Relationship Q&A: How we met, our relationship timeline & sharing our lives online

0:00This podcast features Two Parents.

0:30Right now, get up to 15 % off select storage solutions. Put heavy-duty HDX totes to good use, protecting what's important to you. The solid, impact-resistant design prevents cracking, and the clear base and sides make items easy to find even when the totes are stacked. Find select shelving and tote storage up to 15 % off at the Home Depot to organize every room in your home, from your garage to your attic. Visit homedepot.com. How doers get more done. Fire in the hole. Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents and a Podcast. Today's episode is the relationship Q &A, not parenting Q &A, relationship.

1:14I have a question. What? It has nothing to do with relationships. Okay. And it is for both of you and maybe the internet. Okay, so you're wearing this cool sweatsuit, right? Thank you. Okay. Really cool. Really? Yeah. I think it looks really good. It's from a cool brand called Form. Thank you, Sammy Spalter. She sent it to me. And this is not an ad. No, it's not an ad. Form, there's a bunch of very cool all-woman's brands like Form. Why don't these brands do drops for men? Like if Form did a drop for like the partners, would you not buy that? Like I would love like a brand like Form, like a male fit.

1:54And not to be sold all the time, but like imagine for the holidays, if we could get like the guy-girl version. Daily Drills did baby drills. So is Daily Drills an all-woman's brand? Yeah. Yes. Like a Daily Drills drop for men. Yeah, I get it. I get what you're saying. They did a drop for baby. Why don't we ask them? I would love that. We'll get a drop. I would love that. Or a form drop for men. Yeah. Just an in and out. I love it. No, I love it. I love it. An in and out. Because I remember Outdoor Voices kind of did that back when that was a thing. But Outdoor Voices has men's stuff. But I liked that.

2:37Yeah. I liked that. Okay. That was like a big – You know what? I got to push back. I'm not as into it. I like the girls' brands doing girl stuff. I just think like they're – We can't have a moment? No, no, no. Their target demo is female and like it's not broke, right? But like it is smart because their target demo is female and who's buying clothes for the males. I guess it would make sense for the holidays. Yeah, something. To buy a gift. I want to do, I like really want to dial in your Christmas gifts because we're traveling. So I want them to be, and I don't think we can necessarily ship them to this ranch.

3:09So they need to be able to fit in my bag. So I'm going to start thinking about this. Keep you guys posted. Doing Christmas on the road does create some unique logistical dynamics. But it's fun. It's so fun. I love it. I love it too. I love it too. You know me, big Christmas and Hanukkah guy. We're big holiday people. Big holiday people. Going to do our holiday lights. Holiday card. Loved the photos. Came out great. I need to text the neighbor. My go-to neighbor for like, who's your florist? Who's your this? Who's your that? I'm going to ask her, who does your Christmas cards, your holiday cards?

3:43and we're going to get them dialed. How many are we going to send? I don't know. We've got to look at the list. We've got to add to the list because now we have all of our Austin friends. I suggested, I think that there's nothing that I've done more of a 180 on than holiday cards. So Harrison even said after we went and took the holiday photos, I'm really glad we did that. He suggested to his friend that they should do it. it's less for the moment and more for the memory. Like I love in 20 years we're going to be able to look back and recall all of these holidays. Maybe we should do cards for every holiday.

4:27No. I love, because it's a lot to do one year. An Easter card? Some people do. Bubber is a bunny? Oh my gosh. She was a bunny last year. Can we talk about our doctor's appointment yesterday? You know what Harrison would normally say at this time? This is turning into a Thursday episode This is Thursday episode conversation Yeah, okay, so we'll save it Jules, on Thursday I want to talk about our doctor's appointment Okay, perfect And our birth plan Oh Ooh Because we have it Okay Okay, I have the first relationship question that was not on the list Okay Okay Are you actually getting married that November 8th, 9th weekend?

