How pregnancy has impacted our relationship: connection, communication, & conflict

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0:41And a good source of fiber in every bowl. Helping you turn that rhythm into your soundtrack for a great day. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26. I-O, let's go! I-O, let's go! When we do the yard, I really want to have a good trash can enclosure where the trash cans are hidden, but it's still convenient to put the garbage in it. We need to fence them in. And get them to the street. I love those little, I know exactly what you're talking about. I think they look so great. I love them. Trash is an eyesore. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Okay, are you ready? I'm always ready.

1:28You don't have to, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready? Who said that? Some boxer. Sonny Liston. Was it him? No idea. Made that up. Sounds like the Hulk. He's always angry. He's always angry? That's his thing. That's his secret. You don't have to, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. I think it was a boxer. All right, ready? Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast. Hello, Harrison. Hello, Alex. I got to give it to you. I love your outfit today. Thank you. Thank you. I love yours. Thank you. You're wearing the tie-dye. This is not an ad. The tie-dye Elwood.

2:09I actually would love to do something with Elwood because I love their sweatsuits. I agree. I agree. It is a brand that I bought for the first time probably three to four years ago and And haven't made a purchase since up until last week and rediscovered how much I love it. Well, because Nordstrom had him IRL. Yeah. I mean, that's exactly what happened. Oh. Oh, my gosh. What? Oh, no. We haven't. Oh, I didn't even. I forgot. Nordstrom DM'd me. And they scheduled that lunch for us at the domain. Because Bubbers went and got shoes there. Bubbers shoes. No, we didn't go. Oh, we'll make sure to get it firmed up on the calendar.

2:55Okay. I must, I must DM them. Please don't let me forget. Okay. Wow. That's just a complete. Okay. I also have a coffee tomorrow morning cause I want to start volunteering. Okay. Who is? It's called the Jeremiah house here in Austin. Okay. Please share. Well, what I, what attracted me to it was you can sponsor families, which I'm like really into. So I don't know. I'm going to coffee with two girls tomorrow to hear more about it, but I, and then I'm volunteering on the 21st I'm going to put together um education kits for kids okay so I'm very excited about that but yeah I really want to start volunteering okay can I join uh yeah 100 % okay not the coffee tomorrow you know my mom also does the education kits for kids does she yeah well I'll tell her so speak actually let's talk about moms coming to town and okay so Harrison has been traveling he traveled last week and he's traveling again this week my mom came last week his mom comes this week um because it's very important to you that i have a babysitter he says no kind of well no more so that tate has a babysitter that's who it is because you never know what my night's gonna look like like last night i ate i can't say it i ate the sandwich you want to say which one it was oh my god the viral jersey mike sandwich yeah i ate that little asmr from jules let me to tell you what it the way that I think I threw up the did you Harrison was rubbing my back while I was puking it up I don't think it was chewed at all it was almost as though the entire sandwich because I ate the whole thing the entire sandwich just at one point came and up and I was like huh so I think in all time I mean you are throwing up all the time right now it is like actually heartbreaking how how consistent it is um but to find the the light in it i think one of the funniest things about the situation and you're like um focus on cleanliness if alex goes to throw up and there's anything in the garbage even a gum wrapper even a gum wrapper it's gross i need i need a different garbage can to throw up in i love my garbage the The particularness of throwing up into a clean garbage can.

5:14Where it's also like. No toilets. Where. Pardon? No toilets. What were you going to say? Well, I don't know if this is too niche, but did you guys have the popcorn bowl that you threw up into? I threw up. I did that the other day. My mom. That's what she gave me. I drank a like a liquid IV equivalent. And I was like, this is coming up. and she gave me, it wasn't a popcorn bowl, but it's our big mixing bowl. It might be like a Midwestern thing, but you just like have your like puke popcorn bowl when you're a kid. Maybe that's why she gave me that. People will know. She gave me the bowl and what was great about this time was with every layer, she put a paper towel over it so I couldn't see it.

5:56But with that, like the not seeing it, where it surprises me is like when I'm, and do you want to not talk about throwing up? No, I think we shouldn't. Okay. Okay. Here's how sensitive it is. I can't imagine the listener is enjoying it. Yes. And I think if we got into one or two more exchanges, I do think you would throw up on set. Yeah. So let's move on. Okay. So Harrison went last week. He went to LA and he was so concerned about me. He was supposed to go Thursday morning. He needed to go Wednesday night. And he was like, I feel like you were kind of waiting on my, I kept saying, go Wednesday night.

