Matt & Abby on internet hate, 2 under 2 & why they stopped showing their kids’ faces online

0:00Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look.

0:44Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. date and it kind of feels like a double date so far this is going well well i i feel like it feels

1:05Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:like it feels like a double date yeah it is i felt more waiter hasn't come by yet it's funny when you we have no one's taking our order okay ready we're gonna start where's the drinks excuse me okay if there was a waitress what would you order uh like an alcoholic drink we're on a double date i never really drink i'd probably get a diet coke yeah we'd love a diet coke oh i'd maybe go for a margarita I do like mojitos and I actually also like virgin mojitos I love virgin mojitos they're so refreshing I would either get a diet coke because you did and if you didn't I would get an Aperol spritz what would you get?

1:36I love Aperol spritz

1:37Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:I love them yeah I would definitely follow the lead of like of the group so if there was no alcohol I'd probably do a non-alcoholic beer I'm very into non-alcoholic beers wait really? but that's what a margarita you like the taste of beer dude I literally don't even like the taste of beer like i've the only time i've ever drank beer was just to be like i guess like the boys are getting a beer so i'll have one but i do not like beer at all so i like it and like the psyche of like what a beer does to a moment has just like it's now ingrained in in me and so like when it feels like a time for beer i like opt for a non-alcohol a lot now and like it it it hits um because when When we had our kid, after that we were drinking a ton.

2:30And then it was probably like eight weeks ago. Is that right?

2:33Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Like more than that probably. Probably three months ago, Alex was just kind of like, you know what? I think we're drinking a little too much. Let's tone it back. Nothing concerning. More than we usually drink though. Yeah. It was very postpartum. I was just like, wait, we're drinking way more than I would ever like to. Yeah, so now I have a cap of not drinking more than two days in a week. But I probably have a non-elk beer three days a week. But I feel like we keep saying we're going to get into it. Okay, ready? We're going to start. Okay. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Two Parents in a Podcast. Our first ever double, we're going to call it double date edition.

3:12Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Love it. Today we are joined by Matt and Abby, who we are so excited about. They are one of the biggest couples on the internet. You guys have a very cute love story. Thank you. And they're content creators. They're podcasters. I think you guys do such a good job of like touching every corner of the internet. I always say. Thank you. There's not, you know, you guys are on every platform and you're on every platform and you do it really well. Thank you so much. And most importantly, they are parents to two little boys who are three and one, but almost three and two. Yes. Because they're 13 months apart.

3:47Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Yes. Griffin and Augie. Yes. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for having us. This is really such an honor. We're honored. We were excited. We were like, we're going to, so we're in Phoenix, you guys. We flew from Austin to here today, and then tonight we're going to Orange County. This comes out Sunday. Do you guys know that? I did not know that. That's our first episode. Let's go. So it's happening in real time. Okay, I'm stoked. That's sweet. As real as it possibly can. Okay, so before this, so I posted that we were coming like three, four weeks ago, and then I got what I call the summer sinus infection.

4:20Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:So we didn't end up coming. But in my DMs, everyone was like, wait, is it Matt and Abby? Is it Matt and Abby? Is that who you're going to see? And the answer is yes. That's who we were coming to see. And then Harrison said right before this, are we having two kids or is there going to be a third? And I was just listening to your last episode. And it seemed, why are you shaking your head? Because I had to work on him for a while, but I feel like I cracked Matt to be open to the idea of three. Yeah. It sounded like you really did. I think I really cracked him. I was like, I, in the midst of the two under two, I was like, I don't know, babe, I think we're done.

4:52And yeah, I mean, I think you cracked into my, my skull there.

