276: Unhealthy Relationships?! Ft. Atsuko Okatsuka

32:12Most of it is stuff that I've picked up over the years. I fell in love with Hello Kitty as a kid when I lived in Japan, and after my family moved to the U.S., I stopped seeing it around. So collecting it now feels a little nostalgic. Last year, I went back to Japan to visit my grandparents, and I found these really nice Sanrio coloring books. They're not like cheap kids ones at the store. The paper is thicker, The art is really detailed. And I bought them more as a nostalgic collectible than something for random kids to use. This past weekend, we babysat his niece, six female, while his sister was out of town.

32:51I was working from my home office, so he handled most of the child care during the daytime. Yesterday on my lunch break, I saw her looking at my shelf. She asked if she could touch some of the figures. I said yes, as long as she was very careful and put them back. I assumed she meant the ones she could already reach, just the figures she was asking about at that exact moment. Later, I came out to grab a snack and saw her coloring at the table. At first, I thought it was a normal coloring book, but then I realized it was one of the ones I brought back from Japan, from my Hello Kitty shelf. I didn't want to upset her, but I thought I set pretty clear guidelines, and Six seems old enough to understand that, to me, I could be wrong, so I just said, quote, maybe we find another book for you to color in.

33:44She was really into it, and my husband laughed and said we should just let her keep it since she already started coloring in it. I quietly told him I'd rather not and that we could easily buy her a different book. He brushed it off and said I was overthinking it. I don't want to argue in front of her. So I dropped it. That night after she went to sleep, I saw he had packed the coloring book into her backpack. Oh. That bothered me because it felt like he had decided to give it away, something of mine without even asking. Mm-hmm. So I took it out and shoved it under a couch cushion. LOL. I know it seems dramatic, but I don't know.

34:25I just knew if I put it back on the shelf, it would wind up back in her bag. The next morning, she had a meltdown looking for it. Crying, screaming meltdown. We explained when her mother came that she had lost a coloring book we gave her. After they left, I put it back on the shelf. He said that he was really, disappointed in me, said I was being petty and childish and should have just let her keep it. I told him it wasn't about the price. It was about the fact that it was something I brought back from Japan and it was a part of my collection and he gave it away without even asking. Now things are tense and I'm wondering if I overreacted by taking it back.

35:12Am I the asshole? Wow. This is 100 % I'm on her side. Same. Yeah. I mean, boundaries were set, they were broken. Like if anyone is into collectibles or there's like nostalgia, you know, you know, your belongings and the things that mean something to you is a big deal. I don't know if the husband, if the husband collects like Pokemon cards or like baseball cards, same thing. He would be upset. It really is the same thing. Do you collect anything? I don't, but I get nostalgia, especially since, you know, I lived in Japan and I also was born in Taiwan. But, you know, I moved to the U.S. without wanting to move here.

35:56And then I got stuck here. So I never got to say goodbye to my friends there or my dad and my stuff, my school. So I know what it's like to, you know, every time I'm in Japan, I, you know, for me, that connection is big because it's like now I don't even have a Japanese passport. because when I became an American citizen, I had to give that up because Japan doesn't allow dual citizenship. So it's like slowly bits of my Japanese identity got taken. Yeah, really stripped from you. Yeah, and my Japanese language is not as good too. So it's like when I'm there, the things I get from there, the things I'm able to salvage.

36:32My dad has found some childhood photos of mine that I really cherish those things. You know, it's not just a silly, silly Pokemon card or whatever. But I think that's similar with people in collectibles, right? Absolutely. It's just something that, I don't know, they're drawn to for a reason. I mean, they can bring you so much happiness. Like, I don't know, some people, they get a good collectible, a good Lego set, and like their depression is cured. Like genuinely, it can really make life meaningful and worth living. And so something like this, when you have a deep personal connection, I mean, similar to what you're saying, it's like you get these little bits and it's like you're getting a part of yourself or a part of your culture back.

37:14And I would be really, really upset with my husband if one, he didn't ask me or if he just like looked at something that was so special to me as just like it's a coloring book. It's like it doesn't matter what that item is. It's important to me. so therefore by not caring about it you're not respecting or caring about me yeah no like I would take it personal yeah and it's like the six-year-olds they grow up and they get over things I mean you know I I'm a little a lot of people probably won't agree with me but I'm I'm actually oh I'm always on the adult side when there's a kid in the story is that that's so fucked up to say but like why I don't I feel a lot for adults I feel a lot for adults senior citizens kids it's you know I'm child free and my husband also got a vasectomy recently we just knew from the beginning I just knew I just never wanted kids and that's fine kids are great for other people I like other people's kids I like the idea of kids but you know I just feel like adults have had to endure more.

