In short
The Friday Club episode mixes football banter and listener stories, then pivots into explicit sexual “CNC”/fetish tales, plus a few confessional/anonymous letters (bad back/sciatica, dating advice, weight-loss denial, and a bizarre “dwarf in the garage” anecdote).
Guests
No clear named guests appear in the transcript; it’s primarily the hosts plus recurring listener contributions (e.g., “Brownie,” “Lummi,” “Jimmy James,” and anonymous callers).
Key claims
Protein drinks are now at Starbucks; Microsoft 365 Copilot helps with work writing/summarizing; Taco Bell’s new crunchwrap slider uses crispy chicken nuggets with chipotle or jalapeno honey mustard.
Notable examples
A Sunderland/Newcastle match story; a sciatica update with a physio describing significant sciatic/nerve-root involvement; a long “CEO of sex” CNC request story involving a contract idea for consensual non-consent; an anonymous football-date story where a “Rosie” (Everton seat) uses a hanky/“feces fetish” trick after sex; a true-crime segment about the Banfield family’s fake fetish-profile home-invasion plot leading to murder convictions.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOFamily Gatherings and Football
1:48 to 2:42
The hosts share stories from their recent family gatherings and football experiences.
“First time I've probably since I flung you above my head at Wembley.”
Funny Encounters at the Shop
2:42 to 3:08
Listen to a humorous encounter one of the hosts had in a shop after a party.
“Scott was up singing, dancing, and then the old VR.”
Listener's Experience with Football and Gearbox Trouble
3:08 to 5:00
A listener shares a story about a football match, car trouble, and a great day at the pub.
“It must have been about half nine-ish so there was only us two in the shop.”
Surgery and Support from the Community
5:00 to 9:10
The hosts discuss support from fans regarding health issues and back pain.
“I reckon there's ten tickets left for the Newcastle show if you're interested.”
CNC Experience and Online Dating
9:10 to 14:00
A listener shares an intriguing CNC experience and their dating life during the pandemic.
“I had the worst sciatica going, and I mean the worst.”
A Bizarre Encounter with Rebecca Moore
14:00 to 18:07
Explore a wild narrative about a young man's surprising relationship with an adult film actress.
“big fat lips, big huge bolt-ons, absolute bimbo.”
The Unexpected Proposal
18:07 to 21:32
Delve into a shocking request involving consensual non-consent and the need for a written contract.
“to which she replied, It's three figures.”
A Stroll Down Memory Lane
21:32 to 22:47
Reflect on an encounter years later that rekindles old memories but brings unexpected surprises.
“Five years on and I've always wondered what happened to her.”
The Wisdom of Experience
22:47 to 24:29
Discuss the importance of leaving certain memories in the past while acknowledging personal growth.
“But like you said, he enjoyed it and just take it for what it is, you enjoyed it.”
A Comedic Tale of a Unusual Encounter
25:39 to 28:00
Laugh along with a story about an autistic man's humorous and bizarre adventure involving a dwarf.
“I feel like I need to tell you this story because it's so funny.”
Show all 25 chapters
Unexpected Animal Encounters
28:00 to 29:00
A humorous discussion about unusual animal encounters.
“I'm thinking what could be the strangest animal that he could have caught.”
Weight Loss Dilemma
29:00 to 31:00
Exploration of a friend's weight loss journey and the secrets behind it.
“do you think the man's just let him free well off he goes son into the wild like releasing a duck get hit the side of a pond that just flaps on free willy oh god There's one about one of your lot here, Jabba.”
Pride and Secrets in Weight Loss
31:00 to 34:00
Discussion on pride and the reluctance to admit weight loss methods.
“Do we call him out or continue quizzing him?”
Cheating the Weight Loss Game
34:00 to 36:20
Conversations about the ethics of using shortcuts for weight loss.
“But we're trying to understand why this guy is in denial.”
Misdirection in Performance
36:20 to 38:40
A light-hearted critique of a friend's behavior during performances.
“He'll hold back and let me and Chris walk on the stage, right?”
Dating Advice for Single Parents
40:00 to 42:00
Providing dating tips and advice for a single mother seeking confidence.
“Can you give me some tips and maybe a pep talk?”
Exploring Social Clubs for Connections
42:00 to 43:35
Learn about finding communities and social clubs as a way to meet new people.
“Like you said, when you run, you can't talk, can you?”
The Unexpected Match at the Game
43:35 to 46:21
Discover a humorous encounter during a football match that leads to an unexpected connection.
“I'm only happy we're getting fucking stock coming.”
The Wild Night with Rosie
46:21 to 50:04
Hear the outrageous and shocking story of a night with an unexpected twist.
“Think Xena, Warrior Princess, meets Sofia Vergara.”
The Aftermath of the Night
50:04 to 52:56
Unpack the bizarre consequences of a wild night that took a turn for the unexpected.
“Pound for pound, the most unhygienic thing ever.”
A Shocking Family Narrative
52:56 to 56:01
Learn about a disturbing story involving a seemingly perfect family's dark secrets.
“fucking incredible not what they do with the beads is that but a couple of things from that.”
The Banfield Family's Dark Secret
56:01 to 58:01
Explore the seemingly perfect life of the Banfield family and the affair that shattered it.
“Banfield family looked like they had it all.”
The Murder Plot Unfolds
58:02 to 1:02:06
Learn about the chilling plan that led to a brutal double homicide in the Banfield household.
“A plan that sounds like it's straight out of a film.”
Aftermath and Consequences
1:02:07 to 1:03:42
Discuss the fallout from the murders and the impact on those involved, especially the child.
“I mean, on the surface, I'm not condoning.”
Humor in Dark Times
1:03:43 to 1:06:39
A humorous take on the absurdity of the situation surrounding the crimes and au pair dynamics.
“isn't it for the the law enforcement phone records what about the poor daughter joking apart They've been sat there, yeah.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Protein is now at Starbucks, and it's never tasted so good. You can add protein cold foam to your favorite drink or try one of our new protein lattes or matcha. Try it today at Starbucks.
0:16The world moves fast. Your work day, even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize so you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 Copilot. Any way you enjoy Taco Bell's crispy chicken nuggets is the right way to enjoy them. And now there's a new way inside a crunchwrap slider. The all-white meat crispy chicken nuggets you love with your choice of creamy chipotle or jalapeno honey mustard sauce inside a slider-sized crunchwrap.
1:02Iconic. The new crispy chicken crunch wrap slider with creamy chipotle or jalapeno honey mustard sauce. A brand new classic. Only at Taco Bell. At participating Taco Bell stores for a limited time only. While supplies last, contact store for participation which varies.
