267: Relationship PROBLEMS!

28:15Yeah. And then if you're still having issues, then we just separate the twins. We put a nightstand in between us. Or like, I don't know, two twin beds near each other. That's like, that's the best of both worlds for them. Right. Or you just get like a huge king and you sleep on either edge. Same sheet though. That doesn't work. That's true. I will say I do love how much OP is trying to just be like, I'm going to work on this. this is a me thing my OCD and I'm like girl like you are putting in so much work and I really appreciate that but like this also is like a normal thing for a lot of people too so like don't put so much pressure on yourself to like fix air quotes fix this like I understand your mindset and I really appreciate your willingness and awareness to work on it but at the same time like this is kind of a normal desire to want your partner to be clean in bed when you go to sleep Yes.

29:12So I think there's solutions that will appease that while also not putting so much pressure upon yourself. No. And I want to see your effort matched by your partner. Yes. And if it's not matched, then there might be a discussion of like, maybe we shouldn't be moving in together because it's then kind of more about respect and just care and willingness to move through life together and compromise. This probably isn't the first compromise. It's definitely not going to be the last. And this isn't going to be the hardest one. No, this feels easy, except maybe investing money, which could take some time if you don't have the ability to buy a new bed.

29:50But that's what you do as a couple. Yeah. You work through that. Yeah. There's a cute comment here from OP2 that just says, I do hope to be a parent one day and kids are walking Petri dishes. I will have to get used to it one day. Why not today? Which also makes sense about the motivation and like wanting to just like really tackle this. Yeah. OP just seems so sweet But okay Moving on to this next one We don't have an official update yet I hope we get one Okay But until then We gotta move along Okay So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole Titled Am I the Asshole for expecting my girlfriend To do my half of her chores as well Okay To do my half of her chores as well My of her, okay Very confusing title everyone I've been having arguments with my girlfriend regarding chores for a while and it just doesn't make any sense When we started dating she mentioned how she doesn't want to be a mom to me and wants me to handle myself regarding domestic duties I was completely fine with that I was living on my own when we met and did everything by myself managed my own life No problem at all We moved in together and we clashed a fair bit and decided it would be best to just assign certain chores and stick with that.

31:13She hates being in the kitchen and doesn't want to cook. She also doesn't like doing the dishes because of her nails. I thought that was a pretty lame excuse, but whatever. I agreed to do everything in the kitchen. That means all the cooking, dishes, cleaning pans, wiping down stoves, countertop, etc. Personally, I thought that was a phenomenal deal for her, even if she did everything else. She said, okay, you handle that and we'll separate everything else in half. We'll split the laundry, split the cleaning bathrooms and toilets, take turns grocery shopping, etc. Now, if everything was shared, I would be fine with that.

31:52But she wants me to handle the kitchen entirely and split everything else. Her argument is, well, you know how much I hate these chores, but I'm willing to split it with you, and that shows how much I want to be a team as I'm not flat out refusing and being difficult. That doesn't make any sense to me. First of all, if I'm handling the kitchen for both of us, which is daily, I think it's more than fair for you alone to handle laundry weekly, cleaning toilets, bathrooms weekly. when I ask her to do my laundry or iron my clothes or anything like that, she says that I'm not your maid or your mom.

32:32What the fuck? Am I not being your private chef? Am I not being your private dishwasher? I'm not throwing it in your face because I'm willing to do that for the both of us. Also, frankly speaking, I don't give a fuck if you hate chores. It's part of being an adult. They need to be done, and that's not a good excuse to pin more on your partner because they are able to deal with it better. It's just frustrating. I honestly thought this would be a I do this for both of us, you do this for both of us, etc. Which would be so easy, but it's not. I don't even think I'm being unreasonable at all. In fact, I think I'm being more than fair.

33:11Am I the asshole? No, you are being more than fair. It's just simply a mismatch because we could talk all day about what's right and what's wrong and what's fair. And, you know, I don't think anything ever is truly 50-50 unless we're splitting a bill. Sure. Then we can get down to the, you know, 50 % mark, but nothing else is ever truly going to be 50-50. And I think you were, you were going into it, right? You were communicating well, you guys discovered an issue and you were communicating to solve it in a really good way. Now we see the equitable sense of the chores in different ways because you're doing 75 % and she's doing 25 % if we take it to the percentage again.

34:06The issue is we're not agreeing on how to operate as a team. It's an overall issue. It's not laundry versus kitchen. I do think kitchen is a big one every day. Kitchen takes longer than a lot of other things do. But then again, that's going to look different for every single couple, every single team out there. But when we can't come to an agreeance on what that looks like and you've tried, then I don't know where you turn because there's not a governing authority that's going to come in and say, no, you must do laundry because he is doing kitchen. And that's just not going to happen. You guys either will sort it out or you won't.

34:55And the thing about not sorting it out is it kind of takes you down as a relationship. I mean, it just won't end up working out because you have to figure out how to live together to have a full, rounded relationship. I don't understand what she's not understanding about like he's taking this whole huge chore section off of her plate. So therefore she needs to pick it up in a different way in another area. Like there's got to be a trade-off. Yes. And I'm like, what's not clicking? And I think this is honestly a pretty big red flag for things going forward. What happens if you get a pet and she doesn't want to scoop poop, clean up anything, take care of the pet?

35:44What happens if you have a kid? She doesn't want to change diapers. That's gross. I mean, there's other areas where you could kind of equate that to. Like I would also say, hey, guess what? I'm not taking all the kitchen stuff anymore. It's back to 50-50, girl. You're not picking up in other areas. No one likes chores. That's what being an adult is though. You can come help in the kitchen now. Cook a couple of meals. Get in there. Get in there, little doggie. Yeah. Let's go. Well, I think if one person predominantly is the cook or is predominantly the laundry doer, that doesn't mean you should let laundry pile up forever because they do 100 % of it.

36:23I think the other person should always take on a little bit. If she had to cook one night because of the circumstances that day, that should not be an issue. You always should be able to do everything while specializing. But it's like you can't just be, oh, I will never set foot in the kitchen ever, no matter what. Even if you're dying in the hospital, I'm still going to wait for you to cook my meal. It's weird. You have to be flexible. I mean, I hate cooking. A lot of you guys know this. I don't handle a majority of our meals, but like I would say we're probably, I don't know, would you say like 70, 30 on like you're in the kitchen cooking?

37:05I'm just cooking. Like I do dishwasher. I feel like otherwise it's pretty even, but like cooking wise, I really hate cooking, but then I'm happy to do other stuff. I don't need you to vacuum ever. I'll clean the toilets. Oh, I like a good vacuum. I love laundry. I, I will still do everything. I know. Even if like laundry was your task, I would still be putting in loads here and there. Yeah. And this just, this is not it. My guy, like you're getting a glimpse. This is what it'll be. Top comment with 13 K upvotes. She didn't want to mum you. She wants you to mum her. Yeah. Next comment. This do as I say, not as I do.

37:46Next comment down. The irony is wild. She dodged being your mom so she could turn you into her dad, who handles all the daily grind. Yeah. Slip or slope? Next comment. Exactly this. Throw the whole woman away. Someone says, not the asshole. Kitchen chores are the worst. Living with someone who doesn't understand that is a pain. Laundry is by far the easiest chore. It's 10 minutes of actual work loading and unloading slash putting away. 5k upvotes. Someone responds, if someone offered to do everything in the kitchen for me, I'd jump at it even if that means doing everything else. Apparently it's just me lol It's pretty labor intensive to do every single day, especially if you eat three meals a day Which I wager is most people so many chores are done weekly and only take 30 minutes at most I would happily take this deal if you want to offer this to me I mean sure but our laundry is pretty hard to navigate.

