Friday Club | Ooh La La

28:29I know you've got your shot off tonight, but there's a good chance you're going to feel terrible at morning. Yeah, but we can only assume that he's single. He's not in a committed relationship. Yeah. He just wants that. Yeah, I want to have sex. Well, I'll tell you what, lads, it's like you've been like Tom Cruise here and a few good men. Not guilty. Yeah. You've managed to turn the... You're three arseholes. Job done. I mean, if you get... Most things you can get tablets and get shook, aren't you? We didn't thought on it. Yeah, as long as I get paid back in the morning. It's your old stupid fault.

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30:17Let one unified system run your entire business. From the first opportunity to the final payment, everything works together in one place. Whether you're a small business or managing a large operation, Odoo gives you one flexible platform built to grow with you. Learn more at odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com. Right, I'm going with a sweet pipe. To be fair, we've got one here that's not, we've got a few here that have never been played. Shall we just take a punt? No, play that one from yesterday. I like his accent. Oh, go on. What's he? Hi guys, Ant here up in Wakefield. I hope you're all fit and well and you've earned a bob or two.

31:01Just want to add my own two pennies worth in regards to wearing a Formula One merch in public. Just returned from two weeks in Silo, all inclusive, very nice. Anybody that's been there will know that just outside there's a theme park called Porta Ventura, which also includes Ferrari land. The whole place is decorated in red with a prancing horse embezzled on every object that you can shake a stick at. Anyway, long story short, happened to be queuing for a ride when stood behind me were a couple, probably mid, late 20s, possibly even 30s, bearing in mind that we're talking one of the hottest days of the year, it was touching nearly 30 degrees, they were there in shorts, t-shirt, jacket and also a baseball cap.

31:44Now the only thing was though is that they were in Ferrari land, as you can imagine, everything is red. What were they wearing they decided to wear red bull that's right they were wearing the team colors of the formula one team red bull in ferrari land i asked myself why are they doing it oh probably because they think they're being rebellious and they want to stand out oh look at us look at us well it is i'm looking at you and i'm thinking muppet give you red a wobble so i'm just thinking what's your view guys these people that like to be different because they think they can stand out it's almost like wearing a Chef United shirt in the Sheffield Wednesday end.

32:21Anyway, keep up with great work. Up the cosh. I like him. I want him to read all of our emails out moving forward. I like him a lot. Yeah. And from Wakefield. What a hero. He's definitely put the accent on any, because just the last couple of words, but his accent's fantastic. What was the actual question? people who stand out like to stand out and attention doing it to be abrasive yeah it would be like going to watch England play and one of your mate Scottish mates putting a Scotland top on yeah yep to come with you and you're like really? mhm in the bin for me yeah in the bin a ride or a water ride sorry it was a park it's a whole park was it?

33:12I went to a gun in Portugal I was thinking about that water park and theme park combined. Oh, go on. There's roller coasters. It was a few steps. Yeah, a lot of steps. There was roller coasters and flumes. Like, you just walk around with your shorts and flip-flops on, salt and wet, queuing for the Big Dipper. Like, roller coaster. I've never seen that before. Well, it's a good idea, really, isn't it? Yeah, dry off and all. Yeah. I hadn't told you when I was away recently. and we'd been for a burger the night before. We'd been before, really nice, and I went medium rare on a burger, which I think if you're used to it, you're all right.

33:57Anyway, I had a bit of gurgling, shall we say, the next day, and we had a theme park day booked in. We went on that. I don't know if anybody's been on the Velocicoaster. Sounds good. It does. The Velocicoaster. I think it's the fastest one in America. Anyway, we went over the top, big dip, and you know when you clench? I passed wind, should we say, and it was wet. And you know when you don't, you know when you shart and you just don't know how bad, especially in that situation when you go in at 70 mile an hour, up and down and upside down and round and round, you just don't know how bad it is.

34:39I'm guessing you weren't getting any smells. No smells. We're going too fast. No, yeah, wind-tossed that. The lads behind were. Yeah, they were struggling. But, oh, the fear. You know, when you finally pull up, and the next person's waiting to get on, and I'm like, how bad is this? Are you thinking it might be in the... Have you got shorts on? I've got shorts on. What colour? Blue. Were they the Gaelic ones? No, they were swimming shorts. Oh, that's all right. So are you thinking there might be something left on the seat? Yeah, I'm thinking, maybe not something left on the seat, but I'm thinking I'm going to have stainage on the back.

