1 year of parenting: best advice, favorite baby products & hardest moments

0:28Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Okay, ready? I really wish I had a La Colombe coffee. It would be so nice. Ready? I'd love some caffeine.

1:06You're not allowed to have a coffee because there's ice in it. Yeah, hot coffee only. I'll just watch Joel's drinkers. Harrison doesn't drink hot coffee. Ever. I don't think I've ever seen you have one. Sometimes I'll have a cappuccino. Oh, that's true. In Paris, do you get a cappuccino? I get a cafe con leche. and I was once I used to always have cappuccinos or lattes and I was on a trip in Vietnam in Ho Chi Minh with a gentleman I'm not going to say his name and then he shamed me for getting a latte he said you said I don't know if I'm allowed to say this real men only drink their coffee black and since that day six years later I've only drank my coffee black yeah that's so funny though um yeah okay well let's get into it you ready yeah i used to love lattes yeah okay ready welcome back to another episode of two parents in a podcast you guys today is a very fun episode because bubber turns one a week from today which is just like jaw dropping I knew I knew this week was coming and I knew I was gonna wake up and the first thing I thought I was just like oh my gosh it's been a year I remember when it was three months and I was shocked I was like no way it's been three months time is flying the the thing that really like gets me is when we're around babies that are like under the three month mark and just how different life is today than it was nine months ago.

2:53So true. And just like not only how much has things changed in the past year, but like how much things have changed in the past six to nine months. No question. Yeah. Yeah. It's every it's. So I posted a while ago. I was like, why when they get over the one year mark, do we still talk in months? Like, why don't we say she's a little over a year? Why do you say she's 13 months? and everyone was like because every month is so different like when they're 13 months as opposed to 19 months it's the same thing in a year like three months is drastically different than 10 months totally and so that's still gonna apply when we're over the one year mark between one and two like every when you're seven eight or nine like you're kind of we kind of get it yeah but when we're in these very pivotal years like they're changing so much so much month over month so i think it's really cute i love the latest thing she started doing is that she scooch she She scooches off of couches and beds.

3:45She rolls over on her belly and she gets down safely. Also, a really big one that's back is the wave in the airport. I mean, we were waving at everyone. It was so cute. But that was a weird one because we lost the wave for like 30 to 60 days. She didn't really understand that. Now she's got it and she understands to wave back at people who wave at her. Precious. It's so cute. And the writing on the suitcase. Like she now knows when she sees a suitcase, she starts to jellyfish, which is where she like when you're holding her, she like puts her legs down like a jellyfish. She kicks him. Yeah. She's kicking her legs because she wants to go on the suitcase.

4:24And she'll lean towards the suitcase. OK. So speaking of OK, this episode, we're going to do like the best and the worst of things in the first year, which I'm very excited about. I'll look back at 12 months. Exactly. Exactly. But the other thing that I didn't update us on last week was I'm done pumping. Like I really just powered through it. I took Sudafed every four to six hours for 24 hours. I put the cat, the cabbage like actually works in your bra. I put like a sports bra and put the cabbage on. Did you Google like what? I do not understand what the cabbage is. It's yeah, I did Google it.

5:00Our pediatrician when we were there was told us that like this works. Why does cabbage... It just says it reduces milk production. It says cabbage leaves contain compounds that may inhibit milk production. They have anti-inflammatory properties that can soothe engorged breasts. The coolness of the cabbage leaves can provide comfort and reduce pain. I've been curious and I've held off asking until we were on the pod. so what i did okay so what i did to dry up my milk supply was suda fed every four to six hours the cabbage in a sports bra so it was tight and then i put on this thing called cabo cream which everyone kept explaining to me like they are not explaining suggesting to me um and then he okay cabo cream concentrated cabbage extract can overcome hum, making it safer, more effective choice for mom to dry up their milk supply.

5:59And it really did work. And I had to do it. It works for engorgement relief. Yeah, it really worked. So weird. It's so, so weird. But so I would put all that on and then I just stopped pumping in the in there was one time where it was like pretty uncomfortable. And I just did like a hand pump and I pumped like one ounce total. And that just gave me like a little relief. But the more every time you extract milk, it tells your body to produce more. So you have to stop extracting milk. And that's what I did. And then boom, dried it up. I'm not pumping anymore. Um, and it's wild because every day for a year I would wake up and you just want to wake up and you want to get out of bed and go, but I would wake up and I would have to sit in bed and pump for 20 minutes, which is like a 30 minute round trip ordeal.

