Friday Club | One,Two , Skip a Few

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1:04Hey, hey, it's the Friday Club, the weekend's here, get in that pub, it's Friday Club, Bing, bang, vosh, with all of your favourites from under the cuss, So if you wanna share a story or relive a form of glory, Futter the wheat or clapping them cheeks, Maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank, It's all here on the Friday Club.

1:30It's all here on the Friday Club.

2:01right fucking frozen I wear thing is this is how stubborn that you're I rather than go look for some you've just thought off fuck them this is I am taking this opportunity this episode right now is an intervention for you John you you you're a fully grown man what why what should I do you were first here you could have come in at any time and pick to bed got any bed you want right there's a there's a fold-out bed upstairs, upstairs, that you could have pulled out, no problem, because no one's done it for you, you've got a couch, and now you're grumpy this morning. I'm very much to the school, you don't leave a man behind.

2:45You were first here. That's leaving a man behind, that. Somebody should have said, right, just come and get in with me. So you've travelled down on your own yesterday, and got here first. Yeah. And the rule is, if you're first here, you claim your bed. You were here half a mile before. Well, I'm a different person to you all then, because I wouldn't have left a man on there. I would not have left a man on there. That's all I'm saying. So there'll be a time when it comes around and I'll just... There's a bed upstairs. Is there? All right, sound. There's too many pillows, too many quilts in my room.

3:21Getting a football from me. It was fucking hot as well. I do think it's taking the piss you having three heaters in your room and leaving John cold. I do need to say, there's no way me and the big lad should be sharing a double when you two get a bed each. I will stick up for you on that. There is four beds in the room. I'm first one to get on the couch. I've done many couches, mate. And I'm second behind you, just. Many couches. Well, you're getting fuck off on me today. Not even reading an email, you can fuck off. Carry on. You can't be grumpy, John. Eh? You can't be petulant like this. Well, I am.

4:02I think you've changed too much. Like, we were talking about you having a poo last week. You know when, you know what? Andriah's freshener, worried about it. Usually, you just get in the bed. You wouldn't ask. You just get in. I mean, in Germany, you stole my bed. Do you think he's gone walk? He's gone, yeah. Do you know what? He's gone soft in his old age. No, Matt, his wallet nicked and card's gone. and we've obviously said to get a new card and that. Swear to God, if the card had been operational, I'd have been in that shard last night. I'd have been in fucking bubble bath like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman with me Walkman on.

4:40If the card didn't work, I'd have done it as well. Just to say, fuck you, I'm stopping at shard. Have your little beds. Come around, don't worry, come around, and I'll be sat there like a fucking Cheshire cat brimming. mark my words oh the venom so somebody read a fucking email let's get this shit finished I'm right I'm going in good Phil Mitchell and drinking piss now lads thought I'd let you all take a break from the shagging stories and tell you a quality night out story I had it was a good few years ago I was at uni although I didn't move away I regularly went up to Newcastle to get involved with the student life.

5:25One night, I think it was a Wednesday, Steve McFadden, or as he is better known as Phil Mitchell from EastEnders, was doing a club appearance. Me and three other lads decided to journey up from Hartlepool for a laugh. Upon arriving at the bar, we found that it was packed, full of student EastEnders fans, I assume. One of my mates decided that the toilet was too busy, so decided to take a piss in his empty vodka and lemonade cup and leave it on the side of a wall that had iron bars leading to the dance floor. To our surprise, someone from the other side of the wall picked up the cup full of piss and began to drink it.

6:05He drank his way through the full cup, giving a few sips to his mates. Assuming he was a skint student looking to get a free drink or an opportunistic scruffy cunt with a taste for urine. Do you think he's giving it a taste like, does that taste off to you? Well, surely it was going to be warm-ish, innit? You'd think so. I mean, it's good to have a... But has he just thought, oh, it's quite strong, this? Because if there was a centimetre full of vodka and lemonade at the bottom, it would obviously... You'd still give him some of the flavour. Yeah. There's no froth on top. That's what I was thinking.