35:21I got off, thankfully. I said to Rose, I think I've shit myself. I was like, you're going to have to check behind. Oh, so you're going for the, not the hand check. No, no, I've just gone, just have a look. And you had to go up some steps. And I went, I'll go first. Because I didn't want a random stranger behind me. well initially she's like are you are you joking and i'm like just check anyway i'm walking up and she said i was safe but visually i went to the i went and had a wipe and there was just a little bit of uh residue it hadn't breached the cheeks right imagine how clammy that is but you know that you know when you just like i'm sure other people have been in that situation you just don't know it could be like that just not breach the cheeks or it could be it could be a full load anyway we carry on with our day but went on another one Gringotts if anybody's been and it happened again Gringotts but June absolutely when I told Rose and then obviously Rose told Juno she's absolutely loving it I've not heard the end of it on the Gringotts one I turn to Juno and say, oh my God, it's happened again.

36:36And she's like, no, it's, she's tapping, she's tapping Oscar, it's happened again, he's done it again, he's done it again. And I had to go for another check, but I was safe again. So, but yeah, it was an heart in mouth moment. And then, what did I say to Oscar over there? He wouldn't get me a drink. It was when I were hungover over there, I said, well, you can get me a drink, mate. And he's like, no, get it yourself. And I said, do you know, the things I've done for you, are you clean your bum and everything when you were young? And Juno just popped in and went, And now he's got to clean yours.

37:09Remember when Paula Radcliffe pissed herself in the marathon? Or whatever it was. Yeah, shattered. That's acceptable, right? You'd think. She's running a race. There's nobody going to get caught in the crossfire. You know the high rocks? High rocks wankers. That's all it is. There's a woman who... And by the way, they're really strict. if any saliva or something comes from your mouth, you get a warning or you're not allowed to spit, which is probably right. Yeah. Is this for hygienic things or? I think so. I can only assume. Because obviously one of the things is burpees, so you're on the floor, stand up, jump, down.

37:52I'll sit for. And there's kettlebells, so anything on the hands. Yeah. This woman has shit herself and been allowed to carry on. Shit herself? You can see poo on her legs. Dribbled all the way down her legs. That's preaching the etiquette, isn't it? And she's allowed to carry on. Well, if there's nothing in the rules about shitting yourself... So why has she been allowed to carry on? Because it's not in the rules that you can't cheat yourself. Yeah? It's probably... No, if she can get that one... I'll have that out. It's probably an oversight. They probably thought... Because there is things like...

38:26If you spit... You... But the fact that she'd been allowed to carry on. So she's done burpees. Yeah. You need to put the picture up because you can see the poo. She's diarrhea. She's doing burpees. I bet there's drops. She's holding kettlebells. She's on the rower. Obviously got shit in her hands because she's done the touch test to see if that is actually poo. Oh, that puts mine to shame. I'll tell you. She's half right as well. By the way. She won. She won? Yeah, she won it, I'm sure. Everybody else just went, oh, I'm fucking bothering it. Not doing them. I think it was a competitive, you know, because they do different things.

39:05It's a proper competition, isn't it? Yeah. It was like the top one, the heaviest weights, the most competitive field. And she's shit herself. Which, God bless her, but there's a toilet. I know, but it's time, isn't it? It's always in, I know. But surely, you've got to take that one on the chin. But what would I have been if you'd have been doing behind her? would you like she might have just been like doing a a jump what do you call them a burpee a burpee and then things just go whoosh so yeah I'm assuming it's not a push have you seen how much poo's on her legs I know but like if you if you've got a a questionable fart you test the water don't you you don't you know what look at the picture that's a full like it yeah she's she's followed through with it she hasn't stopped and gone oh god there might be a bit of debris on me the thing is is if she's winning and she's half inches in i know she's put all that effort in she's sort of not oh no that's she's not pushed that out now i've had to tell me that I know, but with a bad tummy or not, you've still got a...

40:27Oh, it's like going over top in Velocicoaster. Oh, look, it's gone right to a calf. That is a full poo. That is a bad tummy, kettlebell. Yeah, exactly. That's what that is. Or a squat and a... Oh, no. Oh, no. That's not a poo. It is a poo. But that's an unhealthy poo, that. Yeah, that's a pooly poo. That's a pooly poo. That's day three Megaluff, that. Yeah. So there, she's going to lie on her front. I'm assuming she's got poo on her quads and chins. Do you have to do sit-ups? No sit-ups. And then someone's going to come behind her and do exactly the same in her spot. Surely they've got to shut her laying off.