6:45And then you have to like clean your pump supplies, put the milk up. Like it took me so long. And now being like, I took for granted being able just to get up and get out of bed or go to bed. That was the one that jumped out to me. One, you did an amazing job. Like you truly did an amazing job. Oh, but it was wild. The one that, the memory that I have over and over again is super long day, we're exhausted, like zonked out, about to go to bed, and your lineup, oh my, I have to pump. Have to pump. And like, I mean, your commitment was unbelievable. Fall is planting season. Did you know that many plants and trees actually do better when planted this time of year?

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8:40Now's the perfect time to plant. Use 2PARENTS to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. Check out the link below or in the show notes to support the show. This is a good time because pumping is on here. Okay. So this is a good time for us to jump into our best and our worst of the first year. Okay. We each answered them separately so I'm just as excited to hear your answers. Okay let's let's roll. Okay first up to bat best moment of the first year. Okay. For me it was right when she was born they take her away for a second and check her but when they bring her back and put it on your chest it is an indescribable feeling that only moms who have had the baby put back on their chest will be able to know what i'm talking about on no words can do it justice that's the best moment for me amazing what's yours i have three best moments okay um the first was seeing you thrive and step into the role of as a mom and just how loving and what an amazing caretaker you were.

9:43Thank you. The second is our family wake. Family walks around the lake. Aw. And then my third favorite moment is a daily moment of bottles in bed. Ball balls with bad dads, as we call it. She just gets tuckered in there. She knows the program. She knows the program. It's also really sweet to see how her first giggle, I remember. and I remember her first like all those moments are really really really sweet but for me in the first year having to pick one like nothing trumps that first like her on the chest oh it was so sweet no I vividly remember watching that moment but that's a great example of something that's like so different like male female male female yeah but it's crazy because you just now you have like we went from two to three three humans like then we just had to take care of this thing and you're just looking at it like oh my gosh like we made you yes i mean you heavy lifting no but it's just like crazy okay worst moment of the first year i think that we're gonna have the same one here we're not I don't think.

11:03Okay. For me, it's the vaccines. When they put in the, when they shoot her with it, like, and she's just wailing helplessly. So sad. Okay. It's really, it's so tough. I know yours. What do you, what do you think mine is? Choking. Yeah. Once you choked. And then. I thought of it on the way here. I thought, how's that not mine? And then the second one was her first real cry at home. My family was over and she just like really started howling. And it was the first time she'd like howled uncontrollably. And I remember you went and you took her and you brought her upstairs and you calmed her. It was like it went from kind of one of the worst moments to because it was the first time I saw her really sad to one of the best moments.

11:53because I got to see you just step in and calmer and be a mom? Well, I'll say this about it because I do remember it very vividly. I didn't know when I was pregnant. I was like, gosh, I really hope I can figure out this whole motherhood thing. And everybody says your instincts kick in. And I was like, well, what if mine don't? And then I remember just looking at her being like, I know how to calm her down. And so I just took her up into it. Like I was just looking at this little baby thinking she's overstimulated and I didn't even know really what the word meant. I thought she just needs to be in a dark room rocking with her mom.

12:29So I just took her up there and that's what we did and she calmed down. And it was just like she'd only been out in the world out of the womb for two days. Like she was scared. It was really special. It was sweet. But it's crazy because you don't know what it means for your motherly instincts to kick in until you give them an opportunity. So that's really sweet. I have another one. What is that? it's this one's kind of more like parent centric but when you have multiple sleepless nights in a row the way that it can like really weigh on you mentally you can get into this like fog and when you don't have sleep you can't get out of it and like you can't think clearly and I think when those days become compounding it is really tough parent wise like I think a lot of parents in the first year it's like very valid about how are you guys sleeping because when you don't have your sleep and you're taking care of this like little baby that needs you for everything it can be really tough in the beginning totally there's a great study that we're going to talk about a little later on i saw it okay so but let's save it okay i i'm not buying it i'm buying it for one day that's literally what i told you yeah when when you're three weeks in it it's not because i used to try okay i don't want to ruin it but but i love that we're speaking the same language on that okay best toy of the first year for me it's the crinkle books the books that have the sensory like almost foil in them um the tony box that's just been a real winner to add music into dance and then the last one oh it's toothpaste like i there it had toothpaste has not failed me yet where i give her the toothpaste and it occupies her for 20 minutes i'm gonna do a curveball answer here.

