Allison Kuch & Isaac Rochell on success, family & finding balance after baby

32:51I saw that. It was so good. I know. I'm actually kind of craving it now. This episode is sponsored by Regain Couples Therapy, powered by BetterHelp. You guys hear us talk about therapy all the time, and today we want to put the spotlight on couples therapy. Everyone likes to remind us that relationships take work, but how do you actually do that work? And a great way to do that work is through couples therapy. The thing about Regain is they have quality therapists. Regain therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. There's a therapist match commitment.

33:26So Regain does the initial matching work for you. So you and your partner can focus on your relationship goals. You'd have to fill out a short questionnaire, which helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, then you switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations. See why people wish they tried couples therapy sooner. Visit regain.com slash two parents today to get 10 % off your first month. that's regain.com slash two parents who's the wait who's the who's the uh for chef points who's the chef chef and your chef points yeah big time chef point yeah yeah it's so nice oh yeah i don't cook i cook 100 of meals that we sit at the table for so if she like wants if she's gonna like you know if she wants her whatever to eat to if she wants you say eat to live when she eats to live she makes it herself when we eat for experience if i eat to live i probably would not live very long what's your what's your what's your um and i think it needs to go to both of you what's the favorite dish that he makes and what's your favorite dish to make this is it's the what do you put in the crock pot i don't even know the name of it that's how much i don't cook for the record you're saying what's her favorite dish that i make yeah yeah i never use a crock pot no no no it's a late crusade um what is that oh it's a short rib stew yes but what is the container not a crock pot it's the thing what is the late crusade thing called dutch oven why did I think crock pot I've never used a crock pot no offense to crock pots I love them I used them all the time in college but and and then my favorite dish of hers that she makes no that you make your favorite one to make oh i'm super i love making steak like i cook a good steak okay so i would say that but yeah i cook all the meals and i do i do do the dishes too i will claim that i do both i do both i do the dishes almost every night which is fine okay i'm a lucky girl what can i say yeah take it just no okay no problem you do hate unloading the dishwasher i just always forget to do it never mind i was gonna get try and get points but it's but it's not a game like i'm very adamant i actually just posted a video on this on dad's eat last like this concept of like Because it's so true.

35:42That is the job as a dad. I make food for my family. I serve you guys your food. And then I do the dishes. And that's okay. You built the children. You do a lot. I can handle an extra 20 minutes of doing dishes. You're just trying to get a third. Yeah. Literally sign it up. I'll do anything. He just wants you to promise a third child. I'm like, let's get four or five. Little army. Yeah. Absolutely. We kind of want four too. It's just not easy. No. It's a short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain. Somebody once told us, think about your Thanksgiving table in 25 years. Don't think about this nine months.

36:19And that actually is the one thing that changed my perspective. But hopefully our table is always full. I mean, I think it's going to be open to our policy. If Isaac's cooking, I'm like, everybody, come on over. That I'm for. But kids, yeah. Okay, so cooking and cleaning. Who does bedtime? Both. Yeah. Well, our daughter will go. We wait to see who she requests, Mama or Dada. It's usually me, which is okay. It's funny, and you guys can probably test this. Not really, though, because I feel like we kind of trade on or off. It's like whoever's cleaning up the house will do the bath. It just depends.

36:52And put her in her pajamas. But we both say goodnight at the same time and walk out the door. Yeah, which is a blessing for both of us to always be there. But I was going to say, you guys probably feel this. I don't care. I love spending time with our daughter. We've hit that phase where it's like, okay, the first year was tough. You're just like a fish out of water. And then now it's like, please do bedtime. Yeah. But now it's like, literally, I would love to hang out with her. Because we didn't really sleep train. So we rocked her sleep until she was like 14 months. Yeah. So you're just sitting in the room.

37:21And then one time she was like, I don't want to be rocked. Just put me in the freaking crib and I want to go to sleep. I'm like, this is new. Okay. And like you were saying, like with having a little girl, like she needs to know that I'm always there. Like, and I feel like it's ingrained in them even now. Like they know. I'm a firm believer that they know. They know. And if they don't, I'm just like, you know, I hope one day she's like, it's like literally a part of her DNA. Like my dad will be there always. It matters. I think it really matters. I also think, so we're just over the year mark.

37:51So we're still. It's, yeah, the first year is dark. Well, the first year is different for everyone, like sleep and baby's temperament and everything. Wait, real quick. I'm doing the math. You guys are going to be big time two under two. Yeah, we're going to be kind of in it. But I just kind of think if you're going through hell, run. And that's like what pregnancy is for me, right? I need to come up for breath there. You said something great on our walk today. What was it? You guys went on a walk. That's another nugget. You guys are another relationship nugget. Well, we don't have our baby here.

38:26It's our second night that we've left both of us her at home. And so we woke up and like. You're like, wow, we can do anything. I don't know what to do with myself. What was the nugget though? The on-walk nugget. She said, uh, I'm, this, no, but I, this actually may, I don't know if you're going to want to keep this, but she's like, I actually like this timeline, this timeline for baby three. And she's like, if I can say right now that I, that I'm, that I want to get pregnant again within under a year. She's like, if I can say this now and like, it is so fucking hard. She's like, then I feel really good about on that timeline.

