286: Confessions.. 2.0!

28:49So he'll be okay staying in there I guess My husband and I did offer that he stay with us while he thinks but he turned it down My bio father did provide my dad other evidence that he may need screenshots of bio father trying to confront my mom and her line. My husband also made memes of the situation so we can all laugh instead of cry. See, I don't know who to be upset with. Like, are you upset with bio dad? I mean, I just think it'd be such a mix of emotions. You wouldn't really know what to feel. I honestly think the only person I would be upset if this were me and this would be my mom. For sure.

29:31Because she was the one that knew. Right. She was the one that chose to step out on her marriage and have this affair. The other guy, best friend, which again, I'm so curious how they became best friends after the affair. Still a puzzle. But he's trying not to rock the boat. They're still married. He's not going to be like, that's my baby and blow everyone's life up. Right. And the dad, who is your dad at the end of the day, he's none the wiser. Like he doesn't know any of this. So the only one to really be mad at for, you know, having this lie and keeping everyone in the dark for so long is mom.

30:10Yeah. And I know, you know, bio dad being like, I'm sorry I was such a absentee father. Yeah, that's true. That's shitty. But your mom didn't open the door for him, but you're going to feel how you want to feel. And no matter what you're feeling, it's not wrong. Yeah. I, I went through like getting my DNA test results back and like every day until I got it back, I was just like praying there was some mistake. And like Jerry was my dad, which Jerry, if you don't know, this is who I call my dad, but he's not my bio dad. He adopted me and all of my brothers, but him and my mom were like dating on and off.

30:49And then I was an oops baby. And so it It was like kind of this complicated thing. So to be faced with this like identity crisis, it is so jarring and it's tough, but you have an amazing husband. I love that he made memes, so supportive. I want to see some of them. Just send me a DM if you don't want to share publicly. It sounds like your dad too is great. And we've had so many reactions on this show where a dad will find out, you know, biologically, not my kid and they freak out and that's not what you're getting here and I know you're going to be just fine but obviously you're grieving something that you thought was your truth and you'll work your way through it but whatever you're feeling is okay yeah yeah that was a wild ride thank you for sharing and on to the next one okay this episode is brought to you by credit karma breathe in.

31:51Now breathe out. You feel that? That's the calm of having Intuit Credit Karma in your corner. If you're trying to get your life together in this crazy world, Credit Karma is a great place to start with the money stuff. Your credit score isn't just a number. It can unlock better rates, more options, and real savings. So whether you're moving, leasing a car, or upgrading your cards, it feels good knowing your credit is working for you. When you start to feel like there's too much on your plate, you can count on credit karma for less craziness and more credit. Based on the title for this next one, if you're eating lunch, breakfast, dinner, maybe skip or maybe just pause until you're done eating because I think this one might be a little little icky you want to know a fun fact yeah i've never been bothered about stuff like that while eating i don't know what it is i could see horrible things in front of me hear horrible things and i'll still just eat like it's popcorn at a movie no no not even for stuff i like movie's a bad example because generally you enjoy the movie like fear factor survivor when they're eating or doing the gross stuff.

33:06Oh yeah. I, if they're gagging, I start gagging. I'm a sympathetic gagger. See, I can just eat right through it. It doesn't, there's that. I don't know. Well, let's see. Let's see if this, I wish I had a snack cause I'd eat it right now. God, this is coming from r slash confessions titled one of my butt worms got on his finger. Just one. I, 18 female, and my boyfriend, 18 male, were being a bit silly and making butt finger jokes. I told him my butt was itchy and joked about it being the threadworms I had a month or two prior. He unexpectedly shoved his finger all the way up my bum, parentheses, it was consensual, and in shock, I just sat up and stared.

33:54I grabbed his hand because I wanted to make sure he didn't just get my poop on his finger. And that's when I saw it. A tiny white line on his finger. I looked at it closer, thinking it might have been like a piece of thread or something. No, it was alive and wiggling. There was no poop on his finger at all. Just a worm. He wiped it on a tissue, walked to the kitchen and poured a quarter of the dish soap all over his hand. We're both humiliated. I'm taking this with me to the grave, hence the throwaway account. That's all. That's all we got. Just that. Well, it's certainly worse than getting poop on your hand.

34:42I would rather have the poop. But also to just like stick your finger up someone's asshole. Like What if she was about to be groundhogging or turtling and you just and you feel a turd? It's just the way it goes. It comes with the territory. Oh my God. Like, you know, put your hand in an anthill, you're going to get ants on your hand. It's just kind of just the way it goes. You know what I learned? So I'm obsessed with Jen Hamilton. I find her to be just the most cute, relatable person ever on TikTok. I'm trying to get her on the show. please go spam her comments. I just, I'd love to have her on.

35:22But Jen Hamilton talks about when people are giving birth and they like go to look and feel like you can feel poop through the vaginal wall. And so you can press on the bottom and scoop it out. So then, then people won't poop themselves as they push. I don't know if that's the way I'd like to be segued into the story. I don't know how I got there, but it just popped into my head. By the way, the story reminds me of like, okay, but all right. But the back to the worm. How does the worm end up there? It sounds like she has parasites. I've never seen a thread worm in my life. Oh yeah, they look nasty.

36:09Nasty little things. It honestly looks like a finely ground piece of Parmesan. See, I could eat pasta while looking at that. It doesn't bother me. Dude. Yeah, I would want to put a firecracker in my butt and light it off. To get rid of the worms? I don't even know what that would feel. I would want to drink rubbing alcohol. Justin, that's not medical advice. Do not do this. You can just go to your doctors and No, that's in Thousand Ways to Die. The guy that bathed in rubbing alcohol. I know because his pores, everything absorbed it. Yes. You're absorbed through your skin. Don't do that. Think about the next time you're in a hot tub where everyone's peeing.

36:51Don't do it. I feel like - What's the condition? Threadworms. You need to get a parasite cleanse. Your doctor - Where do you get them? You get them from other people. How? From them shoving their fingers up there? The boyfriend's very comfortable with her asshole. He's probably giving her rim jobs. Okay. He's tongue punching her fart box. So they came from his tongue. He's got the worms too. Where? In the same place? Yeah, in his ass. Yeah. So how does one, how does a worm, how does it originate? Just toilet seat to toilet seat? No. I'm trying to avoid this. It says here you can get them from family members and in schools or child care centers.

37:37Oh, another thing you have to worry about with kids. Your kids coming home with worms. Head lice, now worms. How do they spread? Because what are the kids doing? Eating each other's poop? No. Are they poopy hands? If those worms were in the house, we're getting out of the house and we're lighting the thing on fire. I think a lot of people have worms and we just don't know. Lovely. Yeah. My friend, Chill, Alexis, if you were at our Arizona Live show a couple years ago, you met her. She pulled a tapeworm out of her dog's ass. Great. So she could have tapeworms now. I don't know. I don't know how any of it works.

38:11Probably does. We all just have worms. So we have a comment here. So you still have worms, dot, dot, dot? And it's possible he will too. Someone responds, if they're fingering each other's assholes, they definitely both have it. LOL. well. Right. Well, yeah. Next comment down, saw the title and still decided to read this. The fuck is wrong with me? True. Someone goes, dude, same. And another comment, go see a doctor, both of you. I mean, do we not like assume that's what happened right after? How do, if that happens and you're just like, well, what should we get for dinner? What are If you're watching tonight, there's no way.

38:59I'd immediately be going to urgent care. Do not pass go. Give me the bill. Just give me a parasite cleanse. I might call an ambulance. I need these worms out of my asshole. I mean, if you're literally, if you're just sticking a finger up and pulling it out and having a worm on it, you've got to be infested. Yeah. How far up do they go? The whole colon, probably. See, I would feel like they're inside me everywhere. In my fingers and my toes. Chime in. I would feel like I just, I don't know. I would not know what to do with myself. No, I'm uncomfortable. I'm very uncomfortable. So OP does have a comment that she thinks she got it from his younger siblings because she basically lives with them.