6:44Because it might think it's a cocktail. To our curiosity, my mate filled up another cup of piss and put it on the side again. The fucker only drank that one as well. My mate, who pissed like a trooper, filled up another cup, same result, and again, and again. Five cups of piss this lad drank in a bar while awaiting the appearance of Phil Mitchell. I forgot about Phil, actually. The sixth attempt was not so successful as it was spilled towards our direction. Karma for feeding students piss. Anyway, Phil Mitchell came out, but we had our fun at that point and decided to head back home after hearing him ask the crowd if they prefer Peggy or Dot.

7:32I've had a few hangovers in my time, but I've never woke up with five cupfuls of piss in my belly before. Love the pod, lads. Keep it up. See, I once went to see Wagner, right? We spoke about it as an appearance. But he sang. Yeah. What does Phil Mitchell do at an appearance? Like just waving to a spanner? Is he going to be DJ Booth? Yeah, he probably has got his own playlist, hasn't he? Yeah. I've seen Barry... Barry? Was it Barry Chuckle? Oh. He's a DJ, no, isn't he? He DJed. I once watched Dr. Carl Kennedy from Neighbours do an acoustic set. That's what I mean? Yeah, he's doing something. Phil Mitchell what can he do like to entertain a crowd of students just get out my pub do all the classic lines yeah not entertainment that is it I don't know why we're focusing on the celebrity appearances here rather than this lad drinking six pounds of piss I mean I don't think I've ever been drunk enough to think oh we'll drink cups of piss you're kipping aren't you yeah from one do you think he knows and he's into it no it's warm isn't it even if there's a bit of body lemonade in the bottom it's still going to be too warm that's not going to keep it cool enough to warrant it being a drink a gig before and had a full pint of piss hit me in the chest warm frothy I had to go shut off security come over you can't have your shut off I don't know if that was a rule of the venue I think people wearing less area chess might have got away with it that was putting people on they were just like put your shirt on that was a spoiling concert put your shirt on and I said it's covered in piss she went you're alright you're alright you two were disgusted last night weren't you we saw a fella running the streets of London that was ridiculous absolutely ridiculous do you want to your mob this do you think do you want to your mob nah I'm going to say it was cold fucking it was freezing it was freezing and this bell ends running, weaving through the crowds of London, no shirt on.

9:50Shorts, socks, trainers. Yeah. Why? I'm going to say... Bobat? He had a Bobat on. See, like, that was Christmas Day runners for me. I've got no sympathy for him if he gets knocked off her. It was a strange one. Have we spoken about the high rocksers? I think they're all wankers and all them high rocks folks. Who's the worst in your opinion? The high rocks crossfitting mob. They're both in the same boat. What's the difference? Are you going with the same brush? What's the difference? Well, high rocks is like one specific thing where you're running, you come back to an exercise run. It's always the same.

10:33Same routine? Yeah. You always do the same workout. Right. But crossfit's just a different workout. Bit of a mix. Yeah. I can't just tie them with the same brush, John. You're going to be a wanted man, you know. Wait until Brad gets his hand on you. Eh, fuck him. I'm in a bad mood, aren't I? You're all wankers. Is there a big rivalry between iRockers and... Well, iRockers are proper ones, aren't they? They're just playing at it with what they do. iRockers are proper athletes. Is there a rivalry? Are you like, are them iRock's wankers? I don't know, to be honest. And they're like CrossFit. But a lot of CrossFitters will do iRock's.

11:07A lot of iRock's won't do CrossFit. In my experience, you can cheat at CrossFitting. You can't cheat at IROX. You can't. You can't. You can't. There's somebody watching you. Somebody's next to you watching you, doing your press-ups, your sit-ups, whatever, your box jumps, whatever. You're a mob. You just go and do it all on your send. Cheats. You could be a, what's it called? You're a CrossFitter, you. You can cheat. That's a point at Baldy, by the way. You can cheat at your game, can't you? Right or wrong? The thing is, if you go to a proper CrossFit competition, and there's judges there. I'm on about in the gym.

11:45You say cheat, John. It's like, I'll do as many as I want to do. Oh, you've took it back to yourself. Who are you that told me I have to do 15? I'm doing 10. That's sound. Do you know, like, serious, you know when you get on your, in fact, you've told me. You've told me about people who've got reputations for once we miss a few. Swerving a few. One, two, miss a few. 9900. Let's take a bit of friction in the group. You told me many a time. In whose house you went to last week? What the fuck?

