283: Updates on Updates!

27:29It's an honor to give birth. You already get that honor. And checking the Wi-Fi routers? Yeah, and saying it so casually. Scary. That's so scary. That's in a, like, controlling abusive relationship. Yeah, and for sure. We had alarm bells ringing when we heard it the first time, and we were distraught. So then we get this, what she's calling, her second and final update. Hello all. I first want to say thank you. Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to reply, send messages, check up on me, and share your stories. I've read so much more than I'll ever be able to respond to. Thank you.

28:13Those who took the time to share resources and volunteer your own time, you are angels in the flesh. Thank you. I'm so incredibly touched by this overwhelming outpour of love and support. Also, thank you to even the people who told me I was selfish or crazy or any other derogative you chose to use. I'm not sure what helped me more. The people posing such great questions about if I felt safe, comfortable, loved, or the people telling me I was a terrible person. Something about attempting to reread my story as an outsider and seeing the comments where Redditors told me that I was in fact the problem broke something in me, and I finally saw through the haze.

28:51Mm-hmm. But hey, maybe try to be nicer to strangers on the internet and consider your words more carefully. We're all people just trying to get through life. So many of you are kind, caring, and loving individuals. Thank you for caring about some random on the internet. I don't even have words. I can't say a whole lot about these last few days. So much has happened that I will be processing for years to come. All I can say is that I am safe and I am free. Read into that as you will. My next steps are leaving this chapter of my life behind. I'm moving out of the city, and I'm going to try starting again somewhere new.

29:26Somewhere beautiful, where every time I look outside, it's hard to believe it's real life. I've always felt drawn to the mountains with all their beauty and might. I don't plan to ever log into this account or even read it ever again. I did the same thing at 16, and I'm hopeful that these last few decades have set me up for more success than I had the first time chasing a new start. If you read my story and you relate to it in any way, or you feel too smothered, voiceless, and alone, every single day locked in the house with someone who is supposed to love you, I just want you to know what I now know.

30:01That it isn't normal. That isn't what life is supposed to be. There are people you can rely on and strangers can be your best friend. The cost may be steep, but the cost to stay is so much more. Farm this post for all the comments and support available. I pass it on to you and beg you to use what resources you can find. The sheer volume of personal messages I received from people in the same boat, people sharing support, people checking in to make sure if I was okay. There's such a community here. Bug! And they will be here to help you before you even realize you need it. Okay, that's... Bug! There's one more line.

30:42You got it. I'm not sure what's next, and that's terrifying, but also refreshing. I haven't had that in so many years. Thank you. Jeez. I'm so happy for her. I do want an update, though. I'm like, how's the mountain? Like, how's the view, babe? I mean, there is no better way to do that. There is no refresh, like a completely new place, a new routine, a new commute to work, a new job, a new grocery store. I mean, every little piece of it makes a difference versus like if we split up right now, everything in LA, it's like, well, I was there with Morgan on a day. Oh, we did that once. Oh, we were just there.

31:31You would never get out of it. If you're really heartbroken, stuck in something, which I know can still happen after abusive relationships, after any type of relationship, the best thing you can do to recover is to get away. And I know that's not always possible, but in my experience, it is the best. Yeah. It sounds like with her, no news is good news. But also I love this as an update because it's kind of like the best and the worst of comments. I think like earlier in the update, she mentioned how the negative comments affected her. Yeah. But then also how profoundly the supportive comments affected her.

32:08And I think it's important to remember that for us and for commenters of like, these are real people. And not only are they like reading your comments, but they're taking them in, they're like affected by them. And I don't know. I just I think that it was a really beautiful update both in all ways. Absolutely. And you do get so many resources on those posts. I actually want to give our moderators on Two Hot Takes a shout out because there was a post the other day that was in this same vein and I saw it and literally the top comment was already from a mod of mine sharing resources to the listener and I immediately went and messaged I was like I just want to check in make sure you're okay because like I don't necessarily need my comment to be public facing but if you're coming to my sub I want you to know like hey I see you we got you and she messaged me back and she's like yes I'm good the advice the support I got on the sub was amazing and that really can make a huge difference for someone and be that rose colored glasses come off moment to where they're like I deserve more I don't deserve this I'm gonna make a change I'm getting out yeah and correct me if I'm wrong but the way that I actually read the negative comments was that she was actually it made her so confident in the fact that she wasn't crazy yeah like hearing these people be like oh you're selfish or whatever they said all of a sudden she was like wait no I'm not and now and like I know that for a fact and I'm so confident in that because now that I'm hearing so and like that actually happened to me not too long ago where I was like is this dramatic of me and somebody was like yeah a little and I was like I'm so glad you gave me your honest opinion because now I can take that and actually decide what I think instead of just having you be like no whatever and then me still be kind of like is she just trying to be nice to me and like I genuinely like looked at it and I was like no it's not dramatic and the reason why I don't think it's dramatic is because there's like xyz like all these other like aspects that like maybe she didn't understand whatever anyway my point is is that like I I think that like there's power in sometimes having somebody say something so opposite of what you're feeling because then it puts you in this like it doesn't feel right yeah why doesn't that feel right yeah exactly and it like puts you in this like place of confidence in like what your emotions actually are kind of like when somebody asks you like or like what's your opinion do you want to do this or that and someone says you should do this and then you're like i'm gonna do the opposite because i didn't like how that felt yeah exactly you immediately know yeah yeah so happy happy update yeah that's awesome she's looking at the mountains does it make you guys think of The end of Stranger Things?

34:55I didn't see it. So sorry. Okay. That was my vision. That will hit for a lot of people. Yeah, a lot of people will be like, yes. Literally, none of the three of us. That's crazy. Yeah. I saw the first couple, but never got into it. Sorry, guys. This episode is brought to you by Skims. Can we talk about good cotton basics for a second? Lauren, you were just telling me about your cotton tea from Skims. What do you love about it? Everything. the way that it feels, the way that it like pulls me in a little bit too. A nice soft hug. It's a nice soft hug. Smoothie. Yes. It hugs me in all the right places.

35:32And it truly is my favorite t-shirt that I own right now. I wear it every time it's cleaned. I've been loving all my cotton pieces. All of my underwear are cotton now. Way more breathable, lightweight. As you guys know, I also live for a Skims bodysuit. I don't feel as confident or comfortable in any other piece of clothing I own. Yeah. Also, if you want a go-to staple bra, no painful underwires, great stretch, doesn't pill, the fits everybody scoop bralette, I'd say I wear six out of seven days a week. Obsessed. Me too. Obsessed. These are all just amazing basics, amazing staple pieces for your wardrobe that are just going to be a part of your daily wear.

36:11So shop Skims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Thank you. Bye. Okay, number three for us here. This is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Letting My Friends Use My Backyard for Their Wedding Because They Do Not Want Me to Bring a Plus One? This is coming from our That's Unfair episode featuring Angela Giratana. Let's get into it. This is coming from AITAH, 28 days old. Am I the asshole for not letting my friends use my backyard for their wedding because they do not want me to bring a plus one?

36:58Oh, damn. Here's the situation. Last summer, I bought my grandparents' house. This house was the hangout spot for my friends and I throughout our childhood. This includes my friend Dave. The house has a sizable amount of land, which includes a lake and a gazebo. I was supposed to buy the house with my now ex-girlfriend, Leslie. But going through the process of getting approved to buy, I found out that she had massive amounts of credit card debt and personal debt that she hid from me throughout our four years together. I decided to break up as a result. That was about six months ago. I met Leslie because Dave's long-term girlfriend, Kim, is Leslie's cousin.

37:43Dave and Kim are engaged and set to get married in April. When I was buying the house, they asked if they could have the ceremony at the gazebo, which I agreed to do. In December, I started dating again. Leslie has not taken this well at all. She thinks we are going to get back together and has tried multiple times to make that happen. I've told her in no uncertain terms that isn't happening. Dave and Kim have asked me to not bring a plus one to the wedding for Leslie's sake. Oh, I've told them that this request is ridiculous. This wedding is happening at my house using my land, and I'm not allowed to bring a date because of a crazy ex.

38:25If that is the case, then they need to find a new venue for the wedding. They are pissed about this, given the short time frame of when the wedding is supposed to happen. So we are at an impasse. Am I the asshole? We do have some edits from OP. Thank God. We have some edits. I've seen a few things brought up a number of times in the comments, so I will quickly address them here. Okay. One, I am fully aware of the liability issues, which is why I purchased, and they reimbursed me for a special event insurance policy, which will provide 100 % coverage for any damages, claims, injuries, etc. to any of the property or persons up to$2 million.

39:09What? It is one of the first things we did after I agreed to have the event in my home. Number two, the wedding will have a maximum if everyone comes of 75 guests, five catering staff, and five security staff. The security is because this is an open area that anyone walking past could access. The house has hosted events twice the size and logistically it'll all be fine. On the property are two cottages, one with one bathroom and the other with two bathrooms. The only portion of my house that will not be locked during the wedding is the finished basement. The basement has two bathrooms. Three, every person who is single, i.e.

39:47not in an established relationship, received an invitation with a plus one, including me and Leslie. This talk came after I sent in my return card and indicated I was bringing a plus one. Now they are saying they do not want me to have a plus one because Leslie blew up about it and they are afraid of a blow up at the wedding. Number four, Leslie indicated she intends to bring someone on her card. I do not know if she will actually bring someone. I went to go look at the post to see if there's any other comments. Oh my God, please, please. We have an official update. Thank God. So I met with Dave this morning.

40:24We talked for almost two hours about everything. I laid it out that I thought he was at best a shitty friend. I went through our long history of various things over the years that has me questioning our friendship. And they grew up in this house. Holy smokes. That was the bulk of our conversation. We then turned to the breakup with Leslie and the shit show of the last six months. Throughout the last six months, despite Leslie's craziness, I have bent over backwards to try and accommodate her feelings. She has shown up to my house in the middle of the night. I did not go for a restraining order.

41:02When I go out, I do not go to places that I know her and her family like to go. She has implied to her family and mutual friends at various times that I cheated and or that I took advantage of her financially, neither of which is true at all. I've held my tongue to not embarrass her about these things in front of her friends and family. Dave knows all of that and yet is demanding once again that I put Leslie's feelings before my own. I said, quote, you and everyone need to stop coddling her like she is a fucking child. Dave concedes that Leslie has been crazy and ridiculous since the breakup, but he says, quote, she feels she did not get closure after the relationship.

41:44She wants to have an evening where she can talk to you to get that closure. Not at the wedding. Not a closure talk at the wedding that you're hosting at your house. He also told me that Leslie has been very vigilant about paying off her debt and paid off almost$10 ,000 of the credit card debt. She wants to talk to me about her progress. Okay, not our problem. To see if that might cause me to change my mind. It will not. I asked him, quote, so do you expect me to go to the wedding and talk to her? because I have her blocked everywhere. And date or not, I do not plan to say a single mumbling word to her.

42:24He said, quote, I fully expect she would lose it if y 'all do not talk at the wedding. I told him if that is the case, then for the good of my property, I can't have Leslie come. If she is so unstable that I need to be coerced into a conversation with her, she is too unsafe to be a guest in any capacity in my home. So I have told him, based on what he has told me, Leslie cannot come to my house or on my land. I'm willing to still have the wedding at my place, but I cannot trust Leslie won't do something given all that you're telling me. Dave lost it at this point. Did he now? He said, quote, fuck you and your shit.

43:03I don't need it. So I said, then the wedding is off. He left. So that is the state of things.

43:16Sorry, it's paused on her face. Thumbnail. Angela has the best reactions. She's so expressive. Yeah. How much is the debt? This is where I feel like I may be too nosy because I want to know, first of all, how much money does OP have? And second of all, how much debt does Leslie have? That was the sole reason for the breakup? A lot of debt. I think it's also got to be the line. Like, I don't know if you're with somebody for four years. Like, it's kind of from my take, maybe I'm misunderstanding. I feel like it's more of the fact that it's like you hid a part of you and that is that is a really big part of growing together and like having a family together or being a family together.

43:56And it's just it's like a mistrust thing. What do you think? Do you think? No. I think it's a debt thing. Go back to the That's Unfair episode and see my initial take. Damn it. I just want to go through them all. So the update. The update comes almost three months later. people have asked for an update now that the original date of the wedding has passed i do think it's appropriate in the weeks following the discussion with dave from my last update a number of our mutual friends reached out to me and asked if everything was okay i ignored those messages and went about living my life dave reached out to my grandparents my grandparents said that i need to talk to dave and figure this out i ignored them about a month after my last update dave's mom reached out.

44:41She said, OP, I hope you are doing well. Can I come and listen to you? I know a number of people want to tell you what they think, but I just want to hear from you. I will say as few or as many words as you want. If you do not want them, I completely understand. Her tone and tenor was different than everyone else, so I decided to meet up. We went on the back porch of my house. I told her everything. The breakup with Leslie, including why we broke up, getting the invitation with the plus one, the subsequent meeting with Dave and Kim rescinding the plus one because Leslie was upset, and then meeting up with Dave and everything discussed with him and my decision to say they cannot use my property for the wedding.

45:23After I explained everything, I was pretty upset. She asked, can I give you a hug? I said yes. She gave me a hug while I cried for a bit. She asked if there's anything I wanted to say to her. I asked her for her perspective on everything. She talked about how she did not really know about why Leslie and I broke up. She had heard rumors about me cheating and the like, but she didn't believe them. But she didn't know why we broke up because she thought we were happy and had a good relationship. She admitted she was upset by it because she was looking forward to coming to our future wedding. Dave and I having kids around the same age and those kids spending time together at her house like Dave and I used to do.

46:01But ultimately, she felt like it was not her place to say anything since I'm a grown man entitled to live my life how I see fit. She said Dave can be a jackass and was being one here. She told me Leslie's behavior was out of line, but she did deeply empathize with Leslie. Dave's mom told me things that I did not know about her breakup with a long-term boyfriend before she met Dave's dad and how for a year and a half she was an absolute wreck of a person. During that time, she said she did a lot of things she's not proud of and were out of character for her. She told me that she dreamed about a certain life she was going to have, and that dream was shattered.

46:38And for a year and a half, she would have done anything to get that dream back. So she cannot judge Leslie, but thinks Leslie needs therapy. We shot this shit for a bit, and then she left. For the next couple of weeks, I kept getting calls and texts about what is going on from various people involved. I decided to just, in a rather factual way, lay everything out. I drafted a mass text message and laid out exactly why the wedding was not happening at my home. I went through everything I'd shared with Dave's mom. I also sent an email. I let it be known that if anyone showed up to my house on the original wedding date, I would call the police.