39:04We're like more kind of four to five kids. We're four. i'm five kids i thought okay whoa um yeah what no you need a starting five you just need you need a starting five yeah one weird like uh you guys also started a little bit later like what are we old i'm just kidding how old are you guys 40 okay 40 i'm joking okay 32 36 but does that does that go into play like you're thinking about okay yes so the third question no i was Because I had my first child at 29. I wish I met him at 20 and started at 22. Like, I think it's like hangovers. Oh, so you guys would have done the same trajectory, but like different timelines.

39:45Okay, but I do say this, which you might relate to, which is we weren't ready to become parents until we did. Like, we needed to get... I was terrified. Yeah. Oh, my God. And I wanted to get... I wanted to go out to like two in the... Like, I wanted to get that stuff out of my system and travel and like... We lived a full life. That's... I think... Before... Yeah, I feel very confidently. Well, people will come to us that are newly married or whatever, and they'll be like, yeah, we're not in a rush to have kids. And I'm like, I love my daughter more than anything, but objectively don't rush to have kids.

40:17There's no point. Live a life, do your thing. If you want to have them early, sure, that's cool too, but I'm glad we waited, just like you're saying. What enables me to be as present as I am with our daughter and to find as much joy and excitement as I do in the little things like putting her to bed is I'm never looking over my shoulder. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm not worried about what's happening at restaurant or bar X because I've had enough nights at restaurant or bar X. We're just in that season where you just want to be home. Literally. All the time. Yeah, like, you did it. So then, if I realistically would have had her at 22, I would always be like, I want to go do things.

41:02But I'm like, I did it. Yeah. Yeah. I firmly agree. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm glad we had the time we had. And we definitely don't miss the bar scene. Like, not that we were like, just like both of us together. Even when friends come down and we have a sitter, I'm like, I'm leaving after dinner. I'm not trying to be hungover. At this age, I value a tipsy dinner. I'm like, two glasses of wine, thank you. And then I want to go home and lay in bed and read my Kindle. Yeah. Tipsy. 9.30 p.m. I want to have my Aperol spritzes. and I'm like, I just want to go to bed. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. Because you just feel so much better.

41:33But I definitely needed to get out what I got out. Have to. Or else then you have the kid and you're doing that. And it's like a little bit different. Yeah, you're like missing that. Okay, how do you guys handle parenting? Like when one's away, you're not both always home every night. Right. I would assume. Sometimes we're at trips. Sometimes we're getting up at 3 a.m. So how do you guys handle parenting when it comes to that? Like solo parenting? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's fucking hard sometimes, but it's... Well, I feel like we don't even have an answer because we're so aligned with our parenting styles.

42:10Well, yeah. I guess we do everything together. Yeah. I mean, it's very chill. It's not... We're definitely not like the... I speak for guys because guys are usually the culprits with like their wives. Oh, it's like name your baby's diaper size. And I'm like, how do you not know that? Yeah, we're not that household, but... Three and I can squeeze her into a two if I have the wrong side. He's like, if it's coterie, you've got a whole breakdown. She's like 105th percentile on high. Yeah, she's different. She's different. Really? She's a beast, yeah. She's really. She's huge. People think she's like three and she's not even two yet.

42:45She's like a 10-pound baby. Oh, was she? Yeah. At 39 weeks, too. She's like 30. I don't know her exact weight. But how do we sell a parent? We just do it. I mean, I'm going to be gone in Berlin for like a week next week. Yeah. Allie just you did some brand trips and stuff. You were gone for a number of days. It's actually pretty even though the amount of time we spend solo with her. Yeah. It's this is the thing. And you guys will understand it's like we're both since I've retired. We now started like a new life, right? Like it's a new start professionally. And like we're kind of in the grind phase where we both have to like she can't be like, no you can't go do stuff with nfl network in berlin yeah so like i have to go and like vice versa like if you have an opportunity you have to go so we're fortunate that we can both be solo parents and like be good at it but one thing i will say that we both always try and set each other up in the ways that we know how to best like i always make sure if i'm going on like a trip i try and leave the house as clean as possible he always try and leaves me meals okay okay okay he cooks for you.

43:50But then I realized, I'm like, wait, we can order a door to us. Like, we don't have, like, why am I cooking these? But that's actually really cute. Yeah. No, it makes us feel like taken care of. I'm like, oh, he's thinking of us before we leave. Obviously, you're thinking of us all the time. But like, you're just like making life a little bit easier because you know you're going to be gone. Totally. This segment is sponsored by Nannit. And what did we do all morning? we woke up and we um we watched bubba get out of bed and we watched her go to sleep and we checked her uh progress of sleeping that night she slept she had an amazing sleep she slept the whole night so tate's at home with our dear maria and we were like how did she sleep when did she get up what did she do in the middle night and we got to see it all on the nana even though we are two time zones away from her.

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45:56Get 25 % off your first order with code 2PARENTS. Go to nannit.com and use code 2Parents to save. Well, one thing that I like that you guys stand for, but it kind of falls on you is, speaking of Nanit, actually, they were telling us that 50 % of Nanit users are dads, which I would think like... Right. Interesting. Which makes sense. Like, that's an ideal statistic. But I think about like my, you know, you think about like your grandparents. You know, like I don't know that my grandpa would have known how to like check the baby monitor, right? But what's really cool this day and age is like dads are more involved.