12:20What were you called? Brad? I can't remember. Is he a skipper? Yeah. Brad? Yeah. The thing is... Bollocks Brad they call him. It's like when you've got a reputation of being tight in the gym. That's the thingy, yeah. You don't want to be known as a shaver. Would you rather be known as being tight or being a skipper? Probably tight. Everybody looks down their nose at a one-two miss a few. Yeah. In fact, everybody will talk. Talking behind your back. Anybody who listens in the Manchester gym, keep their eyes on Brad. That's all I'm saying. This is what he's told me in the past. Keep your eyes on Brad.

12:59I think they do call him half-rep Brad. Yeah. He doesn't shave that he'll just do. He'll nearly do a full rep. Yeah, bobbins Brad. I thought I'm going to get filled in, aren't I? And then the other one, oh, what they call him? The other one who used to cheat the whole time. Tall one with bold head, what they call him? You know exactly what I mean, what I've met. That big muscly one. Yeah, yeah. But tall one with bold head, cheating bastard. By the way, there'll be a lot of people hating this conversation. Yeah. But there'll be the same people that said we do too many shagging stories, so.

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14:13Do you mind when you've got... And you've talked a lot about your floppy little soldier, John. The only floppy little soldier I have, mate, is when I dip into my chucky eggs. Now, to be fair, I had a friend who was having some problems little bold thing he is glasses, beard, fat and to be fair to him he got online, he had his appointment and he's never looked back I know what you mean, and he told me how easy it was, just a short online consultation and they suggested the right treatment for his concerns and they cover everything from erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation all from the comfort of your own home.

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16:14Anyway, I've got a story for you that happened four years ago and I still think about it to this day. I was working at McDonald's during my studies. Baldy might know it. Served many pissed-up Bolton fans on a Saturday match day. I wonder if it's one near me. It's a complex thing, isn't it? Anyway, this one lad caught my eye. Proper cheeky chap flirting with me by shooting antibacterial spray at me.

16:43If that doesn't say I fancy you better than no else does, does it? Yeah, I've been that in your eye. and slapping my arse as he passed the kitchen. Well, I would say HR Everfield Day. I'm assuming he's wicking there and he's not a customer. Yeah, he's got to be. Is he going spraying eyes so she can't see who it is and then slapping his arse so he can just get away with it? It's a bald, bald double, isn't it? Yeah, especially if you've got a bit of Big Mac sauce on your hand. Making sure our breaks were at the same time, etc. Very romantic. As it goes, the flirting paid off. And after a very short time of chatting on Insta, after he asked my manager my name, I'd like...

17:24He asked the manager the name. Is this after the spray and grope? That's what I was thinking. If he's gone... Grope? It's only a tap, but we've gone grope. You can't go pepper spray, bum slap, and then be asking somebody else for your name. You've got to be on first name terms for a bum slap. What's a name? Do they not have badges anymore? With their names on? Yeah. I might have gone second name. But if she's in kitchen. Or maybe he means Instagram name, tag. Maybe. Would I boss not? We're getting too deep. He might be more friendly. Far too deep. We started seeing each other. It was this one time I went round to his house.

18:05Must have been a month of seeing each other. We sat on the bed and inevitably it started to happen. First time then? Sounding like it. His whole family were in. so I had to be quiet so as it starts happening hanky panky if you haven't caught on yet in brackets he suddenly stops I turn around and say what's wrong so we've all got an idea of the position if we wanted to paint a picture he said can you leave the room a minute so he stopped mid thrust she's gone for the look over the shoulder do you mind just popping out the room for a minute I'm assuming she's going to get dressed because family hurt yeah does she put her clothes on It's a mood killer, whatever is the outcome.

18:50I was flabbergasted. What had gone wrong? As it was still early days, I was very shy in the house, so I decided to stand in the bathroom across from his room. Awkward. I must have been there for about ten minutes, making random coughing noises to make it clear to the others in the house that the bathroom was occupied. I messaged him and asked if I could come back in. He said... I just took a phone. Sure. I was so confused. I'm confused here. So go with a casual shawler as well. Would you call emoji? Almost as if he forgot, or thumb up. Yeah. Almost as if he forgot that you were there. As I walked back in the room, I was met with a cloud of Lynx Africa, absolutely suffocating the room, and all of his bedding completely stripped.