1:20Hey, hey, it's the Friday Club. The weekend's here, get in that pub. It's Friday Club. Bing, bang, bosh. With all of your favorites from under the cuss. So if you want to share a story, I'll relive a form of glory. Fart of the wheat or clapping them cheeks. Maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.
1:46It's all here on the Friday Club. Good Saturday. Now you've got your club back. Big day, wasn't it? It was Sunday. Sunday, very Sunday. You have a big family gathering? Yeah. 90 % Sunderland fans and then there was our Bethany's boyfriend fiance Scott just the one just one in his clubber shoe kit did he come both games I like that though shorts and socks no no just merchandise no no I want I want pull kit shin pads yeah socks pulled up to knees so what was when that 90th minute goal went in is he getting stick Are they all on top of him? Ruffles of the air? Nah, nah. But we were up. First time I've probably since I flung you above my head at Wembley.
2:41But the best thing was when Newcastle scored, Scott was up singing, dancing, and then the old VR. The VR. But I bumped into a kosher in the shop. and it was funny because I was still, I was at a party Saturday night so I was still like half cup but I woke up thirsty, walked to the shop and there was a kosher in there. I had a little bit of chat with him about the game. It must have been about half nine-ish so there was only us two in the shop. He paid for his stuff and I'm looking for someone in the back of the shop. He just said, up the fucking kosh, Brody! As he walked out and he's emailed. What are you looking for?
3:25a magazine on the top shelf. Me? Exactly. My mum sent us for some eggs. Afternoon, lads. Just want to start off by saying I'm an avid listener, Patreon and all that bollocks. Listening to the Friday Club and all the other stuff has become some sort of religion. Keep up the good work, blah, blah, blah. Big thanks to Brownie for stopping and getting a picture and having a bit of crack on Sunday morning in Sainsbury's. From that moment on, I had a good feeling about beating that shite up, up the road, and boy was I right. Anyhow, moments after speaking to Brownie I pulled out the car park drove about 10 seconds along the road and the fucking gearbox went on the van.
4:06I had to leave it on the grass and walk home with my crate of lager and sausages securely intact. Most people are going to be fuming at this point was I fuck. I went home, whacked the sausages in the air fryer opened a can and set myself up for the day. Buzzing with me and Brownie on the morning and what was lying ahead I set off for the pub at 10am. Fair to say plenty of beers were drank. Brian Brobby sealing the deal on a top afternoon. The wife picked me up and I was firmly tucked into bed by 6 o 'clock. Rough as a badger's arse writing in this afternoon. Which was Monday I think. But well worth it.
4:41If I ever came home to find the missus in bed with Brian Brobby or Granit Xhaka I would happily tuck them in. Quite possibly even guide them into her. Keep up the good work lads. Up the fucking cosh. P.S. Fuck Alan Shearer. Fuck Anton Deck. Fuck Eddie Howe. Fuck Dan Byrne. And fuck that little ginger-cun callback as well.
5:05Well, thanks for that. I reckon there's ten tickets left for the Newcastle show if you're interested. Thanks to whoever AI'd me in a Bonnie Blue queue. I've not seen that one. I've not seen that one. Talk a full kit wanker. They've put a pair of Copa Mundial's on us. Have you seen it? Let's get up on screen. let's have a butcher's good mask good mask which doctor tattoo baby oil shorts and socks red shorts are they yeah and whoever took the whoever screenshotted the photo of me drinking you know i mean drinking the water i'd like to know how many times it took them to get just that exact spot it was more just yeah that's took a lot of fast forwarding rewinding that and pausing I was speechless for a minute I've never seen anybody drink a glass of water like that he was talking about flipping male things worn or something weren't he excited do you know if you're not on the Patreon the Friday Club hub is classy isn't it have you seen the one where the guy's just sat in his chair at a game been sick obviously after we we revealed that we're sick in the club all the way but are we all are we all well yeah all right yeah yes they cut me hair the other day yourself yeah hmm gone David Bentley yeah yeah I was in the gym and it was just doing the head in in the eye and I got back and I put but it went to the end of my nose.
6:44Doesn't even need it. It doesn't normally stop you. It was a meter and a half. There we go. I'll load the gun. Like Cousin It in Adam's family. And I just... My little pony. Very good. My little pony. Troll.
7:13it happens quite a bit when we're laughing with each other and he's not oh yeah he's not it's usually when he's halfway through a story and we're halfway through an email and we say something and then we carry it on again and he gets a little bit cheesed off with it I like it go on so yeah I've just taken a pair of scissors and just gone and I can't get into the barbers to sort it out well go on give us a fringe now we can see how straight it is straight? Yeah, have you got a straight cut on it?
7:44Ricky Gervais character, what are you called? Derek!
7:50Honestly, it was, look Chris, it was there. And I thought that needs to go and I just panicked and then instantly regretted it. But it's like too short at the front and thingy at the sides. You just can't get into your stylish, that's what you're saying. The barbers that I normally go to. Stylist, if you want. You can go to a barbers if you want. A Baghdad butcher? Yeah. Is that where you go? I don't have to cook my own friend. Do you go to a stylist? I go to a barbers, but it's my barber. Yeah, I get that. I can't remember. I have made the mistake before I've just gone to a random one and then they always think they know better.
8:32This might not come as a massive surprise, but I just go to whichever one of it on in my air, cutting I'll go in there and all you get paranoid about it if you remember yeah can I just say a massive thank you for the tsunami of support that I've had this week with regard to my bad back the amount of messages I got was unbelievable humbling yeah that's what the cosh community do Chris yeah a few voice notes actually have you I'll give you this one from the physio they're assessing your back today clinically speaking it's uh one of the most significant presentations of sciatic nerve irritation i've come across in years actually and i don't know how you ever made it to that match at charlie to be honest fuck off you've got clear signs of lumbar nerve root involvement with pain tracking down the posterior chain which suggests uh the nerve is pretty sensitized at the moment it's a good job not a horse really because they would have put you down uh recovery wise these things can be quite stubborn we'll review it again um soon and see how the nerve response it's the seriousness of it there was a couple more come in Chris I've listened to it last week's show and I just wanted to give you some support definitely ways the pain of childbirth so keep strong.
