Wearing shoes in the house, birthday treats at school & is it ever OK to lie to your kids?!

0:28Mornings have a rhythm. Good energy in. Good energy out.

0:38Storm. Zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support. Storm. Energy for life. Ready? Yes. Welcome back to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast. I think what we're going to address right off the top here is... I thought you weren't going to notice. Harrison's laptop is open. There's a World Cup game on it. We're going to do a little closer doodles. little closer doodles there one thing that's really cute with tate is harrison and i call like an app snoozer doodles and the other day i said it to tate i was like are you gonna take a snoozer doodles and she was like nooser doodle like she tried to say it back it was so cute happy friday fam i'm gonna give this to you off the top what are you gonna give to me off the top i'm sorry an advance no i'm sorry for what i did something very annoying he did it was it's going to be our bicker of the week, but.

1:30There's no bicker. I did something that was annoying. Harrison loses his AirPods a lot, and that's okay. But he borrowed my AirPods, and he returned them dead, and I was going to the gym. Oh. And that was very sad for me. Very frustrating. Very sad for me. Very frustrating. But you know what's the most frustrating part of it? Not that you gave me the AirPods dead. I'm fine with that. Obviously, I didn't know they were dead. Of course not. Yeah. The worst part about it is I, at the beginning of this year, got you two pairs of AirPods. I got you a regular pair and a backup pair. Yeah. Both are gone, which is fine.

2:04But I've tried to get ahead of this AirPod debacle for you. Yes. No, you've done all the right things. One of the AirPods is, I have the AirPods, but I lost one of them. It's somewhere in our bed. Yeah, I know. There's nothing worse than that. And I just have not been able to find it. And then the second one. The sheets were changed on Monday, so it's not in the bed. It's like under one of the things. It's been two weeks. The other one, Bubber. Bubber. The last time they were seen was in Bubber's hands. Yeah. Then that could be a shoe. And I've been looking for them. I mean, that could be anywhere.

2:42Yeah. That's gone. Really anywhere. Gone with the wind. Okay. So we are recording this the day before we leave for D.C. We're doing a quick trip to D.C. with my best friend and her husband and her parents. Do you know what I love about my best friend Nugget, as we call her? Do you know what I love about her? Please share. You know, we're going on this trip, and I've probably talked to her three times this month, and it's just been a sporadic text of like, what are you packing? And then like one of us won't reply, and it's just like, I'll see you there. You'll let me know what time. I don't even know if we ended up at the same hotel, and I know neither of us care.

3:16I love a low-maintenance friend like that. She's great. She's the best. We'll just sort of, well, we're also just like highly compatible, which is lovely. So yeah, we're in D.C. We're doing tours. And we were going to record in D.C. And then we were like, no, we'll record the day before because we want to do a fun episode where we're going to do a couple things off the top about the stock market, which Harrison's going to walk us through. And then we're going to do some fun things about iPads and kids, pacifiers, parenting advice. It's a game. These are sort of like a game episode. A would you rather.

3:54Alright, let's start with that stuff then. Let's start with please. Pretty please. Subscribe. Send this episode to a friend. You're not going to be able to turn your laptop without me noticing. It's so big. You've got to start with the stock market thing because we left on a cliffhanger. Oh, we kept that in? Yeah, the people are going to be wondering. Okay, so 100 years of the stock market. Yeah. Listen, I want England to win this game too, honey. But close the laptop. All right, stock market. Walk us through this stat. From 1926 through 2025, 30 ,000 stocks were analyzed. Okay? Just 27.6 % of stocks outperformed the market.

4:3660 % of stocks incurred wealth reductions, and the median stock returned a negative 7%. 46 firms accounted for half of the wealth created by the stock market. Okay, so basically you're saying half the stock market packs the punch and the other half doesn't. Careful what you buy. Yeah, well, I thought this was just a really interesting data point on how hard stock picking is. Okay. And how two things can be equal. Being invested in the broader base stock market has largely generated fantastic returns over the last 10, 20, 30, 40 years. but if you do the end, but the way in which you do that is very important.

