's this book Emily Henry type books Like not props and costumes We're not there No it doesn't seem like that It's like actions Emily Henry wrote People We Meet on Vacation That is a recent Netflix movie Loved that movie Oh my gosh that i literally was obsessed with that i watched that on the plane and like cried and it was so good emily to her in certain ways too i just thought it was amazing oh i love love love the actors emily bader tom blithe like both so good emily was in lady jane gray or my lady jane the amazon series that didn't renew for season two i also just bumped into two famous people today and I can't remember their names because I know their face but not their names but I like looked it up which was actually really funny I typed in hot burnett famous person in their 40s and I found her no way yeah there was like a list of a bunch of in that category and then I like she was number five I was like perp like not ranking but just like that was the list I was about to say dang What tab did you click on?

55:4731 brunette actresses who are beautiful on the screen? Probably. I didn't even put actress because I wasn't sure if she was an actress. But what was fun from that is that I recognized the guy, too. When I looked her up, I saw that they are in a movie together. And it's a rom-com or just rom, maybe. I don't know about the com. But I'm so excited to watch it now. Hmm. You don't remember the name? No, I can't remember. Okay, well, if anyone has any guesses, let me know, because I would like to know, because I'm nosy. But okay, the top comment on the update is, this is both hysterical and very sweet.

56:25OP responds, update coming. Let's just say he's now aware this thread exists. And update number two, final update. My husband has been spoiling the spicy scenes in my romance books by acting them out. There is a spreadsheet. If you read my original post or my last update, you'll know that my husband has been acting out the spicy scenes with me from whatever romance novel I was reading before I even read them. A few days ago, I set a trap for him. I read ahead and initiated a specific spicy scene with him from my current read before he could get to it. Nothing happened the next day. which I thought was weird.

57:08So I decided to escalate. This time, the bait was that I started to read It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey. If you've read it, you might understand why I chose that book. While we're adventurous, there are certain things we don't usually do. A couple of days ago, we were eating lunch. We were both working from home, and he said, fully serious. If you really want to, you can. When I asked him what the hell he was talking about, he finally broke. Turns out you all were right. He had access to my shared Kindle library and got this idea for a prank, but once he did it a few times, he really got invested.

57:52He's going to stop spoiling my books, but we did come up with another arrangement. Also, thanks to the comments here. I'm going to give him a list of pre-approved spicy scenes, and he'll choose in no specific order which he wants to surprise me with. Yes, there was a spreadsheet, chili pepper emojis for spice level, a column for notes, needs wine, links to Spotify playlists, etc., color coding, multiple tabs, more organization than even I was expecting. It will be ongoing and is now shared so I can drop in my own chili peppers and notes. After all of this, I showed him my original post and the update.

58:33We listened to two outtakes together every week, so he knew exactly what he was looking at. By the end of reading the comments, we were both crying laughing. He doesn't have a Reddit account, but he's offered to answer any questions or DM your man with tips on how to be this level of iconic. We'll respond to as many comments as we can. 11 years. I really should have seen this coming. Oh, it's so cute That's the first story I've ever been a part of Where they talk about listening to the show Really? Yeah Oh, I think there's been a few now Oh my gosh, yeah, same You're out there right now hearing your own shenanigans Well, because I'm so used to that on Father Knows, of course But I just never think that with this show No, true, so true That's why I love when people put submissions into the 2Ottake subreddit because it's just like It's our family Our people Hello Yeah This is a different type of overwhelm I didn't know when you said the theme was overwhelmed I thought like, you know Chaos I didn't know like All different overwhelmed Steamy overwhelmed Yeah So what was the thing?

59:51If you really want to do that, you can Oh, the compromise she gave him? No, where she had put the certain book and he came in and said during lunch. Oh, I'm Googling the book and sexual activity. It might be a rim job. I've never read the book. I'm unclear. But you know when a guy is going up and being like, you can do it if you really want to. It doesn't sound enthusiastic, which I don't know. That's why I'm so curious what it is. Yeah. I don't want to spoil the book for you, but I think it's leaning towards rim job. And people were criticizing it because they went from back to front. And the person on Reddit was like, why are they doing that?

1:00:44You're not supposed to go from back to front because of infection. They were really analyzing the book. So I do think it might be Rimjob. Okay. Well, glad I asked, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, you did. You brought that upon yourself. Provided that to everyone. Yeah. But I think this is so fun. I hope people listening are taking this as their own inspiration. And there's so many scenes, I feel like, in books that I've read where I'm like, this could be fun. So now I'm going to go back and find them and highlight them. And just, here you go. yeah I love that you just thought that to yourself just now yeah no but when you're reading you're just like yeah it could be fun yeah I mean it's hot I feel like when I was reading fourth wing I texted you because you were out of town the whole time I was reading fourth wing and the imperium series because I I got through all three books in five days and Justin was basically gone the four days and he came home like the last day I was finishing the book and it was kind of at a point in the books where like I was just kind of crying a lot and there was less hot stuff happening.

1:01:53It's like I hadn't even come home. No, I kind of ignored him. I literally, he got home and I fully ignored him because I'm like, I'm just going to finish my book, thanks. But I did text you when you were gone. I was like, God, this book is so hot. I have to have you read this page. You just lose yourself in reading. I really hadn't enjoyed reading for a while until Fourth Wing again. And I was depressed. And I read that book and I was like, life is great. Yes. And I don't know what it was. It's just like that romantic fantasy. So fun. What are we calling it? Oh, I don't know. Romantic, romantic fantasy.

1:02:35I don't know. I'm gonna stop trying. I'm embarrassing myself but I just I feel like that genre is so fun and light and I'm really trying to get in a guitar guys with that first book is I started and then I started it yeah and then I put it down you didn't like it I'm having a hard time but people are like just get through the first one you'll be good I will say actually that the first one I still liked it but I remember thinking like people are saying this is the greatest love story i was like it feels very like mid to me well and i'm also coming off of fourth wing which i feel like i shared on my instagram story and everyone was like yes i literally was so depressed after reading the three and getting done so i think a lot of people felt the way i felt where i just wasn't ready to move past fourth wing i actually started the graphic i get that audio version on spotify because you get i didn't realize you get 15 hours a month of audiobooks on Spotify.