47:17After I sent the message and the email, a number of mutual acquaintances and friends apologized to me for how they contributed to the situation. Also, shit apparently hit the fan on the wedding. Dave had lied about our conversation to Kim. He apparently told her he begged and pleaded with me to let them have the wedding on my property. Dave reached out to me to apologize and see if I would be willing to talk. I told him I thought it was best that we do not talk for a while. A lot of people are mad at Leslie and her family is blaming her for the wedding situation. No one showed up to the house on the original day of the wedding.

47:55As far as I know, the wedding date is in limbo. Oh, shit. So they never got married at the end of all this. Oh, my God. Good. But hey, OP stood fast in their boundaries and that's a win. I mean, he was doing a massive favor. I feel like the least that could be done in response is let him have a plus one or like, literally, I don't know, just like do a little bit something. It's his house yeah i know i was thinking about like the farm where we had our wedding and it's just like imagine someone it could be one of you guys saying hey we would love to do that same thing we'd love to do what you guys did just feels right but don't bring it rather you guys not be yeah like that's almost kind of it's not far off of the equivalent we'd love to use your place and everything but can you just not show up because you have beef with some people morgan uh don't bring justin he's annoying me yeah yeah no it's crazy it's like this is my house and i'm doing you a massive favor and saving you tens of thousands of dollars and i can't have a plus one because you're more concerned about my ex's feelings right right weird you know and that's the thing is like it's it's really frustrating when people bend over backwards to appease the person who is the problem and makes it all the people who are accommodating and not the problem and easygoing and makes it their problem it's like actually so frustrating and that happens so often oh my god I'm like realizing this so much lately like the bigger person usually gets burned yeah because because people are like oh well they're easygoing they're not going to make my life hell if I make an inconvenience to them so I'm gonna make their life really inconvenient.

49:44They're so nice. Well the person who is a fucking train wreck just gets to run the show and yeah it's like we need to stop feeding into that and like we're all guilty of it like we all just like want to have moments where we're like let's just yeah I don't want to deal with it like sorry that this is inconvenient but like let's just try to get smoothly but like we need to stop feeding into that and just like be like nope. No more. I mean, that is the good guys finish last thing. It's like because you're the easier one to steamroll. Good women, too. Like, in general, not like. Doesn't that mean that, like, finish last as in, like, you're the one who gets the girl?

50:22Yeah. Oh, is that a positive statement? Yeah. No, no, no, no. It means the guy who's nice doesn't get the girl usually is the statement. Oh, I thought it was like, like, you're the last one there. Like, we're going to grow old together. Hey, rebrand. Rebrand. Rebrand. oh that was cute that's powerful it is it is though it's just good people easier people to deal with like you say they're the ones who will get trampled first because it's easy and then you don't need to deal with the chaos yeah the fucking problem that's making everyone yeah and what's crazy is time and time again weddings will expose whatever issues are going on within a group of people within a family.

51:06Everything comes to a head because you can stay far apart, but the wedding pulls everyone right to the same place. And finally there are stakes to the dynamics at play in the relationships going on. So it actually like people will hit their breaking point. Yeah. You know what else can really bring out emotions and chaos? Here comes a segue. She's getting so good at them. She's been good at them. Someone marrying a widower and feeling the need to compete with a ghost. Is this me? This is not you, but you have gotten one of those. Oh, this is me, isn't it? No. Oh, wait, what the hell? There's so many of them.

51:43You both have gotten, it's a common trope. It's a common thing we come across. This next one is also Angela. Very familiar face as you just saw her. And this one is titled, am I the asshole for ignoring my wife for throwing away my late wife's videotapes. Oh, this is worse than the one we had. I think we've all had one of these. Yeah. Actually, everyone here and Angela, of course. Yeah, no. Again, it pops up. I love this episode. Let's do it. So this is coming from AITAH, six days old, titled, Am I the asshole for ignoring my wife for throwing away my late wife's videotapes? I'm writing this because I don't know what to do.

52:27I have a daughter with my late wife, and her name is Eleanor. Her birthday is coming up in two weeks, and she's turning 18. Background. Me and my late wife, Chloe, had been dating since college. We got older and ended up getting married, and after our wedding, she shared news to me that she was pregnant. I was excited that we were expecting our first child. Since it was our first child, we bought a video camera and made little tapes and snippets of her whole pregnancy. Wholesome things such as us just joking around or having lunch or talking to our unborn child through the camera. We made a promise to only show Eleanor the tapes at her 18th birthday.

53:08Fast forward two years after her birth, Chloe passed away due to a drunk driver crashing into her car as she was coming home from her mother's house. I was devastated of her passing and went into a deep depression, and having to raise our two-year-old daughter by myself. My friends tried to get me to go out again and start back up dating, but every time I did, I felt like I was betraying her. Years later, when Eleanor was 13, I met Wendy. We met at a gathering for my sister's birthday, and we instantly hit it off. She didn't mind that I had a daughter because she had two kids herself and just went through a divorce.

53:46Two years after, we got married. Now, back to the present. Eleanor's 18th birthday is coming up, and I kept all of the tapes for me to show her. Mind you, her mother died when she was just two, so Eleanor doesn't remember her touch or her voice. I was excited to show her the tapes, and a week ago, I was talking to Wendy about it, and I noticed her expression going from happy to looking a bit uncomfortable. Wendy would always get uncomfortable when I talked about my late wife. I don't say things like, why can't you be like Chloe, or Chloe was only supposed to be my first love. but I talk about her in a way to give my daughter a mental picture of how her mother was.

54:24Wendy has always talked to me about Khloe and how it made her sad that she can never be like her. Khloe was a model, then started working on her fashion career, and don't get me wrong, she was a really beautiful woman, while Wendy had two kids in college and is not in the best shape. I love both women how they are, and I've never had a preference, but I feel like Wendy is gaining some jealousy towards Khloe. I told Wendy that I love her just the way she is, and she broke down crying. The next day after that incident, she came up to me and apologized for the way she acted last night. I told her it was okay, and it's good that she felt comfortable enough to share her feelings.

55:03I gave her a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. She asked to see where the tapes were at, and I showed her the box of videotapes of my late wife in the closet. Things were going fine until yesterday morning. I was looking for the tapes because I wanted to put them in a prettier box for my daughter, and when I went to go find them, the box wasn't in my closet. I looked everywhere to the point I walked downstairs to see my wife laying on the couch watching TV. I asked her about the box, and she told me she threw it away, all with a neutral expression. My heart dropped, and I asked her what did she mean.

55:43And she told me that I talk about her too much and that I need to move on with my life. So she threw them away as a head start. I was fuming with anger because not only she threw away what I had left of her, she threw away my daughter's big surprise. We quickly got into an argument and she noticed how angry I was. So she started apologizing. It got to the point I started crying and locked myself in our bedroom. It's the morning and I'm writing this in my office, going through my computer, trying to find old files or any type of video of my late wife to give it to my daughter because sometimes my daughter still cries that she never got to meet her mother and I really thought it would bring her closer to her.

56:27I've been ignoring my wife for the past day and she's been texting me non-stop about how sorry she is, but I really just can't even look at her right now. It's getting to the point our mutual friends are texting me to accept her apology and get over it since Chloe died over 10 years ago. But I'm trying to ignore them all because they never had someone so close to them die. I'm working on finding these files and I'm starting to think I was overreacting. I don't know what to do and I really need help. and then here's the first update we got i like need to process i'm so pissed small update coming from five days ago i didn't expect this blow up i came here to look for general advice now i have a thousand people in my dms i'm going to be answering questions and i'm getting about them the most i was thinking about asking wendy about the tapes and where she threw them out but i saw a comment that told me to not ask her because it might give her some time to hide it or lie instead when i went back home i checked in the outside trash cans and the kitchen one and i still couldn't find them.

57:28Trash day isn't until Thursday, so I was confused. I finally went up to ask her, and at first she wasn't going to tell me. I threatened with divorce, like one of you guys said, and she gave in. It turns out she kept the videotapes in her car until trash day arrived because she knew I would look through the trash. Shut the fuck up. So now I have the tapes. Thank God. Thank God. Another question asked was, did Eleanor know about the tapes? No, I didn't want to ruin the surprise until if I'd known that I had a backup. She didn't know about them now, and I'm not planning on telling her until her birthday.

58:05The only problem is that I'm afraid that Wendy might tell her. One more question is people are asking if I'm considering divorce. Wendy never did anything like this before, and I don't want to ruin a six-year relationship. But at the same time, I really do think she needs some type of help. I'm considering asking her to go to therapy, and I'm really considering our relationship. Wendy is really good with my daughter, and my daughter loves her and her children like family. I think Wendy is just trying to take Chloe's place with being Eleanor's mother. I'm really starting to think she has issues.

58:38Starting? That was so innocent. Starting? A lot of people also said that if I don't divorce her, I will betray my daughter. My daughter is my number one, and I think I should find someone better that can respect not only me, but my daughter and her mother. Yeah. Yeah. At least he got the tapes. I'm so happy. Like this one was actually going to keep me up at night if he didn't get those tapes back. Yeah. How do you come back from that? I just don't know if you ever could. I don't. I mean, it's is there any bigger betrayal of trust? I would rather someone cheat than that. Yeah. Actually. Yeah. His daughter.

59:21Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's why it's so pivotal. Infuriating. Imagine the daughter ever found that out. Like later on in life too. That my mom left me those tapes. Yeah, and she never got to see them. Yeah. Just scary. Well, and the way that she was like hiding them in her car, knowing that OP would look before trash day, and she was going to make extra certain that those tapes got tossed. I don't know why she didn't drive them out to some public garbage. That's what I was expecting when they weren't at home. Thank God she didn't. I did not think they'd be in the car, but still. She's acting like he's an addict.

59:56Like, I have to get this out of his life because he can't handle it. It's like, no, that's actually not what's happening. And it's also not your decision to make. Just give me a jump start. Projecting. That's the thing is like, I don't think it's crazy that people get really jealous of somebody who they didn't want to leave. They didn't break up because they wanted to leave. Like this is heartbroken. Like he'll always have love for this person. I don't think it's crazy that people get jealous. She's idealized as well forever. Right, exactly. But like then don't don't get in a relationship with somebody if you can't handle that.

1:00:29Like you have to really do some like self-talk and be like, can I handle the fact that there's always going to be this person who means a lot to them and their daughter? And if if the answer is no, don't try to make it work. Get out of there. It's not fair to everyone. Bingo. So we do get, obviously, another update. It's been a month now. things have been definitely dot dot dot changing for anyone wondering Eleanor's birthday went great especially without Wendy there to ruin it basically what happened was Wendy found my post and went crazy about it she started accusing me of trying to ruin her life over something so little and the way she only found out because her older sister saw the story on TikTok talk.

1:01:18Hi. We got into an argument and she tried to gaslight me into being the crazy one and threatened me to leave and take all I own and whatever else she said. She then proceeded to go into our room and start tearing things down, trying to look for the tapes again. Oh my God. I pulled her wrist trying to get her to calm down, but she took it as an opportunity to start breaking down crying saying that I hit her, which I backed off and I just watched her as she tried to throw things at me. And now I reached my breaking point because it's the day of my daughter's birthday and I had little time to get to dinner because we had reservations.

1:01:59I was already ready and I had to go pick Eleanor up from a friend's house. So I grabbed my keys and left her there, not having time for her to act like a child. And by the way, the tapes were my mother's house as we were all going to go there after dinner. Thank God. The night went great after that and me and Eleanor came home to a messy house with furniture and pictures torn up. It looked like a bunch of three-year-olds went wild in there. Wendy and her children weren't anywhere to be found. Neither was her car. I already assumed it was Wendy that did all of this. Plus I had proof because I keep security cameras in the house.

1:02:37I tell Eleanor about everything that went down before her birthday and she was shocked at least to know that the woman she thought was an angel was actually a bitch long story short we call the cops wendy gets arrested she gets out after two days now i'm almost done with the divorce process also wendy if you're reading this have fun living at your mother's house and having a criminal record i hope it was worth it oh yeah Oh, my God. I can't believe, I really can't believe we ended up there from the first update where he's like, she's never done anything like this. I was so shocked by it. I think she maybe just needs therapy.

1:03:16Like, for that to end up this way and for her to snap like that. Yeah. That's crazy. That's always how I feel with these. Whatever the equivalent was for the one we did, it's the one word that comes to mind is scary. It just scares me that someone can hide that about themselves. Yeah. And then, you know, cracks, but then it just. Yeah. Because this is after a while. Yeah. Six years, I think. Six year relationship. Can you imagine? Oh, my God. Crazy. I'm like, I'm really paranoid about even people that are very, very nice. Like if relationships coming to an end and losing your job, those are moments and people that like scary sides of them can come out.

1:04:01Yeah. And so it's like she may never have had it in her before to like rip everything up and tear everything up. But like now that her relationship's crumbling, like it's you see that you see it on full blast. This other side. I and the thing that also I want to say about these, the moral of these stories for me is people are crazy. You can't control them. What you can control is if you have sensitive items, files, hard drives, anything. make sure you know where they are right now because if there's a fire you know that kind of thing but if you have a hard drive and there's special stuff on it back it up right now go buy another hard drive it's expensive but way less expensive than the pain of losing all that so it just it's always a reality check for me yeah like back your stuff up make sure your sentimental items are safe and yeah good moral of the story yeah it could literally be like somebody who is a genuinely good person that just has a really bad moment and throws something away and destroys something of yours that's so meaningful so i agree with you like back it up back it up safe yes back it up okay moving on to number five for us here this is coming from the pudding i love you and family episode ily putting ily and family you were on it that was a different lauren It is titled, I caught my husband with his best friend, but I won't tell them I know.

1:05:34Ooh. Wait, what year was it? We know. The Pudding I Love You. I was just curious what Lauren it was. I don't remember that title at all. She's old. It is from November 24th, 2022. Oh my God. Four years ago. That's four years ago? That's four years ago. Oh my god Oh it was only last year So it was a different Lauren 2026 Lauren now Okay let's see what you said back then What you thought Another one from True Off My Chest I caught my husband with his best friend But I won't tell them I know My husband, male 28, is wealthy And he is providing me, female 30 A great life while I'm studying I would never have afforded it otherwise As a matter of fact I was a barista before I met him and didn't even dare dreaming about starting college.

1:06:26Now I'm in engineering school. He pays for everything. We have a great house. I don't need to do anything but study and have fun. His best friend, female 27, from college separated from her common law husband after he cheated on her. She had no place to go and we have a guest house. I never had anything to worry about with them because they have known each other for ages. I always thought if they wanted, it would have happened already. I was mistaken. I started having a hunch because of nothing in particular, just felt that they changed with each other. So I snuck on them after pretending to go to my mom's.

