Wedding hot takes, postpartum anxiety tools & parenting around the world

37:25Okay, so what are the goals? I notice you're working out again. Yeah, just more. You started the working out in Aspen, though. Honestly, just more balance. Okay. I think that the Social Cup over the past six to eight weeks has been completely full. But that's on me. So our Social Cup has been really full the past six to eight weeks, and that's because not being pregnant anymore. Like I was just reminiscing yesterday on what it felt like to be pregnant and I cannot tell you, I just feel sick 24 seven and I don't want to be around people and I just, I have a constant headache. In the moment I'm not pregnant and the moment that I lift even slightly out of the postpartum, I'm like, who wants to hang out?

38:04And I really like take Harrison on that journey with me. So yes, we over indexed on it and now I do agree. We're just going to steady the ship. We're going to steady it. One hilarious thing though, what i know everyone loves to talk about like the negative effect of alcohol on sleep and and i do stand by that when you drink a lot i totally and and i'm not i'm not gonna fight the data i will say though the past three nights i've had um i was i feel like i've had a sleep regression i've i've had it i've been awake or i had i've had awake windows i've been awake from three to five for the past three nights you and rocky both having wake windows huh yeah wait with no alcohol with no alcohol and so it's like i i've been so excited like we're back i'm in the swing of things but from three to five i'm just ripping it wide awake i think the al it's probably something else correct i've never slept better if it's probably not not drinking alcohol no it has nothing to do with the alcohol sorry i'm just saying i think it's funny that like you know i'm getting things back on track eating good working out not drinking yeah aspirin what You'd expect the sleep to be humming and just it hasn't been.

39:18Harrison's point is this. Like when we were in Aspen, we were in vacation mode, right? So we were in Colorado. We had seven days there, probably drank four to five of them. I didn't sleep so great. And like I know that about me, right? Like my sleep is just not going to be as good. But my sleep also, like I love my bed. I think I've realized that the older I get. Like my body knows when I'm in our bed in our house and I have my heating pad and I'm happy. although I have a travel heating pad now. So I don't know. I've been sleeping great but I guess you haven't. That's too bad. Yeah, I gotta...

39:53You gotta figure it out. Why are you waking up? What are you doing when you wake up? My awake windows. Why are you having a wake window? I'm just putting on nonsense that's like podcast shows to help me fall asleep and it's not working. I'm sorry. They have on... I think it's that my cup is so full of responsibility right now that I wake up and at 3 o 'clock something is just completely stressing me out. And then when I think about that, when I actually re-wake up at 8 a.m., I'm like, oh, that's a 2 out of 10, 3 out of 10. Like the home renovations are stressing me out right now. We're not doing home renovations.

40:31We're doing outdoor renovations. The outdoor renovations are stressing me out. The pool's looking really good. The tile. I'm so thrilled. the decisions are so major the power of an inspo photo i cannot stress it enough even if it takes you two seconds like we were driving to the pool place and harrison's like you're gonna have to pick out the tile and i just pulled up on pinterest i was like show me some pool options and it gave me a bunch of different options and i picked one and i was like i like i like this so i zoomed in and i went in and i picked everything exactly like that and i love it as opposed to just like free balling it yeah just it took me two seconds to find the inspo photo and I'm very, very, very happy.

41:12I have a situation I want to talk to right now. What? On the pool. Okay. I want to do grass around the pool. No. People can sound off in the comments. Do you have grass near your pool? I think it either needs to be pavers. It can also be like large limestone slabs is fine. Or it can be turf. But it cannot be grass in Austin. It's just itchy, Harrison. No. Tauntaun has grass around her pool. I think it looks great. It does look great. I don't really even notice that it's grass. She has a person that trims it. I guess I'm just imagining very tall grass. And it doesn't get it in the pool, her person.

41:55Yeah, I like that. I do like that. I don't know. The tiles and the turf can get hot. Grass, cool. She's right. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so last night we took Bubba to the pool in our neighborhood. and she was running towards the basketball goal where she runs all the time but she didn't have her shoes on and her feet got really hot and she didn't know that the pavement could get hot and it was so cute. Hot, hot, hot and she was frozen and so we had to run and get her. It was so cute. She didn't know and then she was walking around saying hot, hot, hot but like the shade's cold or if her feet were wet then it wasn't hot.

