Friday Club | Hippodonk

34:19Oh, right. You see, that's the main thing, no kids in size. Yeah. There was a bowser. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You can't criticise them. Why? Because they like them. What do you mean? You like that, they like them ass. They wouldn't be seen dead in a goofy jacket. No. I mean, goofy's like raked out, glisting out. Walt Disney characters. So you can't actually criticise anybody for that. Well I can't criticise anybody for anything really Well no We're all different aren't we John? We are We should embrace it We haven't addressed the amount of shit that we got When people were saying I'm assuming you've got A problem with people buying under the Cosh merch as well Which is probably a good point They're not football shirts They're not football shirts are they?

35:08Like I said I have no problem with F1 They're not football shirts They're shirts And they look nice with a pair of jeans, by the way. Yeah, that look a bit football-ish. Would you say that wearing an under-the-cost shirt is more Barry-ish than wearing a band shirt? No, nowhere near. Band shirts are the baddest of the lot. I really like this podcast. I'm going to buy the shirt and wear it. That's what I mean. No, it's a nice top. It's a nice top. It is, it is. It looks good. Good quality. Good. But it's a good point. Shows are there for September. That is the last under-the-cost shirt I've ever sold.

35:44but it's everyone went today it's the last one it's gone no point no point looking for them no more they're not a fucking thing well that's what I mean you can bury anything can't you yeah you can bury anything whatever you're interested somebody's into rugby I'm gonna as long as you put that voice on rugby shirts by the way I'm gonna run around and catch this funny shaped ball I've got my people are gonna hug me my harlequin my harlequin shirt on yeah there barries so as long as you put that voice on by the way it's shit Just before you went to the toilet, somebody said sexual predator. So speaking of sexual predators, George, come on, big stuff.

36:22Let's have a look at you. What's the opposite of sexual predator? I would say, what's it called when you're not interested in all polymigorous or something? What's asexual? George. There's that many now. I have no idea. Asexual means I don't think you're interested. Right. Well, we know that's not the case. Oh, there's a lot of interest. he sat there like one horny brother

36:51george come and sit on mine here come on george come on you're in we've only got three we've only got three chairs and three mics george left so many pull up the pew georgie can we just uh clarify george are you happy with these discussions because there was some comments made in the group about i think even bullying was mentioned in the workplace yeah yeah yeah that's all the comments but i'm more than happy with it there we go what's your drive spell or no no i'm not happy with that but just i'm glad he said that because you were going to get fucking kicked out of him did you know there's an instagram page there is not one is in their bloody ears.

37:35Have you set this up? I swear I have not set this up. I'll wait there. Got me finding it. George's support page. Nah, fuck it. George's support page. Only one following at the minute, but it'll be two in a minute. Help George with them emergency emojis and the red spinning lights. George is currently experiencing a dry spell of historic proportions. Give George a chance. Hashtag, because he's worth it. I like that bit. So the angle thing, everybody who listens, please follow this page. The page is called George and the Dry Spell. Please don't follow this page. What happened with your date, George?

38:26What answer would most piss you off? You went, it was fantastic, you ended up having sexual intercourse. That would really piss me off I cancelled Well you cancelled She was a vegan

38:42I'm gone

38:46You cancelled because she's a vegan George you're not currently in a predicament Where you can fucking cancelled Just because there's only eight minutes You can't be that picky George No no no no Hear the logic here I don't think I'd get on with a vegan I think they're going to be quite I'm Anthony careful yeah we've got vegan listeners there's no vegan listening to this I say John rather than George that last email you just read out no vegan is sitting through that do you not think I think vegans are typically easily offended yeah George they're not like some people just species they just don't eat meat I know I've been the cautious will agree with me no we're not this is George's views not anybody else on under the car vegans can get in the bin.

39:38I'm fucking weird on this, George, by the way, yeah. Vegans and under-cost shirt wearers. What about you if you're doing it for the animals? Yeah, you're an animal lover. Do you remember this? I am, but I still eat meat. Canceling a date. I mean, you don't have to marry the girl. You just have to pork her, George. Yeah, but it's our principle. George, you're well beyond the realm of principle at this stage. I don't think you should be worried about the dietary requirements. I'm going to the point where a vegan with one leg and one arm is... I'm doing it. George, eight months. Principles? You're talking to us about principles?