5:18And so if you try to do it through stock picking very hard, chances are you could generate a negative return. But if you do it through broad based index buying, where you're getting exposure to, you know, a full index of stocks. So the S and P 500, 500 of America's largest companies, then it puts you in a much better position to generate returns historically. And that's obvious. I feel like I consistently on this podcast talk about how much I like index funds. So that was a good data point. So basically a diversified portfolio is good. Is that the word? Diversified portfolio. Is that in this sense or no?

6:03What does S &P stand for? Standard and Poor's. in pores p-o-o-r-s what's that mean i know jules is checking it what does that mean jules i'm trying to figure out where it came from is that like lewis and clark just like some random guys that one thing i love is you ask the question that's right in front of you like what it like there's like um yeah pores was a publishing um like there's the russell 3000 like i've never thought about what actually the rust like what what is russell in the russell 3000 the standard statistics bureau and pores publishing okay so i guess did they come up with the first formula for...

7:03They merged. The company merged. And... How did... What was their role in developing the S &P 500? They just came up with, hey, we're going to... And why did they get to do it? The company launched the modern S &P 500 index. It was designed to be a broader, more accurate measure of the overall U.S. economy than existing indicators. Wait, sorry. And our stock market just let them do this? What if somebody today came and said, I want to make another one? No, no. So you list on a trading exchange. No, this is going to be too much. I don't have the capacity for this today. You could do this. You can come up with...

7:41Can I make the Alex? You could come up with your own index. The A and H 500? People come up with their own indexes all the time to track certain things. Okay, thank you. So the S &P 500 is just the most widely followed. That's the broad-based index, which reflects America's 500 largest companies that fit within certain requirements. So if you need to be public to be on that list, you can't be private amongst other things. Okay. Okay. So when you invest in the S &P 500, you don't click S &P 500 on E-Trade. You have to go through and invest yourself. No. So that's where it gets a little more complicated is a company like Vanguard will create an ETF, So an exchange traded fund.

8:29That is the S &P 500? That tracks the S &P 500 or tracks the Russell 3000. So you'll buy VOO or VTI, which is essentially, which reflects you buying the S &P 500. So when I say we own a bunch of the S &P 500. We don't own them all. Or we own a bunch of the Russell 3000. We own that through VOO or we own that through VTI. Okay. Or something else. Basically, two guys - The Vanguard, we buy the Vanguard index that tracks it. Two guys got together and they were like, okay, these are the 500 fastest growing companies and we're always going to track them, okay? This is a non-negotiable. It's just the biggest company.

9:11So like Amazon's on the list. And then the people that do the stock trading, E-Trade or Vanguard, I guess. Is that a version of E-Trade? No, it's different. You buy the index, you buy the ETF, through E-Trade. I regret saying that we should start with this. That's the thing is like this stuff. This is a fun game episode. Yeah, this isn't fun. Okay. But the people wanted to know. Okay. Well, careful what you wish for. Did you read my sub stack or no? Did you write a sub stack? I sent you guys a sub stack. On email or text? On email. We have said you need to text these. I've stopped checking my email.

9:59The only email I'm checking is like... What did you title it? What I would title the sub stack. I sent it Saturday. From what email? Saturday, 3 p.m. Around-ish. So much happens in one year. Tate is growing. I had my second baby. It really makes you think about what's around the corner. Lately, my biggest goal has just been staying present in the moments because these sweet summer moments with the family are so, so important. And that's so much better than worrying about the what ifs of the future. That peace of mind really comes from knowing we're protected. And honestly, planning for a future, it didn't have to be a headache that you expect.

10:36And that's where Policy Genius comes in. They are an insurance company. They're a marketplace that lets you compare quotes from America's top insurers side by side for free. Their licensed team handles the paperwork and answers any questions for you so you aren't guessing. and they advocate for you throughout the process. It's fast, clear, and it clearly works considering they have thousands of five-star reviews on Google and Trustpilot. It's the easiest way to lock in protection so you get back to enjoying your summer. With Policy Genius, you can find 20-year life insurance policy starting at just$276 a year for$1 million in coverage.

