274: Can't Think Straight Ft. Hayley Kiyoko & Crew

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30:33This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my father will catch the next one when he invited me to his wedding. He's been married four times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. I don't know how he has such a high turnover rate, but I'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. He invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiance. I knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers, there are seven of us total, none have the same mom, said that they had just gone coffee with dad and met the fiance.

31:08Then they were invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of eight and ten months, respectively. Dad told me to bring my partner when I came for coffee and I brought my trans boyfriend along. We have been together for three years. The fiancé seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend, and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. Dad gets all the details of the engagement and wedding out of the way and then asks me, only me, if I'll be there I noticed that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend So I say, we will check if we're free Nice Dad replies that, quote, this is family only Oof I reply, I just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got a plus one Dad says, that's different Are you coming?

32:01I say we'll catch the next one dad's fiance becomes visibly upset and they leave dad texts me after that if I can be civil on the day then I can still come alone I felt like I had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender and he thanked me at the time but told me that I should probably still go but after reporting back to my siblings to say what happened, I got mixed responses. The overall opinion was that while I absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend, this was some hill to die on, and I managed to catch the actually nice fiance in the crossfire and upset dad too.

32:40Info, I am a woman. My boyfriend is trans, female to male. Despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. One of me and my siblings, three were in the wedlock and the other four, including me, were extramarital affairs. The fiance knows she's number five and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying gold diggers by accident and didn't know until it was too late. And the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down. So am I the asshole? No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, honey. You are not the asshole. I am so impressed.

33:22I'm very proud. Yeah. It's so, I don't know why it's so hard, but it's so hard to communicate with parents that don't also know how to communicate. Yeah. And like, we're just so wired to please them. good for her like and even in that conversation of being like we will like talk about boundaries like we come as a unit or I don't come it's not fair I think if all the siblings weren't allowed to bring their partners yeah okay but if all the siblings are allowed to bring their partners but she's not allowed to bring her partner then that's homophobic and I think she has every right to use this as a boundary of like, hey, you have to accept me for who I am.

34:16Otherwise, like, I'm not showing up for your fifth wedding. No, that's also like the best response. We'll catch the next one. Oh my gosh. Good for her. Just clocked him. I mean, that takes a lot of therapy and like, you know, unpacking. I know. To get there. I wish I was that quick too. Just like, We'll catch the next one. Oh, my God. That was so cool. I need to take. I've been saying. Full snaps. Yeah. So I'm like, I want to take improv classes to get a little quicker. Just in life. Just in life. I'm like, just having that like response like that because it is true. And there's such a bigger picture here about does your dad support you?

34:58Is he even worth having in your life? Because by him saying, oh, yeah, no, your boyfriend can't come, only family. He's essentially not respecting your relationship. not respecting you. What does life look like? What happens if you and your boyfriend get married? Is he going to come to the wedding? Like, what does that look like for your life? So if you're not, you know, setting those boundaries now and standing your ground now, I mean, what, at what point do you, like you give him an inch, he's going to take a mile and it's just not worth it. And your partner being like, you should go. I admire that.

35:35Like that I can put myself in like those hurt shoes and that's amazing they're saying that but like I think like you're making the right yeah and I I also think there's probably a lot of history prior to this response to her dad like you know there probably were times where like it was like you know what I will make you happy or I will do this I will sacrifice myself for acts but like there comes a point where this is your life and like the people in your life that love you should value your decisions in life the people that you love they should respect you and it shouldn't be conditional and so many people I think unfortunately it's extremely relatable to grow up in a household where love is conditional even when you don't even realize it those like hidden expectations And if you don't meet them, then it's like this is who you have to be.

36:29And it's like, well, you chose to have me. So why do I owe you anything? And I don't think that that's like rude. I think there's a loving way to be like, hey, you should be proud of who I am. I speak up for myself. I respect myself. I love myself. And these are the things I want in life. And it's so scary for people to navigate that. It's because they're just cowards. I mean, it's so nuts. And like to be this open and honest with yourself and be able to set boundaries. It takes so much to get there. Oh, my God. Like there's no mention of how old a writer is. But I'm like I'm 32 and like I can still have a hard time setting boundaries with my mom.

37:16And I'm like to do it in this scale. It was loving. It was respectful. It was I mean, I'm very impressed with her. I know. I know and the comments are too You go girl Comments are too Top comment has 21 ,000 upvotes Not the asshole You stood up for your boyfriend As unfortunate as it is that the fiance was caught in the crossfire She didn't oppose her soon to be husband's view Nope So Silence says a lot Uh huh She easily could have taken that moment to be like honey No no no Yeah and then that would have changed his mind It's like people go oh my voice doesn't matter Your voice like one voice does matter You could show someone, hey, actually, we don't condone this behavior.

38:00Yeah. And we need to like rethink this. It could really shift the tide. Next top comment. Not the asshole. I think it was best that you did this in the situation, especially with the way your dad is. It's a shame that his fiance may got her feelings hurt, but she'll have bigger problems to worry about in a few months when she's sorting through a divorce. I'm sorry that your dad can't be more accepting. Yeah. And unfortunately, that's the reality, like whether you're queer or like whatever your background is, like it is, I think parental relationships are really challenging and really hard to navigate because you do want peace.

38:40But where does peace come if you don't have peace with yourself and this person doesn't respect you or show love? They say they love you, but they don't show love. And that's important. Yeah. Or there's like conditions to it. As you said, it's just like if there's all these conditions and strings attached, it's like that's not how it's supposed to be. No. Should just be unconditional. Yeah. Okay, I have one last one for you here. This one is coming from r slash actual lesbians. It's titled Pro Cons List. I've been with my girlfriend for three years next week, and it's come to the point where I'm having to make pro and con list about her.

39:18Oh. I love her, but some things are getting harder to ignore, and it's tearing me apart inside, trying to decide if I want to break up. I think the only thing keeping me around is my love for her, but can love always be enough? And then this person shares a picture of their pro and con list. The con list is very long. Have you guys not seen the Friends episode with Ross and Rachel? Oh, my God. You don't make a pro and con list. No. Or if you do, you burn it. Along came Pauly. I just rewatched that the other day. I haven't seen that in so long. Is there a pro in con list? He does that like risk analysis software.

39:56Oh, okay. And compares Pauly, who's kind of this risky out there woman, to his wife that cheated on him on their honeymoon. And Pauly finds it. Oh, no. It was bad. It's not good. The pro list, okay? Okay. I love her. Funny. Helps when asked. Baseball. Are kids. Financially stable. pays attention to little things I say. Con. Not Facebook friends. Won't let... I don't even know why Facebook friends would like... I don't even be on Facebook. I don't even know. I don't think that counts. Won't let me tag her in pictures. Oh. No hand-holding. No compliments. What? No cuddling. No. Can be rude. This sounds like a co-worker.

40:46Um, stone top, vanilla sex, haven't met the fam. Okay, this is not good. They should probably break up. Doesn't share feelings. Helps when asked, but acts like it's inconvenient. Expects me to keep house and my car clean, but hers is a mess. Said she doesn't find me attractive anymore. Expects me to tell her my every move, but can't do the same in return. Acts like she doesn't care about things in my life. have said I need affection, but I still don't get it. Pros, cons. I think that it's not working out for them. No. I think if the pros list was longer, I think if they were, yeah, no, like you guys, it's literally like, I think if I think of the pro list was way longer and there was only like a handful of cons, I would suggest couples therapy and be like, you know what?