41:17You can't have people carrying on behind her. Well, she's won. I don't know whether they've got their own machines at that level. I fuck knows. Do you win out? Like a membership prize? Yeah, but there'll be sponsorship-like thingies. Well, she's obviously got a thingy for what? Andrax. Ten of ladies or whatever they are. Oh, God, she's picking up balls and that. And that ball will be used by somebody else. I mean, fair play to her. She's carried on regardless. Imagine the smell. The smell. Look at him right behind her. He's in the splash zone. To be fair, I've known she's won it. She's quick, isn't she?

41:58Surely someone's got to come over and do her a favour there and holds her down or something. Do you think? Yeah. Then it's just going to be all over the arena, isn't it? I'm sorry, but yeah, they've got to tell her. Sorry, love. I mean, what? You can't shit yourself here. Go and get yourself changed. Are you... just stop a clock if you're if that's you are you embarrassed that embarrassed you've sent you a sense are you stopping are you still carrying on yeah I am oh but what if you're like I'm just running straight just just run off to the toilet and then join the back of the queue it's too late now though it's like was it a final or something I think right fuck knows but fair play to her smell of chemicals in it you know the pooly poo yeah or it's that really really bad smell yeah ill ill smell fair play to her though she just thought I can't fuck them there's no tea rules about it I'm doing it I'm going to pick one of these at random one of the new ones see what happens I am brewing Scotland lovely chaps on four in the bin I wave because there's three that roll into one that they all describe the same fucking whopper of a person.

43:18First one, people who decorate wheelie bins. Fucking vinyl wrapping a wheelie bin. Oh, look at me with my floral printer on my fucking pink bin. Grow up. Number two, same person as number one, this. These belters that go on order, sat round a pool Monday morning, Facebook or Instagram post incoming in. We're far for lager. Had worse Mondays. Fuck off. And then lastly, the cockwombles that drive round in cars with boss on number plate. Normally some tubby-arsed fucking Karen and a shitty old Range Rover, but she wants everyone to know she's the fucking boss. You're not the boss, love. You're a dick.

44:09Get in the fucking bin. In the cosh.

44:15I've never seen, on the first one, I've never seen a wheelie bin decorated. I have, have you? I've seen a wheelie bin with flowers on, yeah. Do you know what? My mum bought me a wheelie bin sticker over there. You're morphing into the in-the-bin character every week. I know. It is, it is. You ask me why? Well, I don't know if anybody knows the, do you know the Lancashire hot pots? what the food no the the band oh no they're like uh they're a comedy uh folk band from lancashire and we we will watch them every year and they do a song called as the bin man bin mom and um basically my mum and dad weren't watching them and they were selling bin man bin mom stickers for your wheelie bin and uh she she said oh i've got you one of them i've got you a sticker i can't put it on you are the in the bin guy yeah i mean i wouldn't do the what was the second one i've had worse monday i'm not doing that one there's a lot of people does that by the way today's office today yeah yeah that was i couldn't quite think what the word it was yet today's office with with half a half a sangria yeah yeah i bought but first two in the bin for me and the And Boss.

45:33Boss is in the bin. Yeah. Is that common? There's one near me. Because Shuri can only have so many. Yeah, Shuri can only have so many. Yeah, Shuri can only have so many. Shuri can only have so many. Oh, is it? B or 5-5? I'm sure I've seen a big boss as well before. Big boss. B1-6. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely in the bin. All three in the bin. All three in the bin. Yeah. Had worse Monday. Yeah, that's the one. it's basically it's saying fuck you I'm a holiday and you're not you're at work you prick you're at work right I'm gonna go in I think you're speaking about while you're looking so it's our I wrote us his birthday on the 10th of September and it's our readings on the 14th my dad was reminding Julie his wife every day before it for a week remember it's Otis's first then our readings and on the morning or Otis' birthday, I get a message from Julie.