1:07:03Nobody knows that I know. I couldn't let him touch me for two months, blaming it on stress from school starting. Now we do have sex because I don't want him to suspect me or get tired of me. I cried the first time he touched me after I found out and wanted to vomit, but I blamed it on stress. Now I just let him. I try to think about other things and try to convince myself that it's just sex. I fake it sometimes when he notices me being absent-minded and start saying, quote, baby, come back to me. I'm in a race with time to finish school before he throws me aside for her. I also had an IUD put in without telling him.

1:07:40Nobody knows, not even my closest friends. Everyone thinks I'm the luckiest woman on earth, so loved and cherished by an amazing, successful husband. nobody knows that I cry myself to sleep every night oh my god wow so OP responds and goes yes he still calls me baby tells me love you every morning when I go to college and he's off to work texts me I miss you from his morning meeting calls during lunch and texts what I want for dinner before coming home like nothing has changed I can't believe how he can be so two-faced someone asks, is she still in the guest house? And OP goes, yes. I don't think she's going to leave anytime soon.

1:08:21She's talking about getting back with her husband if he proposed. Oh my god. You were bewildered by this one. I'm scared that I don't remember any of this. She's bewildered again. Bewildered again. But we do get an update. Hi everyone. I'm overwhelmed by the people who reached out to me and thank you for all the advice. I might have done something very petty last Tuesday, and I still don't know how to feel about what I did and what good it did. Actually, no good at all. But I think the comments here triggered something inside of me that told me to stop hiding. I will have to wait and see if I blew up my future.

1:09:02God, I hope I did not. As I said before, maybe not in the post, but in the comments, that my husband's friend was trying to reconcile with her husband. She invited him for dinner in her guest house, and after dinner they asked if they could join us for wine, and my husband was happy to invite them. They stayed for about two hours, and I had a lot to drink, and I wasn't talking a lot. When they came to the subject of reconciliation, I don't know what came over me, but I just mumbled, quote, Good. I'm happy you two are getting back together, so she stops fucking my husband. Yes. it didn't go well afterwards my husband looked at me in shock and I asked him if he thought I didn't know I've known for months the friend's husband kept asking is this true are you serious I can't believe you my husband started crying and the friend started shouting you bitch and apologizing to her husband when her husband left in anger she rounded on me to yell at me some more I told my husband that I was going to bed and when I wake up tomorrow, I want her to be gone or I'm gone.

1:10:09And then I left them in the kitchen. I heard them yelling. Yesterday, she was gone. My husband wanted to talk and explain that it was nothing. He never meant to hurt me. He was so stupid not connecting the dots when my mental health was deteriorating. She meant nothing and he regrets it. He told me that he wanted to make it up to me and start couples therapy because we love each other and we can overcome this with some help. So now he thinks we are going to work on our marriage. I don't know when he is going to call my bluff or what happens when his friend is officially single. I heard that her husband has asked for separation of assets.

1:10:45I hope I didn't ruin everything because of one drunken mistake. What? Wait, I'm confused. I feel like that last sentence is a different vibe than the rest of the... It kind of was. I think she's in this point, and we talked about it a lot in the original episode, of like it's kind of this weird problem of like she's faking this relationship now going forward to get that means to an end which is her schooling paid for that's right this is now coming back to her plan was like I'm gonna suck it up I'm gonna ignore whatever he does and then I'm gonna get through school have him pay for it yes and I'm gonna be done but I'm not some horrible person because at the end of the day like I will actually like once I start making my own money I'll pay him back for school like I'll pay him back like I'm I'm a good person I don't think it would make her a horrible person either way no so she is now in this position though she's just like I hope me blowing up doesn't you know end with us in divorce and then I can't afford school interesting yeah I do have been real satisfying in the moment though I know I've been that vote as hell just like to put under your breath yeah well and you've been holding it in for so long to finally just say it and what a moment to wait for.

1:11:58Yeah. It was a good like drop too. I would love to have been there. I'm so glad because then she can stop fucking my husband. And then it just like, it's literally like setting a fire and then just kind of like walking away and watching it burn. Did I do that? It's amazing because her guy was there too. So it's like all of a sudden you just see the three of them just like scrambling. Yeah, you literally just want to like Homer Simpson into the bush out of the room. Like just want to be a fly on the wall. You guys do your thing here. That makes sense though because I think if she had wanted to fix it, she probably would have brought it to him immediately and been like, hey, what the hell's going on?

1:12:34Can we fix this? But she's more like, this is over for me, but I don't want to be fucked and not be able to finish school. So, whatever. I think I remember being like, I respect the hustle. Like, he screwed you over and so you might as well get your you know your education and he wasted your time waste some of his whatever yeah screw it it's therapist advice post uh is four years old now well no updates since but you know we're getting the word out so maybe maybe she'll come back around hey she's graduated four years i mean that's the perfect amount of time congratulations iconically four years yeah exactly but okay on to this next one.

1:13:21This is a doozy and I read the update and I was screaming. Oh no. So this is coming from the odd layers episode featuring the basement yard boys. It is titled, my fiance is a homicide detective and I'm starting to feel like he treats me more like a suspect than a partner. Oh no. Oh, that is unique. I'm excited. Coming from r slash relationship advice. Nice. Titled, My, 32 female, fiancé, 37 male, is a homicide detective. And I'm starting to feel like he treats me more like a suspect than a partner. My fiancé and I have been together for almost four years. He's a homicide detective. My friends immediately started side-eyeing me.

1:14:11They said, don't date a cop. It's not worth it. They're all bad, etc. None of them have ever actually dated a cop. So I found their opinions more annoying than anything else. I just felt like they were basing their judgment off of a stereotype. My mom said similar things, but she dated a cop who was a former military guy with PTSD like 49 years ago and based everything off of that. Lately though, a few things have started to bother me. I don't know if it's just that these incidents seem to be more frequent or if I was just willfully blind to it before. I'm just bothered by these things now. He records our arguments.

1:14:48I've known about that for a while. He told me it was, quote, to make sure we remember things correctly and communicate better. And I believed him at first. I didn't like it, and I thought it was petty and stupid. I asked him if he saved the recordings, and he said he deletes them once the argument was resolved. I have since found a folder on his computer labeled with dates and times, and their recordings of arguments or other conversations we've had going back over a year. He notices tiny changes in my behavior and asks questions in a way that feels more like an interrogation than concern. I also recently discovered he's done background checks on some of my friends and co-workers.

1:15:32Sometimes his phone buzzes and he steps out for hours without explanation, but he just says he's handling work stuff whenever I ask. He makes cryptic comments like, quote, you know I only trust what I can verify. Or, quote, I like to know everything that might matter when it comes to things just between us even, not strictly talking about work. And then he laughs it off, but the words stick. It's hard to tell when he's joking and when he's serious. I love him, but it's sometimes I feel like he's treating me like I'm some sort of suspect. He doesn't seem to trust anyone, including me. Every little disagreement feels like it could be evidence.

1:16:14Recently, he's made some comments related to having kids, about having a tracker on them at all times. He said he'll never let his kids spend the night at somebody else's house, and that he'll do background checks on every parent of our kids' friends and teachers. I feel like those sort of comments are becoming more frequent, and it's just escalating. How do I handle this with him? How do I discuss this in a way that won't jump into a dumb argument that he inevitably records for no good reason? I honestly don't know how to bring this up to him. I've considered telling him he needs therapy because he cannot continue to live life so suspicious and paranoid about everything and everyone.

1:16:52I'm pretty sure he'll refuse that. Boy. So we get an update on this one. Oh, boy. I mean, we've been getting updates the whole time. How much worse can it get? It can get worse, right? He killed her. Don't do that. I think a good starting point would be for me to admit that I do believe my fiance is a good man. He's not cruel. He's not aggressive or violent. And he believes with all of his heart that he's right most of the time. Of course, I realize a lot of people were pretty negative in their comments towards me in response to my original post. And a part of me wants to thank you all for your concern.

1:17:25But another part of me wonders if part of this negative response is simply because of the nature of his job. After sitting on all of this for a few days, I decided I couldn't put off this conversation anymore. I told him that we have to talk and this isn't about winning an argument. I began with the recordings. I told him I knew he had been stockpiling arguments with our friends going all the way back a year ago and how it makes me feel violated and threatened. He did not deny this. He explained to me why he holds them in case things ever get twisted and for protecting himself. To hear my fiancé speak of our relationship in a way that implies he considers our life a potential lawsuit threatened me.

1:18:10When I mentioned this style of questioning me and observing small shifts in my behavior, he explained that this is simply how his brain works and that given all he's observed in his work, he simply can't shut it off. He explained to me that pointing out details doesn't mean that he believes I'm doing anything incorrect. It's simply that he likes to verify rather than assume. He told me most detectives' girlfriends simply get used to it, leaving me to wonder if this is a common fact or simply a defense people make when they're in fact engaging in poor behavior. The background checks on my friends and colleagues escalated into a bigger problem.

1:18:44He confessed to doing them and stated definitely he would do the same on people in relation to our future kids. He did not think it was an invasion of privacy, but rather just being informed. The talk of children was most sobering. He doubled down on trackers, no sleepovers, and careful screening of every adult in their life. When I called this controlling, he said, healthy doesn't matter if they're safe. That phrase stuck in my head since. I asked him if he trusted me. He paused for a very long time before answering me. He finally said that he trusts me as much as he trusts anyone else. I think he did not realize how unnerving that answer was.

1:19:23I just want to know where his limits are. I asked him what would happen if we broke up. He said he would never do anything illegal, but that he thinks a man must take care of himself all the time. What's that supposed to even mean? I've asked for some space and I'm currently staying with family. He didn't appear angry, and I really thought he would get an attitude about it and accuse me of being dramatic. He acted very coldly and matter-of-fact about it. While I am not putting an end to our engagement just yet, I'm definitely considering everything. As much as I love him and think he genuinely wants to do good in our relationship, I don't want a life where I am observed, recorded, and assessed rather than being in a relationship where I have someone's support.

1:20:02It's like, I don't blame this guy for operating this way because it's like, it's such heavy stuff. How do you go and turn it off? It sounds like PTSD with the children stuff. Like the tracker and the no sleepovers especially. It's not far-fetched. No. Like, it's crazy. I get it on a baseline. But coming from the context, it's like, it's not far. I'm not shocked. Right. Right. But then to say. But it's not okay. Well, correct. No, I agree. But like, yeah. Get used to it. No. And I trust you as much as anyone else. Like, no. That line. It should be very. That's the main thing, I think, is that there's a difference between me and the guys that are perps, I guess.

1:20:45I don't know. He's like, you are a suspect too. Yeah. It's giving Jack from Meet the Parents the circle of trust. Oh, yeah. And he has things on everyone. Yeah. I don't blame him for it being really hard to turn off. He needs to go to some trauma-informed counseling. But you got to do something. You can't run your relationship, personal life like that and have it be healthy. Where do you guys think this update's going to go? I mean... He thinks she committed some murder. No. He either goes to counseling or it gets worse, I feel. Okay. I think it gets worse. So the update is coming five months from her last post.

1:21:27So original post, November 7th, 2025. And the last update that we have, May 8th, 2026. Whoa. So just a couple months ago. Wow. About six months ago, I posted here because I felt like my fiance treated me more like a suspect than a partner because of how much his job affected him. We got married in mid-April as planned. So he's my husband now. Sometime in January, I finally told him very directly that things could not continue the way they were. I told him he needed to either seriously address how much his job was affecting him or reconsider the kind of work he was doing. I actually took my engagement ring off and gave it back to him and said I wouldn't put it back on until he figured out what he was going to do.

1:22:11It wasn't a screaming fight or a dramatic scene or anything like that. I was calm. He wasn't calm at first, but eventually we had a real conversation where he admitted he didn't actually like living this way. He admitted he felt constantly worried something bad is going to happen to the people he loves, and he was depressed and anxious all the time, and he knew it was affecting him too. He decided to start therapy in February and has been going consistently every week ever since. He's doing the assignments and homework they give him and putting in effort. I genuinely started seeing a difference in him.

1:22:44He seemed lighter, in a better mood, more positive about things. I really thought we were getting better. Yeah, where's the butt? Yeah, we're squinting at you. Yeah. I found out that I was pregnant a week before our wedding. It was very early as I took a test within a few days of missing my period. Pregnancy wasn't exactly as planned to happen right now, but it also wasn't a huge accident. We had planned to casually start trying as soon as we were married by just no longer using any forms of birth control or prevention and seeing what naturally happened. So I stopped taking birth control a few months before our wedding since I've known several women who have had trouble getting pregnant immediately after going off birth control.

1:23:28I just wanted to give my body some time to regulate itself. We were both in agreement on this and planned to use condoms for a few months before the wedding. It turns out I'm, one, not one of those women who needs a break from birth control before successfully conceiving. And two, we don't really like the feel of condoms and we both enjoyed the risk of what could happen a little too much. So we ended up forgoing the condom half the time. I would have preferred for it to happen after we were married, but I was still elated about it. When I told him, he was incredibly happy. His reaction was great.

1:23:59He smiled nonstop for days. He was excited, affectionate, supportive, talked about our future. I'm only nine weeks pregnant now. The pregnancy is very early. I found out when I was five weeks. I just had my first appointment yesterday. Our honeymoon was only a week long. I wish it could have been longer, but just not really good timing for my job right now. He was so positive about the pregnancy and having a baby during that week. There was no talk about being paranoid about our future child's safety. No worries. None of that stuff about tracking our kids that he had mentioned before. He seemed more relaxed about it than me, whereas I had started to worry about every little thing.

1:24:38He was the one having to make me relax and not worry about it. Now that the wedding and honeymoon are over and we're back to real life, he seems to be having reservations about having a kid now.

1:24:53He says he got back to work and started thinking about all the things he's seen involving children, and he remembers why he had previously decided that he didn't want kids. He's back to saying he's sorry, but he will be tracking our child at all times. They will not go over to friends' houses, and if they are allowed, it will not be overnight and only after he's fully vetted them. He doesn't know how he'll trust anyone around our child, that he doesn't even think daycare is a good idea, and that daycare staff can't be trusted, and so on and so on. He said he doesn't know if he can do this and that if we feel two totally different ways about all of this stuff, that maybe we shouldn't have this baby right now.