6:32I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. And so he booked his flight 40 minutes ahead of time, went to the airport and went. But he only went when he could tell like I was comfortable taking care of and fed. Yeah. Well, I wanted to make sure that there were no delays in because flights have been wonky that your mom wasn't delayed getting into town. And so once she arrived and then I looked at flights and saw that, OK, I can get out on a flight. and it was like an hour and 10 minutes from departure. Oh, to be a guy. The way you packed, and you packed great outfits. We went and did some shopping for Harrison.

7:12It was very fun. And the beauty of Harrison is, like, your suitcase is still packed in our bedroom, but you still had the Nordstrom sack just perfectly folded. He hadn't taken out any of the clothes yet, so he just pulled out two outfits and then just left. And we know he doesn't wash them before, so. Doesn't wash them, doesn't need to? I mean, who would? I agree. Me. Yeah, no, but in all seriousness, like, it's with how hard this first trimester's hitting you, like, it's really important to me that you're taken care of and you don't feel like you're, you know, being left. You've taken such good care of me.

7:53But, and then on the other end, like, when you are, there's some work stuff going on last week in this between conferences and trade shows. You're going to Chicago this week. Very fun. I wanted to go. So I have FOMO. I want to go to LA and I want to go to Chicago, but I can't go. I will tell you, this event in LA, a lot of people's partners were at. Don't tell me that. It was way more social than I ever expected. Did you miss me? Of course. It was a very, very... Fun. It was a fun event. And it was like a lot of couple action. It was our first time ever going. It was entrepreneurs. It was called Founderland, yeah.

8:35It was a bunch of entrepreneurs who were hosted by a big venture capital fund. That's really fun. It looked, and it was at Calamigos Ranch. Like, I would have loved to have gone. And then Chicago also. Like, I would love to go to Chicago, especially this time of year. I think, I was thinking a lot about it, though. So I think the best time, hindsight on this, to leave a baby, to leave a kid, is the zero to six month range because they don't change that much. They're just kind of chilling. Whereas right now, Tate's one. And if you leave Tate, you come back and like she learned a new word. When you say leave, you mean travel?

9:14Yeah, like leave them for a night. I totally disagree. What do you think is the best time to leave a baby? I think that zero to six months, like looking back on it, like emotionally, I like really struggled with leaving her overnight. And I think the core driver of that was like the the like there was so much concern over those early months. Like I didn't feel ready. And I think, you know, in the one or two times I did, I remember just like the the nervousness that ensued. also like it's so easy to travel with her at that over that time i do you know what i think that is though i actually think it's the first kid okay i think maybe that will go away with babies two three and four but god willing we have those but at least baby number two let's say but i do also think one thing that i've noticed that i'm doing like right now you saying it was hard to leave zero to six months i remember specifically saying i never want to leave this kid for the first year of her life because I'm like so obsessed with her yeah and I've had revisionist history on a lot of things pregnancy and her first year of life like I'm remembering them very differently than they happened yeah I mean that's but feels like like this is so much this first trimester is so much worse than my last trimester my friends are like this is the exact same first trimester you had last time you just don't remember it yeah it feels very very similar from an outsider's perspective But then leaving her now, like while I miss her so much when I'm away from her for a night, I have a lot of like comfort in her routine.

10:49Like she's on a program now and like she wakes up and like she's got a great bedtime routine and she's got consistent with sleeping and she gets to go play with Winnie. No, I've been thinking a lot about this age. And everyone says when you have kids, every age gets better. and all we have is up to this one year mark right now. But I am obsessed with one year olds because number one, they're like mini and they're trying to learn how to figure out their legs to walk around and watching them learn that they can walk is the most precious thing on the planet. And they try so hard. Like they see how we do things and they want to show up in the world too, but they don't really know how yet.