5:04Because I feel like us declaring that on the pod caught a couple people off guard. It was a tough day for my phone. Some of my friends were like, what? I was like, no, I don't know. It's a Wednesday. We discussed that live. That was live. That date is not confirmed. Not even close. Just so we're very, very clear on that. And then I storied it and I said, we might have our wedding date. Wait, what? No, no, no. That's the problem. Hold on. Hold on. I got that screenshot sent to me a hundred times. Hold on. I have to get people to watch the episodes. Family members were responding, being like, what?

5:39I was like, no, no, no. Oh my God. And I saw it. So Julie does. I do all of my stories except for Thursday morning. Julie posts the podcast stories. Sometimes I go and look at them and I think, oh no. This one said. So what is it? We might have our wedding date. But we might. Yeah. You guys said. No, no, no, no. I gotta defend Jules now. I use the language that you use. She doesn't do clickbait. So if Mike was in there, then that's fine. I just want to be very clear. That was us brainstorming the wedding date, not confirming the wedding date. We haven't done one ounce of wedding planning. And one thing that I do love about this podcast is like it does create these, like what the podcast has really turned into is like true, like I'm blanking on the word here.

6:24It's a lot of our first time conversations. It's real conversations. And yes, thank you. A lot of the first time that they're having them. So it really is about like a true, honest, open look at our lives. So yes, for the record. we might have it but it's not like not one thing okay we haven't done one thing for the record i said we think we might have our wedding date question mark exclamation yeah yeah jules you you don't miss the mark on those so plus did a little wedding weekend planning live on the podcast yeah which was literally what it is yeah facts facts okay okay perfect all right well do want to just dive in yeah to the questions okay number one you take this take it away how did you two meet i feel like the listener would want to hear this from you okay we i went to dinner at checky's in new york it's such a fabulous restaurant they have the adult happy meal which is martini and french fries with a girl named anna who is a mutual friend of harrison and I's and while we were there we were talking about relationship statuses and at the end she very nonchalantly I did not know Harrison asked her to do this so kudos to her at the end she was like well I mean I don't know but like I you know now that I've gotten to know you a bit I do have this guy that like I do think you would get along with really well and I loved her so much I was like you can totally set me up with somebody so the next day she puts you and I in a group text and says what?

7:58I thought we still have it. Harrison meet Alex. Alex meet Harrison. And then I went and followed you. I kind of think that we need to read the text. Okay, we've never... I don't know what this text says because I haven't looked at it since the day of. This is fun. But... I'm going to story it and say we might have read the text message. Thank you. That's live on the podcast. Okay, so here's the text. You have the text on me. I have the text right here. Harrison and Alex good morning Find some time for a beverage when you're both in the big bad city And have fun Okay so that text was sent at 821 At 912 Alex replied and said good morning Sunshines thanks Anna and hi Harrison And I said Thanks Anna we'll send We'll message you direct Alex to set something up And you did Both of those texts are just like So you guys We'll message you direct like it's an email Ever wonder why your prenatal vitamin stays the same when your body changes so much during pregnancy?

9:02You guys, Parallel is the first OBGYN-founded vitamin company. Each vitamin pack contains a comprehensive, doctor-formulated routine. No need for separate bottles. It's truly the best. You're like a little package. You can throw them in your bag if you're traveling. Take them with you on the go. And here's the thing. There's stage-specific nutrition that changes with you from conception through postpartum. Clean label project certified tested for over 400 contaminants, including heavy metals, which is like the most important thing. And they're made with bioavailable ingredients your body can actually absorb.

9:37So exclusive for our listeners, new customers can enjoy 20 % off their first order with code 2PARENTS. Visit ParallelHealth.com. That's P-E-R-E-L-E-L-H-E-A-L-T-H.com with code 2PARENTS for 20 % off your first order. This is actually amazing. Okay. The next text in this group chat is January 1st. Okay. Okay. So this was November. November 4th was the first date. We met. We met. So Anna probably sent this. I don't know. Anna sent us this text like whatever month before that. so this text January 1st says, I write a text and I go, hi, following up here. And you go, the date went well. It hasn't ended yet.

