[UNRELEASED EPISODE] We recorded everything we were feeling the night before birth

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0:38You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast. You guys, today is maybe the best episode we've had. Not like the best, but the most interesting. It's the first time we've done anything like this. Yes, that's what it is. It's one of a kind. So, as we mentioned last week, before we had Tate, and this week is Tate's first birthday, so it's one year of us being parents.

1:24before we had her the night before I was induced, we went in the studio and we recorded like an episode to ourselves. And that's what you're about to hear. And it's got a bit of everything. Yeah, we just talked about how we're feeling, reflect on the nine months prior, make some predictions about the year ahead. I think one of the funniest things is we talked about whether or not Tate would end up on social media. Um, don't spoil anything, but yeah, it's, yeah. I hope that, that y 'all y 'all enjoy. Yeah. Enjoy it. So I guess without further ado, let's, let's start it. Amazing how much things have changed.

2:07Tomorrow. Everything changes for Harrison and I, because our little baby is going to be born. Well, I don't know if she'd be born tomorrow, but she can be on her way tomorrow. and so this is what one thing that harris and i wanted to do was record tonight and have like a very raw sweet episode about how we're feeling so we'll start kind of talking about first trimester and things that we wish we knew then and then we'll kick start it to today but i think my first question for you soon to be dad is how are you feeling well i'm gonna need to throw that right back at you and ask you, how are you feeling?

2:52I feel appropriately anxious. I think if there's any time in your life to be anxious, it's let it be today, the day before you give birth. Um, but ready, you know, not so anxious that I'm scared, but I'm, I'm ready for it. And I'm excited. Like excitement is the biggest trend of the last week for me. I feel like, um, excitement. I want to, I can't wait to hold her. I can't wait to see her, but all that, you know, all of that excitement as we installed the car seat today, as I go and I look at, you know, what do I want her to wear her first week? As I look at the diaper bag and all that, like all that excitement does have right in front of it, like you got to get her here, you know?

3:41And so there's that looming on my mind but it's it's an indescribable feeling the day before you go in to have a baby because everything changes when you have a baby what about you how do you feel like to what you said like i'm i'm ready i feel really ready and i get how much will change but i feel like having a kid is one of the biggest moments of life but i feel like all of the work the hard work of the past 35 years has, you know, led up to this point, which then hopefully set the best environment for you to bring a newborn child into this world. You know, I'm, I'm excited. It's, I'm excited for that next chapter to begin.

4:29I'm thrilled for that next chapter to begin. And importantly, I'm really, really ready for it. I think that's one thing that you and I keep talking about is we both, when we met, we had that in common of like, we both wanted to start a family and we had done in life a lot of the things we wanted to do and lived a lot of life. And it was like the next thing we really wanted was that fit, that sweet family raising kids. And it's crazy that it's here. It's crazy. I mean, I, if I had a dollar for every time this past week, I just looked, you know, it's like, and we're going to have like a little child.

5:13It feels really surreal. But I also think, I also think we're just, it's starting to feel like we're missing the third person. you know like that's how I think you know you're ready is it's like well well now we're so ready for her we need the third we need the little thing here yeah and and it's it's really like just it's taken part in how we think how like we talk daily and plan daily and it's like how great would this you know restaurant be for kids how great would this activity be with kids oh she's you know she'd be too young to do this or so on and so forth so yeah like it's it's time and it's going to be the greatest i think it's going to be the greatest joy of our life yet and and listen up until this point you and i just kind of live for ourselves so i'm very ready for the family aspect to kick in for you and i and i i have been really proud of us for how we prepared for it um but i think it's going to be it's going to be the best chapter Does tonight remind you of anything?

