Engagement Q&A: Proposal details, wedding plans & our thoughts on prenups

0:28Good energy in. Even when the totes are stacked, find select shelving and tote storage up to 15 % off at the home Depot to organize every room in your home from your garage to your attic. Visit homedepot.com. How doers get more done. So Jules, while she is getting the questions sorted. Yeah. I noticed, I don't know if it'd be a bicker of the week, but like a uh an avers b of the week okay so whenever i ask alex do you want the good news first or the bad news first no matter what she always wants the bad news first and often there's not bad news i just like you know it's a way i like to deliver good news or just you know to dramatize things do you do you do you two have like a firm way to like when someone comes to Do you want the good news or the bad news?

1:25No, because I'm pretty even keel I feel like So you just say give it to me I don't care Do you have a preference? I think I want the good news first I want the good news first So I can weather the bad news Get me up So I can be like Okay, I'm already up If you hit me with a shot, I'm good Versus like If you take me down I think it's harder to get me back up That's why you don't ride too high or too low I just think bad first always. I say this to you every time. Stop asking me. I just want the bad news first. But often there isn't even bad news. Well, then it's a ridiculous question. Okay. Should we do this Q &A?

2:10Yeah, let's do it. Engagement Q &A. I'm in my workout clothes. I think you look great. Good for you for working out this morning. I'm trying to get back into it. I'm trying to get back into it. Speaking of, ready? Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast. This is the engagement question episode, and we're just going to hop right into it. So, okay, I just, well, I'm actually editing my notion doc here. Okay. Number one, where did the book idea come from, and where did you get it? Okay. I think I spoke to this on the last episode, but I felt like or feel like our love story is out of a movie.

2:55And so I wanted to do something that reflected that. And the logistics of making a movie. Seemed hard, I would imagine. Hired actresses. Uh, and so, um, that naturally parlayed into, into a book and the idea of a children's book made a ton of sense to me cause I could, um, incorporate our real life photos. There's also the incorporating bubs into it. And so, um, yeah, it just, it felt right. It didn't come. I'm sure I know a lot of people have done this before, but like it didn't come, I didn't like see something and be like, that was it. it was thinking on it and um i don't know if i said this but i didn't if it wasn't that i really don't know what it would have been yeah like all the other ideas i had just like didn't feel reflective of all of us and our relationship what was the runner-up idea um

4:04I was going to make a joke, but I'm not going to make the joke. Alex, who would you want to play you in the movie? The movie version. Oh, good question. Wow, Jules.

4:19Oh my gosh, I don't know. One day I'll make the movie. Like a famous person? I think so. A capable actress. but yeah i don't know i want it to be special i want it to be reflective of us pin badgley or whatever for him people always say they look alike that's pretty good that's a new one i i you never want to say who you get growing up and then it changes but that's a new one i used to not get him i used to get two other people but we're not going to go there we're not going to go there but i love margot robbie but not but not her that would be great she'd be like i love her I also love Kate Hudson.

5:01But to put a bow on it, yeah, I wanted to do something that was reflective of our love story that was special and that most importantly I thought you would really, really like. And so the book checked out. I didn't have another good backup idea. Like there wasn't a close number two. Barrier ring and a rib? I'm thinking our number two and I'm almost too embarrassed to say it tell us I am too embarrassed to say it ring-shaped pancakes no what was it ring like that wouldn't have flown with you I don't think what was it what was the option to tell us you gotta say it Harrison come on say it I'd rather not okay where'd you get the book uh so the book I ended up using I got online so I used a local print shop and I just didn't like how those turned out they were um softback what is that called uh paperback yeah yeah um in smaller scale but also like not what was described to me yeah and then um so you got it online so you googled places to make I googled it and then played around with a bunch of a bunch of different um a bunch of different websites love it okay Now that you're engaged, does anything actually feel different in your relationship?

6:23So I think I'm going to take a stab at this and you can let me know. So internally between us, no. But optically, and I don't ever really mind, like there's a question in here, like the judgment of others having a baby pre-marriage. Like none of that ever bothers me whatsoever. If it did bother me, actually, I think we would have gotten married a long time ago if like I was concerned about that. But what does change is the more the formality of it. Like.

