Bragging parents, kids’ birthday parties & the power of perspective

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0:36You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. Okay, ready? First ever morning recording session. How are we feeling? I feel great. It's fun to record with a coffee, not a Diet Coke. How do you feel? I feel great. I think mornings are my favorite time to be productive.

1:14Totally. And as long as like we get that, I get over that like initial energy hump. Like, you know, sometimes you wake up in the morning, you're like really tired. Yeah. Once I snap through that, which I've snapped through now. Feeling good? Love it. But you're a sign person. sign oh yeah i like a sign you love signs talking about bubber knowing the assignment she has not slept through the night in probably three weeks yes two weeks start off with that and last night she slept through the whole night and so she knew she knew there was a morning recording session she knew we had to um get it done and and quick we have one hour to get this done and let's do it let's do it now so um thank you bubber for sleeping through the night thank you sweetheart and then we go and get on a flight and fly to nava for your birthday should she hear this you know should she be listening to this episode and well i saw something online and it's this mom and she talks to her baby and she talks to her baby in a human voice okay and we're gonna get in the episode ready set i'm going welcome to another episode of two parents and a podcast What was that that fell?

2:31Just a little thing, a little phone on a glass. So we were at our house the other day just doing like a check because we're still in the hotel. So if you're on YouTube and you're like, what's going on with the background? We are still at the Line Hotel in Austin, Texas, which is like, I got to say, I've had a blast here. Love the lobby. Love to go get a coffee, get a breakfast taco. Like that's been really fun. And sometimes at night, we'll just go down to the lobby and walk around. Yeah. The valet people, they know. Great location to the hotel as well. Location's great. My valet ticket's 66030.

3:06And all of us know it. Me and the valet guys. This room is also insane. Have you put the room on the internet yet? I have. Okay. I put it on the internet. The room's, it's unbelievable. So today, the reason we're recording in the morning is because we're going to Napa and then Carmel. Harrison's planned the whole trip. shout out to you because Harrison used to live in San Francisco and Napa to you is the equivalent of the Hamptons to New York or the lake in Oklahoma City probably also the lake in Dallas I think if you live there but and all that to say it's like a destination you can drive to yeah it's like an hour plus minus away the ranch in Austin a lot of our friends have ranches So it's kind of like how nice for that to be Napa.

3:54Yeah, we spent a lot of time there and in like such different ways. Like sometimes you would take a party bus up there with a group of 10, 15 people. Sometimes like when my family would come in and visit, we would do a night or two up there. you know if if I'd ever dated anyone before you it would have been a in theory a really nice romantic place to go away but obviously you are my first and only um fact so yeah I just like San Francisco and the broader NorCal is is just a part of the country that I've had so many fun experiences in. And like we, what I loved about our trip last week was like it, half of the whole trip was new to me.

4:46And I think mainly new to me, but like not fully. And what I love about this trip is like, these are areas that I know much better that I can, um, that I'm just like really excited to show you. Like, well, like the restaurants we're eating at I've been to before. Um, we're mixing in some new things. So the big birthday surprise at two 30, on the 1st. I have not done before, but I've heard amazing things about it. So there definitely is that balance, but I'm really excited for, and obviously I've showed you a bit of that area, but to get some more time down there. No, this is very much like, I feel like you're taking me on a trip because you know it so well and I don't know it so well.

5:25So anyways, we're going there, we're taking the bubs, we're doing Napa first and then Carmel for the fourth. One thing that is funny that Harrison and I have realized is the way you give and receive gifts in a relationship is a really important thing. So one thing that we've realized about gift giving is Harrison gives experiences. I give gifts. So like last year you took me to the Soho farmhouse, which is an unbelievable experience, right? And then for you, for Father's Day, for example, like I'm giving you a grill set with like, that's like monogrammed and air mace shoes. So I'm not like just giving you a grill set in comparison to your Soho farmhouse situation.