10:01Outweighs the pain of childbirth. Support there. Why's he gone for a Scottish woman? Good morning mate. Right, Lummi here. I'm going to back you up. I had the worst sciatica going, and I mean the worst. And there was nothing better for numbing the pain than 10 pints. It was calling in my case because it was 2010. And after 10 pints you can do anything you want. But before the 10 pints the side of that is something else so keep on the drink when you get it it soon goes away or wears off for a bit so yeah thanks to everyone who got in touch oh actually oh there's one more chris mate jimmy james yeah listen to the episode mate i'm doing again but me mate what the are those two on about you know the that big fat bully and the the other one who just laughs at everything he says really loud what the are they on about like i've had sciatica mate i got it in the falklands it kills what the are they on about i tell you what mate i'm surprised you can walk i'm glad he's alive anyway yeah joking apart i have messaged him he hasn't getting back to us Swear to God, he hasn't.
11:21Jimmy James, if you're watching... Come on, Jimmy. Switch pie out. Let us know you're all right. No, that was me, that last one. The rest of them. Give over. Obviously. Obviously.
11:36Well, that has fucking blown me down. We're fair enough to have thought that the last one were you. Oh, is it? No, it's all right now, to be fair. Where did you feel it in your leg? and then the back did it go past the knee no i'm not a physio or a doctor but true sciatica is only when it goes into the car and the ankle yeah i mean yeah sorry down to the achilles but we're just going to put a line under it now you've just got a bit of a sore ass yeah no it is bad muscle we weren't disputing that muscle spasms aren't bad it was just the self diagnosis of the fact that you still went and watched a non-league game I have enjoyed the CNC feature over the last couple of weeks and last night another one landed so any objections no not totally is this male or female this is male but the title is CNC request from the CEO of sex.
12:39That sounds really impressive. He's given himself that title, the CEO of sex. No, well, you'll soon find out. Please keep me anonymous in... Capitals. No. Well, yes, Capitals, but also them star. Asterix, is it? Which must be really important. All right, lads. Been a huge fan for a long time, blah, blah, blah. Was listening to the Friday Club last week where somebody wrote in about a time a girl asked them for a CNC experience and thought I had to write in to tell you about a similar one I had. Let me take you back to the start of 2021. The world was still mostly shut down due to the pandemic.
13:22I was 20 years old and had recently become single after being in a relationship where occasional vanilla sex was the best I could hope for. One night, whilst hornily scrolling Bumble, This was a dating app where, after matching, the women must instigate the conversation. I know that only too well. Is that where you met Katie, that one bumble? She met me. The one hit wonder. Yeah. Searching for any glimmer of hope for a rub, a message popped up on my screen from what could only be described as a Rebecca Moore lookalike. Rebecca Moore? You know what I do, John. Who's that? Yeah, you're good at Googling.
13:59She was 27, bleach blonde, extensions, bright blue eyes, big fat lips, big huge bolt-ons, absolute bimbo. Result, he says. Result? You see, I'm... Well, if you're 20... Are you happy with that? Yeah, if you're 20, Chris, and you've just come out of a boring, vanilla thingy, it's a bit of fun. She's going to knock us around a bit. Pandemic as well. Take anything. Ooh. That's her, that's her, Rebecca Moore, and I think I think she described perfectly We got talking and almost instantly the conversation turned to that of a sexual nature It's gone better lads We've lost him It's gone better lads Ah that's Is that the same person though Just Not sure So what does she do?
14:56Sexy videos but looks She might have an OnlyFans I don't know I can't really say that Put your phone down now face down yeah rebecca moore adult film actress right oh you can i'm not so sorry i didn't know because we we don't we're not into that kind of we added each other on snapchat and she sent me absolutely loads of filthy pictures and videos toys involved double clicking the mouse double clicking the mouse is that the well that's it's that finger your index finger in it for a double click so she's is she just playing with the flicking the bean yeah I don't like that term around you flicking the bean her sucking on dildos the lot as you can imagine this was mind blowing for my 20 year old self we arranged that night to meet up the following day oh he's excited isn't he I'm excited as the images and videos she sent were on snapchat they were due to stay in our chat history for 24 hours before disappearing.
16:01I couldn't save them as this would have notified her. So the next day, as I was still in disbelief to what she had sent, I drove to my mate's house to show him in person and get a second opinion. Lock down this. Lock down. Lads, get to this destination as quick as possible. I've got some stuff for you. He's got to show somebody else, hasn't he? Yeah. So it's happened. Yeah. He just needs reassurance. Just somebody to go, like, you've got to go. Needless to say, he wholeheartedly encouraged me. So that evening, I drove down to pick her up. We parked in a quiet spot and she got straight to her. She gave me the hobgoblin, knob-slobbering, double-decker, pecker-wrecker, twisty-handed, gawk-gawk 9 ,000.
16:50Can we have that again, please? I'd let you see that. she gave me the hobgoblin knob slobbering double decker pecker wrecker twisty handed gawk gawk 9000 I might have thrown him in when I get home if that's not the blowjob of all blowjob I don't know what is copy and paste that and send it me and we were off to the races
17:15it was a real eye opener I knew I was dealing with a skilled entertainer she even had a pierced clit which I must admit felt absolutely epic on the tongue easy to find and all with a bit of metal isn't it over the next three months or so I was given a total education in all things sex she knew all the tricks and we were at it all of the time over her house out in the car in public woodlands she once even demanded that I whip her with my belt while she was over my knee. And after giving her a good crack on the cheeks, she turned round and stared back at me and exclaimed, With the buckle end! Jesus Christ!
18:03I remember once she asked me how many girls I had slept with. I told her and asked how many blokes she'd been with, to which she replied, It's three figures. At first, I was in total shock, thinking, Holy shit, she's been with a hundred men. It was only later on did I realise, no, she may have been with 999 men. Yeah, that is very true. That is very true. And, I mean, she's not looking for a long-term relationship, is it? No, she's going to re-advent you, though, isn't she? Well, that's what I mean, but you're not going to start by telling them you're in three figures. Yeah, I think they both know what they're signing up for.