6:56The one thing we always said that was lacking was like we didn't have. How do I verbalize this? Like we didn't have the thing that I can't find my words like. OK. Nails home the relationship. I'm not sure if this is what you're trying to say, but this is where my brain was going. is I felt like, I feel like us not being married does a disservice to our relationship. Yes. And I think it doesn't accurately reflect the love that occurs in our home. Well, I agree with that. And it's like we own our home together. We have a family together. our finances are merged and like we love each other yeah and we love each other but like the missing pieces and and so then then the question becomes within why aren't you married so now it's just like we're kind of on our way to doing that formality which i just like yeah you know it just feels really like rounded out now yeah but there was a word i was like trying to look for uh and and i i i think i had that word and i lost it but basically like now that you're engaged in anything actually feel different in your relationship the answer to that question is no totally totally agree feels the exact same when we had bubs when she came into the world and like took her first breath I think everything like we were such a united family and that feels the exact same now you know so um that's the answer on that okay hiring the right people can be so frustrating especially when you have to sort through resumes and wait for the right candidate to apply.

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10:27Paka dares you to wear these out if you can. And if you do, they'll replace them. To grab your Paka hoodie and a free pair of alpaca crew socks, head to go.pacaapparel.com slash two parents and use our promo code two parents. That's go.pakaapparel.com slash two parents and enter promo code two parents. Okay. The next one is any updated thoughts on a prenup and our initial thoughts on the prenup were basically finances. Well, because we just went back and revisited this. So So finances pretty much merged, except for, you know, if your grandma gives you$100, that stays separate. And then any prior investments you made before us meeting, those stay separate.

11:12I would say, like, largely, that's still true. Have we done a prenup? No. Do we want to do a prenup? Yes. We just we haven't done it yet. But I would say to like we now have two joint bank account with two cards from it. Yes. Okay, so here's the thing. We have a joint account now that we pay for Bub stuff. We pay for all of our groceries, all of our dinners, all of our travel. Like anything that we're doing day to day, like it's in a joint account. We don't like keep track of that. What do we both – Harrison actually runs it. Do we put the same amount of money in it? How does that work? I think it's probably like a good cue maybe to do another finance episode if people would be interested in that.

11:54And talk through like specifics of how we do it. Talk through like how we've structured things because they are quite a bit different than what we'd initially said. And then – You know, I gave you a compliment the other day because I was sitting and I was talking with some of my friends about like finances. And they were like, how do you guys do it? And I said, listen, Harrison's a lot more financially literate than I am, so you've taught me a lot. But one area where – and you help me with my investments. but one area that I love and I'll use buying the car as an example I came to you and I was like I want to get a car I don't understand like what's a smart amount to spend on a car what's not a smart amount to spend on a car and you made it really fun and you made me feel really good about it and I felt really safe about my purchase and like you're really good at teaching me but I think the biggest thing you do around finances is you don't make it crippling or you don't give me anxiety around it, you make it uplifting and fun.

12:55Yes. Well, thank you very much. And so, pardon? Well, I was just going to say, okay, this isn't the finance episode. Okay. So we have to keep going. On the prenup thing, I think that I love the idea of prenups in principle. The priority of getting it done with all that's going on definitely feels like there's quite a few things on the list beforehand. So I love it in theory, in reality. Does it happen? When does it happen? Who knows? Who knows? I like it. Also, I always say I think the law is good. The law is good. But I also agree on... Yeah, I think one thing I've learned about you, and this is...

13:43I think this is part of... I think you're very fair. I'm very fair I watch the way you like handle situations in life and I'm always so impressed by the deals that you that you give people that's nice thank you well I always I'm not going to give examples but like you've been here's what i'll say i've seen you in many cases more than one where the contract is on your side and you don't go by the contract you go by what's right well i think that and i don't i actually don't know where that came from except like my gut but there i think those are like moments where you can sort of you can go by your contract and be a little bit not of an asshole or a dick but you could just be like very stuck by your contract or you can have like a high character moment back we're good and i just would rather do that and i've just seen you do that on on several occasions so well that's very nice okay when emotions were still high yeah um obviously when things are going good i think it's very easy for people to go and make that decision but when there's conflict and things are tough what do people do in those situations and that's when I've been very, very impressed.