14:10Okay. I thought the best toy was the carrier. And I know it's a product. That's the best. We have a product slot in here. I know. But like, when I look at what I think she got the most hours of enjoyment of over the first year, it was being in that pouch. You know what? I'm fine with that because, for example, my best product, I'm not going to say it right now, but she didn't get enjoyment out of it. But it's a great product that we used a ton. So that's why that can be a toy. Yeah, and that was in the mornings in between getting her up and Maria coming. If I go and bring her into the playroom, she's just getting bored so fast.

14:57Whereas if I go and take her on a walk in that pouch, she's just happy as a clam. Totally. The other toy, and I keep fixing my neck here. one of her favorite toys is the neck of my shirts which are now all they're all how's the neck and please look how's the neck is it good is it bad is it twisted it's as good as it can be yeah yep okay okay ready yeah worst toy of the first year this one to me is is a weird one because i think every single one of our of our parent friends loved it and it was their go-to toy they loved it and it's the love everly mat but bubs just never really used the love everly mat and like if i were to look at my 10 closest friends that have had kids that's probably their number one item so it's a shocker that she didn't like it everyone i know loves that mat yeah bubs she was too young for it boom one day she was too old for it that's what that was what i was gonna say and the same thing happened with mine so my worst toy is or yeah worst toy is the playpen that you're supposed to get and so we ordered all these playpens she was too young for it and then boom one day now she just wants out of it i could not disagree more oh that playpen is phenomenal really the one that we have in the kitchen yeah i just feel like she you put her in and she wants out of it.

16:25No. That isn't fair. It's so great to be challenged. That isn't fair. That's so fine. I'm so fine with that. Yeah. To me, if I need to give her a bottle and do something, then I love giving her the bottle in there because then she can't scamper away. I don't think she loves it. listen i was really torn on this answer i kept thinking of i was trying to think of anything that she didn't like and i couldn't really think of anything she just doesn't love a lot of toys i think it's the big problem she's very specific about her toys well she more so likes things that aren't actual toys yeah like i would like that tony box like i know the world loves it and i think it is a great product but like we sit there and play with the tony box for hours her and i She cannot believe you take a car off and put it on and it starts singing.

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18:33That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Alex to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash alex the other thing she does love is the kleenex box that has the things that come out that's a great item made by the same company that makes the mat that we don't like yeah no it's not that we don't like the mat the the ideas are phenomenal it's just bubs really gets over things really soon yeah okay most surprising thing of the first year for me it was how fun it was a lot of people they they demonize this first year of parenting everything's changed your life has changed and it's just like no the first year of parenting can be so much fun a different kind of fun but it can be joyful and fun holidays are more fun Saturdays are different but more fun so my answer plays off of your answer I totally agree okay but my answer shares a different perspective and that is how different everyone's journey is.