11:14Head to policygenius.com slash two parents to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash two parents. Okay, 46 companies out of the 30 ,000 accounted for half of the gains. That's it. And so picking those 46. It's very hard. Very hard. But if you own the broader index through an ETF. What is ETF? Exchange traded fund. Just like, can't it just be like, if you happen to pick one of those, you win. it as it comes out of my mouth i realize it it's more complicated than it needs to be like the fact you can't just go on and like buy the s &p 500 just click s &p 500 these these are really really big companies do you want to invest in them yes what email do you think you sent it from no then here i i did want to defend myself on this because i don't i jules is a an email checker no i'm not well i am for important things that i'm expecting that i'm expecting i love that all right i want to jump into the episode here harrison let's do it okay put your lappy toppy up unless it's to tell me that you didn't send the email fair which i think could be achieved on the phone um not that what what day was let me just pull up this is absurd i am i am just curious okay i'm gonna just talk i don't want to cut this i want to keep talking yeah of course so we're just gonna pop just sit here and pause we can talk about how my camera's not on oh jules's camera is not on do we know why i don't know it's not turning on sad but like i just bought this so yeah this little thing is cool oh wow what you didn't send it where did it go this is heartbreaking it's probably in your drafts It's none of my drafts.

13:13Did you actually write it? Yeah. What was it about? Investing? Oh my goodness. This is terrible. Because I did go back and look after we talked about it on the podcast on Monday and I was like, I'm just not seeing this. No, no, no. I got it. I got it. Did you press send or is it in your drafts? No, it's here. Okay. What's it called? What's it called? It's called Just Had a Kid. These simple steps will put$5 ,000 in your pocket. Wow. $5 ,000? Yeah. Did you think of that title? Yeah. Did you send it to my other email? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's why I didn't. Then there we go. Jules is exempt. Okay.

13:58Well, we'll read this at some point. Our architect's calling. Should we answer? Nope. Let's go. Ready? Yeah. Okay. Close the laptop. Oh, come on. Ready? Okay. Five, six, seven, eight. would you rather have a toddler who never naps or one who wakes up at 4 30 a.m every day this is the easiest one ever never naps i i like don't like if you were to ask the question would you rather bubber not nap or nap i'd say not nap then we could have more time together and more days together and i feel like so often we're planning our days to like get home for the nap i feel like the nap's more disruptive than anything yeah and it's nice because you know kids they start out at two nap well they start out nap rocky is napping napping napping napping napping and then they go to two naps and well then they go to three naps and they go to two naps and they drop to one nap yeah and like we'll be somewhere and then we got to go home for the nap you can't fly during the nap you can't be in transit during the nap and so the nap is a bit of a hindrance and if you don't get the nap the whole day's off and 4 30 a.m disaster disaster nobody wants to get up at 4 30 a.m.

15:05But as adults, we're not napping through the day. No, when she's up, I want to be able to... Obviously, we are making breakfast, which I want to start bringing back more of our longer-form breakfasts, her and I. She hasn't cooked with me in so long. I was just about to say, why are we so far off the cooking game in general in our household? I think it's Rocky's arrival. And it's a mess. Every time we'd make it... When you make pancakes, You're just using a lot more dishes. And so we become like a single dish cooking household. We've become also like, I think our number one eating dinner right now is steak and fries.

15:44And I was going to say, why do you think that is? Because it's low lift and low mess. We are truly, the fries go in the air fryer, the steak we cook on the cast iron, and I season it on a cutting board. You could even skip that step. Not for me. but that's the thing like we don't make chicken teriyaki no because i need like you need mixing bowls and that we we are one pan dish household right now i think there's like meat and potatoes households versus recipe households ah thank you jules and we're meat and potatoes because you don't care about the recipe and so it just doesn't make sense and you don't clean so you don't that was the big problem is i'd cook the big elaborate meals and then you wouldn't want to clean so i will bring back the big elaborate meals but i don't want to then do the dishes after the big elaborate meal now there's one piece you're missing here you're leaving out something very important let's hear are you a clean cook I think I'm like very down the middle in terms of cleanliness.