6:19Does the process of going through today and what you think your mindset will be going to bed tonight remind you of anything? Yes. I have felt this feeling a couple times. I've thought about that. That's so funny. I guess you must be feeling it too. High school before any state volleyball tournament I had or any big – because I played club volleyball too. So like any big thing like that. Not the night before a test. but any big event in my life it reminds yeah it very much so feels like that except the only thing is this one feels like it changes our life forever it feels like that on steroids have you ever been excited for something yeah of course like i was excited for my 30th birthday party i don't know random example but the most recent one you know yeah and it's like that i was like oh that you're a trip you're so excited for like a big trip or something and like you're excited the day before this is that times it's that times a thousand except i know i have to wake up tomorrow and get hit in the face first so that's the problem it's not like i'm getting on the flight and having a mimosa i'm like okay well it could be somebody commented on my tiktok and said they had a 68 hour labor so we're you know worst case scenario i'm in this thing for a while yeah ever feel like you're running on empty, staring at your screen, hitting that afternoon crash and debating getting another coffee or energy drink, you know, you'll end up regretting.

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10:29The summer camp analogy is the most spot on that's been thrown out in this room yet. Because I also went to overnight summer camp and it was the best feeling on the planet. But it also was coupled with anxiety, like leaving your parents, the bus ride are you gonna have good counselors that's a great one there is something very childlike about this yeah there i don't i don't know how to describe it but it is and everyone keeps i'm getting two types of messages one of just like being a parent is the best which is so comforting and like exciting because people are saying like you you can't possibly imagine and then the other message we're getting is like everything changes you don't know what's coming and those are people closer to us they're saying like you listen your life is going to change forever yeah and i and and i know that there's no way to describe it like we just come what may that's all we can do yeah i liked what a friend of mine said yesterday though which was um he's like a lot of people think about the pregnancy process is like you know you're counting down the days to the kid to the kid comes and like looking at that as the end but like that really is just the beginning um and yeah I'm just like so excited for that next chapter to start yeah same so how do you feel now about me scheduling an induction versus just having her whenever she decides to come yeah I think that like it goes back to you like how do you feel about the induction now the day before?

12:10I'm so happy we scheduled the induction because I needed an end date. And I know it's not for everyone, but for me mentally, it's been, and we've talked about it day in and day out. Just like we had five, four, three, two, one days left to go get everything ready. I knew like we could have our family come in town. Like it was such a weight off not having the question mark of if the water will break. And listen, I'm starting to get more uncomfortable. But I can bear that uncomfortability knowing that it ends tomorrow. Like it's for me, it's peace of mind. It's been my mental stay is so much happier.

12:49I'm excited. Like I love, I'm an induction person. Yeah. Obviously, I think the best part about it has definitely been the positive impact it's had on you and your mental health. I think in addition to that, there's been also a lot of other amazing benefits. Just like from, you know, a planning perspective with like family. Funny enough, I just got a text from my mom, like literally right now. And she's like, just landed in Houston, three hour layover, going for a beer and we'll watch Chiefs game. Call if you want to talk about labor or anything. XO mom. So she, you know, in Vancouver. We can confirm you are her son.

13:39Yeah. She likes that. XO mom. But like, you know, for her, she can plan in. and the rest of the family's flying in tomorrow. And things like getting the pregnancy bag ready and planning around work, like being able to get, in addition to your mental state, all the other ducks in a row has been, I think, just a great experience. And then beyond that, as we went through that digital pre-birth class, not the class we took yesterday, but like the one that you watch online. Like I just think about the two of us trying to like figure out if you were actually in labor and like counting between the...

14:24Contractions. The contractions. And like, I just feel like that's a nice thing for us to not have to navigate. But once again, like this is obviously, you know, your call and your state and your health most important thing. But the knock-on effect's great. And I don't really understand why it's so controversial, but I guess it is. Well, some people just – So I'm glad a male just ranted on some controversial woman's issue. No, no, no, no, not at all because it does impact you too. Like today, it's like we have to put the car seat in the car because we can't show up to the hospital with the box of the car seat.

15:00Like the car seat has to be in the car. And some of my friends are messaging me and they're like practice taking the car seat in and out of the car a lot because we look like an idiot in the valet line. Multiple of my friends messaged me that and I was like, oh, okay. But it's kind of crazy, like an end date of like, go to the store, get the rest of the diaper cream, you know? So I don't know. I love it. It just totally fits our personality for me to be induced. For sure. That's all there is to it. But yeah, you and I love, we would have loved if my water broke at 36 weeks too. Like we don't mind a little chaos, but.