1:25:34That last comment absolutely devastated me because this pregnancy is very wanted by me. And up until recently, I truly believed it was wanted by him too. I don't think he's saying these things because he doesn't love the baby already. I think he's terrified. I think his job has shown him the absolute worst things that can happen to children. And now he's panicking about becoming a father. I just don't know where the line is between understandable fear and anxiety and behavior that could become unhealthy for both me and our child long-term. I don't know what more to require of him though. He's going to weekly therapy sessions.

1:26:11I'm sure he'll be talking about this, but what if it doesn't help? How do I support someone who is genuinely trying and in therapy while also protecting myself and my future child from becoming consumed by his fears. Justin was so right with this being like, meet the parents, dad. I mean, he's got some secret lab somewhere with all the stuff. Honestly, he's giving Dexter, and I don't know why. I'm not an expert on, you know, people in this line of work, but I feel like this, even his mindset about it can't be good for his work because he's so paranoid. He's so biased, too. Yeah, and negatively biased that I'm like, I don't even know if in a work sense this is healthy for him.

1:26:53I think you got to take the desk job, my guy. Yeah, it's affecting him too much. Out of this detective work because this is just, it's psychologically torturing him at this point. It's tricky because there's no guarantee. I mean, you have to go off of what we've seen. We've seen that, yeah, improvement can be made, but it all collapses very easily. we have to assume that's what's going to happen going forward well did he say it was like he then he went back to work like after the improvement was made then he went back to work and got paranoid again yeah yeah it sounds like he was good during the wedding yeah the honeymoon it was kind of like a detox for him right who isn't having a good time maybe on a beach honeymoon it's like you forget about all that crazy stuff but to me i'm just like why like why are you being so risky why not just like get married and then make sure you guys are good after having this huge conflict of like I don't know I'm writing in a reddit because my partner and I'm thinking about calling off the wedding is treating me like I'm a suspect it's it's just kind of crazy and a lot of people talk about it on the the now best of redditor updates post on it people are like at the bottom of the post someone adds what we are all thinking you posted in November about how abusive your husband was and yet you still decided to actively have a baby with him and then there's a top comment on the best of redditor updates post wisdom was chasing op but she was unfortunately doing usain bolt numbers i think that's kind of mean but i yeah i'm not really like you're not you're not on the same side no i mean oh i get where they're coming from but like i also just think it's more complicated than that and very nuanced of course and when i hear her write-in it's like she's still in love with him and she still thinks he's a good person.

1:28:44Yeah. She still wants to build a life with him. She's not like he's an abusive psychopath who is like trying to hurt me. She's like he has problems that are affecting me, but he's a good person. So it's like not crazy that this. No, I think it's obnoxious for a stranger to be like, why aren't you being objective and logical about this person you're in love with? Like, of course you can. Of course you can. But come on. The thing is, unfortunately, the worlds are not separate anymore. You can't focus on working on your relationship and simultaneously separate having a child together. So now the reality is we're not debating whether or not we're having this child.

1:29:26Now it shifts to whether or not this is the person I want to raise this child with going forward. It becomes a relationship issue all of a sudden. And I don't blame her for getting there. No. Because you know what it's like to be in something. Everyone outside has all their opinions, but they'll never understand it from you. So you can only make your best choice for yourself at that time. And you know what? It didn't turn out the way you wanted. So it's like going to be one of the hardest things, but you just need to decide now. Baby's coming. Are we going to do it with him or? By myself. Yeah.

1:30:03We don't have any updates beyond this. Last update, obviously, coming three months ago when she was nine weeks pregnant. Yeah. I kind of feel like we might get another. I think we will. I have, like, a feeling that there will be another update for her. I 100 % think we will after the baby's born. I mean, she's, what, like, second trimester right now? Mm-hmm. Like, but you know what's interesting? About to be the third or is the third? I'm bad at math. I don't know. Sorry. I can't stop thinking about this, but I'm like, this is actually going to be really, dare I say, good for him if they separate because he's going to have to be forced to have joint custody and let go of that control.

1:30:44Yeah, that's true. Or he goes full on crazy mode and is spying on them and then he has to go to jail and then he will be forced to confront that and work on it. Like, I think that like if they do separate, like he's going to have to like shake it out of him. It's scary again. It is, especially with someone like him who does have resources, like access to the flock cameras. Oh, God. There's multiple police right now that are being let go or charged because they've been stalking women on flock cameras. I don't want to know any of this. They don't even have to put a reason in for why they're wanting access to the cameras.

1:31:20It's like we need to like really restrict stuff right now. They can put no reason and still like. Yeah. There was one I saw this guy like tracked a woman across like 83 ,000 different flock cameras because she was crossing state lines for an abortion. Oh, I saw that. And it's just it's we need like I get safety, but there's got to be restrictions on this. Like this is just so terrifying. But that's a fucking side note. That's a that's a whole nother story that we'll get up there. If there's an Amber Alert, you can go on my camera. Anything else, maybe not. Right, right. That's how I feel. A purple alert for the seniors?

1:32:01Yeah, sure. Yeah. Or just like be a good person. If you're going to be trying to be a good person, help the people. Be good people. I want to trust everyone. It sucks that there's bad apples in the places that we go to trust. Yeah. You know what they say about a bad apple? It doesn't fall far from the tree. They do say that about it too. What do they say about it? We'll get there someday. Horses love them. That too.

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1:33:38Go to revolve.com slash THT to shop our faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com slash THT. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. Okay, the next one might sound familiar. It's coming from our Step on a Rake episode. It is titled, My 27 Female. roommate 25 non-binary keeps masturbating with their door open you're lying we got an update for this one so remember how i messaged yes yes she dm'd me back on reddit yeah yeah oh my god hi thank you for checking yes i'm okay and i worked it out with them i was going to update soon but I have a lot going on.

1:34:39It turns out they really didn't know they were being so loud and I'm inclined to believe them. What? They were really apologetic and embarrassed. They never made me uncomfortable in any other way before and are usually very respectful so I truly don't think they were doing it maliciously now that I've talked with them. And let's play the original story now and let's with that in mind. Let's see what we think about this update.

1:35:13Lauren's scared. You guys are like, what? It just, it brought me back to like days where I had a college roommate who I was like, bad news bears. Tone it down. Slow out. This one is coming from r slash relationship advice titled My 27 Female roommate, 25, non-binary, keeps masturbating with their door open. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We share a very small apartment. I moved in around a year and a half ago after they posted the listing online, and we didn't know each other beforehand. We mostly keep to ourselves as much as two people can in a very small space. The issues started happening that I noticed maybe five or six months ago while I was sitting in the living room, maybe 15 feet away from their open bedroom door, and they were moaning very loudly like it was obvious.

1:36:12And I just froze because I didn't know what to do. Like they obviously knew their door was open and they were making noise. I felt like either they must be obtuse, they aren't, or they're doing it on purpose. They even tried to talk to me after, and I brushed them off. I texted my boyfriend to come and get me because I was uncomfortable, and I went to stay with him for the night. Since then, it's happened at least six more times. Most of these times, I texted my boyfriend to go stay at his house, but he's out of town this weekend. They just did it again, louder than ever before, when I'm in my bedroom directly next to them.

1:36:54I don't know what to do. It feels like harassment at this point because how could they not know what they're doing? But I'm stuck in the lease and I can't afford to move anyways. I don't even know how I can bring this up with them because one, it's awkward as hell. Two, what if somehow they don't know they're doing it so loudly and telling them makes them uncomfortable or resentful? I'm not sure how to go about it in the most respectful way three they've yelled at me for eavesdropping before when I heard what show they were watching in their room as I was in the kitchen and said that I liked it and I don't want them to yell at me again even though I can't fucking help having ears and four if they are doing it on purpose then what I'm stuck here and don't know what to do at that point so my question is how how can I go about handling this in a safe way so I can feel comfortable in my own house while keeping the peace and having it be the least awkward as possible?

1:37:59What the hell? Yeah, I remember how I felt listening to this and us being like, there's no way. It's hard to believe that they don't know. But I feel like then my inclination was also still try talking to them unless this is the scary situation where it is on purpose. Yeah. Because I do think that there can be this, this like fog that comes over you of like, I'm in my room, like nobody. But the doors are open, right? That's what gets me. I don't know. It felt to me like exhibitionism. Yeah. Where it was just like, me too. And then now that they're confronted, okay, sorry, didn't know. I won't do that anymore but like it felt like you gotta know like if your roommate is in the living room watching TV and your door's open and you're just flicking the bean or jerking it like you gotta like you know shut the window close the blinds shut the laptop so you don't have the computer camera like just you gotta like paranoid oh you leave the door open like no that's the easiest step that's the first if I masturbated in college or like in a place with roommates door was shut tv cranked up loud because no one's hearing the buzz of my batteries of course like we're giving me some noise yeah like no that's just the base it's just a low vibrating hum that's the base of the show I'm watching yeah I don't know I'm like I don't want to not trust OP's instincts on the the conversation went they seem very sure and it does sound like a happy ending yeah but really i know oh god i mean do people in hotels have this same fog that you speak of you think that they're just so in it that no one could possibly hear them they're in their own house with hundreds of acres around them of no one else no i but i do think yeah i think they'd get off on it too i think I think it's easy to get into that mindset.

1:40:09Oh, God, am I getting in trouble here? Of like, oh, wait, someone could hear me. Uh-oh. But then you're like, I don't know. I'm sorry. Never. Let's go past it. Let's go past it. Wait, you didn't say anything wrong. I actually don't know what you said. I'm just saying that, like, I could see why someone in that moment could be like, oh, someone might hear me. That's kind of a little hot. Yeah. Sure, sure. Wait, why don't be bad? I thought that's the whole thing that we were talking about. Well, because it's non-consensual, I guess. I don't have that. Yeah. I'm shy. That part's bad. But like. What's that little thing that people used to do?

1:40:42But it's okay. Everyone hears things from time. It's not that crazy. Okay, I'm going to put this out there. I get it's sexual, okay? It's sexual and that is definitely different. Yeah. But how different in reality is it from someone coming and sitting in the stall next to you and just blowing it the fuck up and not giving a shit? I heard that guys do that recently. On purpose? They don't care. Oh, don't care. They just don't care. They're like, let me show them. I feel like that doesn't happen Do you guys know the lengths I will go to to not have explosive Poop sounds I couldn't tell you That's crazy We've talked about sometimes if you're in the stall And you don't want to have that Gas fart when you start going to the bathroom You pull your butt cheeks apart That's not where we're going We've talked about that before You told me that the only reason That farts make sounds this because our butt cheeks are together.

1:41:37We didn't talk about explosive poops. I'm talking about like if you sit on the toilet and you're like even if you're just gonna pee you know how sometimes you'll just toot a little? If you pull your you know just a little spread you won't do that. I didn't know that that was a okay this is making sense. I think I missed the. Yeah and then if you feel like you're gonna have a bad tummy if you take a big wad of toilet paper and just kind of hold it by your back door that helps damper the sound. Wow, you're really making sure. You've got paranoid in a public bathroom. She's hid her farts from everyone for so long, so she knows all of them.

1:42:17You guys just talked about this because I just edited that episode. Yeah, it's so funny. Well, you've been hearing them though. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I still feel conflicted on this one. I think I want to believe this positive ending for it. it's hard to believe that there was no idea but it's possible and if it just moves smoothly from now on I guess it's like alright that was a thing that happened in the past but yeah but if it happens again I think then they know for sure no the door was left open it was on purpose and I think that they just are like oh shit I'm gonna do this until somebody gets mad about it they might have thought the other person was into it too yeah they were like having this in their head double sided relationship about the masturbation Stand inside the doorway, listen from there.

1:43:04Maybe. Listen and watch. Woo, gay. We're moving on to number eight here. This is a vintage one. It feels vintage. It's not that old. I'm wearing the same shirt. I was also wearing a similar one. Not that old. It's from April 10th, 2025. So this is a story that I thought about constantly after we read it. And it is titled, Hair stylist has been taking slash keeping my hair. Love. Sat. I completely forgot about that. I kept that story there. This is coming from True Off My Chest, titled, Hairstylist Has Been Taking Slash Keeping My Hair. I'm weirded out. I'm going to be vague because obvious reasons.

1:44:02I'm 30s female and my stylist is 40s. I got my haircut today at a stylist I've been using for about nine months now. I think this is my sixth appointment with them. I usually do a trim or cut and style. Today, I went from long hair, high lower back to an A-line bob. Again, since I started seeing this person, I usually get current style or maintenance and trims. This time was a dramatic length adjustment, so they took a picture of the cut length on the floor to add to their social media, then intending to add before and after of ours too. That's all totally fine and normal. They go grab a broom, sweep up the hair, and place the dustpan on the counter for a bit.

1:44:49Again, normal. They grab the broom and pan and head to the back of the shop. They're gone a few minutes. No biggie. Then they go out to smoke. But here's where it gets weird. The bathroom is in the back of the shop too. I need to go and I step into the back. I go and I start to head back out. But I notice my name on a small, clear tote on the table. It has no lid. and it has my hair in it. At first, I didn't really think much of it, but I looked closer and see it's not just today's discarded hair, but looks like at least a few of my trim sessions mixed with, it looks like potpourri and a little sand or something and printed pictures of the cut hair with dates.

1:45:41Oh no. Ooh, I don't like that. The printer is sitting right next to it with today's discarded hair pick in the tray. There didn't seem to be any other containers like this when I looked around. It was fucking weird. So I took a picture on my phone. I honestly didn't know what to think or do and went back out into the salon. They came back in and I mentioned that I went to the restroom and they seemed to freak out a little bit, but didn't mention it. I didn't really know what to say, so I just let them finish styling my hair, paid, and left. As a socially anxious introvert, this was my nightmare.

1:46:21I got home and the more I looked at the picture, the more ick I got. I ended up texting them an hour ago, sending the picture, and requesting they remove the weird box of me and asking for an explanation. I said, quote, hey, so I saw this and didn't know what to make of it. Can you help me understand what this is and why you have it? I'm not comfortable with you having this and request you please discard the contents. Also, even though I loved my cut, I believe it's best if I find a different stylist. They haven't responded. LOL. What the fuck?

1:47:00What? Why'd you have to put it all out there? You should have. We need answers. You should have been more sneaky about it lauren what we have answers we have an answer what's the answer we have an update i just totally hurt my elbow update it's been about a week and with the holiday i've been all over the place but i ended up going to law enforcement to make a report last monday i'll likely end up going back if this person keeps contacting me like they have been. What? I'll give a little timeline. Last Saturday, haircut and discovered the weird tub full of my hair. Texted stylist about weird tub and said I'll be finding a new stylist.