41:43Give this person a chance you love them let them know like these are the things that are bothering then they might have some things that are also bothering them yeah and like try to work through it but it is so con forward that my suggestion would be that maybe that person is not the person for them and that's okay like i think you can love somebody and be like no thank you no hand holding no compliments no cuddling this is this is yeah what do you have Yeah. Like eye contact. Eye contact. That's it. That's all I'm getting. Eye contact. And maybe they share a meal every now and again. Yeah. It's I think you deserve more.

42:23And it sounds like the other person is equally as unhappy if they're telling you that they're not attracted to you. Oh. That like I'm sorry. But that's like again if that was the only con that could be worked on through couples therapy and conversation. Yeah. You know, sometimes things aren't perfect, but that is feeling, yeah. It's pretty bad. I think it seems like to me that this person doesn't want to be with our writer anymore, but is just— And showing it through action. Yeah. But they're not getting the hint. That. It's like, please break up with me. Yes. Let me be horrible. I don't want to break up.

43:01They're being non-confrontational. Yeah. That's what I'm getting. Because otherwise, it's like, if this is your whole relationship, I mean, there's not much there. Like I can't imagine like not having good sex, not having that intimacy, but even just like the simple things like having your partner come home and like, I don't know, you made them a meal or you got your hair done. It's like, oh, he looks so good today. No compliments is really strict. I need a compliment. I need compliments. I need to feel the love. You look great, by the way. Thank you. Yeah. You do too. Did you do something different with your hair?

43:34No. Looks so good. No. the top comment on this one i'm not going to lie to you with the first three cons i fully thought you were joking but continuing to read on there is some pretty big double standards on your con list obviously don't know them but it seems like you give and they just take yeah someone responds to be honest no handholding is a deal breaker well yeah i mean i'm not going to judge people who don't like handholding, but if you're not going to do handholding, they should get a lot of extra stuff. Yeah. I remember dating this person in college and I like went to hold their hand at a bar and I literally got like swatted away.

44:15Oof. And I was like, who is around that you're trying to like not let them see? Like what is going on? Yeah. And I'm just like, I'm just getting bad vibes from this one. You should feel proud to have the person, you know, by your hand or, you know, in your hands. Yeah. And like growing up, unfortunately, I was with a lot of people where I had to like handhold under the table or like the quick pinky touch. You know, you'll see a lot of those in Girls Like Girls. But but now I can openly just like hold hands. Yeah. And that like finding that love, that genuine reciprocated love. We need to raise the bar, you guys.

44:59Like this is crazy. People who are dating men need to literally come together and raise the bar. It was rough. When I hear about my heterosexual friends experiences, I'm like, so you just want someone nice. And that's that's the standard. I literally this is crazy. Like being with a woman like it's like it's like on another planet. So we need to raise the bar. I know. We got to raise the bar. I went through it and I talked about it in my vows where I was like, he is the first person to make me feel beautiful. And it's like, that is great. Oh, but it was just like it took so long to find him. You have to want that for yourself.

45:42And I think that's where it comes down to like what you believe you deserve. And like everyone listening to this, you guys deserve more than kindness. you deserve consideration respect, love laughter, all the things it doesn't mean that there aren't going to be some like bumps in the road that you guys are going to have to work through but like let's raise the bar and when you find someone that loves you and you feel it, there's nothing else like it I remember initially dating him and I was like is this what it feels when someone actually likes you? Wow, this is great this is cool yeah I know and like when I met Becca there was no even though she hadn't dated women before there was no confusion like it just was like we want to be together how do we make this work I was leaving for tour we did like long distance for a while and you just you make it work but you you have two people who are equally putting in effort and energy it's nice when you find that you go oh it clicks oh it clicks yeah now is your time to shine you guys I mean don't settle find your person settle be yourself all good things yes Haley you did amazing thank you so much for coming on oh my gosh I had a blast where can people find you how can they watch your movie please go see girls like girls it's been a 10-year journey of me getting this movie made it is my life's work it's a movie I'm so proud of and I hope people feel seen and loved and supported go opening weekend with your community it should be in almost every major city nationwide and the two young leads Maya DeCosta and Myra Malloy are incredible they're so good go get your popcorn make your watch party plans we don't get movies like this for sapphics and coming of age very often in theaters.

47:46So your support would mean the absolute world. Absolutely. You guys, I'll make sure I link the movie's page in the description. Go and watch. Okay. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists. One minute, everyone's buckled in. The next, someone's dropped a snack, lost a shoe, or needs a bathroom break immediately. That's why the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica is built for real life. With thoughtful features like stow-and-go seating, hands-free sliding doors, and passenger seating up to eight, it helps keep everything moving.

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48:58And I've never, never been complimented more. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a summer trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works? Revolve always has it. Go to revolve.com slash THT to shop our faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com slash THT. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. Thanks, you guys. Thank you, Morgan. So fun. you ready yeah and scene okay how are you hanging over there oh i'm good it's been a minute it hasn't been that long i've been locking you up behind the patreon it's true it's true but i like it it's fun we've got jenna coming in for a couple stories up first since you're a big sports fanatic yeah yeah you like sports baseball baseball dodgers If we've got any Dodgers fan in the house, let us know.

50:07Yeah. Okay. This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's titled, Am I the Asshole for pointing out that the football club my uncle supports is LGBT friendly? Okay. My 16 uncle became upset when my cousin, 18, came out as gay. He vented to me and my mom saying that my cousin must be confused and should try dating a girl first. My mom didn't say anything. At first, I didn't either. But then he saw it in my expression that I wanted to say something. So he asked me what it is. I just told him it's kind of ironic that he supports Bayern Munich, but doesn't like LGBT people. He got even more upset when I said that.

50:51My mom later told me I should not have said it since I knew his club's stance is a sore spot for him. Am I the asshole? Well, no. So I just think it's weird that he's associated with something that he doesn't support. It's so dumb. Yeah. This was like a big thing when heated rivalry started blowing up and the NHL was like really starting to try to capitalize on it. And it's like, no, no, no, NHL, let's back it up. What did we get rid of? Pride night? Because some of your players didn't want to put rainbow colored tape on their sticks. They got rid of it? I heard about the stick like you weren't allowed to put and then I know a player put tape on their stick yeah a lot of teams got rid of it because players were yeah it's like you can't then like say oh we're not going to do this and support this group and then because that group is popping off then be like oh wait wait no we're going to capitalize on this right I mean I think in all sports there's going to be people who don't support like I'm going to Dodgers Pride night And I'm like, are the Dodgers excited for the gays to be there?

51:58Probably not. What? It's L.A. Well, I mean, he retired now, but like last Pride night you had Clayton Kershaw. I don't know if you know who that is. He's a pitcher. But like he's writing Bible verses on his hat during Pride night in like non-supportive us. A very pointed thing to do. So it's like you're always going to have players that don't support it. I mean, there's so many in especially men's sports. It's just like everyone's a little, I don't know. It's so weird. Yeah. Just let people do their thing. I love that. I think it's Charles Barkley came out recently and was doing an interview and he's like, you don't think there's more gay players on these teams?