38:30And so if they're like, you know, that's, I was talking about being a Disney adult, you know, and people are like, oh, so lame. It's like, of course I'm an adult at Disneyland. I couldn't come as a kid. I couldn't afford it. I didn't have a job. Okay. Of course I'm an adult at Disney. I finally have, my brain is finally fully formed where I can remember the memories that I just made that I paid for. You know what I mean? In a way, Like going to Disneyland as an adult makes more sense. And so that's sort of my unhinged take with it's like, you know, this is very pessimistic. Okay. Last thing. I'm ready.

39:10A kid at six, he's like, you know, trying to make her feel good and she might hate him when she's 18. I mean, she's going to be like, oh, great. I broke up with my wife over this coloring book. Yeah. You know, that's your life partner. This girl might hate you tomorrow. She's six. Yes. She's not going to remember this coloring book. She literally might hate Hello Kitty in two days. I know. She's not going to respect the quality of this paper. She might grow up to be Marjorie Taylor Greene. I don't know. You really don't know. These are literally things I think. When I meet an adult, when I meet an adult, I'm like, well, you didn't turn out to be Marjorie Taylor Greene.

39:53so yeah like I want you to have this coloring book is that messed up no I mean she's six very unlikely this is this isn't going to be her villain villain origin story you never know man that's true you know but yeah it could be it could be it could be but unlikely and again it's not hers it's not her shit yes it's not a souvenir if she wants a little coloring book go to the 99 cent store this isn't going to be her villain story you're right though Because this is not a hardship that she went through. No, and the screaming, the meltdown, I think this is a good lesson that she might need to learn.

40:31This is actually a great opportunity that she provided her. Listen, when someone goes, oh, only touch these things, listen. Yeah, keep your Grammy paws off. Top comment, you should be really disappointed in him. He gave away something that was important to you without a single thought. Someone else says, I would be locking up my collection after that. That's the type of blatant disregard that leads me to believe he would get rid of her stuff. He knew she didn't want him to give it away and tried to do it anyways. What will he do after this now that she had the gall to take it back? Yeah. That's kind of a dark thought, though.

41:11Like he's going to start retaliating and just like burning the coloring books. Oh, you never know. That, yeah. Dark. Dark. What would you do if your husband gave something of yours away? I mean, you're a fashionista. Like, what if you just started giving your clothes away? Like, something that you cherish. Right, yeah. I mean, yeah, that would be, I would be, like, confused. Like, you know, there's, you're out to get me. You're mad at something. I mean, you hate me. Yeah, what happened? You turned? You changed as a person. Overnight, what happened? Is someone else under there? I would try to peel his skin off.

41:48Be like, oh, see, I knew it. You know, Scooby-Doo style. Uh-huh. Yeah. Another man. Different man. Who replaced you. My former manager. I knew it. You know, whatever it is. OP does say that this is a very special collector's edition. It was an$80 coloring book. So it's like, I'm not giving an$80 coloring book to a six-year-old. No, no, no, no. There's no way. Six-year-old is happy playing with their imagination. They should be. Yes. Kids need to learn how to be bored again. Yes. I remember growing up and sitting at a table without a tablet. Yeah. And just being bored and like being okay with being bored.

42:30Yeah. Going on car rides, looking out the window. Like teach kids to be bored again. And they need to learn how to self-soothe a little better. Yeah. I'm not a parent. That's me talking out of my ass. Hot take for the day. Oh, I think this. Yes, I totally agree. But the tablets have gotten out of control. The kids need to, you know, I used to just hang out with adults because I was bored. You know, I learned how a divorce works at three. What? Just watch, you know, listening to other people. My parents had already divorced. Yeah. But like, you know, just being around like another couple that was divorcing.

43:06I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have known those terms. No, not at three. But I did because I didn't have a tablet. But I turned out okay. Yeah. You grew up quick though. You're like, yes, you're okay. Yes, you did. Yes, yes. Yes. Meanwhile, cut to, I'm just at California Disneyland Park every week. Eating those beignets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your go-to snack there? So my husband has celiac, so we do eat specific. But they do have a gluten-free cookie that's, God, I know too much. Jack Jack's, Jack Jack from The Incredibles. he has a cookie collection there one of them is gluten free anyway we eat that that sounds good so no beignets for you no no no but that's fine oh and the turkey leg turkey leg corn on the cob gluten free yes yeah that's good the chicken teriyaki they have a gluten free too dole whip as well also gluten free thank you you're still having a good time see how I lit up It's because I was negotiating other people's divorces at three.

44:16But, you know, I can appreciate the finer things in life. Hey, it gave you, you know, maybe a little bit too quick of a childhood, but it led to you being able to. To being stunted. No, no. You are just like. The joys in life. You're just an old soul. And like I was trying to think of ways to like explain you. And I feel like maybe this isn't how you feel. but you feel to me like you've just lived like 10 different lives already in like such a short time based on everything that you've gone through and all of your experiences and stuff. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I don't know. Life, you know, it's just, I don't know.