39:43Okay. So how do we prevent this in our future? Lice, worms, any of this. I understand we're going to get sick a lot because that's just what comes with it. To prevent threadworms, also known as pinworms, you must stop the tiny eggs from entering your mouth. How is that so hard? What are they sharing? Clean your fingernails with a nail brush. Use warm water and soap. This can happen from changing diapers and then not washing your hands or then touching food. So kids just have them. It's just default. Babies have worms. I think kids, especially if they're, you know, going to daycare and things like that, stuff spreads quick.

40:28Daycare, school, not saying that either of those places are bad. Obviously, kids need to go there. But I mean. Do you remember when we were at Disney and we saw the kid licking the handrail? I'm not touching anything anymore. Like the in line for the ride, just along the whole rail. Dude, kids are nasty. Pinworms. Worms and shit. Yeah. Are we sure we want to do this? How many people out there have had your kids get worms? I need to know now. And did you get worms from your kids? There's probably other types too. Oh, there's a lot of worms. Yeah. There's a lot of other steps to clean your house.

41:05Don't shake the laundry. Wash in hot water. Don't shake it. Clean hard surfaces. Rinse toothbrushes. Explain shake the laundry. If you shake it, it can send microscopic eggs floating into the air. Who's shaking laundry? What does that even mean? What do you shake it for? Oh my god I don't know Shake the dirt off of it And then No I don't know I'm disgusted We're moving along See I still have a full appetite It's so weird I'm not into it But I just have a full appetite still You're gonna be known as like the Worm boy Pin worm boy I'm not the pin worm boy I can just eat through stuff Okay see if you could eat through this.

41:50Get your popcorn. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry. So you're always supported during an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. I guess because this one's a doozy too. This is coming from r slash relationship advice titled, My 19 female, significant other, 22 female, has been ignoring quarantine to attend orgies.

42:37Now this is a little vintage. It's coming from 5-13-2020. Classic. So COVID times. What a year. Okay, so this is a lot for me to unpack. A little bit of context. Been dating my significant other for nine months now. She's bi, and I'm still discovering myself a bit. It's been a good relationship aside from occasional arguments about my religious values. I was raised Catholic and prefer to save myself until marriage. We fooled around a bit, but nothing too much. Hadn't really dated anyone before, and she really got me out of my shell. She's a bit of a private person, I always assumed that she was introverted like me.

43:17I didn't think she was intentionally keeping secrets. For the last five months or so, she'd been going to group therapy sessions. It made me worried that she might be depressed. Sometimes I would ask if I could go with her, but she would get defensive and say that it's too personal for her. I respected her wishes, but I felt shut out. Sometimes I would notice her texting members from the group, and it was like she had developed a new friend circle that I wasn't allowed to meet. Significant other goes to these meetings on a bi-weekly basis. The meetings were still happening during quarantine, which surprised me.

43:55We live in the UK and things are pretty strict here. Only strange thing I noticed in the past was a weird phone call that I got from her. I heard some heavy breathing, like she was suffocating. I freaked and started screaming mean for her to answer. She said, pocket dial oops and hung up. I made her explain it to me when she got back and she said it was a super emotional session. Fast forward to this week, we had a fight about sex, specifically my hesitation of it. And I told her it doesn't help that she is so distant. We started to calm down a bit and then she asked what she could do to open up.

44:37I said going to one of her counseling meetings might be a start, but she got very defensive. Told me I was being too invasive and I shouldn't give her ultimatums. I wasn't trying to force anything. It was just a suggestion and I'd never want to make her uncomfortable. We didn't really talk after that argument and things were worse than ever. Last night, significant another, went to one of her group meetings. I decided to follow her. Yes. I know this sounds really shitty of me, but after that pocket dial and everything going on, I had to know what was up. I thought maybe I could speak to a head counselor or something, tell her I loved her and was just worried.

45:20Maybe we could figure this out together. I follow her to this old-looking community center. Nothing weird, right? She goes in and I start to second guess what I'm doing there. I think it over in my head for a good 15 minutes or so and then I decide to step in. I'm pretty tense as I do this, feeling so much guilt. Walking through a hallway when I hear a faint music coming from one of the rooms. Figured it must be a social event. As I walked towards it, I hear music and noise coming from the other rooms. I open the door and briefly notice some people going at it. Embarrassed, I quickly close the door and go to check one of the other rooms.

46:03I gradually open another door and peer in carefully, even more confused as I see people sprawled across the floor having sex. I think the floor had mattresses on it, and at the back of the room, I saw my significant other grinding against some stranger. I was in shock and darted out of the building. Don't think she saw me. I've been typing this out over and over, trying to come to terms with it. I haven't spoken to her since she got back. She probably thinks we're not talking because of our fight. I don't even know who I can talk to about this, and I feel so isolated not being able to talk about this with my significant other.

46:44I'm kind of freaking out about her not social distancing. She's the only person I have physical contact with, and this unnerves me now. How can I broach this subject with her? Is there any way I can talk to her without her feeling spied on? What's the best way to resolve the tension between my values and her romantic needs? I know this is a lot, but so much is going around in my mind right now, and I feel like my trust has been violated. I don't hate her for this. It's just a lot to process. Any advice would be really appreciated. So are they officially together? I mean, significant other. Are they exclusive?

47:25I, 19 female, have been dating my significant other, 22 female, for nine months now. So arguably. There's no, we are exclusive. But there's also not, we are in an open relationship. Correct. which people generally mention. Correct. So yeah, it's shitty and it's cheating. And from doing a million of these types of relationship stories on Father Knows and on this show, I don't really think there is a path forward. Hell no. Because the needs are so different. Have all the orgies you want. Don't lie to me and say it's counseling and oops, you pocket dialed me while you were fucking somebody. But oh no, it was just a really emotional session.

48:09what the fuck well but you can also understand the type of person op is so inexperienced very sweet very just trying to figure this out and very kind and like accommodating but it's like their first relationship so they're being taken advantage of it sucks but we all need to go through a little bit of that at some point so that we know what we're not going to put up with in the future and what actually is a good partner for us. That aside, technically, technically it is group therapy. So I get it's wrong, I get it's cheating, but technically the term kind of works, kind of works. It's probably very therapeutic and they're in a group setting.

48:58The other thing is that I'm shocked it was in a That it's in a What'd they call it? It looked like a community center A community center I don't think This is so strange I don't think I would trust a community center orgy I would go to I would, you know, think it was at a home Someone's house So I've had friends that have gone to sex parties And it usually is in like Someone's condo What community center is this with mattresses all over the floor? No, to me, I'm like, this was being described. And I'm like, it's giving abandoned hospital that they've brought in mattresses. Yeah. And I don't know about that.

49:41This is giving unsafe. And that's the other thing of this, where OP is like, I'm saving myself until marriage, but like, we're still being intimate. We're still doing stuff. What is this partner doing to prevent STDs? And you're not telling me. I'm not fully able to consent to sex with you because you are hiding what you're doing with other people from me You're not being honest Right I'm thinking we're monogamous and that you're actually going to therapy When in reality you're having sex with a bunch of people I don't know if you're being safe and you're lying to me about it Not to mention the covid strains back then were nuts Yeah Like we got fucked up I still feel like I have covid stuff and this is From that though Early covid This is like, what was this, May?

50:26Yes. May and like COVID really shut things down like end of April. So. This is like a couple of weeks into COVID. And the UK got hit really hard. And we didn't know what it was going to turn out to be at that point. No. Could have been I am legend. We don't know. Yeah. Like you don't know. Yeah, no, you don't. So are we reading this now because there's an update now? I don't know, dude. I'm just thinking like, I'm trying to go to 2020 mind and think like, okay, first of all, yeah, COVID, that's a risk in itself. B, we have the STDs. C, we have a lying, cheating partner, significant other. Asshole.

51:12Who's really not a partner. Not a partner. Like your biggest op. This is the first big thing that's happened relationship-wise for you. That's a big learning lesson, I guess. So you got to, like, the bright side is you'll now know what this looks like when another partner is being sketchy and you can call it out way quicker. Yeah. Well, and that's the other part of this. You had to follow her to get the truth. Which probably was kind of fun, but also very scary. Oh, my heart would be beating out of my chest. I would be sick. Especially when you open the first door. Oh, the trauma of having to follow your partner to get the truth.