46:33Like there's more 50-50 parenting happening. For sure. Which like allows you to go to Berlin, but then allows you to go on your brand trips. Yes. Which is, I think is awesome that dads, it's sad to even say, but like you guys are both an example of like dads, you don't babysit, you dad. Right. Well, I think, I mean, literally. Like I, yeah, I think I would, like it's, we're fortunate, right? Because Isaac is home during the day. So it's like, I don't have to leave him instructions, but that's also coming from a place of like privilege because i understand people who have to leave instructions if their husband is gone from nine to five right like hey by the way this happened today no longer likes peas just heads up but i do love the fact that i can just leave the house and i don't even have to say how long i'm gonna be gone for usually i'll give you a heads up but like hey i'm leaving and i don't know i'm here no there's no instructions by the way i see you drinking water i'm fully paranoid about your nausea now where are we at on the nausea scale i feel great now i'm curious i feel i'm not even kidding you so there's the adrenaline thing right yeah so like i'll make it through this and then like when you guys leave it's a wrap i'll be like and we're going to would you rather fly out of sna no yeah connect through phoenix yes back to austin or uber to lax fuck no thank you what are we doing unless you're unless you're flying to jfk no I'm not driving to LAX no we are wait where's the final destination again Austin home yeah the layover wait you know JSX flies directly into have you guys done Austin JSX JSX wait is it direct no it's not it's not direct you have to go through Vegas yeah you have to go through Vegas yeah nevermind so we can't we gotta go I think there's been confusion on how this has been represented there is I think I can tell by hearing it option one I think I messed it up wait did you guys choose different yes but then I switched my flight We're going to fly separate.

48:27Option one is we fly from SNA and connect in Phoenix back to Austin. Option two is we Uber to LAX and fly direct to Austin. I'm going direct every time. Every time. Are you guys Delta people? Today we are, but we're American people primarily. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's. You guys are Delta one. We couldn't get a seat on Delta. I saw that video. I was like, that's cool. I feel like if you're Delta out of LAX, the lounge is the best in the country. I will, if we're flying Delta, I would rather go to LAX. You've got to see this Delta video. Delta 1's crazy. Yeah, I know we're off on a tangent here, but the Delta 1 lounge at LAX is absurd.

49:08You pull your car up, they get your bags out of the car, and they take your passport through license, and they go, go get a drink, do whatever, we'll get your bags checked in. Separate security, they go straight to the lounge. Like, it's crazy. You don't see anywhere else. You don't go in the airport. Okay, so she's had us on, so I historically never paid attention to points, ever. But you do. She got the static. Isaac is a top tier at Delta. Okay. And she's now like, we're going to be an American family. And so all we do is fly American. This isn't novel. We just have a point system. We're an American family.

49:41I get nothing for this American. Nothing. Which is crazy. There's zero perk. There's zero perk. To the point, to the point that we were, last time we were here, when we flew out of LAX, they didn't even let us in the American lounge. That's true. Because we weren't flying internationally. Yeah. Okay. That's crazy. This, this American, Delta. We can swap. No, Delta is, I'm a Delta fan for life. We're going Team Delta. We're going Team Delta. Sky Miles, Delta Sky Club, like, yeah, I'm Delta. Yeah, speaking of finances, we're deep in the Delta. We have the Delta Amex. We have the, everything. That, yes.

50:15So Isaac is now top tier Delta status. I'm about to be. Cross my fingers. I hope I make it before the end of the year. I might just have to take a few trips. Just do it. That's worth it. No, it is worth it. No, you'll get there. Because we've gotten upgraded to Delta One multiple times. Yeah, you said you'll buy a normal ticket and get the upgrade. Just flying. So it's paying$300 and getting a lay down seat. You've never been upgraded? Un-American. I'm upgraded all the time. And I'm like, I like how the thing, like the. I'm constantly upgraded. That's a lie. I've never been upgraded. She's taking your upgrades.

50:48That's why. No, he's not putting in his points. I'm putting in my points. You can do that retrospectively for a year. My points are in. I've tried. He also doesn't have TSA. Do you guys both have TSA? Yes. I'm not allowed to. I'm Canadian. Oh. Wow. I didn't realize you were Canadian. He's from Vancouver. Not like that changes things. Yeah. Like, oh, I view you very differently. My first taste. You're like, we're an American family. My first taste of. You're literally from Canada. America. But my first taste of real college football was at the University of Notre Dame. Really? Yeah. God's country.

51:21My roommate, when I interned in investment banking when I was in college, went to Notre Dame. And I went down there for their senior night against Utah because he played baseball. And there was a joint baseball football team house. And so I went down there and had an unbelievable time. I love Notre Dame. The place is unbelievable. It was truly fantastic. It's where we met. Yeah, we did meet at Notre Dame, yeah. It's funny, I was hosting recruits because I was a senior. Or no, I wasn't a senior. I was younger. But they gave you$80 to host a recruit. That was like the rule then. You could get$80.

51:58And so I was like, I'll literally host 10 guys if you want me to. Because I had no money. I'm like, whatever. And literally never went out. I never went out. And then the one time I went out, I met Allie at a party. Yeah. But yeah, Notre Dame's fun. That's why we came down to visit because it's so great. Do you guys go back a lot? Well, I went to Michigan State, so I had to put that part in my back pocket. But I do love Notre Dame. We haven't been back. We haven't been back in a while. It's tough. We need to take our daughter back. Yeah, that would be emotional. Was your first date at Starbucks like Google said it was?