44:55It's not easy for everybody. And so people come out with these stories and then come out the other end. And I feel like you've come out the other end and like it's really just enabled you to be this amazing comedian because of it. Oh, thank you. I'm like, you're so good. I'm like, everyone needs to go watch. But children are suspectful of me. And suspectful, is that a word? Yeah. Children don't trust me. Really? They're a little apprehensive of you? I think because they know I'm trying to give their coloring book back to the adult. Or maybe they just can sense that you clock them. Do you know what I mean?

45:27I clock them. Also, I think some of them think I am a baby too. Like some babies are like, what? because of my haircut. They're like, is she our leader? You know, they look at me like that when at the airport. They're like, hold on. Wait, why does she get to walk around without her parents? They look at me like that. Oh my gosh. Are you kind of a baby whisperer? A little bit. I'm not trying to be, but they think I'm a Teletubby for real. Yeah, for sure. Like you're like, they're like, you know, they're like, what is this? Is that Dora the Explorer? Because I wear a backpack too. They're like, what?

46:03What is happening? They're drawn to you. Yeah. You're a baby, baby magnet. Yes. And I'm like, be careful. I will give your coloring book back to the rightful owner. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. I myself have fallen for a scam. Thought I was getting a really good deal on tickets and bam, I sent the money and I didn't get my tickets. There's so many common scams these days and finding all the red flags can be hard. That is where Cash App comes in. Keeping your money safe from fraud deserves to be a priority, and Cash App treats it that way. With security lock, Cash App requires a successful face ID or biometric authentication to access your account.

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47:49Chrysler is a registered trademark of SCAUS LLC. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Season is changing. Time to clean out that closet and maybe make some extra money in the process. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell your clothes you no longer wear and get more value out of your wardrobe. It's super simple to use and with no selling fees. So you keep what you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees. Speaking of stealing things. Yes. This story is confusing me. Oh, okay. This is coming from our two hot takes subreddit.

48:30It's titled, my husband is stealing my clothes and I don't know why. Oh, okay. All right. I have some ideas. I, 28 female, have been married to my husband, 26 male, for almost four years now. I have a metabolic disorder that I was born with that causes me to have severe depression, even though I try to be very health conscious. It is very hard for me to care about my life at times and in turn causes me to not care about my appearance. So when I like clothing, it's a really big deal for me. I recently got a shirt that I really love. It's kind of an oversized, which is how I like it, and it is in that style that I like.

49:10I showed it to my husband and he claimed to like it too. It's a very casual shirt, but I really like it and I wear it often. About a month ago, I went to put it on, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I knew I had just done laundry, so it couldn't have gone far. I tore the house apart looking for that shirt. Nothing. The following morning, I was driving with my husband, and I saw the shirt I was looking for in the back of his car. When I asked him why it was in there, he said he didn't know and was confused, but I just let it go. A couple of weeks ago, I had gotten another shirt that I fell in love with.

49:50This one also casual and oversized, but I loved it so much I bought another one in a different color. I again showed them to my husband and he claimed he liked them. Same thing happened. I went to go put one on and realized that both of them were missing. I again tore the house apart looking for them, but nothing. I had remembered the other one being in my husband's car. So when he got off of work, I went to see if they were in there. What? And I found them in the trunk. So they're all in the trunk? He's just collecting them in the trunk? Like little victims? He's just kidnapping sharks, but hers?

50:33Along with several other clothing items I had that went missing. Oh. I got back inside and asked him why he had a bag of my clothes in his car. He denied knowing what I was even talking about. So I showed him the footage of our ring camera with him holding the bag of clothes and walking to his car. He then said, quote, oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure you told me you wanted to donate that stuff. which I then proceeded to tell him I've never asked him to donate any of my stuff. If I have clothes to donate, I always sort and take them myself. He then just said, quote, yeah, I don't know then. Oh. Every time I bring it up, he just says he just thought he was supposed to take them to the donation center, which I'm 100 % certain I never asked him to do, especially because he was taking all of my favorite things.

51:31How do I proceed with this if he won't even tell me the real reason he's taking my clothes? That's really wild. I'm scared. I'm actually kind of scared. Yeah, it's like kind of serial killer activity because, you know, it's like he's practicing on shirts, you know, what could be humans. I mean, he's putting them in bags and lying, you know and it's in the trunk in you're right that's where you put victims you are you're so right i mean next step is you know take them you know and uh yeah i mean he is taking them i guess and then and then being like i don't know what you're talking about yeah it's wild and you know but and it's weirder because it's stuff he knows she likes because she's showing them being like I love these.

52:21I know, which is so sad. Unless he doesn't like them and he's trying to get rid of them so that what? She has to wear different kinds of clothes or what? You know, that's my guess. None of it's good. None of it's good. My first thought was he's taking them to wear them himself. That was my first thought too. And I was going to be like, you know, maybe. Yeah, exactly. But then why are they in the trunk in a bag? You know, you hear the stories about people coming home and finding their husband in their underwear and stuff like that. So it's like, if he was going to take them and wear them, you think they'd be in the house where he could actually get them on.