51:56And you think, I'm just going to the therapy session. Maybe I can talk to the main counselor. Maybe, you know, we can go through and figure this out together and be stronger. And then you find out she's going to sex parties the whole time. Which again, my problem is not with the sex parties. Have fun if that's what you want to do. But if you got someone at home that thinks you're monogamous and you're going to therapy and you're lying Not okay. So how would you bring it up? I'd say hey, would you just be done and not even say anything? No, I'd say hey we I would yes I'd break up with her on the spot, right?

52:28And i'd be like This is because you are lying to me. I know about your sex parties I know that you don't actually go to group therapy because you don't have to say you followed You just I would never ever Me I don't need to but i'm done and wish you well thank you very much goodbye and the top comment does kind of recommend that too i mean it only has 526 upvotes i think this whole thing kind of flew under the radar a little bit but lizzo sorus says you seem to still be in the hurt slash shock phase of all of this but i suggest you move quickly into anger your partner's not only been lying to your face for quite some time what's the likelihood that you followed her to the first orgy she attended about trying to take care of her mental health, which she knew you would support and respect, but then has been gaslighting you into feeling guilty for asking questions out of concern for her mental health and wanting to be closer to her, if it all stopped there, that would be enough reason to leave right away.

53:29This is not what people who care about each other do to one another. I'm so, so sorry that your first real relationship has to teach this lesson so awfully. Yeah. But to make matters worse, We're in the middle of a freaking global pandemic. One of the most offensive parts of cheating to me has always been the idea that your partner's desire for sex rules over their concern for your health, possibly giving you an STD without your knowledge. You and your partner aren't having sex right now, thank God, but this is almost worse. The whole world understands how easily COVID is transferable, and now she's putting your life at risk every time she goes out just to get off?

54:08All caps. She doesn't care about you. Please, please consider leaving before she or you get sick. No matter what you decide to tell her you know or how she tries to beg you to stay, understand that when she thought you weren't looking, she put your life at risk just to grind on a stranger and then come home to you. Yeah, the manipulation is really bad. Using the group therapy mentality because you would, you know, you would fully support your partner wanting to better themselves. Absolutely. I mean, that's why like OP, you know, a lot of people might use the word naive, but I think OP was just like so hopeful and really wanted to be a good partner in this first relationship of theirs and was almost too accommodating because of that and too kind and too permissive.

54:58permissive. And it's just like, oh, you think you're doing what's right and trying to be what a good partner is. But in the meantime, you've been getting gaslit, lied to, taken advantage of, and that sucks. Well, yeah. And then there's nothing like getting burned while you're doing that. We both know. I know a lot of people do question like orgy being held in a community building. Right. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised though. Like I think about a small town, Minnesota, there's multiple little town halls you can rent. I'm thinking about the Solway town hall located in Munger. And when you rent the building, they come bring you the keys and the whole thing's yours for the day.

55:45Yeah. They're not like watching what you're doing in the building. Sure. But I always think like, what about the janitor that rolls through and doesn't know? What about the blah blah blah technician that was hired to fix something like that just walks in? I could see this. Because they're not being that discreet. No, but I mean they're shutting the doors to the rooms they're going in. Like up north in Minnesota there's old schools that have been converted to community centers. Kind of the same vibe. I mean they seem very open with their parameters. It seems like there were a lot of people there in all these rooms.

56:18Which create a lot of noise even if the door is shut. insane to me. But we do get a little baby update. Update, it's still very hard to cope with this, but your advice has helped put some things into perspective. I'm not ready to flat out break up with her as I've shared a lot with her emotionally. I'm going to contact some family and see if I can stay with them. I realize now that I shouldn't stay with her since she's been ignoring social distancing. The conversation about my moving out won't be easy. I'll do it tonight. We'll update you all. I am grateful for the support, however critical it may be of my attitude about this.

57:00Also, I'm a girl if that wasn't clear. It's very clear. And then we get a longer update. Yep. Yep. Run it. I'm nervous. A lot has happened, and I'd like to think this chapter of my life is over now. But still, early days yet, I guess. Thank you all for the support and advice. After all the feedback from you read it, I knew I had to move out and break up with her. I packed my essentials, and I contacted my family, asking if I could move home. When I finally told significant other about what I was doing, she didn't understand why I would leave and asked for an explanation. I told her that I knew about everything and how she'd been lying to me, as well as risking my health during quarantine.

57:49This quickly turned into a shouting match. I'll admit that I didn't do much of the shouting. I began tearing up. She called me a prudy bitch and said I was too draining. for her anyways. Even told me that I'd be at square one if I moved back in with my parents. When my parents, 55 female and 53 male, arrived to pick me up, significant other kept giving us dirty looks from the window. As we left, I started crying again. I gradually explained everything to my parents during the car ride home. I don't know if they believed me. They laughed at one point. My dad laughed and said it was probably one of those dogging sites.

58:33I guess my parents couldn't help but laugh at how bizarre this is. As we arrived home, mom said that if I was serious, I should give her the details, address of the community center, etc., so she can report it. She said she'll organize collecting the rest of my belongings from the flat. That way, I don't have to worry about seeing significant other. All things considered, my parents have been more supportive than I could have hoped. They never really approved of my relationship with her. Fortunately, for the most part, they've been very caring given the circumstances. This is far from the outcome I had hoped for.

59:10I think all of your tough advice made me realize how dependent I was on significant other and how easily she could manipulate me. I've got a lot of work to do on myself, so I'm just going to take it easy for now. I'm going to try and take a break from social media. Despite the support from Reddit, I received some harassment after my initial post. I'm not bitter about these hurtful comments, but I don't feel confident enough to read through stuff like that right now. I've told my parents I don't care about the outcome of their report to the authorities. I would rather just put all of this behind me because right now I feel very stupid.

59:47I feel exhausted. This update is my effort to try and vent So sorry for the rant once again. Thank you reddit for the help. I really needed it Yeah Well, and you're really not I mean square one's better than where you were You're not even in square one negative square. No, she was just being a manipulative bitch. Yeah again Trying to manipulate you trying to use whatever insecurity you have against you and I mean op We've got a lot of nuance here a lot of context We don't have but catholic still very somewhat religious trying to grapple with what her sexuality means with the religion parents that didn't really like significant other maybe because of the sexuality of it i mean there's so much here so the partner significant other knows this and then it's gonna be like you're gonna go back to square one like that is manipulation to keep her from actually breaking up with her and leaving, which is crazy.

1:00:47And to be confronted, I know what you've been doing and you immediately turned this into a shouting match. You're unhinged. That's how you know you're right. And you need to work on yourself. Like you're not fit for a relationship right now and don't take it out on me. Well, and why would you want a relationship right now? just it seems you're very passionate about the single life or an open relationship i mean find someone that you can be open and honest with and maybe wants to go to these parties with you and you know like you don't have to hold a blindfold over someone so you can have your cake eat it too and take advantage of them and manipulate them yeah that's unhinged yeah i she's so young but what a powerful experience to have so young because going forward your radar is going to be so clocked in you're going to know what you deserve and you're going home with your parents you get you know to unpack and have more time with them and just figure your life out and hey if they're unsupportive about who you date going forward then you know you can get back on your feet and move out and live on your own yeah and not move in with a partner right away but you know get on your own two feet and have some freedom and boundaries with them that make it so your relationship is good.

1:02:12I mean, positive, positive ending. I know it sucks, but it is going to get better. What you learn is, I don't want to say worth it, but it does really impact going forward so that you can avoid this. Because there's people also that don't learn and they go from bad to bad to bad to bad. That was me. High school, beginning of college. We had some rough times with guys. For me, it was the one just unbelievably bad experience. And then how about you? Yeah. But you dated in New York. You had a spread in your wings. Yeah. But I think that there's more of I missed the discovery phase of high school, college.

