The death of hosting, revisiting childhood hobbies & what do you do if your kid gets hit?!

0:00The following podcast is a dear media production. Okay, I'm going to go. I have a lot of things. I have a lot of things on my mind this morning. Okay. Is that exciting? Yeah. Yeah. So the first thing on my mind, and this is for you, Alex, do you know the first like stereotypical mom moment you had where you just self-reflected and like, oh, like I am a mom. Like I'm just such a mom right now. Are you asking me or are you telling me? I'm asking you. H, I have thought it, I think it four or five times a day. Like yesterday when I was walking out the door with Tate's tutu and I had packed her her pizza and banana and I was going to get her for gymnastics.

0:43I was just like, I'm just a mother. Yeah. Why? Did you have a moment? I was outside this morning. We're doing phase two of the yard. And so we had the plumber there, the electrician there. and like I'm just out there wearing these short short workout stuff like with bobber in my hand like I'm just I feel like I'm my dad right now yeah I just I felt like yeah I felt like him do you know when I think so my mom before like church or before if she went out to dinner I always used to think she looked so pretty right and she did look so pretty and she would have her heels on and I remember hearing like specifically before church do I remember her like walking around and me hearing her heels and looking at her just being like you're so pretty and i thought about how i was clonking my heels before the dear media event yeah and then tate went in our room and was putting on all my heels and i was like i hope she remembers the sound of the clonks oh that's so cute that's very cute wait i have two quick things okay one i think if i was listening i'd be like why the heck is alex sitting in that spot i couldn't move forward until i knew okay i appreciate that also Jules your hair looks amazing oh thank you this is the better seat it's a way better seat this is it right here should I get a mirror so that I can look at the mirror that then goes to Jules perfect sure that's a great idea okay well Jules has a very big trip coming up but that's not why Alex is sitting in the seat it is because we want to make sure that we keep Alex is feeling a little down and we want to keep some distance we're social distancing yeah yeah we're just we're doing way more than the six feet rule just to make sure but yeah Alex is going back to bed after this and I cannot wait um I had just the gnarliest chills and like I was all over the map yesterday but if I'm gonna have a fever I would rather be cold than hot because if I'm cold I turn on the heating pad and I put my robe on and I get under the covers and I'm happy but if I'm hot I hate it like I can't because then I can't get cold yeah so that sucks okay so I'm sitting over here because I'm so this is the furthest seat away from everybody And my second thing was someone, I think someone DMed this to us, but I thought it was very sweet.

2:56And, well, one, they said they appreciate that Alex can look all glam and beautiful, but also can just, like, not wear makeup. And it makes them feel more seen as a mother. That is so nice. And then another DM said that when you are putting makeup on in front of your daughter, that you should say that mom is getting fancy, not mom is like getting pretty or beautiful because everyone's beautiful with or without makeup. And I thought saying fancy was very cute. Very, very, very good practice. I'm obsessed with that. Fancy time. Fancy time. And sometimes Tate. So I wonder what this person thinks about this.

3:43because I've noticed this, but like she loves her outfits. So she'll be so proud of her blue striped dress she puts on and she'll come in and she'll twirl for us and she'll be like, mama, look, dad, I look. Like yesterday when she got home from dance and she was wearing... She was wearing pee. She was wearing the... Her tutu. She was like, I didn't go to dance and she ran and, dad, I look, dad, I look, dad, I look. And we're just pointing at her tutu. She was so proud of her outfit. And you know what? She tried harder in dance class. she was like really because everyone else wears the leotard and the tutus i was always like i'm just i'm gonna buy them one day but i don't know when then p gave us one she was so proud she was so proud to be wearing it but when she comes and shows us her outfits i always say oh how pretty and i never knew and every time i say it i'm like but you're always pretty like it doesn't have to boil down to what you're wearing yeah you look so fancy is what you should be saying but sometimes but then but she doesn't look fancy sometimes she just looks adorable you always look nice she always looks adorable i know something to think about so yeah i guess that's the question what do you what do you say in that scenario but i guess that's the question to the girl who dm does the fancy i do love the makeup mom's getting fancy yeah that is precious okay welcome back to another episode i think fancy works for the clothes too sorry i think fancy works for the clothes too you look so fancy okay one more time it's like trendy quick pause over there okay welcome back to another episode of two parents in a podcast i do i think fancy works for the clothes but i don't know it's also nice to stay pretty but not with the makeup i do agree on the makeup um i'm gonna break a prop bake break break a break a podcast rule okay we need to talk about the weather oh here's why we need to talk about the weather no I can't I'm concerned I'm concerned have you seen this rain situation coming through Texas well Jules is getting out of Dodge that's not her problem Jules is getting out of Dodge in the thick of it okay number one number two is we're supposed to drive to Dallas to the stockyards on Saturday are we going to be able to drive in the thunder in like a big rainstorm yes last time we drove to dallas it the rain was so bad we all slowed down and put our hazards on and we made it okay so you're comfortable we just like vancouver is such a weird place because while we have rain all the time we never have hard rain so when it rains harder i just i'm not not great behind the wheel i was happy to wake up to rain last night because it hasn't rained here in a century It did not rain last night.