52:56Yeah, I think he's literally trying to get rid of them. I feel like you need to start, if you have two cars, if you have a car each, I would start doing it with his clothes too. But you gotta, you gotta, retaliate. Yes, you gotta beat him though. You have to, it has to be like a lot at a time. He's, he's got three shirts so far in this story. Take his whole closet, that put it in your trunk. I like this. And then don't get rid of them yet, but like have him, you know, question where they went, you know? I donated them. Yeah. I thought you wanted them donated. Yes. When he says, no, no, no, I like these clothes.

53:32Donate them anyway. Yeah, I liked my clothes too. That's my thought. And then probably break up with them still too. That's my thought. Well, they're married too. It's like, oh, I'm going to eat one of these chocolates. This is stressing me out. I know, same. This man just lives in this world. We breathe the same air. It's scary, isn't it? He's 28. 26. 26? Kind of a diabolical age for a dude. He needs to go back in the womb, cook a little more. Diabolical? Diabolical. What does that word mean? I actually don't know. I'm going to give us the formal definition. Ooh, fun. Thank you. Diabolical refers to something highly devious, extremely cruel or characteristic of the devil.

54:1926 is that, yeah. Because that's still very young. So his metabolism is going. He's got a lot of energy. 26-year-olds heal fast. He's already thinking this way. Next step is like mutilating squirrels. You know what I mean? I don't know the solution, but my thing is do his clothes too. First step, at least. Sorry, I'm trying not to chew in the mic. No, everyone's going to appreciate that. Asko, you just like, you're just taking it to the level that like I usually would. And I'm just, I'm so happy you're here that I'm just like not alone in this. The top comment, he's taking what makes you feel good about yourself.

55:04If it makes you happy, he can't stand it. That's a good point. He can't stand it. Yeah. That's not a good husband though, or a person. No, that's not someone I would trust to be my person. Like you tell him you like a shirt. I like this shirt. It makes me feel good. And his next step is to take it. Not once, not twice, more than three times because he's got the three shirts and a bag of other stuff you've been missing. Like, he is, he's insane. Jail. Yeah, prison. Jail. Now. Yeah. So, we do get an update. Oh my god. Okay, I hope it's good. I am pleased to say this was not the update I was expecting to make.

55:51Oh. I gathered the footage again, and I showed my husband the video recording of him carrying my clothes in the bag to his car. He looked at the footage and said, quote, Okay, I'll just tell you. I don't want you to think I'm a horrible husband. Oh. It turns out that he was taking my clothes to surprise me with a photo shoot, wearing all of my favorite clothing items. What? So then I would feel good and comfortable in the photo shoot. Where? Okay. He said, quote, I know you are battling a lot mentally and I wanted you to have these photos to look at when you are feeling down about yourself and to remember how beautiful you are.

56:37That made me tear up. I then asked why he gaslit me when I saw the clothes in his car and why he didn't just tell me. He said he really wanted it to be a surprise because he knows it's hard for me mentally most days to get out of the house. He said he was just bad at hiding the clothes and didn't know where else to put them but in his car. Wow He also apologized multiple times for gaslighting me and said he should have handled that part in a different way But couldn't think of anything else in the moment when he was put on the spot I told him I forgave him, but if this ever happens again, I won't be so forgiving next time And he completely understood and said there will be no next time I then asked him why he took the clothes ahead of time and not just take them right before the photo shoot He said his memory is so bad, which is true.

57:31He has the memory of a goldfish. Oh, okay. And a lot of my clothes look so similar, so he wasn't sure he would remember which ones were my favorite. So he took them periodically when I would tell him how much I liked them so he wouldn't forget. And then proceeded to hug him and tell him that that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I apologized for thinking he was being cruel to me on purpose. I honestly should have known it would be something like this because he has always been such a good man. But I started to question because of my relationships in my past. But he clearly is not like all the boys in my past.

58:06I'm so thankful to have a good man. The photo shoot appointment is tomorrow. And I'm actually really excited. I've never had a professional photo shoot before. Thank you to everyone who commented with their support. I know that every comment comes from a place of love and concern. And it was healing to read how much people care. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Take some cute photos of yourself. We all deserve to be reminded of our beauty. Wow. That's, it's not fair how much acts of kindness is just, just borderlines, just a fine line before you were looking like a mass shooter. It's just fucked up.

58:46It's so messed up. like you know what I mean like when a stranger hugs you it's like oh it's like an act of kindness or like he's about to you know stab you it's messed up I got tricked I got tricked two seconds ago I was telling her you know steal his clothes burn it down get rid of them break up with him I mean I don't know if I'm convinced That there's a photo shoot happening tomorrow? Uh-uh. I want to see these photos. I would like to see photos, OP. This is on our own subreddit. Like, this is likely one of our listeners. Yeah. So. We would love an update. I'm going to need. I'm glad you feel beautiful.