1:03:05So I feel like that was almost flipped with serious relationship. Then that sort of discovery phase, which allowed for me to heal and truly heal. So then I had all that experience and it was like, all right, I'm ready to find the one, you know? Because then I think if you prematurely find the one, it can also be tough too. Yeah. Even if they end up being the one, because we've seen the people that then go and break up for a while and go figure it out and then they do come back. So it's interesting. I know. Everyone has such unique journeys and it's beautiful to see. But I think at the end of the day, just like make sure you're happy.

1:03:48Make sure your partner is supportive and loving and a team player. and... I don't think how refreshing that'll be. I know. For the next person she finds. Exactly. Okay. I'm very excited about this next story. So let's get into it. This next story is brought to you by State Farm. How does that famous saying go? By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. Yeah. Let me tell you, I hate being underprepared. I cannot do it. It gives me anxiety. so that is one thing I really try to stick to even if I procrastinate a little bit I am prepared and when you take the time to prepare for the moments that matter like talking to a state farm agent you set yourself up for success this next person really set themselves up for success so this is coming from a post on r slash ask reddit it's titled what's a secret you'll never tell your partner, but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit.

1:04:53Yeah. And here is the comment. My girlfriend of five years has been deaf since she was six. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers sign language. I didn't know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away that there was something between us. So I started learning after I got home from our first date. Fast forward a few years. I'm now fluent in ASL, and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she's not looking, though, I talk to her even though she can't hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I'm going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc.

1:05:34I've even been practicing proposing, so it's not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea, and I plan to keep it that way. I mean, it still doesn't make it any, trust me, you can practice a million times, but that's one where I don't think you can ever truly be prepared. Did you get down on one knee? Did you practice kneeling? Well, in my workouts, of course. I mean, that's why Alejandra said I had such good form. Yeah, she did say that. Perfect 90 degrees. Yeah, she was impressed. Just because of the split squat. I mean, I did all the time. Okay, okay. I guess I was prepared in that sense, yeah.

1:06:11Yeah. I absolutely love this. I think like preparing for this huge life event, practicing your signs. But I mean, look at the effort he went through for this relationship, felt the spark and then learned a whole nother language to be a part of her world and actually communicate. Yeah. This is absolutely beautiful. And we have some really good, feel good comments too. So the secret is that he talks to her when she's not looking. Is that the secret? Yeah. Cause that's the, what you would never tell. Yeah, like when her back is turned, she's not able to see him read his lips or their lips. There actually is no mention in the post here, the comment, but is like out loud being like, I love you.

1:06:55You're so beautiful, but she can't hear. It doesn't sound like, you know, cochlear implant or anything like that. So no, it's like out of a movie. That's how I pictured it. It's like a movie scene. It's just so cute. And the comments are really heartwarming too. Someone goes, dude, from the mother of two young deaf daughters, thank you the fucking world feels scarily unaccommodating sometimes and it's so good to know hearts like yours are out there OP responds my girlfriend often feels like the rest of the world would rather she didn't exist so I go out of my way to show how glad I am that she does all it takes is one person who really cares to make all the difference so try to be that difference for your daughters it helps them more than they'll ever say yeah ugh I'm like about to cry someone else says I need an update on this that's wonderful it's surprising how many family members of deaf people don't learn sign language OP responds she's lucky her immediate family are all fluent and most of her extended family has learned at least a few simple phrases and words my side of the family has started learning too since they know she'll be a part of the family pretty soon.

1:08:05Most deaf people aren't so lucky. I'm really glad she has such good people in her life. And then we get an update! Okay, I was hoping that this was headed. Shoot. Oh my gosh. After all the comments urging me not to wait, I decided to do it. Life is too short to waste even a day. I bought a very nice ring, silver with three small diamonds. It's nothing too special, but is exactly her style and expensive by our standards without breaking the bank, so it was perfect. I told her family my plans and they approved, of course. My family was 100 % behind it too. With that arranged, I started planning the proposal.

1:08:48Both of us had already agreed that we didn't want it to be a huge disruptive event, just the two of us. No family to make a scene. She trusted me to pick a good place. I decided on the beach and we happened to live just a few hours from one of the best beaches in the world, so it was perfect. Our anniversary was coming up, and we both had the day off. We planned to go to a local museum, but I asked to change plans to the beach. She was definitely a little suspicious, but she didn't say anything at the time. At the beach, I let the first few hours pass normally, just relaxing, playing in the waves, having snacks.

1:09:26I kept the ring hidden in a zippered pocket in my shorts, and even though I knew it was safe, I think I checked it every five minutes at least. When the sun started going down, I led her away from the crowded area to a more secluded spot. We had a great view of the water, the sun, and some boats further out, but a cluster of palm trees and low bushes blocked us from other people. At this point, she realized something was up. She started looking at me funny, so I knew I had to be quick. I reached for the ring and dot dot dot. This is where the anxiety hit. I'm not a very confident person. I knew she would say yes and I knew I'd planned everything perfectly.

1:10:06There was no possible reason this could go badly, but I was still nearly paralyzed. That's probably why I dropped the ring. Telling you, you can't be prepared for it. And as soon as I grabbed the ring, it slipped out of my fingers and got lost in the sand. I fucking panicked. I got on my knees and started digging through the sand like an animal. The whole time she was trying to ask me what was going on. I wanted to explain, but where would I even start? I found it after about 10 seconds, which felt like 10 hours, luckily unharmed. As soon as I picked it up, she saw it and realized what had happened.

1:10:48She completely froze for a second and then started shaking and wheezing like she was having an asthma attack. Then I panicked again because I had no clue what was happening and I thought something was even more wrong than it already was. Then I realized she was crying and laughing at the same time and I started crying and laughing too. I figured the proposal was already a mess so it couldn't get any worse. I held it up to her and just said, quote, I think you dropped this. Oh no, it sounded a lot better in my head, to be fair. She fucking lost it. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh that much.

1:11:29Once we both calmed down, I did it right, and of course, she said yes. Despite the complications, it couldn't have gone better, and we're both very happy. We talked about the wedding a little, and it will probably be sometime next summer, but we haven't decided yet. I'm not expecting to make another post on this account after this. As far as I'm concerned, our story is told and now it's time for the next one to start. I have no idea what's next for us after the wedding. We've talked about living in a van to travel the country so maybe that. Whatever happens, we'll still be together and I'll still be talking behind her back as long as I can.

1:12:08To all you guys, I hope you all have wonderful lives. there's someone out there for all of us just be patient and you'll find them and if you found them but haven't made it official yet do it life is short and you only get one so you shouldn't waste a single moment of it don't let anything hold you back so yeah like that story that story is so much better than if it had gone perfectly and the sun was shining perfectly i don't know i i it makes It takes for a good story to tell. It really does. It just makes it more fun and so prim and proper. I don't know. I thought what you were going to say.

1:12:45However it happens is beautiful and special. Well, I thought what you were going to say is, and then we got to the right place. I reached down and after checking all day, the ring wasn't in the pocket. I thought that's where you were headed. But I mean, kind of with the dropping. Yeah. Stuff gets lost quick in the sand. But to say, I think you dropped this. Oh, buddy. But she loved it. She loved it. So clearly, good match. Beautiful proposal. Beautiful couple. So cute. But hey, he prepared as best he could. He went the extra mile. And if he wouldn't have prepared, maybe the ring would have gotten lost.

1:13:26Maybe it wouldn't have gone so well. Maybe she wouldn't have said yes. Big life moments can come with a lot of change, but when you take the time to prepare, like talking with a State Farm agent, you set yourself up for what may come next. I mean, give yourself the best odds, right? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Okay, we could end the episode here because, you know, it would be a full episode still, but not doing that for you guys, but do have to run to a work dinner, and then we will be back to finish out confessions. So enjoy this ad. Ready to get back into this? Yes. Okay, here we go.

1:14:02Story number six for you guys. This is coming from our very own Tua Takes subreddit, titled, I found underwear in my closet that are not mine, and I think my mother-in-law planted them. Need advice. Hi, guys. Long-time listener to the show. Please give me advice. Let me give some context here. I'm trying to make this as short as I can. So I, 29 female, have been married to my husband, 33 male for almost five years. We've been together for eight. I am a stay-at-home mom to two kids ages four and 10 months old. A little over a year ago, we packed up and moved states because I've always wanted to live in the South, and my husband found a great job.