18:40Yeah, the hobgobbling, slobbering job. 3 ,000. She said her ex-partner had a kink where he enjoyed having his friends over and letting them all have a go on her, which she absolutely loved. I don't know if that's a kink, is it? I think it's a kink. I did start to think at this point that I may have bitten off more than I could chew with who could only be described as the CEO of sex. Anyhow, how this relates to the C &C story. One day, whilst over her house After a session of bonking A bit tamer, doesn't it, than what we've heard of previously A bit of bonking She said she had a request She asked if one evening that week I would break and enter her house unannounced Balaclavered up Tie her up and engage in consensual, non-consensual sex I did wonder when I heard the story read out on the show if this was the same girl I dealt with but I'm nowhere near Wigan it's my move to dealt with now this was mind boggling for me and not something I'm into whatsoever and I told her this was the case but if it was something that she really wanted to try I would consider it but on one condition we write up and both sign a contract needs to be done needs to be done needs to be done I'm taking it to a solicitor I'm taking it to a solicitor to run his eye over G-Rock any chance you could write me up a contract I'm about to go and break into a lady's house and have sex with her without her consent but with her consent she's agreed to it yeah yeah because he says he was terrified that things would all go wrong for us at least he's getting done for us breaking an entry he's not because she told him to break in I mean they know to a contract oh she absolutely kicked off when i suggested this saying that it was obviously obvious i didn't trust her which in all honesty i didn't as it was a clear it was clear that she had a few screws loose and we never did get around to it which i'm kind of glad of but just to give you more info that yes there are obviously plenty of women out there who like that sort of shit absolutely mental he said not long after that she broke things off with me as she said she said she was getting back with her ex-boyfriend who was high up in a local motorbike gang needless to say i absolutely shit myself for the next six months anytime i spotted a motorbike behind me in my rearview mirror it was a crazy experience and it's something i'm glad to have done as a young man.
21:27My dick really has led me places that I wouldn't even go with a gun. Five years on and I've always wondered what happened to her. Well, about a month ago, one hung over Sunday whilst having a scroll on Hinge. There she was. She popped up. What's Hinge? Is that different? Yeah, similar to Bumble, by all accounts. Right. Similar, where the female Aster? I don't know about that. No, no, I think it's anything goes. My wand would. pricked up like a whack-a-mole we matched and she quickly started sending me the same sort of filth she sent me years prior she asked me to go down that night but then revealed she had something to tell me she was now weighing 18 stone she must have been about 8 stone when we first met is this quite fattening semen must have had a good hefty bike Harley Davidson she's got comfortable with him hasn't she yeah good suspension the conversation ended soon after and it got me thinking that sometimes these things are best left in the memory bank anyway lads keep up the good work sorry it was a long one me and my best mate are coming to one of your live shows soon he's been going through a really tough time recently so I hope you read this out on the show as that will put a huge smile on his face up the front and cosh but it's more common than yeah but it would seem so yeah again these are the kind of things that we spoke about last week but how are you breaking in see that's not like do you know you don't want to be causing damage my ex-boyfriend's kinks where his mates coming round and shagging me it's not good that is it no you've got to have a bit more I reckon she's closer to the 999 than you think yeah more that end than the 100 end like there's big guy big big gangs of bikers in there if it was him yeah if it was that i'm just yeah i mean next to a neighbor and they all all else all else angels pull up on drive 40 40 allie davidson's not driving that he's doing you're trying to watch fucking coronation street good shaggers and bikers as well with the leather waistcoat yeah just just the leather waistcoats and a pair of Doc Martens.
23:49Helm it off. Oh. I mean. Yeah, it's not good that. Not good. But like you said, he enjoyed it and just take it for what it is, you enjoyed it. 20 year old. Recently single. Fair play to wear an old mind. Because she didn't, after the time, she'd put 10 stone on. 10 stone's a lot, by the way. A good few summers, aren't she? Of a double. Jesus Christ. It's a bit bad that it, well, he just didn't turn up after that, did he? They fizzled out. But you said some things are best left to the memory bank. Which I think, as bad as the story is, you know, a little bit of wisdom to come out of that. And I'd agree with that sentiment.
24:37Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole Zero Sugar Energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole line up now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian, Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the monster energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe. And every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more. So good, so good, so good. Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. And they're up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on Rag & Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints, and more of your favorites.
25:18How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Why do we rack? For the hottest deals. Just so many good brands. Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. I have got a playable story, but... Playable? Yeah, an audio story. that I came across. I'm just going to play it. I feel like I need to tell you this story because it's so funny. So, my client, right, she's like an older woman. Well, she's about my mum's age. And she was saying she met this family when she was on holiday years ago.
26:01And she went, I always meet up with them now and then. She said they live on the Wirral. She said it went out for our TV the other night. And she went home. She says they've got a son who's autistic, like really bad autism, and he's 20, about 20. And he's asked his mum if he could go to the shop on his own. And she was like, I didn't want to let him go, but I wanted to try and start letting him do things on his own. So she said, yeah. and he went to shop and she went he was a while like and then he came back and she went and he had like loads of marks all over him and she said she thought he'd been like attacked or something and she said what she was going what's happened to you and all this and he was like um and what's Helen yeah because she won't let me keep it and she was going keep what what are you talking about?
27:01And he's like, can I keep it? And she was going, keep what? In the end, she said, where have you put it? And he went in the garage.
27:14She went in the garage. And she thought, obviously, it was a castle or something like that. He brought a... He brought a what? He brought a dwarf home. Like an actual human little person.
27:32locked in the garage.
27:38And the little dwarf being hit and I'm trying to get away. Can I keep it? He brought a dwarf off. This is the marks from the dwarf saying, fucking God, get off me. Yeah, he's trying to escape. Yeah. I'm expecting a porn mag. Yeah. I thought it was going to be an animal. Animal. Yeah. I'm thinking what could be the strangest animal that he could have caught. Just imagine when it's going. He wants locking up him. He's a fucking animal.
28:21Fester Dwarf. Fucking Nomad. Fester Dwarf. where on the journey did you see him and think he's coming with me well there's a little scuffle in that in there but he's overpowered him i think he's gone headlock the headlock and yeah walk yeah you're coming with me so how big he is he might have gone full like waste under the arm you know so his legs and arms are going but he's got him the thing is you're leaving yourself open to a ball yeah well he's got marks all over him I wasn't expecting that to go down that route do you think the man's just let him free well off he goes son
29:10into the wild like releasing a duck get hit the side of a pond that just flaps on free willy oh god There's one about one of your lot here, Jabba. My lot? Jabba! Great show and well done on your growing popularity. Which is very nice. Many a time you've cheered me up or distracted me to happier times up the cosh. I'll get straight into it. Probably best you keep me anonymous here. Below, we'll explain. A pal of mine who I describe as a confident type. He wears designer clobber, likes to brag, and drives a Range Rover, although it's an evoke. Couldn't help that last dig, could he? He couldn't help it.
30:01Would you think he was a dick? Just from that brief description. What you... No, I'd just say... Likes to brag. Likes to brag, that's the wrong prick. A while ago, he was struggling with his weight, and now has lost a noticeable amount. To be fair, he looks good for it. He's never really been a big gym goer and likes a drink and food like us all. Suspicions with other pals are rife that he's an exemptic, but despite many plausible times that he could come clean, he's not. Even when we push with compliments on his weight loss, he comes back with, I've been getting down the gym, although he's never been seen there.