42:30She was like standing in the shade pointing at the non-shade being like hot, hot. Oh, that makes me feel sad. It's amazing like watching the brain process these realities. It's amazing too though. She froze on the pavement when her feet got hot and they only would get hotter. Because she didn't know what to do. Yeah, it's like really cute. I think you were there right away. I did. I ran over there. All right. I want to talk about a little postpartum anxiety update because I had mentioned it, right? And then I talked about it and I got some really good tips. Number one, ants, automatic negative thoughts.

43:02Somebody on Substack said this. These are quick involuntary negative thoughts. that crawl into your mind, fuel anxiety, and trigger stress responses. Okay. I know to this person, the ANTS is an acronym for automatic negative thoughts, right? Like they just automatically hit you. Like last night, for example, I get in bed and I'm like, did we turn off the burners? Like, yeah, for all 33 years of my life, I've gotten the burners off and I've never left a stove on. But last night I was like, what if I left the stove on? So I go back downstairs and I check. I had to check twice. Okay. so that's the automatic negative thoughts what i like about the acronym ants is i hate ants so i'm always squashing the ants so if i think of these thoughts now as ants i just squash it love it and what i did google it says how to squash ants and it says you first you have to catch it so like notice the negative thought okay then you have to check it is it actually true or is it false then you have to change it.

44:01So change it from whatever the thought is to what's actually true. That's how you squash it. So for me, I was just thinking get rid of it. But I guess in some cases, like the burner could be on, but it's most likely not on. It's a tough one. But with that example, you caught that that's what you were thinking. You checked, you literally checked if it was true or not. And then you said you changed it and it's something else then. Right? Throw it out. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And Harrison had a good thing for the anxiety on the trip, which is he just said, you know, you always feel better when you start saying it out loud.

44:40So just start talking. And I really liked that you said that. So we've got the ants. We just start talking. And then also from the comments, name it to tame it, which is sort of in line with Harrison saying, you know, just start talking about it. And I even would say to him, I can't believe I'm going to say this out loud. This is going to sound so silly. And then I would just say it out loud. And like the moment I would say it out loud, it almost evaporated. Yeah, it's interesting because I see that with you. And I see when you get quiet, that path that you go on versus when you talk about it, how quickly things can go in the different direction.

45:25and and it's funny that you used the burners last night because obviously i was sleeping but like i think that's a great example had you said that vocally i would have been like alex you didn't cook last night i cooked i cooked the steak i cooked it on the cast iron the cast iron smokes i turned it off i know i turned it off we cooked three hours ago if we didn't our kitchen would already be completely covered we would have noticed it there would have been smoke everywhere so like being able to to add that additional color and and really you know help you squash that ad um is i find like communication around the matters is is often um i'm just want to be so careful with my words here because like it's your situation not mine but if you help me with Communication is very effective.

46:25It's long story short. But I think one thing. Short story long. Long story short. But one thing about it is you've learned me over now to kids, right? And so I think you really know. Okay. So, okay. If anybody, I don't know if the listener has ever dealt with postpartum anxiety or anxiety in general. But it's really easy to get in inside of yourself. Like I'll ball up and I freeze up and I like I don't talk as much and I get really, really quiet. and I know if I can just say to Harrison I'm having anxiety he'll take it from there which is really helpful for me so that's what I did in Aspen I was like hey I'm just I'm I'm so anxious and that's when he's like just start talking it even if it sounds crazy just start telling me because he knows if I start saying it out loud they're almost like little bubbles pop pop pop pop pop and it did it helped so much and what I learned on the name it detainment thing is that So the anxiety is in, I don't remember, like the amygdala and something else, some different parts of your brain.

47:26But when you say it out loud, it activates your prefrontal cortex, which is where rational thinking is. So like even just actually saying it out loud is activating a different part of the brain. And that's what's helping it go away. Like scientifically, this thing is a thing. That's fascinating. Makes so much sense. That is exactly what. Okay. So it's a real thing. Yes. Like there's scientific studies on it somewhere. Okay, you guys. Wow. We always say we don't have any advice. Things we learned this week. Things we learned this week. This feels like a great little Substack deep dive. Yeah, say it out loud.