10:29January 1st. Oh, she said following up. I said, hi, following up here. Oh. And Alex said, the date went well. It hasn't. So that was two months later. Got it. It hasn't ended yet. It hasn't ended yet. So that's how we met. So, okay, so I guess the new listeners probably don't know what. And then this is great. then there's whatever some funny banter then she texts us and says sneaky bev at 5 30 or 6 p.m today this is after this is like a couple weeks gone by i go we are en route back to la and dot dot dot she's pregnant and she goes beg your pardon could someone give me a call beg your pardon and then i said do we have to tattoo at his name on our child because this is all her doing in right back to la dot dot dot just beg your pardon someone call um okay okay so how about that and there's actually some good consistent banter through so that was i mean anna came and visited us last month when she was here for f1 like she very and we see her at um what's that event called expo west like we see you see her at things because they're in the same industry ish adjacent yeah she's a venture capitalist oh my gum oh hold on brutal brutal i hate when i swallow it because you know they say it takes seven years to digest so that was how did we meet okay but hold on then so we had an hour two hour face time after you canceled on our first date i canceled on our first date um and then the ball was in my court which i did a very good job of dribbling the ball that was in my court and bouncing it back to you and so then harrison came back to new york and we had another date but before he came we had a two hour FaceTime.

12:32I believe it was four hours. Could have been a four hour FaceTime. And it was like we did not stop talking. It was so much fun. Like it was such a fun FaceTime. Then, so that was a Thursday night. And he was flying to New York allegedly Friday. And so I was like, hey, do you want to hang out on Friday? And he was like, no, because he wasn't in New York yet. He flew in Saturday morning. It was also one of the, I don't know if you told us, for one of the craziest moves that we had a date planned for saturday and she texted me the day before the first date asking me if i wanted to go to an event with her well i didn't know if you wanted to go to the event with me it was just like curveball the other thing that went through my head on that saying no to that event is like i thought it was very important after that first facetime that we got like good quality time together.

13:27And at an event, that wouldn't have been possible. Very true. And so like I love going to events with you, but I love going to events with you now that I know you. Yeah. So he came into town. I cannot explain to you. Like it makes me smile recounting our first date. So we go on the first date and he says to me, would you like me to pick you up in my Uber or do you want to meet me at the dinner? I opted because he was at the hotel down the street I said pick me up on your way to dinner so he picks me up on the way to dinner we go to overstory so we go to this like rooftop in New York we have drinks and appetizers we had tater tots best tater tots of my life where I think Tate's name came from then when then so he had told me for the date dress comfy so I dressed comfy but cute then we go downstairs and he says okay next thing we're doing is we're going to the balloon museum he had the next uber outside waiting so logistically it was very good so we get in the car we go to the balloon museum the balloon museum in new york city is incredible it's in tribeca we went on a saturday night so there wasn't like a lot of kids there it was a lot of dates and we did the last slot possible so that way it was as empty as can be it was magical because the balloon museum like we went here in austin it's not the one in new york it was awesome risky to go to a museum that's like traveling it was a 10 out of 10 so we leave the balloon museum and he says okay now we're going to go to dinner and you've got two options breakfast for dinner which if you know me is a slam dunk of an option or a burger a cheval i chose the burger because i knew the vibes would be better at that restaurant so we had reservations at both and we went to a cheval and had a two-hour great dinner and then we went to like seven bars on the way home because we just were like this is fun so we just kept bopping around we had a great time we didn't stop talking yeah nailed it and that date never ended never ended we had such a fun time um the next day he took me to get sushi we went and had we went to um lure fish bar in new york we had aperol spritzes and crispy tuna rice walked around the city got coffees walked into shops well we had a great we had a great time I tried on a jacket on the street.

15:42I have a photo of that. For dinner that night, it was the first restaurant that you chose. Harrison hated it. And, well, I mean, what a swing and a miss that place was. I love it. I still love it. I can't think of the name of it. Well, we wouldn't want to say it. But now I want to know. It was right by your house. It was dairy-free pizza. Oh. Yeah. Jill's like, no. Anyways, it was a blast. It was great. So the rest is history. Here we are. Here we sit in Austin, Texas with one kid and one on the way. November 4th. Nothing was the same. So maybe we get married on that date. Maybe we don't. So timeline wise, though, I guess if you're a new listener, we just had our two year anniversary.