30:43Improved diet. Cut back on portion size. We also think he has a Zenpick face. Oh, an Zen prick. Well, you're done there, Chris. It's also been noticed that he doesn't eat much now, contrary to us all who are greedy bastards, as he was back in the day. So, the dilemma. Do we call him out or continue quizzing him? We can't help ourselves. You see, if you're on the Manjaro or the Zen prick, Then I think you've just got to own it. Yeah. It took you a while. I know, but do you know why I didn't say it to Matt and yourself back in the day? Because I wanted you to say, oh, he's lost some weight, hasn't he?
Read the full transcript
31:31Right. I wanted you to notice. But even then, when we were discussing it on here, you didn't want to speak about it. You didn't want to come clean. If you remember, you stormed off and made a coffee. Because it's all part of the act, Chris. And then you're blaming your mates and stuff. Fucking hell, mate. Hello. You were playing the part. Is it like a pride thing? I'm shitting here now. I'm going to have to go for another shit, lads. That's twice in 40 seconds. Yeah, this can be a bit of an issue. Is he always at the toilet and all? The side effects. They get a good one. On the show.
32:14There's loads now. the uh manjai manjai holes we call them at school there's loads of them they're all they're all bloody 15 stone last last year at school they're all waddling down now with the summer dresses on an answer is this honestly chris do you think they look well um this isn't a flipping witch hunt i'm just um yeah they do um and if they feel better then you know so you think if you think better than good for the loss weight loss yeah but i think you can go you can probably go too far can you we've all seen the ones with the faces yeah skeletals i'd just be worried about the side effects long-term effects yeah i'm interested in to know what's wrong now i'm interested to know why like this guy and you wouldn't want anybody to know because remember when he blushed that time when he got caught with dwarf porn on his Instagram it was that type of your cheeks got a bit rosy and you didn't want to tell us live you knew straight away yeah you told I knew and I didn't say anything I wanted I wanted lads to notice like not from a vanity point of view just to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to do you want to fucking jabbing, hasn't I?
33:41And I'm not advocating the jabs. They might not be for everybody. Some people might have reactions with him, like shitting like that. Yeah, well, I just want to know the reasons why this guy and you, like you didn't want to tell the podcast world, and this guy doesn't want to admit it to his mate. What would be the, is it a pride thing? I don't know. It's not a trick question. No, straight away I'd tell everybody. but I wanted to be fair I quite enjoyed the crack you know for the first two or three weeks we were sort of obviously hinting at it Off air he said under no circumstances am I saying I'm on the jabs on this podcast true or false
34:26maybe true but not not not for any reason which is fine John because I just I was enjoying the no I mean it's fine to admit that maybe you didn't want to admit it. Exactly. But we're trying to understand why this guy is in denial. Why would you not want your friends to know? I don't think there's any reason to. I went golfing on Thursday. First time I've been golfing since well before Christmas. They're like, oh, you've lost some weight, haven't you? I said, yeah, we're not jabs. So is it that initial satisfaction? Because if people know that you've been jabbing, then they might not say, oh, you've lost some weight.
35:02Bloody hell, you've lost some weight. You're not getting that initial yeah the carrot yeah get me wrong you know I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not sassy I think you know I've lost fucking free stone I well have I done by the way he's been strutting around this house with no top on all day that's true and all the saunas been on it's been fucking 30 degrees in here that's why it's one of them in the mirror
35:30don't listen to them people don't listen to her yeah it's i i get it though i get it so what made what made you then tell everybody because i because we've pretty much exhausted the crack haven't we we everybody knew oh everybody knew from the questions you were asking and my reactions yeah but was that because the cat was out the bag no I'm just wondering if the same yeah better to be honest isn't it no matter what the situation is all the credit he wants to say I've been to the gym I've made an effort with me eating so he's not embarrassed but he's probably too proud to he's on the liquid willpower it's like it's like pulling a bird on a night when you're back in the day it's all about results doesn't matter how you get there just results it's a results driven business I don't know John in your heart of hearts I'm more than happy to cheat my way to slimness more than happy used to work when I used to go spinning
36:38used to work I'll tell you what we need to dig them out for by the way
36:45remember I think it was when we first started doing Friday Club he had a go at Ronaldo saying it's all about him not a team player wanting all the adulation for himself if you go any further I can tell you that this is probably not true right so during the live shows we all go out together don't we the song comes on strength in numbers no iron team let's get on the stage and go when Jabba thinks there's a hint of a good reputation, a good reputation, a good applause, a good reception. Stoke, Barnsley, Hull, Cardiff, Hull. I like us Leeds fans lovers. He'll hold back and let me and Chris walk on the stage, right?
37:34Sickly this. Me and Chris will walk out, he'll come out five, ten seconds later and give up one of these. Arm spread. I saw him at Hull before he'd come off, looked out at the crowd and he went like that. He went, ooh, and then started walking out. I didn't see that, so I can't. See what I mean? Your stories lose all credibility when he's just talking lies. Yeah, that's right. Just talk lies. Yeah. This isn't a lie, he's tied to. It's not 10 seconds either. I maybe just have two or three where I'll just let you all get on, but yeah, I know what I'm doing. Yeah. Know what I'm doing. But you're giving all those shit for making it all about him.
38:13Yeah, well, I'm not making it all about me, am I? Three seconds. Well, you are. You're making those three seconds all about you. I'm just keeping the applause room for everybody, lads. Keeping it going for everybody. I know. But why has that sprung up anyway? Oh, it's been spoken around for months to be far. No, it was in the Friday group. I forgot to bring it up last week. Yeah.
38:39Lying cunt, isn't it? Lying cunt.
39:08We'll see you next time.
39:14Start filing today in the Credit Karma app. It's the Paradise Podcast. I am your host, Ryan Michelle Bathe, with my husband, Sterling. What's up? Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney +, where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise. I'll be getting all the secrets from Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson, and Sterling Kelby-Brown. Paradise, the official podcast, is now streaming. And stream Paradise on Kulu and Kulu on Disney+. Hey boys. I'm a 36 year old single mum and my confidence has taken a bit of a nap since having my children. I want to get out there and date, but I'm not sure if I still know how to do the dating thing without tripping over myself.
40:08Can you give me some tips and maybe a pep talk? bonus points if you make me laugh while doing it she's throwing a ratty ring here or what p.s if i can borrow brownie to practice on then that would be perfect see photo attached she sent a photo as well so basically she's wanting some advice on dating and when i first read a practice when i first read that i thought she can't be that low on confidence to write in to a Friday club and then can I want to practice on me you know I mean yeah she's obviously feeling quite confident to I know it's anonymous but dating it's it's a strange world in it dating especially when you get older imagine now like them dating apps must be pitted with pests.