15:12So, sign here. Thank you, sir. What? Sign here. Okay, all right. Will you legally change your last name? Yes. And, you know, I can't wait to change my last name because I say this all the time. I'm so excited to have the same last name as the family of you and the Bubberator. Love it. Bubberfugger.

15:37She's wearing the cutest outfit today. She looks like a little boy. She's wearing a golf shirt. But it's a romper. It's so cute. It's got a collar. Oh, I got to take the photo. I can't wait to see her. Okay. Handling others judgment of pre-baby marriage. I want a baby ASAP and I don't care about the order. I didn't feel a lot of judgment around it.

16:04And so there wasn't a lot to handle. Also, like, I just do my own path. Like, do you know what I mean? I'm going to get in so much trouble, but, like, I didn't hear the question. Oh, my gosh. Handling other people's judgment of doing a baby before marriage. Do you know what else? Hold on. I have something else to say. Yeah. When I posted a video about doing, like, how we bought the house and I was so excited and, like, we had bubs but we weren't married yet, there were so many people in the comments being, like, same. Like 30 years ago, I had a baby before I got married. Now we're celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary.

16:39Like I didn't experience a lot of judgment from it. And we were always having such a sweet, special time that if anybody was judging me, I didn't mind. Also, the way I handle judgment is I never listen to judgment. Like sometimes people will ask me, do you care what people think of you? The answer to that is yes. I care what a select few people think of me and how I decide on those select few is people I would take advice from. And I very much still care what those people think of me. But past that, no, I don't care. I'm with you on all of it. Like, yeah. Yeah. I also think in today's day and age, it is a lot more common.

17:19um like i do have several friends that have had kids before marriage and then gone gotten married and are very very happy relationships um one actually announced today and i'm sure you haven't seen it because it happened five minutes beforehand who brandon's having a kid oh they were trying to get pregnant yeah oh that's exciting yeah oh yay we must send a gift yeah okay love it with little soccer shoes because he used to play pro soccer that's really cute yeah Okay, so sweet. Oh, dang. I was going to say something. Don't know what it was. But yeah, no, not – didn't have to like weather a storm, you know?

18:00Oh, they say the most important person – okay. So I do have this like new view because they say the most important person you ever pick in life is who you have kids with. And I think that's very true. Totally agree. like that is my new thing that I just think is like because gosh I mean you're up all night your whole life changes you know and doing it who you pick to do that with is a really important decision so listen I'm not advocating for the order we did in it but I mean it's pretty smart yeah it's worked for us and it's a good way to put it it's worked for us it's been a lot of fun um okay was it difficult not being married and having the baby with insurance etc not at all bubs is on my insurance and the reason she's on my insurance is we were renewing like we were updating our insurance and so i just put her as a yeah we just added her a dependent on mine we could have done yours but i don't think we're you and i are going to merge insurances like you're kind of on yours i'm kind of on mine there's there's there's some stuff i need to look into on that but but no in terms of was it difficult i don't think our insurance is optimized right now okay but it wasn't that's just that would be a problem if we were weren't married it's not like once you get married you guys should merge insurances that's the most effective yeah oh but actually i don't know as like as business owners i actually don't know that that's the other is we're doing is there's some other things that we're trying to figure out so um

19:36yeah she's definitely on your insurance today i'm i'm curious what our insurance set it will be in the next couple of months yeah but like in terms of like a dodgy way just in like no we need to figure it out but like logistically was it difficult no thank you jules yeah thank you jules jules kept saying please add your dependent you have five hours left i'd be like oh yeah gotta do that it was fun though i typed in tate bugman and then it said relationship when I said daughter it was a really fun moment for me she was like one day old um okay now we're going to go to the wedding question you guys let's talk about Harbor baby monitor Harbor is perfect for the not so tech savvy parent with its seamless and easy plug and play setup plus you don't need to rely on complicated internet connections since Harbor works with or without wi-fi which is truly a dream come true ever feel like baby monitors should just give you a peace of mind instead of adding stress.