46:34Happy birthday to Boss Baby. She calls her Boss Baby. We love you very much, little girl, this and that. And I put her, thanks. It's our Otis' today, it's Eden's Monday. Straight away, me dad was on the phone. I can't believe it. Every day for the past week, I've reminded her that it's Otis' first. And he's told us some stories that she, Julie does, which is unbelievable, right? I think this would be for she'd met my dad but she went she's left the house to put petrol in the car got to the petrol station and left the car she'd walked oh no she'd walked to the petrol station she went put some petrol in and walked to the petrol station right

47:21what'd she done when she got there what what'd she done when she got to the petrol station what did she realise she's done it without that was the She's gone to the point of getting the nozzle and going, where's my car?

47:39My dad was like, you'll not believe some of the stuff. She went to the supermarket and there was no trolleys on the thing where you put the coin in. There was none left. So she's seen a rogue one outside. She's pushing it down the aisle. And security's come over and went, excuse me, there's no dogs allowed in here. she went I don't have a dog and she looked down and somebody had tied their dog to the lead

48:08she nicked her dog she nicked her dog just the fact that she hasn't like she's in that much in her own world she's just pushing her not thinking that potentially somebody could have had that and tied the dog to her hasn't realised that the dog's probably yeah there's a lot of moments though to realise that you've got a dog with you I haven't got a dog you haven't what a woman you have this one isn't as good but it's just typical it was Saturday morning and I've just said to my dad oh it's Tottenham Forest later innit and he's going we'll get back to watch it so So I sat watching and she was on her iPad and she just went, is Tottenham Forest winning?

49:00I went, what? You know, is Tottenham Forest winning? I like these. Yeah. I think you need to tap in your dad for some more outrageous adventures. It happened at my old golf club. So there's been a golf day and Gieser's obviously had a shower, gone in, got changed. got his suit on you know for the posh meal at night or whatever and somebody's come in later than him on the golf course got showered and whatever and he's gone in and his shoes are not there and like so he's come in and says anybody seen a pair of brown shoes and geezer's like no no no he's got them on he's got this geezer's shoes on left his own in there and got somebody else's shoes on what he stole his shoes not stole them he's put them on by mistake so he's in the event now with his suit on and whatever with somebody else's shoes on no i ain't seen him no no no the weather is shoes still in the locker room just put the wrong ones on yes that's that's it the dog one's incredible right i'm going in planes trains and automobiles back in 2012 i went to ibiza for a week with the lads we flew out of birmingham and in portland for later I parked my car at Birmingham Airport.

50:25This was a beef that before everyone started pretending they'd gone there for the culture and Instagram selfies. None of these pretentious beach clubs charging 40 euros for a bottle of water. I'm talking dirty little shop bars where anything could happen with a bird after four VKs and a Jager bomb. The lads were having an absolute field day. A couple had managed to pull early in the week. One lad even claimed he'd shagged Miss UK. Turns out she was actually just a cokehead from Northern Ireland, so I'm not sure that actually counts.

51:03He's still got his shot off, hasn't he? He can still be Miss UK and be a cokehead. Well, yeah. Despite necking on plenty of birds throughout the week, I hadn't managed to get over the line. I'd had chances but couldn't convert Basically the Ibiza version of George After 10 months of lonely wanking The pressure was building Then the night before our final night I met a girl at Ibiza Rocks She gave me a ticket for the following evening And told me to come along Now when you're 25, single, in Ibiza And someone gives you a ticket to see them again You don't think I've got a 7am flight tomorrow You think this could be the moment So the final night arrives We go to Ibiza Rocks Plenty of drinks are consumed The night is going well And eventually we head back to her apartment She eagerly got on her knees And took my pork sword deep in her mouth And looks up at me with very innocent eyes Not so innocent when she's bent over Asking me to fuck her in the ass

52:16mission accomplished we eventually collapsed into bed in a sweaty mess and fell asleep a few hours later i could hear this constant buzzing was she getting herself off no it was my phone i eventually looked at it and i've got 14 missed calls from one of the lads i ring him back he answers where the fuck are you i said what do you mean he said we're at the fucking airport the flight leaves in an hour i've never sobered up as quick in my life he's not got much time by the way if it is actually an hour he's struggling quicker than a golf storing opportunity passing brownie by when playing for there's no need is there another stray for overs i jumped out of bed grabbed my clothes and started running looking like Wayne Lineker running towards the school.

53:09Oh, dear.