52:38Statistically, there has to be. You would think. And then, I don't know. People are doing gay stuff and men are doing gay stuff in sports all the time. We talked about the baseball celebration video. We'll insert a clip for you guys here. I think, like, bottom line, he's gonna have to do some big mental shifts because his child is gay. Yeah. And so you pointing it out that it's ironic. No, not the asshole. Like, he needs to sort through whatever small-minded bullshit is in his head. And if you pointing that out is one way to kind of get him on board and start doing it, then whatever. Top comment on this one.

53:18Not the asshole. Has your uncle tried dating a man first? Oh, shit. Got him Next comment Exactly How do you know you're heterosexual If you haven't tried a same-sex relationship? That's a good argument I really do like it How do you know for sure? Well, it's hard because you're told Like from the beginning You're told that you're straight And you just have to figure out that you're not straight This is a rabbit hole I want to go down On like society And how we got to this strict Like It's a rabbit hole I'm going to go down If you know or have good resources to point me in my rabbit hole direction, please let me know.

53:57Mikayla's sitting off camera and I know she knows. She has a resource. This is just a Mikayla tidbit that she would absolutely know. History is crazy. Humans have been around for so long. So long. Yeah. And yet we're just a blip. And it's like, why are we making our blip so brutal? It's just weird how we went from that timeline to this timeline. I wish the dinosaurs were still around. Honestly. I wish the dinosaurs were still here. Sure. Can the dinosaurs come back? I don't know if that's going to help support LGBTQ rights. I don't know. It depends on if they take over, you know, go Jurassic Park on the White House.

54:41I'd love to ride one. Dude. Saber-toothed tigers. So cute. A woolly mammoth. Adorable. Yeah. I'd like to fly on one of those You know what I'm talking about God what is that flying one What's the flying dinosaur called? It starts with a T I think Petrosaur? No I had it Pterodactyl It did start with a T It's not on here but it came to my brain Yeah I'd like to ride one Okay cool Okay this next story this is going to be a bit of a moral dilemma one i'm very curious what you all have to say in the comments okay this is coming from am i the asshole titled am i the asshole for telling my niece to stay in the closet until she gets her inheritance my 42 male niece 17 female recently confided in me that she's a lesbian i supported her let her know i would be there etc usual ally stuff However, she told me she was going to come out to the whole world this week.

55:52I let her know she should absolutely wait for her grandparents, my parents, to pass. My father is incredibly wealthy and has tens of millions of dollars in assets that he will be passing down once he is gone. My father is a raging homophobe who has flat out stated any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will. And to make sure the rest of us don't just split more money with said gay relative, they will instead have that portion of the inheritance, put aside for that family member, donated to a charitable cause. That money will be erased from the inheritance. Since both my father and mother are in incredibly poor health, stage 4 cancer and debilitating dementia, I told my niece that she should stay in the closet for a while longer.

56:39If she comes out as lesbian and they find out, she will quite literally lose out on$7 million. She was a little sad, but was also appreciative since that is obviously a life-changing amount of money that will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies. My wife, however, said that I'm being an asshole. I'm telling this poor girl to hide who she is just to appease old bigots. That is true. I am asking her to appease old bigots, but I feel like her life quality will be much better with$7 million at the cost of one to two years in the closet tops. I've also seen my father's will and I know who is getting what, so my niece is definitely going to receive$7 million as long as my father doesn't rewrite or edit his will.

57:27Am I the asshole for telling my niece to stay in the closet so she can be a millionaire? I mean, I would stay in the closet to be a millionaire. $7 million is fucking crazy. If they weren't in, like, such poor health, I mean, I'm like, I'm trying to think of how long I'd be willing to stay in the closet for it. Yeah. If they're in that poor of health, eh, just stay in a little bit longer. Well, I think, too, there's something to be said, like, kind of thinking about Haley and Becca and their relationship where they were private, not secret. What I was about to say, like, how are they going to find out also?

58:03Yeah. Like, what are you doing? You're announcing it to the world, whatever that means. Yeah. You're just posting it on social media. I guess it depends if it's going to get back to them via like family members. Like, are a family members going to go and report back so she doesn't get the money? Yeah. I guess like who else would be on her side or who is a potential threat? Right. And then in that case, it's like if they're going to go relay that message to them, to an unsafe person. Yeah. Maybe it's not safe for her to come out right now in the first place. That's a good point. I also just I wonder you know what would life look like differently like is she not going to be able to go to the movies with her girlfriend like what would it really look like because I do think there's a world where it's just like just live your life yeah I feel like they're your grandpa's not going to be out at the club no they're in the sounds like they're in the hospital dying I don't know.

58:56Sure. I don't know. I'd say just start coming out to people that you know is safe. Yeah. And, you know, maybe don't announce it on social media right now. That's what it kind of sounds like she's telling her to do is just like maybe keep it between the people you know and trust. Yeah. And I don't think you need to do a whole announcement, especially if seven million is on the line. Seven million. and then let's just say it's a year. That seems long. It seems like it's not even going to take a year. I tried to put myself in the shoes and like, okay, shut off a part of yourself and turn down love.

59:38I would probably be celibate for 10 years for$7 million. Yeah, also it's tough out there. You don't need to. It's okay. It's tough out there? Yeah. Dating's hard. Just like take the money. the top comment on this one oh god i'm torn this is honestly an excellent case study for an ethics class my gut instinct is to say that you should never encourage someone to stay in the closet longer than they want to but yeesh that's a life-changing amount of money no assholes here besides your parents for being raging homophobes i agree i think at the end of the day our writer here is just trying to protect his niece.

1:00:18Like I know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but this really does feel like it's coming from a good place of just like, hey, maybe reconsider. You have seven million on the line and maybe she didn't even know that. Like she's 17. She probably didn't. She probably hadn't. I would have no idea. How would you know? You've never seen his will. Right. And then so in your head where you're like, OK, I'm going to come out, it's going to be this great thing, which it is. And that's so exciting for you. But now you have this other piece of info that it's like okay well you know you could potentially lose out on seven million because this guy's a crazy homophobic spiteful asshole right and it's like okay yeah i'd go to charity but like yeah but i don't think they're picking the charity it's gonna go to a homophobic charity that's also true that's very true like oh you're a lesbian given that seven million to a church.

1:01:11A mega church that has those people that go in the rafters and sing. Yeah. Have you seen those mega church vids? I'm scared. I don't, I don't, I don't look at churches. You know, some of those mega churches. I'm scared of them. They're crazy. There's another comment here. Not the asshole. Seven million changes anyone's life and it's not like she'll have to hide it forever. Info, are you and your wife the only ones who know? OP responds, yes, my wife, myself, and my niece. My father trusts me immensely and is willing to discuss these matters with me. My mother knows as well, but her dementia is so bad that it doesn't matter.

1:01:51Then like, I don't know, in my mind, like you have come out. You've already started telling people you are in the process of coming out. I feel like you just, yeah, you just keep telling the people that are closest to you. Like when you say you're telling the world, is that just a social media announcement to me? I would say social media. I don't think a 17-year-old would rent one of those planes with a billboard behind it or a banner. I'm gay. Yeah. I don't think that's happening. So in my mind, I feel like they're not even, it's really not even telling you not to come out. It's just don't tell your grandparents.

1:02:24I am so curious what everyone thinks. Yeah. Regardless, I would still, if I couldn't tell anybody, I'd still do it for$7 million. I mean,$7 million is like, I can't even fathom that. Like, it's just so much. And there is another comment here where someone says, not the asshole. You're just advising her, not forcing her. It's true. She still gets to choose. It's true. So that's a really good point. I think OP is great. Big fan. Ally. Ally. There are quite a few comments from OP. I basically told her, I know it sucks, but I'm sure you would regret at not getting that inheritance. You should take the money.