15:34Yeah. Well, here we are. Yeah. So yeah, go ahead. Everybody loves Everplate and there's a reason for that, you guys, because eating good should not be some massive chore. If you think you have to spend big bucks or tons of time in the kitchen to make delicious food at home, think again. When you use Everplate, you get restaurant-level deliciousness week after week delivered to your door. Think recipes like crispy buffalo ranch chicken and cheesy Mexican street corn hash. My mouth is watering just saying that. and you'll spend less on these flavor-packed homemade meals than you would on normal groceries or at a restaurant.

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16:51That's everyplate.com slash podcast and use code 2PARENTS199. If you flash back to the beginning of pregnancy, what is one piece of advice you would tell yourself? Well, first of all, I would just hug that girl because I was so hard on myself with, I'm a structured person. I worked out every day. I started, I opened my laptop at a certain time. I was pretty regimented. And when I got pregnant, all of that flew out the window. And I was like, my mental state was fighting with my physical state. My physical state was winning, which typically my mental can overcome. And for the first time in my life, I found myself.

17:30I remember there was a Friday where I could not get out of bed. I don't know if you remember it. And I slept the entire day. And I just wish I could tell myself, like, get rid of structure and don't have any expectations of yourself because, like, this isn't about you right now. Like, I was growing. I was starting to grow an actual human. And, like, she was taking things from my body to nourish herself. And I was really hard on myself and really mean to myself, really mean to myself. and it caused me to get down on myself. And so I wish I could just go back and say, like, relax. You are that hungry at 4 a.m.

18:08Like, I would wake you up and be like, if I don't have eggs and toast, I'm going to start throwing up. And all that was very real. And it was just like, I wish I accepted it with a lot more kindness instead of being so hard on myself. But looking back, I just had no idea. And so I think it would be let go of structure and let go of expectations because you're doing something incredible and your body's truly doing it. And you've never felt anything like this. But it feels like somebody, some dude, you know, put in my, I put up like a questions box and he's like, do you feel like you've been pregnant for six years?

18:48Because I do. And I'm like, yes, random Brad. I do feel like I have been pregnant for 10 years. So it's funny thinking back to like New York. I mean, that feels like three years ago. A girl, this hit home, a friend messaged me today and she said, when the baby came out, I started crying because I was so happy. And then I started crying tears of joy that I was just no longer pregnant. And I thought that will be me. Just, it's like, I really feel like I'm happy. I'm so, listen, I want to have multiple kids, right? I already look back with rose covered goggles and I'm like, that wasn't that bad. But in it, you know, I want to call a spade a spade.

19:25it was hard on me. So it's just, it's really funny to think about the whole journey. But what, I know that you think these questions should all come to me because I'm the one like carrying the baby, but I do think it's just as important to have the male view. So what would you tell yourself as a partner back with the first kid, first trimester of pregnancy? I think the initial thing that comes to mind is like is much more tactical about our specific environment and situation. And that would be get to Austin and get to Austin ASAP and settle. And, you know, I have learned a lot through through your pregnancy and in terms of what, you know, are things to do in terms of being a supportive partner and what are things not to do.

20:19Um, and like a lot of things, you know, come, come to mind through that. But like, I really think a big one for us was like the whole between LA, New York, settling in New York, not liking it, having that time of uncertainty. And then like, it does feel that, you know, the day we really touched down here officially in Austin and settled, like, you know, things have, it feels like those have been the brightest days of your pregnancy. And so being able to pull those forward as fast as possible would have been something I tell myself. Yeah, I think having a stable environment during it. We lived in a hotel for like three months.

21:00And that was really hard because I think food made an impact. Not being able to be sick in your own bed I think does have an impact on you. There was so much unknown with the pregnancy. But then there was nothing stable because we didn't have a home base. For sure. Now, but like, I guess kind of building on that theme of, of things we would tell ourselves, like there's things we tell ourselves, but then there's other bigger picture learnings. Like what is one thing you would share to a woman who's about to embark on, on her pregnancy journey? I always say this come what may, but have the attitude of you have no idea what's about to happen.