40:19Eight months? Are you mad? That is superb. Yeah, but... Or any of your friends vegan? I don't want to shag them. No, but... Do you know any vegans? No. Have you ever had a reasonable conversation with a vegan? Not sure if I've ever spoke to one. I'll rest my case. I've got a couple of vegan mates, are all right? You're fucking them off on the fact that you think there might be arseholes. There might not be arseholes. You just think that there will be arseholes. And you liked this girl before you knew she was a vegan, didn't you? Well, I hadn't met her, so... But on the message, was she... Yeah, she was fine.

41:01I can't believe you've cancelled Cushies. You're not in that position, George. The Cushies are going to be disgusted, aren't you? No, I think they're going to have my corner here. Do you think? They'll be like vegans in the bin. God. So then, George, here's one for you. So, you're at a train station in London and fucking Greta Thunberg is in the train station. You walk past each other, you meet eyes, And Greta's giving you the, oh, fucking come and have sex with me, George. Are you walloping her or not? No chance. You have any go on Greta Thunberg? I'm not on a... She's a bit young. She looks like.

41:43A bit young for me. She's about 12. Yeah, well, she's a lot young for me. So, yeah, but she's not... No, she's of age, isn't she? 23. 23? Oh, George has been well of age. She's seven years of age. So, would you not have sex with Greta Thunberg because it's Greta Thunberg? Yes. You wouldn't, are you? I wouldn't go anywhere near Greta Thunberg. Why? Eight months? What about eight months? Billie Eilish? Would you ever go on Billie Eilish? Yeah, probably. Vegan. Ariana Grande. Sorry, Ariana. George ain't interested. Not interested. Natalie Portman. Sorry to let you down, Natalie. George ain't interested.

42:24Portman used to be a favourite of mine. So what's next? Not a vegan.

42:32He wants somebody who works at an abattoir next. So, do you work at an abattoir? Yeah, sound. We'll go out for a drink. Just slaughter them. Yeah. Oh, you're out. This is what we're on about. You're not spraying your net white far enough, George. Unless you're a butcher's daughter. You're not interested. No, I'm not going to that extreme, but vegans don't tend to have reasonable opinions on stuff. very stereotypical that George very stereotypical I think you're very judgmental there George and I think we're starting to how did it come to light that she were a vegan just came up in conversation hi I'm a vegan and was it an instant red flag like was the messages few and far between after that yeah it slowed down a bit after that have you had the final like you're not interested are you shall we just leave it there or have you just ghosted her just ghosted you animal bad man George did you tell her the date was cancelled or did you just not turn up no she's still sat there now it's Tuesday we were supposed to meet a Friday she's still sat there now with a celery stick George where was the date pizza restaurant in Brighton bread and tomato puree isn't it and by the way vegans love sex as much as non-vegans.

43:59I definitely agree. It's the only meat that I really enjoy, George. Yeah, I can't argue with that. Yeah, I just think you're being far too picky there, George. Let's say you're single and she's a vegan. Being vegan isn't the problem for me, it's when they preach. Yeah. I don't like vegan preachers. Yeah. No, I agree with that, but I've never met a vegan who's not a preacher. we've had blaze on who've been vegan haven't we yeah a little more grew than them yeah yeah they've gone vegan for the for the health yeah benefits so to speak but i do think it was very much a craze at one time weren't it well it's took us a back that georgie yeah yeah well have you got are you speaking to any bit of an injury at the minute no no nothing in the pipeline nothing in the pipeline are you happy yeah I'm happy as happy as someone can be in this predicament have you had blue balls yet?

44:57a little bit but how many times have you masturbated in a week George? right see you later boys it's a serious question are we 2, 3 or 4, 5? 4, 5, oh so we're not far off daily not far off Tony yeah I think we can all have preferences yeah references I think maybe if he's fucked by the way he's fucked it's going to be at least 2030 bit time he's got legs in there I think I'm half expected though Georgie you've stuck to your guns it's not the time for principles no we just need to get semen coming out of George's willy in a girl leaky drain pipe yeah is that what we want yeah even if it's with Even if it's with a hippo, what do they call it?

45:51Hippodonk. Hippodonk. Yeah. No, it wouldn't put me off. If I was going on a date and she said she was a vegan, it wouldn't put me off. We'll give George and his giant dry spell a follow. Yeah. Can we get the handle up on the street? You know it's not me, George, because I don't know how to do an Instagram account. Would it put you off, John, a vegan?