4:57Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:She broke through. So the whole thing is, and, and we wanted not, we didn't want to have a boy, but we thought we were having a boy. And then like, we ended up having a girl. I love having a girl. And I know you love being a girl dad. So I was very interested in the method of potentially being able to have a girl that you guys had learned yeah um i i can't speak to it because we've never tried it right but um it's worked for people that i know do you know have you done out of the concept of it well no no i'd love like kind of i know you like pick different ovulation days yes and then like do it yeah it's called it's called the shuttle method i had to like look it up again because i forgot the name yes but the shuttle method it's like actually a thing there was a uh it's not proven by science or research i believe a doctor of some sort like back in the 60s came up with it and his last name was sheddles which is why it's called that um but essentially what you do is you try up until your ovulation day and you stop like i think the day or two before the ovulation day and that apparently is supposed to increase your chances of having a girl because girl's sperm can live longer than boy's sperm so then you're there's to be like a higher concentration of like the girls in there does that make sense yeah interesting yeah weird right i don't know that we care enough to one day have a girl to try that but it'd be an interesting yeah study we know people that it worked like they did it and it worked yeah i know of two people that had had two boys and then they did this method and then had a girl after having two boys i mean that's pretty crazy did you know that existed no definitely did not know that existed and so is the preference for baby three to be a girl or we don't we don't care see for for you like i think when when that time comes i feel like it would be fun for it to be a girl it'd be really fun for it to be a girl but like i don't know why at this point like it would be like freaky also because i feel like if we were to add another boy to our mix i'd be like i can totally see how another boy would mesh into like the flow our family has right now but a girl like that would probably be something to like readjust to more than another boy if that makes sense yeah I think there's some things like pre I think about mindset pre-baby versus mindset post-baby and I feel like pre-baby like I had a like a a lot of fixation on like if it's like life through having a son or life through having a daughter and post-baby it's like it's it's something that like I just like my care towards is so little like if baby two for us is a boy versus baby to a girl like there's you know a incredibly long list of things that like i think more about um but that like wasn't the case beforehand some people have really strong preferences even after having kids and i think that's valid and like i understand that but for me i just don't feel that i guess like i think a girl would be really fun i always tell matt a girl would be a great investment into my future totally because like i'm thinking long-term friendship like Like with a daughter, it's going to be closer than a mom with a son as an adult, I would imagine.

8:08And so I'm like, not like lunch, shopping, nails. That would be kind of fun to do with a daughter down the line. But I mean, at this point, I'm like, I really, whatever is meant to be will be right. That's what I love.

8:20Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:And I just think in general, I think both genders are so much fun. They're just, they're different. Yeah. So it would be like an adjustment, like you're saying, like, because you're so, you guys are like boy parents. Yeah. But then to add a girl to the mix would be – I think my kids have already been chosen for me. So then I'm like, I'm just living out what was already going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. It does – no, it does make sense. I feel the same way. They've been sent for me already. So like I'm just doing whatever happens. Yeah. Whatever's meant to be will be. Okay. So now I have a question about if you have a third baby.