1:03:36Yeah. So I was like I was like oh let me go and then I've now got it out of my system to where I think I'm ready to give Agatha fresh eyes. Yeah. Yeah I mean I I still love the first book but I just remember being like I'm kind of surprised people are saying this is like a insane insane love story because it just felt a little like not that insane but then you get to the second book and it's like oh yeah baby this is where it's at okay I'm so excited to get there I had a friend who whenever I was reading ACOTAR she said that she started acting out the scenes with her partner and I was like stop you're ruining it for me because then I'd be reading the book trying to like be in a total different world and then they'd pop into my head and I'd be like get out that's a letter kid oh my god I sound like a little kid ew I wasn't happy about it no that's the last thing oh my dude that would actually ruin the book for me if you told me that and I was like yeah well when you get to that one scene me and Brian did that I'd be like what the fuck it would just be like an this episode is brought to you by Chrysler Life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists.

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1:06:14Download Cash App and spend with peace of mind today. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Visit cashapp.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Intrusive thought that floats by and it's just so unfair. Okay, we're moving on to this next one. Okay, this is coming from r slash relationship advice. it is titled Boyfriend 21 Male is upset that I'm 21 female going to the zoo with my mom while pregnant. I'm looking for another perspective in this because I think he may be overreacting, but he says it's perfectly valid.

1:06:57For more context, my mom and I had booked tickets for a comedy show nearly two years ago before my boyfriend and I even got together. We always had a plan to have a mother-daughter weekend together as it is in a different city, and we never spend one-on-one time like that together very often. I got with my boyfriend a bit over a year ago now, please no judgment on how quickly I got pregnant, and it's been a bit rocky. He's never really liked my family, and my family hasn't liked him. Anyways, I'll be 34 weeks pregnant for this comedy show, and my mom really wants us to go to the zoo as well because she hasn't been since we were babies, and she never gets to travel out of our hometown to do so.

1:07:42I thought it was a great idea, and I would love to do this with my mom. When I brought this up with my boyfriend, he instantly turned cold and angry, saying that it's not right that I'm taking away something special to him, being our daughter's first zoo experience. Wow. He was already upset about this comedy show for a while because it's also his favorite comedian, but I kept telling him we booked it well before you came along, and now we are doing the zoo, which also turns out to be his favorite place as well. He thinks my mom is doing this on purpose to spite him and shun him from his daughter already, which I'm trying to explain that she isn't even born yet.

1:08:31This is for my mom and I, but he won't listen and is still very angry about it. I don't really want to say no to this zoo trip, but if it's causing this much drama, then maybe I should. run run um i this like level of whatever you want to call this is scary to me that's something that could in my opinion turn scary this is insane behavior yeah controlling abusive manipulative insane behavior and you're 21 this is not normal you might not know yet which is why op i think is writing in saying i think he may be overreacting but he says it's perfectly valid no i'm sorry his feelings this is the one time where i'm like his feelings aren't actually valid his feelings are possessive yep and goofy and fucked up a lot of this happens slowly and so somebody might be like oh yeah well he loves the zoo he wanted to go he like blah blah blah but it's like no this is the details of this is what makes it scary and what makes it snowball to a point one day where she's in danger I mean I think the the very common thought is the fact that well I'm pregnant I need to stay with the other parent because no we're about to have this baby together and that's what people do and that's how it's supposed to go if i'm we need to stay together for the child which i mean we've if you've listened to the show long enough we've all seen fuck him we've all seen that it can be so much more healthy for a child with you guys split up and happy than it is with you guys together and unhealthy and there's a lot of different levels of that.

1:10:34He's separating her from her family. Yes. We're on a very rocky foundation as it is. And, you know, like Lauren was saying, we're starting to see through the cracks and we're seeing, we're getting a preview of what forever is going to look like. Yeah. And it's probably going to get worse because things tend to get worse, not better. Right. With this sort of thing. Specifically if they get away with it, if, if she says like, okay, I won't go with my mom to not cause drama, then that tells him it's like it's like a toddler. Like it like tells him that that's OK. And then he continues this bad behavior.

1:11:13And honestly, I mean, that isolation that is that's a manipulation tactic. And to isolate from her mother who wants to go to a zoo. Mom's not saying let's go to the club, honey. Let's take some awesome shooters. No, she says, I want to go to the zoo. Like that's crazy if you're going to have a problem with that. And also if I'm pregnant, I'm going to do whatever I want. Yeah. Lauren, damn straight. Also, your daughter is not going to know she's at the zoo. Well, that's okay. That's yeah. I mean, I know that isn't literal. I know that's just like saying that to just use another manipulation tactic, but just I was going to ignore that one, but yeah, you know, you're, you can't though.

1:11:58It's just like it's so ridiculous. But that's the emotional abuse of it. You're taking away that experience of the first time my daughter goes to the zoo. I'm going to the zoo. She's not born yet. I'm going to the zoo with my mom. This is the last time me and my mom will go to the zoo without me having a baby. Like this is quality time. Also, if the zoo is his other favorite place, why haven't we been to the zoo, babe? Truly. Why don't we have a membership? Why are we going to the zoo all the time? Truly. The baby's been in the belly for nine months. There was nine months to go to the zoo with you.

1:12:3534 weeks. Why haven't we been to the zoo yet if that was important to you? Yeah. No, it's manipulative. Top comment does talk about this too. The daughter that's currently in your womb, that daughter's first zoo experience, I think I can see why your family doesn't like him. Oh, yeah. Next one. And someone responds to that. I was pregnant in jail. Does that mean my son was also in jail? He'll be excited to know. What the fuck? I'm just like really out of... He'll be excited to know. I was like, did I just read that right? Someone responds. My mom was five months pregnant with me when she and my dad went to Disneyland's opening weekend.

1:13:20I absolutely brag about being there for the opening. And if my mom had been in jail instead, hell yeah. I'd be bragging on that instead. I mean, yes, you are there, but you're not experiencing it. But yes, you were there. You were. Fucking floating in amniotic fluid. I don't think that counts. You're there. You're not experiencing it, but you're there. Mm-hmm. Yep. Because when you're in the womb at Disneyland. Well, you say it that way. And mom eats a Mickey pretzel, you're getting some of that pretzel. Whoa. So maybe you are experiencing it on some level. You're getting that pretzel, Lauren.

1:14:02It goes right through the tube. I feel like we're going backwards. We're going backwards and we cannot give this person an ounce to stand on. A lot of people do call into question the fact that OP says we booked these comedy tickets two years ago. However, people come to bat quickly. Someone says, you think this is real if she booked comedy show tickets two years ago? Someone responds, Darcy and Jur were supposed to tour in early 2025. Tickets went on sale in 2024. Then Jur got cancer and it got pushed back a year. It happens. And then next person comments, depends. I know at least one comic that delayed their tour because of their partner's cancer.

1:14:42And a lot of people keep bringing up that same comic duo or comedian and partner. Someone else responds, I booked tickets for a comedy show 18 months ahead, an international act with many stops through my country. Finally get to see it next month. It's possible the show had been rescheduled as well in that time. Someone else responds and just goes true. A lot of people say cut the kid loose. He's not mature enough to handle being a boyfriend, let alone a dad. A lot of people just say other things like he's dumb as a rock. The moderators of relationship advice have removed the post. However, OP's account is still active.

1:15:25It's a year old. It has a verified email. They have posted a couple other times in various subs, Clash of the Clans and Ask Reddit subs, things like that. So seemingly real post. So I hope OP realizes like this isn't normal behavior and does not get separated. from her family and just finds a way to co-parent because I do think in a lot of cases it is the healthiest especially when you have someone who's exhibiting very toxic behavior yeah I just like think I didn't think as deeply about this when I was younger but like it just scares me so much the idea of people having to co-parent with somebody who they just don't trust yeah that they don't trust 99.9999999999 % yeah that's like likely your greatest joy in life and you just have to hand it over to someone that you that your stomach turns and you're unsure about like you You know what I mean?

1:16:39And like, yeah, that's just such a scary. I think it is why a lot of people do stay together. Because I then know what's going on. I can control where my kid is. We're under the same roof. And I do. I fully understand that. It is so hard because I was that kid. Like I would get dropped off at my bio dad's house for holidays. And my dad, Jerry, would be a block away sitting at the gas station in case I needed him. Like, my mom was petrified. Like, stuff did happen, you know? And so it was really hard. And I think my mom had faith, too, that, like, I had protectors around me. My grandma was amazing.

1:17:23There were other family members that were really good and whatever. But they can only do so much. And so there were times where I was racing into the house trying to get away and, like, calling my dad Jerry to, like, okay, come get me. Come get me. and it's it's crappy and that's like a very real fear a lot of these parents have and it's just and like specifically like not knowing who they're gonna bring around your child like when they start dating again like yeah it's like it's like okay maybe maybe i can kind of trust this person but do like do i trust who they're bringing over oh and that's the other thing i know someone who shares custody with their ex and he's now seeing someone else and her daughter is like staying at this new girlfriend's house and instead of like at home in her bed and when she stays at the girlfriend's house, she's sleeping in a living room on a couch and it's like, so you can stay at your girlfriend's?

1:18:26Like, no, this is a three-year-old baby that should be at home in her bed. And that's the trickiness of navigating custody and just so tough. It is, it's insane. Be careful who you have kids with. And that's a thing. You should be choosy who you have kids with. And I don't want to shame OP. I mean, she even said it in her post, like, don't give me flack for how quickly I got pregnant. And accidents happen, whatever, you know, here you are now, but how do you deal with it the best way forward? The safest for you, the safest for your child. And you got to determine that, but you shouldn't lose touch with your family.

1:19:07Definitely not. Do not do that. No. That's when things go bad. Anyone who's listening, don't let your partner isolate you from people who you know you love, like your family. I will say, too, like, don't be afraid to talk to your friends. Don't be afraid that your friends are going to judge you. and if I tell them there's no coming back from this, your friends are going to want what's best for you and they should know what's going on if you're in a tough spot. They should keep an eye out. Like tell people you, you have to at least tell someone. And I get a lot of messages like, I don't know what to do.

1:19:52I'm trying to leave. I'm trying to plan. And the less you say to the person you're trying to get away from, the better. Like if you need to leave in the middle of the night or while they're at work, do it. Do what is best and safest for you. There are so many resources out there with domestic violence hotlines and shelters and local organizations in your area. Do what you need to do to be safe, but you do not need to be stuck under someone's them, unhappy, unhealthy situations. Like you don't have to be in them. I know it is so hard to get out and finances can be a big barrier, but there are resources out there.

1:20:36And if you have family that can help, reach out to them, friends, like just to get out and get back on your feet, but be safe about it. Moving on to this next one. This is coming from r slash relationship advice. It's titled, I, female 25, found out that my boyfriend, male 27, is sexting AI girls. Is this crossing a boundary? My boyfriend is sexting AI girls. I feel like it crosses a boundary. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being irrational? In some aspects, I understand why he would do it. My boyfriend has a very high sex drive and I don't. It's something I'm trying to work out slash work on.

1:21:20I know it's hard for him. I never really want to have sex, and I never really feel horny either. We have sex usually once a week. I'm 25, and he's 27. We've been together for almost six years. We also both work very stressful, demanding jobs. I'm a teacher, so I come home after work, and having sex is the last thing I want to do, so it usually waits until the weekend. It hurts my feelings that he's doing this, but I also know that I don't fulfill that desire for him because of how rarely we have sex. He doesn't know that I'm aware that he's doing this. Please be kind. Any thoughts, advice, or suggestions are appreciated.

1:22:02It's better than real girls, I guess. I mean, like, you know. In tier things. Yes. I mean, like, you know. I don't know this is such New territory I've been waiting for this to come up Have you? Yes of course The time has come This is now going to be like a topic of Conversation moving forward Because it's going to become very Normalized I mean people are having relationships with AI to the point they are Marrying AI So respect How is that even like legally recognized. I don't think it is. I'm just kidding, Morgan. Don't make that face. Ew. It's like marrying your car. But like even weirder because your car actually exists in front of you.

1:22:52Actually, though, yeah. Like you could stick it in the tailpipe if you wanted. When I saw, whoa. Did you just say what I thought you said? Justin's off the rails. That's a new one for you. I mean, there was that guy who did. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about. He did do his car. He was on that TLC show. But I have so many thoughts with this one. Number one, I know someone who is pretending to be an AI girl on Instagram to gain followers and then get money. And a big part of that is like then opening up a business and like responding to these people. Do you know who that person is running the account?

1:23:39of an hot AI bombshell? A guy. Who do you think you're sexting when it's an AI girl? Oh, the tables have turned. So I would ask your boyfriend, you're probably texting a guy. Is it as hot knowing that you're sexting with a guy pretending to be a hot girl? Is this like an Instagram thing? I thought this - It's a big thing. But it's like, literally, I've talked to them about it. It's like a pyramid scheme. I figured it was an app that he was on or like some type of. No, they create these profiles on Instagram. But are we sure that's what this is or is this. He is sexting AI girls. We have no idea what it is.

1:24:22And that's also kind of a boundary thing for me where I'm like, you're sexting. So you're communicating. It almost feels like an emotional affair. It's not just going on and watching porn where you're not physically talking to or interacting with those people like they're sexting yeah that's kind of a different thing than just watching porn i feel like sexting isn't texting also true check it's also still technically in that fantasy what the hell is happening i don't know it's a weird it's a weird story okay would you be okay with your boyfriend texting an ai girl being like wow my girlfriend doesn't put out no we don't line up sexually so I'm so glad I have you to talk to.

1:25:08Please talk to me till my dick gets hard so I can get off. Okay. Calm down. You're okay with it? No, I'm not. Are you sure that that's what's going on? Or is he just like... He's sexting AI girls. That's all I have. Yeah, well, what if he's just like, ooh, like what would you do to me? And then he's picturing his girlfriend do that to him. I don't know what it is. Well, he's not he's probably not picturing the girlfriend he's probably picturing the AI girls But then we're just still in a weird territory because it's someone or something that doesn't really exist. So it's all like fantasy, pretend, make believe.

1:25:45You might as well be thinking about it just in your mind, making it up because it's not real. But the messages are real and the responses are real. But it's from something that doesn't really exist or it's from some person behind the scenes pretending. So it's like it never would actually become a physical relationship, obviously. But I think that's why OP is confused on if she should be upset or not. And I guess like. Yeah, that makes sense. And I guess for OP, some people enter relationships and they think that literally looking at someone's direction is cheating. Like, obviously I'm being. Hyperbolic.

1:26:28Yeah. Hyperbolic. over exaggerating but my point is is that when you enter a relationship cheating is what you guys decide it is some people are in relationships where they hook up with people other people and they're very happy in those relationships so it's like every relationship like it doesn't have to be what like what does society say it's like what feels right or wrong for you guys in your heart and your stomach like yeah that's a very valid point I mean we've talked about this quite a bit in the past. Some people view strip clubs as a form of cheating. That is so fair and valid for their relationships if that's the boundary they set.

1:27:09So I guess for this, now you found it out, set the boundary and then like, but you shouldn't have to keep monitoring him. She doesn't even really know a boundary to set though. It's kind of like, what is this? It's almost like you're looking for other people that are in the same situation because there's no examples or context to pull from it's so new exactly and I think that's why she's trying to figure out like is this how should I feel because I think she does have mixed feelings about it because like you said it's never going to turn into something real because it's not a real person allegedly like I don't know who he's messaging but like right let's say it's just a robot it's it's AI it's just words that are being you know it's not a person so I think she's trying to like wrestle with it in her head.

1:27:59Like, does that mean that it doesn't bother me or is it still hurtful because the idea is still there, the fantasy is still there, and it's not me? So we do have some comments from OP. Someone goes, everyone has a different line of what counts as cheating or crossing a boundary in relationships. For some people, it's porn. For others, it's kissing. And others, it's sex, etc. Personally, I wouldn't stay with a man sexting anyone, whether real or not. However, it all really depends on whether you care or not. I'd be worried if it ended with AI girls or if one thing leads to another. I would also be worried that I would personally not feel good that I'm not fulfilling my partner's desires even though that's just a compatibility thing and not a reflection on me as a person.

1:28:45It sounds awful but sometimes people just aren't compatible sexually and the relationship can only go so far. OP responds, It definitely makes me feel like I'm not good enough. If he said the things to me that he said in the messages, I'd probably have more desire to have sex honestly. Someone goes, maybe tell him that. Perhaps he thinks you wouldn't be into that kind of talk or sexual expression. It will be an awkward convo, but I would tell him you found it and that you feel sad because you'd enjoy that kind of chat, but he's saying it to a robot instead. Yeah, totally valid. Someone responds, I'm not being devil's advocate, but you let it reach a point for a long time where you're not giving him any physical intimacy.

1:29:27You can't sit there and say you feel inadequate. How do you think your partner has felt being rejected for years? She said they hook up once a week. What do you mean rejected for years? The person got downvoted five times and I'll give him a sixth. Someone responds, Bruh, it's not that she's denying him sex. They still have it once a week, which seems to be in the normal range. so other comments from op say this i don't like that he watches porn and we've had that conversation before he says that watching porn is just a release and it doesn't feel any emotion behind it but it makes me insecure i guess which i know is my own issue that i'm trying to work on i don't know how to approach this conversation with him because he doesn't know that i know we have sex once a week sometimes twice on the weekends i will admit i usually do have sex when I don't really want to because I know it's an important part of our relationship for him.

1:30:21He never makes me feel pressured or obligated. Anytime I've said no, he's respected and understanding. This whole AI thing just makes me feel icky. I know I don't want to tell him that I found out because the whole conversation will shift to me looking at his phone. I do like sex in the moment. I really enjoy it. It feels good. I feel connected to my boyfriend and loved. It's getting to that point that I struggle with. It's the buildup I struggle with, not the actual sex. I'm curious because somebody had said this to me randomly how she was on like an SSRI, an antidepressant, and she had to get off it because like it was like hurting her intimacy with her husband.

1:31:04Yeah. And so I'm just out of curiosity because I didn't know that was a thing. And so I guess that's why I'm saying it out loud because I wonder if that has anything to do with with OPs it definitely could yeah I mean OP does have a comment here it's like you were reading my screen really OP says I do take medication for anxiety ADHD and I'm on birth control like I said I'm trying to figure it out because I can't really function without those meds lol completely understanding I think that would be worth going to doctor therapist and like talking through potentially switching and trying a different medicine because like for some people it just doesn't it just doesn't work with you you know like for some people an antidepressant can make them more depressed like it's like everything is different and there's different there's a right recipe for every person yeah so I think it might be worth looking into that I agree as far as approaching the conversation.

1:32:05Yeah. Back to the actual topic. I don't really know if you, my gut is almost like, he'd probably be really hard to catch, but my gut would be weight. Just be like, be more of a hawk where you can catch a message popping up or something. I don't know, but it wouldn't happen when you're watching. I, at some point you need to communicate your feelings because it will snowball into something bigger and it will start to really make you not interested in him. And it will have larger implications than just the intimacy in your relationship. It'll have relationship-wide consequences. And if you guys have been together this long and everything's amazing, yeah, we're figuring out the intimacy part a little bit here and we all go up and down and on a roller coaster with that.

1:32:58That's normal. then there is something worth saving here and to see if we can get to the point. But I also understand the concern about bringing it up because that will be the response. That's always the response. Even when someone's cheating and they're caught red-handed, it's, why did you come home early? You're not supposed to be here. It's flippant on the person. It just, it's so tricky. But that's not necessarily right. I agree. That's not right. Right. That's not healthy. You should be able to communicate with your partner. But honestly, reading that comment where she's like, no, I do enjoy sex.

1:33:36It's just getting there. Right. Well, that's also what made me wonder about the. And I could see medication playing a role. But also like me, I'm not on any medication and I'm not instantly ready to go. I think a lot of women out there need more of a buildup. You need more of like, I don't know, a gentle butt squeeze as you're at the kitchen sink, like that emotional, mental intimacy that comes before actually having sex. And I feel like you need that foreplay before you're even in the bedroom, kind of like making you feel hot, making you feel heard. And I feel like all I'm hearing in this story is his needs and how horny he is and how much porn he watches and how he's sexting AI girls now.

1:34:30Like, I think this person has an unrealistic idea of sex, maybe an unhealthy obsession with it, and is even potentially neglecting their partner's needs and just expecting them to perform when he wants to perform. And yeah, he might be respectful when she's like, I'm not in the mood, but that's the bare fucking minimum. Like, where is mention of connection and how she's being pleased? and granted the post is not about that so maybe there's not context there but there's also none in the comments of him initiating and trying things and i don't know what are you doing razzle dazzle baby there it is i was waiting for it i can't believe you danced around that term the whole time you were talking razzle dazzle i know that's all that was in your head every time you're about to say foreplay or something i knew that was right on the tip of your tongue i feel like i'm I'm missing something.

1:35:27Justin, explain what razzle-dazzle is. It's a very commonly used term. Okay. Very. I guess I'm just so rare that I don't know of it. I don't know where you picked it up. It just started all of a sudden. I feel like the razzle-dazzle is like a jazz show. I think for me, when I want to be intimate, I'm like, okay, lay the razzle-dazzle on me. and I like that's so become a thing I know like I know the phrase and like but I just didn't know that it was like associated it's not I don't think it's a common thing razzle dazzle noisy showy and exciting activity and display designed to attract and impress when she says razzle dazzle I picture the birds on like Nat Geo where like the the male species bird needs to like dance and do the little circle and do the display so i feel like i need to start doing that pamper me spoil me compliment me i guess i think i want the love whenever i hear razzle dazzle i think of it as like being like decorating for a party and like going the extra nine go the extra nine i've never thought of it yeah i never thought i don't think i've ever heard of it this is like a sexual term i don't know if it exists like this is something that i've been like razzle dazzle Like that's cute Pap it up I like that better than when you used to always say goofball But I did like goofball too that was funny You don't do that anymore Why not?

1:37:05Probably because people like you make fun of me Yeah Lauren you killed it No I like it Wrecked my vibe No it's like a good make fun And she just doubled down It's like not a make fun of you It's like I'm making fun for us You know I'm out here trying I'm trying to not say enmeshment or goofball or at the end of the day or literally or like like is a hard one I've in my head tonight restarted sentences to avoid like it's hard yeah it's really hard for me it's hard I'll try to be better this year I mean I'm a new Webby winner I gotta be better what's that mean my Clues podcast won a Webby award I don't know what that is It's an award Well you have to pour me more Thank you very much Where did you come up with the red?

1:38:00The razzle death? Oh I brought the red from home sneakily There was only one glass left That's a rosé This is a buttery chardonnay It's looking a little buttery You don't want any? I'm okay thank you Okie dokie Disorderly conduct That's pretty good. I like the label. We don't have an official update from OP yet. You know what the update is going to be one day? Is instead of just talking about sexting AI girls, it's going to be my partner went to Westworld. I was just thinking that. And hooked up with robots. And where's the line? Because, well, in Westworld, it goes beyond the Westworld world.

1:38:43But if we imagine that they stay there. I mean, in Westworld, the guy literally falls in love with Dolores. Right. I mean, we will get there. I mean, we're headed there. We're already there. We're already there for some people. When I watch movies like that, I always ask people the question if they think that they could fall in love with a robot. And people always tell me no. And then they follow it up with, what about you? And I'm like, for sure. Yeah. Because a robot can be really quick And be exactly who you want them to be If it was like Westworld where they are like humanistic How do you tell the difference?

1:39:20If you cannot tell the difference Exactly Yeah, Taylor Tomlinson talks about In her last special Her new special She talks about like being the person that would fall in love with AI Yeah, that's me Have you watched it yet? No It's so good But now I feel like she's my girl You would love her you would love her she's so fun I you know it's like humans is the other show that I was like oh I would fully I haven't seen that and there's this one guy who like she basically the robot basically falls in love with the guy and he like kind of like plays with her heart and then just ditches her and it's so heartbreaking oh wow she's heartbroken and it's like when there's consciousness it's like what's the difference i don't know i know there's a life i know there's a difference but it's like what when there's consciousness it's like lines will be blurred remember that first movie um artificial intelligence with hailey joel osmit and jude law it was like this kid robot he was the kid that was in everything and this family couldn't have a kid So they got this robot and he had this little teddy bear.

1:40:40This movie. I knew that that's what his face was, but no, I never saw it. Kid and everything. Have you ever seen the movie Secondhand Lions? I don't think so. Are you kidding me? That's a happy watch. That's a good like put on at night. Oh my God. Hands down top 10. One of my favorite movies of all time. Okay. Secondhand Lions. You would, knowing you, you would love it. It is so good. He's in that movie as well. But it kind of is this, it was the first movie, it was called AI, Artificial Intelligence, and it was the first movie that kind of brought forward robots and robots developing consciousness and they have feelings and you retire slash get rid of them, but you treated them as a part of your family.

1:41:23It was a crazy movie. And it's from, what year is this from? Okay, it's 2001, but it, I swear to God, it felt like it was from the 90s when I watched it. Hmm. But. It's a crazy concept. Crazy concept. I love like futuristic movies. So if anyone has good recs, send them my way. I think you'd like that one too. It is really, really good. But with this person, I think you are so fair to have your boundary. And you do need to talk to him and get on the same page. You're dating. You're not married yet. You're also 25. Yeah. this potentially is just not a good match for you. And maybe there's a lot of factors.

1:42:09There's a lot of context missing, but there's a lot going on here. And I think you're fair to have these boundaries. Does OP have more responses or? We kind of got into them all. Okay. The last response, I guess I never really had this boundary until I found out about this. I never thought about this scenario before, so I haven't had a boundary for it, I guess. If you don't have anything to contribute, just keep scrolling, dude, in response to someone kind of trolling her and just being a dick. But very real account, seemingly a part of the two-year club. A lot of different achievements, including streaks, exploration awards, community moderation awards.

1:42:53Very seemingly real account. Got a detective doggo award I like that one very cute look at this little guy Detective doggo I want that I know me too Got it back in 2024 Do you guys get those things do you guys post I don't really Post From my THT Reddit anymore I used to have like haters literally Find my comments and just like Be like fuck you Morgan So I stopped posting on that one i was like fuck fuck okay that's funny so but do you have like a i have like a throwaway account that i but you've posted stuff on i haven't put no i haven't posted anything no but i just like i like to leave comments like if i see a post where someone's really struggling and just like i don't know what to do it's it's i don't know i'm just gonna be like throw my hat in the ring of like here's resources like there was someone i saw struggling to like find therapy and I like sent them emotions anonymous which is like not therapy but it's a free group where you can at least go talk to people connect with people so I like message people or will comment from time to time but I just like it's nice to not have it traceable like I'm not totally I'm not trying to get karma I'm just like no I'm trying to participate in reddit in the way I used to because that's why I started this.

1:44:18Like I found joy going on Reddit and just being a part of a community and helping and contributing. Yeah. And that's what we try to do. This episode is brought to you by Nintendo. Everyone's version of Me Time is a little different. That's why the Nintendo Switch 2 system is so fun with exclusive and Nintendo Switch compatible games like Mario Kart World, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Nintendo Switch 2 Edition, Tomodachi Life, Live in the Dream, or Yoshi and the Mysterious Book, there's something for every vibe. And with upgraded hardware, play at home or on the go, whenever the mood hits. Learn more at Nintendo.com slash Nintendo Switch 2.

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1:45:38When you start to feel like there's too much on your plate, you can count on credit karma for less craziness and more credit. You're here every week. I love it. But, yeah. I do have one last one for us. How do I, female 24, nip my boyfriend's, male 26, weaponized incompetence in the bud? My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. He moved into my apartment, for reference. It's been amazing. but recently I've begun to notice more and more instances of just flat-out incompetence from him that are either new or no longer explainable by him being new in my apartment, which him and I both consider ours now.

1:46:24Some examples being me asking him to put away our mop and him saying, quote, I don't know where it goes. It's never not been in the pantry. me cleaning and asking him if he could just finish by mopping the floors and after I asked him later that day if he did it he said he looked everywhere and couldn't find the mop this was shortly after the last incident where he ended up putting the mop away himself more examples are me asking if he could vacuum our bedroom I have bad allergies and vacuum often and him playfully saying, quote, I don't know how, yet still not doing it. He does the playfully saying, I don't know how, I don't know where, I don't know what thing, and then proceeds to not do it more and more often now.

1:47:21Just looking for a way to confront this behavior ASAP, because it feels like when I get frustrated with him when he does this stuff, he acts the part harder and doubles down that he genuinely doesn't know how, what, or where. When I refuse to help him, he simply does it wrong or just doesn't do it at all. I can't keep walking him through basic tasks, having to keep tabs on everything in the apartment that needs to be done myself, and keep doing everything for two by myself. So frustrating. I want to throw him off a cliff. Wow. Just kidding. It's like I'm sassy from the wine. Well, and it's like my partner is like there's things that he's done along these lines, too.

1:48:07But like, I can't tell if I don't know if it's weaponized.

1:48:15the thing is is that he grocery shops and cooks every single meal so he makes up for it in other ways so i feel like i'm like i'll get frustrated but i'm like i mean i guess i can pull my weight too yeah so i mean if i were to be doing the cooking and that i would lose my mind and i would literally be like this is not gonna work but like i feel like there's there's a lot of weight pulled so it's it's really that feels like a fair trade-off for you yeah but it's not have to cook oh yeah ever like literally yeah but it's just but it's still really annoying when i'm just like i'm like can you could you just clean the counters i'm so busy and he's like yeah cleans the counters and I'm like did you clean the counters?

1:49:07and he's like yeah and I'm like no you didn't I wiped it with a paper towel is your definition of clean different than his? very I'm like no there's a dried up sauce like spilled all across the counter what do you mean? he's like I cleaned no you didn't I I think I've come to terms with the fact that my definition of clean will never be reached until there's a full-time staff like in Bridgerton that is constantly cleaning everything. I am a tornado. I don't know how it happens. It's your love for clothes. I'm a messy person, but I really feel like I do try. I try. You guys are clean, though. She tries like Brian, Brian, clean.

1:49:59Yeah. Fuck you guys. But you guys are clean. Like your kitchen and bathroom, those are all clean. It's not untidy. I just have too much stuff. So my goal right now is to really purge and donate and declutter. I need to declutter. Yeah. But I also live in a very, very teeny tiny house. Like it's tiny. It's 1100 square feet. And I just don't have enough room for how many things I've accumulated over the years. It feels bigger than that because you guys have like the front and the back area I didn't realize it was 1100 Teeny tiny Yeah, and a lot of our space is the living room and the kitchen Like bedrooms are like 10 feet by 10 feet So you're kind of in a box in the back But like the common areas do feel open Right Hence, we're doing a bigger house soon So it's like, yeah Okay But I'm trying to be clean I'm really trying Oh, we'll get there.

1:51:01We'll get there. But I really don't know how to deal with a partner like this because it feels like there's always a way out. It's just got to get to the point where it actually turns serious. It's not an ultimatum, but it's like, this is starting to actually take a toll on me and how I view the relationship. Because otherwise it'll never be taken seriously. It'll just be, I don't know, because it's a game that they're getting away with. They can't get away with it. That was going to be my question to you guys. Is it more so the fact that he's playing dumb that's the problem versus not doing it?

1:51:41I'm like, I understand like you forgot to do it, you didn't do it or you attempted to do it and you didn't do it well and you're just kind of spacing it out. But I think it's the fact that he keeps genuinely, continuously playing dumb. I don't know where the mob goes he put it away last I think that weaponized incompetence is like way worse however if it's just like somebody they just genuinely like are like I don't know where the broom I don't know how to do this and like and you try to teach them and they genuinely don't understand and it's not weaponized then it's kind of like well that's concerning too why can't you like this is important to me like why can't you take a second to let your brain like take this in take notes like i don't know like what you need to do do you go to a class is that how you would confront them what class do you need to go back to eighth grade home mac think about all the people just in the class like this is how you wipe a counter and they're all doing it together like it's actually hilarious honestly i would like to go to that yeah everyone needs there's so many like common little skills you don't even know you need did you know you're supposed to open the front of your washing machine and drain it there's a lot of things like that I have not had a washing machine well I'll let you do it on mine I'll let you attempt it on mine because I tried it once and it flooded my laundry room oh that's my next like stage in life that I want to get to is like having and unit washer and dryer because I like over this past year, I realized I have never had one besides when I was a kid growing up.