53:14Unproven. Running across the square, down the lanes, back to the hotel, burst into the room and throw absolutely everything I owned into my suitcase. My mates could have packed my fucking bag before he left, by the way, the gimp. I was thinking that. Would you have done? Yeah. Packed his bag and took his passport with him. And case, maybe. You can leave it at the airport, can't you? I then ran downstairs, flagged down a taxi and told the driver, Airporto! Fast as fucking possible! We got there and I ran into departures absolutely sweating, still half pissed, fanny battered, still all over my face, looking for the Birmingham fright.

54:01Found it. Gate closed. missed it for fuck's sake and that's the exact moment I had to ask myself was she worth it and the answer at this precise moment was an emphatic absolutely fucking not even with an ass to mouth finale oh god

54:29don't need for that is there it was a good email just fucking sign it off Yeah. Is it? Yeah. And I don't know if that's a good ending either. Because I've just been like, oh, are you sure? Wow. I don't think I've ever done it. Oh. Then the next problem. I thought I'd lost my wallet. So there I was in Ibiza airport, hungover, still drunk, no flight, no wallet, 3 % battery on my phone. I rang my mate back home and explained the situation. Being the absolute hero he was, he booked me another flight Only one problem, it was going to Liverpool Fine, I'll take Liverpool At that point I would have flown to fucking Belarus if it got me closer to home So I get on the plane and become that person You know the bloke The absolute weapon who buys a Birgit King at the airport And demolishes a Whopper on the plane Stinking the place out and then immediately falling to sleep land in liverpool now remember no wallet i can't buy a train ticket so my journey home now involves getting from liverpool airport into liverpool city center head to my bank show my passport get some cash head to the train station fuck my life to birmingham where my fucking car is because of course that's where the original holiday started so eventually i get the train to Birmingham, arrive absolutely destroyed, collect my car from the airport car park and then drive to Hereford.

56:08I'd left a woman's hotel room that morning thinking I had an hour to make the flight. By the time I got home, I'd basically completed a European version of planes, trains and automobiles, all because I wanted to get laid on the final night. So my question to the boys is what's the most ridiculous effort you've ever gone to to get your dick wet? that takes some beat and that do you think though if you could tell him at the time as he's walking back hand in hand what's going to happen when he's full of beer and horny what do you mean the ATM the full like what unfolds the next day is he still I probably think he's still yeah especially with the Arse to Malfinish the Arse to Malfinish is a crescendo isn't it Again, John, I don't think that's the best ending.

57:00We're pleased to resist. I've just lost a load of respect for her. Oh, because you had loads for her before? But I know exactly what he means about Belarus as well, because when you're in that situation, even though you are still four hours from home or something, you're just that little bit closer. You just want to get that little bit closer to home. It's a bad end. Having uncontrolled eosinophilic esophagitis or EOE can mean you're stuck in many ways, like cutting your food into tiny pieces or stuck chewing food for a long time. Dupixent Dupilumab, a prescription medicine for patients one year and older weighing at least 33 pounds can help with that.

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58:16Learn more at Dupixent.com or call 1-844-DUPIXENT. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. I once went to a police station with a bird.

58:52because she were out with somebody who was deaf and something had happened with this deaf person and they were reporting a crime and I went for support. Because of the goal at the end of the... Because I thought I've got a chance of walloping the friend of the deaf person who were in the police station and reporting. We were in there for about two hours waiting to see someone to report this incident. So this is more of a long game kind of scenario, isn't it? Yeah. I've got training in eight hours. So is this on a night out? Yeah. Oh, so it's not so much long game then. I thought this was more like...

59:28Oh, no, no, no. I'm just trying to get my shots off that night. Was it the end of the night? I was in the police station at 2 a.m. I've got to leave for training at half five.

59:43Unsuccessful, let me tell you. Successful? Unsuccessful, yeah. You know, we've all seen a way. I can't know what happened with it, But the deaf person was reporting a crime. Obviously, it's not easy when you've got to wait for somebody who can do sign language or whatever. Right, yeah. So I've gone, oh, I'll come with you, keep your company. Yeah, it's ambitious because she's not going to leave her, is she? No. Even at the end of the night. No. She's probably traumatised or whatever from whatever's happened. I mean, it's not going to leave her. And you're showing that you've got a good heart as well.