38:43I would say too We're kind of particular but the thing is is it's not equitable that we're not I don't think that's the right word but it's not fair even from an outsider everyone determines their own fairness so that's why I think it's just a mismatch look at all these other people that are like oh my god present that to yep let's do it I'll do everything I'll do more I know it's goofy it's goofy no update on this one OP has deleted the post, but searching their account, still active on Reddit, commenting in r slash change my view, r slash stupid questions. Stupid questions is a great one. R slash no stupid questions.

39:26That one too. But yeah, not seeing any comments in regards to this. So that's all we got. Okay. All we got here. Moving on to this next one. Moving on. This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma to keep up with your financial needs as they evolve. They'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track, no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma.

40:03Karma you can count on. This one is coming from Relationship Advice, nine days old. It is titled, How Can I, 37 Female, Tell My Husband, 38 Male, That He's Not Allowed to Use His Deceased Grandmother's China? Yes, this makes me an asshole. I get it. I still want to open this up for discussion with him. My husband's grandma had a set of antique china that she painstakingly collected over her lifetime. It's beautiful. And one of the last times I saw her, she told me how sad she was that she had nobody to leave it to who would appreciate it. I said that I was sure one of her other relatives would love it, but that if she wanted to leave it to me, I would absolutely cherish it.

40:51I was worried that it was inappropriate to say that, but she seemed thrilled and packed it up for me that same day. That was five years ago. My husband and I do not agree on how this tea set should be used. I think it should be put away and taken out a few times a year for birthdays or when we want to be fancy or just deliberately remember his grandma. He wants to use them much more often. When I'm away, I know he drinks coffee from the teacups every day, for instance. The problem is, he's also extremely clumsy. We go through dishes really quickly. A new set of drinking glasses at least once a year.

41:30He breaks at least one dish every month. He broke the teapot the first year we had it. He initially promised to replace it, but then realized it would cost a fair amount of money and never did. I replaced it in the end. He's broken two teacups already. I loved his grandma, but obviously I didn't love her as much as he did. They were very important to each other, and I know using the china makes him feel close to her. But I also know that she loved her china collection and was very careful with it. I think she left it to me because she knew I would do the same. I hate that it keeps getting broken.

42:10I know my husband likes to drink coffee out of more delicate cups, so I buy him a second-hand china teacup every time he needs a new one. Today, I went to do the dishes and moved a heavy pan in the sink, only to find one of his grandma's teacups, unbroken thankfully, right underneath it. I said, passive-aggressively, I realize, quote, hey, when did you start using these as everyday cups again? And he said, quote, oh, well, I broke my everyday one last week. I'm frustrated and annoyed. It's important to me that this China be protected to a reasonable degree. I'm not saying we should never use them, just that we should be deliberate and careful about it.

42:56I don't know how to get him on board or whether I should just let this go and let them get broken. I fully agree with that point there. It's a very dicey situation. It's not crazy high stakes. It's not some crazy relationship thing going on here, but it really does make you think, it almost goes, what was like Socrates and all them? What were they? Philosophers? It almost makes you go to the philosophy of it. What would a philosopher say? What is the right and wrong? No matter what his use of it is, is that wrong because it was his grandma. Yes, it wasn't directly passed, but at the same time where was he in the conversation about the china originally being handed down when his grandma was still here what was the interaction there i mean based on what op wrote i think these china pieces this collection was given to op the wife no i know that because she would cherish it and appreciate it right but where was he at that time in that discussion No mention.

44:11Irrelevant. So like had, I wish I had known had grandma offered it to him and it just, it just wasn't. I don't think so because grandma was worried and talking to the wife and being like, I don't think anyone cherishes these. No one's going to love them like I will. I spent my life 70, 80 years collecting this china. Yeah. I'm worried that no one's going to care that they'll end up on a Goodwill shelf. Goodwill, I saw your comments. And so I think at that moment, it was like she piped up not wanting to step on anyone's toes and said, I'm sure someone would cherish them. But like if no one, you know, you don't think anyone's going to fit, I'll take them.

44:53Grandma immediately packed them up because she saw the love. I don't think he had love, expressed love. Maybe now that grandma's gone, he looks at them and has these fond memories of grandma and her china cabinet. But he does not respect them. by any means, his disregard for these cups, I can't imagine loving them, respecting them because they were my grandma's and putting them in the sink under a heavy pan. I don't think those two go hand in hand. So I'm like, does he like a dainty cup? And you just need to go to a thrift store and buy 20 dainty cups? She's tried over and over. And I know like, this is not that big of a deal, this would send me.

45:39I would be enraged. He's broken two and the teapot and then never replaced it. So you don't care about your grandma's piece and collection because you wouldn't have been so careless with it. And you don't care about me because when you did break it, you know how much it meant to me and you told me you'd replace it, but you never did. You left your burden of the broken teapot and placed it on me. I'm like, what? What? It's so frustrating to me. And I hate that OP at the top was like, yes, this makes me an asshole. I get it.

46:18Am I missing something? Because like, I don't think you're an asshole based on the information I have. No, I think I agree with all of all of the points from her. It's just whose is it? It's theirs. But at the same time, for me, this would have always been kind of a display only set. I agree. China cabinet is a term for a reason. And then you have the plates on the stands where they face outward and you can set it all up behind the glass. And it's theirs display. It's not really there to be used, especially not daily used, but I'd be nervous even using something like this on occasion. I think there's fancy occasions.

47:02I think if you have a little brunch and you want to have, you know, your family use this china, I think that's beautiful. My grandma Margaret uses her fancy china for things like Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. And it's twice a year, three times a year. Maybe whip them out for Easter too. But like, it's fine during those moments because you're more mindful that, oh my gosh, okay, fancy dinner, fancy china, fancy meal. You're not typically also throwing them in the sink, then putting pans on top. So this would be like a really serious thing for me. And I don't think in my head, maybe I'm unique in this sense.

47:45I don't think the fact that it was his grandma adds any more weight to him being able to use these. Like they were gifted to OP because OP would cherish them. He does not cherish them or things would not end up continuously getting broken. I mean, how do you break dishes so often, even regular dishes? How do you break drinking glasses? The fact that you're going through a drinking glass set a year. Yeah, and then one dish a month. How? I don't even know how you do that. I don't know. I haven't broken a dish since, I don't know. I can't even remember. It's been ages. Decades. I'm old. Let's get into the comments because OP does have a little bit of an edit that was added.

48:36I have not read it, but let's get into the comments first. Top comment with almost 3K upvotes. Is there something wrong with him? Like, look, I'm clumsy. I have ADHD. I break a few dishes now and then. He broke the teapot, promised to replace it, backed out, and then instead of feeling shameful, you had to replace it yourself, he continued to use and break the set? Question mark? Like dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. This feels like the symptom of a deeper issue. Being clumsy is one thing. Being thoughtless and insisting to use something that was gifted to you feels like a red flag, especially when you had to replace it yourself.

49:13I would be very upset. Easiest solution? Image search the set, find cheaper cups that look like the ones in the set, box the real things up, let him break the new shit. Without knowing. Ugh, but that pisses me off because if you have a china cabinet or like cabinets in your kitchen that have the glass. I know, because now you're hiding it away and that's not what anyone wanted anyway. That's also risky. Yeah, sure. Like my dad boxed up a set of his nice plates and we dug them out of storage and they were all broken except like two. So that's also a risk. They're safe in the cupboard if he will keep his grimy, irresponsible paws off them.