41:02Yeah. Yeah. Dirty buggers. Yeah. Dirty pigs. My advice would be... You're beyond dating game now. Really good. That'd be fucking incredible. Yeah, just like I always were. Well, it took me four hours. I've got a fucking Wi-Fi job. What about you? 25 years out of practice. Yeah, I think what you've got to do with the dating thing is is just take everything with a pinch of salt go on a date and if you don't like it don't like and like don't beat your head up over it but yeah i think she's she's concerned that say if she gets ghosted or something i think that might be a low confidence thing where she's thinking it's not on her is it no confident you just have your confidence as sky high right There's going to be bumps in the road.
41:56So if you meet somebody and you like them and they don't like you, just think, I tell you what, fuck it. Fuck them. Yeah, fuck them. You're missing out. Yeah, they weren't for you. Yeah. Run club. Join a run club. Get in them circles. Yeah. Run. Where it's more of a community thing. Yeah, so it's not threatening. Yeah. You can just turn up, be yourself, and if there's somebody there that you get on well with, this is just an example that could be any kind of club yeah chess club game club swingers that's a good club to choice um yeah so somewhat like somewhat active where join the strip club you're at loads of fellas in there um yeah so something that's not too intense where you can just go and if there's somebody there that catches your eye you have a bit of conversation job done Run club.
42:50I don't know if you're active, but... The one, run club? Yeah. Join a gym? You can't. Join a CrossFit gym? Like you said, when you run, you can't talk, can you? I'm not a talker. You should have seen us tonight with Matty and George. That's what I mean. Ungainly. Are you just showing them what you've got on the run and then afterwards? You know, when you have a coffee or something afterwards? Going back to the email, Lord. Me and George. Me and Matty. If you were joining a run club, do a bit of dating. right you're showing them what you've got on the run because you can't talk when you're running so then afterwards you know when everybody has a coffee and that's when the real magic starts the business end that's when yeah nice yeah because i can't i don't think i'm pleasing on the eye when i'm running so i think that might be an instant as well red flag i'm gonna have to work on my technique all of a sudden i'm joining the run club yeah you do get a bit red and then yeah heavy breather your fringe is all over place because it's in my eyes
43:56Christmas but yet I think it's not threat non-threatening yeah did you find it yeah how did you find the run mmm you've run well you've run really fast Yeah. Very fast. Good technique. I could see your ass from where I was. That's creepy, John. That's creepy. You're getting kicked out of the club. Good. I'm only happy we're getting fucking stock coming.
44:26He'll just come and just drive around in his car. Just come for the social bit of it. Start the run, just drop off, get in my car, get to the next checkpoint, and just sat there with a glass of water. And you cheated at Run Club. You'd be hiding in Bush, cutting fruit back street. There's a Donknaster fan put me goals together from the Championship League One season. Do you want to know the most... Best 15 seconds you've ever watched. The most liked comment... No, it's not... No, the most liked comment... I'm sick of AI.
45:20I'm not really sure if I'm going to enjoy this. All right, lads, from anonymous.
45:39The forces of darkness for what would be my last visit to the grand old lady. Before they were into the new ground, eh? Yeah. When I go up north, I normally stay with relatives, but decided to make this into a nice stayover in a hotel. A few pints and you know the score. I met up with a few mates in the Winslow for a few pre-match scoops, then took my place in the lower Gladys Street. I've got the must with a stand there. Lower Gladys Street. When I got to my seat 20 minutes before kick-off, there was this beautiful 9.5 out of 10 black-haired lass in the seat next to me. Think Xena, Warrior Princess, meets Sofia Vergara.
46:27I do like these random women. I know Xena. I've got Xena. I don't know what she's called. Drop it, Google. Sofia Vergara. yes that good we were referring her as Rosie being polite I said hello usual pre-match small talk to my joy in the 11th minute Beto put us ahead I jumped up and turned only to see Rosie sat in her seat with her head in her hands I asked are you okay we just scored she looked up with sadness across that beautiful grid and said, I'm a red. Heartbroken, I carried on celebrating Beto's goal. Five minutes later, McAllister scores. She doesn't jump up, but her left hand grips my thigh, and I look at her and she smiles, as I am the only one around that knows Rosie's a red.
47:21The game is, Rosie, Rosie is a red, is a red, is a red. He's giving her a free pass because she's fit. if she weren't he'd be up with Stuart saying get this fucker out of here she's a red get her the fuck out get away with a lot women can't they find me beautiful I didn't let on to anyone that Rosie is a red skipping through the game we all know what happens and I jumped all over her in the 98th minute when Target equalised after the final whistle she said do you want to go for a beer in town by then we both knew that we were both staying in hotels close to each other. So we went for a curry. I had lambuna for the record.
48:06Risky. Risky going for a curry anyway. If I'm having a lambuna, that's me done. I'm in bed. Yeah, asleep by the way. Garlic burps. Straight in our face. Lambuna for the record and quite a few to drink. She was filth whispering sweet nothings to me after a few sherbets, almost begging me for a one night stand. she was married oh bloody hell zina zina she said come on let's go back to my hotel i gave it no thought it's a dog it's a dog bob the blue we were down to it for the first few rounds it was sensational apart from her refusing to put my everton shirt on here is where things got interesting After a refreshing Sam Pellegrino, we went for round two.
48:54The attention to detail. The Tory tango. She's on top and was given the best head ever. Then out of nowhere, she goes around for my ring piece with her finger. Long nails, but smooth. And I have to admit, there was some added arousal there. After a night in the Gladys Street. I know. And a lambouna. She's getting what's just happened to that toilet in there, bless her I didn't think anything of it as she begins to ride me like a rodeo bull Unbelievable scenes until the money shot Just as I hit the high note I felt a sensation I'd never felt before And shat all over the bed
49:41Yes, gents, you did read that right Later on I had found out that she had inserted a digit and she hid a handkerchief over her finger and left said hanky in my arse. Oh, I've never heard of this before. It's strange, isn't it? Hanky as well. You don't get to see hankies much these days, do you? Pound for pound, the most unhygienic thing ever. Yeah, disgusting things. Up the sleeve. Put it back in the pocket. What are you doing up the sleeve or in the pocket? Have you got a hanky? I hope she's got a master plan. Later on, I found out that she had inserted her jidget. She had a handkerchief over her finger and left said hanky in my arse.