46:19not to start with but I'd obviously go and try my best to make love to her but after that if you want to go to vegan restaurants I can't go to one of them would you struggle with vegetarians? no as long as they were happy to go to a normal restaurant that does vegetarian food I can't go to a vegetarian restaurant I like a bit of mate on my plate. It sounds like you're thinking more long-term, George, because you obviously want to align with personalities, with interests and everything, but that's not where you are, George. We're not talking about long-term alignment here. You're in a fucking very, very deep hole, George.

47:04All you need to do is just chuck a rope up. There's no sign of a rope ladder. Just to get out of the hole. Well, keep going. Yeah. Well he's not Max Ray anybody At minute has he Well join us next week For another instalment Of George and the Dryspell Quick message Gentlemen From our friends At Saley Heroes For you especially John Oh certainly we're in America Well Saley If you don't know Is the eSIM service app Brought to you By the creators Of NordVPN Which we love Obviously you know I'm not very technical All you need to do Is download the app To your phone installing eSIM so you can use data abroad instead of getting them horrible, horrible roaming charges.

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48:25Do you ever speak pipe? I'll tell you what he gives my kids is them car park wankers. You know the ones? Some silly old fucker puts on an Ivy's jacket. you're going out somewhere you go to the car park and he's waving you in waving to you there waving to you there there's a fucking car park that's based next to you but he wants to fucking fill his line off right at the very fucking top because he's a cock so you can put them in the bin because there's always some silly old fucker he obviously gets fucking bullied at home by his missus so he has to take it out on us and put him in the bin put the fucking other bin put all the car parks in the fucking bin we're going to park that's what we're talking the ones and you're going into somewhere and then yeah No, I'm not having this.

49:06At all. At all. Because while I was on holiday, we had to keep parking at the parks and stuff. And I was like, I tell you what, they have got this to a T. Because they get everybody in, and everybody has to park in lines, and you're just in, and you're out. And it's a well-oiled system. So you think they know the system better than you do? Yeah, they know what works. Why am I parking here when there's that space there? But they know the long game later on in the day when everybody's coming out at a similar sort of time. Can you imagine if it were a free-for-all? And then you'd be driving up and down looking for a spot.

49:39Yeah, I'm not putting this in. Yeah, there's every chance you could get blocked in if you park where you want. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not putting it in either. Have you ever heard that urban legend? Whether it's true or not, I really hope it is. And I can't remember if it's... Do you know this, mate? Is it like Southport Zoo or something like that, where everybody would turn up and there were a guy that would park you in a pound parking and then people would go obviously for years and everything and one year he weren't there and someone said oh what's happened do you not have to pay for parking anymore and they were like you've never had to pay for parking and it was a bloke who used to live local and he used to just turn up in car park every day taking a pound off everyone Bristol Bristol so is it is it a confirmed story I can remember that I can remember the it's one of them isn't it like an urban myth i'm sure there's one as well about the mersey tunnel i'm sure this is real as well about the and i think they went down for it that they were um for an hour a day we could because obviously back in the day you just chuck your coins in like a toll and they used to put a carrier bag the workers and people who chuck the money in for an hour a day they keep an hour's worth of money so would you then they got caught because they were turning up in like mucks and stuff because you i mean an hour on mersey tunnel you're probably making a couple of grand a day but would the folk who chuck the money in would they get the tickets or not i don't know like i said i don't know the details it's one of them that you were just that your dad told you about so you've been done by an urban myth if i were the judge i'd just think fair play lads yeah you're fucking you've done well here little slap on the wrist Did you hear the one when, you know, the average speed cameras on the M62?

51:32That if you change lanes. Yeah. You told me this myth. Yeah. And up until recently, I had nine points on my license, all for SP50s. Well, I ended up with 21. On M62. 21 points. Six-month ban. 21 points? 21 points. I don't even think you'd get 21 points. It was when I was at Dongaster, and I was probably living at yours. and obviously when I went back I never used to check me post and I just got a thingy I accumulated 21 points because you weren't replying did they have points on or was it just I just knew that I was fucking bother by the way it was it was so funny so I did exactly the same right so as Brownie said never answered his post we're on 21 points went to court he went to court right you got a solicitor didn't you how much did your solicitor cost you a few grand i think it was 1200 quid 1200 quid for solicitor right how much did you get fined oh i think it were two and a half grand yeah i probably i'll go with that so it was two and a half grand fine 1200 pound for solicitor banned.