49:52And that is a fair boundary and a fair ask. Your past behavior has removed your privilege to the pretty cups. Act like a child and break cups. No cups for you. When it's like the ones she was getting from other places secondhand that were similarly delicate. Yeah. That would have been a great way to prove, hey, I haven't broken this cup in over a year. Yeah. I'm ready to use grandma's china again. But nope, every time breaks the cup over and over, this guy have anger issues or something and like throw stuff. Like I just don't understand. Yeah, what's going on really? I just I don't know how you're breaking the stuff.

50:37Beyond baffling, someone does reply to the top comment and says, yes, I have ADHD too. Very clumsy, always breaking and bumping into things. but every single mug my partner uses is thrifted or from her childhood and are all extremely sentimental and practically irreplaceable. I broke one once and we were both devastated. I now make sure to handle them with an iron grip because I care. No amount of executive dysfunction makes me forget to be super careful every day. OP's husband is an asshole. Yeah, yeah. But I don't even want to use that stuff then if it's that sentimental. I want to look at it.

51:13I know, but I don't. Oh, what is his thing? What is going on here to where he's like insistent on using these? I'm so weirded out. It could be some, you know, hindsight's 20-20. I miss my grandma. I feel connected when I use these. You can always make that argument in his position. But then again, that completely contrasts why they're in the sink, under the pan, or breaking all the time. People do start pointing out, as a major klutz myself, I would say the rate he's breaking dishes is not normal. is there a known condition he has such as hand tremors or something that would explain it if he's got yeah early onset parkinson's or ms or something else going on that's causing a tremor or decreased grip strength and it's just slipping and blah blah blah like that would make total sense and then i'm like okay well if that were the case then i understand how maybe he's really trying and he's frustrated.

52:10He's breaking things. He's sad that he's losing his ability to hold a teacup or whatever. But again, if that were the case, you then do have to kind of be mindful that I need cups that people don't care about. I need more info. So the edit. Edit to add, I didn't expect this many comments that quickly. So just to address something everyone seems to be sane. He's got pretty severe ADHD. A lot of things get broken. Sometimes it's better managed than others, but we'll go through periods of time where there are a lot of mishaps. Medication isn't an option, unfortunately. He's tried multiple times. This isn't an issue of him just not trying to get it under control, and managing it through other means is kind of inconsistently helpful.

53:01I'm not absolving him of responsibility here, but it's not coming from a place of maliciousness or uncaring. Okay. So now that we know that, it then makes the case stronger to let's make this a display China set. Exactly. And even in his position then, knowing that information, why, and the history of breaking, why would you want to keep using this stuff? Knowing that it'll probably continually be broken until we don't have any left. You know, I'm just curious what the argument would be there. I'm trying to see if there's any comments from OP. There's one other post from a couple of years ago.

53:45How do I tell my guy he doesn't need to buy me a Christmas present, even though I am a Christmas monster? We usually buy each other fun and nice gifts on birthdays and Christmas, but I'm starting to feel like this is a source of stress for him. For my last birthday, he bought me a beautiful thing. I've been waiting for ages, but he didn't actually order it until the day of my birthday. He was really, really apologetic and kind of just made me feel awful and sad and like it was a stressful obligation for him. I would have far preferred a nice card over watching him sit at his laptop trying to make a decision while dinner got cold.

54:17I like giving things more than I like getting them. So now, because I am an anxious and obsessive person, I can't stop worrying about Christmas. I get a lot of joy out of making stockings for my friends and delivering cookie tins around town. I currently have little letter-shaped ham pies in the oven to drop off at our local post office for the workers there. I'm a holiday monster. I've had my guy's Christmas gift since August. I'm excited for him to have it. But if he didn't get me anything, this nice present and this thoughtful stocking are just going to make him feel shitty. That's the last thing I want.

54:44So does anyone have scripts for, quote, please don't feel obligated to buy me a present even though I've gone entirely overboard as usual. I don't like that. It's not hard to get people gifts. And I, I understand his ADHD is very bad and he struggles with a lot of executive dysfunction and difficulty remembering things and procrastination. And I get it. Yeah, I do. But like, you should still feel cherished and loved. And you can always ask too. If you're, if you're, if it's really hard to get something for someone, you could say ahead of time what kind of things are you looking at what would you like if you struggle with that sort of thing because it shows the effort it's all about the effort absolutely and you know if it's hey I would love a nice night out dinner movie night whatever it is That would be wonderful as a gift to me.

55:41Because a lot of people now are like, I don't want things. I don't want stuff. So it's like, well, what kind of experience? What could I do for you on your birthday that would make it special? That is easy to ask. Doesn't take away. Yeah, it's not a surprise gift, but I think it shows that effort. And that's what people want. I know and it doesn't seem like he's putting in as much effort. OP does have some comments. I'm able to find them on my handy dandy little sneaky website I'm using now. A lot more insight into his patterns and behavior. Like he once left his laptop on the roof of his car and drove away with it up there.

56:22Also multiple times forgot to put the car in park and got out of it. This doesn't happen anymore. He's put a lot of work into managing more severe stuff. I'm pretty sure his ADHD will kill him at some point. That's like some pretty severe ADHD. That's like scary. The parking thing is really scary. People die. Because that car went into that canal. I forget if that was on the show or that was a news thing, but. There was like a factory recall issue with a certain car brand. And I don't want to say in case I'm wrong and defamation. but there was a glitch where people would put their car in park and it wouldn't actually engage and they would get out and it would literally run them over.

57:05People died. It's like the gas pedal sticking back in the day. Oh my God. Crazy. So people do ask why medication isn't an option, not second guessing him, just curious. I also got diagnosed late in life and meds have been good for me. OP responds, uh, I didn't want to get into this because of how much he's being piled on already and fair enough he was being an ass about this but he's got some serious problems with addiction non-stimulant meds don't do anything for him and he can't be on the stimulants without abusing them meds made a huge difference when he was able to be on them so he kept trying to find a way to regulate it but it went off the rails every time that makes sense yeah it's tough it cost op 300 just to replace the teapot we aren't the kind of people who buy stuff like this yeah Yeah.

57:54OP does share what the pattern is. It is the Royal Albert Laurentian snowdrop pattern. It is absolutely beautiful. And to just get a teacup and saucer is$30, which is like, I mean, if you think about costs, like we buy all of our drinking glasses from like TJ Maxx HomeGoods, like you can get a box of like eight drinking glasses, 30 bucks. same price indestructible but this is what it looks like it's like got a beautiful green tinned gold foil around all the edges yeah you know see i it's beautiful i think you find one-off pieces like that that are the same set that match replace some of the cups up there wherever these are stored.

58:49And then at least, I mean, you're still breaking technically the same thing, but it's not the one that's from grandma. I know. Well, there is a set available right now on Etsy for$429. And I know OP said, we're not the type of people to buy this stuff,$300 for the teapot. but considering you've got the cups 30 60 90 120 150 a 300 tea thing 450 a big serving platter this person's pretty fairly priced slight discount do you think that's bad though is it bad to replace things and not say and then when all of the stuff seems to be broken you're like hey just kidding. It's not grandma's anymore. Grandma's set is tucked away safe.