21:38You have no idea how your body's going to react to it. However, I can promise you it will be and I don't even have the kid yet and I can say this it is the most worth it rewarding hard but truly rewarding and like I feel lucky to get to carry her does that make sense for sure like I walk around and I'm like wow I'm like blessed to be your mom and then I get to like walk around with this little because you feel her kicks and she wakes you up at night and you just think that's really cool that I get to do that but with that you have to have the mentality of like come what may my back might hurt really bad and it might put me in bed, but like really cool that my back hurts because I'm carrying this kid.

22:19So I think you just, I think having a really open heart around the whole process and feeling, feeling the emotion, you're gonna have emotional nights where you're just crying. You're just crying because that kid is going to be five years old one day and you can't handle it. So I think just really saying to yourself, anything that comes my way, I'm just going to take it in stride and take it with grace. Be nice to yourself. That's one thing I think. Okay, so if a dad, if a new dad calls you and says, hey man, we're expecting, what would you say? I would say this isn't your time. Oh. So identify what your partner needs and do everything you can to fill those needs because they're really doing all the hard work in this, both physically and emotionally.

23:13And so it's your job to be a supportive partner. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We turn to some funny places for support, but not everyone is a therapist. Not everyone is the one. Find your right match with BetterHelp. We've all done it before, turning to our barista, hairdresser, or random stranger in the bathroom for life advice. And as fun as they are to talk to about everyday topics when you're looking for help about relationships, anxiety, depression, or other clinical issues, they may not have all the right answers. Instead, get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with better help.

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24:22Better help is the world's largest online therapy platform. And it is so convenient you guys. So as the largest online therapy provider in the world, better help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10 % off their first month at betterhelp.com slash two parents. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash two parents. I think in this relationship, you know, one of those components was food, right? Like you, food was top of mind 24 seven and your cravings would swing from fried chicken on one end of the spectrum to – Queso now.

25:09Queso now to like a nice healthy grilled chicken salad. And so for me it was like owning my craft in the kitchen, which also like I think is going to pay dividends again because I've never cooked as much in my life as I have the past nine months. But yeah, like it's really not about you. It's about them. And so be the team player to fill the role that she needs from you. You made the cooking thing fun too. Like we would go to the store. Okay, Harrison developed this rule early on. And I was so impressed when you caught it because it wasn't store trip number one, but it was store trip number two.

25:53and I was like no we came here because we're making Mexican food tonight and you were like right but by the time we get home it could be Italian so what we're gonna do is we're gonna buy burger we bought like four or five different cuisines and we took it all home and by the time I was home one of those sounded good I had a baked potato and steak era and I ate that every day remember that wait can we can we quickly reflect on your food eras yeah let's do it so early on it was breakfast for every meal specifically eggs toast bacon turkey bacon turkey bacon oh and i would have like four or five pieces of turkey bacon and fried eggs and fried eggs and i would wake harrison up around 4 a.m and i would have my first batch and then i would go back to bed and then around 10 a.m i'd have another batch yeah and then usually for dinner i'd have another batch and then anytime we landed in the airport dunkin donuts was always open till like 3 a.m what would i get You would get the breakfast egg white sandwich with sausage.