52:52Six months? Six months. Exactly the same thing happened to me. My car must have been still registered in Cardiff because I was at Fleetwood. So I've got six points. No, I've got six points. I've got another three and then I've ignored, well, I've not ignored it. Poor's gone to the wrong gal. So I'm on 12, so I'm looking at a ban. So I spoke to the Fleetwood chairman, says I'm fucked here. He says, leave it with him, my solicitor will work for you. He says, how much is it? He says, he'll charge you 250 quid. I'm like, sound, get him in. I went to Black Bull Court. Black Bull Court went in, met him.

53:36Hiya, mate, all right. He says, look, just say you're dumb. I'm like, well, not a big problem. No problem whatsoever. Not a big problem. So I got letters from the club saying he does loads in the community. You know what I mean? it goes to schools XYZ is an absolute ambassador for Fleetwood Town Football Club so we gave this letter to the judge so the judge went okie dokie I can see the mistake obviously with the addresses it's just a mistake so from your 6 points I'm going to give you the original 3 points and the original fine 60 quid so I'm in for 60 pounds from the original fine I'm on nine points I can still drive and it's cost me 250 quid for a solicitor.

54:23I phoned him up. I bet we're only six months after, wasn't it? Really, mate? Phoned him. Fucking hell, Brown, you never guess what's happened. Ban. Big fine. Solicitor's cost through the roof. I went, no, it's cost me 250 quid and it's cost me 60 quid for me fine and I can fucking drive over. him. Human. He just went he's a fucking button. He's had to go on fucking Facebook marketplace and buy a bike. I got nicked it out. I tell you that one. Clarence Dock in Leeds. I've got the worst chain ever. Hold on a minute. What? You're on a pedal bike. I had to. I used to pedal from Clarence Dock to Leeds train station every morning and get the train from Leeds to Donny but I got Nick I left outside the Tesco I was only in about three minutes some bastards chopped the chain and took me by which me on four because it was shit chain shit chain shit chain it was literally we in six months it's cost you near on four grand in your band it's cost me 200 I think that was it four grand in total it's cost me 310 quid I could fucking drive about happy as Larry so pretend I was happy for you oh sounds so moot so have you been going to M62 under the premise that if you swap lanes you don't get dumb yeah so if you go you know the yellow things that come across yellow are you not noticing flashing by David Bailey behind you they don't flash so if you're in the middle lane passing one of them cameras someone said if you swap lanes before you get the next one you can't pick it up so you were doing this constantly but all the time these letters are coming in points, points, points, but you're not opening your post I mean I'm not the best at opening my post when I'm living in the house never mind when I'm not living in the house so every time I went back I just, oh, it looks heavy that pile you just put it at the back of your head to the point where don't worry, don't worry Bradley, I'll drop you off at the station I'd miss a few court dates you know about that one it's like really important shit I was supposed to be in court yesterday yeah I bet it was within six months so on at your bike as well it's up for you Western Georgies

57:07so I'm like thinking obviously with whatsapp and with brownie i'm in for i'm in for yeah a fair few grand expecting the worst of you i'm banned i work an hour and i work 115 miles away from home i'm in i'm in bother here young and you'll be three maybe i've been right bothered got back in my car like me am i gonna ring you and your boy you got a long drive oh i know traffic traffic's killing me i think i was bloody bike lanes i was in halford to get the new bike did you wear an helmet no no like it was do you know what in a weird way i kind of enjoyed it the six month ban in a weird way yeah like on the morning actually not got kids then had you no no kids and i changed your routine and obviously i used to sometimes walk if i couldn't if i had a lift at the other end yeah donny i wouldn't bother taking my bike so i just walked through the city and quite enjoyed it was weird yeah no i i can see that i didn't have it a bit of free head space in the morning i could walk into town yeah but if i like if it was now obviously i'd be but yeah the bike chain just the bike uh what was that yeah is it a chain is that urban myth groomed groom oh go on it was it was surreal like a short space of time it were from you getting banned to me being in blackpool what kind of vibe did you have it was a good one yeah so i should have backed that up with a what just like a road bike or no it wasn't a ruse a chopper yeah a bmx fuck off it wasn't a racer bmx is a thingy no your BMX is like the old school.