1:47:47Hairstylist didn't respond. This is where I left off in my last post. A lot has happened since then. Sunday, I woke up to a bunch of texts from the stylist. It woke me up because even though I have do not disturb on on my phone, have a setting that overrides that if there are repeated contact attempts over three in case of emergencies. Here's what I got copied and pasted 3 49 a.m. I don't recommend going to a different stylist because of this. It's not a big deal. Small town and people talk and you may not find anyone that will take you after this. so I'd reconsider. I don't like threats. What?

1:48:283.51 a.m. So I have your biological material and it's my property now. What? I can do what I want with it. I kept it because I can and it means a lot to me. You're kidding me. 3.54 a.m. Why you send the pic? I know what it looks like. It's mine. I'm freaking out. 4 a.m. You need to respond to me because I think it's a misunderstanding about what this is. And it's no big deal. And you saying you're switching stylus has me triggered. I do good work. Clap emoji. You said so. 4.04 a.m. I also charge a$350 client separation fee. So yeah, you can't just say you're switching stylists. Kidding me. With more consequences.

1:49:24And no, you said you already tried a few people before me and there are not as many beauty people in the area. 4.11am. Asking for an explanation for a stylist having hair in a salon is crazy. Where else would you find hair? And I didn't do anything wrong, but I will get rid of it if you are going to cry about it. But only if you say you won't be switching. anyone else for your hair care. You mean a lot as a client and always tip well, and I do good work, so it doesn't make sense. And you know that, so maybe don't threaten someone who does your hair or hurt their heart by making accusatory statements.

1:50:03I didn't respond to any of those that morning because it was so insane to me. I need to process things fully before I make a decision on how to deal with it. So I just didn't respond. Sunday afternoon, I started getting phone calls. Oh my God. This person called me 14 times that afternoon. About every other call, they left a voicemail. Most of the voicemails just said, call me back or text me back. But two of them were unhinged. I'm going to paraphrase, but the gist of the first one was, it sounds like they're crying. Call me back. I'm getting scared you won't come back to me for your hair. For real.

1:50:41I just like how your hair feels. That's why I kept it. Call me. Oh my god. The second unhinged message was left late Sunday night at 11 38 p.m. and it said I got rid of it except for one lock. I found out I like watching your hair burn more than I liked keeping it. Oh. I didn't respond to Any of those messages, calls, or texts. The whole thing had me freaked out now. I'd decided by that time I was taking Monday off of work to go to the police. Even if they couldn't do anything, I wanted to file a report of this weirdness. I woke up Monday to an email from the stylist with an invoice of$375 for client breach of contract fee.

1:51:26As the chargeable line item, again, copy and pasting here. The email body was, quote, For being a bitch. It goes on to say, it was sent from their business email too, so they're really doing everything they can to ruin themselves. Even if I had a contract with this nutter, which I don't, the original amount was for$3.50. They can't even get their extortion fees right. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I did email them back stating we had no contract and to cease all further communication with me from this point forward. I got ready and started heading to the police station around 9.45 Monday morning.

1:52:01I live in a rural area, so there are portions of my drive to and from our main town that doesn't really have cell reception. When I finally got to town, I had four voicemails. I knew immediately who they were from. I talked to one of the officers on staff. They took my statement, a copy of the email, asked me to forward all texts and screenshots of the numbers and of the calls. They said, at the least, the calls and texts could be considered menacing and harassment, but the voicemail where they mentioned how they liked burning my hair was potentially concerning. The officer advised I contact a legal representative in case this person tries to take the bogus invoice to a civil suit court, and they said I'm welcome to change my number but have the filing evidence if they continue to contact me after I explicitly told them not to in the email, and this would only help me.

1:52:57I reached out to a lawyer Tuesday and left a detailed message regarding the situation. They are apparently out of the office until next Wednesday for the holiday, so we'll see if they have any advice. I have since received many texts and calls from the stylist. They sent a happy Thanksgiving text on Thursday morning as well. Happy turkey day! What? You're fucking kidding me.

1:53:28regardless they're giving me a lot of evidence to work but i'm so unsettled i can't wait to hear from my lawyer this week oh my god oh we have one last final update okay not to be dramatic but i would change my name i I would leave the country triangle. You like watching my hair burn? Last final update here. I woke up to new comments and requests for updates. First, I am okay and safe for now. The person has continued to contact me on a regular basis via phone and email. I do have personal protection that I'm comfortable with and can wield with accuracy, but I'm nearly certain this person does not know where I live, so I don't anticipate any type of confrontation here.

1:54:21Our house and property has complete camera coverage as well. If anyone, anything shows up, we're well aware. I will be posting a more in-depth update with more text and emails up to this point and regarding a specific incident that happened on Friday on Tuesday. I have an appointment to speak with another officer, then to discuss the potential of criminal action and legal consequences for the stylist as a result. Thank you all for your concern and the validation that this is absolutely insane. I'll leave you with a text from this past week. One I think you'll all enjoy. Question? Use for a model of how not to make friends?

1:55:03Once again, this is copy and pasted. 5 12 a.m. Don't never say never. You're never coming back. Don't make me laugh. I don't want your ass back. You can beg me though. Might help. Got her. I think we have the final update. Oh no. We do. We got it. Oh man. I didn't expect the amount of people following this. Here's a long-awaited post. The situation update may not be as satisfying as many would have hoped for, But here it goes. I met with law enforcement again this past Tuesday. My husband and I drove over early that morning because I was also meeting up with the lawyer I'm working with. Aside from the near constant text calls and emails, I wanted to pursue legal action for a specific issue.

1:55:50Allegedly, the stylist had tried to have my credit card canceled. Apparently, they used the last four digits of my card, called the customer service line for the card, and tried to cancel it. I got a call from the fraud department shortly after this person attempted to do this, trying to verify everything to see if I actually wanted to close my account and dissolve my credit line with them. To be clear, the stylist was not successful in their alleged attempt. They couldn't provide the basic info they needed for such things like my actual last name, it's unusual, and they gave a name that was almost similar, date of birth, address, etc.

1:56:30Apparently, they thought they could accomplish this with just my name, phone number, and the last four digits of the card. I didn't cancel the card, but did request a new one for obvious reasons. I had no clue why they would want to cancel my card. To inconvenience me? Yep, that's exactly why. Allegedly. When I spoke with the credit card company, they agreed to send over the recording of the person that called. No way. As well as the phone number the caller originated from, as long as the request came from law enforcement with a warrant. He gave me a phone number and reference number for the police to call and reach out directly.

1:57:03The officer began working on that immediately. So it's in progress. Yeah, he's curious too. I went to the phone company over the weekend. I had my phone number transferred to an old phone so I could still receive calls and text there. But I got a new phone number from my actual phone. The old phone and number has been turned over to the police assigned to my case. They did go and speak with this person yesterday. Apparently, they are horrified that I went to the police and had no idea any of their crazy could be chargeable offenses. According to the officer, there have been no further communications via texts or calls since their visit, and I haven't received any other emails.

1:57:49Oh, good. A temporary protection and no contact order has been issued against them until the first court date. I've also reached out to the state board of licensing with all this information and my complaints. All I can say is they are investigating. Outside of all of that information, I'm limited on any other information I can share, since a legal process against this person has officially begun. We're just waiting to see how this all plays out. It's been a long few weeks. I'm hoping for the best here. I'm already so relieved to no longer be getting calls, texts, or emails constantly. Thank you all for the concern, advice, and good wishes.

1:58:29This was meant to be an outlet for me to vent and process, and I'm so grateful that you have all allowed me to do that with a huge amount of support. Wild ride, wasn't it? Epic. Epic story. I just love the like, oh, I didn't know that that was bad. Yes. So the update comes 13 months later. Oh my God. It just came January 14th, 2026. so six-ish, seven-ish months ago. I'm unsure how satisfying or inflammatory this will be, but I've received tons of comments, DMs, and overall requests for an update. Fair warning, this will be long. I've been reluctant to revisit any of this for a few reasons, all selfish.

1:59:20In general, none of what happened over the last year or so was fun. There was a legal process in which I was granted a one-year restraining order against the stylist. This process took a while to get to court and be heard with continuations for various reasons, but here's the gist of what happened. The stylist showed up to all of the court proceedings, had a variety of allegedly fabricated evidence to show the court that I was the one harassing them. They had supposed screenshots of texts from my number threatening to harm them, calling them names, threatening to show up at their business and burn it down.

1:59:54The issue with this evidence? The phone number the texts were coming from was on a phone that was in possession of the officer on my case. I had already gotten a new phone number by the time these texts were being sent. The officer had a certified readout of the phone's activity while in his possession, and no calls or texts were outgoing after I surrendered that phone. There were none. The stylist seemed very surprised by that information. I don't think they ever considered that I might get a new phone or number. The stylus implied that I had someone else do it, or that I spoofed it from my new phone number and tried to demand my new number as a part of the discovery of evidence.

2:00:35That was not granted. I did have to have law enforcement do another certified review of my current phone, and to protect us further, my husband's phone as well, showing that I or anyone I was in contact with had not downloaded any spoofing software to use against this person or in an attempt to contact them. That felt icky, but was necessary and also very validating. They did have a lawyer, but the lawyer seemed very cowed. I really believe the representation was not confident in their case, especially with the texts and calls this person was said to have received. The tone, grammar, and language used in those communications was not native to the way I speak or text.

2:01:14I hate text speak and rarely use it, especially with anyone I'm not intimately familiar with. Evidence they presented with the text was riddled with it. I do use slang, bestie, but if I don't know you well, you're getting my customer service communications. All that to say, whomever was sending these texts was not me. I don't care to speculate about who did send them, but they read like bad cop dramas. Ultimately, the bench trial was in my favor. The stylist was given no contact with a one-year restraining order, ordered to pay all of my legal fees, and a small monetary amount. To date, that has not been settled.

2:01:52On to the aftermath. A few weeks go by and things took a turn. Random notes on my car would pop up when I would go grocery shopping about what a bitch I am and I'll get what's coming to me. Vehicles slowing down in front of our house and throwing eggs or honking their horn over and over in the middle of the night. I'm not stupid. I know who it is. and now they have my home address with all the restraining order filings. Thankfully, I also have cameras everywhere on my property. I would call the cops. They say they'd look into it. It would continue. My tire got slashed when I was at dinner with my husband.

2:02:31The restaurant didn't have any cameras at an angle that would show us who, but I have a good idea. Their salon location was only two and a half blocks away. Small towns can be great until everyone and their mama knows where you are when you're in town. This all goes on for months. We make a report for each and every instance and occurrence. Finally, the cops really started looking into it more. We gave them everything we had. The car on our footage was not registered to stylist. When the cops went knocking at the owner's house, they claimed they were paid to go piss off this bitch by the stylist but thought it was a prank situation.

2:03:09They were cited for vandalism and disturbing the peace and were trespassed from our property. Their car was never near our property again after that. Stylist was brought in for violating the restraining order. I thought it would be over. Was essentially a slap on the wrist for them. Cycle continues. Stylist finally spends a few nights in jail after the fifth or sixth instance of violation. Then Stylist files a lawsuit for defamation of character against me for, get this,$200 ,000. What is wrong with this person? According to the stylist, my defamatory remarks cost them their clientele and license.

2:03:52I didn't know it, but their license had been suspended. I guess my report to the licensing borough worked. Okay Stylist claimed that I cost their yearly salary of 200k What small town stylist makes this? And demanded reparations for defamation Claiming that my RO was granted under false evidence And cost them their reputation and livelihood It's not defamation when it's true When you have a box in my hair I contact my lawyer again and we start our defense Lawyer does all the lawyer things I'm advised I can counter sue at this point but I just want everything to be over. The case doesn't see a judge for a while.

2:04:30We go. Both sides are heard. Case is dropped without prejudice. At this point, we've had enough. Once the RO is up for renewal, we make a different choice. We moved. We sold our house, traded in our old cars, and dipped. I didn't want this person to ever have access to me or mine again. It's been about five months in our new home, and things have been exponentially more peaceful. But I'm also so, so pissed off that it came to us moving. I loved our house, our community, and the area we lived in. I'm sorry I hadn't updated. I just really, really hate thinking about this one time I had a weird-ass fucking encounter with my hairstylist that led to nearly a year of hell.

2:05:16So that's it. That's the update. Had time today. It's a new year separate from the crazy. So here it is. And honestly, that's all I'm giving after everything. I just want to forget it. Unbelievable. Oh my God. Fucking insane. Horrible. What type of illness does the stylist have? Like, it's so crazy. It almost sounds like erotomania where someone has like an intense like obsession with someone else. Okay, DSM-5. And they kind of like, well sometimes and they think that they'll be like leaving them signs with like a song playing in the grocery store. They'll be like, oh, they left that for me. Or like they see a license plate and they're like, oh my God, they left a message for me in the license plate.

2:05:58But it also sounds like they were doing spells. With the hair. Right? That sounded like a spell setup. If this happened to me, I would immediately get a counter witch spell going on my behalf. Yeah. I still need to use my hex break spell. I still need to do that. And I'm in need to go back to the witchcraft store and dabble in some new stuff. Yeah. Yeah, because this witchcraft store, if you just want to cleanse, they have little hex breakers or umbilical stuff. I've got my friend Megan from Spotify. And we were talking. I was like, yeah, I've got this crazy family stuff in this. And she's like, we should do an umbilical candle ceremony.

2:06:37And I was like, that sounds lovely. Thank you. All you need is some locks of hair. Yeah. That is scary. Yeah, just call up Megan. She's really, she's woo woo. No, no, I meant the hairstylist. She has locks of hair. I'm sure. Yes. Still. That might be the craziest story I've heard. I don't know. This one sucks. I think the update, like, so happy that she's out and, like, safe and in a good spot. but like you had to upheave your life at no fault of your own because this other person can't contain themselves and their erratic behavior and their just absurdity and I don't know like the way they just like still this is done there's a restraining order and you are gonna have someone honk yeah at all hours outside my house like so scary it would drive you crazy like any of us us would be like I can't do this I can't do this but to have to sell your house and move like it's horrible I just think somebody that unpredictable too like that's that's terrifying like you don't know what they're capable of like when they have that type of obsession it's just like not even just the annoyance and like the frustration and the cost and like the like time but like the like being terrified of just like you can't relax yeah like what are they what are they capable of like this person is so unhinged that like it's just it's so awful I feel so bad for OP and I'm glad that it's finally stopped because it also just makes me feel like sad that our justice system doesn't have like a better way of handling stuff like that so ridiculous how many times she like when OP yeah when OP was reading all that and was like I'm gonna go to the police I was like well good luck it's gonna take a lot for them to do anything whatsoever it's really like I get you know there are really good cops out there and like the system can work but a lot of times it doesn't and I do think overall like as shitty as this is it's so smart because you never know what people are capable of I just saw a tiktok from this woman who made a tiktok about finding out her husband is a pedophile and she made a tiktok and said like I have a restraining order blah blah blah blah and he murdered her just happened a couple weeks ago and it's just like she was married to this guy and it's just like there's so many of these like family annihilators and those are people that are supposed to love them and whatever so it's like this stranger who's off her rocker obsessed scary inappropriate horrible repulsive repugnant behavior it's best to just get clear of them.