47:58Yeah. Oh, my goodness. What? Jules' first Substack article. No. Alex's Substack article. Jules might not want to write that, though, but she can give me the information and I'll write it. I'd love to research it. Okay. Maybe. Maybe. I can write about Love Island what did you want to say about Love Island Jules is and I know the listener I know we're gonna get a bunch of comments about this everyone's gonna want you to write a subsect so I am sorry you now will maybe have to write one okay maybe but not on not on that yeah I don't think that I think that that would be Jules reporting on something that's not applicable to her yeah as opposed to Jules has a lot of interests and I think a guest Jules you could even talk about like things you're reading things you're interested in just like a jules interest sub stack i would love okay maybe all the things jules loves so heated rivalry should we start calling jules a gen millennial no i'm a um zillennial that's what they call me zillennial oh we finally named it zillennial um i heard just gen z is loving love island so are the the millennials as well should we be getting on this people are the viewership of uh love island setting viewership records okay okay and yeah i don't know apparently people are loving it and so i'm i wanted to know if this should be our next thing i i feel like i'm reality tv'd out from all the summer house stuff but i just think it's a lot to commit to like i've watched love island for six plus years um because it started in uk then u.s is that where harry josey came from no he's from love is blind or too hot to handle one of those he's from one of those okay um love island is like leah kateb leah kateb and tommy fury well that they're love island uk molly may and tommy fury those are the only probably like celeb level ones you would know but then like u.s it's just a bunch of people it's a bunch of people that want to be online famous is what it is in the u.s but apparently they try to do something different this year where they just like got people got random people like nursing students and um like the good old reality tv days like big brother yes that they tried but i don't know this season is it's a four out of ten to me oh everyone coupled up like the first day and jules your spoiler alert spoiler of the alert of the show that comes out live every single day you're not gonna watch it you're not gonna watch it every single day yeah so it's it's six days a week and like one day a week you don't actually have to watch it because it's a kind of a recap show that sierra from love are from summer house and teffy are hosting but you no need to watch like the story doesn't progress forward but it's every single day I think it's too much for parents How many weeks?

51:07Six to eight Oh my god It started on my trip That was June, so it's been a month And there's like another week and a half You're still watching it? No You've tapered off I came back and I actually watched TV For like the first time in forever And then I decided I was taking too much of my life over And I said, no more I can have clips I know what's going on I know all the vibes but I don't need to sit down for an hour and a half and watch it depending on the night oh my gosh okay so it's a real undertaking yeah it's not for me I don't think it's for you guys but I do appreciate that people are liking it and I'm not surprised that people are liking a show that comes out every night did you have a question or something to say on it I've really been wondering Oh, okay.

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54:29Like it only exists on the airplane and we are doing that. I think it's a really good idea. yeah i these apps that make you do the in-app purchases they are so frustrating like we were told to buy these games download the games we like download the games and then we get on the plane and we try to play the games but you need to do all the in-app purchases in-app purchases are like impossible to do on a flight and so like it just the whole thing wasn't as effective as as it should have been. She was loving the piano, though. Yeah, but then she'd hit the button and then you'd have to pay and we couldn't...

55:07What did you have to pay for? To unlock... You download them for free and then they'll give you four keys and if you hit the fifth key, it makes you pay for it. That's insane. I just want... I just let us pay$3.99 for the app and let it be. It's$6.99 to unlock every single instrument so terrible customer experience it was like by the time we were done I mean we were gonna be in it for like 30 35 bucks but like so they give you the instrument when you click instrument they give you the piano for free but if you want the saxophone you got to pay you want the drums you got to pay and that's hard for with kids because they see it and they want to click it all and it's like not their fault but no H did I think it played into predatory

55:57overstimulating kids and extracting dollars from their parents. Hold on. I think we're being too harsh on the games because we're going to use the games again. We're going to use the games again on the airplanes. She liked the games. No, Harrison, all we need to do, honey, is look at the iPad the night before and download the games. Yes. This is our first time, so I'm totally with you. But what I'm saying is... watching her click those buttons and her eyes light up and her just like that it was like oh this is not good it was interactive though i agree i mean like for the airplane because we want to keep things under control on the airplane but like i my take from watching her interact with the ipad was that is a scary device for children Okay, that's very interesting.