6:04but so like for this Napa trip on my birthday Harrison was like I've planned I've planned like 2 30 we've got a really cool experience six we've got a really cool experience and then he's like but I also got you a gift because I love to open it could be a t-shirt but like I like to open I like to tear paper on a present and open it Harrison I could get him all the gifts on the plan it but it means like the way you receive love is you need one thing planned that day one experience would you agree with that yeah yeah I think that it's I think you nailed it it's like gifts through experiences or gifts through physical items but you pointed it out after mother's day you were like that's so after mother's day and father's day it happened you're like that's so funny because you play an experience heavy where I plan gift heavy but the way you plan is actually the way you want to receive so that's the nuance of it all but we're moving on from gifts we're talking about bubba we're talking about sleeping okay so guys this is very noteworthy we have had a big week with the bubba raider and here's let's preface it with saying what uh so i really like we're out with friends um this weekend and uh we're all just kind of talking about random things and the guy just stops the conversation he's like you know know what he's like i need to do a dad brag and we're like what and he's like i'm i'm gonna brag about my child right now and i'm just gonna call it out so everyone knows that i'm about to do it and i'm aware i'm doing it and i loved it and all the parents just leaned into it and and like embraced it yes and what he said was um like prefacing it just disarmed everybody but he said for where she's at her age she knows 60 words where she's supposed to know around 20 words and everyone was like that's awesome oh yeah basically he bragged about the baby it was the most fun thing on the planet all that to say totski's hit some milestones this week a couple big ones couple big milestones and we're really proud of her but we were talking about him like we don't want it to come off like we're bragging and i think there's a difference as jewel says in celebrating versus bragging.

8:19And we're allowed to be proud of her and we're allowed to share that with our friends and our friends are the listeners. And just as we would be proud of them, they can be proud of us. We also didn't do anything for the Totski to learn how to stand up. That's just like a natural trajectory. It's just a matter of when it happens. Well, should we share the milestones that she reached this week? She can clap. Yeah. Amazing. She can moo. Como se la vaca? Moo. Yeah. She moos. Como se la vaca is what does a cow say? and then there she stands, and for the grand finale, we got a crawl out of her. We got a crawl.

8:54But no wonder she wasn't sleeping. That brain was on overload, and these all hit within two days. Yeah. So my take with this is probably going to be a little different. Okay. And one of the things that I feel like we've heard since she was born, whenever different milestones came up was every baby goes at their own pace yes and you know so much kind of like comforting from older from parents with older kids being like don't stress if it's month three versus month five and um and like trust the process and when it comes to these milestones like with bubs for the first like six months in her life she was not very physical like she was always really really curious she's still not super engaged but she like really just kind of six seven eight months and like stayed in one place yeah she sat up very straight and then like truly it felt like almost overnight and when I say overnight more of a couple week period where it's like she kind of the flip switched and she's like I'm gonna start being active and moving and standing and like it was nice it was just really nice to see like that that kind of that saying that you hear from parents like really play out, which is like she followed her own track.

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11:17When you go to Dipsy stories slash two parents, that's D I P S E A stories.com slash two parents for 33 days and 25 % off your subscription. Dipsy stories.com slash two parents. That's D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash two parrots for 33 days and 25 % off your subscription. Dipsy stories.com slash two parrots. What I always find is so funny is like, I don't, I can ask my mom and you can ask your mom, Hey, when did I crawl? When did I walk? And when did I talk? Well, fast forward to now you and I both can walk. We can run and we can talk like you're when these, these milestones are everything right now but in the grand scheme of things like everyone evens out for sure so that's why i'm always like what we're not you can't be like my kid for sure like well they're all we're all gonna end up for sure the same place and the excitement isn't around when they do it it's it's that she did it well i also saw somebody comment on your como say on the voc the somebody commented on your video about her mooing and we're like mom and dad how you sleeping and like had a ton of likes yeah and i like responded and i was like not a lot and they were like of course yeah because it It started happening like three weeks ago.

12:30We had the 7.30 bedtime nailed down. And now, I mean, she'll go to bed at 9, 9.30. And she'll wake up a couple of times throughout the night except for last night. So I think that the sleep regression is really real. But I do feel it's starting to lighten a bit. Like she's only waking up once, which is nice. Let's hope. I think one thing that as I reflect on what I just said, there is like the other side of it though that I'd love to hear your thoughts on, which is like we do want to make sure that if she isn't, that like we do have the pediatrician to ensure that if something isn't tracking the way that they would expect over a certain timeline that we can get the help needed.

13:15Well, it's like teeth, okay? So you're supposed to get your two teeth in the first year or something like that, right? some babies have all four teeth there was one the other day have their front top two bottom two by four months old tate has like one some other people have just like two you know and it's so it's like there's these guard rails so to speak like by the first year you should have one pop through but they're actually pretty loose but yeah if tate's never rolled yet developmentally they're gonna wonder is there is there something And so they do need to look a bit more into it, but it doesn't need to be like a race.

13:58That's where I think it, so it's like, yeah, understand in theory, like, like a bowling ball there, you put the guardrails up, it should hit the pins, but like the way it hits the pins, it's going to be different for everybody. And that was the message that I was really trying to preach is like, and I really hope it didn't come off the wrong way, which is like really trusting the process of her own timeline. Yeah. And not getting caught up on if things are coming a little late. What I think is more fascinating than anything is that it all happened in the same week. That was bizarre. That was what was so crazy.