59:36Then someone's like, then you got a whole other problem on your hands. I know. This is kind of a lose-lose. It is interesting. Because you can't be deceptive and lie. That'll never get you anywhere good. It might save grandma's set, but if it tanks your trust in the relationship, then I'd rather lose grandma's set than lose the trust. There is a comment here from someone else. Frankly, I don't get the recommendations to pack it away and hide it. Stick it in a box never to be used, then what? Pass the box along to another relative in the future kind of defeats the purpose of keeping the connection.

1:00:13What about a small display cabinet for part of it? Nice lit, clearly artistic, maybe with a picture or other mementos of her, and makes your spouse is clear, this is not for use. It is on display to be preserved. Art not for use at all. then box the rest for use on special occasions. If at that point he's yanking a cup out of the display case for use, of course it's intentional. But this really may be the value of this stuff for him is to actually use it. I can see him perhaps feeling more of a connection to using her china rather than simply having it collecting dust in a closed cabinet somewhere.

1:00:49So maybe a display bridges that gap with the rest in an actual sealed box. I think just display it all. Don't touch. and then maybe buy him a saucer. Say, hey, this is your saucer that I bought. It's not grandma's. You can use it. Or you buy the saucer. You don't tell him and say, this is the one cup you get. And after you break this cup, there is no more use of the Lorenthean snowdrop pale green saucer. No more once you break this one. No more. OP does respond. I like this. Thank you. I also hate the idea of it being boxed away. We both feel connected to her when we use it, and I don't want that to be gone.

1:01:32I just want the use to be intentional and careful. And if he's using it every day, he's just dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, not capable of maintaining that level of care. Stuff he uses every day gets broken very quickly. So I think that's a great, great solution. I'm curious how they're displaying them now if they're not in a display cabinet. I think they're just up with the rest. It makes sense why he's just accessing them and can't keep his Grammy paws off them. They're right in front of him. Yeah. There are some beautiful secondhand vintage restored Hutches. Like if you search Hutch on Facebook Marketplace right now.

1:02:12They're coming back. Oh, I love a Hutch. They're coming back. They're beautiful. They're so functional. And I found a big one. Like it was, I think seven or eight feet. It was like 200 bucks because it's so big and they don't want to deal with it. And I'm like, it's like storage that you can put out in plain sight. It's just beautiful. If you are a collector of something and you want a way to display it, also add some more cabinetry. I love a hutch, but they are big pieces and not everyone has room for them. I get that as well. I'm going to need an update from OP on this one. like really, really, really bad.

1:02:51So I'm sending a message and hope it works out. How many messages do you actually get back? You know, not many. Like what's your batting average? Not many at all. I did get an update back from the person who had their roommate masturbating with the door open. They messaged me back actually. I don't know if I was. You weren't on that episode. It was with Michaela, but essentially this person's roommate was like masturbating with the door open being very loud it was egregious for them unfortunately it probably was and it's very inappropriate and sexual harassment yeah and so i was like hey just wanted to make sure you're okay and the writer did respond hi thank you for checking yes i'm okay and it all worked out with them i was going to update soon but i have a lot going on it turns out they really didn't know they were being so loud and i'm inclined to believe them.

1:03:45They were really apologetic and embarrassed. They've never made me uncomfortable in any other way before and usually are very respectful. So I truly don't think they were doing it maliciously now that I've talked to them. So seemingly worked out okay in that situation. So fingers crossed everyone that this OP gets back to me. Yes. But moving along to the next one. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists. One minute, everyone's buckled in. The next, someone's dropped a snack, lost a shoe, or needs a bathroom break immediately.

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1:05:45Okay, this is coming from our very own 2HotTakes subreddit. It's two months old, titled, My Husband Wants a Porn Star. Ten years ago, I decided to turn my life around. As a teenager, I got into drugs and got into porn, and I did it for two years. Well, at 20 years old, I was invited to church with my brother and decided to turn my life around. I met my husband in church, and we have a great life. We've had two babies together, and we are almost five years into our marriage. Me, 28 female, and my husband, 36 male, have a great relationship. But tonight, he sat me down, and he told me that he wanted to have a serious conversation with me.

1:06:27He knew about my past, and tonight he showed me a video of me from when I was 18 years old. He said that he wished that I acted like that in bed now. The only problem is, back then, I was acting all of it. None of that was real. I was over-exaggerating expressions just to get paid. I have no desire to act like that. It was literally only for the money. So now I don't know what to do. He wants me to act like the girl I was back then before we ever even met. I love him and I want us to have a healthy sexual relationship, but how do I get past this? Edit, he knew about my past because I told him before we got married.

1:07:15He knew the name I went by, so it wasn't like he just stumbled upon it while watching something else. Smart. Yeah, honesty is always the best policy. Yes. Well, I would put it how you did in the post. That's exactly what I would say. And there's not much more that needs to be said. It's you're not interested in that. It was all an act. I don't want to act and feel like I have to put on a show every time we are together intimate yeah like what it's not it's so different now that was for that purpose this is so this is for so many other things this is for our love and everything it feels so different it's kind of like in a world how it's, and this is such a bad comparison, but how it feels just sleeping with someone on a one night stand versus when you're sleeping with someone that you've been with and you have such a connection with.

1:08:18I wouldn't want to put, put on all that show either. I would want to do what, what we want. And so now we're in a really, really weird territory where he's pulling up other videos and like you know he's watching these and and making assumptions and just it just gets into a weird territory where it's like you're watching me when I was that I'm trying to distance myself from all of that you know was that happened but now I'm here and I'm with you and this is what we have and it's just weird for him to pull that and then show it and be like I want you to do this with me. I just don't like it. I just don't understand.

1:09:06Like, do you want real or do you want fake? Do you want mutually beneficial where I feel satisfied and I'm being heard and my needs are being met? Or is it self-serving for you and you want a performance? And by the sounds of this, you know, this was a tough time for OP. We don't know if him bringing these videos up was kind of traumatic for her there's so much context there that we can't even begin to understand so there's also a side of this where it could be hurtful where it's like that's not me I went through a lot and that was a tough time and now here I am and so I do think you need to have a heart to heart with him be honest that was a performance that was not real don't you want real on another side of this.

1:09:58If OP is comfortable with this past and there's no, you know, reinduced trauma by bringing this up, there could be something where it's like, hey, you know, if you want to spice things up, yeah, every now and again, we could go a little crazier, but that's exhausting to do that every time. And that's also not you and who you are and you shouldn't have to perform in bed constantly. but I'm genuinely curious if he thinks that that was real. Like, do you find, have you ever talked about porn with your friends or watching porn? Like, is that something guys ever, I mean, maybe not you, but I'm curious if there's any guys out there listening who have ever talked about porn with their friends or the fact that like - Oh, I'm sure.

1:10:47Porn isn't real. But like, is it a common misconception? Yes, 100%. Where people look at porn and they're like, that's real. Yeah, because we've seen that through so many different things, even stories on this show. And I'm like, how? I mean, we all know that in, I guess it's just been shown to us through so many different things that guys do have very unrealistic expectations because of that. And they'll use that as the, this is the expectation. oh when it's not that I'm not satisfied because that's it just sets the bar in such a weird place where it's like I don't even know how to explain it but I have not had at least any that I remember I mean it would probably be way back in high school or something if you were ever talking about porn yeah I've like never sat down with the guys and watched porn like that'd be weird.

1:11:44Some people do do that though. No, I don't doubt it. I do think that porn has created crazy, unrealistic expectations through everyone. And well, not everyone, but I mean like all types of people. The people that engage with it. Yeah. And it just kind of bleeds into all other areas of society and expectations, standards. And it's again, yeah, unrealistic. Comments-wise here, the top comment with 3.5k, I'd tell him exactly what you said here, that it was acting and not reflective of what you enjoy. If he understands that, maybe you too can explore what feels fun and natural for both of you now instead of trying to recreate a scripted version of the past.