56:49Yeah, and I think with age and we're trying to keep her away from the overstimulating things, they seem dangerous. We are really trying to keep her away from all overstimulations. All right, let's do two more things. So the first one is, do you have an update for us on the 530A accounts? I do not because I did not research them, so hopefully I will research them. But I know they're alive and I need to get to this because we don't have them set up yet. All right. What about this? Did you know that one in three adults, adult being 25 years and above in the United States, live with their parents?

57:35I did not know it until I read the stat. And I thought it was interesting. It was higher than I would have expected. I also saw that a third of those people are doing it to safer down payment, which speaks to the affordability crisis going on in the U.S. right now. Yeah. And what do you what do you think of this? Well, I think that two more kids named Tate and Rocky are going to also be they're going to fall right into this category. um i think okay so in other cultures i know a lot of times that they view the their house as like a family asset right so the grandparents the kids everyone lives there i love that i think during covid when one of the good things that came out of covid was when kids would go home and live with their parents again like people had a blast yeah so i'm not i i'm all i'm saying is i'm surprised by the statistic.

58:30That it's so high. I was surprised it was one in three. Yeah. You know, it creates a really unique, it creates a great dynamic when you have multi-generations living under one house. Like grandparents are more involved in raising kids in other cultures, right? And aunts, aunts and uncles are a really big part of it. You know, like everyone lives together or next door to each other, which I think is really cool. so now can I tell you some other things that different cultures do that is different from us okay let's hear it I think these are really cool so Denmark letting your baby nap in a stroller outside in the cold while you eat or shop inside I think the key word here is in the cold do you remember when we were in um Montana and we did the sledding yeah and Bubber fell asleep yeah and I made it I made a tick tock about it yeah everyone was commenting saying I think it's Norway that their babies sleep outside in the cold and they were like this is a norwegian some there's a bunch didn't we just say norway no we said it was denmark and norway uh no it's in copenhagen okay well sorry copenhagen's in denmark oh my goodness there's just cultures that let their baby sleep outside yeah and what they were saying is this is maybe i don't remember what culture it was but babies nap like that and it's yeah she was scandinavia snoring yeah no i i i think there's to me two things jump out to this like it it was very interesting watching tate sleep in the cold and understanding how common that is elsewhere the leaving your child outside unattended like if you do that in the u.s you'll have the cops called on you so quickly to the point do you remember in aspen we were we left the coffee shop and there was a baby in a stroller that appeared to be unattended.

1:00:18The parent was on the other side of the glass at the bank using the ATM. And the parent saw us stop and be like, where's, like, was this child left behind? And he was like this. He was like, we're good. And I was like, oh, okay. And like, knocked, noticed it truly in under five seconds. But like, we were, we fell victim to even letting that happen. Yeah, we were like, oh my gosh, is this baby unattended? Like the culture here is just so never leave your child unattended, even if that isn't like necessary. That's just how it is. It is necessary is the is the sad reality. Not to bring it to dogs, but I feel like it's even less common to leave your dog unattended outside.

1:01:00And 100 percent. 100 percent, Jules. So I think that's a really cool thing that Denmark does. All right, Japan, letting your seven year old ride the subway alone. incredible and i imagine it being very orderly yeah i've talked about uh somebody's in japan on here yes the coolest they're the best here's my question though at what age in the u.s do most parents let their kids use public transportation by themselves they have to be at least in ohio you have to be 12 to be left alone at home so i would assume so we have laws on when children can be left correct I don't know let me look at what it is in Texas but I know Ohio is 12 there also needs to be a law for that I think it's it's great to that's a very foreign law I mean some people might think it's okay at seven and I just don't think it is Texas doesn't have a legal age okay there it is but the recommend the recommended age is 12 to that's when you can start leaving your kid at home alone and letting them use public transport?

1:02:09Well, I don't think that public transport was included in that, was it? No. But that does seem like the same age to me. I don't know. That directionally makes sense. They need to have some sort of a cell phone, I would think, here if they're using public transportation, right? Yeah, this is Texas specific. It says, for riding unsupervised, most transit authorities and child safety experts agree that kids are generally ready between ages 9 and 12. Wow. Depending on the maturity. In Austin, you have to be older than 10. I was in the process, and I'm going to finish it now, pre-ordering this, call it a dumb phone.