14:36He's like, we crawled. Then we looked over in the crib and she was standing up. And then we get a video from Maria that she's mooing, you know. And then she started clapping in the backseat when we were listening to Kygo. So it's like, well, that was a week. Yeah. You know, it was a crazy week. She likes music now, too, I think. We thought for a second that she wasn't a music girl. Okay. Let's now talk about my fail of the week. Let's hear it. Do you know it? Oh, yeah. I know it. It's so bad. Okay. So we got invited to Emma, one of my friends that lives here. her son's second birthday party okay I've known Emma for 14 15 years because we went to college together Emma and I we were close in college so close that I knew her dad rich I then Emma and I like lived in different cities lost touch we've obviously since rekindled all that to say I didn't see Emma for seven years maybe I also didn't see her dad so she tells me my dad's coming to the birthday party.

15:33I'm like, heck yeah. Okay. So we roll up to the birthday party and I'm like on high alert. Cause I don't want to miss her dad. And I want to, he was like on my mind. And I was like, I really want to go over and talk to him. So this first guy I see that's above the age of 40, I just blurt out, Oh my God, are you Emma's dad? And he's like, no, he's like 45. and the look on his face was just like am i emma's dad it's the equivalent of me going to priscilla's birthday party and somebody asking me are you p's mom like no it looked like he saw a ghost and then he left um because emma then told me she's just met this guy him and his wife they're new friends i think i mortified him and i couldn't believe it's the only person's fault that it is is mine.

16:24I do just wish you were right behind me. I wish you would have made some kind of a comment. I like wanted to and like you said it and he's like no. And the silence and awkwardness was just like, everything ran through my brain of like, how do I like jump in and save this or make a joke of it? And like there was not, it was like truly like I, there was nothing to say because like the question was so direct. It clearly wasn't a joke. No. I like, you know, short of me just going in and like kissing him on the lips. Be like, hey, yeah, we're a crazy family. Like, just like what would I have done? Like I'm sitting here thinking now three days later, like what could I have done?

17:18Kissing him wouldn't have been a bad idea. It would have been the weirdest idea. He would have been like, who are these two? Well, he would have forgot that you just thought that he was Emma's 70-year-old father. Then I saw Emma's dad and he just like looks the exact same as he did when she was in college. And I was like, hi, Rich. This is obviously you. Should I kiss him, Jules? Obviously the other guy wasn't. It's too much. It was awful. I was mortified. Well, I just feel bad for him. My question is, like, did the guy look like Rich? Or did they look nothing alike? They looked nothing alike.

17:53I thought they kind of looked alike. Like a bit. Like a 15-year difference. 15. Solid 15. Okay, so the last time you saw Rich, he looked like that. I think you're being nice on how old he was, out of fears you would listen. He definitely, like, I would assume, how old do you think he was? I would have told us, or somebody told us he's like 50. Yeah, I would assume there was a five handle on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was just, oh. Let's talk about. And then right, I just got to go. What? Okay, go, go. And you may need to cut this. But like, I just, you say it, and then his wife is behind him, who's very young.

18:36And the kid's there. It was. Emma's dad. Emma is my age. oh it was just yeah i should have kissed him it was dad like and he just he didn't like mess with me back like he could have been like it was dad like what do you think and i just yeah it just fell he literally said no and then we all stood there and i said brutal um but when's the last time you've had a kid's birthday interaction that awkward okay great question if you know yours go ahead and Jules you have a mic so if you have one too uh I like can't think of one I can't think of one I can't either okay but that is a good surely there's got to be the like somebody that I've met or the it's probably like a you're not recognizing somebody's situation I'm I'm very bad at that so yeah i've just kind of gone accustomed to this five second of yeah i'm very bad at that jules is shaking her no i just like don't get awkward like even if an awkward situation i don't know well i was thinking of one where somebody told me not to do something like how do i word this without doxing the situation basically like let's say somebody it will be the equivalent of somebody saying like don't send tate to this school and this situation had nothing to do with tate it had to do with me and work but somebody saying like don't send tate to this school and me being like she's enrolled and has gone there for five years but i wasn't awkward about it i was just like okay so we do go there yeah this isn't awkward i've also heard this from other people and like the girl like you just see it on her face she was like oh and i was like it's okay I already did it though.