59:32To see the photos. I want you to feel beautiful. As you should. Yeah, yeah. As you absolutely should. But I'm going to need documentation that this photo shoot was booked before you confronted him. Yeah, because. Yeah, yeah. That's a great idea. Was this a cover up? Yeah, I do. Was this a cover up? Yeah, because you got us because because if this is for a photo shoot, his tactic is a little wild. He's acting like a dog covering, like stealing a piece of bone from the dinner table. You know, and hiding it in a hole in the backyard one at a time. You know, you're acting like like a like a squirrel before hibernation.

1:00:13He has a brain of a goldfish suddenly. I don't know. I'm not convinced. But what does that say about me? Am I just being pessimistic? Am I? No, it's the way of the world. Am I something broken within me? Do I have trust issues? I just find this. No, no, no, no. I find something still a little off here. I'm going to need another update, OP. Nothing's broken with you. Ted Bundy used to lure his victims into his car by pretending he was on crutches and that he needed. he had like a broken arm and he needed help putting something in his car and out of the goodness of people you know and that's how he would take advantage of them so no you're not broken thank you thank you i needed that confirmation top comment they quote op i'm so thankful to have a good man and they share the meme of pete davidson kind of like oh i don't even know what tearing up tearing up like I can't tell what that emotion is supposed to convey though I'm not really sure either like is that good maybe that's like Pete Davidson saying that like I'm so thankful to have a good man I don't know like he like she's literally I have no idea I know is it like like girl we don't believe that or like is that like oh that's so sweet like I'm choking up that's a very difficult face to interpret yeah yeah in this case and this is one of the few cases where I would say, girl, use your words.

1:01:42Use your words because, you know, right now I can't use more abstractness. I'm confused. Same. People are sharing. I'm a little shaken that she's still with him and now she's just doing a photo shoot. I need pictures. You can send them. I won't share them. Send them to me. Send me a DM. We just want proof of life. Thank you. That's all. Proof of life. a lot of people share memes like the Britney Spears meme that one's a little more easy to understand yeah totally someone says my and my husband's reaction when we read this like I don't want to be mean but girl come on someone says oh honey so I think I'm not in the solo boat of still skeptical yeah I think you know the lesson is that You know, boys weren't always taught to communicate and you need to make sure they learn from an early age.

1:02:47Yeah, I think so. How are you doing? How are you hanging over there? Good. Doing okay? Yeah, I'm just being whipped around by these men. Wow. Well, do you have a dog? Do you have any pets? I don't. we tried fostering for a month yeah we had a dog for a month how'd it go oh we were not prepared we were confused we didn't do research we didn't you know read anything we just thought we thought like having a dog was like a vibe like you just kind of you feed it give it water it'll poop we didn't know we were surprised we didn't know didn't we were like why did it poo again. It poos every day. Multiple?

1:03:41I think multiple. Like twice a day? And more than its body size. I don't know if something was wrong with this dog. What were you feeding it? Do all dogs poo more than its body size? Because we would wake up in the backyard. What kind of dog was this? It was like a pit bull lab mix. Bigger dog, but we would wake up to the backyard just filled with poop we were like did you have friends over we were so confused oh my god and uh and it was getting bigger and bigger by the minute the dog or the dog and the poop oh my god all of our stuff was wet all the time we were just everything was like day one on earth we we were not ready we were so confused we were like i thought a dog was supposed to help you what you know yeah we were getting weaker and the dog was getting stronger.

1:04:36Yeah. And when they learn that they're smarter than you, that's when things get really scary. Oh my God. At one point we would just be hiding in a corner like the dog's outsmarted us. This is the dog's house now. And so yeah, we were not. Yeah. Okay. So you do have a little experience on, on a dog that, you know, kind of takes over. Yeah. Yeah. Also no one told me I'd be thinking about the dog all the time too. Like when I'd be out at a bar, I was like, oh, I didn't know this was, no one told me. It's too easy to adopt or foster. This next one, coming from Relationship Advice, it's titled, My Girlfriend, 25 Female, is ruining years of my dog's training and thinks I, 27 male, am being a dictator.

1:05:27I have a five-year-old German shepherd named Max. I got him as a pup and spent literally hundreds of hours and a lot of money on professional training because I wanted a dog that actually listens. He used to be perfect. Heal, stay, no begging at the table, the whole deal. We've been living together for about seven months now and things are starting to fall apart because she refuses to follow the rules I set for him. It started small, like her letting him on the couch when I'm not in the room. I told her multiple times that Max has his own bed for a reason, and it is better for his joints and my sanity because of the fur.