1:12:32Someone responds, this is the best answer on here. Next one, that dude was looking for her porn. Oh my God. Next one, it's his literal wife, bro. And I guess there is a side of like, I'm curious about it. Like if someone I had started dating or seeing initially was like, oh, I used to be blah, blah, blah, sex worker. I used to do this. I used to do that. I would look it up. It doesn't matter what it was or what they did. I'm nosy and curious. I feel like that's normal to look it up. Yeah. But it's different than when you take it and say, hey, see this? Remember this? I want that. Yeah. There's another comment here.

1:13:08Show them this post in about 24 hours and all the comments that come with it. It's going to be a slew of random stuff. Some might stick in the cracks of your relationship. Some won't. Personally, I'd sit them down and say, I can play act occasionally. I get it. That's fun. But you know, I wasn't actually having fun then. I was creating content and faking it to get money. You can see that, right? So happy to spice things up and do some random things, but not happy to move everything over to a male-dominated fantasy land because frankly, that wasn't much fun for me. And then tell him what is fun for you.

1:13:41If porn is okay in your marriage, show him porn you like. If it's not, gently remind him that and say, I'm okay with play acting, but can you please remember we talked about no porn. So get your ideas off your own steam, yeah? Not from Pornhub. And tell him what is not fun either. I love that. I think that's kind of what I was trying to get at if I didn't. So that sounds amazing. Yeah. We don't have an update from OP yet, but OP, if you're out there listening, we would love one. So please update us. Let us know how the conversation went, how things have evolved. Have they gotten better? Is you kind of seen the unrealistic side of the porn you did and all porn?

1:14:24But please update us. Okay, friends, going to take a little pause here and come back and finish this episode tomorrow. This was a feat for me energy wise and I'm still not feeling great I literally went to dry bar today because I couldn't wash my own hair and I was like just need someone to help me so that is one of my favorite little hacks if you're ever feeling blue down in the dumps unmotivated sick whatever having someone wash your hair for you is so nice so Justin and I will run it back tomorrow to finish this up, so enjoy this ad. This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. Breathe in.

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1:16:26Download Cash App and spend with peace of mind today. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Visit cashapp.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Right back like we never left. Yeah, did you enjoy the ad? Thank you for listening. Okay, so we're going on to this next story. It's coming from True Off My Chest. It's titled, I'm convinced my wife can't taste cheese and she refuses to accept it. So I, 26 male, have come to realize after being married to my wife, 23 female, for a few years, that she cannot taste cheese and she refuses to accept it.

1:17:10I noticed it offhand at first. I would make a dish. I'm the primary cook in our household. That was primarily cheese. And she would say that it had no flavor. So I would season it up more and she would be okay, but then I started noticing if anything relied on the taste of cheese, she would say it had no taste. Mind you, she claims to love anything cheese, but I'm starting to think she likes the other flavors with it. Last year, I tried to make authentic Alfredo, like you always see people make on the internet. No cream, just butter, garlic, real fresh grated parmesan, etc. After making it, I thought it tasted really good, but she said it just tasted like butter noodles.

1:17:55I then gave her a bite of just the parmesan cheese, and she said that it didn't have much flavor. From then on, I have accepted that she cannot taste cheese. She loves Caesar salads, always wants parm on it, but I'm starting to think she just likes the texture because she doesn't seem to be able to taste it on the salad. If we buy blocks of cheese from like the cheese section at our local market, she says she can taste those, but they have to be strong and again, seasoned with other flavors. If I just give her cheddar cheese, she claims it has little to no flavor. I've brought this up on multiple occasions and it has become a running joke between us, but she still doesn't think that it's her taste.

1:18:39I have even asked two of my siblings if they could taste cheese in a dish I made, and they said they could. Yet, my wife told us she could not. It really isn't that big of a deal. It's just funny that she still claims to love cheese, and she always wants cheese on everything, but I don't think she can taste it. I'm always heavy on seasonings and such anyways, so it doesn't bother me, but when it's cheese and crackers, and she can't taste it, not much I can do, lol. Also should mention, I think it could have been COVID that did this to her because stuff she used to like, she doesn't think has flavor now.

1:19:14Just wanted to say this somewhere, LOL. Yeah, that would suck. That would suck. I mean, I feel like cheese was robbed from me in a way. Yeah, you're a dairy-free boy now. Dairy-free these days, you know, but you can definitely taste cheese. Parmesan, you know, there's levels. I was thinking about that. If you get a real Parmesan where it's actually stamped on the outside, you can definitely taste it. Or if you get an aged sharp cheddar, you can taste it. So it's like, if she's not tasting those, then yeah, she probably doesn't. But if you could taste them before, let's say it was COVID. If you could taste them before and now you can't, you would still have this love for what it is.

1:19:58And yes, it may be the texture and certain foods, you just can't eat with cheese. so now sadly I just can't have those foods but I think you would still love cheese you know it's like a mental thing still if you lost the ability to experience something but you used to love it you would still love that thing even though you can't still necessarily experience it now so obviously like they said there's no issue but it is peculiar to lose I'm curious what she also lost taste for that doesn't like I think it's just so weird where it's like Like, why do you care? And he's just venting. He's just venting.

1:20:37I mean, he's on true off my chest, but it's still like, it almost feels like he's monitoring how much cheese and like he's doing cheese calculations and like, oh, is she going to taste that cheese? I was going to say like, I don't feel like Parmesan has that much flavor. Depends. Like a sharp, sharp cheddar. Yeah. A Colby Jack with some peppery shit. Yeah. But it's not super aggressive of like a flavor. Yes. But I also don't like blue cheese because blue cheese is flavorful. I haven't even had it because I'm scared of it. Or cottage cheese I haven't had either because I'm scared of that too. Texture for cottage cheese I cannot do.

1:21:15Yeah. Cannot do. No. Next time we go to the grocery store, we're going to get one of the Parmigans that's stamped on the back. They're very special, but it's like where they actually look like the design. That will have real flavor. I do want to do a cheese tasting because I know some of you out there were going to send me cheese to the P.O. box. And I told my dad to go check it. So I hope there's cheese in there. Like non-refrigerated cheese? Cheese blocks. Yeah, they just seal them up. Oh. Yeah. Oh, so it's when they get cut, then it becomes an issue. I think it's bad. Yeah, because me and Angela had a cheese story.

1:21:49The guy, he bought like$18 ,000 worth of cheese. And then it actually like ended up getting incinerated. I did get an update. I posted the update on our Instagram for the cheese guy. He said it all got incinerated. Huh. Is cheese ever really bad, though? Because cheese is technically mold, but it's not the bad mold. It's not mold that'd make you sick. We need a cheese engineer to come out, because can you start new cheese from the mold of an old cheese? You know, but you need dairy in there somewhere. Sadly. I guess I really don't know how you make cheese. We should look into that. Top comment on this one.

1:22:25First of all, I thought to myself, how odd. Then I kept reading, and you mentioned that she thinks it doesn't have a lot of flavor usually. I think cheese doesn't have a ton of flavor unless it's sharp. Right. Now I'm worried I don't taste cheese.