16:23So you can kind of do the math, right? We met November 4th. I got pregnant two and a half months later. We moved to Austin when I was seven, seven and a half months pregnant. Yep. So then we had Tate in September. Here we sit. we love it here. I think the best decision we've made in our relationship not that this is a question, but the best decision we've made in a relationship other than committing to each other and having a beautiful child and many more to come was our move to Austin. I totally agree. I was driving today and I was driving down South Conga Street and I just had such pride in the city I was like I like I like I wanted I defend the city I'm proud of the city well we have so much fun here we see so many people we know people love to do things like the city's a blast there's a lot going on it's very family friendly yeah I just like what it's about like I people are doing what did I see I saw something like someone wearing like a maybe it was it was like what oh I think I was thinking about like why am I why do I support UT and like why do I wear I guess I went on the podcast yeah but like why do I like Texas hats UT hats because I I support the city I I stand for what the city for what the city stands for and the people here totally what are we looking at Jules well I can't find it but someone just dm'd us this morning and said you guys speak so highly of Austin what's your favorite thing to do there so maybe we could give like one top recommendation what makes austin is the people tons of tons of transplants entrepreneur transplants that that have this mindset that's awesome it's the best people i would say our last fridays if you were to look at the last 10 fridays that we have been in austin i would say nine of them we have had a barbecue you at someone or ours house.

18:29That's what we're doing today. We're going to Taylor's house. The families will sit there. We'll watch football. The kids will play. And not always going to the same people. Like it is an open door city. Here's what they're asking for actually. They would like to visit because you guys speak so highly of Austin and they're wondering where they should stay and what number one restaurant they should go to. So they should stay at the Line Hotel. I mean, easy. Done. It's the best location. Yeah. The number one. Can we give some other options of hotels? Yes. The Austin Motel. Austin Motel is incredible.

19:01It's incredible. The proper is great. That's the most expensive one, but it's awesome. Yeah. But the line in the Austin Motel are fabulous. Yeah. Carpenter Hotel. Great. Very good. Hotel Magdalena. I was going to say that one. Yeah. I think that important to note, like all of these are great. You can book at the Soho House here as well, and then you have access to the Soho House pool and facilities but you don't remember you want to stay on south congress or downtown close to the line and then the carpenter has a sneaky good uh a sneaky good location and then another fancy one i think is that hotel lauren which is close to the carpenter everywhere you look right now people are talking about weight loss medications it's the buzz at brunch your group chats and even the doctor's office but how do you know if weight loss medications are right for you.

19:55Enter HERS. HERS is transforming women's healthcare by providing access to the weight loss treatment plans for every budget. They connect you with the medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you. If prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care, check-ins, dosage, and medication adjustments and access to 24-7 online support at no additional cost, no hidden fees, and no membership fees, you guys. So if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time for you to find the best option that works for you through hers.

20:31Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit forhers.com slash two parents to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you. That's F O R H E R S.com slash two parents for hers.com slash two parents. Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety effectiveness or quality by the fda prescription required see website for full details important safety information and restrictions actual price depends on product and plan purchase and give us one restaurant each okay i okay so this is something that i think if you can do it's cool to do rent a boat and go to ski shores i think is one of the coolest things this city has to offer finding a way to get on a boat rent a boat there's a lot of ways to rent a boat yeah but you need generally you're gonna need a big group of people or not just go the two of you okay expensive if you're just doing that for two there is i was just looking there is a like boat shuttle to ski shores okay okay that like you pay i don't know like 20 bucks for a ticket bingo what huge huge do that when I was looking to rent a boat do that do that that's what you do that's 100 % so here's how I'd lay it out I would say Friday night you start it off you go to Matt's Al Rancho it's a classic or La Piscina people may sit there and say you know like it's so cliche or this or that it's a classic it's how you start the weekend and the food's good and it's just like I'm in Texas I'm in Texas The vibe is fun.