52:30Yes. Okay. Is that Google-able? You can Google that. You can Google salaries, first dates. I didn't Google salary. I'm doing it when you leave, though. Yeah, yeah. How much did Isaac make in his career? How much did he make in the NFL? Just so you know, everything you see on Google in terms of salary, cut that by like 55%. I was about to ask if it's accurate. The NFL contracts are accurate because they're literally pulling data. Yeah, the contract is, but you have to think of taxes. Right. So you just want me to get the post-tax number. Yeah. Okay. So those are the pre-tax numbers. Yeah. But we did, yeah.

52:59We did first date at Starbucks. I was like, you were kind of wanting like a country boy and I was in, I grew up on a farm and I was in like this country boy era and I was like, had a flannel everywhere I went. I don't think that was an era. I think that was your childhood. Yeah. You had cows in the backyard. It literally was. Where are you from? Georgia. Okay. Yeah. And it worked out. Here we are. Yeah. Did you ever break up? Yes. Yeah, we had breakups. Yeah, is that Google-able too? Because we did break up. No, I didn't Google that. I'm not sure if I did, it would tell me. Is there a relationship stable?

53:29No, we broke the fuck up. Yeah. You did? Who broke up with him? It was mutual. It was mutual. I mean, it was like the first year that I was in the NFL, I feel like it was just tough because she was still in college. Yeah. and then I had an off season and we were just like living truly two different lives because she was in school and I'm like I have nothing and like we were so codependent on each other we took like a I think it was like six month break or something like that it was like four six I don't know how many long here's what's juicy though we broke up and we had a pre-planned and he actually met someone else and we pre-planned a trip to Bali yeah pre-breakup so then we didn't hang out we broke up in like i think it was like it's january because i came to visit you for my birthday so you broke up with me on my birthday romantic it's like i hate you it's your birthday but we broke up in january and we had a trip planned for march yeah what to go to indonesia we went i mean we went we went was it awkward it wasn't awkward we just kind of like acted like we were dating again just for that trip and then at the end he was like by the way i still don't to get back together i also had like bali bali so he was saying this like like we had just came home from the hospital i don't yeah so broke up with me on my birthday he said he didn't like me still after the hospital but then i moved to california and i was like wait he thinks he's like hot shit like i can find somebody else like if he's not interested and then we just kind of started casually dating again yeah live separately and everything which is great how'd you rekindle just I guess going like hanging out just time yeah you just saw that that she was out here and you were living in California well no we it was we were in more contact than like oh wow you moved out here but she was Ali's respect I respect a lot super independent so she was like yeah I'm moving out to California and living in LA I was like whether we're together or not so because my job was interior design so I was like I'm not gonna stay in Michigan no offense to interior designers in Michigan but like there's more of a market for it in LA and I was like so I'm leaving and I was like well and if we end up working out this would be convenient yes so I got a roommate I lived in Santa Monica and then we just kind of like would hang out like once or twice a week and then it started to go yeah which I mean we started dating then I moved down to Orange County we still live separately and then we moved in together then we got engaged and then yeah now we have a whole child and and was there any long distance and all that all of it everything all of it until we we were a year before we got engaged yeah i mean we were long yeah long distance the majority of our relationship yeah like 2020 or 2018 and so what did y 'all do successfully to navigate that long distance process because yeah i feel like that's something that that a lot of listeners would um would be interested to know yeah i actually loved having a long distance relationship in college specifically because I allow it allowed us to both be independent have our own lives we also went to separate colleges so it wasn't like I was ever ditching my friends to hang out with him uh but trust for sure like if you don't trust the person then like you're there's no point in doing it yeah also like you played football so it's like when does he have time to cheat on me it literally we had no time especially in season but I think for us it was just like prioritizing seeing each other though like especially when i played like in the nfl i was like all right i'll get your flight or you can get your own flight or whatever like we still saw each other frequently there weren't it wasn't like six weeks would go by and we hadn't seen each other we definitely prioritized seeing each other which i think was great yeah it's tough though i mean long distance is very probably also tough if there's like the financial aspect too yeah it's like i was like if you want me to come out to california like you're gonna pay for my flight right it's it becomes expensive yes yeah but if you're gonna come out and see me you also have to pay for your phone sorry literally it's crazy though like a lot of phone calls a lot of facetimes i think it's easier now because you have there's just so much quick acts like people facetime before they do anything now but i think more people are on are doing long distance now because people are chronically online that i think people meet people further apart now for sure or the apps and then so i I think there's like a lot of long distance relationships happening.

57:42I never did think about that. Yeah, I didn't either. But it's crazy to me because, yeah, you're right. Like people on Instagram and stuff are meeting. They're being like crazy. Yeah, you can meet across the country. I guess a lot of my friends I've met through social media. So it makes sense if I met like a guy. You can just follow somebody and then like each other's photo and then start DMing and then like before you know it. I kind of like that because it makes like your pool of like fish is bigger. It's a lot bigger. Mutual friends. Like I have so many friends that have met their boyfriends or girlfriends online.