2:09:22Not fair, but the right choice. Absolutely. Because I've lived like that once in my life where every single night I would wonder if someone was going to show up. And you double check every door. And the day I was no longer in that house, it's this huge weight. So it's not fair. No, and it affected you at live shows. Like one of our first live shows in Minnesota, Justin was like, we need to make sure security knows not to let this person in because they said they would kill me. Oh, my God. I don't know about this. Yeah. Well, you're sensitive. We didn't want to rock you. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God.

2:09:59You guys kept it from me because of that? Yeah. I didn't. I didn't really tell anyone. He also didn't tell anyone. But, like, it's also, you know, I have enough anxiety with live shows. You have enough anxiety with live shows. He's got anxiety from that person. It's just like, you know, he just wanted to just not. But like the people that needed to know knew to make sure Justin was safe. It wasn't that situation I was talking about. Oh. It's a different one. Oh. I was talking about this one. Why is this world so crazy? I know. I know. And it can happen anywhere. Anywhere to anyone. And no fault of your own.

2:10:36That's the thing. You didn't do anything to get it, but you just end up in it. Unfair, but you got to do what's best for you. Yeah. Well, let's go to this next one. This episode is brought to you by talkiatry. When your mental health is suffering, finding the right treatment can be overwhelming. That's where talkiatry comes in. Talkiatry is an online psychiatry practice with licensed psychiatrists who can evaluate, diagnose, and provide ongoing medication management when appropriate. They accept major insurers, can treat anxiety, ADHD, depression, and more. And you can schedule your first visit in days, not months.

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2:12:29This episode is brought to you by Nintendo. Everyone's version of MeTime is a little different. That's why the Nintendo Switch 2 system is so fun. With exclusive and Nintendo Switch compatible games like Mario Kart World, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Nintendo Switch 2 Edition, Tamodachi Life, Live in the Dream, or Yoshi and the Mysterious Book, there's something for every vibe. And with upgraded hardware, play at home or on the go, whenever the mood hits. Learn more at Nintendo.com slash Nintendo Switch 2. Games and systems sold separately. Some Nintendo Switch games may not be supported or fully compatible with Nintendo Switch 2.

2:13:07Games rated E for everyone. This next one is titled, Am I Overreacting? My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel. Put the price in there. Put the price of the cheese. You guys ready for the cheese? Let's hear the original real quick. Am I overreacting? My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel. Mm-hmm. Okay. I, 27 male, and my girlfriend, 26 female, were saving for a house payment. I work and she is unemployed. I have saved$32 ,000 and she has saved$4 ,000. So I feel like I bear the brunt of the financial decision-making here. I was doing the Oxford County Cheese Trail and I found a Volt release.

2:13:58They were selling a 140-pound wheel of 21-year-old cheddar. It was aged using a traditional cloth-bound method that's practically extinct here in Canada. And with over 21 years, it is extremely concentrated. 21-year-old cheddar often sells for about$120 a pound. The farm was selling the entire wheel for$18 ,500. If I cut it into 200-gram wedges and I sell it at$60 each, I can make$38 ,000. I bought the cheese wheel and I brought it home in my truck. When I rolled it into our apartment, at first she was excited. When I started to explain the financials and investment potential, she turned sour.

2:14:49She didn't yell, but expressed she wasn't happy about how I spent my share of our house savings. She is now staying with her parents. I think she's overreacting because she doesn't understand the Canadian housing market. Our savings is not enough for a down payment without ridiculous mortgage. And we need to take these opportunities. Am I overreacting or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship? They post the receipt of the cheese and the fact that it cost a printed receipt,$18 ,400 in Canadian money from the Oxford County, Ontario, Canada cheese place. I've never even seen like a store receipt like that for that much money.

2:15:37Post the picture of the cheese wheel. We do get an update. Okay. Photos in the comments as I can't add to the post. I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious, my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. Done. she cracked due to low risk tolerance so I've decided to go in all in on this business no I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital thinking that they'd have some pity they were actually considering it until they came out to look at the cheese in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open it last week compromised the wheel, which was already non-refundable in the first place.

2:16:31So I'm now stuck with 140 pounds, 30 ,000 plus asset. I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have. Keep the cheese. I went out and bought a true TBB2HC 59-inch solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature, humidity controller, an industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. The total cost was about$8.5k after taxes. For the ripening mats! Expensive, yes, but I wasn't going to let a$30 ,000 investment depreciate value. Cheese.

2:17:20Cheese. Cheese. The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. It had maybe a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit. I was exhausted and excited, so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That's when my landlord walked in. Oh, no. Apparently, he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy. We already have a strained relationship. Because of my own use of the unit, he still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a consumer plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago.

2:18:08He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of Heritage Cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards. I told him very clearly, the cheese is for personal consumption. I'm losing it. The cheese is a fire hazard now. The cheese is a fire hazard. And now it's for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own. Where's the dairy part of the lease? The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. Because of cheese. This is nuts! It's riddled with spelling errors as if written in haste. I'm already preparing my defense for the landlord-tenant board.

2:18:53Am I overreacting? I'm being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned, and I feel like this is an unlawful action. It feels like not dietary restrictions. It feels like the like industrial fridge you bought. So as I said, I messaged him and we got a response. I offered to buy the cheese. Of course, that was my first message. And then I sent another message again because he didn't get back to me quick enough. And I said, sir, the cheese, don't leave me, parentheses, my people hanging. All of you guys. And OP responded Unfortunately, the cheese wheel endeavor has come to an end It is in the process of being incinerated due to an act of sabotage I did not respond to your initial message as I could not sell to the USA But I did manage to make significant sales before I was crushed by government bureaucracy I think the health department got him I love your gentle heart I love your warm spirit and your kind generosity.

2:20:01The cheese boy? Yeah, but like, oh my God, he made his bed. He made his$19 ,000 cheese bed. That is a choice he made. Actions have consequences. Oh, because he did buy the cheese. But again, he had that other investment. He bought like 8K of like cutting and stuff to store the cheese and process the cheese. So he thought it was an investment? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Unless you know what you're doing, let's put our money in something that, let's put our money in cheese. You could buy an$18 ,000 collectible item on, let's say, eBay. Buy a Birkin. And the value is stored in that item and it can't spoil.

2:20:40It cannot go back. You guys, this might be the next Willy Wonka. Ooh, look at that. Imagine he makes a million. Everyone thinks he's crazy. Except it's rivers of cheese. I would buy cheese and like every couple cubes of cheese has a little golden wrapper and then you get something. That's actually a great, that's a good business plan. Yeah. Maybe his investments are going to pay off. He was close, but he wasn't, you know, to that next level yet. Yeah. Yeah. You're really, you're thinking outside the box. Thank you. The wheel. Outside the wheel. Outside the circle. Can you imagine though, literally spending 18K on a cheese wheel and it just has to get burned because the health department found you?

2:21:21Can you imagine going home to your partner, having this like savings account that you've both put your heart and soul into and they're like, babe, but I got a big wheel of cheese. Big wheel. I would be enraged. It's also so funny because in the original story, the way he words it is he's like, I rolled it into the apartment. I can't imagine. Wait, maybe I'm coming back around on him. You might be into him. You might be into him. Might be a soulmate. He's, you know, he's a thinker. He's out there. He's, you know, not risk averse. He's willing to try new things. But don't spend your house down payment on a business adventure that you don't talk to your partner about.

2:22:04Right. No conversation. I will say after so many stories that are so dark, I feel like sometimes I give a take that's a little too loose, a little too giving. And people are like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, you guys. We just had like a stalker. What do you mean? I'm so happy about cheese. no the cheese is a nice reprieve yeah not for her though that is her life savings yeah no that's no no no op needs to you know fix it fix it but i will say i had a lot of very kind offers from you uh most of you in wisconsin willing to send us cheese and we're in the process of setting up a new p.o box and then i would love cheese me and my family used to drive to wisconsin to get cheese Yeah, because Wisconsin's got the good stuff.

2:22:54They have a squeaky cheese. I thought that was just like a stereotype. No. No. Oh my God. We would cross that border and we would get that squeaky cheese. It's really good cheese. Guys, that is so funny. Yeah. You were crossing the border to buy cheese? Yes. Like for real. I'm not kidding. Cheese and fireworks. Yeah, that too. That's incredible. Yeah. Midwest is lit. Yeah. I used to love cheese. Oh. Oh. Oh, no. What happened? His tummy. Oh. Oh, my God. So I wouldn't be able to partake. I'm kind of over the cheese talk. You hate Wisconsin anyway. Well, you hate the Packers. I like the fireworks, but.

2:23:38You're crazy. No more cheese. You're crazy. So cheese curds that are not deep fried, when you bite into them, there's a squeak to them if they're really good cheese curds. See, I don't even know this. That's how far removed I am from this life that you guys have been living. You can hear it in your face. I didn't know. Bite down. It squeaks in your face. Oh, my God. Sign me up. Yeah, it's good. You guys are what? I'd like to know that squeak. You sound like a toy story character. You're going to take your little lactose lactase, and you're going to have a couple cheese curds at the fair. It doesn't work for me.

2:24:15I've tried. Trust me. Well, guess what? You're just going to have to deal with the diarrhea. Yeah. This next one is titled, Would I be the asshole for suing my friend when she didn't come to my wedding? This is coming from our True Colors app with Xavier Jernigan, our good friend. DJX. DJX. Let's get into this one. Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the asshole. Okay. It's only 16 hours old right now. Oh, fresh. Really fresh. It's titled, Would I Be the Asshole for Suing My Friend When She Didn't Come to My Wedding? Wait, wait, wait. Suing, like litigation, like we going to court? Taking her to court.

2:25:02Now, were there monies spent on said person? Okay, let's go. I, 25 female, recently got married to my 25 male husband in Bali, Indonesia, in January. It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel. But we paid for our friends' plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ticket was about$2 ,000 USD. Yo! And hotel, maybe$150 to$300 for a week. My friend Gemma brought along her newlywed husband, John, but paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding. No! Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room.

2:25:55And when I asked her why she didn't show up, she said, since they couldn't afford their own honeymoon, this was the perfect opportunity. And Jim decided that he didn't feel like going. I was really hurt by this since Gemma and I have been friends. for over 10 years. Stop playing. Would I be the asshole if I took her to small claims court for the money that I spent on the plane ticket and hotel? Get your money. Get your money. Get your money. No, for real. Uh-huh. Yeah. I did not at all see it going there. I'm, no, definitely Sue. You could even still do the honeymoon and go to the wedding. Yeah.

2:26:38Like, you got the flight, it'd be fine. Best of both worlds. Yeah. All you gotta do is show up one night. Stay for a week after. Change the plane home day. We gotta be missing something. These are things we said. Right, of course. Yeah, of course. I mean, you're clocking it. You're clocking it. So, update. I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room. But I did something a little better. I wanted to get proof, so if I had to go to court, it would be easier to win. I messaged her this. Quote, hey, sorry for being so distant, but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali.

2:27:11I'm hurt that you didn't show up to the ceremony. I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come, and then you didn't show up. Do you think I paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John? She replied, quote, I've missed you a lot, and I know the trip was for your wedding. John didn't want to go because he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you'd understand. I replied, no, I don't understand. And you took advantage of me, and that's not what real friends do. So I'm invoicing you$2 ,387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room.

2:27:50I will give you 30 days, and after that, I will be taking legal action. I received no response, but she's been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life. Oh, God. Thank you all for your verdicts and help. edit update part two. I didn't think this could get worse, but here we are. I didn't respond to any of the subliminal messages she posted about me on social media, and I've been very quiet while I've been getting my ducks in a row for litigation. But this past Friday, she sent me a three-page audit of financial and emotional contributions from 2015 to present.

2:28:32Wow. I wish I was fucking joking. The audits. She itemized every dinner or lunch we've ever ate. She estimated$18 a meal, gas money for driving to and from hangouts, a birthday gift from 2017 that she now claims she went into debt for, time spent emotionally supporting me after my dad passed. She said she took on the role of a grief counselor for me, even though I talked to her on the phone about it once for 30 minutes. One time she helped me move apartments. She wants to be paid for her labor and emotional distress caused by me and emotional distress caused by me threatening litigation her grand total two thousand four hundred twelve dollars and nine cents convenient which is conveniently within 25 of what i invoiced her oh my god she then told me if we're really keeping score that I actually owe her$24.56.

2:29:28Okay, it's hilarious actually. I think I stared at the document for 10 minutes in silence in shock from the audacity because this bitch is delusional. To clarify, I never asked her to cook for me. While I was in college, she did pay for lunches, but I definitely returned the favor big time once I graduated. I've bought her many gifts over the years. I've let her stay at my house several times, when she and John argued, and I have also lended a shoulder for her to cry on when she had difficult times in life. But apparently being a friend is now billable. I decided to give the message a thumbs down because if I responded, I will be extremely disrespectful with the anger I am facing.

2:30:12I cannot wait for these 30 days to be over because I will be suing the fuck out of her. This is such a good update. this is a crazy update there's more i could oh shut my mouth there's more let's hear it so this comes sometime later okay op starts it sorry that i haven't updated in a while i've been trying to get my ducks in a row before i proceeded with everything while doing that i was going through photos from bali and ended up on the instagram page of a local photographer who took pictures of me and my husband during a sailing excursion we went on. I was scrolling through their page and looking at random groups when I saw a very familiar face.

2:31:01It was Gemma and a man. And it wasn't her husband, John. What? No way. It was a man that I have never seen before. There were multiple photos, one where they were just sitting down with drinks, one with Gemma and the guy wrapping his arm around her, and one of them kissing. Electric. That's when everything clicked. My wedding was the day after everyone landed, which is why I never saw her at all. Not at the hotel, not around town, nothing. thing. I just assumed that she was trying to lie low around town to avoid a confrontation with me. She didn't skip my wedding because John didn't feel like going or that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being a honeymoon.