1:14:44I gave birth last September, a few months after we got settled into the new house, and we're extremely happy. My husband has never been unfaithful. We never really fight. We are truly best friends and work so well together. Well, a few months ago, I go to our closet. It's a walk-in closet in our bathroom, and I go to my bathing suit bin that's sitting on a shelf in our closet. Sitting right on top is a pair of women's underwear that I have never seen before, not my size, and dot dot dot dot, not used. Like crusty dry discharge in them, and they were kind of winched at the bottom and just used.

1:15:25Side note, because we moved states, my family comes to visit and stays with us for three or four days at a time. We're really close. I asked my mom and sister if the underwear were theirs. They said no. I asked them probably 100 times now, and they swear on everything that it's not theirs and they have never seen them before in their life. Which I believe because we're extremely close, my kids love them, and my husband has a great relationship with them. Also, those underwear are not really their size. My husband swears on everything, that he has absolutely no idea where they could have possibly come from and that he wouldn't ever cheat on me.

1:16:08And I believe him too. I'm a stay-at-home mom and since we are still kind of new to the area, and I don't have many friends here, and he works 45 minutes away from our home, it just doesn't make sense that another woman would be in our home. Any possibility you can think of, I've thought of. The closet was 100 % completely cleaned out before we moved in, and I also did a deep dive on it before we put clothes in. Was any other woman in this house? This leads to one suspect, my husband's mother. I could probably sit here and write for hours of the context and all of the terrible fights and awful things his mother has said to me and about me.

1:16:49She is really crazy and I truly do not like her. Well, when we moved in and I gave birth, his parents wanted to come visit. They got a hotel and they were only in my home about two hours. She went to use the bathroom and that was the only other woman, that I know of at least, in our home. My husband swears it is his mother's and that she planted them there to start something between me and him. That's the only truly believable explanation we have. Is this too far-fetched? I bring this up to my husband so much since it happened months ago. His parents wanted to visit again in a few months for my daughter's first birthday, and I do not want to see them.

1:17:35But I also can't prove that it is his mother and obviously have not confronted her about it. The underwear were found shortly after she visited as well. The underwear were not there before her visit, as I use my bathing suit bin a lot because of where we live. Is my husband cheating? Is this mother-in-law's? Is someone playing a sick joke? I'm going crazy. What do I do? Pick of crusty underwear in the comments Just over and over with the crusty Just over and over Here's the I don't need to see the crusty Underwear It doesn't really like show the crotch You're not getting Yeah it does Of you But like you're not seeing Why is it dark?

1:18:19I think that's a shadow You're not seeing like the inner lining of the underwear So you're not seeing the discharge I don't know if that's a shadow So anyway, few things. Okay. I think that most people that cheat, well, I think most people I'd like to think that they're not dumb enough to do it at home. But then again, so many people get caught at home. We've seen it. I guess if you're dumb enough to cheat, you're dumb enough to think you can bring someone home and get away with it. Even if that's the case, how do they end up up there? Just because we've heard about people planting, even mistresses or nails, eyelashes, planting things around, jewelry.

1:19:03And that'd be a weird, I don't know. It just, and also if this is mother-in-law, then mother-in-law's an idiot because that's the worst place to plant them. Might as well put them on the kitchen counter. But no, I don't think he's cheating. I think you'd have a feeling about that, especially because I don't think it would be at home regardless. this. I mean, there's no mention of cameras in the house. OP, stay-at-home mom, doesn't seem like traveling a lot, especially with a, you know, 10-month-old newborn. So probably not leaving the house that much, especially for extended stays where the opportunity to bring someone back could happen.

1:19:42But hey, we've seen some crazy things over the years. Anything is possible when people want to cheat. Like they will find a way. That's not my gut feeling. Do I think that's what's happening? it is interesting that mother-in-law would plant those underwear. I mean, I believe the brand is Hanes. They give very homely underwear. They give like 1940s. Yeah. They're a flower pattern, bikini cut. Like, so they're granny panties, as one would say. It's not lingerie. It's not a thong. It's not anything, I don't know, cute, which leads me to believe it was very, very unplanned because I do think if an affair partner was going to come in and plant underwear, I do think it would have been sexy lingerie, a thong, something with maybe a little rhinestone on it.

1:20:36And I don't think an affair partner would have planted dirty underwear. I think what happened is mom went to the bathroom, sitting there going pee, got this crazy intrusive idea, batshit diabolical, if it is mother-in-law, and took her underwear off and put him in the bikini bin. Like, she didn't plan to do this because otherwise if she would have planned, I'm assuming she would have left clean underwear. That's why the whole thing is, it doesn't make any, it's just stupid. Crime of passion. I mean, she just was like, I'm going to stir the pot here. and it is also crazy like you're coming to visit your son and daughter-in-law and meet their new baby and you take your underwear off and plant them and this is when you're gonna stir the pot like you really hate this woman like she's freshly postpartum and you're like let me throw a wrench into this let me plant my underwear so she thinks my son her husband is having an affair yeah I mean it's absolutely deranged but a lot of people also could look at this and be like kind of convenient that the husband is jumping right to blaming his mom too like oh yeah must be my mom haha yeah a lot of people could go that way I don't have that gut feeling but then again when I've been cheated on I also didn't have a gut feeling until it was pretty far along so it's hard it's hard to say, but I would then just have my guard up regardless.

1:22:09I don't think I'm going to be one to start going through phones and do that because even if I had found underwear tossed up in somewhere, cause we've found random clothing items that we can't explain. And with all the cameras and stuff we got going on, it just literally is impossible. So it's like a ghost or I don't know what's going on. But I've never then been like, oh, yep, cheating. Someone's been here. Yeah, no, we do find a lot of crazy clothes. But I think there's like, we've got friends that come and stay. We've got my brother. I borrowed my brother's clothes from Minnesota to wear his like grubby clothes.

1:22:48But if I found another woman's underwear, I'd be like, what the fuck is this? Like I'd be sketched out like our writer here. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I would just look for other signs then. But I don't want to jump right into, I'm going to force there to be a problem when there's not. Yeah. I think I would quietly be more of a detective waiting for other signs. Because I don't think I would be convinced. I'm not beyond a reasonable doubt. I'm gonna keep my guard up around mother-in-law and then i'm gonna see if anything else weird Shows up without her involvement. So that would be my plan In-laws want to come over for baby's first birthday?

1:23:36Come on over but there's gonna be cameras hidden in my closet now There's gonna be cameras in my room because I imagine there's multiple bathrooms in the house There's no reason for you to come and use the primary suites bathroom unless someone is Violently shitting themselves in the other Sure But I'd let them come And I'd have some cameras And then you have proof That oh no she is stirring the pot And placing this We do get a picture of the bikini bin In the closet It's a clear bin Very open shelves It's clear that Whoever placed them there Wanted them to be found But what's the point of placing them there?

1:24:18I get that so she would see them And not him It's a spot that husband wouldn't touch. Husband could help with laundry. Husband could then find and throw them away. It's a spot that only our writer would likely find. Which if you're a mistress or a mother-in-law that wants to start an affair, thought you only want the wife to find it. Bikini bin. It's logical. Yeah. So a lot of people respond to that picture. that was 100 % intentionally placed. Makes me think your mother-in-law did it to start something. I still can't get over the fact that they were crusty used ones. There's something seriously wrong with her in this fact.

1:25:00Someone goes, agreed, there's no way those weren't put there intentionally. And someone responds, honestly, it could be mother-in-law or a mistress. They were placed intentionally. Tell him you're going to do a DNA test and see how he reacts. I was thinking about that because you could get mother-in-law's hair pluck and then you could test. Is that illegal? I think that's illegal. I don't know. What the fuck? I mean, hey, if they visit and mother-in-law's hair, there's a hair on the chair. Yeah. Is that illegal? To take her hair? No. Well, she left it. She left it. So could you, I mean, also imagine walking into a DNA office or where, where do you go to do this?