6:24Oh, yeah, it did. And I, as an apartment lover, I'm not paying attention to grass very much. Right. But all of the grass in my apartment is dead. So I'm appreciative of the rain. I agree. I could have used some rain as well. Now, on the topic of weather and rain and what we did this week. Sorry, that was the worst transition. It was. Where are you going? To Jules's itinerary? I'm going to, I'm going to padel. Okay. I'm going to padel. What did you think? So we did our first padel lesson. We committed to four. What did you think? Kicked my butt. I was drenched in sweat. Trenched. I'm sore, but it's really fun because it's physically challenging, but they always, they say this about tennis too.

7:13It's mentally challenging, which I love. So it's a really good timeless sport that we can play forever. So yeah, I'm really into it. And I think that it's going to catch on More and more people are going to be playing Okay, and when is the next time we're going to play That isn't a lesson? Well, you had proposed Thursday You think you're going to be ready for Thursday? Maybe not I was going to retread Thursday I was going to ask Neighbor T To play Thursday morning You can play in the single chord I love a morning slot Yeah. That's a great idea. Yeah. I really want to hear about Jules' trip. Okay.

7:55So, Jules, we need the full itinerary. I think you guys are just going to be like sorely upset. Okay. I'm not. I don't go to Europe very often. But we have nothing planned. Oh. We're just like, we have our flights and we have our hotels and that's it. Okay. Well, tell us what you have planned and then the listeners can help you out. Oh, yeah. Maybe they can tell me places to go. We have a wedding. I feel like I maybe said that. I have a wedding and the welcome party is the first day that I get there. So welcome party, wedding. What's the thing? The next day. Like a little farewell brunch? A little farewell brunch?

8:32What? Are you not going to see where the wedding is? It's 40 minutes outside of Florence. Okay. So where are you flying? Come on. What are you flying into? Give us the. Well, I'm flying into Milan because. Zoe made her. Zoe made me fly into Milan. Okay. Because something with points or something. of the sort. Valid. Yeah, but like... Valid. I crave efficiency in travel and like flying to Milan to then drive to Florence. How long do we have Milan? Zero time. They get on the train. We get on a train or perhaps we're renting a car. Oh! Okay. Like we don't know. This is tomorrow. So no time for Milan suggestion?

9:10No, but I've been to Milan before. Okay. Hannah and Chad would have Milan suggestions. I'm really worried about this. Like just we're not sure how we're getting from Milan to Florence. Okay. But why? It's a nothing burger. Okay, great. It'll all work out. It will. The day. Okay, so we train or drive to? Then we're driving straight to the wedding venue, which is our wedding. From there? Yeah. What time do you land? Like 9 a.m. And what time do you leave the wedding venue? 6 p.m. Okay. How far apart it is? Two hours. Okay. We'll be chill. No time for error. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of time for error.

9:47It's a couple hours. It's six puffers. I don't know. I'm just not stressed. And whatever. If we don't get to the welcome party, I suppose we don't get to the welcome party and no one dies. Then the wedding, then the send-off. Then we're going to Florence for two to potentially three days. Then we're going to Santa Margarita. Which is what? It's right north of Portofino. I'm trying to get this on a map here. Okay. Okay. So we're Florence, Italy. All right. I think Portofino is kind of like where - That's where all the people go. That's where everyone's going these days. All the cool kids. So we're going from Florence to Portofino.