1:03:03Maybe I should have just laid out the facts for her and said, I'll support your decision regardless, but I thought you should know the situation. She wants to travel the world so badly. I told her that when we can get the inheritance, I'll quit my job and travel the world with her as well, my wife included. We're all so close, so it'd be a whole lot of fun. I'm reminding her how much more easily this globe-trotting goal will be with the inheritance. And think of all the ladies she can get with$7 million. No, she doesn't want She wants to find love And someone with good intentions Oh, okay, she doesn't want to be sugar mama Maybe You know, she could She could She would have that option at least That's what I'm saying Yeah OP says, I guess I don't see what's wrong With deceiving homophobes in a situation like this He's going to be dead And he's making a very poor decision I don't see how it will hurt him I'd take his money take his money do you look a gift horse in the mouth huh yeah i don't know okay um opi says for those saying you're the asshole because deceiving my dad is wrong if you were in my niece's position can you honestly say that you would give up seven million dollars because deceiving a homophobic grandpa is wrong can you genuinely say that you wouldn't keep your beliefs hidden for a year for the sake of a comfortable life, I highly doubt any of you could practice what you preach in the same situation, especially if you have debt and other life difficulties.

1:04:34Just kind of live your life. Do you. Private, not secret. Exactly. And, you know, grandpa's going to be gone soon by the sounds of it. Grandpa's never going to know. I think she'll be just fine. No. But again, put your thoughts in the comments, y 'all. as the top comment said crazy moral dilemma I'm not torn but Jenna you basically are just like singing that song from Jerry Maguire show me the money that's you right now okay thank you for your poppin yeah anytime one two three voila oh my god my hair grew look who it is yay

1:05:27let's go i'm ready okay i've got one for you coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit i love it when that happens if you can't recognize who's hopping in it's mikayla oh so true yeah hello hello gay people This one is titled, Best Friend of 15 Years Tells Me She Can't Attend My Wedding. I need to vent for a second. I'm getting married next April to the love of my life, and I couldn't be more excited. I asked my three best friends to be my bridesmaids. Longest friend, college roommate, post-college roommate. My longest friend, since we were around 11 years old, lives in another state, so I mailed her invitation to her as a surprise.

1:06:14She sent me this text last night, letting me know that she doesn't support the fact that I'm marrying a woman and will not be in attendance in my wedding. I'm incredibly hurt by this on multiple levels. This love the sinner, hate the sin mindset is extremely hurtful and does not constitute unconditional love. These are the same beliefs my dad and stepmom have had since I came out and it's already been painful enough to deal with their judgment. I didn't realize one of my closest, most trusted people secretly felt that same way even after having met my partner and knowing I was gay for over three years and after I confided in her about my parents' reaction to me being gay.

1:06:53I feel lied to and honestly have felt sick to my stomach since reading this. I've already responded to let her know how hurtful this is and that I appreciate her being honest and telling me now, but that our friendship will not be able to continue if this is what she believes, and I wished her the best. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm glad she told me so that I don't have to keep people like this in my life, but I feel incredibly blindsided and betrayed. Thanks all for letting me vent. And then OP does include pictures of the screenshots. Whoa, wait, I want to hear. So this text message says, hi, Blank.

1:07:30I've had a really hard time trying to decide if I can be a part of your wedding day. I don't want to hurt you. I should have been honest with you from the get-go and expressed my thoughts to you when you first came out to me about being gay. I've never once judged you for it or loved you less. I just do not want to support you marrying another woman. I should have told you that a long time ago, but I didn't because I was worried it would affect our relationship. I've been walking the fence with God for a long time, but this past year my relationship with him has grown more and more. Because of that, I can't with good conscience support a same-sex marriage when it goes completely against my beliefs.

1:08:06I've prayed a lot about it and tried justifying it, but I can't attend your wedding. What the hell? Me going would show other Christians that I support it, and I can't be a stumbling block for others, my children, or even myself. I love you and I care for you and your salvation. I pray that this won't ruin our friendship. I understand if you're upset with me in any way. I'm absolutely heartbroken that I can't be there for your special day like you were for mine. Please know this was an extremely hard decision for me. I just want you to know I love you no matter what. I would have much rather have done this in person, but I just got the package Thursday and I owed you an answer.

1:08:41If you want to get together and talk more about it, we can. I will come to you. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I mean, having a homophobic friend is not the craziest thing to happen in the world, but I feel what's so different about this story is that it took so long to even realize that she felt that way. Like, I can't imagine, you know, having been out to someone for three years, like you've talked about your relationship with them. Finally, one day you invite them to your wedding and all of a sudden you discover that they don't support you and aren't okay with it and think it's a sin. Like that just feels so blindsiding.

1:09:21I'm just like, why? Like, why? And And I just like, I'm so glad you found this out now before you were wedding planning down the road. And, you know, this is so shitty losing a friend that you've been friends with for 15 years since you were 11. Like that is a huge part of your life. but on the bright side you are being your most true authentic happy self you are about to marry your person the love of your life and anyone that's not going to support you and your love good riddance get out of here yeah it's just so crazy i mean it's i guess a good thing that this friend hasn't been actively trying to get her to not be gay all this time or like been trying to convert her or been like putting her down about it forever.

1:10:13I'm kind of confused about why the wedding is where she draws the line. Like, why is that all of a sudden not okay and everything else was never a problem? But I wonder if that like one of the last statements in one of the last texts you read as part of it of like other Christians seeing it and like publicly being a part of a gay event as opposed to just like, you know, kind of more quietly having a friend who is gay. That quiet support versus no, I'm in wedding photos. I'm standing up at the altar supporting them. Yeah. Like the messaging and the message she would be sending would be very loud.

1:10:51Which is different than like a personal, I'm not okay with this thing. That's more of like that you're worried about your public image amongst the Christian community, I guess. The thing is, like, religion should not be weaponized. It can't be such a beautiful thing and just let people live their life. Like, there's no—I mean, I'm not going to go down the theology side of it. There's people out there, though, that explain the translation and how different translations have made people interpret things in a certain way but at the bottom line at the end of the day this was your friend yeah like I'm never going to be able to mental gymnastic myself and even have any empathy for this friend that's doing this because I don't understand how you just can't love people and let them love who they want to love and be supportive yeah actually back to the the gayness in Greece and Rome thing you were talking about earlier.

1:11:49You were talking about like people having different translations and stuff. It's funny because the line about you should never lie with a man as a woman does. Like some people think that that just means if you're on bottom. Instead of like being a man and a man, it means like being the one. What? Yeah, because that is like kind of what they believed at the time. That's so powerful it made me sneeze. Like, it's okay to have sex with a man as long as you're the one penetrating is kind of how they felt. Like, it doesn't affect your masculinity unless you're the one who's... Would you look at that?

1:12:23Like the woman. You learn something new every day. That's one interpretation by some archaeologists. It's so funny. That's so crazy. I know. Oh, my God. But it's hard to know. So women didn't go on top in ancient Greece? I'm sure they did. I mean, come on. There's quite a few comments on this one. top comment she already ended the friendship congrats on your wedding may you live long and prosper next comment that's not a friend don't give her another thought don't reply put your energy towards your wedding with people who don't judge how others love one another and be grateful that she won't be in the photos best to find out now than photoshop later yeah that is true and it sounds like she gave her a decent heads up about it but i don't know i'm like does she have a new a pastor?