1:53:23I will say, though, the one that I lived in with Olive like most recently, it was like right downstairs. So and it was only a one floor. So it almost felt like it was downstairs of our place. So versus like a common area, you got to walk through a complex. Like I've had it before where I literally had to like walk a mile through the desert. Not actually, but like it felt like that. Yeah. So the top comment on this one with 10 ,000 upvotes. When he does the I don't know, the response is, quote, are you serious or are you just saying that to get out of doing work around our house. And if he says he really doesn't know, then say, well, you managed to find your clothes and shoes in the apartment every day, so I'm not sure why you can't find the mop.

1:54:19And he'll probably say something like, well, those are my things. And you respond with, quote, so what you're saying is it's not up to you to keep our place clean, so you don't need to remember where it is? Followed by, so how many times does your boss have to tell you exactly how to do things at work? Or, well, how do you manage to play X video game if your memory is so faulty? But honestly, about halfway through that, you'll find out whether a light bulb goes off over his head or if you'll be having this conversation or doing all of the work for as long as you live with him. Well, honestly, his reaction to my first question will tell you everything you need to know.

1:55:05That is actually something I've used before, the work thing, to try to get it through to partners. Like, it actually does help. Because if a partner is trying to tell you that they just can't, and it's something that they could if it was to their boss, then you're like, okay, so you can. You just choose not because you're not prioritizing something that I care about. And then like that's like they're like, whoa, you're right. I mean, there's got to be tradeoffs. Is mopping fun? No. Is doing laundry fun? No. But there's got to be tradeoffs and a team effort. If you're all splitting the chores evenly, everyone takes a turn.

1:55:50You, I do like your scenario. I kind of have a similar one. I don't cook much. I hate cooking. I love a meal kit delivered right to you. But like other than that, Justin does a lot of the cooking. So I will try to do laundry or I went hands and knees and I scrubbed our grout in our shower over the course of six hours and I'm still working on it. But like I'll do more things like that. Like we have tradeoffs in terms of what we do. And he's really good about all the trash bins and he wheels those down all the time. and wait house cleaner why wouldn't you do that like six hours scrubbing your shower like my house special tools for that my house isn't clean enough to bring a cleaner in yet I have too many clothes all over the place and I need to just declutter before someone can come in my house go on task rabbit and be like who has special tools to get this off of my shower and just have them do the shower.

1:56:50Six hours? You're doing that for six hours? Well, you know that Dawn dish soap, the power scrub? It's meant for really crazy dirty pans. They have better stuff than that. Justin's like, please quit telling the people our house is so messy. Oh, no. I'm just... I'm listening here. And Lauren's trying to give you cop-out ways to not contribute. Cop-out! I thought I was doing a good thing. No, we definitely want to get there to where neither of us have to really clean. I mean, oh, I see what you're saying. It's just like it's not possible. We definitely want help. I just need to, I need, I need less shit.

1:57:31Call the closet organizer. I'm going to declutter. I'm going to downsize, but it's also, again, small house. I can only do so much. I've literally packed up half my clothes and put them in the garage. Whatever. besides the point. We do get a minor update on this one. I'd like to thank everyone for their rage, first of all, because it was driving me absolutely nuts, and I felt quite sane after reading everyone's comments. I'd also like to say I have no intention of breaking up with him. People are imperfect, men especially so. This I have always understood and genuinely do, but have room to tolerate.

1:58:13Yesterday, I confronted him directly. We were about to settle down and relax, and I basically told him I'm constantly stressed about how dirty the house is. He said, it is not dirty. I told him to look at the floor. There's dirt and dust visibly on it. He said, that doesn't take long to clean. I was baffled right there. I said, then clean it. right now. It takes 10 minutes. He complained that he wanted to relax. Oh, wow. Now I'm pissed. So do I. It's hard to relax when I know there's a pile of dirt on the floor and that I seem to be the only person capable of picking up a broom. He said, get this, quote, have you considered that I just don't want to.

1:59:08Done. Move out. Oh my God, I was pissed. I said, have you considered that no one wants to clean, but we do it anyways because it's our shared responsibility to clean the place we live in? Then it clicked for him. He cleaned the floor and I sat my ass down and did nothing. He cleaned all the floors, found the mop, figured out the vacuum. I know this could be a one-off thing that he could never clean again. If that happens, Reddit, I will take your 1 ,000 pleas of leaving him more seriously. But for now, it seems that it's gotten to him. Did not see that one coming. Me neither. Like, what? I thought things were about to go down.

1:59:58I was ready for a brawl Then homie cleaned Did I say that right? Yeah brawl

2:00:08She genuinely Did you hear this sentence? I'd also like to say I have no intention of breaking up with him People are imperfect Parentheses Men especially so

2:00:25What does that mean? I mean she's not wrong But I know what you're saying What does that mean? And then to be like For him to look her in the eyes and say Have you considered that I just don't want to? I was so livid. What's wrong with, how did that click for him when she's like, oh yeah, I don't either. And he's like, oh, okay. I know, it took like a very, I don't know. Maybe he thought she genuinely liked it. Maybe he was like, she gets a lot of joy in vacuuming. That could be true. Which I do love vacuuming. But that's the one thing I like. When it's possible. I'm trying You know what bothers me?

2:01:12Putting dishes away I hate the noises I have to wear earplugs a lot of times No, I get stressed out Because I know there's always going to be something in there That's like a wonky random thing That I don't know where to put it Throw it away No, it'll be like something like I'm kidding, I was fully kidding It'll be like something that like Brian uses It's like a blender smoothie cup or something and I don't know where they go. And I don't know where to put them and there's not room in the regular cups. Like the broom. Yeah, exactly. Where does it go? No, literally, I'm just like, I'm too stressed out.

2:01:49Where do I put this? So then I'll leave it out and I'll be like, oh, I left out your things. I don't know where they go. Can you put them away? How many times have you put them away now? Me? Mm-hmm. I put them somewhere random every time. It's like a musical cup thing. Kind of like that, though. Keeping it interesting for them. Well, his counter cleaning and you're leaving the cuffs out almost like balances itself out. You guys are pretty balanced. I guess so. You do have a lot of trade-offs. Yeah. I think we have a lot of trade-offs too. We're getting there. You got a lot of shit too, my guy.