16:52I think it's a little rapid fire, a little like the seasoning goes everywhere type cooking. Bit tornadic. Yeah, but you, but like if there's... I don't even cook nor do I cook. I'm good with that. I'm just saying maybe we could meet in the middle here and I could clean. Because I actually, what's funny is I love doing dishes. Alex loves doing dishes so much that she never does them. I do them more than you. I'm a better... I've aged. To not have the camera on Jules laughing right now is a tragedy. Your dishes, they just sort of stay kind of where you ate. I don't claim to like doing dishes. Okay, this is the problem.

17:31You claim to like doing dishes. I do. But you never do them. I love the warm, soapy water. I'm just trying to think of something that you call me out for saying I love to do, but I never do. Charge my AirPods. I don't claim I love to do that. I do love dishes. like at Thanksgiving I want to be the dish doer this is just absurdity I know it's it is it's great so do you think that we'll get back into making meals ever no because I because I don't like cleaning up the meals and you don't appreciate the meal so it's a one-two punch if you love them then I could be like you know what I'm prepared to to handle things in ten but like you don't even like them so why am I putting in the effort did you know I went to two hands today and I got like the chicken bowl and I removed all the veggies because I'm afraid of the parasite but anyways they brought it out to me and it was cold and I just ate it and I just thought to myself like I'm a good person to give a cold dish to yeah because like I don't care yeah the potatoes were like borderline frozen and I was like I can just I got it I'm not rushing back there the it wasn't it was not okay um okay let's see would you rather clean one massive blowout every day or step on legos every day blow out it's it's two minutes and you're done yeah this is a ridiculous question what step on one lego versus having to clean a dirty diaper cleaning diapers is like the non-event of non-events of parenting stepping on a lego also not Stepping on a Lego sucks It sucks I have sensitive feet Do you?

19:11Like walking on rocks I'm so bad at You're so tough though My feet are Like walking on rocks Remember when a lot of the pools here Have like the rock gravel around them I'm so bad on those Bubba is also I was just about to say She is so sensitive I noticed we were at one of our friends' houses. And she's so tough. Rocks around their pool. And like she. But maybe she sees how I walk on the rocks. No, I think the rocks were hurting her feet. Really? But what did she do the other day too that I was like, man, you are tough. But she's very tough. Okay, but we were deciding about what we're going to do around our pool.

19:52Turf, grass, permeable pavers, or large slabs. And what did we land on? Grass, regular grass. We're starting with grass. Grass for now you guys can sound off in the comments of what you think about that what kind of grass? That's what people were sounding off. Oh, that's Like the the kind there's a kind that we're going with well, no kidding. There's a kind We're just not going with any old grass. It's a good grass. Okay. Thank God It's a grass that like stays green and is good for pools pretty grass. Okay, perfect cute grass um these days it feels like every beauty brand is launching more products than ever but the best products aren't the ones that take up space you guys they're the ones that earn a permanent spot in your routine and that's exactly what merit is known for beauty with intention and they've done it again you guys with their clean volume mascara that is absolutely going to become a staple for you because here's the thing it's a small brush but a big impact clean volume pairs a small precise brush with a buildable tubing formula that creates lashes that are lifted defined in voluptuous without mess or heaviness clean volume isn't designed to give you fake lashes it's merit's version of volumizing mascara it's buildable lifted and defined and they call it clean volume because it delivers just that clean volume with zero clumps zero fakes and zero mess and if you still haven't tried merit now is the perfect time because the clean volume mascara is now available and the bestseller kits along with the cult favorites like the minimalist foundation stick and the flush balm and so many more you guys right now merit beauty is offering our listeners their signature makeup bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com that's m-e-r-i-t beauty.com to get your free signature makeup bag with your first order meritbeauty.com okay is it okay to Never lie to your kids.