59:05Oh, right. No, what's them? Just a robot. Mountain bike. Sorry, yeah. A BMX. All the way to Leeds Station doing ollies.

59:18Chucking papers in people's gardens. Go on, have that. Doing grinds down handrails. Fucking LEP evening post. Have that, bastard.

59:31Groomed by... groomed by Zelda from Terror Hawks. I don't know what Terror Hawks is. It was a show back in the day, wasn't it? I don't know. All right, boys, love the pod, blah, blah, blah. Thought I'd share one of the most bizarre pulling slash near-miss stories from when I was young, a young lad. It also adds a question. Did I have a near miss or was I groomed by an older bird? The story goes like this. It was 2007. I was a young 20-year-old lad who had just got my security license. Bouncing? Must be bouncing. I imagine if you're a security guard in a shopping center, you need some kind of certification.

1:00:28That summer, I started working down south with a firm that did security at concerts and sporting events. He's a bouncer, isn't he? While working away, I met a lad. We'll call him Niron Nosworthy for the sake of the story, as I believe he occasionally listens to the podcast. Is it Niron? Niron used to be something centre-half. Yeah, but does Niron listen or does... It's his mate. Later that summer, I was moving to a different town for a permanent security work, and Niron suggested I move in temporarily with him, his stepmum, and her two kids. Sound, I thought. Even though Niron himself was only there temporarily, it gave me somewhere to crash while I found my feet.

1:01:22Niron's stepmum was a lass we'll call her Jemima. She was 40 years old, divorced from a previous marriage and also had separated from a relationship with Nairon's old man. Bad days, I'm having to do with my finger. Pick up on the last. I definitely picked up on it. I don't think I've read like that since I was five. You're concentrating though, well done. At the time, Nairon was dating a lass who was a steward for the security firm we worked for and she was round the house constantly. They were always getting lovey-dovey on the sofa. One day, Jemima says for a laugh, let's just pretend we're dating, just take the piss out of them.

1:02:08So I started with random hand rubs in her company, which were clearly meant as a joke and were taken as such. Just a sec, I have been completely distracted by the finger here. Who's her here? So he's working with Nairon Nosworthy. Yeah. And he's moved in with her step-mum. His step-mum. Nairon's step-mum. And... Are you following? Not really. And I've got my finger out on all, you fucking arsehole. So he's pretending with Nairon's mum that them two were a couple to Nairon. Right. Yeah. His mates come round and... His mate lives there, but he's pretending that him and Nairon's mum have cracked on.

1:02:58Right. At the time, Nairon was dating a lass who was a steward at the school of a firm. So it started with random hand rubs in their company, which were clearly meant to load. Have I? No, I am. Oh, you started early. One thing led to another, and she's grabbing the old meat shifter. Before I knew it, she was sucking me off on the sofa to my complete disbelief. I might have skipped some.

1:03:30Quit on here. I don't know. So it started with random handrooms in their company, which were clearly meant as a joke and were taken as such. Flirty comments, etc., etc., until one day she started holding my hand when they weren't in the room. I skipped something. I was like, that escalated quick. Might have skipped an important paragraph. So it's all done for a bit of a laugh in front of him and then as time goes on, this is escalating. She's obviously got a bit of, she holds a bit of a... She's holding his hand while nobody else is in the house. Yeah. One thing led to another and she's grabbing the old meat shifter.

1:04:10Before I knew it, she was sucking me off on the sofa to my complete disbelief. jemima was a petite blonde with a great figure but a bit of a weathered face and looked closer to 50 than 40 not a bad looking bird probably tied you in her day but certainly not the best i'd pulled a solid five so she's one of them like you know you look at them and you think oh you know back in the day i bet that would fit anyway before i knew what was happening I found myself basically living in her room and shagging her daily. This is his mate's mum. Yeah, who'd invited him to come and stop while he found his feet.