50:27As I shot my load, she had yanked the hanky out and all the muscles relaxed the sphincter's job, was on pause, and out came the lambuna. So he's... Right. So she's done it on purpose. She's pulled the cord. Oh, she knows what she's doing. Yeah, she's a professional, isn't she? So she's waited for the explosion, the moment of climax, and she's pulled the cord out like Woody in Toy Story. But what happened after this will leave you gobsmacked. She began to roll around and smear the... Oh, no. ...artist formerly known as Lambuna all over her. You spoiled it. Turns out she had a feces fetish. No. I was quite impressed with her technique.
51:11What, the hankies? The hankie. I thought, oh, I've never heard of this before. Now she's rolling around in shit. I got up calmly. I got up calmly without saying a word. Went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. While in there, I can hear her pleasuring herself on the bed still. I walked out the bathroom, grabbed my clothes and legged it. Question to you, lads. What would you have done? Hung around for round three or legged it like I did? keep up the great work up the cost from Bob the Blue she's lost all credibility she was she was playing fucking so so well I mean she's happy yeah that's that's another one to the list for me fetish list shit list yeah that's not good enough is it no I tell you what the massive one saving grace is he went back to hers yeah imagine or hotel room yeah still I bet she's not cleaned up after sounds like she's a 9.5 out of 10 are you still at the start of the night if you're getting all this information what's going to happen later on are you still going yeah she learns down her terms and conditions and she says listen I'm going to be rolling around like a pig in your shit you're free to leave at that point yeah yeah still and it's not my game as you know but but the hanky as well she's declawed yeah she's giving you that information neat little trick in it yeah wonder where she kept it I wonder if she knows I wonder if it's a certainty that that's gonna happen that you're gonna batch yeah I'm just fucking incredible not what they do with the beads is that but a couple of things from that.
53:09Same as you said, Chrissie, the fact that she's a Liverpool fan sat in an Everton seat, the fact that she's fit, she's got to be a murder. Yeah. Normally, they'd be like, fuck you, get her out. Get her out. Yeah. He's not held club royalties against her. Still shagged her. But the pleasure in herself with shit all over her, that's too much. I think I might actually vomit. Yeah. It's one of them, though. He's completed, hasn't he? He's finished. Yeah. Out. I'm gone yeah I think I am am I having a shower yeah I'm having a shower you've got to clean the shit up straight away or are you waiting until you get back to yours no I'm cleaning you're full of shit yeah you're at it walking you never know you might pull another bird out the way to your hotel and you're covered in fucking shit I wonder if she weighed him off with the anchor it's a master class from her innit yeah she knows exactly what she's doing if that always happens then that's that's a remarkable feat isn't it I wonder if she had her initials stitched into said hanky.
54:14Or a Liverpool FC Crescent. Yeah. I've shoved my fucking Liverpool hanky team up in Everton's arse. I suppose it's a peace of mind, because in those moments after he's shit everywhere, he thinks he's shit everywhere. Yeah, and he's... When he's realised what she's done with the old hanky trick, she's like a magician. Is it just me that's thinking that you would notice? if you had a hankie still hanging out the back of your arse? When you're in the moment, Chris. I think she knows exactly what she's doing. I think it's riding just with a seam. You know, I'm trying to think of an example. Yeah, a bit like when you're making a beef wellington.
54:51You put your pastry in your tray, but you've still got the little bit right on the top of the rim. The rim. Yeah. Yes, John. So the stuff's in, but you've still got the... And then you cut it off after. Yeah. But she's left it hanging. She's left a bit of pastry just outside for the finishing touches. but next minute. Has she slept in shit all night? I know. So many questions. So many questions. Not for me. They both got a draw out at game, didn't they? Yeah. Both got a point. I'm just going to rig myself there because I'm still signing up to her. Yeah. Because the first part of the night Yeah, really good.
55:26Herb. Textbook, but.
55:32Just on the C &C is that right yeah consent and no scent there's a hot no scent i'll consent to it but you stink i wondered what you were talking about in the papers at the minute hot topic news story it's all gone terribly wrong don't we to give you a breakdown yeah is it america It's America. Well, to be specific, in the quiet, tree-lined suburbs just outside Washington, D.C., the Banfield family looked like they had it all. I'm picturing white picket fences, the perfect American lifestyle. Former loan house. Brendan Banfield, 40, an IRS law enforcement officer, his wife Christine, 37, a paediatric intensive kernos and their four-year-old daughter nice house good jobs normal life but behind closed doors it was anything but normal because living under the same roof was their au pair so their nanny 25 year old juliana perez i'm going to stick with that because She does have a last name, but I can't say it.
56:54Who'd come over from Brazil chasing a better life. Only, she wasn't just helping with the childcare. She was having an affair with Brendan. Brendan. I can imagine this happens a lot. Yeah. Do you think a lot of women, when it comes to getting an au pair in... You've got a big, ugly one, don't you? A big, fat, ugly one. It's horrible to say it, but it will. yeah the interview process yeah what would you be if you get your applications out you come for the interviews and it's Julian comes in and he's ripped he's a yoga teacher on the side as well you want him me in ain't you pretty job get the big fat cunt in he'll do a job loves kids good with dogs as well you're trying to catch your shaggy dog that fucking why it's like to convince you Honestly, he'd be brilliant with a dog as well.
57:54She was having an affair with Brendan, and what started as a secret relationship quickly turned into something far darker. Divorce? Too messy. Too expensive. Too public. So instead, they came up with a plan. A plan that sounds like it's straight out of a film. They created a fake profile online on a fetish website in Christine's name. The idea? To lure a stranger with the promise of a home invasion fantasy. Someone who'd turn up expecting consensual role play and become the perfect fall guy. That man was 39-year-old Joseph Ryan. He had no connection to the family and no idea what he was walking into.
58:47Just one message, one decision, and it cost him everything. I'm going to take you back now. February the 24th, 2003. Inside the family home, their four-year-old daughter was downstairs in the basement playing, completely unaware of what was about to happen above us. Upstairs, Brendan was waiting. Joseph Ryan walks through the front door and within moments, chaos Juliana shoots Ryan dead in the hallway at the exact same time Brendan is in the bedroom stabbing his wife repeatedly it's brutal, it's fast and it's planned two people dead within minutes then comes the cover story Brendan calls 911 one, panicking, frantic, says he's walked in on an intruder attacking his wife, claims he shot the man in self-defence.