21:49So. This is one that in theory, you want to say absolutely no lying to your children. Luckily.

22:03Under two, there's been no need to ever lie to Bubba. I, yes, there is. Sometimes she asks us to open the Sharpie and we go. Because the Sharpie won't open. The Sharpie won't open. We can't get it open. So that's a lie. And then she takes it and tries and she can't get it open either. Well, not sure. iPads only exist on an airplane lie. And that's the problem. It's like, how do you find those? Like, how do you find the healthy line? No, we're not. All out of cheese, fresh out. How do you find that healthy line? That's a very, very tricky one. That's a very, very tricky one. Do you think Santa Claus is a harmless lie or not?

22:43It's the great example. It's amazing. It teaches them to use their imagination. We should give a warning that we're talking about Santa Claus because we did little ears combo. Yeah. Something like that, we got to say. Little ears combo. I can only imagine, like, I can't believe that we were in Santa Claus for a family. I know. Some mom or dad is driving, listening to Alex and Harrison just bicker at each other, and boom, one of us drops the bomb. There's no real Santa Claus, and then the kid's just like, what did Harrison just say? Jules, how do we not have a camera on you? Pull up a cell phone recorder.

23:31They can hear her giggle. Yeah, they can hear me. Good. I think that there is a little part of Santa Claus that is real though yes and I can be convinced on that but what I can't be like convinced Tooth Fairy? great put a dollar underneath amazing okay

23:56what else okay if you go in the middle of the street the monster is going to get you the street monster you didn't like that one

24:07no i i don't have my view on this yet so i don't want to dive too much further because what i want to do in theory is different than what i what i know is realistic in reality so i'm sidestepping it i want to have like a line that that i can address this on yeah like i want to define what we're okay with and what we're not okay well that would be something very helpful for listeners to put in if your kids are older than ours or if you've thought a lot about this or if your parents did something really well bless you some um like i don't like saying if you don't eat veggies you're not gonna grow so yeah so how do you classify what you will tell you yeah yeah how do you compartmentalize what you are gonna lie about what you're not gonna lie about yeah like right now telling bubber the ipad only exists on the airplane i'm fine with yeah you guys keep looking at me and these are like questions i don't have a take okay yeah Jules doesn't know.

25:03But you could, you know, what Nori did. I thought that sneeze may have had the, I tried to cover, and I did, but I thought the trajectory could have gotten on Alex, and I was just waiting to have my head chewed off. Harrison, if your sneeze gets on me, that's disgusting. That's why I was waiting. You have a loud sneeze. Do you know that? Like, do you realize or no? Because every time you sneeze, what's so funny is, Rocky's not there yet, but do you remember Bubber? we used to go one, two, three, and then wah! Because it would wake her up. Do you remember that? For like five months? Or if you cough, there's like a five, or if there's a loud noise, there's a five month period of kids with their startle reflex, I think, really turns on.

25:46Okay. Are iPads helping or hurting children? My vote is hurt. My vote here, sorry, is that they do more harm than good. Yeah, I think there are areas where they do fine. Not good, necessarily, but they do fine. It's a net zero. but overall probably hurting. Yeah, I think that we've completely overindulged in them, if that's the right word. So what about this one? Should schools ban birthday treats? Why would you ban them? Allergies or like fairness. Like if one kid brought in these amazing cupcakes with custard on the inside and then another kid maybe didn't have the capability to bring in. i think that there should be a birthday treat like list and i think that that but what if you can't get anything on the birthday treat list i think the school should provide it i think every kid's birthday should be celebrated i think yes sorry but i would like i would like it to be yeah i don't want one kid to have a giant birthday cake that looks like a car that's like decorated and then another kid like maybe their parents couldn't do it and so they don't have it yes But that was kind of what I was saying on the list is like everyone in the class should say what they're doing for their birthday and the teacher will need to either approve it or reject it.