2:31:51She skipped it because she wasn't there with John, but with another man. After seeing this photo of her and her affair partner, I decided to do my own detective work. I went to her Instagram page and tried to see if I could find the guy's Instagram in her following list or follower list. Nada. I tried to see if any guy that remotely looked like him was in her likes or comments. Nope. I felt defeated until I remembered about Gemma's small pottery Instagram account. And boom, I found him. Let's say his name is Ryan. Ryan had several photos that were taken in Bali on his page. He even had a photo of himself in the hotel room that I paid for.

2:32:37I was beyond pissed and I just wanted to get my money back and just be done with Gemma altogether. On the day of our court date, I told my side, showed the judge the text messages, and explained that I paid for her trip so she could attend my wedding and she didn't show up. Gemma claimed that the trip was a gift for her new marriage and not contingent on attending. I didn't even bring up the fact that she didn't bring John because the judge didn't buy Gemma's story. I was awarded the full amount back. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Justice prevails. Gemma walked out of the courtroom without even looking at me.

2:33:13I know she was pissed and, as expected, went straight to Instagram, and this time she didn't hold back at all. She started posting about me on her story, calling me a bitch, saying that's why I can't have kids, posting photos of me calling me fat, saying that she'll go spit on my grave of my dead grandmother. What the fuck? Just diabolical mean girl stuff. The last time she brought our drama to social media, I ignored it, but not this time. I know what I did next was stooping to her level, but I didn't care. Let's go. I posted the photo of her kissing Ryan on my story. Yeah. And I tagged her and John in it.

2:34:02Love it. Oh, my God. Gorgeous, perfect, no notes. I need to follow this queen. Yes. I captioned it, quote, Sorry we missed you in Bali. Hope you had fun. Within minutes, she began spamming my phone. She was calling, texting, leaving voicemails, screaming at me. And before I blocked her on everything, I messaged her one last time. I said, quote, you should have just come to the wedding. Oh, my God. Perfect. With a bow on top. I mean. Wow. I haven't heard a story that good since I couldn't tell you it. So Gemma, obviously, I was like, why was she acting so bold? She didn't know that there was this proof that she knew about the affair.

2:34:54I mean, how would you ever? I never would have thought, oh, this random photographer taking pictures of us on a boat. Who's going to be able to find it? But you can reverse image search people's faces now. You can put someone's picture into an app and then it finds every photo of them that exists. But when you're in a foreign country and there's something, I feel like it's - The chance is very low. Oh, of course. I just don't assume that that would. No, and there's so many, like, tourism things and so many boat excursions. I mean, we went on a boat excursion in Thailand when Lauren and I went, and, like, it was, like, drunk Bill Bob's boat cruise.

2:35:31Oh, yeah. There's photos of us floating around that we probably would hate. Oh, yeah. Us, ship face, falling off paddle boards. They take so many pictures. They literally act like a paparazzi the whole time they're with you. You wouldn't assume that they'd post every single one either. It's just, like. They do post it. We just didn't think anything of it. But like I would never be like Oh my god someone Now someone out there Is gonna make this their mission To probably find it Please But like no I'm curious But They're all fun They're all cute It would never cross my mind That anyone in my real life Yeah Would ever see it Right And so Gemma Gemma's walking just like Big dick energy Like Right Like you're not gonna find The fact that I Brought my fair partner What is she telling What is she telling John This whole time Like about why she's getting sued and why she didn't go to the wedding.

2:36:17I would love to know. I would love to. She's like, oh, I felt sick that night. She was making something up. See, the shitty thing is, these days, someone could just be like, oh, they just AI'd it. Whoa. Which sucks. Which sucks with regard to how satisfying this end is. That's what AI has robbed from us. I feel like there's ways to detect it, though. Like, anytime there's, like, an AI photo and, like, maybe this is just me being ignorant, there's, like, six fingers. Yeah, I'm trying to get better at detecting that kind of thing. I know that there are tells, but I'm like, I kind of fell for dogs ice skating today.

2:36:54So I did fall for the bunnies on the trampoline. That one got me. I posted on my story. Everyone was like, loser. It was brutal. I mean, yeah, this was it. That one got me. This was such a good story. Yeah. So I do see a comment from OP. so when Gemma initially did take to social media she didn't state why they were fighting and I'm not sure what she told John but knowing her she probably told him a lie that makes sense what I have since found out since all of this happened through a mutual friend I found out that John has filed for divorce well and Gemma and her son have moved back in with her mom after Ryan refused to take her in this actually makes so much sense.

2:37:44There's like, sometimes there'll be an update that's obviously shocking, but then when you hear it, you're like, but that does make sense for the weirdness that there was in the initial story. Yeah. Right. Well, I mean, were you guys super confused? You and X? Like, were you guys just like, Yeah, just go to both. Just do both, right? I forget where we left off on this. I think it was just the initial post and we were like, yeah, sewer ass. But there was comments that I read from OP where OP did say, like, I told her it was a gift. Like, this money is a gift so you can come. And I go, that language might, you know, a judge might hear gift.

2:38:24That's why I'm surprised that justice prevailed. I just wish X could hear this update because I know he would have just. I'm going to send it to him. Yeah. Hey, guys. He's got to hear it. Yeah. No, he'll be so into this. And I will say it is giving very real account. OP is a part of the four year club, has commented in various other subreddits, r slash nursing, r slash survivor. It's a very like it'd have to be a very creative story to make that up. I was going to say, I'm like, I want to hop on this. I want to be a director. I want to make this into a movie. Yes. No, this is an original thought.

2:39:02It's great. It's really great. In a bad way for you guys. But like, yeah, in terms of entertainment, it's pretty good. Yeah. No. And she was classy with it. Like sending an invoice first. Just give me the amount back. Just reimbursed me. Yeah. I'm not going crazy. And then the fact that she sent an invoice for being your friend for all these years. Oh, my God. I forgot about that because even crazier stuff happened after that. I mean, invoicing someone for like being their support when their dad died is like you. honestly I kind of want to just like I don't know give you a bad manicure because like that's so mean or like just like a little poke with a cattle prod.

2:39:42I'm gonna give you a bad manicure. Morgan that's terrible. When someone cuts your nails horribly short after you've grown them out it hurts. Can't you just be like shove your face in like cow manure? That's good. Now you're thinking Lauren. Thank you. I like that. That's a good one. Honestly though like originally if I would have heard this, I would have thought that her and her husband went there, got drunk, missed it, and then tried to deflect and be like, oh, well, you said it was a gift and we needed a honeymoon. So that they couldn't feel bad about it. I would have said I got bali, what's it called?

2:40:16Bali belly. Was throwing up all night. I'm so sorry. Gemma just handled this really badly. She acted too cocky. She fought back too much. Got a little weird with it. She could have skirted this whole situation. Do you think this was premeditated, though, or do you think that she just fell into it. Well, she had a lot of John. Sorry, I didn't get a plus one, babe. That makes more sense. I was thinking that like her. She met a guy. Yeah. No. Like maybe you had like a DM type of situation and was like, I'm going to meet you. Crazy. I'm going there for a wedding. No, they were. She played it wrong.

2:40:57Yeah. She fucked around and found out. She did. Okay. How we feeling? Awesome. That was great. I mean, wow. I'm going to be up all night. That one and the hair one, like, back. I know. I can't believe it. God. Check your stylist back rooms, guys. I forgot about that one. I forget about all of them until they get brought up, and then I'm like, oh, my goodness.

2:41:22Okay. I hope it's one of us. Who is it? I see my face. Yes. Where are you peeking? He remembers you. You got to put horse blinders on. Oh, I see Justin's face too. Yeah, me too. Thank you, Michaela. I'm going to get a privacy screen. Lauren will do that to me at live shows because she'll sometimes see my computer and I'll see her face and I'm like - You'll turn. It's hard to not. I saw Homicide earlier before you had read that story. I was like, what is going next? Yeah. It's like when you're sitting in a plane next to someone and then you're like, what? I'm nosy as well. I'm so nosy. I'm so nosy.

2:41:54So this last one is coming from the episode beyond embarrassing with Justin. It's titled, Wife says I need to get over it, but I can't stop obsessing over a prank that ruined my wedding experience and left me furious. Yeah, this is a bad one. This was bad. Very bad. Okay, let's play it. Okay, this next one is coming from AITH, 17 days old, titled, wife says I need to get over it, but I can't stop obsessing over a prank that ruined my wedding experience and left me furious. During the reception, we were all doing the usual wedding games. Eventually, I was told it was time to do the garter removal.

2:42:43As everyone gathered around us in the middle of the dance floor, my wife was sitting in a chair and my friends brought out a blindfold and told me I would be doing the garter removal blindfolded. I should have been suspicious at their grins, but I'd had some drinks, wasn't suspecting anything. I put it on and tried to be a good sport about it, as everyone seemed like they were having a great time, myself included. As soon as I was blindfolded, however, my wife slipped out of the chair and was replaced by one of my groomsmen. He's a friend of the family I've grown up with, but I would not say we're close.

2:43:18Now, I literally cannot stand him, although he's not a bad guy other than my anger at this prank. sitting in the chair in place of my wife my groomsman was in shorts with a garter around his thigh my wife stood behind him and was talking to me as they walked me over to keep me fooled into thinking it was her on their instructions I got down on my knees and began to reach for what I thought were my wife's legs once I found the leg I found the garter and began pulling it down but at that moment I heard my wife saying with your mouth with your mouth so I leaned forward and grasped the garter belt in my mouth to the shrieks and applause of the crowd with the garter in my teeth I pulled it down his leg and then my wife actually came around to help me get it over his shoe because it got stuck once I had the garter they told me to stand up and take off my blindfold when I did I was smiling because I thought I'd been a good sport and everyone was laughing so hard, it seemed like everyone was having a great time.

2:44:20But when I took off the blindfold, everyone burst into even louder laughter. For a moment, the entire energy of everyone at the wedding was focused on nothing besides laughing at me. At me being the sole butt of the joke. It felt awful. I was furious. I wanted to say and do a million different things, but I didn't. For some reason, I just felt that pretending it wasn't a big deal was the best offense. That showing anger would be confirming how badly I'd just been humiliated for their delight, and that would have made my humiliation all the worse. So I sucked it up. I sleptwalked through the rest of the wedding while doing my best to keep a smile on my face.

2:45:05My wife could tell I was stunned, but she kept on going too. She definitely had no idea how badly I was taking it. Everyone was standing around us, and we couldn't talk openly about how I felt. At least, not without ruining everything. And I didn't know whether I wanted to go there after all the effort and money put into the wedding. And I kept sucking it up the next day at the brunch, and for most of the next week, through most of our honeymoon. At some point, I told myself that my wife didn't mean to hurt me, and there was no reason to ruin her wedding memories by telling her that my experience had been ruined.

2:45:39but then at the end of our honeymoon I had had a few drinks and I just couldn't help it and once I started talking to her about it I just went off. I told her it was trashy that it hurt if not destroyed my trust and sense of intimacy towards her. I was harsh and got carried away. After at first apologizing a bit she got upset and left me sitting out there. I think I just kept going because I felt hurt and wanted to maybe make her feel bad as well, to be honest. Since then, it's been a difficult subject. I've told her, I don't want to hear about the wedding. I don't want to write thank you notes, look at pictures.

2:46:16If it was tomorrow, I wouldn't make plans to celebrate our anniversary. My wife and I have a lot of strengths in our relationship, but I just can't stop thinking about this and the feeling when I took off that blindfold. I literally cannot stop my mind from replaying it over and over, and I get mad again every time. And perhaps the worst part of it is that it's all recorded. We had a professional photographer shooting a video, and in the video, I see at least four other people recording it on their phones. Watching the video, I find myself looking at the laughing faces of family and friends in the video, and there's a part of me that I'd never act on that wants nothing more than to punch them all in their faces.

2:46:59The fact I know that these videos are out there makes it feel like it's constantly happening to me. My wife says that she's sorry, that she thought I would take it better and laugh it off, and that I need to move on. I think maybe I am the asshole. No good is coming from obsessing over this, but I literally cannot let it go. I find myself coming up with reasons to be angry. I tell myself sometimes it was assault because I was tricked into putting my mouth on another man's leg without my consent. But I think that's just rationalizing my anger. I don't know. Am I overreacting? Am I the asshole for refusing to let it go?

2:47:39So we do have an edit. An edit? Wow. Thank you all for the responses. I'm digesting and I have to say I'm genuinely feeling better just sharing this, even if some of you don't think I'm in the right. I'm definitely not as angry as I was when I wrote this, so there's that. Although it does come and go in response to some of the questions. One, yes, I created this account to share this. I'm not AI or a bot. I genuinely don't know what karma farming is, but anyone who wants my karma can have it. Two, it was the wedding planner who originally proposed the idea. The one who knows you the least. Literally.

2:48:19She had done it at other weddings, apparently, and she coached my wife and friends on how to do it. To drape her dress over his lap and to stand behind him talking to me. He was wearing the same groomsman's shirt and coat, but had changed into shorts, a stocking, and flip-flops. So that's why he didn't feel any leg hair. He had like a full stocking on. Three, my groomsman is now my brother-in-law because he's married to my wife's older sister. what I meant to say is that he's a good guy we grew up together and I like him but I didn't consider him a best friend at the time and now I'm no longer even thinking of him as a friend in large part because I'm mad at him I don't think there was a reason they picked him other than he's thin like my wife four I believe my wife when she says she thought it would be funny and that I wouldn't mind I just don't think she thought of it from my perspective when it came to concluding this was a funny thing to do.

2:49:14Sometimes I tell myself, this is what I'm mad about. It keeps changing, really. Five, a lot of people asked what I expect my wife to do about it now besides apologize. I don't have a good answer to that and need to think about what that means. Six, my favorite comment thus far is the guy who told me to wash the sand out of my vagina. Ha, fair play. That's the end. That's the end. Kind of a somber note to end on. wash the sand out of my vagina. Yeah. Huh. I feel like you guys are gonna hate me from my rage. Oh, do you have a hot take? I just... Oh, I'm a little nervous. I'm sorry, I just think...

2:49:53Oh! I just think it's funny. Like, I think it could be funny with a different couple, and that's where it went wrong. Exactly, exactly. And if it had been a close friend of his where they had that kind of relationship. Exactly, yeah. Where it... I see what you're saying. Yeah. But I think like then again, the way he felt about it is valid. And it's like, that's the complicated thing about it. And I think that was kind of you. That's perfect. With our original take to like your feelings are so valid, like to feel like you're the butt of the joke in a room full of your closest family and friends like that sucks.