1:06:12She just rolls her eyes and says that he looks sad. Now, he won't even go on his bed when I tell him to, because he just looks at her for permission to stay on the sofa. Then there is the food. I have a very strict no scraps rule. She thinks it's cute to give him bits of her pizza crust or bacon under the table. Now Max has started whining and pawing at people while they eat, which is something he never did before. Yesterday was the breaking point. I caught her feeding him directly from her plate, and when I told her to stop, she got defensive and called me a dog dictator. She says I am sucking the joy out of his life and that he is just a dog, not a soldier.

1:07:01I tried explaining that consistency is the only way training works and that she's basically undoing three years of hard work, but she didn't care. She just walked away. Now the dog is confused and honestly starting to ignore my commands if she's around, how do I make her understand that this is about respect for my effort and the dog's safety without turning it into a massive fight every single night? Dang, that's a, yeah. That's a hard one because, yeah, I get needing to train a dog. Since we didn't know how to train a dog, it was messy. We couldn't do it. We couldn't figure it out. so like if someone did the hard work of figuring it out yeah I would want that to be kept too you know what did what did this dog do to your house and stuff it was like I would start running and she would chase me and then jump up and like bite me playfully and I thought that was cute and so I would put it on Instagram and people would be like you know you're supposed to stop her from doing that you know I'm like oh I didn't know right but it's messy you know it's she would like run around the house.

1:08:09My husband, you know, my husband has ADHD. And like, I think I do too. I haven't like gone to like get diagnosed. My fans have diagnosed me. But you know, it's hard for us to like get stay organized and already on top of things. So yeah, just seeing that the dog was just being a dog because of the way we are. Yeah, I get if you were able to discipline. And it's I know it's expensive to get a trainer and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't want someone to respect that too for sure i'd be pissed yeah i'd be upset like it's it's it's gonna be even more difficult too down the road because like this is the dog what happens if we progress further and i don't know what if they want kids and they have a kid yeah and she's like i don't care i'm a gentle parent and that kid can climb all over everyone in a store or right ultimately the the thing behind her attitude is I don't care about like your feelings and your hard work and what matters to you right that's what she's saying I don't care what matters to you it's not about the dog necessarily I mean it is right now but below the surface right that's what's happening she's going I don't respect you you can't be with someone who doesn't respect you yeah so yeah because then she's it sounds like they live together right yeah yeah yeah seven months right she's really done some serious damage in that time.

1:09:33Top comment. Your girlfriend is being disrespectful. Imagine what it would be like to have kids with her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who respects you and your dog. OP, the person who wrote the post, comments back, the kid thing is actually a scary thought. If we can't even agree on a dog, parenting would be a disaster. Right. We do have a bunch of dog trainers that chime in in the chat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They say it might be worth setting an ultimatum and strict corrective action in front of your dog where the dog can see the rules are being set. For example, the next time she feeds your dog scraps from the plate, you intervene.

1:10:13If you have other issues in your relationship, worth amend. I don't know. Maybe just call it quits. Right. Yeah. That's all about—that's kind of what I would say, too. I think so. Because I don't know. I mean, pizza crust is, like, bad for the dog, too, no? that's it can hurt their stomachs yeah yeah i think i then they're really going to be pooping big poops i heard german shepherds have like very sensitive stomachs too or like they get like they have i don't know my german shepherd was like really prone to allergies from food oh okay yeah and like he had sensitive skin oh yeah he was kind of a high maintenance boy yeah i mean but i'm pretty sure they do have like stomach issues and either way you don't want to mess with that that's that's so, yeah.

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1:11:41Games rated E for everyone. This episode is brought to you by Billy. I don't know about you guys, but I get a little lazy in the winter. I'm in hibernation mode and I grow out my leg hair a little bit, but it's getting warmer and now I'm excited for that first shave of the season. And if you are, then you got to get the Billy razor into your life. It's designed for how women actually shave, legs, pits, toes, happy trail, wherever prickles decide to show up. It has five sharp blades and a pivoting head so you can actually get everywhere without doing shower gymnastics. And it comes with a magnetic holder so your razor stays dry on the wall instead of sitting in a shower puddle.

1:12:19Grab a Billy razor in your favorite color in store or at mybilly.com. This episode is brought to you by Revolve. My summer has been jam-packed with moments where I just want to look cute. And the best way to do it is to find a good fit, an outfit that makes you feel confident, that feels on trend or reflects your unique style. And Revolve is my go-to place to find those fits. I just went to Europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from Revolve and I've never, never been complimented more. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a summer trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve always has it.

1:12:59Go to revolve.com slash THT to shop our faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com slash THT. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. Okay, this next one for us is coming from my friend, DirectCaterpillar77, my Reddit bestie who finds all the best stories. It's titled, My boyfriend, Derek, owns a bunch of businesses. A few days ago, he wanted me to meet with a representative of a restaurant chain in order to acquire one of the stores.