27:07And then if a family is not doing something, then that can give the opportunity for either the school to step in or for another parent to step in. I like that. I'm good on that. So I think our answer to this is should schools ban birthday treats? No, they should make them equal. yeah the teacher should or to rephrase like the teacher should have a role in the birthday treat yeah or maybe even schools could say hey you know because all right so what is it some let's say on average a class has 25 kids in it okay so there's probably a well there's 25 weeks of birthdays maybe some are doubled up okay on that you get a box of cookies or you get the kid can pick i want cookies i want cupcakes on donuts and the teacher could get them but they get the they get the money from the school but that requires the schools to have the money which is a totally different yeah and i was gonna say important clarification not the teacher the school because the teacher should never have to pay for it but a lot that's like a i think a big problem with a lot of teachers is that they contribute their own money to like classroom supplies and yeah not the problem with teachers an issue the teachers face correct because it's it's a great thing teachers do yes Yes, and amazing things teachers do that they shouldn't have to.

28:21They should absolutely. It would be cool if the schools gave each teacher like a$500 allowance for the year to do treats with. Once again, like funding issues. Oh, honey, 100%. I'm with you. I'm with you on that. I just. So, you know, one thing I'm looking forward to, though, is like show and tell day. Isn't that a thing? Or like your dad comes and presents like what he does. So on that day, you'll take like flock chicken sticks. Or we'll do a podcast episode. We'll bring in the kids and they can sit in here and watch. Aww. How cute. We could let them each record something on this and we could mash it up for them to watch back.

28:57And send it to their parents. That is so sweet. I think they'd also love the chicken sticks. Yeah, well, chicken sticks are very kid-friendly. There's also Mommy Muffin, Mom Muffin's Day. Have you guys seen that? No. Oh, yeah, on Mother's Day. Yeah, all my friends with older kids on Mother's Day, they went to school and they had mom and muffins. Like, I can't wait for these things. Daddy-daughter dance. Did you ever have Grandparents Day? Grandparents Day! That was like one of my faves. Mine too. I still remember being at Charles High School and both my grandpas coming. Yeah. That's so exciting.

29:31You didn't have Grandparents Day? I-I-I...

29:38it's either left your memory which is sad or you didn't have it i'm gonna go and say yeah i'm gonna sidestep this one okay well no because that's the problem is i don't remember having it and i feel like i would have remembered having it because i know both my grandfathers would have come for sure it sounds like both of your grandfathers would have come and mothers so the good news is your mom will tell us kathy please weigh in that's what i was thinking i was like oh she's gonna she'll just no she's so sweet about it she'll just tell us um i to actually call her today so i scheduled a text to her because she wants to get this dress from alice and olivia but i think maybe we have a shipping issue so maybe i'll get the dress like well i don't know i don't know what we're gonna end up doing but i need to call her quick pause for the oh my god i choked today and no one intervened so yeah do you want to know why Why?

30:29Can you guess why? Because you wanted me to die? No. Why? I choked for maybe seven minutes. Jules, do you have the same reasoning I did? It's the boy cried wolf. Yes, he chokes all the time, so we never know when to believe you. I was, seven minutes I was choking. You choked last night too as I was drifting off into sleeping? No, that wasn't a choke. I was eating steak and eggs. The steak got caught. Oh. I had to finagle it out of there. By myself. No one would help. What were we supposed to do about it? Ask if I was okay. The Heimlich? Jules asked. Alex just sat there silently. I sat there and said, this happens three times a day, three to four times a day.

31:09That was a really bad one. Your mom wants to get a dress, and we were texting late at night, and we were like, we'll touch base tomorrow. So I went on my phone, and I scheduled a text to her for noon. It said what? What's your schedule today? Oh, very smart. But the scheduling of a text message, incredible. to schedule a call oh you can't do that you can't schedule you scheduled a text message to schedule a call oh yeah you can do that yeah that's what you did yeah you can also like if it's oh my gosh we should go schedule everyone's birthday text messages well I saw someone asking you does that make some things less special if you can schedule the text like what if Harrison scheduled a nice good morning text to you oh I would love that a little less special though I wouldn't know it was scheduled.