1:22:40Everyone's just making up this taste for cheese. Literally. Someone goes, I taste test for work. She possibly has built up a bit of a tolerance if she is a cheese fan. Also, cheese taste isn't really an official term or measurable on a surface level with no controls. Maybe she's looking for an umami flavor that salt is offering, but cheese is not. I wouldn't disregard that she's a cheese fan over this. Basically being like, no, she's probably still a cheese fan. Mami flavor? Umami? Oh. Umami, U-M-A-M-I, umami flavor? I bet you said umami flavor. Umami identified as the fifth basic taste alongside sweet, sour, bitter, and salty.

1:23:27is a savory, meaty flavor caused by glutamate, idocinate, and guanylate. Umami. Okay, cool. Never gonna need to know that. Things with umami flavor, tomatoes, matcha tea, mushrooms, dry ham, aged cheese, soy sauce, tuna. I can do without. Yeah, you don't really eat any of those things. Soy sauce is salty, yo. It's umami. It's savory. All I taste is salt. Oh, see, I taste a savor. That's why I like it. Soy sauce on a crunchy rice, spicy tuna thing. You should call it salt sauce. A little edamame dipped in there. Is there a liquid? Never mind. I'm going off the rails. Is there a liquid what? A liquidified salt.

1:24:11Like, so instead of sprinkling the salt, you can put a, like you can mix it in. But like a sauce, like it's salt sauce, but it's just salt. Salt sauce. I think it's all combined with something Yeah it's gotta be There is like a Salt Lake original barbecue sauce Salt based sauce by Dashy Probably doesn't work well because of chemistry But salt dissolves in water But then you just have salt water And you won't want to put that on food No no sir Okay moving on to this next one I just had to give us a little cheese A little dash of cheese We were getting a little a little, you know, it was kind of a lot on the first side of this episode.

1:24:56All cheese is good. Except for cheese heads. Oh, the Packers, man. Yeah. Football season is almost here. Okay, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It's a month old. My male, 33, wife, female, 28, cannot accept that I dated a, on what she calls a low class woman, female 30. We've been married for two months and suddenly my ex was the topic for a month now. Half your marriage. I have no idea why this came up in the first place, probably popped up on Instagram. My wife has been really pissed off. She said she's disgusted by me dating a low class woman. For background, my ex came from a poor family, grew up without a father, single mom raising her, she is now earning quite well.

1:25:52She had some habits that I didn't like, and that's why I broke up with her. My wife is from an upper middle class family. She's been top student from kindergarten to university. She earns higher than my ex. She is a woman who always improves herself, has a strong family culture. I came from a middle class family, earning well too. I am a stubborn guy though. I grew up with my grandparents as my parents were working abroad, studied in private schools from start to finish. They never met. I barely told my wife anything about my ex. She has been on and off about this topic, threatening divorce or seeing other men that is of higher quality than me just because she thinks that my ex is low class.

1:26:39She said she's been disgusted by me that I even considered to date that woman. She doesn't want me to touch her or even be near her. I'm going crazy. I can't do anything because it's in the past. She's saying I don't understand her. What is it exactly that I don't understand? I'm confused. I also don't want the divorce. I have also asked if she's jealous, and she got even more angry and said that it's confirmed that I don't even understand her. What am I actually missing? Does it really matter to some people about the class status their partner has dated? I have a psychiatrist appointment because I don't know if I have a mental health problem now.

1:27:20Any advice? I'll tell you what I'm missing is why you don't want the divorce. What do you mean I don't want the divorce? Bye. Are you too bad? This didn't show itself before you got married, but it doesn't matter either way. Now we know who we're married to now. I, I do not understand people that just can't see people for who they are. And it's like, it's just, it's so frustrating. Yes, you dated this person in the past, but even regardless, even if you hadn't dated them to look at someone this way, and now because you dated this person, now you're in the category two. Now you're this whatever she wants to call you, however she's judging you, looking at you.

1:28:14It's like this is just beyond. It's almost being treated as this small little thing. This is huge. This has so much context. This has so many implications. Yeah. Imagine raising a kid with this person. Hell no. Your kid's going to be not who you want them to be. No. And you've been married for two months, a month in, aka half your marriage. She starts talking about your ex. I'm so disgusted by you because you dated a low class person. Ma 'am, if you're calling someone low class, you're low class. Like, That just, oh, when you look at other humans as less than you or you degrade them, I find that so disgusting.

1:29:00We're all humans. We're all just trying to get through this life one way or another. Can't change the cards you're dealt. As best we can. No one asks to be born into a place they're born into or their status that they're born into. You don't pick your cards. You pop out and you deal with what you're handed. So fuck you. Fuck your elitist attitude. dude. I just like want to put some bees in her bonnet because she's clearly pissy for no good reason. And to then start threatening divorce and to say, you know what? You're not man enough for me. I'm going to go look for higher class men elsewhere. Go ahead.

1:29:37So you're going to cheat on me. Go ahead. I would not even care about getting cheated on by this person. I'd be happy about it. I don't understand More than bees too We need hornets Wasps Or something that Stings and can keep stinging Not the one time sting You know We need A lot of people pick up On the cultural thing Someone says It sounds like you're from Some Asian South Asian background And if so I'd say I can understand Where she's coming from completely I'd also leave a man If he had no standards She probably feels like She ended up marrying someone Who would just go for anyone as long as they had a pulse.

1:30:16The concept of upper and lower class is very different outside of Asia, where they see it more like elitism. Meanwhile, in Asia, a lot of your morality, behaviors, consideration, and manners come from your class and upbringing. In other places, everyone is under the same as an upper-class Asian, so they aren't able to imagine how jarring the lower-class Asians are. She most definitely feels like she's wasting herself on someone who has no standards. Okay, is this the Hunger Games? OP responds, This is correct. Everything you've said is correct. She said that all her efforts and her parents' efforts were a waste.

1:30:51I didn't grow up with a class system. That's why I can't comprehend why it mattered. It doesn't. It doesn't matter. She already brought up class status when we were dating. It never sounded this crazy. Someone goes, Your wife sucks and you know it. You'll ignore this. This specific problem might get better or it might not, But the relationship will continue to be superficial for her, and at some point, it'll break down over something just as stupid. Just one piece of advice while you wait for this realization to sink in. All caps. Do not have children with this woman. OP responds, we haven't done it in a while.

1:31:28Having a child with her would be impossible. That's not the point, idiot. Someone asks, are you rich? Did you marry her for money? I'm not. She knows that too. How did she pick you then if she has all these standards? That's what I don't get. I don't know. She obviously chose you then, not because of status, not because of class. She chose you for you, apparently, based on that. So then why can't she see that people from different classes can still fall in love? Look at Bridgerton. it's like that's a good recent example of it i get it's a show i mean there's like real life examples though and i do kind of understand in a sense where culturally we're not going to relate but there is a princess in japan that gave up her title to marry a commoner like air quotes commoner right and so i just kept seeing like stories about her come up because they had a child and paparazzi's harassing and following her in New York or somewhere.

1:32:36And it's like, she gave up her title for love to live a common life. Why are we still stalking this person with paparazzi cameras? People are annoying. Like, what are we doing? But there is that mentality there of like, I mean, look at the story we just had on Patreon with the girl who went to Japan with her boyfriend's family. And she experienced some racism there because they were a mixed couple. And so it's like, it's just experiences that I don't think we're fully able to grasp being white Americans. There's so much culture and stigma and caste system still. And I just, it's tough to put yourself in those shoes when obviously we're so not going to get it.

1:33:22That's fine, but then we are still reading this post that is posted for a reason. Yeah. Because you're unhappy now in this marriage because of how your wife is treating you and looking at you and talking about your past. I know. People do ask, where are you from? They are from Southeast Asia. Someone says, is it too late to get an annulment? OP says, might not be. No, I bet. Well, I don't think so. I know in Minnesota, is it 90 days? I don't remember. I'm not sure. Is it a federal standard or is it a state? I have no idea. Because then we're talking a different country too, maybe. All I know is that Britney Spears got one.

1:34:07Southeast Asia. How long were you dating before marriage? OP says a few months. Oh. It started really well. Like we understood each other and it was a match. Someone says she sounds abusive and now that you're locked in, she's starting to show her true colors. Yeah, I felt that. Yeah, he hasn't really spoken about his ex to her. She wouldn't consider therapy. She told me to go to therapy myself. So I don't know if there's any hope with this one. Something's going on. Something's going on. If everything's great, we know each other for a couple months, we get married. an hour. Like it just, I don't know anyone out there who would say that isn't quick.

1:34:53Months. Yeah. Know each other for a few months or dated for a few months. I guess the context, we don't know the background, if they're friends forever or whatever. Yeah, that's true. Very true. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. She wasn't horrible when we met. She was nice and caring. I don't want to say which country we're from, but it's the only one not conquered by the West in SEA. They are different nationalities though. No historical hangups. Yeah, they're in Asia. We're all Asians. My wife, me, and my ex. Only difference is that we're from different countries. So just goofy. Absolutely goofy. You know, we may not be qualified to comment on it, but if that were written from someone here, This was our friend telling us.

1:35:38Run the fuck away. This is the reaction we'd have. And still run the fuck away. I, you know, I hope we get to a point soon with humanity where we start looking at other people with different races and religions than us as humans. I think what's happening in Gaza still is like, I'm like, when is it going to end? Everyone here, like we're scratching our heads and like we feel so paralyzed by the inability to help. And it's like, when is anyone going to step in? What's happening? There's a lot of things that feel like that. It's just, and it's, there are a lot. And it's just like, oh, like when will the world wake up?

1:36:15And so, oh God, you just like, you hope he, you know, gets out of this and then finds his person, someone who isn't going to think less of him and thinks he is just a good person that they want to love and be with, not this need to find a high value man. Yeah. Because it's crazy. That's a lot to go forever with. I mean. The top comment, she is a woman who always improves herself. They quote what OP said. And then they say, then why is she a piece of shit? Next comment down, the irony of calling another person low class when she has no class herself. Next comment down, I'm guessing there's more.

1:36:54Perhaps a minority race or something. Someone replies, I'm getting India's caste system vibes. I don't know. So in response, that's what I thought. And also the way OP writes sounds like the way Indians write source, I'm Indian. Someone says you're the asshole for staying. You don't need a psychiatrist. You need a divorce attorney. Someone else says you chose wrong. Well, and they said that in the post, like, I'm not going to, I don't want to do the divorce because they knew that that's what everyone would say. Yeah. You don't put that in there just thinking, oh, well, let's see what people say.

1:37:30You know what's coming. I mean, there's no way up from here. And some comments did point to the fact that she's probably using this divorce threat as a form of manipulation, as a form of abuse to control OP. And that's why the mask has started to slip now that they're married. She doesn't actually want a divorce. She just wants a man she can control. That's what a lot of the commenters are pointing to. Yeah. Luckily, we do get a brief update. I have agreed to her divorce offer. She's hoping to sell the rings to pay whatever. She's also told me it's because of me that she's like this and she was never like this.

1:38:10Sure. It was my fault that I didn't trust her. It was my fault that we went to the same places I went with my ex. I have no idea where to bring her. It was my fault that I didn't tell her everything about my past exes. Wouldn't it be weirder to tell her where and what we did? It was my fault. I didn't listen to her. Suddenly everything wasn't about my ex. Yeah. Happened real quick, huh? Real quick. Three-year-old account, verified email, seemingly pretty real. So. I mean, do you think she, everything else aside, do you think she got of the marriage and just kind of freaked out and was like, I did this after a few months and I'm crashing out.

1:38:58So I got to get out. I don't know. It's just, I don't know. It's wild. Wild indeed. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Season is changing. Time to clean out that closet and maybe make some extra money in the process. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell your clothes you no longer wear and get more value out of your wardrobe. It's super simple to use and with no selling fees, so you keep what you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees. This episode is brought to you by Billie. I don't know about you guys, but I get a little lazy in the winter.

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1:40:16One last quick one for us. Okay. I've been holding on to this one for a while and it has to do with domestic tasks and errands and household management kind of things. So I'm curious what you think of it. Very good. Definitely not necessarily in the relationship problems category. Okay. But I want to read it and this feels like it kind of fits. Okay. This is coming from r slash confessions. I make appointments for things I actually don't need. Car shopping, apartment tours, insurance agents, etc. because I'm lonely. It's taking a lot for me to write this. I'm 33 male and I have no friends. I have a job that I love and get along well with everyone.

1:40:58Despite me doing well with my work, I'm nervous and self-conscious around people. I've tried joining groups for social activities and find myself not doing well in crowds. From time to time, I make appointments to go to stores for things or services that I don't actually need, going to car dealerships to look at what's there and chat with the salesperson, going to insurance agents, home, life, auto, for consultations, making consultations at dentist offices, going into banks inquiring about opening accounts. I do this all to make small talk with the employees. In a way, I'm also doing this to try and improve on my own social skills.

1:41:38I actually do enjoy a lot of the interactions, and they help me get more comfortable. It's also my way of getting out of the house and keeping busy. I'm going to admit, I know I'm wasting the employee's time though. I know they could have dealt with people that truly needed their service, potentially affecting their business in a way. It's not healthy for me to keep this up. I really wanted to get this off my chest and read all thoughts and opinions here on this. Thank you. Well, in one way, in those jobs, this is also good practice for them. When you're in a sales position like that, the more people and the more times you have to have those conversations and talk to people, it actually helps you.

1:42:20So yes and no, however you want to look at it. The thing that I find interesting is those are the conversations I don't like to have. I was going to say he is so much better than me because those are all conversations like I struggle with and put off. Yes. It's like calling someone. I'm scared to call people. Like I don't enjoy being on the phone. Especially when you're cold calling for a service or asking if they have a product or something like that, those are the conversations that I find hard, harder than, you know, random happenstance. Yeah. So I feel like OP is very well equipped, especially with someone they can connect with.

1:43:06Yeah. Such as a friend or I know we have the effort to try and go do social activities and that kind of thing. I just wonder how much of that is tied to any specific hobbies or if you think you have any hobbies right now even. so it might just be a path of discovery and discovering I need to see what I like to do and then because everyone's got to like to do something there's something out there as niche as it could be that you're just not thinking of or you just haven't hit on yet and then that can lead you to people that I feel are way easier to converse with than the people you currently are I'm blown away by the effort.

1:43:53And I think OP, you know, saying like I've tried joining groups for social activities and finding myself not doing well in crowds. Start small. Like go to a coffee shop that's got a morning meetup or a tiny book club or like whatever, but like something you're hopefully interested in. But my dad used to go sit at the coffee shop across from his house every morning and hang out with his guys. And there was a group of like sometimes two, sometimes three, four or five guys. And he just met them there. And he just met them there by being social. And, you know, I wanted to highlight this one because it is so hard making friends.