19:36And so for us I agree like it was fun and it was probably my most fun year ever. It was my most fun year ever. As you said, a totally different type of fun. But when I speak to different people they have such different experiences. Whether that's experiences around sleep, whether it's experiences around formula versus breastfeeding uh don't get me wrong it's hard it's it's super super hard but that's what's fulfilling about it the best things in life usually are hard yeah but that to me was most surprising is like you to speak to someone and they like talk with such conviction about like the snoo is the easy every baby loves to snoo like you're good with it you don't have to worry about sleep and then boom certain babies just don't like to snoo and sleep is a total hassle some babies just sleep 12 hours right out of the gate some wake up every three hours some are colicky some women deal with postpartum depression others don't like the whole the whole nine yards oversupplying milk being a just enough or undersupplying milk not being able to produce like everyone's so different you knowing the term just enough her is like so great for me I just I really really love it yeah um best product of the first year oh I said out of the gates the snoo okay I knew you were gonna say that I mean the snoo is a lifesaver for us over the first did we use it for three months or six months oh six months six months like six months she we really didn't have to worry about sleep for six months very very fortunate and and now now it's the nanette like love the nanette when we transitioned away from the snoo and now that she's sleeping in the other room the nanette has just been amazing especially because like you can see what she's doing in the crib we love to do that well the best part is when when i'm out with the moms and we're at dinner we all pull up our nana and we do a nanette check it's so cute it's it's it's it's a it's an amazing it's an amazing cameras have come a long way yeah so i'm shocked this isn't your best product my best product's the duna i mean we just used that thing so much it it truly changes the ability to travel and have a car seat on the other side wherever you landed in a minute it it was a close it should have been up there um yeah i i should have included it snoo and nana were on my top five list for sure yeah my um Best friend sent me a picture the other day, and she took her baby traveling for the first time, and she sent a picture of him in her duna, his duna.

22:17And she said, two parents in a pod prepared me for this because she got the duna, because you guys said, and then she follows your little travel checklist. Oh, that is like, that makes my day. Amazing. That makes me so happy. The duna, I really do think it's so travel friendly, the way you can fold it down. But the thing is, like, when you land, if you Uber, or if a grandparent comes, Like you have a car seat and a stroller. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on to a worst product for the first year. For me, it's the bottle washer or anything unnecessary that you can do yourself. Like these bottle washers are big.

22:57They're kind of expensive. They take up space. It's like you don't need things like that when you can get in there. It takes a couple extra seconds. You hand wash the bottle yourself. You put it on the drying rack. Like, there's so much consumerism around this stuff. It's like, you don't need it. Great call. Um, for me, it was the peanut changer. That you've had it out for that thing. Well, the Amazon one that we had, so we have an Amazon basics one, uh, in the kitchen changing station. And then the peanut up in her room. And like, they are truly the same to me. and one is just like exponentially more expensive than the other yeah the peanut changers is just like an overpriced thing and we did get the other one from target and it's perfect and i also don't think the peanut looks good so it's like one thing if you're like buying it and it like looks super nice in the room like i don't think it looks very good i think that the the target one um i think the target one arguably looks better um and then the other like product mistake that i think we've made is and that I would encourage parents to do so like I love it like get the duna out of the gates but when it comes to the car seat that you transition to after the six months of the duna I would recommend bringing your baby to the store and trying them in the car seat as opposed to blind buying it because I now think we're going to need to get a new car seat we are just like hates her current car seat and that's been a big problem and now it's been a waste of money and then we um and we found one that that she likes well it's the nuna rev is the one she likes and it's the one the neighbors now have and my parents have and you can turn it towards you so like it swivels and you can stick her in it and then it swivels back and she also likes it like it's a cushiony my friend megan what did she say it's like a big recliner chair for a baby in the back like it's great yeah and it's like the only time I've seen her get put into the car seat and just like not start screaming yeah so I don't know if it's like the angle or just the cushion or whatever right but um yeah I totally agree I also think an underrated item I'm telling you this wipe warmer that we got because when they first come out of the womb those wipes are so cold on them because they want to be warm and cuddly so for the first four months I mean we still use the Yformer.

25:26It makes those diaper changes so much better. I love it. That was Haley's least favorite item. Really? The Yformer? Yeah. Oh, I just thought it was ridiculous. It's I think it's$29.99 from Target. So it's like you don't need it. You do not need it. But it's such a nice experience. But it is a nice to have, but it's not a need to have. I do. I agree. It's not a need to have. If you're paying rent every month without earning anything in return, Let me introduce you to Built, the rewards program designed for renters who want to earn something for their largest monthly expense. Let me explain what I'm talking about.

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26:37Earn points on rent and around the neighborhood wherever you call home by going to joinbilt.com slash two parents. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash to parents. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Okay, advice to parents over the first year. After you. Okay, mine is it doesn't have to be a certain way. So it doesn't have to be the way your sister, your mom, your best friend did it. You can really like take tidbits from everybody around you, but also use your instincts and do it your own way and design it like a way you want to for example like our feeding journey we just did it a way that works well for us and that made it a lot more fun like you don't have to be so rigid about following everybody else's path like really design your own yeah i i totally agree um and especially in the context of like how different everyone's journey is.