22:15Then Saturday, I think if there's a UT game, you plan your day around the UT game. Or go to the bars to watch the game. At least hit 6th Street. Chalmers is a very cool bar. Then either on the Saturday or Sunday, different day, get on the lake. That boat to ski shore sounds amazing. But getting out to ski shore is very, very cool. Check out one of the Swedish Hill coffee shops when you're here. They're awesome. cruise east austin south congress you got to walk south congress walk south congress shop on south congress but kind of cruise and bar hop on in east austin saturday i would do a nicer dinner i would go to la piscina j carver or sammy's why are we shaking our head i'm stopping myself because i don't want to dunk on your guys's special place you think sammy's overrated i actually think i know most accurately rated place on the planet no like what's the problem with any average italian place in new york but i this isn't new york but i think that's a thing on a tuesday it's crowded it's got the old school vibe so i stopped myself what what is a better special occasion restaurant in in austin i don't know i don't know but like i just i went for my friend's birthday and i was underwhelmed okay because all i've been hearing about i agree to disagree agree to disagree i'm floored but But yes, love Jake Harber's, Sammy's.

23:43La Piscina. La Piscina. I would. La Piscina's fun. Suerte. Yeah. Not special occasion though. No, no, no. But we're talking the Saturday night of these people's trip. Yeah, Suerte's great for that. And you need, must. Clark's, hello. Oh, Clark's, 100%. But above all, you gotta go to Terry Black's. Oh yeah. You gotta go to Terry Black's. Barbecue. Whether it's the Saturday noon or the Sunday noon. You've got to go. This is the language that he said. The Saturday noon, the Friday. Saturday at noon or around noon on Saturday and Sunday. Yeah. Bar's on West 6th fun. Oh, I thought he was six. Oh, walk the lake.

24:22You've got to walk the lake. Oh, yeah, you've got to walk the lake. You've got to walk the lake. Get up, get a coffee, walk the lake. And end up at Veracruz Tacos at the Line Hotel. Which you should just stay there. After you get your Veracruz Tacos at the Line Hotel, go to Alfred and get a Frank's Latte. Bingo. Okay, so Carly. Carly. come to Austin. Shout out Carly. Sorry, there's your answer. It was long-winded. Chances are, if you follow that, you will run into us as well. Yeah, you'll run into us and like, you'll love Austin. You'll be like, can I move here? Yeah. Not that you do that to run it.

24:50I take that back. Well, no, he's just saying we hit all these spots. That's like, that is our circuit. Yeah, that's our circuit. Okay. Who brought up having a kid? I was reading that in my brain. Sorry, that wasn't a very good way to read that. Okay. Number two, who brought up having a kid?