58:12That's crazy. But not on an app online. Yeah. Did you guys do long distance? No. For like a day. For a day. So I don't know if you're sure. I want to build up something that they said. Okay. Because what we said is both correct. Yeah. So you talked about like you prioritized it. And you knew you wanted to make it work. Right. And that was our story. where basically she was recently out of a divorce. I was out of an eight-year relationship. Crazy. And I was technically living in L.A., but I was gallivanting and spending a lot of time. Was on the apps. Yeah, was the app king.

59:01And we met. Your daughter just watches back and be like, Daddy, what? What do you mean? when uh and from the day we met we really never left each other yeah and so i just didn't leave new york just kind of like yeah we were just like oh but we but you i think you get the perspective of what you want when you've ended a serious relationship i'm sure it becomes very clear absolutely it was crystal clear and we were like oh perfect but we just like made the ultimate sacrifice you know the ultimate not sacrifice the ultimate commitment to one another and that was like you know our company is largely remote so I can be work from where I need to be and I wasn't leaving I wasn't leaving New York and when we went back to LA we did it together so um yeah what else did I miss from that no that's it I think we I had done long distance before and I was like never again like you know I was 29 30 at the time and I was just like got it found it yeah and from there you know you guys did it younger and i think i think a lot of people are doing it now but and i had done it and i was just like i'm not doing it again because i feel like i had paid my long distance dues yeah god it's it's all paid out well also like the long distance wasn't hard because i knew there was an end to it well i think that's a i think that makes a huge difference if you don't know there's an end that's i like i don't know how to recommend that waiting on your partner like if you two have stable jobs in different cities like Yeah, that's tough.

1:00:27Somebody's gonna have to make that sacrifice. Yes, and if you don't know who it's gonna be, or when it's gonna be, I think that would be hard. Yeah, or somebody's like more willing, yeah. A long distance with two - Like if he would've gotten drafted to Wisconsin, I don't know that I would've chased after you. Sarcasm? Really. You're like, wow, yikes. So, California was a big - You went to Cleveland? Yeah, I did go to Cleveland though. Cleveland was great though. Cleveland was like - Was it? That's how you knew I was real. We loved Cleveland. Like I would follow you anywhere. coziest time of year.

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1:02:09It's time to wrap the ones you love in luxury with CozyEarth. How has your definition of success changed now that you have a daughter, both professionally? how do you define success now and then as a as a couple I'm certain okay um I think as a prerequisite I don't think any my my definition of success has not changed cool like I truly believe my goals well no I mean obviously like my time availability has changed but like I haven't had to be like hey I can't do certain things because I have a child now that being said my priorities have shifted so like I think there's a difference between your priorities and your definition of success if that makes sense makes a lot of sense so your priorities are different now what you would put first yeah what you would do first how my yeah like my means to be successful and like the route that I take is very different because I can't just be like chronically posting videos for social media I can't just sacrifice everything to do like start a sports podcast and you know whatever it's different but like I don't think either of us have had to sacrifice our goals and aspirations because we have Scotty I mean or at least I hope not and if if it was the case I would hope that you would be like hey I really I mean you've told me this like hey I need you to pull back in certain areas so I can do things or vice versa I was like buddy you had your time those are those are conversations we've had but yeah I think success I always thought I was going to measure success financially and I think that was like younger me and now I measure success and like how much happiness it brings me which is also coming from a place of privilege I have to acknowledge that but I I think success is like how much do I love doing like my job how much do I look forward to it is it filling up my cup because I know work isn't always going to be like oh it's just going to make you happy all the time but I think you do like I think successfulness is like being able to live the life you want with the job that you love and I always thought that when I was a mom I was gonna want like have to pull back on work but I think me wanting to work makes me a better mom like you can have both you can be a successful working mom and you can also be a great fucking badass mom totally which I didn't think originally before not that I didn't think that of other women but I didn't think that I was going to do it able to do that myself right but I do like the fact that I think more specifically after she turned a year it became easier for me to be like I'm going to set aside time to work and then I'm going to set aside time for family and not intermixing the two because then I would get frustrated with one or the other and that's not fair.

1:05:05Yeah. I think that makes a lot of sense. Like if I'm, I know this about myself, which it sounds like what you're saying. If I'm mom 24 seven, I'm a worse mom. Yes. I need to go. And I, and he's the same way. I need to go and, and put my brain towards something else. And then I'm a better mom too, which I think. But like, I also like working knowing that like I'm going home to my daughter. Love it. More fulfillment. Yes. Like it, it's crazy. And I'm like, Oh, I want to get home to her. So like, I'm going to do all my work as soon as possible. and then I'm going to go home. So it's definitely been, it's been an interesting process though after like postpartum because obviously the first few weeks postpartum I wasn't like, I need to go to work.

1:05:43Which I think that's also unhealthy. I like leaned too much into work freshly postpartum. Like I didn't take a day off. Like I was in the hospital like posting it and I'm like, that's crazy. Like I'm in the, I was in the hospital just shocked, shocked at what had happened. I was like gotta give up this content It was just like kind of traumatized Just like my jaw was on the floor I really need to applaud How hungry y 'all Both still are While still being Very very very Engaged parents You can tell From talking to y 'all like y 'all are there For the moments And I think what I'm surprised by Is like is how much fire how like the fire of of accomplishing things out of the house hasn't um like it really hasn't i thought it was gonna kind of slow down after the nfl but it's actually done the opposite i mean look i think it pays to have uh and like to be inspired by your partner because like i think well and to have a supportive partner because like i would never just be like oh whatever like I'm just going to put out the flame because like you're grinding.