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22:21Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair or relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit for hers.com slash Alex to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you. That's F O R H E R S.com slash Alex for hers.com slash Alex. Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety effectiveness or quality by the FDA prescription required see website for full details important safety information and restrictions actual price depends on product and plan purchased I just got engaged to what do you think is the very first step in wedding planning it feels daunting well for us the first step is figuring out what kind of wedding do you want like what do you want to do because there's so many different ways to do it so like are you having an at-home wedding do you want to have a destination how many people like I think you back into it that way.

23:14Okay. Harrison getting, we're getting a nod. I don't have anything to add on that. Okay. Um, are you leaning toward a big traditional wedding city hall or something in between? Well, you kind of covered all of our bases there. So let's break it down to what I could see, what we could see happening in three different areas. Number one, we go to city hall, we get married and then we have a big party. Would you agree you could see that happening? For sure. And if we go to, I'm going to get really detailed here. I think it's fun for the listener. Okay. If we go to City Hall, I would like to still have a cake.

23:48Okay. I'm obsessed with wedding cakes. Okay. A cake, some sort of a white outfit. Of course. And bubs to come. Of course. And maybe a dinner at Sammy's if we do the courthouse here. Love it. Because that's our spot. Okay. And then the party after. Then we would do like a big party after. um in terms of that big party after i always think like we think austin school we think vegas is super cool because it's in the middle of oklahoma texas and vancouver um our dream was always paris to go to paris and get married it's just when you factor in like a baby sleeping sketch it just becomes a lot so i think that that do you agree that that dream is maybe dead maybe not fully dead in the water but yeah i i um i think the party the the courthouse the party i think is a lot of fun um i think that party i love the idea of it being like a concert harrison always says who do you want to play and there's a event there's a specific venue in Austin I don't want to say it that he loves that I think would truly be a blast to do it at yeah um in terms of other locations in theory while I love Paris I care about logistics more than ever before and so I think having it be a direct flight and convenient from um texas oklahoma vancouver is huge is key um we should look up cities that all three fly direct to and then we'll just like narrow it down from there yeah there's a website we just get married in tucson that's just where everyone can go to we're like okay but are we answering this question i feel like we're like not really given an answer so that's option one option one that i could see is doing is courthouse to a big party yeah option two and here's the thing like we're just enjoying this engagement time right now we're going to narrow down on these and when we know i think we'll tell we will knowing us will tell you option two is like a turd not traditional wedding i don't think in any in any world we do a traditional wedding but more so the ceremony and the party are the same weekend yeah and and so i think we would do something like that again love a vegas love an awesome i love somehow julie and harrison hadn't heard of father of the bride the movie so they weren't i know p my i also was like what so they didn't they weren't familiar with the at home wedding but then jules reminded me who else did it was miley cyrus and liam hemsworth they also did the at home flowers everywhere like wedding which i think is super cool but also we think like Vegas could be really cool.

26:46Like a check of, like the Elvis chapels. Yeah. Um, I think, I think Austin, I think the home Austin wedding could be a lot of fun. We've come to love the city so much. This is obviously where our, our core memories as a couple are. And, um, and our home is such a big part of that. Totally. And we could do some really cool things. Um, so I think that's an option. And then the last, those are the two options I would say. Yeah, I think that like the main thing that's like ruled out is a traditional chapel to a sit down dinner to a dance to that from us. I'm blanking on the word like a convention hall.

27:33Yeah, a ballroom. Yeah. Like, I think that's the one thing that you won't see from us is a ballroom wedding. Well, I also but I don't I don't think you'll see a lot of traditional aspects from us. with whatever we do. Yeah, it's really important to me, though, that it's special. It's fun. As long as Bubz is the flower girl. I can survive. Bubz and Parker, if I can survive. What about Parker? Because Harrison's niece, now I think I can say our niece, is almost four. And I think she could pull the wagon and Bubz could sit in the wagon and throw flowers at him. And she'd take it very seriously. Bubz takes herself so seriously.