8:50Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Yeah. Would you vlog that one? Vlog. Because where – okay, it's like you vlogged your first two births, right? Okay, yeah. Do you call them vlog? Sure. Yeah, that's what it is. I call it a vlog. Yeah. Okay. to me it was a vlog it's almost like uh it's funny because it's like you're making a like a documentary of your life you know like it's that's what uh like people ask me like matt why do you spend so much time editing which i we now have like help from editors and stuff but even with help like you you film so much and then it's like how do i want to tell this story like how you know so it's uh it's it's cool though it's it's like a it's a fun creative like outlet to have let me say this to you because you were you were busy right i mean you're like birthing a baby yeah when you would like go into the bathroom and like talk like i as we were watching it i was like matt is you were you were so good at it thank you so if you're listening and you're like what are they talking about they vlogged the first two births and i mean they start at home and like you're talking to the camera and then like you go in the car and i just thought pre-kid i don't know i wouldn't i wouldn't have understood post-kid i was like i want to see this i want to see what happens and it is like the most fascinating and you guys did a really good job putting it together but then I read the people article right about how you're like have somebody post your tiktoks for you and so I was wondering with kind of like this new relationship with content if that would change if you would vlog it or not the third birth um we've actually already like kind of started discussed like things that we would do differently because I think that's an important discussion to have if you're like okay we might think about having baby number three like what would we do the same what we do differently yeah and there has been obviously discussion about content for me like i i haven't actually thought about that well what we what you were saying to me a couple weeks ago was hey whenever that time comes around we we can document we can do all that but we should sit we should sit on it not post and really think through like what are we comfortable sharing what do we want to keep to ourselves and not share with the world um because once it's out there it's out there yeah and i thought that was really wise yeah i was like we can record in a moment because here's the thing these are priceless moments whether or not like they are become public or not like that's something i probably want to have down the line um like i think even my parents have pictures and videos of my birth you know before this was ever anything social media you know and so i'm like we'll document it all and then sit on it not post anything for a certain period of time i'm talking like weeks because there's you know that time after you have a baby is just like it's a whirlwind i don't think i make decisions i would have made otherwise like in those times because my brain is just like you're like okay i have a baby to care for i have my hormones are crazy and so yeah that's basically i'm just making a longer story out of matt said but like sit on that longer you know kind of marinate let it rest let everything settle and then decide what we want to make public that's what we would do differently i i really like this this topic or theme of like what you would do differently yeah um and uh so i'd love to kind of like dive a little more into that and and through two lenses like one one of the reasons one of the many reasons why i was excited to to interview y 'all is like this world of of parent and family creators like yeah nine months ago i didn't know that it existed and so i kind of personally tripped and fell into into this world behind Alex and and her content and obviously y 'all have have made a massive mark on uh on this category so I'd love to hear you know things that that you would do differently uh or you're thinking about doing differently from a content perspective with kid number three but also just like as parents what what do you think y 'all would do differently for for kid number three yeah i think i think for me um it really kind of goes along with abby's idea of sitting on content longer sitting on footage longer and just like waiting to evaluate okay what what is the right direction here just because something we have done with our own podcast is like be very vulnerable with the internet with the world and sharing like everything that's going on in our life, including stuff like arguments, disagreements that we've had and talking about those things publicly, especially when you're around, you know, birth, C-section, breastfeeding, postpartum, it's a really hard time, especially for the mom.

13:27And so I think it's like, you don't realize like how if you have public perception added on top of that and something goes south, if someone says something negative about you, whether it's a lot of people or a little or just a few people, it can really like get in your head and it can really like affect you in addition to the stuff that's already going on. And so I think just having wisdom with that and having like discretion of, okay, let's sit on this. Let's have privacy here. I think is probably one of the best things you can do, especially as a creator and like the lifestyle niche. Interesting.

14:02Yeah.

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16:48Like, what are you doing?