10:27Sorry. I got to map this. I need to know where we are. Okay. Florence to Santa Margarita. The home of, can you guess? Give us a hint. Santa Margarita. Margarita. Margarita. The Margarita Pizza. That's where Margarita Pizza was invented. Are you going to get one? Of course. Is there a certain spot we're supposed to go to get one? No, I mean, if there is, I don't know it. Also, I have a hilarious comment. And then I think that they're also known for like a pesto lime. Who would have thought that you could invent something as great as the margarita pizza, but it would be the second best margarita invention ever?

11:09Why did they call it the margarita pizza? I think because it was created in Santa Margarita. You are really having a Euro trip here. yep and then from there we're going to the south of france jules why did i think that this was like an in and out wedding situation i'm going for 10 days did jules not sell this to us as like i'm going there for a wedding and coming back well what's funny is jules isn't even the first one to tell me the neighbors were no i told you guys wait hold on i was i was definitely told that we You were, this was like a wedding there and back situation. The neighbors were like, oh, so far you're going to Santa Marguerite after on the way back to the airport.

11:51It's like, no, no, you're going to another country? It's going to a lot of countries. I told you guys like, I think in July that I was leaving for 10 days to go to Europe. I don't doubt, Jules, that the way you handled it was above board. I know you told us the day count. I 100 % know you told us the day count. I also believe it was positioned as I'm going for a wedding. I am. She is. no you're going on vacation and there's a wedding there like you're going on vacation what was i going to a 10-day wedding i thought there could have been like a pre-wedding bachelorette thing and here's my question would you be going to europe if there was no wedding no yes no we just learned no no no just no by the south of france on our way home santa margarita i'm going jenny No, no, leaving her at home.

12:42Poor Jenny. Jenny doesn't get a vacation. Imagine. No. What was I supposed to go for three days and then leave? What a waste of a flight. What a waste of a flight and what a waste of all the time and energy to get over there. And you're flying through New York. Yeah. The minor hack that I have learned is flying to Europe through New York via Austin. From Austin, that is the best route. I don't know if that's a hack. Yeah, that's just. No, some people I try and do through Dallas. Or Atlanta. Or Atlanta. It is... Miami. Miami. Really? I haven't heard of that one. I don't know. I hear a lot of Dallas and I hear a lot of Atlanta.

13:19And the flight prices are just not nearly as good as New York. Well, I wanted Zoe to join me at JFK. And she was like, no. Why? Because of the points. She's a points maxer, apparently. But I don't get it. So you're both flying to Milan? We're flying separately to Milan. Oh, wow. You should have just flown to Florence. I know. But then what? She just has to figure her own way. No, it's a very good friend of you. And we love Zoe. And so we do not want to do that to Zoe. And it's just like, also, I don't care. It's like, well, we'll get there. When we get there, we'll have fun. Can you at least have a meal in Milan?

13:58It kind of is crazy to go to Milan and not have a meal. No, but I think you and your best friend trying to figure out how to get from Milan to Florence is fun. Have I ever told you how I define whether or not you've been to a place? Yes. and how do you do that Jules if you've had a meal there no okay never mind it is one memorable experience outside of the airport so you need to be able to talk about one thing you did in that place that isn't in the airport oh I've been to Reno Nevada okay what'd you do I went to a casino that's a great that's a perfect example of if you land somewhere and you leave the airport go pull the casino down then I drove across the border because Lake Tahoe is also up there at a volleyball tournament in Reno.

14:42Okay. Okay. Well, and I'm excited. I think people put a lot of pressure on themselves to do a lot of things when they go on vacation. So what I'm - No pressure other than you're going to six cities. No. We're going to three locations. Milan, Florence, Santa Margarita, the place on the - Portofino. Portofino, south of France. and then where are you flying out of? Nice. Nice. So six. You're going to six places. Yeah, but I'm not going to Milan or Nice. And I've been to both. So like I don't need to go. Okay. So you're going to wake up every day. It sounds like a lovely trip. I'm just pulling you like it.

15:22So you're going to wake up every day. Yep. And is Zoe going to all these places with you? Yes. So fun. Okay. And her mom's coming. What? And Nori's not going? Oh, don't. That's a sore subject for her. Did Nori want to come? Of course she wants to come. we just have a lot going on okay on the home front okay so nori's unable to come yeah so zoe's mom is coming at the end of the trip okay and nori was invited but it's not in the cards right now okay and that's okay yeah so you're gonna wake up every day and like text zoe and be like do you want to what do you want to do and like you're gonna go get a coffee and walk around i love that yeah and we just like we each have a thing or like a food or like a something that we would like to do in the city.