25:07so you me you me you okay um i would be curious what your take on this would be versus how i remember it well i'll just say overarchingly you well i would say conversational okay so it was definitely conversational because we were going to get married in vegas we were going to elope to vegas because i was there in december exactly and then we didn't and then the conversation I think definitely turned to okay it could take us a year to get pregnant like let's start trying because like we knew we were in the game one thing you have to realize context wise is Harrison and I were both out of long relationships beforehand and when we met each other we were like we had so much context of what we wanted and so we just like knew it was like when you know you know I would call it love at first sight and and so then we we all were holding hands and then he said i think you started the combo though so i and hey you know what as i'm thinking as you should as i'm thinking on this here is here is the the general timeline of how i believe it played out i think that throughout our are just like moments of hanging out and talking there's a lot of like what do you know i want to have kids and i want to have kids with you right yeah and so i think somebody probably said that after like three glasses of wine first i would imagine let's just be like completely honest it wasn't like so but then in terms of the actual like timeline it was after vegas because after vegas that's when we said you know what how fun would it be to get married in um paris on july in july uh around your birthday and uh and that is what parlayed the conversation into well um i'm sure i asked how do you think kids would fit into that timeline and i believe you said the ideal time to get pregnant would then be in december of that year okay yeah so like six months after the wedding harrison's a lot more um and then i was like okay well if it takes a year you know for most people a lot of people to have to get pregnant then you know probably makes sense to start trying now jules i'm getting a smirk over there no just like you guys are so literal no Harrison is so you heard oh it takes a year to get pregnant and so like let's start trying I'm not so literal Harrison is so literal he you would ask the question how do kids fit into that equation okay let's back into that I just like wouldn't even think about it and then we had bubs and here we are here here's bubs so yeah I think that i think harrison brought it up first um or it came up first over a few glasses of wine and then i would have pushed the more formal conversation yes you pushed the more formal conversation we were on the exact same page and that's when i made you sign your commitment to he did the child yep we're kidding sometimes people i don't think get it you guys don't get our sense of humor okay number three do you deal with resentment if so how do you handle it you're better at resentment than I am so you go I think that that I don't know what I think right now so let me think about what I think write your resentment down I think it's a good oh thank you thank you thank you yeah so I think with me he often comes into the room with his notes app When I start feeling resentment, my core priority is not letting that resentment build.

28:45And so what I do is I write down why I'm feeling resentful. And what that allows me to do is look at it and be like, does this make sense? Is there merit to the way I'm feeling? Or do I just need a reframing of my mindset? And if it does land when I read it back to myself, then I go to you and I say, hey, I'm feeling resentful. And here's why I'm feeling resentful or not even just resentful. I'm, you know, unhappy about something or mad about something. And, yeah, I just find it makes sense to write it down. It's oftentimes I feel like. Communicate it and not let it build. Yes. And that way, by not letting it build, we nip it in the butt before, you know, real resentment shows up.

29:34Yeah, because I think the biggest mistake you can make is letting it build and then explode. And I think that that's one of the things I'm most proud of about our relationship is our ability to have tough conversations and not just sweep things under the rug. You've really taught me that. Your ability to have tough conversations has... I was actually pretty good at it, but you're far better. Far better. Far and away better. You're very in tune with your feelings. You're very in tune with your feelings. You are... I'm not so much. I just in a corner like, I don't know. I'm sure, maybe. Okay. Don't undermine yourself like that.

30:15No, I'm not. You're very in touch with your feelings. No, I like the way that I am. I'm not so in touch with my feelings You're the best And that's all that matters Okay Can we talk about the phrase Nip it in the bud? Yeah I think it's bud Right with a D Yeah not butt honey What? It's not nip it in the butt? No it's the bud You nip it in the butt No Nip it in the bud That's the problem with me Losing my phone privileges here Is Jules has the power of Google And I just sit here and And why have you lost your phone privileges? Let's talk about that. Because you abused them. The audience barely knows that.

30:56That he doesn't get phone privileges? Yeah. Oh, Harrison does not get it. Harrison can't multitask. And what he does is he picks up his phone in the middle of the episode. He gets on his email. And then we've lost him for five minutes. And I can't remember my train of thought. So he doesn't have phone privileges during the episode. For the betterment of everybody. And so the bud is like the source. Like the. It's the bud of the flower. The bud of the flower. Nip it in the bud. It's the same thing. play it by ear versus play it by ear i thought it was played by year forever i think it's ear it is it's ear because it's a music term it's definitely ear yeah thursday conversation yeah okay sorry um how do you make a partner recognize the mental load i will take this one because so i think the first thing is identifying the mental load which we didn't know it existed Yeah, it's a super helpful thing to define and know that it exists because we knew that we had the feeling of it existing but didn't know how to name it.

31:54At this stage of my life, you guys, especially being pregnant, I'm really focusing on the quality of my sleep. And for me, that includes what I wear to bed. Skims has the best pajamas, you guys. I literally feel like I sleep better when I have good fabrics that I'm wearing. It's a tale as old as time. I look cute. And I feel so comfortable. Also, you guys have got to look at their new holiday collection they just dropped. The prints are so cute. And they've got women's, men's, kids, and even pets. So you can get a set for the whole entire family. So shop my favorite pajamas at skims.com. Also, I'm wearing the Skims bra right now.