1:06:58I'm inspired by that. And I hope it's the same way the other way around. And like also like you give me a lot of opportunities to go do things that I'm passionate about and vice versa. So I think it has to be a good situation. Like I think if it's not, then flames go out and then or you become discouraged because you're like, I don't I'm suffocated by life. I can't even take a second to breathe, let alone come up with goals and aspirations. So I think we're really fortunate to have each other. And that's what creates that environment. Yeah, it's amazing. Do you know what I haven't realized until you just said this?

1:07:34Because you said it pays to be inspired by your partner. And I don't know how to say this. Okay. Okay.

1:07:44It's the nausea. It's the nausea. Yeah, no shade to anybody else. Yes. But they always say, like, you are what you consume, right? And I think like the person you're around the most is her and the person I'm around the most is him. And I never realized this, but he inspires me so much more than anybody else I've ever been with. Totally. And that's contagious because it makes you want to do more. And I haven't thought about that, but it does pay to be inspired by your partner. Every day. I know. It's every day. Right back at you. But it's a really good point. Like if the person you're with is and you have if you have that desire, it will fuel it.

1:08:18The only thing that I feel like I need to add, which I think you guys, I think will land with y 'all, is like historically, like if we were having this conversation eight years ago, like my definition of success, what put a pop in my step was like our company's daily P &L. If we had a monster month at work, I was flying high. And it was really work above all, which I assume if you went out and had a great game and y 'all's team won and had however many tackles in the sacks, kind of same thing. But now, no matter how good things are going at work, if we have a monster quarter, what does matter most is what is happening under our roof.

1:09:05right for sure and what allows me to love work the way i i am right now is because i'm so happy with what's happening underneath our roof right and so that is a big change of success for sure in terms of how i view success is like you know i could be on the road for six eight weeks at a time before and like if the p and l was there yeah it's all they're humming yeah uh and so yeah i don't know i felt like that was some insight yeah no i think you gotta take care of the home front yeah well it's your why you have to take care of your why like if you don't have a reason to be doing stuff then i feel like now yeah my why has changed as in like before i was like oh i'm doing this for me i'm doing it to prove people wrong i'm doing it x y and z and now i'm like wait i just like want to build a life for like me and my family like i want to do cool things for my family yeah and her to be like proud of you oh yeah which i think is cool and i'm like how can scotty take away like what i'm doing no i think it's literally at a cellular level like i think what you do like it's like osmosis like your kid just absorbs it i mean or at least like i said earlier like you hope like everything we're doing i feel like she just absorbs whether she's gonna be able to remember it or not like it's surely it has to do something and if it doesn't I want to operate thinking that that's true because then we're going to be grinding.

1:10:34I like love that. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I want to be cognizant of their times. I want to just ask the post or what? Okay. I have a couple different things. I need to jam in there. Jam it. Did you play sports growing up? I swam, yeah. Okay. What? We were like volleyball, track. She's kind of a beast at swimming. No, I was a swimmer. I mean, by the time I jump in, I'm already halfway there. That's so true. Tall, being tall definitely helped. That's funny. So I'm just curious their perspective on this. So in Canada, it's called a hockey dad. You know, slamming on the glass at practice, screaming at kids on the ice, et cetera, et cetera.

1:11:11Here, stage mom, is it a football dad? Soccer mom. Soccer mom, yeah. No, not soccer mom. Soccer mom has like a negative connotation. Soccer mom's like dance mom. Like has a van. Dance mom, maybe football dad here. There's nothing wrong with vans. No, vans are great. No, they're great. A lot of trunk space. I'd be curious to hear where you think the right balance is around parenting and competitive sports, if that's the path that Scotty or any of your future kids choose. I mean, my dad was a great example. I mean, my dad was at every single game, but we were not like— I mean, up until the NFL, like literally was at every single game.

1:11:57I mean, I just ran a marathon. I did the Chicago Marathon. He was there. Like, he's at everything. And we were never, like, getting in the car. His dad's actually probably watching this. Literally. He reposts all your TikToks. It's really adorable. I love him so much. It's unbearable. Can we say his name? Steve. Yeah, Steve. Don't say Steve. I don't call him Big Steve or Steve. Big Steve. But he was never the dad that was like, son, like, how do you feel about your game? Or, like, we never talked about it. He never pushed me to do anything. like he always he always told me not to quit and you know effort was a thing but like we never had an aggressive household so we won't do that now like scotty needs to put in effort and like i just want her to be successful like at whatever she does but i'm gonna support her along that way okay yeah so like i'm not gonna be like you signed up like you better put on your big girl pants and like let's go i mean i'm sure there will be those days but i don't want it to be like i make her hate what she's doing yeah you're so hard on her it's like yeah so it's not gonna be intense yeah well that's like what parents don't realize is that doesn't make your kid a better athlete your kid is either good or they are not good so you drove your own success on the field i had a good ecosystem for it but like i was an athletic person and like that's why i was successful and you had the hunger yes like you you were practicing you were lifting weights yes you wanted to lift i had a standard but isn't it like a relationship like like him wanting to be successful makes you want to be successful so it's like do you think that goes for sure yeah for sure but i think we're we're the reason why i asked the question is uh last night i went to uh my dad came into town i took him to world series and my dad and i it's unreal by the way that's cool uh it was it was a blast and baseball in the in the memory bank for us is it was our first father-son trip uh he took me to spring training in uh tucson arizona and he would coach me for many years and i loved our relationship through sports he never you know would i'd never get in the car and and hear it but i also never played competitively so it was a great like relationship and a great framework for you know call it recreational success but not competitive success sure um and And yeah, I guess like that just wasn't my path.