16:03And if it happens at some point in the three days that we're in that city, that's perfect. I love, I like this. Okay, guys, this episode is sponsored by Honest. Before Tate was born, someone gifted us a few Honest products off of our registry. And it's one of those brands that actually stuck. And we love so much. Now that we have Rocky too, it's a brand we trust for both of our kids. We've talked about this, but when you have kids, you put so much extra thought into what touches their bodies, especially when it's happening multiple times a day. Wipes after every meal, every sticky little hand and Tate's too.

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18:19And at that price, you stop asking yourself, do I really need new glasses? And you start saying, why wouldn't I just get a few pairs? That scratched up pair has done its job. Upgrade today with Zinni. Go to zinni.com slash podcast and use code podcast 15 for 15 % off your first order plus free shipping on all US orders over$65. The styles sell out, so don't sit on it. That's z-e-n-n-i.com slash podcast promo code podcast 15. All righty. So, um, you know what I know Alex wants to talk about? What? Alex wants to talk about Rocketman's sleep. My buddy. He's so cute. Because he's out of the snow. He's out of the snow.

19:01Yeah. A lot of questions about this new transition. So Rocketman, two days ago, I decided we're just, we're putting him in his crib. What we did leading up to that though, because I think there's a lot of discourse around how do you get a baby out of a snoo? We did put his armies out for three weeks and he started doing crib naps, but he's done crib naps for forever. Yeah, the crib naps, like, I think, I don't think the crib naps were intentional. Well, no, the crib naps were definitely intentional. You know, because he was napping in the Moses, he's been napping in the Moses basket forever. From the day he's been born, he's been napping in the Moses basket.

19:41Exactly, but that's intentional for him to not nap in the snoo every single time. Because it's really good to make sure a baby can sleep not in the snoo if you're going to transition them out. I was delineating that it wasn't part of the snoo transition. No, but if you're going to transition your baby out of the snoo, take their arms out and start having them nap in the crib. That will help a ton. The other thing is we always just keep the snoo in weaning mode. From the start. From the start. I'm sorry. We don't keep it in weaning mode. What's weaning mode? Yes, we do. We don't. I think you'll find that we do.

20:15I'm going to pull it up. As the snooze setter-upper, we don't. It's not on weaning mode. And it wasn't for bubber either. Turns off the continuous baseline rocking motion so the bassinet stays still while white noise continues, only activating motion if the baby cries. Yeah, we're not in weaning mode. Yeah, we never do that. We just do the standard one. Sweathing. The standard mode. Okay. so I gotta redo that I gotta not a redo that but I gotta tell you guys I gotta fix my did we not do that with Tate? nope I stand corrected we were not in weaning mode Tate I'm pretty sure we just pulled turkey one day from the snoo to the crib we did armies out for her we did do armies out and we did crib naps we done the same with rocket man so you know what guys we never put it on weaning mode we never went on weaning mode and we just ripped him out of it He loves his crib.

21:11He loves his sleep sack. And he definitely like last night tried. And then we've also moved up his bedtime. Because as you heard, I talked to Dr. Brown about when he didn't move up his bedtime. We've done it. He's going to bed at eight now. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's just naturally, he's tired. Or he's waking up. Yeah, he is not staying asleep. Last night he woke up around at midnight. That's four hours. That's pretty good. Yeah, he's too good. Yeah, and then he gets up around four or five. So it's not terrible. But listen, I think it's going to get better the more he understands. Like the first night he was in the crib, I think he got really scared two hours in.

21:53And he was crying a lot. And so I went and got him and calmed him down and told him everything was okay. And then he was able to sleep more. Yeah, the other piece to it is, I feel like when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he's really tired. He is. He can hardly keep his eyes open. And whenever I give him a bottle, he just cuddles with me. So we're going to, I always use the word emancipate. But what's the word? Where you foresee the positive coming? Manifest. Where we're going to manifest his continued very good sleeping. He is. We're going to emancipate it. Bubber and him last night, Rocky was laying down.