19:39In the back of my head, I knew exactly what had happened. He'd shat himself mid-shag. What a nightmare. But best of all, he decided to carry on watching Netflix as if nothing had happened. This is great. We're getting this from the female perspective. Are we saying he's physically shit himself or like sharted? I'm thinking. Or is it just a bad pump? I'm thinking it's a wet, sloppy one, maybe a bit of dribblage, and he's panicked and gone. Could you just give us a minute? I mean it could be just a bad fart. He's got first jump on the smell and gone, I need to do something here. Get her out. He stripped the bed though, hadn't he?

20:21Why would you strip the bed? I missed that bit. Yeah. Yeah, there's debris. Bad first shags, isn't there? Bad first shags and this is right up there, even if he's not shit himself. Shocking as it is, I continued to see him and it took him nearly a year to fess up to what had actually happened, as if I didn't have a clue. Four years later, we're still going strong Oh, nice It was in fact my boyfriend Who has recently introduced me to Friday Club And we recently have gone on holiday Where our pool days were filled with Sharing AirPods listening to the pod That's cute This wasn't the first time this sort of thing has happened though And it won't be the last More often than you think I'll get a message off him at work saying Well, that's another pair of boxes in the bin Or when I've had to grab him napkins from Greg's as he'd shat himself in the car when we were out.

21:15He's got a gluten issue. I think he needs to go see a doctor. It's a similar situation to you, John. I think he needs to maybe have a check-in on the gluten. McDonald's and Greg's are going to have to go in the bin with your underpants. Just thinking that, I really hope he's not still working at McDonald's. You know, when he's shitting his scent. Taking the boxes off and then flipping the burger. Although this would have turned a lot of girls away He's extremely funny Very caring and my best friend And I'm glad I've stuck it out with him Pictures attached Cheers for all your vlogs and pods guys I have recently moved to Derbyshire for a job So we are now long distance And I drive up every weekend So the pods have filled my hours On the motorway All the best And there's a photo here Not shit all the way out of his legs is there The man himself oh that's from it looks like an Irish bar yeah I remember it Liverpool no Derby remember when we recorded with Waggy you went out on the Friday I remember speaking to them and did he smell of shit he asked us if I had any napkins handy so I'm assuming he's done well for himself considering he's a phantom shitter Millie I think her name was bloody hell is it do you remember his name do you fuck

22:39shitbag steve or something lovely start but he's gone a long time they had 10 minutes he's not even invited her back in has he no did the finisher set but he's this is running through his head he's gone he's like she's gonna come in links africa filled the room i've stripped the bed it's obvious what's happened what do i do do i tell her and then he just got i'm just gonna put Breaking Bad back on. Yeah. It would be awkward. And the sheets in the wardrobe? Remember, they've only been going out a month. The sheets in the wardrobe or what? Has he just stuffed them in other clothes? I know. He definitely wants to get to the doctors and get checked out gluten.

23:19By the way, if I was single, I would be investing in one of them antibacterial things that you can put on your belt. Morning! Straighten their eye. that's a proper nerds attachment that innit yeah walking in the gym letting loose on folk anti-back and a bunch of keys on your belt yeah on one of them extendable cords with a tape measure always tinted glasses as well what these type of people yeah okay I'll train on way down yesterday so I've got sat down and there's three women across on the thing. Probably late 50s. But like because it was quite smartish. You know what I mean? Coming down to London to go and watch a show like a hot day and then going home.

24:14Well to do ladies. Yeah, I got that. Like they were talking about they had a conversation about diamond rings at one point. I might get a new diamond ring. Oh right. That's what. Anyway. Flashy. Two of them were still married. Well, two of them had got wedding rings on so I presume they were still married. Yeah. another one had not got one on but she must be on the dating scene right right so she was telling the story they went she went to chester with bloke uh for a nice weekend he booked the spa and everything gonna have food and everything and then obviously have a night of passion um turns out you got to book the spa and it were full so they couldn't get in oh he's messed up there so he's fucked up there and he also booked a king size bed but when they got in the room it were twins right so obviously that the night of passion might have fizzled out a little bit but is she mourning was there like a moan well it went to a badge we're like well we just made the most of it blah blah blah so he complained he's got to do more though he's just got to go down he complained the next morning because on his sheet it did it's a king size bed He's got to come play that night.