20:35And I think that, I think that we're, the awkwardness of the situation speaks to like, I think we're collectively pretty good about not getting awkward. Right. I can always make a joke about something, but I was the one that said it. If somebody came up to me and said, hey, are you Emma's mom? I'd be like, do I look like it? Yeah. But yeah, like my plastic surgeon is amazing. Did you guys see the Guadalajara face transplant lady? No. We don't have time, But this lady, she was 55 and she looks 28 at maximum. Christian-er? No, but it's like the same type of facelift. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's really viral on TikTok right now.

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22:55I don't really get it. Now it's something that you and I go to with her. It is an absolute blast. I think birthday parties, I think the fact that the parents come, I asked TikTok, I said, when do parents stop going? What if I can't go? Do we just send Tate? Like how do birthday parties work when you're younger? And it's like the parents all go. And I think that is a blast.

23:21So my take is like this is like probably similar to weddings where like when you first start getting into wedding season and the wedding era of life, like every wedding is exciting and like everyone you want to go to and every bachelor, bachelor party you want to go to and then very much is like, oh my God, another wedding. It's a good comparison. So I feel like that is going to happen with birthdays And I feel like we are going to want to come up with what the right game plan is. And I sent you that Emily Oyster video. Did you watch that? Emily Oster, yes. And so basically what happens in that clip is like she says that they are a firm no to birthday.

24:03So they don't go to birthday parties. Which works for them and I applaud that. Which works for them. And like I see that. And while I definitely don't think that will work for us because I think we really like what birthdays mean to both the children and the community bonding component of bringing parents together, I do think we are going to need to find what our game plan is. I think for Tate's first birthday, there isn't much of an option because the kids are so little. Well, do you know what they say about the first birthday? It's for the parents. It's the first birthday for the parents. Yeah.

24:39and the second birthday kind of quasi feels like it's for the parents totally and then third birthday feels like that's when it starts to be for the kids yes and like i just kind of feel like i want to be very supportive of her going to the birthdays and her supporting kids and her supporting the classmates and us doing so fun for them and their friends for sure and i have amazing birthday memories growing up same but like what i want to be really respectful for to is the parents that like have errands to run and have things to do or just like may not want may want to like have a break and so I think what I'd love to do for us and her future birthday is obviously not her first or second but like do a parents optional and so like have like almost a caretaking committee of parents that we say hey for Tate's birthday we're going to ask that you come like have six or eight parents that are going to be there the whole time and be on like the watch squad but then for the other parents say parents optional and that means you can go and you can drop your kid off and you can come and if you need to run to the store and do your grocery shopping or take your kid to gym other kid to gymnastics like I don't want to I want to create an environment where like they can drop the kids off and can do their own thing and it's not like a one takes all and it's the same way like I'm sure that we'll want to go to a lot of them but that some of them like we're just we're gonna have other commitments but i don't want to be so extreme where it's like we're we're an anti-birthday party you're like we're just not going because i i i want kids also to all feel the love well well no question and here's the thing too like okay so let me just say this back to make sure i understand so when it's her fifth birthday we'll invite her whole class right for sure but like our of course we'll invite her whole class but like our best friends that are all like parents and they have got kids they'll come but let's say that there's like katie in her class who like we don't know the parents but tate and her are friends on the invite it says parents optional but katie's parents also have three other kids so they're like i would love the mom call she's like i would love to just drop off katie if that's okay we'll come back we'll get her two hours later you've got enough people there to watch her like totally yeah and as it comes out of your mouth like this sounds something very obvious that parents would do it.

27:01Well, maybe parents do it. Well, I was just going to say this is like field trip and field trip chaperones. Yes. Not every parent goes on field trips, but you have like the chaperone and they have their little group of five that they watch over. I want to be a field, I would like to be a field trip chaperone. Here's my question. And this is like inexperienced parents talking about future birthday parties, something we know nothing about. This to me in theory makes all the sense. I feel like I've made it to, like, I feel like I'm talking like I made a discovery. I may be talking that this is how it's done.

27:32But from what I've kind of heard, it isn't done. From what I've heard, it feels like parents are guilted if they don't go to the parties. So I made a TikTok about this. That's what, this commentary is coming from your TikTok commentary. Yeah, yeah. So I made a TikTok about it and here's the thing. Let's go see. Parents, most liked comment, parents attend until kids are older. Okay. Oh, so until kids are older. Next most liked comment, I'm not leaving my kid. If I can't come, she isn't going. next most liked comment. Love this one. Please don't leave me alone with your kids. It's too much kids.