22:32And she was hugging him. She wanted to hold him. Then she started jumping over him. she was having so much fun she's really trying to find the balance of how hard she can play with him before like it hurts him and so that's a really that's a really special thing to watch because she really understands like hey if i land on him too hard if i put like that it hurts him and it's bad and he cries so but she's also trying to figure out how do i have fun with him and so it's it's really cool to watch her her navigate that i ask i really like i'm growing to trust her obviously i'm watching her or we're watching her but i feel like she has a good feel for it but i asked her last night i said do you have do you love rocky yeah and then yes and then we went they're all the people that we love and then i said do you have a best friend she said yeah i said who when she said rocky i don't know if she understands what it means but maybe I know I as much as I want to think she understands what that means I unfortunately do not think she does at this point aww yeah she also said one point now now that would make sense okay she's so little okay so someone's going on with Tate alright she it's the second time this week wired at night she went to bed at 10 last night and I'm wondering if this is a thing that anybody else has experienced.

24:04Now I know whenever toddlers get old enough to understand that they're missing out on things, they don't want to go to bed as much and I'm not so sure that this is a coincidence that we move Rocky to his crib and he's crying a bit more before bed and her room's right across the hall and she's already in bed that she gets FOMO and wakes up. I'm not sure, but she's waking up and she's wide awake and she wants to play and she wants to do all these things um and she's awake until about 10. and did she come back in the bed yeah oh yeah but we love her so do you think you're creating a habit now now i want the people to weigh in are we so i think i i thought that she learned i thought she figured out she loves to cuddle.

24:56So I thought that she figured out if it's like, oh, wow, if I don't want to go to bed at this moment and I just yell cuddle, they're going to come get me and I'll cuddle. I thought I figured, I thought that's what was happening. But then you called out a great point is our air conditioning isn't very efficient right now. We like have some like thing going on that's going to take them three to five days to order the new piece and three to five days to come in and so our house is running hot and so i think what's happening is i think that she's in her room and she's not as comfy as she normally is and so that's why she doesn't want to be in it and that's why she wants to cuddle because i do think our room is and so we we put a fan in it in there last night and she and then after we put the fan back in she she went to sleep in there so i think that may be what's going on it's just there's a couple factors that could be at play here yeah yeah but i love i gotta say i love when she comes and gets in our bed um all right so talk me through this handshake situation okay so boys greeting boys is something that boys have to think about but girls do not have to think about and this is what my friend olivia voice said to me yesterday okay she's like i was thinking about this um her and her husband kyle were talking about it so his point is whenever guys see guys and they dap up or they handshake or they do like the the hug the slap you know i'm talking about they like slap each other's back it's not like a real hug do you know what i'm saying what i call what do you call that a back slap embrace a bro hug a bro hug yeah he's saying you know girls don't really have to think about how you greet each other but for guys it kind of boils down to it's it's like geographical you know like sometimes maybe in vancouver they're doing like a handshake or they're doing knucks or they're doing like this this thing that that thing adapt adapt they're dapping each other up or handshaking is a bit more formal yeah keep going i have a lot to say here okay so what do you think about this i think that that i definitely have a like i have a method that i follow which is what I don't dab.

27:08Sorry. So, uh, so here's what I do. Okay. If you're like a friend, then generally speaking, you're always just going to get a pound. Okay. Okay. And the reason why I do that is because guys' handshakes are also different. Like actual handshakes? No, guys like, what's up? Handshakes are also different. The dabs. I hate nothing more than an awkward dab. that's what he's saying he hate he's like it can be so awkward if you don't know how to do what they're planning on doing exactly so i always default when i walk into a room like if you see and it's funny i do this with like my closest friends like if you walk in you see like how do i say what's up to like nick and chad and and uh it's typically just that because but the same guys that like i know once or twice met once or twice it's kind of the same thing you're not gonna Now, if it's more formal in any sense, I'm a strong handshake guy.

28:06Okay. So you're doing nucks or a handshake? Yes. But on the departure with the inner circle of guys, we do do hugs. You do? Yeah. You're hugging them by. if they're like now i gotta suppose that if if more than three drinks are consumed then we're typically hugging goodbye like at the barbecue on sunday yeah everyone hugged goodbye oh yeah but like sober yeah i'm probably just knocking out but what i'm not what i'm not doing a lot of that it just it doesn't flow it doesn't work so you're agreeing with what he's saying of Like it's awkward because this dab is like there's a million different ways to do it.