1:00:15So I'm in Barnsley Police Station, 2am, and they set off for work at half seven, grafting my tits off. As I said, unsuccessful. That was one of the biggest efforts we've ever put in. Did you get a number? Was it one that you could follow up on? Because you obviously made an impression. Oh, doing a good deed. She's gone with this thinking I'm a really nice guy impression, not that. Friends always be one of you good at sexing. Yeah, you've been too nice though. Yeah. Yeah. And as I say, unsuccessful. That's one of the worst. I can just picture how bad he felt. The panic. This one isn't nowhere near that, but I just remember thinking this is ridiculous.

1:00:57I went to Milan to get a gum shield fitted on my own. It was like a thing for me back. And landed back in Gatwick, and I was getting the last train. Meant to be getting the last train for a late start the next day. I was a donk last day. And come off the plane and I'm at the carousel, stood behind the yellow line, obviously. And two lasses, I can hear them walking through loud, speaking Italian, pissed. And they've walked past me. And like a meerkat. One of them just looked at us and I can't speak Italian, but it was like a, for the benefit of the story, like a ooh-la-la. That kind of, yeah. almost a chef's kiss and she's carried on walking and I used to get this thing I'd get a devil on my shoulder like you need to do something here, you need to make this happen you're not doing anything about that honestly I used to be a nightmare for it so I've gone over at the carousel and I've tried to speak to the attractive one and just got a shake of the head you know that universal I don't speak English thingy.

1:02:17But you said to her, like, just, have you given it a back? Holy shit, crack, something about the fight. Bumpy laden, wasn't it? I'll be going, oh la la, oh la la. Oh la la. But I could speak broken English. So again, the devil was like, you've got to make something happen here. So she basically said, oh, she doesn't speak, she doesn't speak English. And I said, I was just going to ask if she fancied going for a drink or something. And then they've had this conversation. I'm stood there like, leads to her speaking in Italian. And without any hesitation, I know what a nod means. And she went, yeah, she will.

1:03:04And I went, all right, signed. So we're getting my bag. Bear in mind, I'm meant to be on the last train. I've checked into a I want to say Crown Plaza 200 snotters walking to this hotel with somebody that doesn't have a I don't understand what she's saying Is the translator coming with you? No She got off What's Buy in Italian? Adil Au revoir French And I've gone to check into this hotel still not it was the early days of Translate google translate i'm writing things down and thinking and she's nodding or whatever upstairs yeah i'm not going to go into the details but it was an international transfer of pete's peterly affection didn't know a name can you imagine the awkwardness when we do get to the room and we can't understand anything that was in so we just like the language you love christopher right straight in bed it was so like i say i'm not going to go into the details but first train from king's cross next morning donkaster wait just like a little shower didn't know her name you've got to go for the double kiss i might have done i might have done they tell you what you were doing everything for international relations weren't you 200 quid missed me train but it's that devil was it you need to go and speak to her your shit bag was it an awkward transaction you know once everything got going that's once no no that's when the language of love took over but I just do remember it being so incredible awkward if she didn't did she actually have a drink no I was sober no I was pissed no you go back in the room Did you go with the Google Translate?

1:05:09Not thirsty. Why interest you mine? Have you just gone small talk on the phone? Yeah. What do you do? This is awkward, isn't it? What's financial advisor in Italian? Do you like me gum shield? Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. 200 quid hotel obviously new train ticket but memories to last lifetime oh see see see that's what that is that is starving innit mine's new mine's exactly what it was I was single at the time that's the only reason I'm saying it but that is starving that Chris mhm it's that devil and it's happened before where I haven't done anything and it eats away it has I think that's award award worthy if we had an award yeah it'd be award worthy what would you call it?

1:06:14absolutely parched I think I'm still taking the chance the Ibiza yeah you went to Ibiza and not had sex that next day man no but you're not going to feel great There's a whole bag of regrets that next day. You're not going to feel great anyway, are you? I did it. I'm going to tell this one. I don't think I can. Yeah, you can. It was just similar where I was flying at the red-eye flight and I've just stayed out because I wanted to... Obviously, that devil again, isn't it? The devil on your shoulder. I didn't miss the flight. That is the worst. How bad do you feel coming from my galop? even when you make your flight.