2:50:29But to not talk with your wife, like to not really communicate and then you bottle it up to where you're like, I hated my whole honeymoon. I can't even think about our wedding. I hate our wedding. I told her that if our anniversary was tomorrow, I wouldn't even want to celebrate. that's where you really like you need to like talk to her, unpack it and like you gotta like really start like making plans to go to therapy too cause I can see this being so funny it's but which is why the wedding planner obviously suggested it because it's worked and been funny and fun in the past my brother would find this hilarious if my sister-in-law did this to him you gotta know the people and I feel like she should have known him better yeah like know whether that's a big character trait being very sensitive to being the butt of a joke or feeling like people are laughing at you yeah that is a thing that people struggle with and it should be you know pretty clear I think yeah I will say though that I've dated somebody who we could laugh about like just it was constantly humor poking fun and then I said something that I genuinely thought was gonna have the same reaction and it just hit a trigger and then and I was so confused because I was like but this is the relationship that we've been you know working with but it's just like sometimes there's something that like and and I'm picturing I'm picturing him feel like the Grinch the little kid Grinch where like they're like it's a hack job like and just like everyone laughing and that's how he's feeling so it's like if he doesn't think it's funny the worst thing is to try to pretend to laugh at a joke that's about you that you don't find funny.

2:52:12Yeah. No, you just see. So that sucks, you know? So it's like, I totally feel that, but I'm also like, it's funny. Yeah, and also all your friends and family weren't laughing at you in a humiliating way. Like, it feels that way, but those people care about you. They thought it was a fun moment. What were you gonna say? I left it all in the field. Okay. Let's get into this last update. So this is actually really interesting because when we were on our call with Direct Caterpillar the other day, aka Matt, you guys will have met him last week. I said my favorite type of niche Reddit story is where there's two sides to it.

2:52:56Where someone sees the post and makes another post in response or hops in the comments. I've never had that. I don't think we've ever. I've done a theme. We called it Two Sides to Every Story. It is one of my favorite themes we've ever done. Was that in that one? I'm not sure. We'll have to check. But it's something I want to continue to do. And now that Direct Caterpillar is helping us kind of go through our dock, thank you again, Matt, if you're listening. I'm assuming we're going to get more of these eventually. Or, you know, the power of Reddit nowadays, it's coming out. So this update is coming from The Wife.

2:53:39No, I love it. I already did that in my head a little bit ago. So I love watching. Oh my God, I didn't even know that could happen. Yeah, it could have been the groomsmen. You have no idea. This is a dream come true. Okay. And I will say this is coming from the same account that posted the original. So we know without a doubt it's coming from the same household. Yeah. Access to that computer. Hi, everyone. This is The Wife. If you know us and what this is about, please know we're very embarrassed about this. We took it down, but it's been shared so many times. It just keeps trickling on. So I'm writing this for both of us.

2:54:19This is the last thing we want to say about this. My husband deeply regrets some of the language he used. He intended to write anonymously and was letting out unfiltered emotions. Abraham Lincoln said, write an angry letter and tear it up. My husband made the mistake of hitting post, assuming that this was harmless venting. He regrets it. We've reached out to and are on good terms with everyone involved. Everything is fine. As regards to the wedding, I'm the only one who messed up here. Our planner gave us options. I watched the videos. I thought it was funny. I messed up. This isn't opinion. It's fact.

2:54:59I messed up because it wasn't funny to the only person who mattered to me. I want people to understand both of our perspectives, all caps, because no one here is an asshole. What my husband didn't make clear is that he was an absolute sweetheart at the wedding and afterwards. Overall, our honeymoon was amazing. And he didn't mention at all that he only got mad at the end because I was teasing him about it. And I was only teasing him because I had no idea he was upset about it. I could tell I was needling him, but it was meant to be good-natured. Having said all of that on my own behalf, of course I thought he would think it was funny.

2:55:42He has a great sense of humor. We joke around a lot and always will. This just hit different, and sometimes that happens. I feel like an idiot taking this risk at our wedding. I didn't exactly tell him to get over it. I couldn't talk about it anymore when it was first brought up because I love my husband and was upset to hear him get angry, probably in large part because he never gets angry like that. Afterwards, we decided to wait to talk about it until we could do so calmly. At the same time, we did need him to get over it and move forward. We can't never mention our wedding or anniversary again or live with anger.

2:56:22To the casual eye, it looks like this is a well-received prank in a hundred different videos. I thought it would go over well, and so did everyone else. I do now wonder if there are videos of this prank that didn't get posted because the husband made it clear that he didn't like it. Bottom line, this was unfortunate and completely unnecessary, but you live, you learn, we're doing great, and this has been blown way out of proportion. On the bright side, how many couples can say their weddings were covered by the New York Post? We're happily moving on. My husband says he hopes everyone gets his thank you cards.

2:56:58That's it. Goodbye. So he posted not anonymously? Did people figure it out? I think like her point of like Abraham Lincoln writes a letter and then says tear it up. Like no one ever sees it. The internet, like yes, it's anonymous because it's on Reddit, but it's not private. I think she used the wrong word. And it can get sent around and people can put two and two together and figure out that he posted that. Yeah. I mean, it's a story that's also so specific. Like he posted, just got back from his honeymoon. You're like, oh, I actually just went to a wedding where this happened to the groom. And her skinny brother-in-law was.

2:57:38Yeah, I giggled. So it's like it kind of like can ding people's memories to where like then you get a link sent to you. and it's like, hey, is this about you? Yeah. You know what I mean? Especially if it's on New York. New York Post. You know, two hot takes covered it and the Post. Well, considering that, do we believe the update? A lot of people do question it, especially since it came from that same account. Is it the wife or is it him trying to do damage control because wife is mad? Unclear. But the majority of people on this post are pissed. And before I read a comment, do you have a thought?

2:58:16I'm my thought was more that it's the wife writing it. Yes, but she's saying we are going to go post this and make everyone think everything's fine because it's in the New York Post, because it was on two outtakes, because it's gotten this notoriety. because the comment at the beginning of it was we tried to delete it, but it's been reposted a million times. Yeah. So let's clear the air to the public. Damage control. Just like politicians do, just like any influencer that messes up and they're like, oh, here's the real story. Yeah. Is that just what this is to clear it? And then behind the scenes, what's the real situation?

2:58:54Well, and I agree because when we read the post, we were kind of in this boat of like what he is describing this as, Like this is trauma for him. And so when he's saying this things that like this is going to haunt me forever. Yeah. She's kind of being like, yeah, no, he didn't show me he was upset. We had a great honeymoon. But like she's almost sweeping it under the rug. So I do kind of understand now like, OK, I see why comments are mad because even me, I'm like, I feel like you're you guys still aren't even talking because you don't type what he did in the original post. That was so I went through this horrible situation.

2:59:29I have these feelings I don't want to celebrate our anniversary this will haunt me and then all of a sudden you're like my husband is very embarrassed about this we're on the same page we're okay we're fine it's like are we fine I don't know I don't think he's fine so the top comment on this one with I mean at this point 50 upvotes 50 50 so not many not many kind of flew under the radar like to be to basically be like same thing to basically be like this it's a small pool of people over here but usually we have thousands right but the top is you're the asshole i don't feel a shred of remorse in this post lucky for you that your husband seems to have forgiven you you may find out later down the line that he never actually forgot next comment he will never forget.

3:00:20This will haunt him the rest of his life. Haunt is too strong of a word, but he is likely to remember that for a very long time. No offense, but haunt is appropriate. There's a comment here a little bit down that's in response to the top one. Two words, damage control. She has been correctly identified in the New York Post as an asshole. I commented on the original post, and this was a prank that embarrassed him in front of all their family and friends. She was extremely dismissive of his feelings and further embarrassed him by trying to convince him that everyone except for him thought the prank was funny.

3:00:55He had enough self-control and common sense to not blow up the wedding reception. Where is the original poster now? They could be separated and she is lying about him coming around to forgive her. I have a crazy take okay my crazy take is that the update is true and they that this was an like they had that strong reaction at first and time passed and they now understand each other and where it went wrong and have come together is that so crazy yeah that's how I feel is it really that insane to think that this could all be true and like yes it felt horrible but then he understood why she made that mistake and why she thought it would be funny and they talked about it and since come together on it like i could see it i mean op does respond to the top comment and says actually we're fine we're fucking good bitches shut the fuck up um no i they add someone says very happy for you hope it will not resurface years down the line as repressed resentment and op goes what possible reason could you have to hope such a thing the hate is ridiculous it's just like so it's so aggressive for the crime i mean again i think that the problem that people are having with it is that op came in saying that they were so shook and deeply shook by this and then instead of hearing from op themselves she's like let me come in and do this so it would have been way better coming from exactly yeah if it came from him great but like her words the words themselves were very respectful and kind and understanding and like loving.

3:02:32So I don't see any problem with that. And it feels like it's not connecting though. Yes. Read between the lines. It just feels so far off from the original post that it's like, I do want to hear from him to believe it. Otherwise I just see this woman who's embarrassed. Now that I'm like, okay, I'm sitting with this. Okay. Yeah. It does feel like she's just embarrassed and doing damage control. And she does have another comment here. the last comment from her, actually he deleted it because our friends and family found it and he didn't feel it reflected how he actually feels. He was writing angry.

3:03:06We then posted this because his post has been shared so much. People were still finding it and we felt our only option was to address it and set the record straight. Feels like a good PR response for a celebrity. But it feels believable. That's exactly what the PR teams do. I believe it. That's so funny. I It should have came from him, though. That's what I think I'm missing from this. Hey, me and my wife are writing this together. But then people would have been like, blink twice if you're okay. Right. That's what I'm missing from it is that I don't think I, I don't know what the initial response to the first post was.

3:03:38So I think if I were coming from this of an angle of like, everyone was so mad at the wife and then she comes in and is like, it's okay, it's okay. Like, then I understand the reaction of, oh, this is a PR cover up type thing. But I think if it was sort of more like balanced of a response, then I think it would make sense for the wife to come in there. Yeah. No, when I hear this, though, like I'm just picturing if I were to do that because I have written out things that are just full of really angry, like over the top anger over something that's really not that big of a deal. and then I cool down and I'm like oh I hope this never gets I'm like delete delete delete like I just need to like sometimes vent and get it out and so I'm thinking if I were to do that post that it gets out everywhere and then my and I'm like like hurtled and like rocking myself back and forth and being like ah and then like my partner is just like can I like do some damage control like I got this babe right yeah like and I'd be like yeah please fix it like I'm feeling so anxious and who knows Justin I feel like he's like nah nah fuck that this this girl's crazy maybe she is but like I have I have some hope that This is just kind of a misunderstanding.

3:04:48I hope so. I mean, I don't know what proof they could post where people would then believe it. I mean, the fact that it came from the same account, it's obviously one of them. You'll never figure it out. We will never know. Just like what's in the box. Never fucking know. Ever. Never. Maybe we need to get on a Zoom call with them. Ask them to Zoom call. Use a voice changer. Yes. Be like, are you guys over this? It's been a year. I'm with you. I feel it's been a year. So they're celebrating their first anniversary right now. Allegedly. I think that the biggest thing here is that maybe she fundamentally misunderstands him.

3:05:27And then but I don't think it was like a cruel joke. I don't think it was this like cruel prank to hurt him. No, I think this is a thing that, yeah, other people have had a really good time doing this on TikTok. And she got caught up in it. I don't know. I could be wrong, though. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. The reality is we could get an update, another update that says, A, happily married, happily XYZ, have a kid, blah, blah, blah. Everything's fine. Never know. Or you could get an update that says, Hey, guys, I have my account back again. I want to give you the real update. I am free.

3:06:11I am rid of this. Just like the person who moved away from the crazy hairstylist, she could have gotten out, is fine. It could be either. Yeah. And we will never know. No, we could. We could. We could. Tune into the next Updates episode. But can we trust it? Clearly we're here because of the updates. If it were her though, couldn't she have been like, hey, it's me again? Sure, but I think the thing for me is she called out the New York Post and that for me sent an obvious sign. Warning sign. It is interesting too. knowing that it was hit in the post, it is interesting that like, yeah, she's the one writing it.

3:06:49She could have easily posted and been like, hey guys, it's me. I'm over this. You know, I realize. We've talked about it. Yeah, so I do think it is interesting because she could have faked being him to make it even smoother. Yeah. If I were her, I think I would literally just go and be like, all right, guys, you caught me. I'm a bitch. He left me. And like go on and at the very end, And be like, psych, that didn't happen at all. Fuck you guys. Really just send us spiraling. Leave us alone. Send us spiraling. Did you hear what you wanted to? Maybe we do a poll on this one. Yeah. Maybe we do the poll.

3:07:28Maybe we put, do you guys think this reconciliation is real? And, you know, he was overreacting. Hey, a lot of people use Reddit as their diary. I get it. You know, we read a lot of those. or is this damage control? Is she got him tied up in the back room and she's keyboard warrior-ing on her own to make this a little better? That visual did it for you, huh? Not even saying he's overreacting. I'm just saying coming. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That's my mistake. I'm not saying coming down from the initial reaction. Damage control, damage control, damage control. No, but when you said that, I'm like, wait, but that's not what I was taking out of it.

3:08:05His feelings are valid, to be clear. if you're getting laughed at by everyone on your wedding day and you don't think it's funny like it's fair that you don't feel good about it. Dude I'd be pissed I'd be so pissed but let us know what you thought about this update episode. Obviously you guys are missing a lot of contacts and conversations we had after each one of these stories all of the original episodes will be linked in the description very clear, easy to find thanks to Bailey and go back and listen and add to the conversation and are there any stories that have stuck with you over the years that we should see if we can track down an update for let us know if you have any the hairdresser one was a story that definitely stuck with me yeah and you're getting responses it's not even public no i'm just just the public updates you're getting i'm getting the big bucks Yeah.

3:09:03But thank you guys so much for being here. I mean, it's been five and a half years of this show. And I really believe that we wouldn't get a lot of these updates without you. I mean, we create so much virality with these stories that like the post picks it up. Like that was, you know what I mean? So I'm not saying that the post necessarily picked it up because of us. It did. It did. It's happening. You know what? I got a message from someone that BuzzFeed likes to scoop what we read. For sure. It's not out of the realm. They probably monitor you. We've got some BuzzFeed workers that are fans, I bet.

3:09:39Hey, guys. Hey. But just thank you so much for being here and being a part of this show and this community. I mean, it's truly so special. And the fact that us four get to be on this couch, now we got Bailey joining. This is just so special. So I appreciate all of you. And let us know if you liked this. Again, if you didn't. Do not let us know. And there's going to be more to come because I have right now in the same doc, six more stories waiting to be updated. So I hope to see you again soon with this theme. Until next time. Until next time. Until next time. Until next time. Bye, guys. Bye.

3:10:29Thank you.