28:12You give her a job. You know, she likes to do it. So I think that'd be really cute. So all that to say, we don't have like the exact logistics ironed out, but we are massaging. It'll be fun. Yeah, I'm excited. It'll be really fun. Okay, what's your take on inviting kids other than Tate to the wedding? We've talked about this before and like I just think we'll probably do no kids at the wedding. Also, what I've learned is like you're getting into bedtime area. You know, like, Bubz is 9-9 at 7-30. Yeah, as I, like, think about it, I just don't think kids will enjoy being at the wedding. And now, listen, I don't know that we have to be so hard on it.

28:57Like, older kids, your mom recently went to a wedding. And she said there was some kids there. I don't know how old they were, but she said they were such a lovely additive to the wedding. And they were really excited to be there. I think they were the bride's nephew, the groom's nephew. So in that regard, like I do get it if they're older and they enjoy it. And maybe they come for a second. I don't know. I actually, I, this is the first time I'm thinking about this as it pertains to us. I think it would be weird to not invite our friends' kids that we have a relationship with. Like you're telling me Winnie is going to be at our wedding?

29:36Like you're crazy. Winnie's going to be at the wedding? But Winnie's. going to like getting his married. Oh, she's going to officiate. You think Winnie's not going to be at the wedding? I would love it if Winnie's dad officiated. I mean, that's the biggest no-brainer of no-brainers. I think you guys are going to have kids at your wedding. I totally agree. Oh my gosh, and we always say no. Oh, that's so funny. I know. Okay. Yeah. It's just it can be a burden on the parents like if you take bubs to dinner right now it's a full-time job but you eat last you don't really eat on like the untraditional wedding like maybe the wedding as we're ripping it on the fly here is whatever a day wedding i have no idea i have no idea yeah yeah i have no but i'm oh i'm i'm open to this listen i love like bubs's birthday party is kind of an adult party with a bunch of kids and I'm very excited about that.

30:40That's very much what it is. Um, so maybe it's a rendition of that. It's just, maybe kids are optional. I don't know. Like the dance kids are invited. People are just leaving a lot earlier. If you don't know the kid, I think it would be weird. I think when you have a relationship with the parent and the child that then I, I don't, are we going to get in trouble for this type of conversation? Not at all. No. I feel weird now talking about children. We're just trying to figure it out. This whole podcast is a... Okay. Yeah, this is a parenting pod. I don't know. We're torn on kids, I guess. Okay, what's the other one super specific, non-negotiable wedding detail you have to have?

31:22Well, like, I'm obsessed with cake. I don't know. I can't stop talking about it. Bubz is having a cake for her birthday. Like, I'm so obsessed with cakes. Have fun. Fun. No drama. Fun. You are so obsessed with fun. It's the best thing ever. Yeah, that's his thing. Like you want it to be, I know I can answer this for you. Logistically, I need it to make a ton of sense. And it needs to be fun for everybody. Yeah. I just find like. Not super formal. Weddings can be the best things in the world and can be such a blast. And I've also seen when they just like get so dramatic and there's so much conflict.

31:56And like my mandate here to push is fun and love. yeah and you don't want like that's why you're you keep talking about it's not bub's birthday like bub's birthday is just pure fun i love how you planned bub's birthday i think you've done an amazing job and you've kept it all so fun and i think that that's gonna make tomorrow really fun yeah it'll be great i'm excited um i just am like nervous that i didn't pay like some invoice i am so like i'm ready for it i'm ready to get there and just like get to the venue she's like We have another party, honey. You didn't pay. And I'll be like, oh, okay.

32:31So that makes me nervous. But other than that, I'm excited. Okay, I think that's like it. Do you guys have any other questions? You two over there? Oh, come on. There's definitely got to be some more meaty ones here. Are you going to have groomsmen?

32:48I don't think so. I don't think I like the concept of groomsmen. I think that it can be isolating. Okay. I think that's really, really sweet. And then do you know what else I think about this? So let's say we do Vegas or Austin. A lot of people are, everyone's traveling, except our friends here. And then they travel, and I think people have families now, they want to explore Austin that day. And sometimes if you're a groomsman, you have a duty during the day. So it's really cool to be like, no, just show up to the party. Like, enjoy your vacation, and then show up to the party. Yeah, or have us just set up, like, really fun events.