1:07:03Yeah. I wonder if she ever thinks about that. I think I got a number. She might be on an Italian podcast talking about it now. I know. But it was no hesitation. Obviously, speaking in Italian, and it was a smile, yes. I'm like, this is flipping. I've got to do this. It'd have been better if the translator had stayed with you for the evening. You know, just sat inside at Ben's. Can you just ask it if I can... Oh, that's nice. Are you enjoying this? Good, good. Oh, dear. What is flip over in Italian? I wanted to put... We should mix the... Still send over the in the bins for the speak pipes, but what about questions that you'd love to know the answer to?

1:07:59Mm-hmm. Oh, yes. That's what we were speaking about. Matty mentioned it the other day, which I think's... An example would be Epstein. For me, Michael Jackson. I want to know if Michael Jackson's a nonce. What are you doing, Epstein? Just find out exactly who was involved, what happened with his death, who was involved in... A bit of conspiracy theory-ish. Yes. If there's any question in the world, and you could just... Know the answer. You could know the answer. Mine's Michael Jackson. Did he shag the monkey? Oh, Bubbles definitely got it. But I mean, were you nonce? Because people tell me, watch that documentary that's come out recently.

1:08:43They say it's brilliant. Some people love him, don't they? And there's no doubt he was a talented musician, but I can't watch it because in my head, I just think he's definitely a nonce. He was definitely quirky, wasn't he? So maybe I could appreciate his music more if I didn't think you were a nonce. Unanswered theories or something. Pyramids. I'd love to know how the pyramids were built. Dug down. I think what we were talking about was the McCann thing, wasn't it, Matty? Madeleine McCann. What happened? You know, if you could... Can we progress it to where you see it? You're like a flashback and you're there.

1:09:24Yeah. This is a film like that, isn't it? Where you can see... Yeah, so you're living it and you're seeing whatever happened. You can watch video, yeah. I said to Rose over there, I'd love to watch the footage back of like first date and see what the pattern was like. You? Yeah. It'd be cringy, but it'd be good. Yeah, see how it all developed. What would I like to know? Yeah, did you know early that she was having you? That she was enjoying herself? I think back now at the end of the night, I remember it was cringy. because we'd had a kiss when we first met and then the first date a line at the end of it was so what about another one of them kisses?

1:10:10Who bad is that? Up the cosh. Who bad is that? Nah, I don't want it in there. But there was a steak restaurant we went to the other night was full of first dates and I think that's when you can tell you're in a decent place and there was one in particular and they both seemed they'd be into each other. But I said to you is, would it be a cuntish thing to do when he goes to the toilet to write on a bit of paper, ooh la la, if it doesn't work out, call me with your number and just give her it on your way out? Yes. You think that's a dickish thing? I think we've got to be, even if you don't know him, brothers in arms, you can't be luching on someone's.

1:10:57Only if you know it's a first date, not relationship. Let us make that clear. The thing is, it might cloud her judgment. She might be thinking, I'm really enjoying this, and then she might be, ooh, because it's a little bit of fruit, isn't it? Ooh. It was just a hypothetical question. Because I bet you it does happen. Maybe not the note. Sounds like you've done it. No, definitely not. but maybe go over and have a conversation while he's away and plant the seed. Are we going to the point where we're locking him in the toilet? Spike his drink with diarrhoea things, or you're just waiting until they go and it's a kiss on the cheek.

1:11:41He goes right, she goes left. Hold me bag, chase after her. That's creepy. Oh, excuse me, by the way. Yeah, meh - Introduction. I wonder if George is still in Starbucks. I think we leave it till next week. The big revelation next week. I think that is twat-ish. Do you think? Yeah. There's no responsibility to him, have you? No. You've got to look after yourself, haven't you? Opportunist. Yeah. There's no bigger. Right, gents. I think that's us. One of my favourite speedflaps as well. Live shows, yeah. Go on, you give us the details. Ooh. Sheffield. Sheffield. Middlesbrough. Guest at Middlesbrough.

1:12:29Newcastle. Friday Club. Sheffield and Newcastle Friday Club live shows. Our first ever. Mm. Obviously, we've got a guest at Middlesbrough. Up the cosh. That trick on me, Buster. Up the cosh. Did you? Yeah. Yes. Right, we'll see you next week. You can't fucking tease us like that. Tell us next week.

1:12:53Hey, hey, it's the Friday Club The weekend's here, get in that pub It's Friday Club, Bing Bang Vos With all of your favourites from under the cuss So if you want to share a story or relive a formidory Fata the wheat or clapping them cheeks Baby, you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank It's all here on the Friday Club It's all down in the Friday Club!

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