16:49Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:God, hydrafacials. Okay. I'm actually doing those like every three weeks. So thank you for saying that. But what I was going to say is like, we're older than you guys in age, right? But you guys know so much more about navigating this space that we're new to. But a parenting space. Yeah. So one thing that we find fascinating is like we put our kids' face online. You guys have taken yours off. Yeah. And that's something that like, one, we really want to talk about. but to like get your perspective on that we're no experts so that's no but neither are we but it's like you've been doing it longer and it's like that's the one that's kind of a polarizing topic that people are always talking about and it's like yeah i would love to know how you guys think about that yeah i mean for us initially we we did have our our firstborns face online because we were just like oh yeah we're gonna continue doing everything we've been doing we've been blogging our life okay like we have a kid now cool we're still blogging our life and then we were thinking like okay you know there's digital footprints here there's you know all these things that we're learning maybe right now while we don't understand all of this we should stop showing kids face and so we did okay and ever since then we haven't shown their faces and it's it's crazy because like we are truly in the wild west you know like someone's gonna f up their people there already have been parents that have f'd up online and like hurt their kids and so we're like learning I'm like oh don't do that good okay don't do that but like we just we don't want to be one of those people that like accidentally like we wanted we want to be best for our kids so I think like for us we're just coming from the standpoint of protection like it might be an overreaction who knows like down the line but it's like I guess we'd rather be safe than sorry I think the other thing too is that like we chose this for for our lives to be public facing um our kids like we kind of want to give them like the autonomy to make that choice for themselves if they want to down the line um but obviously they're not like we talk about them we share them just not their like face we don't want them to be like a central part of our content or to be recognizable individually um but yeah who knows what it'll look like down the line yeah and you could change like at any moment right and i think that's one thing that we always so we were not gonna put her online and that was always our plan and then and there's like like the podcast we never have we have areas and i want to talk to you about relationship areas in a second like in terms of where you boundaries right but one like we have guardrails around her so like there's content that we don't put her in you're never going to see us changing her diaper like you're never going to see us tell a story about her that could embarrass her if she was 10 years old right like people are always on my tiktok saying does she cry and i'm like of course she cries but i'm not filming that moment yeah right because like i'm going to get her um but i always find it fascinating how people think about it and like i like i like the ability to say like yeah there might be a day where we'd say she's not on anymore and then maybe she stays off for three years and maybe she goes back on like i just think being being fluid with it but i was very curious why you did that because i think it makes so much sense yeah we never made like a formal announcement of like we're not sure like it's just because it's really not like i don't we don't view it that seriously but then we view protecting our kids very seriously of course but we also obviously in this category we have so many friends that do the same thing but do it differently and it's never like we want to like put ourselves on some like moral high ground and be like oh we think we're better than this and it's not the case at all i think that there's no right or wrong around things it's just like every parent has to make the decisions for their own kids and this is just where we're at right now making decisions totally you have to follow your gut yeah and my gut was like i was like you know what i feel totally fine posting or will that change one day it could you know and that's why I like it's it's a question that I want to ask a lot of people that we interview because I think like it's something that we should talk about yeah you know like okay why do you do it why do you not do it because just like you said nobody's on like a moral no one's like doing it better than anybody else we're all just doing like what feels right to us yeah and so I think that's um that's fascinating do you want to ask anything about that no I I think it it all makes sense I think you know we yeah as you alluded to, we were very much taking it day by day.

21:00And I feel like that mindset towards like parenting is very much reflected in, in the content where we've loved what the last, you know, nine, 10 months with her has brought. Um, the side of content that is, has been, you know, from on, on us from a family side has been very joyous and brought a lot of positivity into into our lives and so very you know excited to keep that going but like i think as as you also alluded to like this is so fluid and you learn so much and you learn so quickly that like when there is a day that we look at things through a different perspective we have no qualms about um flipping the switch and doing it yeah and differently i also love like no formal announcement

21:47Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:no just like we're taking our kid just like you just sort of because i saw that you were doing like an outfit video and one of your son's like head was in the bottom and like he was and I and it's like I appreciate kind of that not just like abrupt right like no kids hard to like make them disappear like by disappear like they want to be around us all the time but it was funny like very difficult in editing too it is there's so many videos of like our kids like grabbing the camera like wanting to like touch it and play with it or they just like love to look at themselves and like you know using our camera app on our phone it's we have like so many videos and pictures of them just like playing with her phones i've always wondered what that i've always at first i thought she like wanted my phone and i was like oh no like how can she already addiction already yeah and then i'm like no no she only likes it when the camera is facing like yeah it's a mirror and like she loves mirrors and so i think that's like really cute it is one more little nugget i will say but i don't want to dwell on it we've also seen a very ugly negative side of the internet um and i would never ever ever want that target to be on my children i can't imagine a rage that i would feel like if that happened to one of my kids so that's probably why it will never change but that is just yeah you mean the internet will never change uh yeah and like the way i would never want my kids to go the feeling even the way that my mom and my own parents feel about it like with us i'm like i can't imagine if it was like something that like I chose this for myself but I couldn't imagine if I was the one posting my kid and then that happened.

23:19Right. That would. The negativity. For people to say horrible things about your kid. I don't think I could. I would go to jail. I seriously would probably. You know that, Matt.