1:25:48And you bring in the hair. Please test the discharge compared to the hair. I mean, that would be, that would give it away for sure. It definitely would. But can you do that? I'm sure you can find a way. Also, it's more about his reaction. Well, sure. I know, but I, I want to take it further. Yeah. so I'm not seeing any other pictures that were shared the top comment on this post obviously the first thing anyone will think is that your husband is cheating and trying to blame his mom but there are a few things that make me think otherwise you didn't see the underwear until just after your mother-in-law left your house and they were in a place you would have noticed you and your mother-in-law have a rocky relationship the fact that you are home the vast majority of the time.

1:26:35Those underwear are not sexy, like at all. I would be surprised if a mistress wore those to sleep with your husband. I hope you figure this out. If it were me, I would actually let my mother-in-law come and visit to see if anything suspicious happens. She might think her plan didn't work and she's trying to set something more obvious at your house. Someone responds, I would pack these in her bag on the way out, stuff them in her luggage when loading the luggage into the trunk then deny anything or the next time you go visit his parents where they live do you run off to go look through mother-in-law's underwear drawer i mean these are probably a pair of underwear that were sold in a pack yeah like no one buys one-offs not like that not right typically like i do think they say haynes on them and they're just like a floral like i'm envisioning they come in like a pack of five it's always coming to pack three pack five pack ten pack you wouldn't see this underwear just like hanging on a shelf yeah no it's giving pack there are a lot of comments from op we don't have an official update yet i don't think anything's happened like obviously mother-in-law hasn't come right back yet so op does comment to people like no update yet this was re-shared on am i the angel and op goes and comments there and she's like as the op of this original post i'm enjoying these comments i can promise you that this is not fake or rage bait i don't know what i gotta do to prove this is real i promise you it's not fake whatsoever i wish this was fake right opie just kind of shares like in one of the comments she doesn't like me because i'm not catholic and i took her son and i have a friend that actually just got into a big fight with her boyfriend's parents because she said she wasn't going to convert to Catholicism.

1:28:32And I'm like, we're still doing that? No, that's how I feel too. What? Yeah. Like, what is this? The 1800s? It'd be hard to work through that over time too. Cause you would just always think there's that feeling. Yeah. There's definitely a grudge. This is too. I don't know. I, I, I want there to be some action taken. whether it be the DNA or the I don't know. I know. I'm just trying to read other comments from OP and see if we get any other tea. Husband works from home on Fridays. We're usually home with him as well. He never goes anywhere on the weekends. You know what? I do want to DNA test them.

1:29:12The only reason we haven't brought it up to his mom is because she will deny it either way. If they are hers she'll probably say no. And then no it got to me and that was the goal of planting them there anyways. if they aren't hers and we bring it up, she gets the satisfaction as well, knowing that something may be going on. OP shares, every relationship I've ever had before my husband, I was cheated on. I know the signs to look for, and he knows that I'm not about to tolerate any kind of cheating. He's encouraging DNA testing on the underwear, but I don't even know how to go about that. Gotta find a hair.

1:29:45Yeah, there is a small window here. Sometimes I take my daughter to open gym, gymnastics Friday morning while my husband is home. I also brought this up to him because he said, when would I ever even have time to bring a woman to this house? I'd have to have her idling in the street waiting for you to leave. Which like, again, that's not impossible. Right. Like affair partners are willing to do that. People will find ways. I don't know. I feel like I can tell when someone's been in your space. And also you need to contend with perfume and perfume in the house, perfume on the sheets. You'd have to wash the sheets.

1:30:25You'd have to make, you'd have to do all of these things within that timeframe. The whole time, you know, not knowing if your partner has turned around to come home for something they forgot or, oh, we're going to practice. Oh, practice got canceled. turning around. There's too many what-ifs. There's too much risk with that. I don't feel like this one is that. Well, and OP does share an example of how weird and crazy mother-in-law is. She suggested using a pad with sharp pricks instead of a baby gate near the top of my stairs so that it would prick my daughter's hand and teach her not to go near the stairs.

1:31:05Might as well put an electric fence. What the fuck? That's so weird. There's no house cleaners. because OP is definitely going to update when she gets to the bottom of it. And again, in the comments is really trying to work this out with everyone and being like, I've thought of this. I've thought of this. I've thought of this. I've thought of this. It's not any of these. Really, it only can be mother-in-law. Well, and that's the beauty of putting it on Reddit because you'll have all these people point out things you may not have ever thought of. Yeah. And then you can then think through those and it'll more draw you towards one conclusion generally.

1:31:44Yeah. Apparently someone comments here, OP, I remember your other post. One or both of them are definitely predators. And honestly, it might be your mother-in-law or she knew of your father-in-law abusing your husband or his sister because reading your post back to back, it is so very clear. You need to go no contact. They will abuse your children at some point if you let them alone with them. Don't be a shitty mom. All it takes is five minutes alone. This is really weird, and OP does share a comment in response, and it could be a little trigger warning for sexual abuse. Just seemingly a very inappropriate comment, for sure, at the very least, but OP says this is true.

1:32:33My husband told me as a child, he has a memory of him sitting on his dad's shoulders. And his dad said, quote, whose little penis do I feel on the back of my neck? Doesn't that scream pervert to you? That's fucking gross. Well, I wouldn't trust my kids with them regardless because of the baby gate comment. Yeah. Yeah. There's a couple posts here in r slash in-laws. my in-laws are confused do I believe my mother-in-law's excuses for not interacting with my daughter we need outside opinions and that was posted in mother-in-laws from hell I mean there's a lot of tea here I'm not going to read all these posts there's so so many posts but clearly having a very strained bad relationship with in-laws and the earliest post we have is two years ago the post on the underwear is coming a month ago So this has been happening for years.

1:33:31There's no doubt in my mind. This is mother-in-law stirring the pot, trying to fuck shit up, and probably just getting a kick out of this. She's deranged, clearly. I really hope they find a way to do the DNA and then use that as a tool to confront and go no contact. Yeah, no, you're done. But leaving it with that, and I know that's the part of me that wants to leave with, we won, but no one really wins in this whole deal. No, I think based on all of these posts, based on the potential inappropriate behavior, you can't trust them with your kids. And I think at that point, what's the point? Go meet them and go to lunch at Applebee's or Chili's, whatever.

1:34:19but to let them in your home when you are clearly having issues, the second you do not worth it. The second you have someone in your home, that's a family member or a friend or someone that should be trustworthy. And you have the need to feel like I'm going to put up cameras or we should put a camera up just in case. That's, that's a good sign. Cut them off. Done. Done. This next person might need to be cut off as well. Okay. This is coming from r slash relationships. I, 29 female, recently discovered my boyfriend, 32 male, of four years, has been keeping a blog mocking my business. Yeah. This is probably going to be a very controversial post.

1:35:08As I know Reddit isn't fond of any religions, especially ones that aren't mainstream. That might be a weird way of putting it, so I apologize if that offended anyone. I really, truly don't want to. When my abuela died, I inherited the keys to her long-standing botanica. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a shop run by Latinos whose purpose is to sell religious, esoterica things. We sell the seven-day candles you'll see at memorial sites, herbs, oils, statues, books, services, etc. These are all the things I grew up surrounded by and things that mean the world to me. I love them. To me, the scent of Florida water and Hoyt's cologne are home.

1:35:50I took business classes to run the shop properly, and it is a successful business. We profit off of it nicely, and we made some changes over the years, including services that you can't get at shops around us. We care deeply for all of our customers. I spend about 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. there every day, and it's like going to my other home. My boyfriend Thomas works from home. He does tech work and things like that. He's always been a huge supporter of my business because he knows how much it means to me. He knows it's a part of my cultural heritage, of my life, and of my ancestors and family. He also knows that I do not 100 % believe in the things we do.