1:13:11Is there a new group at church that she's become friends with that's like a little bit more like conservative about homosexuality? Because it sounds like she was saying, I've been walking the line with my faith until the last year and now. I don't know. I don't know. It's very confusing. And a lot of people do point out what blows my mind is the, but I still love you. Like rejecting a huge part of their identity is no biggie. Love is accepting someone for who they are, not just the parts your imaginary friends, gatekeepers, told you you're allowed to accept. Yeah, I hope you find salvation. I pray for your salvation.

1:13:49If someone said that to me, I'd be pissed as fuck. Bitch, I'm saved. I'm great. Someone points this out. It's fucked up that many Christians have decided that homosexuality is the main thing they have a problem with. They legit have a list of the top 10 sins, and homosexuality is definitely not on there. We went into this yesterday. Do you remember? I was like, I know you bitches are experiencing coveting. I know you bitches are lustful. I know you're greedy. I don't even know the Ten Commandments. Is that what, is coveting on there? Yes, yes. That's what that is? Yes, being gluttonous is one of them.

1:14:23Sloth. Sloth is one of them. Sloth? I know you bitches are slothing. And you're worried about gay? What is slothing? Like being lazy. What? This feels fake. Do you want to read the 10? Well, I'm trying to find them, but like there's a lot of... Just 10 deadly sins. Fake versions. Thou shall not covet. 10. Yep. There you go. That's what I'm saying. And I know we're coveting. You're on TikTok shop. You are coveting. Thou shalt not bear false witness. Thou shall not commit adultery. There's a lot of other ones way before. Yeah, that's a very good point that that person makes. Although all the sins are equal, apparently Are they, though?

1:15:08Yeah, which always, like, flew my mind as a child Versus killing Yes, murder and lying Are, like, it's all equal I don't believe that That's what I was told And I always thought to myself I don't co-sign that Okay, OP, congratulations on your wedding One of our very listeners I would love to see pictures Oh, yeah, I forgot about that That's so exciting Oh, wait, congratulations Congratulations. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You're going to have the most amazing, magical day. And the people that are meant to be there are going to show up for you and make it so special. And that is what it's about.

1:15:47This is a great time to weed out people that aren't real ones. They're not ride or dies. I really did hold my wedding as a standard of like, are you going to show up for me in the way I show up for you? And if not, bye. She probably would have brought weird energy. There would have been like a weird... This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. Breathe in, now breathe out. You feel that? That's the calm of having Intuit Credit Karma in your corner. If you're trying to get your life together in this crazy world, Credit Karma is a great place to start with the money stuff. Your credit score isn't just a number.

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1:17:30Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Visit cashapp.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Aura around her. This is weird. I would love to see pictures of your wedding. Yes. So please send them to me. This next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? Titled, Am I the Asshole for getting my child's teacher fired after she called my marriage fake? I, 30 female, have been married to my wife, 31 female, for seven years, and five years ago we had a daughter, who I'll call Gracie, through IVF. We are both religious and part of an LGBT-affirming sect.

1:18:09We think it's important to our daughter to have a religious education. Our local place of worship doesn't have a kindergarten, so Gracie is at a school by a different church that is more conservative. but we were told our marriage would not be an issue and that other same-sex couples had kids enrolled. My daughter's teacher, who we'll call Mrs. B, seemed nice enough. We chatted when I volunteered and Gracie enjoyed her class. Early last week, the kids were told to do a family tree. My wife and I helped Gracie, and she turned it in with me labeled as mama and my wife as mom. After the family tree presentations, I got a call from Mrs.

1:18:50B saying my daughter acted out in class and needed a parent-teacher meeting to discuss her behavior. When I get my daughter that day at pickup, she's sobbing. Gracie tells me when she presented, Mrs. B asked if the two moms were a mistake. But when my daughter said she has two moms, Mrs. B told my daughter that it isn't a real marriage and that it's never too late for me to enter a proper marriage with one man and one woman. Gracie starts crying, saying we are a real family. Mrs. B snapped at my daughter and told her to sit down and shut up. She gave her a zero and did not discipline some kids who were then mocking her.

1:19:35I immediately called my wife, who left work early. When we got home, my wife and I explained how not everyone is accepting, but that we are a real family. Our God loves us very much, and how brave she was for standing up for herself. The next day, my wife called off work, and we took Gracie to my grandmother's. We went to the principal's office, and we were seen ASAP. The principal was deeply apologetic that one, Gracie had been told that by Mrs. B, and two, she didn't intervene when she was bullied. He affirmed the school's commitment to a safe environment for all families, regardless of opinions on same-sex marriage.

1:20:15He said to bring Gracie in the next day because this would be taken care of. The next day, I took Gracie to class and Mrs. B was gone, replaced by a sub. The principal informed my wife and I that Mrs. B was fired. However, word got around the school quick. While some parents were supportive, others told us we should be ashamed of ourselves, and we ruined Mrs. B's life by demanding she be fired. We didn't ask her to be fired, just that it was dealt with, and that we could have talked to Mrs. B first or asked to go to the other kindergarten class. A few are even saying Mrs. B is right, and our family doesn't belong at this school, and we need to transfer so their children don't think this sinful union is okay.

1:21:04Obviously, I don't think my marriage is wrong, but should I have talked to Mrs. B first or just asked to transfer classes? Am I the asshole for getting my child's teacher fired after she called my marriage fake? No, OP, you did not do anything wrong. I think what sucks about this is that you did everything right, but then still now you're left in a situation where everyone at school is blaming you and talking about you and your child and saying how like this sucks for them because this gay couple has ruined our kids classroom. And it's like there was nothing you could do in that situation just because you're yourselves for things to go in a way that didn't harm you and your child.

1:21:51And that really sucks. Also, Mrs. B's life isn't ruined. She can get a job in Florida. Sorry to Florida. She can get a job in Florida. I'm sure they love that shit. I mean, she'll find another job. Teachers are very in demand right now. I know there's a shortage of teachers. I think regardless of what you believe in, to yell at a five-year-old in your kindergarten class and tell them to shut up, this child is five. They literally just learned how to talk. I know like I'm being hyperbolic here but you know what I mean like yeah this is a little baby is like coming to you and making this family tree and you're like actually Gracie you're fucking dumb shut up your parents marriage isn't real yeah get the fuck out like I know she didn't say that aggressively but that's what you're basically implying and how you're treating this five-year-old child.