27:39It's just not a one size fits all. And I think we put pressure on ourselves to follow these certain ways. And it's like, no, you're good. Trust yourself. Like trust yourself, I guess, is another way to put it. But really trust yourself and lean on your own instincts. Yeah. And then the other thing I would add to that, especially for the dads,

28:00is make sure you show your appreciation for the mom. Because the mom is taking on so much more than you are. And, you know, from the from pregnancy to birth to postpartum and. And and don't forget that on a day to day basis and make sure that you are appreciating her. That's really sweet. And you did a phenomenal job of that. Well, you you you you you were an all star. Thank you. As were you. Takes two. Okay, that's your answer? Yeah. Okay. The next one is food advice for the first year. So for us, it is feed her what you are eating and obviously adjust it for where they are in the process in terms of bite size.

28:53And you may need to take some foods out. But I loved the kind of modified baby led weaning that we followed. It's great because it encourages us to cook healthy. It gives her really good nutrients because we were cooking our chicken and steak and vegetables. And it's a lot easier because you're not doing two tasks. You're doing one task. And she's turned into an awesome, awesome eater. And it's been really fun. Seeing her engage with food is one of my favorite moments that we have on a day-to-day basis together. probably is my favorite moment yeah the feeding is it's food is really fun yeah so advice feed them what you are eating if i know it's just tough though because some people want to do that's our advice like if some people do love doing like the baby food from the store you know like the baby food packets but it's just not it's just not what we did because it wasn't going to fit into our life so seamlessly yeah i think i think that obviously those baby packets work um and um we're baby led wieners that's our deal they were really good especially for us in the first two months i think we used them uh do you remember the brand we lose serenity kids i think we really like those clean label um but if we could just give her natural whole foods just what why not Totally.

30:27That was our mentality. And I don't know if I said this, but I loved how it pushed us to eat better. Yeah. Like we're always making grilled chicken now. And we're like extra for Bubz. If we get a salad, we get – Bubz doesn't eat salads. But we get extra chicken or salmon. And like she just eats – she eats protein and veggies and fruit. She's steak and potatoes, baby. Cheese and eggs. That's like what she loves. She eats real – she kind of eats paleo, honestly. Sorry. She does. If a caveman can find it, Bubz eats it. I've just been thinking and Alex doesn't season her food anyway. Yeah, I made chicken salad today and I had Harrison make the chicken and he seasoned the crap out of it and I was just so confused.

31:09Well, a couple things on this. In cooking, like when we do steak night, your and Bubber's steak gets the same amount of seasoning that you guys get the same amount of seasoning and I season differently. It's so true. Yeah. That is so... Yeah, but last night you told me there wasn't enough flavor in your baked potato. Don't understand that one. I had a baked potato last night. Bacon? It was so good. Have you ever had a McAllister's bacon, egg and cheese? Not egg. Bacon spud? Have you ever had a McAllister's spud? Is that potato skins? No, it is the largest baked potato ever. I used to get it in high school after volleyball.

31:50Butter just like jammed on it. Can we make... I don't know what McAllister's is. can we make potato skins yeah i'm so mad at cactus club in canada there are three best menu items they've cut potato skins spicy chicken and one another that i'm forgetting oh you gotta talk to him about that now if yeah that's why i would just get get it out on the internet and and let let them do their thing okay i want to pay i want to just go on it on a little thing do bellinis exist in america yes what are they i know that's a drink yeah my mom loves bellinis like it no it's peach soda and champagne i thought it was great or you're saying bellinis like the don't donuts no bellinis the alcoholic beverage yeah champagne and prosecco and and but frozen bellinis sure yeah okay all right cactus club is great frozen bellinis totally okay it's like italian not Canadian.

32:49But you guys do have the, what's the Bloody Mary? Caesars. Caesars. That's Canadian, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So now we're going to do breastfeeding advice for the first year, breastfeeding pumping advice. So, okay. I have three different buckets here. My first one is don't let it steal your joy. So do it. If you can manage, there was, there was a time around three months where it almost broke me, but it didn't. So I think like knowing yourself and knowing if you can handle it is really important, but not like pushing yourself. Don't let it steal your joy. Don't let it become too overwhelming.