28:53So you're going in with the nook to just get rid of it. Always. What if someone turkeyed you? Which is what? I go so – So I'm going to give you a good one. Which is palm to fist. Yeah, turkey. Or like park the car. Dead. You didn't do that when you were a kid? I did turkey. I just – I go so – Like I know that I'm going to do this. Yeah, but so I think if I'm your friend, I'm going to just start turkeying you. That's so funny. I'm all good with that. It's not like my closest friends that I'm concerned about. It's the people that I've only met a couple times. That's what he's saying. It's awkward.

29:28But it's not. You just go and you start early. But it can be awkward, which is why you start it early. Yeah. That's why I have a game plan to this. So I was thinking like, okay, what's the girl's equivalent to this? Hold on. I need to double tap on that. Double tap on it. If I wait, then I'm screwed. that's exactly the point so i see you and right when i see you i i'm like walking like this we are fist bumping all to avoid the awkwardness of what dap we're doing yeah what handshake like situation yeah it's just it's really not universal for guys so neighbor t and i we i'm as i think about this we don't do anything this was my point i have some friends who were doing nothing like caroline she does not want to hug we don't even recognize each other's existence yeah you're just like hey but i but the girl girls we don't have the equivalent of like a dab of anything like that it's just you're either hugging or you're not that's it or handshaking in like a work sense sometimes yes but in a social setting you're either hugging or you're nothing yeah or nothing or you're just saying hey so i think this is kind of good subject matter community to what is one of my favorite topics that has come up in a very long time if i can if i can move forward to yes please okay so the other day we were asked about uh like part of the ways that we build such a strong community right and there's this tweet from uh i guess his name is dk thompson derrick thompson and the tweet speaks to that monthly hosting has collapsed from 42 % of Americans in 1975 to 12 % in 2026.

31:24So hosting at your house has essentially died. And what I realized in reading that is how much hosting we do and how bonding hosting is. All right, so he gives a few different reasons as to why hosting is down 70 % since 1975. He says that dual earner households are too harried. Busy. Is harried a word? Yeah. Well, no, that was a typo. Both parents working means neither is time to plan a party. I'm going to address that. Intensive parenting eats the calendar. Mom spends 200 more minutes a week with their kids than in 1975. Dad's even more. Nothing left over for dinner parties. I got a great response to that.

32:16Friend groups are shrinking, especially for people without a college degree and unmarried people. Home is too good now. Netflix, TikTok, DoorDash, endless entertainment. Nobody has to invite anyone over to not be bored. We built a world in which being alone has never been easier, more comfortable and more fun. And then we wonder why everybody stopped coming over. Here's my point. Hosting does not need to be complicated. Okay. Walk us through it. What we learned, as obvious as it may be, or frankly, maybe it's not obvious, you don't need to cook some fancy extravagant dish. On Monday, we decided we wanted burgers, and we texted a couple different people saying, hey, we're having burgers tonight.

33:04Do you want to come over? It wasn't fancy and it wasn't planned in advance. Some people said yes. Other people said no. So that's my point of don't overcomplicate the hosting. The food doesn't need to be fancy and it doesn't need to be planned long in advance. I agree. Same thing. On Sunday, we were hosted. All right. They did a phenomenal job hosting. How far in advance did that come together? I found out about the day before. A couple of days. But what they did was they just scheduled a DoorDash arrival of food. And boom, they DoorDashed the food. And the food was phenomenal that they got. But like they have two kids.

33:42They don't have help. Like, but they realized they don't need to cook a big meal. They don't need to serve it on. I would argue at this age, at our kids age, hosting, everyone wants to go to someone's house. Like that's the invite. I get really excited when someone invites us over because I'm like, great, we can put all the kids out there and we can hang out. I would take it as far to say this isn't our era of cooking and hosting because then you're cleaning, you're trying to time the meal. It's a mess. It can just be pizza. It can just be pizza. And that was my point on the intensive parenting needs to the calendar.

34:19One of the funnest ways to parent is with other parents. Oh, yes. So that's what I encourage folks. I encourage folks, you don't need to plan it far in advance. and you don't need to, or this is what I encourage at least parents around hosting. You don't need to plan a fire in advance and the food doesn't need to be fancy. There just needs to be food. And if you don't want to cook it, which I would recommend not cooking it, then do it. Well, I think letting go of perfection around it and you going first sends the message to everyone in the right way. So for example, we've set the precedent like, it's not going to be fancy at our house.