Power dynamics in relationships, weaning from breastfeeding & parenting near family

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1:21And TikTok corrected me. Air Canada's not on strike. Air Canada's flight attendants are on strike. And so our flight was canceled. Now, we were going to move our flight anyways, but then everyone was like, wait a second, don't cancel yet because it's going to get, it'll get canceled anyways. And it did. It got canceled. So we're still here. We're just like having a great time. So we were like, why would we leave? Yeah, it's been a blast. It's been a lot of fun. It's been like by far my favorite trip to Vancouver yet. But I also think that's directly correlated to me feeling good. like when I first came here, I was like newly, newly, newly pregnant.

2:03And I think my first, like I felt great the first seven weeks of pregnancy. Week eight is like when my first trimester nausea hit and then it never lifted. Right. So like I had it all the way up until I gave birth. But whenever we went to Whistler, which was obviously in the altitude, I looked at Harrison and I was like, I, I feel so sick. And then I just felt sick indefinitely from then on. so then whenever we came back to Vancouver and I was like pregnant I didn't feel good and then postpartum like I was freshly postpartum like felt okay but this time like we have been a the weather's been great but b like we have just been having we've been doing so much stuff we've just been having the best time I'm glad you're enjoying it because obviously I love the city and And it's where I'm from and home.

2:51And I see great joy in you getting the experience out of it that I had growing up. It's crazy. I've been kind of looking at my phone here. Because I've been trying to get an update on the Air Canada strike. Okay. The flight attendants are striking, not the airline. The flight attendant strike. Went to VancouverSun.com. There's zero reference. I'm going to send the screenshots to Jules. There's zero reference of it on VancouverSun.com. Why is it? So wait, what is the top thing on there? So the - What are they covering? The top news story on VancouverSun.com is Vancouver appoints Alberta lawyer to look into complaint about change of city manager.

3:34To look into. To look into a complaint. Just to browse in. Yeah. Do you think there's some - So while we are very pro-Canada, pro-Vancouver, what is happening with our media here? Do you think they're suppressing the strike? Well, then what gets even so weird, it appears the strike is over. How does it appear the strike is over? Well, I did a Google as the researcher I am, and Air Canada strike ends after a tentative deal reached with flight attendants. They reached a deal? It appears so. Oh, that's great. Yeah, a tentative deal, 10 strike. well here's the thing all the flights are like so full now and then like there's a direct one on friday we'll see but we're lucky like we weren't in a rush to go home but what if you were going to a wedding yeah well we're talking to a friend who's trying to fly out to a wedding today yeah it's a lot yeah but i looked into why they were striking and i really understand it Well, it's the same thing, though, that the United Flight Attendant told us.

4:45Yes, it's the concept of ground pay. Yeah. Do you remember what ground pay is? They don't pay you when you're on the ground. They only pay you when the wheels take off. So if you're sitting on the ground for five hours, you're not getting paid. When the doors close. So when the doors close and they depart from the gate, that's when they start getting paid. That's when flight attendants start getting paid. That's when flight attendants start getting paid. Correct. Correct. which is crazy because they are working before that. It's wild. Like it's crazy. Like they are not only there, but it's not like they're like there and like snoozing.

5:22They're there and like they are assisting people getting on the plane. They also like, I feel like they're like always doing all these checks as you're on there. like it this feels like uh very very fair ask well number one i don't understand why they're not salaried based on an average of hours like at least give them a salary but pay them above the amount of hours you think they would be flying to account for hours where they're just sitting on the ground but here's the thing in no world like let's take it from a parent's perspective okay so you've got kids so like hey tammy get to the airport at eight so tammy's at the airport at eight because she thinks her flight takes off at nine well her flight doesn't end up taking off until 5 p.m but she's she's at the airport like they can't leave that's still their job yeah they're they're on the clock they're on the clock they literally but to me it's crazy when were on the plane.

6:27Yeah. And they're not getting paid. I would have assumed that if a flight like took off at 8 and landed at 11 that their payment would start like, so we're told to get to the airport two hours before a flight starts. That's like what the airline general policy is around that time. I would have thought that their pay would have started two hours before the flight starts. So like if the flight takes off at 8, they start there at 6 because they start getting paid at 6 because like that's when we're told to be at the airport. So we're pro flight attendant podcast. I would have thought they were salary.

7:16I just in no world would I have ever thought that a flight attendant was hourly. And then what do you think they get paid an hour? We should know this, but. Really? Yeah. And then. It's, it's, it is, it also is less than one would think. It can be so hard to quiet your mind at night from your to-do list to tomorrow's early alarm, to thinking about your schedule, to thinking about what you're going to pack your kids for lunch the next day and so on and so forth. But bowl and branches sheets can help you truly unwind with the softness so extraordinary your whole body relaxes into sleep. You guys, I always say, if you're going to spend money, spend it on your bed in your bedroom because sleep is the number one most important thing.

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8:34Get 15 % off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at BollandBranch.com slash Alex. That's B-O-L-L-A-N-D-B-R-A-N-C-H BowlandBranch.com slash Alex B-O-L-L-A-N-D-Branch.com slash Alex to save 15 % off and unlock free shipping exclusions apply. Okay, the next thing I would like to discuss is how well we've been sleeping. Because everyone says when you have a kid, move near family. We love Maria with our whole heart. And she is a part of our family, okay? and Winnie and Tate, like we, we, Maria is irreplaceable, priceless, all these things. But to have like your mom and your dad and your sister and your brother-in-law and your aunts, like all of your aunts, like we have this whole village here that are all just like, can we just pick her up and take her swimming?

9:29And it's like, yeah, you sure can. Like it has been wonderful. But the number one thing is your mom's getting up with her every morning. Like it has been so lovely. Yeah, my mom taking the morning shift and dad has been wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. But I think the other thing that's been so amazing is like it feels like obviously in Austin, we're in a very fortunate position with the help we have. But the help we have is very planned help. Yeah. We know we have help from our X to our Y. And if we don't, then we need to formally book something. And here, just like the casualness and consistency of support.

10:17It's unbelievable. What's amazing. And obviously my mom and dad handling the mornings, and not even handling, just wanting to take the mornings and wake her up and give her first bottle has been amazing. But even on Sunday on the way back from Whistler, where it's like packing up the house, normally that's such a hectic process. And Louise just the night before texting me like, hey, do you want Paul and I to come over tomorrow and we'll cook breakfast and hang with Tate while you guys pack and clean up the house? and so like we have this you know big fun family breakfast no it was so nice i don't even i think you kind of like glazed over with the way that like actually went down his aunt louise texted him and was like okay so so sunday morning we were gonna pack up our bags like sort of like shut down y 'all's house in whistler make breakfast and then leave and his aunt was like hey we'll come watch tate while you guys pack we'll also make breakfast and then they like took out the trash like she cleaned down the kitchen it was unbelievable i was like oh my gosh and they just did it out of the kindness of their heart yeah but what it is just wanting to hang out and yeah just wanting to hang out just like it's just it's great it's the difference between transactional help and family help with your parents watching her it's mutually beneficial like as much as we love tape being with your parents and it gives us an hour break right your parents like it fills up it fills up their heart and like they have so much joy from it too and the number one area where I noticed it is I have phantom cries in my head so when we're at home and Tate's sleeping in her room next door I can hear her in the middle of the night crying but if she sleeps the night I still hear her that's the phantom cry but your parents have taken overnight duty and so the phantom cries it's the first time since she's been born where like they fully left and I've been able to like going to deep rim sleep and it's been unbelievable like one thing i didn't notice was how much no sleep was affecting me yeah i do think that that is like part of our excitement in in staying here is like the days yeah like the days have been so fun obviously because like the city's great but we're the best rested we've ever been since her coming as a unit because it always feels like the sleep will come at one of our like it's very rare that both of us are operating on a full tank of sleep so thank you mom and dad and thank you all of our family members yeah karen for taking a swimming louise my sister nider and more it's but you're right it's as a unit we're full because what we used to do at home is like i would sleep for like a week or two and then you would sleep for a week or two.

13:15But now it's the first time collectively we've been sleeping well. So that kind of brings me to my next point that I would like to discuss, which is weaning off pumping. Because I was talking to one of my friends the other day, Macy, and Macy was saying how she never felt fully back to her pre-partum self until she weaned off pumping and breastfeeding. and I thought I feel better this month than any of the prior months right but now I'm weaning off breastfeeding and so I'm wondering how I'm going to feel after that I mean granted there's going to be the crash in the middle and like that that part could suck or I could play I could you know go right through and be fine but I'm wondering once I wean off like will I be back to my pre-partum self is that even the goal do because maybe I'll never be the same and that's okay too because I love this new version of me because it gave us bubber.

14:11So it's something I'm really thinking about. And so how do you feel today versus pre-partum? And pre-partum, pre-pregnancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm sorry. When I say pre-partum, I do mean pre-pregnancy. Do you know what it is? It's very interesting because I think back to her right before I was pregnant. it's so funny like i buffer is like our life like my heart is so much more full now so when i even try to compare the two like i'm trying to take her out of it and they feel incomparable pre-baby post-baby because now like we're responsible for this little thing and like she brings us so much joy and like i can't believe like the birth process right so if i if i remove all of that and i ask i probably feel 70 the same maybe and the 30 is is like a bit mental i think and what do you mean like i'll still have okay so I have anxiety around like Bubber right And that occupies like a good amount of my Head of like what if something happens to her or What do I need to do for her and So there's that I think a lot Of moms will understand that anxiety There's also this little Part of me that used To well it's the mental Load that we talked about with Dr.

15:46Cutlip That mental load for Me now is so much bigger that I feel like I don't have room space to think about other things. Yeah, well, you're doing such an amazing job, first and foremost. I'm proud of you every day. And this step up in responsibility is so big. And to also take that step up in responsibility while handling the postpartum changes from birth to breastfeeding. I just have such a great appreciation for you. Yeah. The breastfeeding component, what I'm doing right now, you guys, is I was pumping four times a day and I'm going down to three because Tate's going to be one in less than a month.

16:45and so I want to be done pumping by the time she is one. So I'm going from four to three this week and like next week I'll go three to two, two to one, okay? And there can be a massive hormone crash whenever you stop your milk supply. A lot of people say it can feel like postpartum depression. Like we'll see. So far I'm fine. It's been two days. But I am looking out for that. However, on the other side of it, I am very curious to how I'll feel. Guys, let's talk about Bilt. If you're paying rent every month without earning anything in return, let me introduce you to Built, the rewards program designed for renters who want to earn something for their largest monthly expense.

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18:00That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash two parents. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Tate can now say da-da. How cute has that been? Every morning she comes in. Harrison's mom takes her on a walk in the morning. Then she brings her in and she goes, da-da. She's living a good life. Is it melting your heart? She's living a good life. How do you feel when she says da-da? It's great. She's in great spirits these days. But how does it feel when she says da-da? It's great. Is it so cute? I like it more when she says mama. No, but it has, like when she says mama, I'm over the moon. How do you feel when she says da-da?

18:38I like it more when she says your name. That's funny. I like it more when she says yours. It's so funny. That is also cuter. That that because she's trying so hard to say it with her tongue. That that when she reaches for you in my pouch, which she has never done until very recently. It is. I love it. It's the cutest thing. And then I just hold her. OK, so last night we went out to dinner and that reminded me that Harrison did a Vancouver list where he did his best restaurant his best hike his best his best of vancouver yeah and there's this account here it's called curiosity vancouver is that their name which misquoted my quotes is your quote my rex is your rex yeah it said it talked about our podcast and it said i'm sorry salute okay it talked about our podcast and it said um it put the favorites out there I now want to do mine.

19:31Okay. I want to do my real list because that list, Curiosity Vancouver, was Harrison's list. So now I got to do my list. So for activity, I think you were right. It's doing the boat. I think it's the best. I also think walking the seawall, oh my gosh, no, sorry. It's taking the Aquabus, aka the water taxi, anywhere. That's the best thing you can do. I agree. It is so much fun. it's unbelievable that that's it's so casual you just can just hop on yeah we took the Aquabus how about this for a date night we took the Aquabus to go see F1 so much fun best movie I've seen in the past five years no question not close I would go see it again okay restaurant so we went to this place called Osterio Elio Volpe is that right okay yeah loved that do you know where else I loved loved it I loved it it's your mom's favorite I'll go as far as saying I do not remember the last time I had pizza That good It may be my favorite pizza ever Really?

20:35Yeah And that includes like

20:40Like I want to go back And try that pizza Just the way I would like Go to Sally's in New Haven That's what I was thinking of And like It was stunningly good pizza Okay maybe we'll go back before we leave Yeah Other restaurant I loved was Blue Water Blue Water is a classic It was really really good It is a classic I thought that what you were going to say Was Wild Blue and Whistler Oh well that Wow We just didn't go there this trip So that's tough Wild Blue and Whistler is I said at the time when we went One of my favorite restaurants I've been to in the world yeah Wild Blue is amazing it's a really really good one although I do think I need to completely backtrack on the Sally's comp but we'll see Sally's now a chain which kind of ruins it a little bit but we'll see Sally's is Harrison's favorite pizza in New Haven Connecticut yeah best bar batch it's on the water outdoor like they serve you rosé in a plastic cup it's awesome new my first time there was with you Great call.

21:54Love it. And then the workout, I'm doing Legree. Because I didn't do, we didn't do any other hikes besides the, we didn't even hike it. We didn't do a hike. Yes. Is it called Legree? I don't know. I haven't done it. Obviously you did that with my sister. But is the workout itself called Legree? It's like a mega reformer. Oh, thank you, Jules. But is that the studio name? No, that's the type of exercise type of exercise. Legree. I did that for the first time. But it's actually called Legree West. They have Legree West kits. Legree West, Yale Town. I think you went to Legree West kits. So that's like saying Pilates West.

22:34Like that's the name of it. So that works. Yeah. It's like a mega reformer. It was awesome. So that was really, really, really fun. And that's my updated list. So I'm going to sort of give us a U-turn here. Okay. Love a U-turn. Away from Vancouver. Although I saw one of the craziest videos ever, but it's actually a little dark on U-turn. Tell us about it. Tell us about it. No, it's too sad. You can't do that. You can't bring something up and then not tell the class. It was a guy doing a U-turn in a truck. Don't tell us. Thank you. It was sad. Here's what I will say. It unfortunately created a bad accident.

23:14They had a video camera in the truck.

23:21they showed him looking over his corner and seeing the accident he caused

23:28his reaction to it was actually no we're not doing this did he well did he did he cry or was he or did he just keep going it was so nonchalant

23:42oh wow yeah it almost yeah it almost looked annoyed oh wow yeah okay that's really too bad yeah it's a bit of a downer well i mean the accident was a bad accident and okay things we have to look forward to from here so okay we're going to talk about power dynamics in a relationship because this is a new game that harrison and i love to play but then we're going to go into bigger of the week things we dm'd each other and product of the week we have a product of the week and then a brain break so we were at dinner with some of Harrison's friends and they were talking about how they often discuss, it's a group of friends, and they're often discussing power dynamic points in a relationship.

24:24So, for example, there's 100 points in a relationship. It can be a working relationship. It can be a romantic relationship. It can be any relationship. And how are the power points allocated? For example, you and I, let's do you and I. How do you think our power points are allocated? So, to add some additional color. Yeah, please. I think so the way it was being discussed is each couple has 100 PowerPoints and those PowerPoints are then allocated between them. So I think in an ideal situation, the PowerPoints would be allocated 50-50. now there's always going to be ebbs and flows to it and so sometimes it'll trend 60 40 and 40 60 and so on and so forth but the general target for any relationship would be for any like balanced relationship would be 50 50 and if it gets lopsided if it's 90 10 for example you could be like well one person just steamrolls the other person in the relationship or oh he can't go she won't let him exactly you hear a lot of that and so i think it's something that what i thought was fascinating about it was i think a lot of couples okay let me just say this like when we go on a double date for the first time with somebody right and we're doing a lot of that in austin because a we've been in austin a year b we're new parents like the the way we're looking for friends is very different right like we're going to lots of dinners and things like that and i think a natural thing afterwards is to say like okay like how was that you know you talked to him a lot i talked to her a lot or did we do a lot of round table conversation or was it two on two and then like you obviously do a debriefing okay it's human nature you do a debriefing afterwards a really fascinating way to do that is to say what do you think we think the power points are yeah the points of power you may have heard of hello fresh they send chef crafted recipes and fresh ingredients to your home But this summer, they made their biggest menu upgrade yet.

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27:15Go to HelloFresh.com slash 2Parents10FM now to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. That's HelloFresh.com slash 2Parents10FM. the number one zero FM one box with active subscription free meals applied as discount on first box new subscribers only varies by plan that's hellofresh.com slash two parents 10 FM to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life so to answer your question I think that we're a 50 50 type couple that then flows in that 60 40 range depending on what the situation is I think inherently we're attracted to couples that have that kind of same ratio. That's the most fascinating part here.

28:10Good job. Way to go a layer deeper. So I do think you and I are 50-50. If not, we swing 60-40. And I like that we swing 60-40. For example, when it comes to finances, I'm not very good at them. I would say we go 70-30 there where I came to you and I said, hey, can you just like help me? Right? So that's where you take on a lot more. Right? Yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah, you're our chief of finance. But then I'll go 70. Right now I'm 70-30 on probably social. Right? Like picking what we're going to do socially. Like for some reason I'm just doing more of like our social planning. And so I think that there's areas like that where it can skew.

28:54but I think net net we go 50 50 and I love that about us but I do also think this I think there are people who say I want to be 10 I want him to be 90 I want her to be 90 and that makes them perfect for each other like I want a 50 50 partner you want a 50 50 partner that makes us a good match some people say no I don't want to carry the heavy lift I don't want to do it and that's great I totally agree. I totally agree. I think the question is, then, what are the couples that we spend most time with? So I love that you said this because I hadn't even thought about it. But you're right. We are attracted to, it's almost like we're dating for couples.

29:38But we find most synergy with couples that also have some version of a 50-50 dynamic. Yeah. Or they swing in the 60-40. It's very true. And that to me, they both got something going on. They both have areas where they're the leader in it. Yeah. Because I think it says a lot about both of them. And so when we're sitting around a dinner table with them, I like a 50-50 dynamic. I think this is... Sorry to catch up. Well, it also lends itself to very involved dads. Because I think if you rewinded like 50, 60 years ago, maybe some of the lopsidedness would have been like... And you see it all the time now.

30:20People are saying like dads are more involved. Like cool today is like dads knowing when the feeding time is, right? Yeah. And so I think a big 50-50 that we see too is like a lot of these dads. You guys, like I'm thinking of our friend group in Austin. I could easily imagine all you dads taking the babies. Well, we do. Yeah, all the time. Like it's so easy to imagine that. You guys have more girls dinners than we do guys dinners. Totally. Why don't we do it? To the point it was brought up at the last Friday barbecue on like, hey, when are we going to do our girls are doing their, you know, these Tuesday nighters.

31:02Love it. We need to do it. You guys need to do it. Yeah. The conversations have been around now. Football season is coming back. I was just about to say it's now. I think with guys like, you know, there's, I'm good with whatever, but. Are you going to invite, why don't you go first? Okay, I know we're all thinking, we're thinking of the same people. The group text is going off right now. Why don't you invite all the dads to watch a football game? Do it, have a little dad hang out. Why not? When, you know, when we finish the work in the basement, which unfortunately was supposed to start today.

31:39What work? Oh, on your building out your media set? Yeah, and we had to delay. Because should we talk to Air Canada about us having to delay? Well, Air Canada's apparently not back at it. But that doesn't mean all the flights aren't completely full. Tell them, say, hey, I was going to build a whole armoire situation. Have you heard the term armoire? Yeah. You have? Yeah, well, I tried to buy it. Tried to buy what? I would like to have bought our entertainment center instead of build it, but they just didn't have one with the dimensions we were looking for. No, it's a low ceiling wide. It's a tough.

32:14It's so wide. It's just like you could have probably bought something. It just wouldn't look nearly as good as if you built it. Yeah. Long term. Like you're going to have your dad hangouts. How long do you think that'll take? That's like a two week project. Okay, we'll start it when we're back. And then you can definitely have the boys over. Ooh, that'll be fun. Great. Okay, let's get into our other. Do you have anything else you want to add about the PowerPoint? points? No, I mean, we do have, have, yeah, I don't know. I, I, I find conversations like this interesting. And, um, Oh, can I say something?