11:27So they're trying to eat, they're trying to be like, and they have this sweet little melody of a voice. It's like when she talks, I want to bottle it up and inject it into my brain forever because it's the sweetest little voice. Do you know what it was for me last night? I served a prime rib and I sent a text to Alex Cosby. One of the greatest joys of fatherhood is watching my daughter eat prime rib. And she's just like devouring prime rib and I'm enjoying it. And then she's like, one, she eats so much. It's crazy. but she's like halfway through it and she's and she goes and like you just see her brain register like i need water and so like i like forgot to put the water and like i rush i get her the little cup and then she's and just like like starts howling down the water and like seeing her her brain now process like she she wants to wash it down was precious and she just gets right back into into her meat.

12:29No, that melts my heart because she doesn't have a lot of tools in the arsenal, okay? She's got agua, ball, baby. She knows anything littler than her is a baby or a doll is a baby or like a ratatouille the other day is a baby. And then she's got dada. And dada is mom, dada, anybody that will hold her at the time, like her most safe person in the room. I think it's comfort. Is dada. And she uses those and other than that, she just ba-ba-dee-da-ba and we just try to figure it out. I do have a question for you. What? But I know you're not going to give me the honest answer. I will. I think I'm Dada 80 % of the time.

13:04100 % you are. When you were gone, she noticed you were gone. I promise you. So I think that Dada serves two purposes. I think it serves me and I think it serves comfort. But like when we, I feel like when we both walk in a room. Oh, she's like Dada, Dada? I think she looks at me and says Dada. 100 % she does. She knows you. So she knows you are Dada number one. I don't want to say that no no but she does she knows that she knows that you define like you're her you are her definition of data and then from there the way you make her feel she applies it to other people but you are the true north of data no question she's had her mama phases and she'll have more I'm not worried about that one bit we're on the same team I don't want this to be no no we're on the same team for you it's not I don't feel discredited yeah this is I just it feels like that that's my take is Harrison you are doing like come on no no but but H you're doing like last night I could I tried to stand up Marie left at five and I went downstairs and the neighbors were like we will take takes like I couldn't get up so you're doing you're putting her to bed she woke up at five you get her like you're spending a lot of time with her right now which can I tell you actually this is the relation this is how this episode is going to be how pregnancy is affecting our relationship, but I have to say this first.

14:24Last night, I had a pretty good amount of guilt missing because I love this stage right now. I love sitting and playing with her, but because I don't feel good because I'm pregnant, I've had a lot of guilt of missing watching this phase, and that made me really, really sad. And I thought, well, I thought I am sad about this, but I'm really blessed and thankful to be growing the next baby because we always talk about our Thanksgiving table in 25 years. And I know it's a short-term sacrifice, but I thought, wow, I am really sad that I'm too sick to go sit in there and play with her and watch her eat, watch her talk, watch her play.

15:00I do want to remind you of something you said on a prior episode of the night you gave birth. And it was, what would you tell yourself at the beginning of pregnancy? And you said you'd give yourself a big hug, and you say give yourself grace and don't be hard on yourself. And you have been a part of so many of Tate's memories so far. You've been such an amazing mother that like whatever is happening now is is like peanuts in comparison of of what the previous months have looked like and what the future months will look like. So, and I think it's, I think you're telling yourself a story in your head that you're missing way more than you are.

15:47Because you still are also very present with her. So I don't want to, I don't, you know. No, I know I'm present. I want you to feel good about that. But I think two things can be true at the same time. Listen, I think I'm a great mom. I'm really proud of myself. I didn't know how I would show up in motherhood. And I'm very proud of how I have. But two things can be true at the same time. I am sad. sad you know last night when I was in bed at seven I was sad about that you know because I do I do miss sitting down and playing with her but I I agree with you like I did I gave it all I had while I felt good and that was great yeah and you and I'm gonna go and here's the reality of it I was gonna go down at some point with pregnancy number two and we knew that so if even if I had gotten pregnant when she was two years old I would have I would have felt this way you know then too So it's just, hopefully I start to feel better.

16:35And she loves you. You're number one. Thank you. We always say my mom is number one. That's number two. Cooler days call for layers that last. And Quince is my go-to for quality essentials that feel cozy, look refined, and don't break the bank. You guys know I'm obsessed with my black and now cream cashmere sweater from there. And it is the same quality as the really expensive ones on the market. But these did not break the bank. and I'm telling you they are the exact same. And the way Quince does it is they partner direct with factories, they cut out the middleman, and they pass on the savings to consumers like you and I.