25:25Yeah, and a bit of a fool. So anyway, oh, they've got a free weekend spa now, so they can go back for free. Sound, all good. Then she was like, one of the other ones went, but do you really like him? She went, well, I don't know. No, like umming and ahhing. Yeah, she's not made her mind up yet. She went, he's a bit short. I'm like, oh, well, that's not going to work. A bit short. And I never caught this bit, but one of them must have said, what's his cock like and she just went that's the thing I don't want to give that up Jesus I'm like fucking dirty twister I'm thinking what I was thinking is like must be hard on that dating scene at that age won't it yeah do you think that is what they talk about though do they talk about cocks and stuff they did on the train well you are filling the gaps in well she could have been bank account has he got a few quid oh I don't want to give that up no, showing about his cock, Chris.

26:25Yeah. I'm 98 % certain showing about his cock. Based on a true story. So when we said the women talk about it, the ditty old twisters do. What's his cock like, do you think? It's a similar thingy. I can't remember where I was, but I was speaking to a couple of friends about it and her friend came who'd just started dating somebody and he'd gone to the toilet or something and the last was like, I said oh he seems nice are you happy and a friend interrupted and went oh no he's not for her and then the girl just did this thingy with her tongue like as if to say he does, he's a very good looker yeah and then they went what oh he is for you then as if to say he licks us out so he's a keeper the thing is when he's come back you've all looked at him different I don't know if he's noticed that you have or not, but he's thought, what's going on?

27:24Yeah. They're all looking at me like... Yeah. Because he wasn't the most attractive fella. No? But it was just the way she went. But... And did that, like, the universal... Did it like that?

27:38Then he went...

27:44Fuck me. Oh, dear. Right, I'm going in. hello boys my mate including in this story got me into the pod a while back haven't looked back since i'll stay anonymous for this story my story takes us back a few years when things reopened after covid myself and my mate who got me into the pod let's call him bradford bill decided to go and visit our good friend tory tim down in the big smoke don't like him so we met one thursday night up north and did the classic one too many beers the night before getting on the train down to london giddy as anything despite tory tim telling us to take it easy so there we are ungover as fuck making our way down to london on the train giving it the usual shite about how great it'd be to have some action while we're down there one thing leads to another and we mentioned how as a laugh we should try and have a threesome it's very ambitious isn't it thinking we've absolutely no chance but hey we're daring to dream but you know if it if it is going to happen they've planted a seed now it's in the mind have they ever had one before they're manifesting it and have you ever done that when you were younger before you've gone out shall we try and have a free time tonight yeah I think you just like you're just thinking shall we try and get legs in there yeah like on your own it's a bit ambitious isn't it yeah Anyway, we get down to London and Tory Tim comes to meet us.

29:17Slightly frustrated that we got hammered the night before, but excited to see us nonetheless. Anyway, it's back to his and suited up before heading out for a few casual Friday night drinks. Friday came and went, but this was always going to be a quieter night. Saturday was the one. We were going big. Out early in the day, it was one of those roasting hot London days. sweaty pits on the tube, can't breathe type stuff, when we eventually rock up to a bar that can only be described as a proper London, overpriced, a bit jazzy, but full of skit venue. Bradford Bill heads to the bar and leaves me and Tory Tim to have a little sniff of the scene.

30:01They are very keen, aren't they? They're rubbing thighs. They sound a bit more like serial killers and shaggers. Half an hour goes by and no sign of Bradford Bill. Half an hour, that's a long time. I'm starting to wonder if he's pulled a fast one. However, out of nowhere, he appears with a decent-looking 7 out of 10 with a little bit of loving to give. Don't know what that means. She's up for sex, Chris. No wonder he struggled over here, as you. He gives me that look and I know exactly what those eyes are telling me. This is it. So I get chatting to her and before you know it, she comes out with the seven greatest words I've heard to this day.