26:53Yes, because I'd be so sick in the car. I'd have to eat that and then I'd feel better. And then what was Era 2? I think Era 2 was the baked potatoes. And? Steak. Yes. Yeah, and bacon bits, sour cream. No. What was the big issue with Era 2? What was it? You didn't realize that you weren't lactose intolerant anymore. and so we were on this quest to find baked potatoes in New York City that didn't have dairy in them and like that seemed to be an impossible feat and so we found that deli by your house that would that would just like do them custom for us yeah or they would just they would know they would put no butter on it and we'd put our own vegan butter on it but then then I realized yeah okay and then we that was the big foray into cooking because then we started making a bunch of the baked potatoes and i never made a baked potato before yeah and you used to you would make me like a really crispy baked potato oh and and when i when i hit these eras it's every night because if i found something if i ate it and i felt a little bit better i would eat it every night oh and then what was oh sprite i can i probably can't have a sprite till i die god yeah we had a sprite era big sprite big like four or five sprites a day yeah i was post-mating sprites um and then and then what was it and then like we started transitioning to more diverse food groups there was a steamed rice era oh yeah oops yeah there was a steamed rice for every meal um and then and then it was very much so like mexican was on the rotation for enchilada i had enchilada era yeah oh yeah the enchilada era was massive enchilada era was after chicken tender era yes and that one was really big because i i probably had an enchilada four or five times a week and because that was the austin that was when we got tossed in yep and i would we would try all the places around here we would go we'd eat eat the enchiladas and then i think like we normalized but the biggest player of pregnancy was when i was following the pregnancy i mean i still follow the pregnancy nutritionist and she said try to get some cottage cheese and And I thought, oh my God, cottage cheese hasn't sounded good in about 10 years.

29:06And so I ordered four jugs of lactose-free at the time cottage cheese. And I would just eat them like nonstop. And then we still tell the state. I mean, cottage cheese is in the family. That is the era that's going to exist in the future. Yeah, it will take it. It will stay tried and true. So those were the pregnancy craving eras. eras and you did a really good job of riding those waves with me and you made them fun so thank you yeah well you know some perks in there for me of the fried chicken arrow was fun for you yeah a lot of chicken tenders um other kind of pregnancy flashbacks any any biggest what's the biggest regret of a pregnancy so far you know i don't have one because i felt like i did my best at every turn.

29:56Really thinking back to the first trimester. I mean, there's days where you're sick and I feel like I just, I was sick on those days and the days that I had a little bit of energy, like I took that energy and I rode with it. So I truly, I have no regrets. I don't even wish I would have gone with the wallpaper over the paint. Okay. The run regret is I would have sized down on the painting that I painted her because I think scale wise is a little bit off. But other than that, like I don't have any regrets. I'm actually, I actually look back on the last nine months with like a lot of fondness and I feel like I learned a ton.

30:36And the only way to gain that kind of, I guess, perspective is going through it. But yeah, I mean, I can sit here and say confidently, like, no, I think we read the books we should have read. We went to the classes. I did the best I could with the way I was feeling. I don't wish, Some people say, oh, I, you know, there are some times in life where in my non-pregnant life, I would say, oh, I wish I would have just shown up to that event. Nope. I, I told you at one point, I said, every time I go to the events, I had to learn it about myself. It was very reversed from my real life, but I actually would regret it because I'd be so depleted.

31:12And so I have no, I have no regrets with the way I handled it. And I'm just really proud of myself. Do you have any regrets? No, I'm very proud of the way you handled it all. Even though the advice to myself would have been move to Austin out of the gates and settle right away, it isn't a regret we didn't do that because I think we had to go through our process. I think we had to spend time in those other cities. We had to learn what we liked. We had to learn what we didn't like. And that way, you know, it gave us the confidence, one, to move here. But, like, two, now we're here. We're not looking over our shoulders, like, wondering, like, what if it was Newport or what if it was Nashville?

31:51So, like, yeah, once again, like, I think the big thing, and, you know, probably we'll get repetitive through this episode, is, like, everyone's pregnancy journey, male and female, or sorry, female and male, is so different. And so like you just got to lean into lean into, you know, the specific cards that, you know, are thrown your your your partner's way. And yeah, I think that I'm. Yeah, ultimately, I'm just I'm proud of you and the way you handled it at the end of the day. The reason why I have no regrets is because I don't think we could have done anything different than would put that would put us in a better situation.

32:34than we are today. And I think, okay, so a lot of people messaged me that had moved in the middle of pregnancy because they understood the displacement you feel. And one thing that I really liked that you did for me, which was helpful was you gave me end dates. So you would say, we don't have a house right now. Okay. Cause we were, we were in the process of looking at the time, but you said we will decide by, it was July 10th, I think. So I, I at least had end dates in my head because I, I knew like it was too much for me to be able to narrow it down. So I think you giving me those finish lines was really helpful.