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18:34Um, and we probably existed in that for four months and we loved it. Like we really were in our routine with her. Um, we had Maria coming, we had the neighbors, we had the schedule, we had our workout schedules, we had our work schedules. It was great. We were vibing and then now when you get when I get pregnant I think that puts us back into I don't want to call it the trenches puts us back into pregnancy mode yeah we got to refine the new norm so then yeah exactly to refine the new norm and so I say that to set the stage of things are now different on our relationship and pregnancy hits everybody differently right some people in the first trimester take it in stride what I do think a lot of people struggle through the first trimester though and I'm in the second trimester now and I haven't quite turned that corner but I get a lot of messages of people saying like hey I turned it at 18 to 20 weeks I never really turned the corner with Tate but I'm I'm hopeful that I will I'm like come on I know we're gonna do it so um all that to say our relationship and I think a lot of relationships take a not a hit but they They turn the corner and they have a drastic change.

19:44Yeah, I totally agree. We had a great new norm and now we're finding our new norm for the next nine months before things reset again. And so let's talk about some positives before we get into what's been hard in managing conflict. And for me, the number one positive of this is I feel completely taken care of by you, which removes a lot of pressure and anxiety from me because I got plenty of that going on on my own. And so having a partner that you just you validate a lot of my feelings. You rub my back when I throw up, which is the number one thing I need. I need that done for me. And you also you do the heavy lifting of Bob's like you have a full work day and then you come home.

20:32in the morning and the nights and like you fully take care of her and that I cannot tell you how far it goes with me well thank you I think on my end one of the many positives that this is that pregnancy brings to our relationship is watching you and I'm going to steal your word But like watching you, you know, take on this physical toll of creating a new child, seeing how much it affects you and seeing you do it with such pride and positive outlook because, you know, that's what you need to do for our family. And it's just, it's really beautiful to see. And so I think it's actually you taking care of our family by growing the child, which then is what gives me, you know, which puts so much fire in me to try and take care of everything else.

21:41I will say, like, I was thinking about this, the positives, and I am so excited for April. You know? like I can't wait because again the Thanksgiving table like bringing another baby into the world and I do say that with like I am still nervous I'm just I'm going to be nervous the whole pregnancy I think that a lot of people will understand that but like you know God willing that we do bring the baby into the world like I'm so I am so excited for that and and I think that you know for me like the there's a mindset of really appreciating every chapter and every phase and obviously that's much easier for me to say because I'm not the one where the physical toll is is is hitting me but like last night for example like you know I did I found a ton of joy in last night and the joy was you know in make like I at the end of the night I was sitting there you had I just brought you steak sorry I just brought you turkey burgers mashed potatoes and cauliflower made you the frozen lemonade had a fun little evening with bubs put her to bed and I was sitting downstairs watching Monday Night Football while you're relaxed, eating your food, watching a movie, Bubz is asleep, I've got my Michelob Ultra Zero in hand.

23:12And I was just like, this is a really special phase of life. And while it's different, it's really special. While obviously feeling for you and - No, no, no, but we have. I will A couple things have happened I've opted I found my show The Diplomat I needed to find my show Because it distracts me From how I feel Okay Like I can't sit in bed And scroll Yeah That's the number one thing But it was great last night Harrison and I We text each other He's in the basement I'm in the bedroom And he's just like We found our routine now Which is great Finding-ish Finding-ish But you get her to bed And then you go to the basement Having the basement is amazing Okay I want to move on Press the positives Okay But there is an element Of guilt in that Because even when I'm sitting there And I'm kind of enjoying that moment thinking of you upstairs you know while in some moments I know you are doing good another like when you're nauseous and sick it does there is that guilt no but I'm okay I'm okay we're gonna go to we're gonna move on to what's hard okay this episode is sponsored by regain couples therapy powered by better help you guys know that I have always been a huge proponent of therapy because in life you have to play offense not defense and that is no exception when it comes to couples therapy.

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24:57And then there's tailored options for your relationship needs, you guys. See why people wish they had tried couples therapy sooner. Visit regain.com slash two parents today to get 10 % off your first month. That's regain, R-E-G-A-I-N dot com slash two parents. Thank you. Um, okay. So let's move to managing conflict and managing conflict in the relationship during pregnancy and what we did better this pregnancy, what we're doing better this pregnancy than we did last pregnancy. And one thing that I want to touch on first is I think we view it differently because I always say we have such different brains in the way we process things.