1:02:53For you? And it has maps. It can take calls from your saved numbers. And it has Spotify. so you can listen to podcasts. Oh, the dumb phone having Spotify. Finally. Yeah. Like that's what we need. And now I'm good. If I could also get Spotify, I would really, you know, it duels up what I'm going to get into. Books on tape. I love that for you. My screen time is down. What do you think my screen time is now? I checked this morning. We're three hours. I was going to say something like, I was trying to think with work. We're trying to get it down to two. But it's inflated because like we had the airplanes and the travel and I'm down to four let me see if I want to get to two I think we could do it I think we can really you guys in that venture yeah Vietnam potty training from birth with a whistle out of diapers by nine months they're Pavlov dog in the kid okay so you whistle like similar we talked about with the bell with the with the with the dogs they're classically conditioning the the child to use the restroom but like if i would that rocky could not be classically conditioned at this moment you need to meet like you've met him but at 11 weeks like he cannot he could not so i want to hear more about this have you i i would have to do maybe we can do a little bit more research but one of my friends did just sent me a video on this it's called like elimination Okay, I want to deep dive into this.

1:04:30Let's come back. Let me come up with what the word is. Elimination communication. I'm interested in, are you blowing the whistle to signal that they should go to the bathroom? Yes, I'm assuming. When does elimination communication start? Because I agree. It can start as early as three to four months old. Okay, that makes sense. Well, Rocky's almost three months old. I don't know how that would work. I think it's a lot. You have to have a lot of time on your hands. Yeah, I don't know how we would possibly tie the whistle to the peeing, but maybe. I would like to read more about this. I'm very interested in this one.

1:05:10Argentina. Kids stay up until 10 or 11 so they can be at the family dinner. Well, what time is the family dinner? Nine? Nine or 10? Probably. To me, this is just going to be like, what age? because I see so much value in keeping Tate on her bedtime routine and on her schedule that that's going to be age-dependent for me. Well, I don't think we're saying we're going to do these. I think we're talking about how Argentina does them. And this is what I'll say about this is we had a friend who – she's got a two-year-old who's on her schedule and one day she came over around like 10 and he came with her and I was like wait he's awake and he's like tate's age and she was like yeah he's on my schedule I'm not on his and I was like that's awesome and like I it's very different than what we do but I think this is really cool that like if kids just stay up till 10 or 11 and they have a family that they're at nine that's very cool I wonder what time they sleep until Japan the whole family co-sleeping from birth until your kids start school how cute I want to turn our bedroom into giant mattress are their beds regular size that's not a king bed that's a maybe a California king yeah or larger um all right do you want to discuss the world cup very quickly it's very sad that we're out oh the the U.S.

1:06:39soccer momentum is dead like I think like people are sad that we're out it was so fun there's one thing i do want to discuss on this matter and that is the difference between watching sports with americans versus canadians and just like how different our dna is around expectations and the way we like talk about our respective teams like when you watch sports with a canadian our general like verbiage around the game is like great effort we put up a really good fight versus like we watched the last game with with uh it was you and the neighbors and like there was one expectation and that expectation was to win that was it we were so mad i was like are you kidding me and like it was funny like every time the u.s was kind of making a comeback i'm talking all right like putting a good effort here and you guys like no no the ball goes in the net okay and and short of the ball going in the And there was absolutely zero acceptance for what was going on.

1:07:43And I just like, it's funny because just growing up, like, other than hockey, like, Canada never really won anything. We were just historically happy to, like, make the World Cup. No. You know. That's very everyone gets a trophy. If we, like, played a team tough, like, that was, you know, we played them tough. And you even saw that with Canada's results. Like we, when we advanced to the round of 16, the coach's speech to the players is like, you guys are now national heroes. We're making the round of 16. Yeah. Versus here, like the players are getting taken to the woodshed. I do think, unfortunately, on that note, like the loss, the way in which they lost and the country who they lost to couldn't have gone any worse.