1:22:46If you are in positions of teacher, counselor, a position of power in regards to children, regardless of what your beliefs are, you need to set them aside in order to treat them with respect. And like, if you can't do that, you shouldn't be in that position. Yeah. Have some self-control. And also like, to what end? To what end is saying this going to do some, like saying this to a five-year-old, what's that going to do? Like, what's the five-year-old gonna do about it like there's not even yeah like a scenario in which this leads to something that could make you happy if this is your belief like except feel crappy that's a really good point that other people don't believe in and I think what also is sad about this is that like it just shows that this is a conversation that like at some point gay couples have to have with their children of like by the way there are people out there who are gonna say bad things about your your mom and I or your dad like there are people who are going to judge you and like look down on you because of this and say you're going to hell and xyz all the and like that's a conversation that has to happen with every gay couple with kids and that's so sad I know that's so sad that that could be a reality for a lot of kids out there or like you can't have sleepovers if parents are into that because of people being weird or homophobic and it's like it's very frustrating like I again like I just don't understand why people and all over like this episode might not be able to be played in certain countries like that is the reality of certain places in the world and it's like it's so fucking gross yeah and things have been getting worse i know i know and that's like we need we need to have these stories get out there because like it could change people's minds and like it could cause a shift and people could see the error of their ways and like i hope there is more progress and there's there has been progress if you look back you know you look at the 80s and all the discrimination and like all these big things and it's like we have had some progress 2015 same-sex marriage became legal like there's been progress but it's like okay not really the last couple years though i would say no but backwards for sure the last few years everything has gone backwards the last few years like it's just not it's not good but definitely not the asshole you are entitled to your faith and your child should have a safe place to learn yeah this is not a safe place and honestly good on the principal for acting so swiftly and any of those other families if they're uncomfortable they can get the fuck out of there too and i can't imagine like being a teacher and having this five-year-old child in your class and not just being like, you know what?

1:25:48I want to protect them. I don't want to hurt this child. I don't want to make them sad or feel bad about their family. I just, I mean, it's one thing to harass people kind of separate on the internet, these people you don't know, or like harass the concept of gay people, like be this separate entity that's judging it from afar, But to like actually know this five-year-old child and to be so venomous that you want to make them feel bad, that's crazy to me. A five-year-old. Top comment, not the asshole. Your child was emotionally harmed and the teacher was clearly hostile and discriminatory towards your family.

1:26:30You didn't get her fired personally. You reported a serious issue to protect your child. And the school made the decision. Talking to Mrs. B first might not have changed anything and could have caused more stress for Gracie. Your priority was your child's safety and well-being, and you handled it responsibly. Yeah. And that's true. Like, going to the teacher first could cause retaliatory methods, like Gracie's separated in class or ignored in class. Like, it could make it worse versus, hey, this was inappropriate. We're going to who should know about this situation. Right. And again, if you're just the person who has communicated what somebody else did and that gets them fired or punished in whatever way, that does not make you responsible.

1:27:18It is still the responsibility of the person who did the thing that could get them fired, you know? And I feel like that's in a lot of situations, victims of things feel like it's their fault when someone who actually did the thing gets punished for it. Yeah. A lot of people are like, not the asshole. There's probably something else going on here where like this isn't her first warning for it to go to zero to 100. Like there's probably other situations that have happened with Mrs. B and this was just another strike. Either that or when the principal talked to her, she exploded and went back down.

1:27:52so regardless like she probably was given more chances or handled the situation very inappropriately and it was determined that she can no longer work here she's ineffective yeah well that makes sense because they told this couple it won't be a problem at our school so like this has to be conversations that were happening internally already crazy we don't have an update from op yet it's three months old at this time oh wow so maybe someday damn i hope that everyone at their school gets a little nicer i wonder if they stayed there or you know switched i don't it sucks i know and then it's also sad because then it's disillusioning gay people from religion and it's like wouldn't you want to like welcome everybody and accept them and make them feel comfortable.

1:28:45Numbers are going down. That's the kind of thing that's going to make people not want to be a part of the church. I know. You got to be inclusive. Numbers are going down. Need all the little boosts. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest. It's time to achieve your financial ambitions. Earn more on your savings with the SoFi Bank High Yield Savings Account. Ditch your higher interest credit card debt with a SoFi personal loan or start investing on an easy-to-use platform with SoFi Invest. Wherever you are on your financial journey, SoFi's got you covered.

1:29:20Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify.

1:29:26Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. You can get it. Inclusivity might be one way to do it. Just a thought. This next one is coming from r slash am I overreacting, titled, am I overreacting that my boyfriend doesn't want me to identify as bi anymore?

1:30:11forgive me, this is my first ever post and I'm not sure how good it will be. LOL. So my female 24 boyfriend, male 26, and I have been together for almost two years now and have been living together for about a year. Overall, our relationship is amazing. He takes such great care of me and all of our pets. Anyways, I don't know how this came up, but two nights ago, it came up that I identify as bisexual. I thought he had already known that because it's not something I really hide. Needless to say, it caught him by surprise because now he's saying that he can't trust me alone with any of my friends because, quote, I'm choosing to identify as that.

1:30:54And he believes it means basically that I'm always attracted to everyone around me, essentially. I don't know. We started arguing and it just went nowhere. He identifies as a straight male and he's never been too exposed to the LGBT plus community. So I understand why things like sexuality can be confusing for him, but I'm pretty much the exact opposite where I've had many out and open family members and friends who all identify in many different ways. So basically, yeah, he told me that he doesn't like that I identify as bisexual and that if I'm truly committed to our relationship, which is a straight relationship, that I should be identifying as straight.

1:31:37If I keep identifying as bi, that must mean I'm trying to attract ladies. I know I could have just said, yeah, okay, you're right, I'm straight now, but it just feels like I'm having to shamefully hide a part of me? I've just never been in a situation like this before, and I don't want to make him feel that kind of insecurity. I just kind of sort of feel lost right now, and I'm torn between a part of who I am and my relationship. Anyways, if you read all of this, thank you. And any advice is welcome. He sucks, first of all. Yeah. But that's also like the most classic biphobia in the books, just like assuming you want everybody.

1:32:18I also just feel like for all gay people, not just bi people, it's like as soon as my certain like female friends know that I'm also into women they like think I want them and it's like I don't think I don't I don't want you you know it's just like not like even if you look at okay sis straight like not every guy wants you why would you think yeah why would you think a bi woman is automatically going to be into you just because you're a woman yeah it's like a weirdly strong sense that people have of like oh now that I know that you're into girls it's like I better watch out I better watch that's so you're marked saying that's so weird it's not happening um but yeah i know i was just telling you i wish i can't believe you didn't know this i've i haven't had sex in five years with any with anybody so like this idea i feel like i should give you a trophy thank you thank you like that feels like such an accomplishment the first year that i did it i got myself a cake that said happy virgin anniversary what are you doing for this one have you hit five years i'm pat yeah i'm past five years so when is 6th.

1:33:22I don't know. It's like February. Sometime February. I missed it. Five is a big one. At a certain point you stop celebrating. Well, I think honestly seven years should be the big one because as you said, seven years. All of your cells have regenerated and then you can be a virgin again. But okay. Are you trying to get there now? Sorry. I'm like so fascinated by this. It'd be so funny, but I'm also not like if love finds me, it's a no because I got to regenerate my cells. I'm like, it's not but the point that I was trying to make is that like I am bisexual but I'm clearly not like oh my god I want everybody I'm so into everybody I need to have them all so this idea of like because you can be interested in any gender doesn't mean that you want everybody you can still be in a committed relationship and only want the person that you're with it works the same way as it does with everybody else I know it's such a weird mentality too because it's like okay you're worried about your partner being bi because they could be potentially attracted to women but what about other guys yeah well how many is it eight billion people in the world yeah so it's like before you were worried about 4.5 billion people like i mean once you're at 4.5 billion people can it really get any bigger than that am i right i can't comprehend i mean after after like eight million i'm like what it i don't know it's just like yeah like eight billion 4.5 billion the million versus billion when they do it in piles of rice really freaks me out it's insane like that's i'm just like i know i can't compute like and again like i really i'm like when you start seeing those piles of rice a million versus a billion you're like a billion shouldn't exist and a trillion certainly shouldn't exist people gotta start dying or like taxes i mean just taxes would be also okay than death okay protect queer art but yeah no this is a weird logic and for him being like well you should just identify as straight now because you're with me it's like he's not respecting you and yeah as op said like you shouldn't have to be torn between a part of who you are and your relationship your relationship should respect who you are yeah absolutely it's also like otherwise you're with the wrong person yeah sexuality doesn't equate to availability i don't it's just it's a totally different like we'll talk about the difference between sexuality and gender like there's also a difference between sexuality and in a relationship or single top comment i don't understand it's not like you're attracted to all men or women it's not like you have to screw everything you're attracted to I think it's kind of strange he can't comprehend that.