25:46And I was thinking about it earlier the way I think about it is I think there's like two ships in the sea okay one ship is like our normal living ship and then one ship is our pregnancy ship which like we jump to during this phase of life right and then whenever it's over then we go back to the other ship for you I think you we exist on one ship and now that things have changed you try to figure out how to get the ship on the path. Does that make sense? I totally agree with it. But the only when you when that comes when you say that where my brain goes is, okay, so we're totally we had ship one going in a great direction, we just jumped to ship two.

26:33And then my mindset with ship two is okay what can i do to make ship two be as great of a process as as possible like how can i make ship two as great as possible for you and that is something like every day i literally make up with the mindset of like how can i make your life easier and better as you're going through pregnancy and that's you know that's um that's something that i'm figuring out well okay so the way did that land yeah but the way the way we manage ship two so let's call it we're on ship two now because i i guess you're agreeing to get off of ship one and not have to find the new direction so we're on we're on our second ship over here and now let's talk about on that ship managing our relationship and conflict during pregnancy.

27:30And I think there's two things we've learned to do well. Okay. Because we did not used to really have these tools. And I think the only reason we're able to do this is because it's our second pregnancy. Okay. I think we're a unique case study because we had only known each other three months before I got pregnant. So Harrison knew me. and then fast forward we're six months into pregnancy and you had known me longer pregnant than you had not pregnant. And it's a whole other episode on the gamble that that was that we took, but we knew in our hearts it was the right thing to do. But you have to think about how that's a bit like, it's a bit of a mind, F-U-C-K, for lack of a better term.

28:12I like that we don't swear on this pod. I don't know, it's new. I just feel like we stopped doing it. I try not to swear around bubs now because I say ball, she says ball. So like well that could really turn out bad um so all that I can't I lose my train of thought okay so the tooth so now second pregnancy I think we're more in the mindset of like okay we understand how Alex is and then we understand what hormones can do what part they can play and one area where I think you do a really really really good job is validating my hormones for example the other day you were in the kitchen cooking and I was on my way home from the pumpkin patch where the moms had taken the babies and I had just dropped off the neighbor and I texted Harrison please come outside because I had a lot to carry and I need to get bubs out of the car and we both have our read receipts on Harrison had his phone open and so the text showed up red and he was in the kitchen like making this prime rib situation in the refrigerator.

29:13It looked like he had read the text message. I pull up and I'm like, he's not outside, but he read it. And I walked inside the house with bubs and I was like, Hey Harrison, if I text you when I'm pregnant and I say, come outside and help me bring stuff in, can you please come outside and help me bring stuff in? And for him, you could have easily been like, I haven't even seen the text message yet. Like I didn't even know you were home. His hands were like, he had an apron on and he had meat all in his hands. I had gloves on. And instead of saying, explaining that to me, you said, you know what, sweetheart, that makes a lot of sense.

29:46And I'll do better next time. And I didn't know it until the next day because he told me, he was like, hey, by the way, I didn't even see the text message. I'm very confused at the read. I don't know how the read went on. I don't either. But sometimes it just happens. Maybe you clicked it. I don't know. Maybe you had my text stream open already. If my laptop would have been open on the text, would that have potentially been it? Yeah. Yeah, it could have been. Okay. Who knows? But like all that to say. Even up until like this moment, I didn't realize you saw the red receipt on. That's what it was.

30:19That's what did it. And I walked in that house and I was like, what? Oh. Okay. I actually do. And now I understand the reaction more, but I don't think that, I don't want to take away from the story. No, no, no. I'm just saying you do a really good job of saying, you know, that's a bit of an irrational response from me. I think you want I think you coming home and and wanting help outside bringing pubs in and expecting me to do that, I think is a very, very fair and reasonable request. OK, let me I've got about 74 other examples I can give you because I want to defend you on that one. Like if, if now that I think the delineation, if I read it and I didn't reply, I actually think like, no, that, that isn't okay.