33:22That's my first one. And my advice to dads is support your partner in this. Well, my second one is this, have a good support system around you. So for me, that was Harrison and the way he was a good support system was the number one thing was he never fell asleep while I still had to pump. So the rule was like, if I have to pump, He stays awake with me in bed for the nighttime pump. And the other rule was if I ever didn't have my pump parts, he went and got them and he cleaned them. And they were little things. But like for one year, you can say with confidence, there was never a time you left me awake because it's very isolating.

34:00If you feel left awake doing it, I remember just being like, wait, why do I have to stay up and do this? Like, I'm so tired and so are you. And it's like it's mentally and physically taxing. So it's nice to have a buddy. And then you always went and got my pump parts, which just made it a little easier on me. So I think the support system around you makes a really big difference. And then the third one is like be proud of yourself. I didn't do that enough. Like I never was just like, wow, I'm so proud of myself for doing this because it's mentally, physically taxing. I just made it such a chore.

34:37And you always said to me, I'm so proud of you. And that really helped me. but I never stepped back except for this week I have. I've really looked back on the one year and been like, I'm like so proud of myself. But at the time I never was like, wow, this is really awesome that I'm doing it. So that's my other thing. If you're listening and you're in the middle of it, like good job. You killed it. You killed it. I think the other things I'd add from a dad perspective is like, this is not your call. Play the role of support for the path that they choose and don't make them feel like they're boxed in in any way.

35:10no because I think there's obviously that you know I think there's a lot of certain groups have natural expectations around you gotta breastfeed and so on and so forth and if that's your path your partner's path great but if it's not like um yeah it's it's just not your place I do want to say though like I wouldn't have made it as far as I did without you so like even times on a plane where I would like put the pump parts on or I remember one time we We were in Aspen for a wedding and we were at like a nicer hotel. Like we had just gone there to get a bite to eat. And like I had to pump. And I remember just looking at you and I like wanted to like cry.

35:45And you just looked at me and you grabbed my hands and you're like, I'm so proud of you. It is so cool that you're pumping. And I was like, thank you. And you helped, like you kept giving me the strength. So that was like, I could not have done it without you. And that applies to so many different facets of the first year. So thank you for being such a supportive partner. That's a perfect segue into our last one, which is relationship advice. which my answer to this is number one be supportive of each other verbal compliments like you are doing such a good job I am so proud of you as a dad and then the next one is you're a team right so it's like us against the problem not you and I against each other and my third one is your tone matters like I really realized with you and you would check me on this like when you're tired when you're going through it and you're in the trenches of parenthood and you want to say something to your partner I realized it lands so much better if I just say it kinder like I still get my same message across but my tone is something that I need to work on and so that's my that's my relationship advice is your tone matters um I think what I would add to all of those is and it fits within the theme of yours is prioritize your relationship.

37:09Be intentional about prioritizing your relationship. Harrison, that's such a good one. You can't forget about it. You can't, like, obviously, the child takes up so much time and so much energy and so much responsibility. But if you don't focus on, like, I'm really proud of how much we intentionally focused on us whether that was date night or working through things like how do we have our best forms of communication um or how do we get our communication dialed and so on and so forth um and i think that's a big part of what made this year so much fun and and you know obviously like so many ups so many downs so many things that we we did could have done so much better but um we learned a lot of good and bad but i also think so we all we tried to do like date nights a lot right and i i think that those fell by the wayside but one thing somehow i disagree on this i know i know and we did do date nights okay but one thing in terms of prioritizing our relationship that i thought we were so good at instead of the date nights because when you go on the date nights we were sort of trying to leave our little newborn bubble which we still very much so wanted to be in like we would leave and just look at photos of bubs yeah we had a lot more fun taking bubs with us like there's a couple restaurants we can walk to my favorite nights we're taking her in the stroller and going to those and you and i still sit and talk but also bedtime bath time walking time play time we would just do it together you and i and that was really sweet for me as us as us as a couple like that to me felt like prioritizing our relationship while still prioritizing our family.