1:13:49Derek invited Alex, the representative, to have dinner with us at a fancy restaurant. Things were going well, and when Derek left for the bathroom, Alex and I began to talk. Alex told me his family was originally from Russia, and I told him that my father trained in the Russian army. When Derek came, I was talking to Alex about a good borscht recipe. Derek, for some reason, thought I was annoying Alex and told me, quote, Alex came here to talk about business, not some dumb Russian soup. And then said, sorry about that, Alex. she talks a lot about useless antidotes. Oh, yeah. I got red in the face and Alex said, quote, Well, Derek, I care about dumb Russian soup because I'm Russian.

1:14:42Things were awkward. And long story short, Derek didn't get approved for the franchise. And now he's blaming me for it. I feel guilty and I don't know what to do. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I feel like you just brought messiness to a business meeting. He's the one that kind of made it weird and messy and personal and attacky. Attacky, indeed. For no reason. All he had to do is be like, oh, you're into the soup? Sometimes I get confused about why people will date or be friends with their biggest hater. that is hard sometimes we date you know what we know right and sometimes what we know is like our upbringing whether it's like our parents or whoever we wanted to please and so we just do that again right oh I was a fixer for a long time I tried to fix them and I think you know my mom had a really rough track record of that yeah yeah like still like she has not found the love that she deserves for how amazing she is.

1:16:00And so growing up, it was like, I didn't have a lot of great relationship examples. Yeah. So I fell into that. Right. Yeah. But like you get to a point where you're like, I'm really tired of my partner making me feel like shit. Yeah. And hating on me. Right. And being a tacky. Like. Yeah. And this is my fault again, you know? Yeah. Yeah, totally. And so, I mean, she doesn't have to feel guilty, I would say. That's something she could get rid of, you know, that feeling and know that, yeah, know that that was definitely not her fault. No. What would your advice be for her going forward? Oh gosh.

1:16:43And so like he's the one that owns all these businesses. I mean, yeah, if he continues like this, if this is like something that's behavior that's common for him. Yeah, I would, you know, think about you and whatever that means. If it's like leaving, then, you know, you just put yourself number one. It feels like you even going her going to the meeting with him. Right. It's like she's so honest, a supportive figure to him. Yeah. Absolutely. Who's the supportive figure for her? So, you know, she should be that for her. Just think of you right now. Yeah. That's a really good point. You're showing up for him.

1:17:22Yeah. Helping him schmooze and try to lock up this deal. What is he doing for you? Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Top comment. Nah, this is all on him for assuming that the conversation wasn't going well and that it was your fault. If he was smart, he should have just joined the convo and found a more natural and less douchey way to move it back to business. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Yeah, totally. OP responds, he has a habit of thinking that whenever I'm talking to someone, they're annoyed by me. Oh, yeah, that's not good. Yeah. So this is a common thing. So no, she needs to think of you. You think of you, girl, and maybe leave if you need to.

1:18:09Have you ever been with someone or like been friends with someone that you just can tell that they think you're stupid? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Those are bullies, actually. That feeling. Yeah. Or like they're constantly just trying to like, you'll say something. And it feels like you're talking in a different language where they're like, what do you mean? And you have to like overly explain yourself or like they just don't give you the benefit of the doubt. Life is too short to deal with that shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. Hell no. My mom has schizophrenia. It's already solving a puzzle every single day when she calls me at three in the morning, four in the morning.

1:18:46When I have 50 missed calls from her, I don't have time for someone being like, why are you smiling like that? Why did you say that? What question does that mean? No, I don't. Yeah, truly don't have time. it makes me nauseous like let me live my fucking life yeah totally just let me live yeah why are you don't like me so you know that i'm like just you actually kind of hate me you hate me yeah yeah so okay we don't need to let's not hang out let's not be with each other we do get an update oh my gosh from her from her oh let me guess he was trying to set up a nice photo shoot because he's actually truly madly in love with her and this was not a restaurant guy it was actually a photographer they were meeting.

1:19:31What was it? After what happened, I started to reflect on our relationship as a whole. I noticed the trend that whenever I talked to someone, Derek would always be hovering over me. Not just business partners, but his family too, and during events. Also, him insulting me for what I would say was a trend that I didn't really notice until now. I told Derek about this in a last attempt to salvage our relationship because he still had some redeeming qualities. I told Derek I was thinking of breaking up with him because he didn't respect me. Derek claimed that I wouldn't break up with him because I needed his money.

1:20:12and I pointed out that I come from an upper middle class family and that I'm studying to become an RN so I don't need anything from him but his respect. It's all I want. Derek then broke down and told me that he grew up seeing his father putting his mother down all the time. Derek said if I don't have any of my own opinions and I rely on him for everything then I won't leave. Apparently, that's what his father taught him. I don't know. I broke up with Derek. Yay! You go, girl. And I blocked him and I changed my phone number after he threatened to ruin my life and tell the university awful things about me.