23:28Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:I'd find somebody. No, but I get it because I have a hard enough time when somebody doesn't like wave back. Yeah, you're like that hurt my feelings just a little bit. Yeah, I'm like what is your problem? Like not what's your problem but like why not wave back let alone like a mean comment? Yeah. Be careful in Arizona on the road. I got flipped off so many. I get flipped off all the time here. Why? Road rage is very high. And apparently has something to do with the heat. I don't know. It makes people angrier. And also just like the driving. Obviously, there's like traffic, but people go really fast.

23:57Anyway, I got flipped off driving home from the studio like a couple weeks ago. Just dangling out the window and holding it for so long because I was only going 10 over the speed limit.

24:06Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Oh, and they wanted you to go faster? Yeah, certainly wanted me to go faster. And we were in the carpool lane. And we were in the HOV. I'm pretty sure this dude was by himself. like why are you in the carpool lane in your truck and he's like went around you and then yeah people treat the car i drive because i get car sick and so i'm like matt this dude's flipping me off i was like he's still flipping me off he's still flipping me off he's still flipping it's crazy yeah so my feelings were hurt and they actually are still hurt like almost a month later so i cannot believe he did it for so long can't imagine my feelings dangling it out there but something about it just hurts it hurts so bad and they want to hurt you and we're letting them and Like I know better than that, but like they, it's like their point is to hurt you.

24:44And I just was like, I just smiled back at those people. Cause I'm like, you're not going to see your victory. Yeah. And I'm not going to speed up. No, I certainly will not. I've gotten two speeding tickets and it will never happen again. That's a good, there you go. And it happens all the time here though. Like someone got shot and killed in a road rage incident like a week ago in Arizona. It happens all the time. Cause the road rage is crazy.

25:04Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:Why is the road rage so bad here? We have no incident. There's like, I actually Googled it. There's several factors, but he is one of them. Which was surprising to me. What were you going to say? Well, we had a road rage incident in Napa the other week. And we got flipped off and I'll never forget. And like this, we got one of those kind of roundabout things and they didn't like the way we cut in and like on the horn, flipping us off, like going crazy. And I said to Alex, like right after him, like, what an extreme reaction. Like, how do they know that like we're not dangerous people? Like you talk about these road rage incidents.

25:36and then the the they cut in front of us and they've just got this like crazy like face tattoo across their face like with like a bunch of like writing i was like well okay well that is i'm very glad that they were doing it to us and we were doing it to them flipping them off because this was definitely a scary scary person like with two if you get two extreme hotheads together like someone's gonna die that ain't us

26:04Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:cause they're so angry and we're not even angry people and I was like how dare them like do that but I could see how it could escalate I could totally see it yeah you just get somebody 20 % more angry than we are and it's like that's enough to just just really piss you off it's scary um okay I want to talk I want to talk about the internet hate can we do that sure sure yeah we love this topic it triggers me do you actually like it or do you not like it no we do not but that's fine we can talk about it for you do you want to talk about it yeah and and um why do you hate the topic uh it just starts to make my stomach okay let's try to not like because that but why does it make your stomach because you get you get sad thinking about it angry thinking about it or all the above or just like all the above but my first reaction is just like dread i don't know how to explain it it's just a dread it's just it's it's unfortunate that it's a reality that um comes with this job is okay so so i read your people article about how you deleted this you guys have you have really good social media boundaries also how you would be scrolling and you would see somebody make a video about you yeah talking about you weighing it and then they don't know you right because they obviously have it's not you're one of your friends that's posting that i can say at the confidence I've never watched one of those videos but when it would like come up it's like a panic feeling totally and you don't watch it good or bad you just it's like I can't watch you just keep scrolling right yeah and so I really think it's cool and you said it made you a better mom you were like oh yeah taking removing this and adding the boundary and having somebody else post your videos um and then you don't read the comments you don't go back and comment back is that right I don't read the comments on tiktok I read the comments on instagram okay okay I just think it's really cool that you did that thank you like I think it's really cool that you were like this isn't serving me so I'm going to do something different yeah even though it's like my job which you definitely covered in the article you were like it's not lost on me the TikTok is a very important part of my job but also I still make the content and then you draw the boundary around it yeah and I wanted to say I think that's really cool that you do that thank you because you shouldn't have to subject yourself right to like hate if it's on there um yeah even I mean because I think I think what's cool about content creators is like you put out right but you don't have to receive what comes back from that yeah let me just say this what annoys me is like the reason that we have gotten hate is really because of me and then for people to try to bring abby into it is literally just them being so clout hungry that they know that it's not going to get as many views to say oh matt howard because like that's not that brand isn't really recognizable but like matt and abby is recognizable right your name is so to like loop abby into it is just all for money and views and they just, it's so, it's just so nasty.