1:04:56It was almost like I'd entered into a relationship that I hadn't agreed to. When we'd go out, people thought she was my mum. One night when I was working on the doors, a lass who was a solid eight who I went to school with tried chatting me off. And before I could even register it, Gemma spawns out of nowhere to wade her off. Right, so this is turning into a relationship now, isn't it? Without him really knowing. Yeah. So some birds come up to him in the nightclub. Yeah, that he's interested in. She's attractive. Yeah. Literally, like she had been down from the fucking Starship Enterprise. For my 21st birthday I went out with my parents and family for a meal, only to be picked up by Jemima afterwards, leaving me to awkwardly explain to my parents that she was my landlady and not some random nymphomaniac woman 20 years my senior that I was now sharing a bed with.

1:06:03things started to unravel very quickly. First, she booted Niron out of the house for no reason. She kicked her fucking son out. Surely Niron knows when he's going to bed he's going in his mum's room. He's never had the best vision, Niron. He was a good defender but never the best vision. He didn't kick it, wasn't he? Then I overheard her telling her mates and her ex-husband that I was far better father to her two kids than he ever was. Her kids being only seven and eight years younger than me. This is getting psychopathic. To put a timescale on it, I moved in around late September. It was now mid-November.

1:06:51Absolute madness. So it's two, three weeks? No, we weren't talking sober at. Eight weeks. You're missing chunks out all over, Chopita. Eight weeks, basically, and she's gone.

1:07:11I'm going to have to stop reading these out, mate. Or drinking Peroni. Yeah. She later casually told me she once tried to poison her hex husband by putting small amounts of Tippex in his mashed potatoes because she mistreated her. Ooh. I think he needs to erase her, doesn't he? I don't think that's how poisoning works. You can't just stick a couple of drops of Tipex in and he's gone. Is this bad for you, like? I can't imagine it's great. Is that an urban? I remember hearing it at school. Might have to do a litre of Tipex. Not one mash. Okay, so basically I'm not eating anything from now. At this point I'm thinking, I need to get the fuck out of here.

1:07:56Then she suggested I should get my wages paid into her account So we can sort out the bills easier She offered to put me on her car insurance And tried to convince me to get rid of mine so we could save I declined obviously Thankfully the end was near Even though I'd never touched her food cupboard One day she yelled at me for supposedly eating all the crisps in the house I'm like a fucking salt and vinegar I'm like I'm like I fucking salt and vinegar I like my salt and vinegar no it says I'm like I fucking salt and vinegar so this one's not actually my fault are you sure it's salt and vinegar and not salt and vinegar

1:08:46so bad this because he used me the worst reader didn't he I'm going to have to get some glasses I'm like I fucking salt and vinegar is the exact thing it says but yeah if this gets me out of this I'll own up to eating her bum sweet scented crisps anyway I ended up being relegated back to my original bedroom as I tried in vain to get alternative accommodation that's difficult as well to go back to the original bedroom she's never like that then she dropped a bombshell she told me she'd been in a relationship with another doorman before me and now she wanted to give things another go with him my reaction fucking yes hallelujah i told her to give me a week to sort my stuff out and i'd be gone during that week she's bringing this guy around the house he's her age a nice bloke and he's clearly thinking i was just a lodger and i'm thinking it's a good job this fella isn't bodger the badger or else he's gonna fucked over by the mashed potato well lads a few days later i woke up to her sucking me off after i finished she just casually casually fucked off next door at that moment i texted my mate and arranged to move the very next day i ended up moving in with a polish family until i get my own pad sized up the whole situation left me mentally and sexually knackered fast forward to now i'm 39 and still living in the same town i've got a successful job a stunner and together we've got a couple of kids occasionally i see jemima in the shops once in a blue moon it's always somewhere random like a pound stretcher or bnm bargains when i'm buying protein or a bag of compost and she usually drags around a brew beaten fellow of my own age of her own age.

1:10:44I'm done with these Friday clubs, mate. These days, she resembles Zelda from Terrorhawks. Does that have got pictures of her? Yeah, she doesn't look fast. Mmm. And looks old enough to be my gran. She either chooses not to acknowledge me or generally doesn't recognise me anymore. Either way, it remains the single weirdest footnote of my adult life. My mates often joke I was groomed. What do you think? As for Niron, we bonded a year or so later over what was a complete headcase she was. We're still pals on Facebook now, but he lives abroad. I would appreciate that amount of tea, as I don't want to embarrass the lad if he cottons on to it being his mother.