32:32I swear by everything that they make. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey. and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. That's skims.com and be sure to select our podcast in the survey that follows. That's skims.com and be sure to select our podcast in the survey that follows. And then we had Dr. Cutlip on the show and she taught us about the mental load. The mental load is all the things that occupy your brain that you take care of. For example, paying the bills, taking out the trash, handling the bottles, handling the food, All these things, and I think when parenting arises, the mental load enhances or doubles, okay?

33:12So the way that we handle the mental load or how you have your partner help you on the mental load is, number one, name it the mental load. So then it becomes you two versus the mental load, not you versus each other. So a phenomenal example of the mental load in our relationship is right now I'm on food duty. I'm on grocery duty because I'm picky about the groceries. But number two, part of my mental load is do we have stuff to feed Tate? But in Harrison's mental load is he's doing morning duty with Tate every single morning. But an example of the mental load kind of pass off is there was one morning this week where Tate had been getting up.

33:53The time change was killing us. So there were some 445, some 515. And he said, hey, I need to sleep in tomorrow. Do you think you can do it if you feel OK? I was like, absolutely. So I was on Tate duty that morning and I knew it, but that doesn't mean it left Harrison's mental load. No, but it reduced my mental load. And I think that one of the things that I think has allowed us both to manage our mental loads very well is recognizing what is on the other person's mental load. And that way we can play into it. And so like when you need like the food, for example, when you need me to go to the store and get stuff or when I need help with Tate in the mornings or at night.

34:39Yeah. Like I feel like, you know, obviously we're always trying to, you know, make our relationship better and improve it as happy as we are. And I just want to put a caveat in like our relationship isn't perfect. No, we're human. We do some things right. And I think that our approach to reducing our other partner's mental load is quite good. But that all starts with knowing what it is. You have, yes, naming the mental load. We each have a mental load. Okay. I also meant by knowing what's on your partner's mental load. Oh, well, you did a good job after Dr. Cutlip explained the mental load to us, which it's a term a lot of people know.

35:18I don't know how you and I didn't know it. but once we learned about the mental load we got back because we interviewed her in orange county we got back to to austin and i was doing something and you said oh so that's just that's something that sits in your mental load and i was like yes that sits in my mental load and so we just started naming things well let me ask you this because i got logged out of all bank accounts and you know me i haven't logged back in i like a lot i locked myself out of my venmo it's an old email do you now see how many people I pay because I've been having to text Harrison hey pay this Zelle account this much money Venmo this babysitter this much money absolutely and you pay a lot of people and I hope that you can appreciate the other side of that mental load of managing the finances of the family I do appreciate it because I have no idea how it's going but one thing that's happening in my mental load right now I don't know if you've paid the people I've texted you about.

36:18Yeah, the way I typically work is if it's via text message, I'll deal with it at the end of the day. Oh, that just stresses me out. Because the way I work is if I send it off, it leaves my brain. Yeah, everything just builds up. Yeah, just, man. Okay, mental load. All right. um how do you handle parenting style disagreements so we haven't had many yet it's i would say we're because i don't think there's that many to make in the first year of one's life so we don't have too many disagreements yet because bubs she's 13 months old and so we've just been in sync so far we're gonna have them right but one area that we've decided is one no is a no so if one parent decides that's a no, it's a no.

37:09For example, the other day, you can open our pantry and pull out the popcorn and things like that. And Bubz was over there doing it, and Harrison walked up the stairs, and he was like, oh, I told her no, she can't go in there. And I was like, then it's a no. So I went and I picked her up. I closed the cabinets, and I was like, no, Bubz. So now I know pantry's a no zone. Because it would also do her a disservice if you said no, but I said yes. Like, we can't start the pit mom versus dad early. So it's just like, at the neighbor's house, she can't open the fridge and that's a no. But do you know why the pantry's a no?