28:48Okay. You know, so that's what bothers me that people would like bring her into it just because they literally don't view us as human beings. You know?

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30:07Two Parents & A Podcast Hosts:New customers get 15 % off your first order when you go to MagneticMe.com. Don't wait. order today at magneticme.com would you rather it be and so would you rather it the hate just come to you if it's about something you said oh of course okay of course as opposed to a couple I'd rather it just come to me like it's one of those we love each other so much so like someone saying horrible things about the person that you love the most in the world it's like you might as well just like it's like I'd rather you just say it to me because it's like that is just I don't know it's a feeling that it's like I never had a face until we were public facing like this you oh you never had to face it's like a protective feeling and it's also just like a oh my gosh like you don't know this person because if you did you wouldn't be saying these things yeah yeah it's just it's so um being misunderstood is a frustrating feeling but also i've kind of given up the sense like no one not everyone's meant to like fully understand me that's totally fine um or understand us or our dynamic or our family but then sitting in that like okay they're gonna not understand and then just actually sitting in that it's still a frustrating place to be um it gets easier but then there's things that come up that reignite those like big feelings about it so i i think what's really confusing about it from our very short or my personal very short life on the internet um is like the intent is so good right like you we're sitting here, we're, we're family creators.

31:38We want to go online. We want to share the love of our partners. We want to share the love of our children. We want to share like the highs, the, the, like the good experiences, but we also want to share the honest experiences. Right. And when those things get like taken out of, uh, when those things get taken out of context or just like not interpreted in the way you meant, especially like when we put out the hundreds of hours of content that you do like you sometimes the way you say it isn't necessarily the way you even wanted it to land yeah and so you know for these people that like that don't know you to then go and like really lean into it and misrepresent either what you said or how you feel like it's just it's my take on it has been like it's confusing in the guise of like continuing to learn.

32:31Yeah. What, is there anything that you wish you didn't share or wish you didn't say or things that you think we should personally look out for? Because like you very much, we want to share the real moments of our lives. Yeah. I love her more than I knew was possible. And we've so many amazing, joyous moments. And I want to share those moments. But I also don't want to reflect to the world that like there isn't any conflict in our relationship and we don't have bad days. And I think there's a lot of beauty in sharing how we navigate through those those tougher times. So, yeah, I'm just like curious, I guess, to be more specific with with the question of like, is there anything that you wish you didn't put online or that we should, you know, like a landmine to avoid?

33:26Yeah. Thank you. yeah that's a great question see i i i feel so conflicted with this one because i uh like on a recent podcast we're on our friends podcast ginger and jeremy um they had us on and i was talking about how you know i regretted talking about our our fight that we had we had like a disagreement in the hospital when abby was postpartum and it was just like really stressful because she was trying to breastfeed and i was like a rage monster postpartum like my second day postpartum for me i a monster takes over me and and a rumor started from that about like oh matt ignored abby postpartum for two whole days like this i see this comment all the time it pisses me off so much it's like matt ignored abby for two whole days and it's just like that's not even remotely like it's like i don't even know how that even became a thing you might not believe me but shopping and planning

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