1:36:12Yeah, but it's common, so not that shocked. It's so weird. There's a comment that does respond to that. That's a harmful bi stereotype that people that are bi are all basically like super promiscuous, and that's not the case. I also think like some can be though, hey, if you're out there, woo! Yeah, maybe message Michaela because she might need a little inspo apparently. I do think there's something though to be said about that with him too there's an aspect of bi erasure here where it's like oh well you're with me you're you're not bi yeah and so I think that's important to keep in mind like no just because you're with a guy like you can still be bi so that's a big discourse on pride month by girls with girl with boyfriends we don't have to get into that.

1:37:00I mean, do you want to? I've seen a lot of posts about it. I have seen a lot of posts about it. Um, especially like, can I bring my boyfriend to pride if I'm bi? Does he need to be there? Is that his space? I mean, it's fine, but does he like, I don't know. It's a debate. It's like, does he need to be, I don't know. A lot of people said no. A lot of people said that's not his space and the boyfriend didn't really want to go in one of the stories. So it's like, well, then again. There are some things that like I just don't really have a strong opinion on, you know? But if, yeah, if I saw some like boyfriends at Pride just kind of trailing behind, bringing the vibe down, I don't know.

1:37:45Bringing the vibe down. All right, here's, here's this guy. Here's this fucking guy. Yeah. I mean, if he's bringing the vibe down, he definitely shouldn't be there. But if everyone's friends with him, he's like integrated into the group i don't know i mean is he an ally or not well what's his best so i mean if he's with you a bi person like are we talking about me no like the writer

1:38:10it's been a day sorry guys no but no but like if he's with this bi person he should at least be an ally. Be with an ally. Like, totally. Totally. Yeah, this guy is really like, he's got to compute some stuff. I know. Everyone's calling him names in the comments. Right. They call him an insecure weirdo. Well, I also feel bad because I feel like OP is sort of letting him dictate it a little bit more than she should be. She was like, oh, I could have just told him I'm straight. I'm like, no. Like, why are you even, why is that even a thing that you're putting in there? You shouldn't have to compromise on who you are to keep someone.

1:38:50Yeah. If you have to lie about who you are, hide parts of who you are to have someone like you or love you or want to be in a relationship with you, that is not the right person. He can't come to pride. No, he's absolutely not coming to pride. OP is very active on Reddit, in Yellowjackets Hive subreddits, in Am I Overreacting subreddits, Netflix subreddits. I mean, they're verified two-year club. So this is giving real posts. Did they respond to any comments? They did respond to some. Just, you know, thanking people for genuine and thoughtful responses. they do say a lot of people are skipping over the fact that we come from two totally different households and yes there's plenty of informational media out there but really it's not the same as having real life experiences and i believe it is just a shock to realize that for him he is very open to learning and understanding about the lgbt plus community and i think we'll revisit this topic after letting our brains marinate on it for a while lol thank you okay

1:40:03Okay. Okay. Okay. Marinate on that bisexuality. Marinate. Marinate. Thank you for not jumping to the straight he's a horrible monster conclusion like everyone else. I think you're right. It definitely is ignorance over malice and it's just another thing that we both have to be prepared for and ready to talk about. I would say sure. I mean, you've been together for two years and if he's just now learning your bi, like I can, I can understand why he's like, well, wait, like, Like, why didn't you tell me? That's, you know, part of you that I'd like to know and appreciate, whatever. But if he continues to be like, you're straight.

1:40:37You're with me. You're straight. You're not bad anymore. You're straight. Then you're going to have a problem. Yeah. That's not a problem of like, oh, he needs to marinate on it. That's just a problem. In like a sort of distant, far off way, I could understand this being a thing people experience. but if I try to like ever consider being in this situation at this point in my life and having a guy talk like that or respond that way I can't imagine it like that would be so crazy to me I'd be like no if someone said that to you would you stay with them no even if you were together for five years I well I wouldn't you wouldn't get there I would never be in that situation yeah you wouldn't get there find people who are gonna match you in compassion empathy effort love of respect, regardless of who it is, find someone who's meeting you on your level.

1:41:28Like we, no one deserves to settle. Like point blank, mic drop. Don't settle. Raise the bar, raise the bar, raise the bar. And bi girls are promiscuous. That is not a rumor. We're going to start on the show, Michaela. They're clearly not. She's celibate for five years. Because there's, you know... Yeah, yeah. It doesn't mean I'm not promiscuous. Next guest. Hey, guys. And yes, welcome to Two Hot Takes. I look a little different, but in case you guys don't know who I am, because for some reason, I haven't been around for a while. I've been working on the other set. But I'm Morgan's dad from Father Knows Something.

1:42:17So, Morgan, thanks for letting me on your show today. Yeah. Dad is not a part of the LGBTQ plus community. However, he is one of the best dads I know. The most open, supportive, kind dad out there. So you're here to respond to this next story, our last story from a dad's perspective. Okay. I can do this. So this is coming from r slash am I overreacting titled my son just told me he is gay. Am I overreacting? I 52 male am the father of a 17 year old son. We are really close. He's my whole world. We've always had a great relationship. He's a typical guy for his age. He plays football, has a good group of friends, and we talk about everything, or at least I thought we did.

1:43:13Last night, he came into my room and told me he was gay. He looked like he was going to throw up. He said, quote, please don't hate me for what I'm about to say. And then he told me, I just froze. I was just so shocked that I went totally silent for a few seconds. When he saw my reaction, he started crying. That snapped me out of it. And I immediately hugged him and told him I loved him over and over again, and he sobbed. He kept apologizing, and I kept shushing him and telling him that he didn't need to be sorry. We both cried. Since last night, I can't stop spiraling. I love my son with everything I have.

1:43:54This hasn't changed and never, never will, but I'm scared. In our country, this thing is complicated. People in the city are starting to accept it more, but we live in a small town in which things are still very controversial. When I was in high school, there was a kid who was rumored to be gay and he ended up getting beaten so badly he had to move away. That's all I can see when I think of my son now and it's destroying me. I don't know how to protect him. I feel helpless. He told me he's not going to act different or wear makeup or anything like that but honestly, that just made me feel worse.

1:44:32I don't want him to think he has to say that to make me feel more comfortable. I keep thinking about the stupid jokes I've made in the past, stuff I thought was harmless, and now I hate myself. I think I might have hurt him without knowing it. I don't know anything about gay people. I've never had anyone close to me come out before. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say. Should I talk to him about boys like I would have talked about girls? Should I ask him about crushes or would that make it weird? What happens when he starts dating? Do I treat it like I would if he brought home a girlfriend?