1:08:31Like, I think the U.S., like, let's say soccer came in to the World Cup with, like, 6 out of 10 momentum, U.S. soccer. I think, like, we'd reached 9, 9.5 out of 10 momentum. Like, on our flight home, there was a dad and two sons, all three of them wearing U.S. soccer jerseys. I think after that game, like, we may be exiting the World Cup at 5.5 out of 10. Like we may be exiting in a worse place than we entered. It's more on my radar now. But it was the most viewed soccer game of all time. Okay, you had 37 million people during peak viewership. It's amazing. Amazing, but then you watched a really bad loss to a team that like, I think if they'd lost to Brazil, who's out, or they lost to Spain.

1:09:27Spain. they lose to Spain or France in penalty kicks. I think you can walk away from it being like, you know what, we put up a shot, and if one or two things go a different way, like we advance, versus losing to Belgium, who while they're good at soccer, they don't get the overwhelming credit for being a national powerhouse, and getting smoked. Yeah, terrible. Who's Belgium? Celeb-wise, we didn't cover Belgium. great question jules um i would say belgium is uh off the radar not on the radar but gives you sneaky good performances so who does like who doesn't get talked about a lot but dakota what's her name when they dakota johnson dakota johnson but then when they show up in a role like oh wow you put up a good performance i love that one that's belgium okay dakota yeah the at the game full circle because they showed the guy on the screen that left to go have his baby i saw and i said i know that guy same jules i was like oh that's him he was good yeah sure i don't know anything here's who argentina is who is the grammys or who sorry who is the oscars incredibly corrupt towards in a bad way in a good way oh who just like they just give them awards because that is who argentina has become oh you're asking you don't have someone in mind no okay i don't know like who just wakes up and get us gets oscars well who has the most oscars doesn't mean that they're corrupt towards no but there is a lot of politics it does the way that like jack nicholson oh who's next no but that's kind of a good one like jack nick like argentina's jack nicholson they have had an unbelievable career but like the fifa's just keeping them around yeah to keep them in the game and same thing with jack who's second most um well jack nicholson was second most daniel day lu daniel day lewis was first i mean that's crazy Daniel Day-Lewis is a great actor, but like.

1:11:48That's kind. And Sean Penn. Oh. Yeah, I mean, that's. The Argentina-Egypt game was a bad, was also a very bad look for soccer. Why? A very bad look for soccer. Because Egypt was up 2-0. They had a very, they just had a very, very questionable. Call? Goal pulled back. and Argentina just seemed to be handed call after call, penalty kicks. So you said that FIFA's very corrupt. And in what way? Like, is somebody from Argentina like, I'll pay you 20 grand for you to swing this game? Like, is that the real level of corruption that's happening? I have no idea.

1:12:35But, you know, I honestly, I don't know the inner workings of it. So I don't even want to open the can of worms. I think that's the word on the street. But, like, you don't actually know. Yeah. Well, if it's a... I believe referees in sport are given guidance. What? Yes. I believe that. They should not be. The ball doesn't lie. They should let it play out. I believe that the referees are being guided that it is better for the tournament if Messi sticks around. If Messi sticks around. Argentina. That's probably true, I guess. and do what you can to make that happen and maybe they maybe they were told to let the u.s win but then the referee was like dude are you seeing this because there's nothing they can do this one's out of my hands the goalie came out of the goal people wanted yes it would have been very good for america to keep running to of course ticket prices were down like 50 across all games but we're the hosts like we needed to go to the games all right bye but back to being tier three sport now no i i i really enjoyed the world cup i'm very bummed we're out yeah we this was a it was as bad of a loss as you could have taken it's too bad it's sad and and the police the guy the face of america he had an all-time bad exit interview all-time bad oh what did he say hold on it's easy it's easy to hate for us to hate okay so we're gonna stop we're gonna stop yeah We don't play soccer.

1:14:01Yeah. So care. What? Nothing. Okay. All right. Let's wrap it on up, guys. That was a great Wednesday episode. We love you very much, and we will see you on Friday. Thank you for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Two Parents in a Podcast, powered by Just Media House. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to like, subscribe, comment, rate, and review. Stay connected on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook, at Two Parents in a Pod. Welcome to our home. Sorry it's so messy. New episodes every Thursday.