1:14:18And yeah, I mean, especially comparing our statures. Are you kidding me right now? No, but sports. What do you mean? I'm just saying. You could have definitely made it. I was not implying I could have made it. I was not implying I could have made it. No, no, no. I tore my ACL, but I was on track. I was never good enough to even tear. Did you just need to get your sound bite in there of your sports? It's so funny. That's actually hilarious. But I didn't gather that, by the way. In your defense, I did not get that. I was not. Listen, if Canadian football had four downs and not three downs, I would be a starting quarterback in the NFL.

1:15:02I would have been bought in. It was the three-down issue. I just meant like I didn't have a father-in-son relationship. I didn't have 6 '2 in good shoes 6 '2 in good shoes 6 '2 with a heel I can get 6 '2 and a half Our daughter is definitely going to have this stature for whatever she wants to do sports wise She's going to be a beast She's going to be a beast at whatever she does and I don't care if it's sports but sports is like the greatest thing that humans have that might sound crazy and you want to keep like a safety in it like I don't want her to be like stressed about talking about to her dad about sports like who cares about whatever I'm glad like so it's cool you could share that with your dad in like a chill way.

1:15:40Yeah. I think that was the point, which I got. So thank you. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for that. That's good. No, it's good. Very, you know, and I want to give each compliments, but I've noticed like a common trait of caring men. Caring men what? What does neighbor T do every time he walks in the door? What does he say to you? I don't know. He says it every time he walks in the door. How do you feel? Like he can't focus. without getting a feel for how's your nausea. Our neighbor, yeah. And so I really appreciate you checking how her nausea was. You're good at super good at checking in.

1:16:15No, I noticed the water, yes. And one thing you've done a couple times on this episode that I think I have a lot to learn from is you have a great ability to give a really strong perspective but not isolate the other side of it and show empathy for the other side. So like what you did on the interior design where like very clear on why you needed to be in LA versus Michigan. Yeah. But still giving that group in Michigan their love. No, but she'll also keep saying, she'll say I come from a place of privilege too. And like she'll acknowledge that. A bunch of different examples. Yeah, you're very good at acknowledging that.

1:16:55You guys are both very good at talking. Yeah. Thank you. I think it's really easy to like get thrown onto a platform and just think of you, you, you, you, you. but quickly into Isaac's career when Isaac got released I remember crying in the internet because I'm like my husband lost his job and everyone's like I can't feel bad for rich person like yeah this does kind of sound a little tone-deaf like yeah my husband is in the NFL he does have like four or five years under his belt like I'm coming from a place of privilege but two things can be true two things acknowledging both sides I always like to do that because I'm like well yeah Isaac's a great dad because he's at home and that was that was a good area where you did it too like he's not at the office so he does know the diaper size yeah and when they get home i think every dad should know the diaper size but maybe not the nap time routine yeah and they get home from the office and they're exhausted like i do get that you're exhausted because you did just stay at the office all day like it's it's very but mom's also exhausted everyone's exhausted everyone's valid everyone's tired everyone is right everyone's feelings are valid um okay very quickly postpartum mental was hard on you oh my gosh that rocked me like a ton of bricks it i didn't realize how much it rocked me until now people are like, Al, you seem so happy.

1:18:03And I'm like, wow, was I really like giving off that like aura of like being depressed? But I definitely think it took a lot out of me. One to two, there's no way can be harder for me personally than zero to one. Okay. I was such an independent person. I loved my alone time. I liked doing my own thing. And then also having Isaac like, hey, okay, I'm done being alone. That rocked me. Now I'm like, one to two sounds a lot easier because I'm like how much that rocked me. And two to three, like, like also from their understanding, like the way that it goes. Yeah, we'll be okay. I think that makes a lot of sense.

1:18:42I know I'll have to stretch more time across like different children, but I do think the realizing like I'll never be at home alone unless rare occasions was like important. And also like the hormonal aspect. I just feel like I didn't have a village. I don't have family that lives near me and just a lot of like a lot of life was happening. I mean literal worst case scenario. Like I had a c-section. I got rehospitalized. I didn't really have a ton of friends that I could talk to and then man it was. Yeah it was tough. And then I was also battling with like how do I balance being a mom and like doing what I love.

1:19:23Can I do that? There was a lot of shit going on there but I think a lot of had clearly to do with hormones too. But you breastfed for a year. Exclusively pumped. Exclusively pumped for a year, which still doesn't allow, what I didn't realize was it doesn't allow your hormones to re-regulate. So you're still in a hormone imbalance. The week I stopped pumping, I was a fucking bitch. Oh, my God. I literally remember thinking, I don't know if I ever did this, but I was like, I should apologize after this is done. Did I do that? Did I apologize? I am not. That's all I'm not. Yeah. But yeah, wow, the hormones were crazy.