1:20:54Oh, good. Good for you, girl. Yes. No one's gonna believe him. That guy they met with didn't believe him. That's why he didn't work for him with him. He saw his true colors. None of us believe him. Mm-mm. No. No. Icky. Icky, icky, icky. Yes. Oh, my gosh. I don't like it. So glad it wasn't a photo shoot, though. I would have literally lost my mind. Like, I don't know anything anymore. He was secretly writing me poetry. He actually loves me. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, thank goodness. I'm going to give you a choice on our last one here. Okay. You can either choose a feel-good, happy story titled, My husband made me cry tonight.

1:21:38Or is it unreasonable to treat masturbation as cheating? Oh, gosh. Let's try feel-good. Yeah. Everything's been so insane. I know. Where it's like, he was, he wasn't. They're all dating the Riddler. So maybe this one. This will be nice. Okay. This is coming from True Off My Chest. It's titled, My Husband Made Me Cry Tonight. I was cooking our dinner, which I do every night because I love cooking, and I accidentally burned the pork burgers. I didn't mean to, but I got distracted trying to make the sides. I felt so defeated trying to open windows to get the smoke out, and my husband walked in the kitchen and just stared at me.

1:22:25I just looked at him like I don't know what to do. He walked over kissed me on the forehead and told me he appreciates me cooking dinner for him every night Oh He told me we can scrape the burned part off no harm no foul and he was so excited to eat the dinner that I made I burst into tears what? He's the most loving caring and kind human I know and the little things like tonight just make me so happy to have him I grew up with a mom that blew up about everything and my husband heals that part of me that feels like I can't do anything right he's truly my favorite person that's all nothing major but I wanted to get it out there oh my gosh that's very sweet and I was gonna I was curious what happened to her that made her like burst into tears like that right like this reminds me of like when I was in so when i was in montreal i performed in montreal as part of my tour and uh i got a video um of my fan filming like his partner uh who's crying this asian this asian guy he's crying oh he's crying he's like and his partner's like why are you crying he's like why are you crying he goes is it because i got you tickets to go see your favorite and he's like and he goes she's Asian and he's crying right it was so sweet and they were and I was talking about it on my show I said it's very sweet but also I was like what is wrong with Montreal that this boy is crying he's like she's Asian like representation should not hit that hard it does though but not that hard one Asian person is coming but I was like I was like, white people of Montreal, I'm going to need you to walk a little softer tonight.

1:24:24Whatever you did to this poor Asian kid. And he's just, just one Asian girl is coming and you're just like, ah, I can't believe it. You know, I mean, and yes, representation does hit hard. But, you know, for her to burst into tears after she cooks every night and just like, just barely a little something gets burnt for her to react that way. my next question was gonna be like okay who the fuck fucked you up because the bar is is low or you know what i mean yeah the bars in hell did this to you yeah right and yeah the mom being like forcing her to be a perfectionist i totally yeah so it's great she has a partner that like offsets that sees her yeah i like finding someone that like finally sees you oh such a good feeling I remember when I first started dating my husband, I like was telling a friend something.

1:25:20I was like, damn, is this what it feels when someone actually likes you? I'm like the effort they put in, the amount they care about you just like really hits different. But that's really, that's really, really cute that that person surprised their partner with the tickets. Oh, yeah. Because like you, you're like one of only two female Asian comedians, really. to like make it big right i saw some stat on something we have like uh oh um the second asian american uh female stand-ups to have a hbo special yes which is a huge deal yeah yeah the first one was margaret cho and it was 27 years between between us yeah absolutely insane yeah but there's a lot you know there's there's more of us now but before you know like margaret cho was the first one for and the only one for so long you know meeting her you know I like super freaked out too and I was like wait it shouldn't be this way you know what I mean like it's good it's like of course because it doesn't matter to feel seen but it's like man I'm freaking out too much like you know there should be more of us yeah it shouldn't be this it shouldn't hit that hard yeah exactly yeah well I feel like you're breaking a lot of glass ceilings oh my gosh you're Your work is absolutely incredible.

1:26:43Oh, thank you. I really appreciate you coming on. Thank you for having me. And I ate one of the chocolates. No, no. But you can have the rest back. I'm really excited for the caramel. I'm like, I'm just... And that one I saved for you because I just ate the almonds. I'm going to attack it right after this. Where can people find you? Where can they watch? I mean, you've got your HBO special. You've got your Hulu special. You're on tour. Yes, yes. The Big Bowl tour. Yeah. Yeah. So people can find me on OtsukoComedy.com or Otsuko Comedy on all my socials. Yeah. And find me in your city. All of Otsuko's links will be in the description.

1:27:21Super easy to find. I know I'm going to find a show that I can make because I just need to see you live. Thank you guys for being here. Another episode. Until next time. Bye.

1:28:08Transcription by CastingWords is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis.

1:28:40Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Trimphia today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit TrimphiaRadio.com. Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Listen to the free audiobook now.