59:46To first responders, it looks believable. A violent home invasion, two bodies, a devastated husband, cased, closed. Almost. Because it didn't take long for things to unravel. Investigators started spotted holes. Timelines that didn't match. What, in the wife? Digital John. Digital traces from that fake profile and whispers about the marriage. The biggest mistake of all, Brendan and Juliana didn't stop seeing each other. You've got to put it on ice. Even after the murders. Phone records, messages, movements, it all started stacking up and eventually juliana cracks in 2004 she takes a plea deal admits everything how they planned it how they set it up how they lured ryan to the house and how they killed them both so fast forward to 2026 the courtroom is packed massive media attention brendan takes to the stand still claiming his innocence.
1:00:56Saying it was all a coincidence, a real home invasion, but the jury aren't buying it. Not with the digital evidence, not with Juliana's testimony, not with how perfectly it all lines up. After just two days of deliberation, guilty on all counts. Two counts of aggravated murder, firearms charges, child endangerment, he now facing life without parole. And Juliana, She thought her deal would save her. Prosecutors recommended leniency, but the judge had other ideas. Ten years, maximum sentence. Telling her straight, nothing could undo what she helped with. Two people dead, a child without a mum, an innocent man killed for simply answering a message, and a man whose job was to uphold the law, no spending the rest of his life behind bars.
1:01:53and what looked like the perfect suburban life turned out to be something far more dangerous because sometimes the biggest threat is already inside the house. Oh, surely to God it's better off just giving her the money. He's got greedy, hasn't he? He's got tight. Just give her... It's only money, innit? I mean, on the surface, I'm not condoning. Good idea. You know when they've sat down, I'll tell you what we could do.
1:02:29I mean, I'm not, like I said, it's all finished, murdered, dead people, and everything that is listed, but in terms of an idea of how to get around it. Sat having breakfast. Let me throw this one at you, love. Yeah. What do you think to this? So they've set up a fake account, invited the home invasion, and then he's just waiting for him to come and knock on the door. What about that poor bastard? The guy who'd come... Yeah, he'd just come and get his rocks off. Yeah. Fuck me. Just give her the money. So there we go. It was the after thing, wasn't it? The fuck that they haven't thought that. Good plan initially.
1:03:12Yeah. Everything went swimmingly and then after... Praising a double homicide. I know. But we're just... Good plan initially. but she's her arse has fell out yeah and then they've both been sloppy yeah they needed to stop shagging otherwise might have got away with it joking apart could it be could it be a romance that's blossomed in grief from the outside world but it just it's alarm bells isn't it for the the law enforcement phone records what about the poor daughter joking apart They've been sat there, yeah. Fuck me. They've gone. So she's got nobody now, has she? We've gone. We could kill her.
1:03:57And she's gone, no, no, we can't do it. Like, we'll get caught. We'll crack. How can we do it? Like, and he's both sat there thinking, and he goes, do you know what? I listened to a podcast the other day. Have you heard of that? C &C? Pass us that computer over here. We have got a Brendan on our Patreon list. Exactly. from that place. My God. PC Brendan, they call him, I think. That's his nickname. Obviously, we're not condoning double homicides. It's strange what fucking goes off, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, if you're going to get an au pair, make them ugly. Fat. You want a male cuddly one? Mm-hmm.
1:04:46well no further preferably gear what you want is Alan Carr in it yeah yeah go got goofy glasses yeah not gonna try shagging your eyes talk to your kids like you talk to dogs mm-hmm yeah yes it's you're asking for trouble if you if you employ a fit or pair you you've got half an eye on it on you I think from the outset what if you're the wife if you're the husband she might not be the best interviewee but you're thinking what am i looking at her putting some fucking washing machine i guarantee you we're interviewing au pairs and you know there were some better than others some not so good whatever and i went i reckon crystal's the girl for the job even if she's the best person for the job.
1:05:43I reckon Rosie's just going, nah. Nah, crystals in the bin. See? Yeah. Big fucking Moesha. Big Moesha, she's going to eat our Jessica snap, isn't she? Yeah. She's going to pass her some toast and she's going to take a couple of soldiers. Unhealth, bad habits. Yeah, yeah. All she's going to do is give her burgers when you're in her house. Yeah. Chips. Look at her. Yeah. That fucker's going to, she's going to make her Jessica fat. That there, with the beautiful slim body, with the purr arse, with the lovely breasts, long dark hair, she is going to be a great role model for our Jessica. Yeah. Healthy, exercise.
1:06:21It's what you want to distill into Jessica. If we can't be asked to take the dog for the walk... That fat fucker. If we can't be asked to take the dog for the walk, she'll take it happily. Calories, innit? Moesia, you'll fucking eat it. Moesha will tell us she's took the dog but she'll not fucking take the dog yeah be out in back shitting all over the garden fuck cow still her nah she's gone still not happening no chance she's got convictions you know Moesha oh it's fine she's alright she's done a ten stretch she's done a ten stretch she lost her last job for eating her fucking child's hand I know but she was really good apart from that shut up Moesha you've got the job start Monday everyone's got a past honestly she's sound but yeah yeah it's it's risky game that double homicide
1:07:23that's a bit different that story time yeah you'd read that well right on a genuine I'm hungry can we wrap this up is that it yeah sound for me before we do go live shows Reading Newcastle Stoke sold out Reading Stoke and Cardiff we've got left for Andy Robbins is coming on stage with us in Reading yes which is not far from here no it isn't yeah Shanners Shanners in Newcastle James Collins in Cardiff I don't know if he's going to sing he might I'm looking forward to James yeah because he was fantastic on the podcast he's heavy on the pints yeah i bet he can knock them back yeah not great when you will away the next day is it um mark crossley it's been a while since we've had norman hasn't it it's always a great normal best in the business normal sing 100 and we're backstage i'm well with my backstage we're flipping after party or whatever it is oh it's stoke stoke yeah I'm making an early exit so you two will have to and Matty can hold the fort get your set ready Matty it was a cracking night last time so yeah tickets still available for those three it'll be good to see you up the cosh up the cosh
1:08:54Here get in that pub, it's Friday Club. Bing, bang, gosh, with all of your favorites from under the cuss. So if you want to share a story or relive a form of glory, fatter the week or clapping them cheeks, maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.
1:09:16It's all here on the Friday Club. A father's absence can have a serious effect on a child. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school and 11 times more likely to exhibit violent behavior. I'm attorney Jeffrey Leving, and I've been protecting the rights of fathers for more than 30 years. Dads, don't lose your important relationship with your children. Call 312-356-DADS. That's 312-356-DADS for help and a free father's rights information kit. For more information, visit dadsrights.com.
From the publisher
Minds are being blown down the club this Friday with more tales of debauchery, including kidnaped dwarfs, randy bikers, hanky's, fringes, and ozempricks.
Get in touch: fridayclub@undrthecosh.co.uk
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