1:36:30I believe in many of them, but I am not hard-boiled religious, and I don't adhere to many religious rules. That's enough backstory. Well, the other day I made us some breakfast. He finished very fast and went out for his morning jog. I asked him if I could use his computer to do a few things since it was right there and I'm a slow eater. He agreed and just turned it over to me. He left to go on his run and I got to work. I just wanted to do a few accounting type things and also do some research for an upcoming trip that we have to Havana. But when I opened his browser, several tabs were open, so I clicked to a different browser as not to disturb his, since I never know what's work and what's play with him.

1:37:12The other browser had one thing up, the blog. I noticed he didn't use the name of the shop, but there was a clear picture of it, and underneath, there were probably 50 entries so far. I didn't go through and read them all because after I saw the first one, I got the idea as clear as day. He was making fun of it, All of it. Everything. My heart shattered. He made fun of the customers, of some of the products we have. One of the things we are known for is an extensive collection of candles for different saints, orishas, and figures. He mocks some of the orishas and their candles and the novenas.

1:37:51What broke my heart the most is that he made fun of the one figure who I like the most, who I don't want to mention because I don't want to offend. I keep a small home altar to the figure and tend to it carefully and with love. He makes fun of the altar and talks about how nonsensical it is and everything. The comments range from nothing to spam to dedicated followers who talk about his crazy girlfriend and how I'm absolutely nuts and he should run away. Who would believe in any of this? A lot of people and things like that. I was so stunned and absolutely hurt that I had to check how long ago he made it.

1:38:31I saved the address and read through all of it while I was at work and cried. I don't know how to address this with him. He's been keeping the blog for two years now. My heart is shattered because our relationship has been nothing but love and smooth sailing, excitement, and joy. He never shared my spirituality with me, and it was never something that I requested of him. I even keep my altar out of view, out of respect for his own preferences. What do I do? How do we come back from this? To me, it's not just about the spirituality. I've grown up hearing people laugh at it and call it kooky and made up, strange, all of that.

1:39:09But it is my grandmother's business. It is my ancestry and it is my heritage. To me, he is mocking those directly. What do I do? I'm actually a little surprised you're asking how do we come back from this? You're done. Because it's too deep. Seeing something like this, I would know that this person is not my partner, does not have my back. And I would never trust that they ever really would, no matter what they'd say, because their real thoughts are posted here. And I found it. And yeah, everything might seem fine and seem like such a great relationship, but this would color all of that for me.

1:39:53All of a sudden, everything else to me would feel fake. And this would feel like the most real thing I would have known about them and how they feel about me. Yeah. Despite anything they've said to me or shown me, this is what's really behind the scenes of what they're thinking about you and your family and your beliefs. And I know this isn't so much about religion and maybe this isn't your full identity as having this store and everything, but it's a part of who you are in some sense. And it's important to you as it should be. And you get so much joy and you feel so connected to your family and the history because of that.

1:40:38Yeah, I mean, for OP to say it is my ancestry, it is my heritage. I do think this is a big part of her identity. And so when you have someone who's supposed to love you and be with you, you find out they've been mocking it, been being a troll for the past two years, half your relationship, there isn't a way forward. Right. I don't think there's a way that you come back from this. If I found out tomorrow that you were on the YouTube comments trolling me every week, I would be done. Like that would be so incredibly hurtful because you know how much time, love, care goes into this. Like this is my business.

1:41:20That's her business. That's her work. That's her livelihood. And she's like, it's making a pretty good profit actually, which is allowing us to live this life. And so it's like if I found out that you were hating on me in any way, done. Absolutely not. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest fan, your biggest cheerleader, not your hater, not your biggest op. For what? Yeah. Are you so insecure about your life or what I do? How does what I do for a job affect you? So you don't like me. You don't respect me. You think what I do is weird. Done. Right. Done. Like he's letting people call you crazy.

1:42:01He's posting this for entertainment. done. How do you date someone, marry someone, potentially have kids with someone who does not like you? You can't. Well, it's not even like you found a personal journal, which that gets into an interesting gray area where there's venting. Yeah. No, this is not a private journal. And then, but even still, if you found that and that was someone's true thoughts about you, I still can't, right. But I still wouldn't move forward, but I'm just trying to, I'm trying to show how that's even different than posting online and having a community forum where everyone piles on and it's making it worse with, if you have a picture of the shop, it's not going to be that hard to identify.

1:42:53Everyone knows what they're referencing and talking about. It's not like we're talking about the topic. No, it's directed specifically at this shop, at you, and at your family. And even if somehow you did find a way to, quote unquote, move forward, I think when you come to reality with that, even if you were back in it and he said all these things and took the blog down, at some point it's going to eat away at you that you deep down, you'll still know how he feels. Yeah. This will never be recoverable. And that eventually will hit an inevitable wall. So I just don't think there's a reason to hope to move forward, want to move forward.

1:43:42I think it's coming to terms with the fact that this person does not support you and is not your partner. Top comment on this one. My goodness, OP, that is so awful. It makes me want to cry just hearing that this happened to you. The one thing you can do is talk to him about it. And I think you need to say something along the lines of this. To me, it's not just about the spirituality. I've grown up hearing people laugh at it and call it kooky and made up, strange, all of that. But it is my grandmother's business. It is my ancestry, my heritage. To me, he is mocking those things directly. Basically like quoting, like, say this, say this is all you got to say.

1:44:17It's not funny. It's not a laughing matter and it is insanely disrespectful. And the fact that he's been carrying on with it for so long? I really can't wrap my head around why someone would mock something so personal and cherish that belongs to someone they supposedly love. That's the most childish thing I've ever heard. I had to go back and check his age at the top of the post. Confront him, OP. He needs to apologize, take this blog down, and beg for your forgiveness. OP responds, how do I confront him? I've honestly never had to confront someone about something like this before. And someone just goes, quote, so I found your blog.

1:44:52That's literally all you need to say to start with. Focus on how it makes you feel and that you feel like he doesn't respect you. OP responds, focus on how it makes me feel. I can do that. There's another comment here from someone. Why does he even deserve a full confrontation? Do you think you need the closure? Because unless this is something you need, I would pack your things, tell him you saw the blog and leave, or better yet, ask him to leave instead. OP responds, I'm not crazy about just upping and leaving without a word after four years. That's all. Yeah, it's tough. It is tough. I get when you're in it.

1:45:31It just can be like you almost wish it could just go away. You could push it under the rug and you could continue what otherwise from your perspective has been a really good relationship. I just, for me, once I know this, that four years feels fake. And I wouldn't be able to move forward thinking we're going to continue this. I would be like, what are we continuing? There's nothing. It's heartbreaking. And you're going to want to cling on to things. But again, I think you would end up with the reality of you would never truly trust how he sees you, what he thinks of you. Because no matter what he says, there's going to be some secret thoughts that are either posted online or not.

1:46:17Even if the blog gets deleted, even if he apologizes, it's always in the back of your head that he thought those things. He said those things. He laughed at you online with strangers. There'll be another outlet. It's horrible. There'll be something. So we do get an update. Okay. I had my heart set on not just getting up and leaving. There were still some things that we needed to talk about. So when I got home two days after I made that post and had time to think about it, I confronted him. I started reading off one of his posts to him. He asked me how I found out. I was honest and told him. He started to get annoyed and asked me why I was snooping.

1:46:56I knew that was coming. I wasn't. And then he started up with his defense before I could even get a word in. He told me that he always had a hard time understanding how I could be a part of something where there was no logic behind it, how I could take money from anyone knowing that that stuff is fake and everything, I let him say what he needed to say. I asked him, is that really how you feel? And he said yes, and that he was happy to finally get it off his chest. He had just insulted me, my beliefs, my family history, all of it in the span of 20 minutes. I told him that if that's how he feels, he needs to leave.

1:47:34The place we live in was mine originally. He just moved in after we were dating for a while because it was easier. I didn't want to have to stoop that low, but living with someone who thinks that little of what I do in my business, the business that supported our very comfortable lives for all of this time, isn't something I can compromise on. He asked me if I was breaking up with him because of this, said that it was his right as an American with free speech to do what he's doing, and that I'm trying to censor him like, quote, all religious nuts do. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so I just asked him to leave.