1:45:06I'm terrified I will say or do the wrong thing and push him away. I want to be a good dad. I want him to feel safe with me, but I'm overwhelmed and I can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I keep picturing people being cruel to him. I can't sleep. I feel like I'm failing him already by not knowing what to do to keep him safe. Am I overreacting? saying, I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to about this. I just want to do right by my son. You know, that is really the heart of all of our, of being a parent is simply protecting our kids. And when we see something that can cause them a problem later in life, we are scared shitless.

1:45:51and sometimes we, me, can get really, in someone's opinion, nasty when I'm only just trying to do things that protect my kids. And we only act out of love. And I think the fact that what you just articulated here was so perfect and simple that that's what you should share with him. Say, I'm happy whatever your preference is. It doesn't matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is that you're safe. And because I've seen such meanness with, as a parent's point of view, watching other people going through this, the meanness, what comes along with it, that's what makes me feared. Not the fact that you're gay.

1:46:34I'm totally comfortable. If you find someone that you can have a meeting of the minds with and love and will love you back with all their heart, what do I care? And that's really what it's about. I mean, you only want happiness for, well, and I'm speaking people that should be, you know, of normal, balanced love, you know, with their kids. I mean, there are people out there that are narcissistic and do have other issues, you know, have their own issues. But, you know, I speak generally. You only want love for your children. And I can definitely see that you have it for your son. And I'm sure he does feel it.

1:47:12And the fact that he was able to be open and talk to you shows you that he loves and he trusts you. But you have to be totally honest and tell him where your concern really is. It has nothing to do about his sexuality. It has to do with somebody else coming on board and hurting him because there's a lot of meanness in the world. Yeah. Yeah. As long as he's got you being supportive and caring and being his dad, that's all that matters. I think, you know, a lot of people don't even feel comfortable coming out to their parents or it's not safe for them to come out to their parents because they'll be cut off and kicked out of the house.

1:47:49And so many people go through stuff like that. And we've, you know, we've had stories and write-ins like that on Father Knows of like, I want to come out, but I don't think it's safe. What do I do? I mean, you know, in my family, we do have people that are part of the LGBTQ.

1:48:08LGBTQ plus community. And it was absolutely accepted with no issue. I mean, I'm sure my dad was in disbelief when my sister came out and only because his narrow mindedness with a lot of things in life. And I don't know what his deal was. I can't tell you. He died soon after. So I can't answer, but we've, as a family, we've all accepted the love of her life. And in your family, we've always accepted the love of his life. I mean, in every family that I know, it's amazing how today's world is so different here in the United States than it may be in your country. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's every day.

1:49:04I mean, nobody I don't I don't I certainly hope we don't have the hate that we did have when I was in high school because we certainly had it when I was in high school. You know, I think, unfortunately, a lot of LGBTQ plus people do face mean treatment, hatred, hate crimes. I mean, it is scary still, I think, today. But I think when it comes to living your life, like, make sure you're opening up to the right people. And if your family is unwilling to accept you for who you are, then chosen family and the village that you build is more important. Absolutely. So I will say we've got some comments on this one.

1:49:46The top comment. Hi, lesbian here. First off, I think you did an amazing job in your reaction to your son telling you he's gay. I've had to come out to my mom three times now, and her reactions ranged from it's just a phase to you need to talk to God about it. So you showing love and support was definitely the correct response. In reading your post, I do think you could benefit from doing some research on the LGBTQ plus community. I mostly want to point out that sexuality and gender expression are two very different things. This is in regards to the makeup thing. Most people are used to the stereotype that gay men are flamboyant and feminine and gay women are super butch and masculine, but that does not describe all gay men and women.

1:50:31Who we sleep with does not dictate how we look. If your son wants to wear makeup, cool, but it's not like a requirement to be a gay man. The last thing I want to say is in regards to when he starts dating. Please acknowledge it. Be excited for him. Ask questions. Speaking from firsthand experience here, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost nine months, and every time I bring her up to my mom, I get zero acknowledgement. And the conversation quickly changes to something else. After 30 years of hiding who I was, it sucks to feel like I still need to hide myself from my mom. Just keep doing what you're doing.

1:51:05You're on the right track so far. Be supportive, be curious, make jokes. I'm constantly making not straight jokes. Make a crooked line when cutting wrapping paper. I've never done a straight thing in my life. That squiggly line is as straight as I am, LOL. There are so many good dad jokes. But yeah, the most important thing is making sure your son feels accepted and loved. Best of luck to you. I agree. And I also think you did an amazing job, but I think the thing that you really have to do to finish the frosting on the cake is have the honesty talk of why you reacted. So he understands you didn't react because of his choice.

1:51:46You reacted because of just your fear of him being safe. Yeah. And there's so many amazing comments here too. Just like, again, people sharing their insights. Trans girl here, completely agree with everything said. Me coming out destroyed my parents' marriage. There were a lot of cracks, but ultimately it's what did it. My mom disowned me and then she divorced my dad when he refused to. My dad's a plumber. He's made off-color jokes my whole life. but when I shared myself with him, he was so amazingly supportive. He was clear. There was much he didn't understand. And he asked me to be patient with him, but to know, no matter what, he was always on my side.

1:52:23And he has been. Now he's the guy at the Elks Club trying to educate his boomer buddies about trans issues. He's wearing pride shirts on job sites and doing everything he can to make sure this really scary place is safer for me. A good dad can change the world. Oh my God, why am I going to cry? That's just so beautiful. It was. And I think like, I think parents, like one thing parents could do that I wish my mom would have done a little better is when you're scared and your behavior might seem irrational, be overly honest. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your kids and tell them the truth about why you're acting the way you're acting.

1:53:08And so I think for this guy where he's like, I've made some offhand jokes before. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Be honest with your son. Say, you know, I feel bad about those jokes I've made in the past. I'm sorry. You know, going forward, be open with me. I want to hear about who you're dating and talk about guys with you. Be honest. And that is going to go so much further with your kids because, yeah, you've lived life before and you've been a kid before, but it's your first time being a parent. So just be open and honest. And as long as you're supportive and loving, that's what matters.

1:53:42I agree. I'm just on the verge of tears here. I hate it. Well, it's been an amazing, amazing Pride episode, you guys. We have had so many good guests, so many good stories. And I really do want to continue to highlight all issues, you know, that impact the LGBTQ plus community. Hearing some of these stories could change someone's mind. I mean, it could open someone's eyes to being more accepting and inclusive and loving. So I hope that these stories reach someone that needs to hear it. Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves happiness, life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and all that. So that's all I got to say.

1:54:21And welcome to fatherhood for me. Yeah. I mean, I know that the last read, you'll figure it out real quick and you guys will be fine really well. And thank you for having me on the show because I don't get to come on very often, guys. She kind of keeps me in the closet over there and locks the door. Of course, you're using the closet on our Pride episode. Not because of sexuality, just because she thinks I'm a beast and an animal. No, you're just, I don't know what to predict with you. So we keep him over on Father Knows Something. So if you want more, Dad, check out Father Knows Something. You're due for an episode.

1:54:57You'll be back sometime soon. Yeah, she really limits me. And that is all I got. If you want more of us, head over to Patreon. We've got some amazing episodes over there. And until next time. And if you haven't tried, Father Knows Something, you can catch Justin, Morgan, myself, and others as we are doing our thing over there. So until next time. Bye, guys. Bye.

1:55:45This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's draw something loose.

1:56:24Ay, yes! I like that. The Certified Fresh Series returns. Your boss, you always like this? Or is this just an act? Oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! There's a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh.