Q&A: Friendships after having kids, postpartum arguments & career planning as a working mom

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0:37Jules:Offer valid July 16th, 2026 through August 2nd, 2026. Exclusions apply for licenses. See Home Depot dot com slash license numbers. OK, ready? Sure. OK. Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast. Today, it's one parent and Jules. and one i have to start with yesterday i was just looking at videos of like child for child free things just to get some inspiration for some of the questions that people were asking good or some inspiration on response and did you know that like there's a a a movement of like child free versus childless those are two different things no i did not explain them to me a child free person is like a person that doesn't have children by choice and won't have children and then childless is like they just don't have kids yet they want kids they maybe want kids but they just don't have kids yet i don't know but i'm i'm now it's like my biggest thing of like why are we labeling people this way well so child free just so i understand child free is like loud and proud and chosen yes and is not going to have them and basically like no further questions please i'm child free yeah okay and then but i don't know what i am child free or childless you can call me either oh yeah well what would you prefer neither neither okay honestly dog mom you know anything but that anything but that um you okay you well yeah just i wouldn't even put it in a box i would just be like i have a kid and you don't there how about that i'm just existing in this world yeah okay so that's because i do see the guys of so what jules and i are going to do on this episode.

2:16Jules:And since you're listening, please like, and subscribe and send it to a friend that is child free, childless or with child or anything. Um, but we're going to go through there. So there's questions. So, you know, from the audience, right, there's friendship questions, there's motherhood questions, there's relationship questions, and there's career questions. And so we're going to go through them all. And one thing that I think is cool about the friendship question is we can do it for both sides. Yeah. Jules can answer from her side and I can answer from my side. And you might be wondering, where's Harrison?

2:52Jules:I guess we should talk about that. He is in the great state of Minnesota for a meeting with Target. A couple meetings, actually. So he's out on flock business today. And I got to say, I've been eating a lot of the sticks. The chicken sticks. The flock chicken sticks. phenomenal they're good they're i'm not just saying this i think they are far superior to all the other sticks on the market and i'm getting a nod of agreement from p yeah and p's like the true she's tested all of the chicken sticks okay and she is my favorite flock is her favorite okay that's and that's unbiased i'm telling you you guys can also go taste test them and you'll you'll have the same results that we do um i gotta say too for the parents listening proud mom moment i mean he didn't know he did it but rocky did sleep eight hours oh wow that's unbelievable like i'm shocked so maybe it was like post-travel i don't know yeah um he wore jeans on the airplane which i saw that i mean hannah chody i'm my favorite character on the podcast she's like a man after my own heart like she likes to wear jeans on an airplane i will never like literally never no why was rocky wearing jeans on the airplane then just his first pair of jeans oh you know Are they like jeans?

4:10Jules:Yeah, they're from Old Navy. They're real life denim. He looked so cute. He did. Jules, what do you wear on an airplane? What I'm wearing right now. Is this Elwood? Sweats. Yeah, sweats. Sweatshirt. And always my jean jacket. Because I love to have a jean jacket with me. Oh. But I don't like, it takes up so much room in a suitcase. So like at the airport, I'll always be in a jean jacket. Can't pack it. Yeah. And you're wearing shorts though. Would you wear shorts on an airplane? These are long shorts. So you would wear them? Yeah. As long as my thigh wasn't touching the seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

4:39Jules:Agreed with that. Okay, fair. I just get too cold on planes, so I'm traveling. Even if it's really hot outside, I'm wearing, I don't know. I wore leggings to DC. Didn't love that. Would have rather wore sweatpants. But, like, I am. Morgan Stewart's also a formal traveler. Yeah, well, they used to wear, like, suits on a plane. Oh, yeah, it used to be an occasion to dress up for. Not for me. Me either. Okay, anything about DC? DC was a blast. So many tours. So many fun tours. Like really saw some cool stuff. My one takeaway that I would like to report to you, because we could save this for Wednesday, but I don't know that I'll remember.

5:16Jules:Everyone. So the Library of Congress. Okay. Has a copy. So, okay. So back in the day, they had the library started and half of it burned down and it was Lincoln's library collection. So they lost two thirds of the collection. Okay. So like, how are we going to rebuild this? So what they started doing was everyone who published a book in the United States had to mail two copies to them and they started rebuilding the collection. Well, then fast forward to now, they still make anybody that publishes a book send one copy. Guess how many copies of books they get a day? I couldn't even guess, but like there's just so many books these days.

5:55Jules:11 ,000. A day. 11 ,000 books a day. That's crazy. So what they've done, they've expanded so, so, so far that they now have like warehouses out at some Air Force base that are just like massive Amazon, Amazon sized warehouses. They're just books. You know how just like anyone can publish a book on Amazon these days? Just that they get a copy of that. Oh, that's crazy. Anyone. Cookbooks, you name it. Oh. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. I didn't know that. Did you go to D.C. in eighth grade? Was that a thing? Did Oklahoma do that? Okay. So I think our offer was the fifth grade. oh but 9-11 happened when I was in fourth grade no third 2001 no oh yeah I forget you're what three years older than me yeah yeah so I want to say our trip was canceled because when we were there I was like did anybody come on the trip and Nugget was like no and I was like me either but I remember it was offered so I don't know I didn't go on it though did you no no and it's like a we we instead of going to dc they took us to columbus which is the capital of ohio okay so like a little road trip yeah and i didn't get to go because my brother was graduating high school that day but it's like every other school in the area went to dc in the eighth grade and like i just missed out i think ours was fifth grade it wasn't eighth grade that's young well eighth is like old eighth is very um lizzie mcguire going on where where was that trip she went to italy yeah that's young to go to italy but like very like they can sneak out yeah no well that's why that's why we didn't go is because there was a kid at another school um who he scaled the it's not funny like he got he got very injured but he scaled the hit from his room to a girl's room got injured and that was at another like school that was five minutes away from my school and And then my school just said, no one's going.

7:56We're not dealing with the liability of kids being dumb.

8:00Jules:Yeah, I don't blame. Now, speaking of kids, this is a little different. But Bubber went to, when we were in D.C., she went to the Children's Museum like four times a day. Like you get a stamp and you can go in and out as many times as you want. And I'm telling you, this place is amazing. But she got this. So there was these things you can step on. They sort of like fan like and you put a piece of tissue above it and it flies up. OK. So she was doing that. And then this older boy came over and he was doing it. He was bouncing back and forth and she was bouncing way slower back and forth. Right.

8:33Jules:And he pushed her and she looked back at Harrison and he said, you stay there. And then I don't know. I don't know if it was an accident or not, but Bubber's foot then landed on top of his foot. Harrison was like, where's this kid's dad? Like he like pushed, you know, he was a lot older. and um Harrison found the dad and he was just had his head in his phone for 15 minutes and did he say something no one never looked up so Harrison Harrison no Harrison didn't say anything he just said take get in there stay in there she did funny she she held her own I I dealt with not similar at all situation but a situation this weekend that I wanted to bring to the podcast which was um I saw someone that I knew out with their kid um and I had Ginny with me and the kid asked like oh can I pet your dog that's no problem I'm always gonna like hold Jenny and just let them pet her but he was getting like really close to her face and and which is fine for Jenny but it's not fine for a lot of dogs you can't just get up in their business or they might bite and so like I said something to the I said something to the kid just like nicely then I was thinking I don't know if it was my job to do that so what'd you say i just said you have to be careful when you put your um when you put your face so close to a dog because they you're much bigger than them and that could scare them and then they could bite but i tried i didn't want to scare them but i i said they could go like this jules very good job yeah alex told my friend alex told me i did a good job as well that's really um okay well i don't know i never know whose job is what all i know is you said that nicely and for the betterment of the kid like maybe his parents didn't know that yeah well I learned I actually learned it from I was at the airport once and this kid was putting my dog and the the dad was letting her pet it and the mom was like no that dog could bite you like don't stop touching it don't let the two-year-old touch the dog um so I tried and be like I don't know I try to be helpful but I'm also like it's not my job to parent your child well one time when we were in vancouver there was a dog off of the leash and we walked around towards the park and the owner immediately said do you want me to get my dog on the leash we were like no we're not here for very long he's like okay i'm very happy to and we walked off i said to harrison that's a guy that understands kid and dog dynamics and not everyone does right and i don't think it falls on the dog owner i don't i don't i'm gonna tread lightly but i don't think it's the dog owner's job to understand how it can affect the kid because like the kid's not going to bite the dog right so it's on the parents to be like okay you got to be don't get too close to their face xyz so i think it's cool it's like an additive that you as the dog owner understand that yeah but i do think the parent needs to be aware yeah like i get i get nervous even if somebody says he won't bite i'm like it doesn't matter what if they do this one time right i agree so it scares me so good job jules okay thank you way to go and to demonstrate that the biting yeah the teeth i try not to be scary because I thought that I did think I don't want to traumatize this kid and tell him that dogs can bite him but hopefully it was light enough yeah no I think that sounds like it was also I have a question for people listening has anybody ever had somebody like Tate is 22 months I've been saying she's 20 and everyone's like she's 22 and I'm like when did that happen um can they grind their teeth at that age because I was carrying her the other day really close to my head and I was like are you grinding your teeth and it would be very impossible for me to explain to her not to do that but it sounded like she was it's very common for two-year-olds to grind their teeth no way it's a condition known as bruxism about two to three out of ten young children do this typically while sleeping it is usually just a temporary phase and rarely causes lasting damage to the baby's teeth well if you think about like what the teeth are gonna fall out anyways right really matter but i was like that's not that couldn't be comfy i don't know i guess she likes doing it yeah the grinding could be a subconscious way to test out how their teeth fit together it could cause be caused from stress or changes or discomfort when to see a dentist if you see that teeth are chipping or visibly worn down or flattened.

12:55Jules:Oh, okay. We don't see any of that. So I guess it's fine. She's starting to get all her teeth in. Our new thing to get her to smile is show me your teeth. And then it's really cute. As a new parent, it's hard to eat healthy when life gets busy. And you guys know, I feel way better when I eat high protein and hungry root has been building my orders around that. With over 1 ,000 grocery items like salad kits, smoothies, and snacks, the variety never gets old. There's always something new to try. My eating is more consistent than it used to be, and I don't have to overhaul anything to get there. You guys, saving the time you'd normally spend grocery shopping with a service that actually learns your family's preferences is such a game changer.

13:36Jules:I seriously love Hungry Root, and I know you're going to love Hungry Root as much as we do. For a limited time, you can get 40 % off your first order plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash two parents and use code two parents. That's hungryroot.com slash two parents code two parents to get 40 % off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. I had one more thing to say and I've, it's now escaped me. Oh, so I did watch, I see on here, P, will you give me a water? Sorry, I'm like salivating over here. And I know if we're this early on in the episode, it's not going to get any better.

14:11Jules:It's only going to get worse. So we flew during the World Cup game, right? Okay. And we were like, oh, great. Like, this is awesome. We're going to be on the airplane. We're going to watch the game. And then we were boarding and Harrison was like, we're not going to get to watch, thank you, any of this because we've got kids. And I was like, we're not going to get to watch one minute of it. He got to watch maybe five minutes of it. But all I have to say I missed the halftime show But I watched Justin this morning Yeah And Ted Lasso Yes Because I thought I want to see how he did That man Is so unbelievably talented Did I say thank you P?

14:49Jules:Thank you Okay Sorry It just occurred to me He was unbelievable Yeah Did you watch it? I watched a little bit of it Okay Did he just sing Hallelujah? On YouTube That's all he's saying I don't know Yes I did watch it then He has some pipes I'm wondering like was this planned Before he did the Coachella thing Or is this like riding off of the vibes of Coachella Right I'm wondering too I'm also wondering that And then I don't know did you watch Madonna and Shakira I watched Shakira How was that I didn't get to watch any of it It was good I just thought like I watched I mean when I say I watched it I watched 15 seconds of it And I just think she's Awesome I think she's amazing You know what I'm realizing without Harrison here this is so much eye contact for me oh is it too much okay i can i can look somewhere else no i just don't do eye contact like this like we're constant eye contact sorry the last 15 minutes well we're talking jules no i know and chatting a problem that i have so i'm i'm making eye contact with you you don't have to make eye contact with me now i feel like now i'm like oh um okay so beaver halftime show i give it an a okay i give him in terms of raw talent he's unbelievable i saw a video of him and Haley leaving getting in their sprinter and they just get mobbed yeah it's just mobbed but no I'm happy for him he seems like he's doing good I agree I think that yeah I just I've oh I don't know I've just always loved him and so every time he goes out and crushes it I get really excited um I posted a video or a photo of Ted Lasso who was Ted Lasso what's his name Jason Jason Sudeikis Yes Looking at Justin But he's in his Ted Lasso character And he's smiling Just so proud of Justin Yeah He just like so is that Like well actually I don't know anything about Jason Sudeikis in real life But like I just see him As Ted Lasso now Oh me too That is his name I need him to be that nice in person Yeah I don't know if he is I know I fear I don't know I don't want to guess That he is or isn't But Ted Lasso is just He's my favorite character ever like I just love them yeah love them if you give you best friends with a movie character or a TV show character who would it be oh gosh my I mean my favorite show of all time is Gilmore Girls okay and so like just that anyone in that universe I think would be would be good for me would be your best friend mm-hmm mine would be I would love Ted like he would be an awesome friend um what are some shows i like oh emily in paris she would be fun she'd be a fun friend what i love that show she'd be cool she's her best friend would be cool mindy yeah i'll take mindy emily is a little annoying and i'm like yeah and always chaotic actually i totally agree But I do love that show.

17:48Jules:What are other shows that I like? You like, like, darker shows, I feel like. Like, not darker. Yeah, I agree. You just don't like necessarily, like, Emily in Paris isn't the one I would have picked for you to pull out. I like more, yeah. The limited series. Yes. They're just a little more. I love a limited series. There's a little more substance to them, but I wouldn't pick, like, someone from those to be best friends with. Not at all. Far from, actually. There's always something chaotic. Okay, so I'm going with Mindy. her memory in paris love it um yeah okay let's let's dive into these questions oh actually will you tell me about page lorenza's tuesday wedding okay well this was a it's just like going off all over the internet but do you know who page lorenza she's dairy boy founder influencer so marrying the tennis player marrying the tennis player his last name is paul i forget his first name right now um but they got married on a tuesday due to his tennis schedule which i thought was just like yeah due to his tennis schedule it's your wedding so you should get married whatever day you want but like no one else is available on a tuesday but the internet's kind of just like is this chic like is it cool to get married on a tuesday or is it just like rude and you're disrupting um everyone else's week well no i just love it in general like i just think if because of the tennis schedule like because you're a pro tennis player like okay period yeah that's really cool so i'm down for that and like if you can't make it don't go right so i think it's chic yeah i'm good with it too like because it is their wedding so whenever you know but i laughed at that it was like they said oh it's because of his his work schedule and it's like everyone else's work schedule also negates them from being able to go to your tuesday wedding but but i think they have be fine with that right also i i'm pretty sure like they probably run in a crowd that could do that that could do it maybe i don't know maybe not um yeah i think you get to get married when you want i agree whenever works for you yeah because what's he gonna do miss a tennis match i don't know though like there was not one saturday he was available but i love it i think it's chic that she did tuesday i like that it's not a thirst like it's if you're gonna do something different go really different right tuesday harrison said that to me on the phone today if you're gonna go against the grain you have to be vocal okay that's what he said and i thought oh another thing i would like to share with the class i read this the other day and it's really lived rent-free in my head if you want they said luck but if you want good things to hit you increase the surface area of which it has to hit so walk a different route home um say yes to more things if you're dating we were talking about it in terms of dating if you go to the same bar all the time or if you just sit at home like waiting on the absolute maybe you go somewhere else you say yes to more dinner invitations um so i thought that's cool increase your surface area take take a different workout class go to a different coffee shop it's kind of like you can't expect something different to happen to you if you just do the same things over and over again like the what is it um insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results yes like i do a lot of the same things all the time but i'm like chill with that because i like my life right i'm not sitting waiting for the next thing right but like i totally agree if i was like oh i need to go on three dates a week like i can't do that from sitting on my couch so right right if you want to change careers like but you don't know what you want to do take a class do xyz yeah if you always do you've always done you'll always get what you always got yep um okay we're diving in okay am i reading the questions sure okay um how have relation this is the friendship category how have relationships with your friends that don't have kids change since having your own i am on the latter part of my friends having kids so you also have to remember I've got different groups of friends so I'm going to take my college slash Oklahoma friends for example first which is all I think all of them no not all of them had kids before me but a good amount of them 70 80 percent but also I don't live near them so my relationship with them in general changed um when I do see them we now have play dates which is amazing.

22:11But so that's one that's one answer.

22:15Jules:The other answer is when I moved to Austin, I was pregnant. So I was looking for mom friends, but I was also looking for lifestyle friends. So I have both. How I could more so answer it. How did my relationship change when I had two kids? And it's just I have to time manage better. I can't be on the fly. Like sometimes people will be like, hey, we're going to this restaurant 2 p.m. on Saturday. Come meet us for brunch. I can't. That's going to always be really hard for me or I'm bringing the kids and that's going to be chaotic for everybody. Unless my mom friends say, hey, let's pile all the kids to the restaurant.

22:51Jules:Let's do something like that. Then I can be spontaneous. But I would say the way that my friendship has changed with my kids, with my friends with no kids is like, how do I verbalize this? I'm a little less available. I'm a little more picky with my time. And half of my brain is dedicated to other humans. So what I've had to do with that, my decision kind of more recently is like, I've decided I want to do more. I've decided, you know, my best friend and I are going to the Hillary Duff concert next week in Nashville. We both have kids. I'm going one night because that's the amount that I can tolerate being away from Rocky I haven't been away from him yet so I can do one night away from him um I also want to record three times a week like so I need to be here and I want to work more and I also want it's very important to me to be with the kids as much as I can throughout the day so like I have to maximize all of that and so social socializing is sort of what falls off there so yeah like I'm running at a really fast pace and so my my friendships need to be low maintenance if that makes sense um those are the people that i'm really good friends with right now are just like they don't require a lot from me um because i don't have that much to give because in this phase right now it's work and it's family does that make sense yeah i didn't really answer it like how because i don't have a best friend that lives beside me that i have a kid and she doesn't now right because the those friends like i have i have a girl here tony who i'm like i would say is one of my best friends she doesn't have kids yet but i met her when i already had kids so our relationship didn't change because you already had because she met me when i had tate right but then how so how do you think you and this maybe goes into the next question a little bit but like how do you stay or how did you get close with her i guess then without

25:00what's the best way to ask it how did you decide that you were going to like get close with someone that didn't have kids well one we you know I find her so I think you go on a lot of Austin's very social so I would go a lot to dinners where there would be a lot of

25:25Jules:people, let's say. I always found her and I to be asking each other a lot of questions. I think we have the same morals. I think she's very interested in, you know, like what's going on with Tate and Rocky. And she loves to come over and see them and hold them and play with them. And we also both like to travel. And, you know, we like a lot of the same things and we laugh at pop culture things and I but my baseline with her is like she's very genuine she's very interested in our lives and I'm the same with hers and we just for lack of a better term clicked yeah does that make sense 100 % I was thinking P and I were talking about this like a little bit before you got here but it almost goes back to in a different way the question we have of like do your friends have the same budget or the same hobbies and I know that's I'm not talking about budget here it's like do my friends have the same values or do we have the same like do we go out together right is is the kind of thing that i don't know i was trying to think through but like i from the opposite side as a person without a kid with my friends who are starting or do have kids it's like if my i'm friends with them because my values align with them not because we're do you know we're constantly like doing stuff together and like they're your value system changes i think when you have kids but not like who you are core to your being you know who you are like core to your being and i just think like if you as a childless child free person are deciding to end a friendship with someone or not end a friendship but like not putting time into a friendship with someone who has kids it's like you didn't you don't care about that person as a person in the first place you care about some version of them that likes to do the same things that you do yeah that's actually a very very deep good point so okay so to touch on that again I guess back on this side like with Tony for example we do there's a lot of people who socially like to do the same things I do okay you like to go to the same restaurant you like you sort of live the same social life but you're right that doesn't mean I guess let's in terms of if they're the same budget that would put them in the budget that would be that yeah turn and that's very like um surface level with tony we we have the same morals and we have the same um ideas of things we like to discuss you know pop culture but also we like to discuss how do you want to raise your kids what do you think about religion what do you think about this that and we talk about it a lot and I think that conversations like that probably mean you have some kind of even if you don't agree you your brain goes to I can hear you you can hear me let's discuss it yeah like we like to discuss the same things yeah does that make sense is that sort of what you're saying yeah and I think I guess to go back to the question of like how does your how do your relationships change it's to what you said it's like it's almost just like a logistics are changing at once you have a kid but like the underlying friendship if it's strong it shouldn't change like shouldn't change all that much and i guess i'm talking from the perspective of like i don't mean to tear friends but like i think i can say this because like i only have tier one friends like i don't i don't have tier two friends and i think that this dynamic is probably more between tier two friends than your tier one friends in general you don't you don't have to you don't have to two friends like I just I don't desire to be friends with someone who is a tier two to me you and you dump all of your time into the tier ones like you're a very good tier one friend correct so you thank you yeah like you have your six best friends yeah five and yeah and I have other like i have i would say like total 10 tier one friends okay but i have you know i have my group of five 10 was generous of me well you have your four plus another four i would say i have eight tier one friends okay and like you knew those you knew that immediately and you don't have any i don't have cuspers yeah exactly but i do think like i do think that this dynamic is probably more between I used it like living in Chicago I had a ton of like all my four best friends we all lived in Chicago together five best friends um but then you know you have like your outside circle too I would imagine that my relationship would change if my circumstances changed with those people that were like more tier two oh yeah of course yeah of course I don't know right you make it work with the tier ones yeah correct yeah my my best example of this is like when i stopped drinking uh-huh yes it's like you you go through like a friend shedding when you stop drinking okay but like i would never i don't know my my tier ones wasn't even a question they just were like cool they're just like okay great but your tier twos it's like yeah maybe you start getting invited out less because you don't you know get hammered with them or maybe you get invited to do different things that only happen on a sunday or like something like that so i would think that this dynamic that people are talking about probably happens with their tier two friends and just like, I would say, I don't know, examine if you need that front end.

30:56Jules:Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I totally agree. That's so, that's a very good parallel to stop drinking. Yes, I think so. That's really because it's a lifestyle change. Right. Yeah. You've heard me say it before, but I'll say it again. Skims is top tier and their fabrics are truly one of a kind. Lately, I've been reaching for Skimm's Cotton Everything. It's their ultimate comfort, whether I'm tackling a busy day or just relaxing at home or on the airplane I wore yesterday. Honestly, if you're looking for basics that actually last and feel incredible against your skin, this is it. Specifically, you guys, I live in their cotton rib tank, and you guys have definitely seen me wear it on the podcast.

31:32Jules:In fact, I wore it last week. It was the gray one. I'm always looking for pieces that hold up over time, and this tank has because it's a staple, and it is so easy to wear. It's incredibly soft. It's flattering. And it has the right amount of stretch to hug your body without feeling restrictive. I love that it keeps its shape throughout the entire day. No bagging out. And it's just pure comfort. Also, when I travel in it, you guys, once I get there, it looks the exact same as whenever I left. So shop Skims cotton and all of my favorite pieces at Skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you select podcast in the survey.

32:06Jules:And be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay. So the second one was how to connect with friends on a level that's not about your kids. I feel like my brain operates around baby stuff now. Do you know one thing that I've started doing is, in general, I think this is applicable to people, but going to dinner. Because one thing I've loved about this podcast is when we talk about some pop culture stuff or, you know, you can't go to the World Cup if you didn't pay child support. What an interesting thought. Going to dinner is... armed with two or three topics that don't have to do with your kids.

32:46Jules:You know, I mean, the child support does, you know, but it's a larger topic. Yeah. You know, and then bringing those two or three things to discuss with the table. I think in general, as a conversationalist, is a really good idea because I love the saying, you know, I don't know the exact thing, but small minds talk about people, medium minds talk about, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But all I know is the saying says, small minds talk about people. so I love going to dinner with a group of girls having a couple topics like this that we can talk about because everyone is going to have an opinion on them right and it's such a better conversation I agree I think beat like being and talking on this podcast has made me a better conversationalist in general because I do the same thing it's just like take two of the podcast topics that we talked about this week and bring them to the group and get people's opinions on it I do it all the time at dinner this weekend I was like I cannot stop regurgitating all these things that I've learned but it's really interesting yeah they're a little like we research it for a living right and then we just take it i think in general like being subscribed to even a newsletter or a substack um a newsletter though that can tell you like hey here's like six things that are happening in the world talk about them right i followed something yesterday i feel like i'm going to start using it for programming that was like if you're not chronically online here's what you missed this week that's where that's where the page well i am chronically online so i knew the page lorenz thing But that's where the Paige Lorenz thing came from in programming.

34:09But it's like five quick stories that are all things that we would always talk about on the podcast. That's like a – what is it? I'll have to find the account. Maybe I'll put it in the description. But it's a really good follow. And I don't remember what it's called.

34:23Jules:Okay. Yeah. So that's how to connect with friends on a level not about kids but in general. Yeah. I also – and then from the flip side, like I also think that like – I've the way that I talk on here is how I try to connect to my friends that have kids too which is like all I can do is share my personal story so like whether that's sharing back something from my childhood or sharing back something about Jenny regardless of if that's a parallel or not but like I think moms people without kids like hearing stories about your kids like yes but they we don't want to hear like every little detail but you still want to hear stories and like connect like because that's what you're what you said 50 of your brain is focused on right your kids at any given time so it's like what if that's your friend's interest like why don't you want to hear about your friend's interest totally so like i think that i thought it was like hard to relate to my friends that had kids but it's like literally not because just you can spout back like anything about your childhood or ask questions or um i don't know parallel to something in pop culture and like i just think like i don't know why it's so taboo to talk about your kids with people who don't have kids totally it shouldn't be i also think you can ask questions like yesterday um you know you were on the airplane with the kids if you were didn't have kids but you had a best friend that had kids you could just wait how hard is it to fly with your kids yeah and they would tell you it's jaw dropping like one minute had gone by and I was like that was an hour you know like you could always just ask and then back and I don't know it's a fun dialogue you can talk about yeah yeah that I think is really cute um okay as a first-time mom with a bestie who has chosen to be childless actually if it's chosen it's child free we've now learned there you go but still loves kids in general I'm struggling to find the balance of having adult time with her and inviting her to be part of my child's life my friend is the godmother and wants to have a relationship with my daughter and I also want that but I'm struggling to balance it all without feeling guilt or overwhelming her with all the kids with all the stuff kids require it's easier with other moms because they sign up for it themselves you know what do you think again this is like because I have tier one friends but like as soon as I find out that like one of my friends is pregnant like that's now my child like and I'm a person that's like not super into kids but like I have two really good friends that are pregnant right now and like those are my children that are coming so like like if the if her friends the godmother and likes kids and like wants to be around like just let that don't worry about having adult time okay we're you're i don't know it's like yes you might want to have some solo time like i make time for that i don't know you're saying don't worry about it invite her don't worry about it if she's saying that she likes kids and she is the godmother and she wants to have a relationship with the daughter then like let it happen don't worry like she would express if she didn't want that you know i i agree jules so i but i needed to hear from you so like so let okay so embrace it invite her to everything but also you can carve out a girls night right you can do both and then i also i think from my perspective do you know that cameron oaks rogers yes she just put up a video and she said that she learned when she had a kid like as sorry from before when she didn't have kids she would be like when can I stop over how can I help how can I do this how can I do that and the number one thing she learned when she had a kid is like you need to do that paired back by like 80 percent like you need to be there for your friend but don't be so like all up in their business and annoying and um interesting I want to see the video I remember vividly one of my best friends who gave birth before me I like wanted to meet the baby so badly and see her and being like can I come can I come when can I come I'm in the city like I happen to be near apartment can I come can I come I would be so annoyed if I were her like reflecting back on that period like bitch leave me alone but I had no idea and you really don't know and I say that because people who have just now given birth and are potentially let down by their friends who don't have kids you have to give them grace because similarly to you they can't comprehend what the fuck just happened to you and your life because they have not experienced that yet i'll send it to you but like offering like i said like one of my friends that's here is having a kid in december and like it's not it's up to me to express interest like oh i want to meet the baby but like wait to be invited over okay yes yes whereas like my vibe my normal vibe I would be like, I want to come meet the baby.

39:15Jules:Got it. Okay. That's a great example. I was talking about this with Sammy, actually, about like how you do think you're supposed to be like, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come. But actually, when it comes to a baby, you wait. Take the lead of the parent. Yes, until you're invited. Because there's like germs and you never know how mom feels. And it's a very good example. I want to see the video. Will you send it to me? I will. Maybe link it too. Yeah. Okay. Okay, let's, I'm going to, I'm going to, well, we'll go, we'll stay in order. As a first time mom, I find it intimidating to leave the house in our safe space.

39:49Jules:How do you find the courage to go out and do all these activities with the littles? This is where I get really overwhelmed leaving the house. It feels like a mountain to me. Harrison is so good at it. So the first thing I'll say is like, I'm lucky I have a partner who can, I think it came from living in Hong Kong. I've never seen somebody pack so fast Be able to get on and off an airplane so fast Be able to do public transportation so quickly Let alone with two kids It is truly no problem for him Sometimes I just stand behind him And just follow him There's all those things They always do the couples at an airport And the husband's like I'm looking around constantly And the wife's like do do do do do That's truly me with him in every aspect So I gotta say I really agree with you here In terms of I understand it's intimidating to leave the house.

40:40Jules:Also though, I find shots on net. The more I do it, the more comfortable I am.

40:47Jules:And what's the worst that's going to happen? The worst that's going to happen is there's a meltdown out and about in public. And in that sense, you can always just leave. So I will say, challenge yourself to get out of the house and do it. Cause once you do it once you will feel really good and you'll want to do it more. And it does feel rewarding for everybody involved, but lean on your partner because mine's really helpful and i'd have to assume that that some level of that is is the germs piece of it probably yeah oh because she's saying our safe space yeah i come from the school of thought i think germs are good for their immune system i don't i don't know if that's even science-based at all or if i just decided that yeah I think I think you have a higher higher germ tolerance me don't you think I have a very high germ tolerance more than I thought that I would have yeah um but I get being scared of the germs but I also know they're coming no matter what like kids are just going to get sick and they're going to get more sick than we are because their immune systems are developing so the more germs they can be around actually I think the better for them so I get that your safe spaces at home i don't want to misspeak on this because my mom told it to me last night but apparently like people our mom's age are getting the um what was it called cyclospor cyclosporiasis they're getting it less they're not getting it as much as people our age because they have like so many more um germs like they were drinking out of hoses and like doing stuff like that i should fact check it before i spread that but apparently like us and kids are getting sicker from it than people our parents age because they have just like built up that immunity the two people i know that had it are our age interesting well i also saw the farm came out they had said it was coming from it was lettuce coming from taylor farms but then i saw last night taylor farms posted that actually the results were negative and apparently they're like suing what the fda as they should yeah because like i was like i don't want to eat that ever again yeah um okay so so interesting i do try though to let tate like drink out of a hose you know like i try to let her be very just be a kid i agree she puts her food in her water and then wants to and that's not germs it's just gross but like I let her do that and I try to just like really let her be um and I think that I think it's good for them to do that yeah I know it's hard as a mom to relinquish control so I understand I understand too like they have a blowout you've got extra clothes at home you've got your wipes at home I get it but to a certain extent like you just got to go out and do it and other moms will get it the mom I contact out in public is just like it's all good girl I got you you know so I do think I think it I think you should do it I think you should get out and back go somewhere pick somewhere listen I love going to Target when I have the kids like I just put them in the cart I love it but also you could go to um like a park or find a museum or something like that where it's going to be a ton of other kids and there's going to be a lot of other moms in your boat and that might be because getting in and out of the car is even a task the car seats I I mean, you're just schlepping.

44:11Jules:So maybe you could do something like that as an exercise. And then you could be proud of yourself and then you could try it again. How do you slash have you tracked your cycle during postpartum seasons? Well, I haven't had my period yet, so I haven't had to this time. And last time with Tate before I was getting pregnant with Rocky, I wouldn't track my cycle. Is tracking your ovulation the same thing as tracking your cycle? Yeah. Okay I got the ovulation strips That you just like pee on And it tells you if you're ovulating And there was like an app But I'm not very good at apps So I did it I think the old school way I guess There's plenty of apps that do this Yes I'm just not so good at the apps But How do you I pee on the stick Have you Yes Okay relationship What do you and H argue about the most postpartum How do you communicate to keep things feeling fair he is i'm a bit there was a video i saw that was like um i wanted i'm mad at everybody because i wanted to do things differently and i didn't say it out loud nobody read my mind that's me i'm like you did well you didn't know that i was feeling that i was in a bad mood or i was sad today like no because you didn't tell me so but he is i would say an over communicator it's one of his strong suit.

45:34Jules:So he, like we get on the plane yesterday. He's like, how are you feeling energy wise? I'm like, pretty good. He's like, how are you feeling after the trip? I'm like, good. He's like, are you excited to get back to Austin? Yes. Do you like living in Austin? Still love living in Austin. You know, like he's just checking in constantly. Um, and so again, you know, that's really, really helpful, but how do you, what do you and H argue about most postpartum? I would say we argue about what's our biggest argument right now? The AirPods. Yeah, him losing his AirPods. I got him two pairs before he left.

46:15Jules:Two. Two new ones. Two new ones. And I said, do not lose these. He needs like the case. But it doesn't even help. He needs like a lanyard or something. Yeah, he does need it. He does. He needs an actual lanyard. And then, like, the other day, Tate lost one. I'm going to call him and ask him what his answer is to this just to see. I wonder. I think he was taking a workout class. I'm trying to think right now. I want to answer this accurately. One thing that we do is sometimes, like, and I don't even realize I'm doing it. How's it going? You're live on the pod. I have a question for you. I thought so.

46:56Jules:I thought this was happening. Oh, wow. Well, Jules and I, we're trucking along, but we've hit the relationship question, okay? Okay. And the question is, what do you and H argue about most postpartum? Oh, wow. I think my tone is a big one, but I can handle that. I can talk about that once we hang up. What do you think it is?

47:21Jules:What do I think it is? i think it's it's like the day to day um like over management of just like life with kids like i don't think it's anything big at this point i think it's i i hate using the word the mental load i just feel like when when like fresh after a kid everyone's we'll call it a cup everyone's cup is so full oh should we're gonna call it mental everyone's mental load is just so full that like it makes little things appear bigger than they are and so that's often what there's a bicker about but i don't there's nothing that like i think that's a good one sustained there's nothing that like i think we keep coming back to well my tone yeah my sometimes i have a very bad tone with Harrison and I've got to work on that but again I'll talk about when we hang up but I think your tone is a product of like your tone goes bad when your mental load is capped out and so that causes you to like speak in a situation like you otherwise wouldn't and that's largely what I mean it's like not a big thing but it's like a perfect example is the door being open like I'll go outside to the car to get something and I won't close the door and then I'll come in and you'll say something to me I'm like well I'm bringing stuff in like if I like and you're bringing the flies in with that door open like that's it I don't know okay okay I can I do feel like my mental load okay I'm just gonna talk about this now live to Jules okay love you bye wait wait wait is there anything I can talk about I just I landed I had to take a 6am flight because I waited.

49:13Is this going to stay in or no?

49:15Jules:Yes. We do no cuts. Can I give the update as to what's going on with me or no? Of course. Okay, so I was supposed to take a 945 flight. I waited to book it. Somehow the flight got full. So I had to take a 610. So I got here very early, landed, went straight to a workout, which was helpful. Walked right out of the workout class. That's where you caught me. Should you call me five minutes ago? I would have been doing buys and tries at berries. And yeah, I'm really happy I get to call in. So what else? Is there anything else I can talk about today? Or we can talk about today? Wow, we've caught him in a...

49:54I have a bit of time to kill. I have a good five, ten minutes here before I got to get to where I need to go.

50:01Jules:Well, I'll say this. Once you... I felt this with Tate. And I felt this with Rocky as well. Once we... The minute we had them, in terms of the mental load, I feel like if I had a box that was the mental load, it is stuffed, jammed full. Like I cannot cram one more thing into it. And I know that then that starts to go away. But if any parents are feeling that of like your brain is on overload because you're responsible for one other human. You know, now it's two humans and yourself. So three humans. And I do feel like it's like shoved so full. So I'll give you an example with my tone on the back of this being so full.