1:48:11Over the next days, he collected his things, and when he got out his last box, he told me that he would not come back, but that I could bet he would still be posting on his blog about my shop. I think the last thing I said to him was to have fun with his 15 blog readers. I'm really heartbroken over this and very sad it's come to this. It's going to be a long time before I can try dating again. That's fair, but now you know you made the right choice. It's always nice when you have to make a difficult choice and then right at the end it's confirmed like yes I made the right choice as hard as it is that would make me feel like yep there's no other option here turn around and say that shit he's just like there's no words for him to pull out the as an American it is my first amendment right to have free speech sure legally yeah sure uh-huh I'm not saying you're breaking the law breaking the law but you're being an asshole to your partner and I want no relationship with you.

1:49:16We all know this type of person. Of course, they're going to jump to that. I'm just like, I'm so overwhelmed. I know I do know this person. This is a person that totally agrees with the fact that Elon Musk has been trying to say creating child porn on Grok is a First Amendment right. It's free speech. It's insane. And a court, I think, just cited that it's actually okay because they're not real images. You know how AI is trained on real images? So in order to create CSAM, like it was using real images. So what the fuck are we doing? I'm just like, I know exactly who this is. And it's insane. And so many people around the world believe in religions, believe in saints, believe in all of these things.

1:50:05If that's what they believe in, if that makes them feel better, okay. If it's not hurting anyone, okay. When it starts hurting people, then obviously there's reason to have issue, but buying some candles that you believe protects you or brings good energy or good fortune, whatever. Okay. Like, fuck you, dude. And has basically supported you for the last few years. Reality will strike, but also with people like this, reality never truly hits them. Even when it smacks them in the face, they're like, oh no, this, it was me. I was right. A defensive flip around gaslighter. You were snooping. How'd you find that?

1:50:51You were snooping. Yeah, no, that was. Grow up. Grow up. I'm so glad OP dodged this bullet. Post is now 11 years old. We have no updates beyond that, but. Happy ever after. I'm going to hope OP is out there just thriving. Going in the shop, having a good time. Has a partner that runs it with her. Yeah. You know, expanded it. Second location that partner's running. Not a hater. Come on now. Okay. One last one to kind of palate cleanse a little bit for us here. Coming from r slash confession titled my whole family doesn't know that I lost track of which triplet was which. I know I was lazy, helped take care of babies when I was young, and I never thought taking care of triplets is extremely hard and time-consuming.

1:51:40A family member sometimes asks, who is Bubbles or Buttercup or Blossom? Obviously not their real names. And my wife says their clothes are color-coded, but in reality, I already got the babies mixed up. No one, including my wife, has the attention to detail to know which is which besides the clothes. I don't have the same time, was working two jobs, and patience, burned out, with the extra steps my wife does. So whenever it's my turn to care for the babies, I do what's convenient, and oftentimes I get them swapped. When they got a little bit older, they basically chose their own names. Only one kid responds to one name, and now that they have grown a lot, It's easy to know which is which, but no one really knows who the original Blossom Bubbles Buttercup is.

1:52:31What? That's it. But they were, so they were named. Yep. And now we don't know who truly was. Nope. Whose birth certificate is whose? Nope. No idea. Are they identical in the same sense as twins? Or do triplets all? Triplets can include a pair of identical twins. But you don't have identical triplets. No. There's not like... Eggs can't split three ways. So, but when they're young, they can look very similar. Yeah. Because like my three step-siblings that are triplet boys were hard to figure out who is who very early on when you're getting to know them. But when you have your own kids, I mean, how did she even keep it?

1:53:20How do you keep them straight without keeping their birth certificate taped to them? I know a lot of people. I think this is a common thing. A lot of people will pierce baby's ears to be able to tell twins or triplets apart. Sometimes they'll do like a little dot on them and keep redoing the dot. or they'll paint a toenail and then, okay, twin A has blue toe, twin B has red toe, and they'll do that. But it is a lot, and I think commonly babies get mixed up. Yeah, I mean, I've never even considered it, really, but now that we are where we are, does it really matter whose is whose? No, not if they're all going by the name that they're going by.

1:54:08They could all kind of pick and choose which birth certificate and social security number they want. I know. Yeah, just what one do you align with more? Would you come clean about this? Would you be like, babe, I think I mixed them up? Well, if she has them not mixed up, then couldn't she straighten you out? But if he mixed them up and she's going off basically just being like, okay, Blossom is always in yellow. She's going yellow jumpsuit To yellow onesie To yellow socks To yellow sleep sack Wife is like diligent in baby color So you think he could have mixed up the colors And changing them or something?

1:54:48Yeah, because he's like, I don't care I'm not as diligent as her So would you come clean? Oh, man Honesty, the best policy? Well, yeah, probably But like, I just feel like is there no way? How old are the kids now? How long of a period of a time of time are we talking about? I mean, when do babies start responding to their own name? Well, it's got to be at least. So like after all that time, is there not any distinguishing feature, especially for her that she could tell between them? There's got to be something, right? It can't be that identical. Even if two are identical twins, you'd know who the third was.

1:55:30So Opie does have an edit. I did this when they were babies. My kids are preschoolers now and can be easily identified and have their own identities. I love the suggestions and I would have done it if I'd known then, but it's pointless now. And a lot of people in the comments are just like, as a triplet, my parents have confirmed that they don't know if we were mixed up or not at some point. Someone goes, were you identical? and they respond, no, we aren't. But as babies, we did look a lot alike. One of us has a scar from an emergency surgery, but the other one and I look similar enough that we could have been easily switched.

1:56:07Do you think that would inspire some sort of identity crisis or not really? Because it doesn't technically matter. Would that inspire something inside of you where you don't really know if that was supposed to be you or you were second or third? Not really, unless you're like, oh I don't feel like a blossom I feel like a buttercup and then you could go to buttercup and be like do you want to switch names I guess do you feel like a buttercup because maybe we were switched maybe you're blossom because I feel like a buttercup well isn't there a way even within triplets isn't there a way to tell who's first child middle child if you DNA test them right away probably well no I mean like in in how that affects people behaviorally like oh they're the middle child so they're always like this I don't know if they're the firstborn or pseudoscience birth order yeah isn't that a thing i think more so with more so with siblings that are years apart okay or months apart i guess so because they're so close like they all have kind of the same vibe someone says here in a comment 20-ish years ago i knew triplets that were born they put one dot tattoo on baby baby two had two dots and baby three had three dots when they were born great idea did they catch any flack for that that person didn't respond but basically a little tattoo, just a dot.

1:57:24It's no different than a shot. It's no different than a shot. No, I know, but I'm just thinking through it. So OP does share an update with us. So an update on this. I did not expect it to be shared so many times that my wife will see a repost on Instagram. She showed this to me and admitted that she mixed our babies up too. Yes. Okay. Apparently she stopped tracking as well and thought of getting it accurate again. If one gets sick and needs medical attention, but that day never happened. The kids have their own passports now and know their own names. And where I live, no one cares about birth records, only passports and driver's license.

1:58:04Quite a relief in the end. To us, it really was just names. Right, right. Well, I guess you don't really know how someone else is going to feel about it too. I had a sense that she may have done the same Yeah But I guess it really doesn't matter in the end It's all sorted now Doesn't matter No, but I love this confessions theme It was so, so fun I'd love to see your confessions in the comments I will make a video reading the best ones So please drop your confessions in the comments And head over to Father Knows because the week after this episode comes out, we are doing a Confessions on Father Knows and we're reading some stories from the Two I Take subreddit that are confessions.

1:58:52So we've got a doozy of a theme over there and I think it's gonna be really, really good. Well, the thing that's so fun about Confessions in this way is especially if it's submitted to Father Knows, you can tell a whole group of people something that you wouldn't, that no one else like in your circle would ever know. Yeah. It's something you've always wanted to say and you can broadcast it. Yeah. But it's still secret because it's all anonymous. It's all anonymous over there. All of it. Thank you guys so much for being here. Another episode, another week, another month, another year. I hope you had a good walk, house cleaning, gym workout, drive, whatever you're doing.

1:59:38But thank you guys. Until next time. Until next time. Bye.