1:20:00And then I also like lost like 10 pounds like within two or three months. Because your body like holds on to it. Yeah, so it is crazy. Will I do it again? Probably. Isn't that wild? Yeah, you'll do it again. But the pumping was hard because I was doing all the work for none of the like emotional relationship, like the benefit of breastfeeding. It's like, oh, like you get to create that bond. I didn't get that. you were just doing for the nutritional it was a robot and i fucking hated that robot and the pump was a robot yeah yeah yeah you're charged you're plugged into the wall like charging is how you feel yeah so how was it on you though and how are you supportive because like it's a nobody can describe it to you it's a it's a brand new minefield like experience yeah i'm just gonna sum it up as this i think it was just a huge learning experience for me okay like i think would you do things differently next time absolutely i mean who wouldn't right yeah i had never done it before i think i didn't realize i'll give you an example there'd be days when we lived in texas where scotty was like you know four or five months old and ali would just like be in bed for a couple days right like she'd just be in bed and kind of go get food and then come back to bed in my mind i'm like oh like she's just like remember texas i'm just like oh she's like just had a kid and she's just like pumping and doing stuff now i look back and i'm like no those are like signs of somebody who's like very depressed like you're not leaving bed for a few days i've never dealt with depression i have no clue what it feels like so then as go ahead and brag yeah sorry you have great mental health because what does anxiety feel like i've definitely been anxious many times but not depressed so then when she as she described when she like came out of this fog or whatever i was like oh wow i was tripping i didn't understand and not that i was ever like Allie get up or like you know never that and I did my part and like I cleaned the pumps every single time like those pumps did not get cleaned by anybody else but me but I think there was just more of an understanding and like maybe like an extra mile that I could have gone I didn't know what I didn't know and it is what it is and I think it was just a huge learning experience I couldn't believe when when you stopped breastfeeding or pumping I was like oh wow she was in a weird place but it became so normal i've said we've talked about it it just became so normal for her to just be so like blah really though like very emotionless and i just was like oh like i i didn't even like i don't know and then it kind of switched and i was like dang i could have probably that it made it more real why women not that i ever i i'm like fed as best right but it made it more like it made more sense why women would stop breastfeeding for mental health which i never understood but i understood that i didn't understand it and now i'm like oh yeah that makes sense you were a trooper with it though she literally didn't you were like i'm not i didn't get to choose my c-section i didn't get to choose being rehospitalized i didn't get to choose like her breastfeeding but i did get to choose how long i pumped for and so in my head I was like I'm not getting this up I think that's cool like that was your one thing that you could control and so you did it but when I tell people I exclusively pumped for a year they're like you're fucking insane listen I primarily pumped I get it like that that to me just like does make sense um and I know you don't get the bonding part but I felt bonded so I do understand what you're saying but I also I I get I get people that say I'm going to formula like I 100 I say it all the time on here like fed is best mental health is insane it makes like I I'm just like, I mean, I totally get it.

1:23:40Well, also something important to think about is like, you shouldn't let your storm get others wet. Totally. So like when I think, and that's not supposed to be like toxic, like internalize your feelings. It's more so like choose what's best for you to be the best you so you can be the best for your daughter. You can show up for your family as well. But also do it for you too, because that's enough. Yeah, and I'm going to do it differently next time. Are you? Well, I put too much pressure on myself the first six months. I was 100 % breast milk and I'm gonna go. I sobbed when I gave formula and then, cause I like weaned the last month and I gave her formula and I sobbed.

1:24:16I was like, Isaac, take the bottle. I can't do this. I'm like, I'm a idiot. Like it really wasn't like, I almost wish that somebody would have accidentally gave her formula so the bandaid could have been ripped off. Cause you don't know what you don't know. I was almost superstitious with it. I was like, she's only had breast milk and things are good. So I don't want to change it. Yeah. But then you change it and not one thing happens. except your mental health. You're like, huh? Except you can breathe. Yeah, you're like, this feels nice. I would just like cry in the bathroom and be like, and be Ubering home a bottle and it's just like, next time I'm not going to do that.

1:24:47Yeah, the pressure is like, it was entirely too much but you don't, it's like we all say, we'll do it differently the next time. But I think we will. We actually will do it very different. I hope so. Yeah, it'll be better. It'll be better. It will get better with every kid. All five for you and four for us. Full starting lineup. Yeah, you guys will have your, I'm actually thinking of six or seven. I don't know. You know what? Let's just build an army. Okay. You guys were awesome. You were fabulous. Yeah, thank you. This conversation was easy. No idea how long it's been. I'm not nauseous, so. Step one.

1:25:19Heck yeah. Neither am I. Are you nauseous? No, I'm not nauseous. Okay, good. Are you? I may just throw up to see what she does. You shouldn't have told me that. No, it's bad. The shit that's sober in me is like. It's bad. I've got to see what happens. Yeah, no, it's bad. It'll be not a good effect. But that was a lot of fun. A fun double date. Yes. Thank you guys for coming. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Thank you. Okay. Meeting adjourned. Thanks for listening to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast powered by Just Media House. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to like, subscribe, comment, rate, and review.

1:25:51Stay connected on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook at Two Parents in a Pod. Welcome to our home. Sorry it's so messy. New episodes Mondays and Thursdays.