1:44:28It's easy to feel alone right now and feel like you're crashing out. No one's understanding you and you're so disconnected. Like we've, again, we've lost the village in a sense lately. yeah and so I just applaud his effort and I really just think that he's gonna find his people like look at how much he's putting himself out there it's just gonna take one of those agents that's like hey buddy you want to go for a bike ride or like grab a beer like I'm not sure what he's into but like hopefully he will find his people yeah well especially considering the car or the insurance talks. They're going to ask you what you do.

1:45:08Well, what kind of car are you looking because what do you want to use it for? What do you go do? Those could easily lead to car club friend, like just something. Yeah. I like to take my car here because I like to hike. Oh, well, and maybe not so much. I wouldn't necessarily count on salespeople to randomly happen to become friends because they're in such a sales mindset. But the practice is great. And I think the same effort, even though someone isn't scheduled to meet you, does kind of apply to the coffee shop. When you're sitting there and you can challenge yourself just to talk to one person or compliment one person, you never know.

1:45:50I think connections are so often missed by people all over the scale, people that are hyper, ultra, extra social to every scale of this. Connections are being missed because we're all so afraid to talk to each other. I know. And then when someone actually does say something to you, it's wow. And then you start a conversation, whether or not you have trouble with social things, it feels so natural and it just feels so good to get back to that in a way. Because yeah, you're right. It has very much changed since COVID, since TikTok, all of it. I know. We're constantly head down in our phones, constantly.

1:46:38It's just like, we need to just be more aware of other people and personable and friendly again and say hi to your neighbors and talk to people on the subway. Yeah. You know, the top comment on this, dude, those employees are probably just happy to have someone who's actually pleasant to talk to instead of the usual angry customers that they deal with every day. True. Next comment, you could probably make a living doing these things for other people. Please go deal with the car salesman and insurance agents to find me the best deal and I can stay home playing video games. I'd be so down to pay for someone to like look into services and things that I need.

1:47:18Find me a closet organizer. Yeah. A lot of people just recommend pets. OP does get a comment here that says it's fascinating how you use sales environments as social training. The fact that you feel bad about employees time speaks volumes about your kind heart. Do you feel that those interactions have actually boosted your confidence when you try to talk to people outside of a sales setting? An OP says, yes, I feel they've helped me with my interactions. I still face difficulty with group and crowd settings. Someone else does make a recommendation and they say it's truly great that you're putting yourself out there, but may suggest you pick up a hobby that will get you more natural human interactions.

1:47:58You can take painting classes, hockey, run in groups, become more of a political or non-profit organization, maybe even volunteer. Volunteering is probably the best idea. It's free, super gratifying, and you get to talk to people from all walks of life. I love that idea. And OP says, I've never thought about these. I just have to still work on getting more comfortable in groups. And honestly, like there's so many non-profit things that are looking for volunteers, whether it's like animal shelters, which sounds amazing. yay, playing with dogs and cats and stuff all day. But I just got a text message from the American Cancer Society charity shop.

1:48:34They're looking for volunteers right now. Yeah. And it's not necessarily groups then. No, it's almost those same. Like if you went and volunteered at something like an animal shelter or a charity shop, a thrift shop, it's almost those exact same customer service interactions, except you're on the other side of it. And that would just be one day a week. so I think OP is gonna it's gonna find their people soon there is another comment here that says look into Toastmasters despite these individuals being shy and socially awkward the skills they learned in the club made them much more confident and outgoing it honestly was a life-changing for them and that's based on the person knowing people in it and if you look at toastmasters.org it is a international club it says express yourself practice the skills you need to communicate with confidence and excellence it all starts with a fun club environment where you will learn and practice together to grow individually sounds like a good time yeah sounds like a good time to me i could oh they have public speaking classes maybe i should sign up for that but i'm not seeing an update from op quite yet they're pretty active in a bunch of other subreddits r slash celiac r slash confessions but we do not have an update on this yet it only has 200 upvotes right now so i feel like there will be a little under the radar but i'd love an update like a year from now where it's like I made a friend like it would be so good quicker it would be so good that's one thing I love love love about the live shows is how many of you come and end up meeting friends in line whether it's for the meet and greet and then we like literally take pictures together yeah I um I'm trying to figure out live shows and you know what that looks like for us as we are so busy, but yet want to come out and see you guys again.

1:50:33So hopefully early next year, we can put something together. There is potential for a show in Orange County in November. So working on that, but maybe a Christmas show on the East Coast. Let me know where you would like us to tour as I send that to my touring gal and she starts putting things together. Like, let me know in the comments what cities you want us to hit this time. Because we missed a few. You know, we didn't make it to all in the last go around. I know someone did ask me to go to Australia for some festival. And I was like, it's just a feat right now. It's Antarctica. I would love to see a penguin.

1:51:15We could do a show for the penguins. That'd be sick. And we'd just be freezing. Yeah. That would be really cool though. I love penguins. The wind. Am I the asshole? Yeah, literally. I also have been seeing your comments too because when I asked you guys where you listen, so, so, so many of you were like, I listen at work as I test water soil samples and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, cool. Someone told me they work at a zoo or somewhere cleaning or testing water for the dolphins. And they were like, so the dolphins hear you? And I'm like, dolphins hear me talk? They know it too. Dolphins are smart.

1:51:54Do you think they like my voice or don't like my voice? I think - Like how do the dolphins think I talk? Well, I'm thinking if they're exposed to that much of you - You think they like me? They're probably starting to learn English. But if you went in there - Well, they'll definitely pronounce words wrong. If you went in there - Yeah. And just started talking out loud, I'd bet they'd come up and check it out. like this is the girl we listen to dude i really want to start another little thing and maybe some of you out there could help me do this but once a month i want to travel somewhere and like shadow a too hot takes listener on the job that's what i just want to go to work with you just bring your friend morgan to work day that's what i'd like it's like dirty jobs but morgan's edition and doesn't have to be dirty yeah cool i can sit in a lab i'll test soil samples and see what chemicals are in them.

1:52:44I would like that. Let me centrifuge some shit. I'm ready. I'm ready. So if you've got a cool job, put that in the comments. I kind of want to start making a list of people and, you know, see if we could make something happen with this little show. Bomb proof suit tester. Okay. Nope. Not that. Nope. Change the light bulb on top of one of those TV towers. No, no. I just saw, I just watched that fall movie. No, thank you. Base jumper No, please keep me on the ground If it involves animals Even better Or science, some like cool science jobs I'd love to come be a librarian For a day I'm really down for For anything on the ground Okay, yeah I'm just trying to think of the possibilities There's so many I would go on a boat But not through the the strait that you have to take to Antarctica that's really violent.

1:53:44Drake's Passage. I don't want to go on a boat through that. No. The infamous story of that where the boat and all his men, they all... Am I thinking the right thing? I don't know, but it sounds scary, so... I thought it was Antarctica. I don't know. But I am feeling a lot better. Thank you all for your well wishes. I will say I'm even more mad at AI since the beginning of this episode a couple days ago. Because I literally got a message from Kiana at Smosh sending me an AI generated ad of this podcast. And it was like two hot takes, Kaylin's AI-ified body in the chair and some random ass girl.

1:54:24Yeah. You got replaced. I got fucked. I got outed. They didn't like my face for the ad. And it's so eerie and creepy. And all of two hot takes is like it's copyright protected. It's trademark protected. And it's literally my podcast and they're pushing just like a shitty product. And I'm just like, are you kidding me? So fuck AI. Love you guys. If you want more content, head over to Patreon. There's some amazing, amazing episodes from April. Such good stories. And May is going to be just as good. So see you over there. And thanks for being here. Until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye.

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