1:11:35Anyway, all the best guys up the fucking cough. done me that was a whirlwind that's my last uh that's my last ever read i've even gone i've even gone with my finger i mean to give you a bit of defense john you have had four pints of perona i see i'm uh if i'm living there i think i'm having a bash on it i'll start with yeah but then the biggest taking a turn on us the big mistake is going to staying in bed with her yeah he's made a big mistake there he needs to go in do his work and go back to his own room i mean it's a line stepped anyway i mean niron still live in there initially i might have missed this and uh money blah blah blah there but does not know no no that's the other email yeah yeah that's bad that shagging your mates well started right with with somewhere to stay Shagging your mate's mum's bad, isn't it?

1:12:33What about shagging your mum's mate? You're looking at me for all your dicks. You looked at me? Yeah, I was looking for you. I was just changing the word in. Why have you shagged your mum's mate? Which one?

1:12:57Glass butlins.

1:13:02what was I going to say

1:13:06Sandra 96 well no he hasn't been groomed has he no he's of age isn't he but he's taking advantage hasn't he he's taking advantage of a man in a sticky situation yeah it's all escalating Nairon must be slack not to pick up on anything but the question's not about Nairon's intelligence I know right chaps I think that's us are we done live shows can we get an update just on the date Tickets are few and far between. Really? I don't have for nothing. Well, tickets are available for Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Sheffield, www.underthecosh.com slash live. Also, SpeakPipe links in the description. Emails.

1:13:47I've got to get some more emails in. Emails in. Well, I'd like a lot more female SpeakPipes. Yeah, there are a few in there. Are there? I'll have a dig. I'll have a dig. There's a couple in there. Female emails. can I put a pin in this forfeit for the fantasy football well even if it's not jumping out of the plane Mattie's got to jump out to be fair we did say we'd have the vote and the what was the winner of the vote George I think 24 hours is a bit heavy I don't know where 24 hours wait a minute by the way when you know when you're tailed off you can't just say 24 hours is an option but then And when you're thinking, I might be in bother, ooh, 24 hours heavy.

1:14:28Yeah. It was your idea, wasn't it? No, the idea was from when the pub opens to when the pub shuts. And George upgraded it on the post for 24 hours in a pub. That's not true. You need a 24-hour pub open. Yeah. And I remember saying, we'll do well to find a pub that's open 24 hours. Well, I thought it was worth it. But either way, you've got to get it down with you. hours anyway aren't you so we got you and mate looking like you're going to be in a pub together after how many hours will pace immediately be slop dropping the other one was uh with an under the cosh tattoo that got through in i think you should do you have to do both do you think i'd be up for a cosh tattoo

1:15:19and i think we have got um i want an investigation that by the cosh tattooists what I want investigation, internal investigation. What? When he's picking his team. I know. I know. Oh, my God. All right. Whatever. Do whatever you want. Investigate as much as you want. He's making out that he hasn't got history. I know. I told you. That's why they call me Honest John. I told you last year I got help in my team. You were part of the help to start with. Exactly. You performed. Exactly. That's what I'm getting at. So what do you go now, an advice centre? I smell a fish. A rat. A leaky rat. Yes. Pipe.

1:16:06I might have signed up to an AI advice centre. What? Hold on a minute. Can we just get a replay of his face when I initially said that there's something going on? Of course I am. I don't even know how to use AI, you know, for one million percent. You're on Claude all time. I think you all know. There's something going on. Yeah. And I will get to the bottom of it. I'm not bothered. I'm not going to win and I'm not going to lose. I will because I'm at bottom at pile. If I can get off on any technicality, I will do. Let's do you at bottom at pile. Here's the media. Is George in the forfeit? George is in.

1:16:51He's done his team. right gents till next week it's been good to be back in the room it's an absolute pleasure we're back down London working stopping in a crack den it's fucking fantastic and thanks for concentrating again on your reading well done till next week cheerio to a little bit

1:17:23Bing, bang, bosh, with all of your favorites from under the castle. If you want to share a story or relive a form of glory, butter the wheat or clapping them cheeks, maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.

1:17:41It's all here on the Friday Club. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon but this summer mint mobile has a better tree every plan including unlimited is 15 a month and unlike ice cream it won't uh drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture does anyone have any cash give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch up front payment of 45 for three months 90 for six months or 180 for 12 month plan required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra new customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy see terms