28:04And that's the one I kind of want to nip in the butt where it's like by having the watch committee or the chaperone committee. So April and Heather are kind of saying this. I always attended until my kids was 10 or 11. And then Heather says, until they're 10 to 12ish, parents come stay and are also part of the party. And I love that. But if they don't want to be part of the party, I think we want to create an environment where the kid can still be there. And maybe I'll eat my words on this and maybe it's too much. But like I look at the conversation with – what do we – do we call them neighbor T?

28:39Do we call them neighbor T? I love Bonnie. We throw bangers for birthday parties. We usually have about 20 to 30 kids and 40 adults. They're so fun. I was never a party mom in my own mind and now it's actually insane. And I want to do that. You too. I want to do that. But if the parents don't want to be there, I don't want them to feel guilted. And I just think about like neighbor and if we go to neighbor and we discuss this with them, neighbor T, neighbor T. We'll believe the and we say like, do you want to like start this watch committee? He'll love it. He will get watch committee T-shirts made.

29:14Yeah. He'll be like, we are on watch committee. Oh, there was a video that I saw, by the way, and it was like expensive Jewish summer camp. And it was a guy doing a bit on it. But I had bummer with me, so I couldn't watch it on loud. but I really want to find that video and watch it because I think he was like, I think you would enjoy it. Okay, so we have five minutes. And what we're going to do with those five minutes is we're going to pick our most banger of a topic, which I think, I just think we should do the bicker of the week and call it a day. It's the 4th of July. It's a light week. People have things to do, places to be, people to see.

29:44Well, what I'm going to do is before we formally call that, I'm going to look at what the time to the airport is. Okay, do that live. Tell us. And then that can ultimately dictate. We're going to do two. Oh, we're good. I mean, we're 17 minutes away, so we can roll for another 10 plus minutes. Okay. This is what I want to say. We've got to do our best things we DMed. Totally agree because I want to talk about this one specific meme that I saw. And okay, so it's because, and I think this is helpful on a holiday weekend, power of perspective, which is something that you taught me. Okay. And you're big on like reframe it.

30:21Reframe what you said. So there's this meme and La Noche Fitness posted it. So basically it's for parents because if you're traveling for the holidays or something like that, sometimes it's like, so the guy says, oh, she only did the night shift once. Reframed. Wow, I can't believe she did a night shift. Or you're changing him wrong again and the dad's mad. Instead of, wow, babe, you're doing great as a new dad. Okay? And then the last one that I want to talk about is kids are expensive. Or, wow, what an investment. Okay, guys, if all this finance talk feels a bit overwhelming, I've got something that might make it easier.

30:58I recently came across a company called Thriven and wanted to share how they help new parents like me and H save and plan for the future. If you're anything like me, since becoming a parent, I've been thinking about my finances way more, how I save, invest, and spend. It's not just about me anymore. There's a whole family to think about. For example, college, should she choose to go? it's really important to us that we've got that covered for her. Thrive-In offers tools and access to financial professionals who can help people build plans that reflect their unique values and goals. I love that it's not a one-size-fits-all, because as we've always talked about on here, everyone's lifestyle priorities and financial journey looks different.

31:39So if you're feeling stressed about planning for the future, definitely check out Thrive-In. Yeah, um, I need it. Growing up, like post, not even growing up, But like I feel like post-college and really like when we started our business, like I had a very much like glass half empty mindset. And it was Alex Cost who really like changed my perspective to around reframing and how to find the positive around situations in life. And he just lives life with the most amazing outlook of anyone I've ever met. And so I just like, I saw how he makes every situation the best, whether it's a, you know. You said he taught you how to make your workday fun.

32:33Workday fun, cooking at home on a Tuesday night, just embracing the activity and the moment that's in front of you. It's really life changing though. Like the way that you're able, you make vacations fun. If we have to have a packing day, you're like, we're playing music and we're having a dance party. Like you just sprinkle fun into everything. But even working, you taught me, you were like, get out, go to coffee shops. Like make it fun. Do it at a happy hour. Yeah. And this, I think travel days are a great example. Like, like I've now shifted my perspective. Make it fun. To look forward to this, uh, this travel day.

33:14It's like as crazy as that may seem. No, but you've shifted mine too. So thank you for that. Thank you, Alex Cost. Thank you for the flowers. Thank him and also him for his flowers. Yes, sir. We're giving everybody flowers. All right, bicker of the week. Okay. We're going to end on that. Well, we got to do Things We DMed. Let's do it. Okay. Which one do you want to do? What's your favorite? My favorite Things We DMed is probably the new app that matches single people based on their browser histories because I kind of want to edit it. Like, wow, you would think browser history would be a good idea.