31:05I did. I didn't see the text. Like I had grease meat hands. You couldn't have opened it. Like I, I did, I did understand that when I got to, okay, here's another one. So the other day you and the neighbor needed, not needed, wanted to go get gas. Harrison will not fill up my car. It will go on E will both. we will like play chicken with this e but if that caddy gets past halfway full he's like I gotta go get gas loves to drive it so you and the neighbor decide you guys are gonna go get gas they were having like a Sunday these two boys they were cooking together watching football so they're like we're gonna go get gas in the caddy and I'm like go get him so he leaves and I call him about five minutes later because I decided I really want I had a craving for peanuts so I was like hey when are you gonna be home and he's like we're going to get gas and then I'll be home I'm like perfect.

31:52So they go, they get the gas. I call him again. I need an answer because bubs was starting to wake up. So I call you again, like five minutes later and he doesn't answer. What had happened in this time was the boys had looked at each other and they said, Hey, do you think we have 15 minutes to take her first spin? And they're like, yeah, totally. And when you're in this convertible, you actually can't hear your phone ring, nor do you ever really look down at your phone. Like I realize I'm like it's been 15 minutes and he's not home yet so then I convince myself you guys are in a ditch so I call the neighbor wife and I'm like hey have you heard from the boys she's like uh no and I'm like well they've been gone 15 extra minutes and she's like um and she was so sweet she was like pregnancy anxiety and I was like yeah can you just like figure out where they are so she tracks them and she's like okay they're actually almost home and I'm like perfect and he walks in the house and I'm like you cannot not answer the phone it had been 15 minutes like zero of an issue it was not an hour and you were just like you're right I am so sorry that we were gone for 15 extra minutes we just wanted to go for a spin and that is like you know I I just like I've seen we have such a great feel for each other's like traditional day to day that I understand like that isn't how like that interaction would normally go down I don't care if you go to the bar and get lost for four hours I just was like where are you I've noticed like you really care about communication right now and and where I do want to take some responsibility is like you do want to know everything that's going on and when I travel when I was traveling last week like I was so on the ball with proactiveness um my brain goes to these like crazy places and so this week this in chicago i'll never i'll do the same and it was a reminder and the the funny thing about it is had i told you what we were doing so the added part of the story is we actually drove up lamar to the there's a er that we were told is like the er that you should go to um in case something happens there's one that's closer than um saint david's north okay and so we drove up to like understand where it is and understand what the drive-thru is so we're actually like doing something but Harrison family family oriented what world would you ever have to explain to me where you went um you know you go places for three hours i don't know where you are nor do i care but right now i'm like well where is he uh i think can i tell a couple other funny things about the caddy so well yeah we haven't talked about it we're I'm just going to tease.

34:32So the way you fill the gas up in the caddy is through the license plate at the back. Oh, I love that. And there's no kind of... Gauge, so you have to hold it. There's a couple of things. You have to put half of it in so it lets the air out. If you just put the whole thing in, it just shoots back at you. The gas does? The gas does. And you watch it. So that's number one. So filling it up is like a pretty funny looking process. The second is that the gauge, the fuel gauge on the car doesn't work. So we're guessing. So we're guessing. My high school car, the gauge didn't work. And it cost like$900 to fix it.

35:15And I wasn't doing that when I was 17. And so I just would get gas like probably every other day. Yeah. Yeah. We're trying to time how often we need the gas. That's why we went together. And then the last piece is a little news update. On Friday, we are dropping the car off at the speaker place, and they are going to put in Bluetooth and speakers. Bluetooth? So I will be able to hear. So right now it's an eight track, and the speakers are blown, and so there's no real music situation. You've got to tinker to get the eight. It's a 74 Cadillac Eldorado. Music in that thing will be awesome. And so you've got to like tinker around with the FM radio and it's super fuzzy and the speakers are always cutting out.

36:01But we're getting new speakers in and we're getting, we're keeping the A-Track original system. And then we're in a set another part putting in a new little radio where we can do, where we can connect it to Bluetooth and actually do radio. Okay, I'm very excited. And it's a one day job. So we're only losing it for the day. Oh, phew. Yeah. We do not want a hair. My mom doesn't know about the car. Oh, I bet she does. She sees my Insta stories. But I don't think she knows really about the car, so I'm very excited for her to ride in it. Hopefully. She will love it. Yeah. Your mom will love it. So that was why I didn't want it, because we have a lot of work to do on it.