2:02:24Don't act all innocent. Lauren's guest bed she's supposed to sleep on covered with your clothes. Those are all of my clothes. I don't give him much space in the closet. We're all organizing this weekend. That's what we did. I know. I know. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, guys. I hope a lot of you out there listening had a great time cleaning your house while listening to this. I know we've got a lot of cleaners out there, a lot of workouters out there. Let me know how you're moving. I'm going to go back to Pilates sometime this week. Like, I would love to do a poll of like a breakdown of like what most of the listeners are doing.

2:03:07Are doing. Like, do we think that the cleaners are like, are they in first place? I'm not sure. We've got cleaners, workouters, a lot of drivers. Also workers. Workers. Like people who are working. Absolutely. Would running be a workout or does that get its own category? Running would go into workouts because we only have limited poll options. Mm-hmm. We could put that up. I'd love to know. Me too. Traveling? Traveling. Because you could be on a plane. Should we do traveling to include work commute? Transportation? I feel like driving will be the number one if we leave it on its own. But I think I only get four poll options total.

2:03:46What about on YouTube? Do they have stuff like that? They just implemented a quiz feature, but I don't think I get more on that either. Really? No. What if one of them's having sex? yeah I did have one other story where some guy has a mustard fetish but we'll get into that later okay people put like Spotify playlists on what if all of a sudden they're in the middle of it and THD comes on that's the goal they're getting a stop and hit like no no that's the goal do you guys listen to podcasts podcasts yeah like in general or like no in general oh well I mean I understand the confusion. NPR Life Kit.

2:04:30Some other true crime stuff. Like Annie Elise. I love her. She's great. But some other true crime stuff to like, especially if I'm researching cases, I'll listen to like their episodes on it to see. But no, I'm in podcasts every day, all day. I just don't. I've started to listen to music more, which is like something new. That is new for you. Yeah. especially when I drive. That's amazing. I know. I was just, I just mentioned this the other day that you, that you're not the biggest music person. If I have someone in the car with me, cause I want to talk to them. If I'm by myself, music. And it's loud.

2:05:12See, I'm bumping. that is what I'm worried about with my ears is that when I'm in my car by myself, like I turn it up so loud that like, I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? But I like, I love it. It makes me so happy. It is good in the car. Yeah. And then after I get out of the car, I'm like, or if you get back in and it's like, oh, yeah, a situation and you're like, whoa, this is loud. That's exactly how I know it's bad because I turn it up little by little. And every time like the beat drops, I'm like, yeah, or like the chorus, you know, just a little bit more. What's your go to song right now?

2:05:43Oh, my gosh. I don't know. I mean, I'm obsessed with like the entire Ariana Grande album. Like, did she come up with something new? Yeah. Oh, my God. I haven't listened. I mean, not super new, actually. It's a bit, but she is coming out. She's going on tour for it. There's so many artists I want to go see on tour. Yeah. So many. I'm obsessed with it. I've listened to like all of the songs on it so many times. But when it comes to like blasting the music and getting louder and louder, there's like one of my all time favorite songs is Drive By by Train. It's like that. I just crank it. Oh, my gosh.

2:06:23It's just it's so good. There's so many others. But what I did realize Is that sometimes I'll get like a phone call Answer the phone call Blast you Hang up the phone call And I'm like Ah I'm like oh my god It's terrifying Yeah no it's bad Go to song right now Click Clack Symphony By Ray Okay Little Hans Zimmer feature Okay So good So so so good Love Olivia Rodrigo's new one especially Justin pulled up the music video. He's like, don't watch it until I can show you. Wait, I don't think I knew that. We'll put it on in the car on the way home right now. Okay. She's running through Versailles. Running through Versailles, just her.

2:07:09And we kind of had a weird experience at Versailles. We were the last ones there. I think we like got lost in the gardens and they missed us on their security sweep. And we literally have pictures of just us. Versailles is empty and we're there. Not on the inside like Olivia was, but that song is really good. But Ray, her whole album is super fun. What have you discovered? Any good songs recently? Well, I don't listen to music for the same reason you don't listen to podcasts. Yeah, you're kind of in it, but that's a lie. You listen to like orchestral stuff. Yeah, I don't listen to like song songs.

2:07:43We have a concert coming up soon. We're seeing the organ girl from TikTok. I listen to the campfire song song. Hmm? What's that? The campfire song song. Is that from VeggieTales? Does it need to have - Another reference that the people will know that you guys are just missing. Okay. I mean, he did introduce me to Purse First before anything. Yeah, we're seeing Anna Lapwood. Purse First. She's an organ player. We're seeing her in concert. That's soon. On the 3rd. That's soon. We booked that forever ago. We booked that like feels like a year ago. It's crazy. But drop any new songs you're listening to in the comments.

2:08:19Any podcast, any like good brain refreshers, resetters. And PR Life Kit's really fun. But like any books, because Fourth Wing was incredible. Things That Will Make Me Smarter. I love that. Yes, yes. Audiobook or podcast, like either way, I have long drives. So I always, you are really good about that. I like to mix it in with some knowledge once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. Drop whatever you've got in the comments. I'm going to remember to put a poll up. And hey, again, please subscribe almost to a million on YouTube so even if you're an audio listener and you want to pop over there and just hit subscribe on YouTube for your good old friend Morgan I'd really appreciate it well just hit that subscribe button hit that subscribe button and maybe head over to Patreon there's some good episodes over there I don't like this at all You guys are looking at me like I'm gonna participate And I'm not You've never done a western accent Try it Just try like a little cowboy accent You look like one of those Clay figures like Gromit and Wallace Is that what they're called?

2:09:37You flipped it Wallace and Gromit Just try a country accent just once Until next time Can't get that image on my head No, that's not going to happen Just once How much? We will sit here all night How much? How much money? 20 bucks? 20 bucks Okay I don't know how to do it You gotta be like Okay, that's all we got Partner and giddy up on out of here Until next time You gotta, like For 20 bucks it's gotta be good I don't know I'm not You got it Just try You did British really well I'm ready I'm locked in I won't look at you Wow, giddy up there partner because I just had a great time with my pal Morgan and Justin.

2:10:24Well, looky here now. We got Laura to join the party.

2:10:30Was that good enough?

2:10:36I don't think anything that sounds similar to that has like ever come down to my mouth. That was the absolute wrong time to drink. Until next time guys Bye Bye Bye.

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