Friday Club | Punch Drunk

31:59Sucky, sucky. That's a good one. I think that's what they're on with. That's what they say in Thailand, isn't it? They're walking down the street. Sucky, sucky. I've been told. $10. What do you say, Chris? What you refer to as a blowjob. Yeah. Like when you're asking the question. Gobble not nice. Gobble's horrific. No, definitely not Gobble. Gobble's terrible. Is that what you say? No! I don't personally. BJ? No. No? Not the abbreviation. It doesn't make an abbreviation, does it? Some blowjob. Can I get a blowjob, please? Nosh is too much. Suck me off. Suck us off. Too much. Goose. Can't you goosing us off?

32:46that's my favourite I forgot about that one come on love gooses off gooses off like that like that when they're walking round I don't know what a goose does John

33:01I don't think anybody's in a goose on its merry way how's the Stag do booking going good how many on we've booked for 28 haven't we yeah and how many is going up from your brothers and your dad? My dad and two brothers are coming. So that's 31. And I believe there's about 22, 24. We're going on the Thursday. So how many is that? 33? That's 50 odd. 55 is it? 50 odd? 50 odd, yeah. Social butterfly, Anna. It's going to be too much in here. No, I mean, there's going to be too many people. There's going to be a lot of splinters. Well, I want to tell lads. I said, look, lads, if you want to go off and do what you want to do, most of the lads from the club have just used me as an excuse to the missus.

33:51The thing is, if you get a group of eight, you're thinking, right, we need to split up to get into a bar. 55. A lot of bars abroad, that's it. It's full capacity. Well, we'll just have to. I'll tell you what we might have to do. We might have to send a few emails. What to the bars saying, look, the lads are turning up. Yeah, mob-handed. is there any former teammates players yeah me Chris Sedgis coming Norm Norm's coming so yeah so you can go lads if you want to go and get something to eat we don't have to do all that bollocks together and all that and then I'm going out on the Friday morning Friday night and then Saturday morning Saturday night and then Sunday I'll be in bed me he's not even joking either I got to be out last day.

34:43I don't think you'll be out late on the Saturday. I think you'll chuck the white flag Saturday night. I think you'll go for a Chinese at eight and we won't see you again on the Saturday. Walk past the Chinese, Buffy, half seven Saturday night. Drop me shoulder like Dabby Ginola. It's like when I've organised Stag Do, it's like you're kind of in charge, aren't you? I know. You're forefront. I know. You're going to need a clipboard and a megaphone. I'm just going to have to do a briefing early. and say, right, lads, this is what we're doing today. If you're with us. You've got to be in charge of the whole group.

35:18You're going to have to have, you know, like one of them flags at York Minster with old Chinese tourists behind them. Like one of them megaphones. Yeah. It's like the megaphones, not the one that you speak into where you've got the little walkie-talkie with it. Lads, lads, we're going in the bar to the left, left, left. Oh, no, we're not. Paul with a flag on. Answer is this, Chrissie. how is this is going back to Perth Blackie how is he celebrated as some kind of hero well I suppose he's I don't but it becomes kind of a like urban legend and he's never I don't think he's ever been convicted of any sexual he's getting his kicks from feeling muscles so then it becomes like a bit of a joke doesn't it because he isn't actually he's a nonce well yeah I think I was 13 when he had a squeeze of mine.

36:13If somebody can help us out on that one. Well, one of the police officers who listens. He probably shouldn't be put on a pedestal. But he is, though, isn't he? I'm not just saying that. I saw there's a flag at Glastonbury with a picture of him, the gym pest from the North West. Celebrated. He should be put on a fucking noose. That's what he should be put on. They might have a pedestal. A dirty twister. but now I'm sure he's ever been in prison I tell you what I tell you what I wouldn't be happy with there's not many who will be to be fair if you're single on the Stag Do and you want to nick a bit when you got there no chance not a fucking cat in hells have you with 50 odd pissed up Barnsley med no be a good sign to be fair we've got Barnsley men as well as well as having the you know the flag up the front we might need you know the med phones that translate for you what people are saying when you're on tour to a guy

37:12hurry oh there's a dilemma here a live show dilemma i lads just felt the need to get in touch with a dilemma had sutherland live tickets booked for ages then right at the end of this week's friday club sutherland dates changed here's the problem the new date is my wife's birthday and our wedding anniversary weekend so do i go away with the missus like every year or do I come to the show and meet the legend that is Super Kev and, of course, you lads, even Baldy? There's always a little fucking diggity in there. Am I either going to be in the good books with the missus and maybe get legs in the air or missing a top night in the town with you lads dancing in the rabbit?

37:56I'm guessing that's a weather spoon to summer. Any advice? Much appreciated. Bringer. Yeah. It's sold out now, but if you're Bringer, we'll squeeze one more in. Yeah, yeah. That's a good show there, Chris. Tell you what, book a room in the Roker. Yeah. She wants her show's finished, take her straight upstairs, she can slip into a little negligee. Yeah. You can take a couple of drinks up. I'm fucking hell. Yeah, you can tell her you've booked a nice hotel at the coast. In the stack. Hopefully, we'll be in the next room. We can put on the glass of the wall. Go on, big stuff. I saw another one from Sunderland, actually.

38:37Right, Chris, this is... We're giving you the final say on this. In fact, no. The final say has already been had. What? Somebody's replied. Evening, lads. So the Sunderland show is sold out and it's our fault for faffing about with tickets. But I managed to bag mine and now my mate Sarah's left crying into her vino because she was too slow. That means I'm currently destined to rock up as the only female flying solo in a sea of blokes. Probably would have been a few more, wouldn't there? Yeah. There's usually a few women, isn't there? Quite a little. In fact, there's usually in the 15s. I'd say we're 10 to 1.

39:13Yeah. And unless you're Bonnie Blue, that's canny terrifying.

39:19I'm hoping you can save me from potentially becoming the token lone lass of the night. I promise we'll be no trouble. We bring nothing but good vibes, loud laughs, and probably too much peroni. If there's any way of sneaking one more ticket our way, you'd be absolute legends. And if not, I'll just sit there like Bridget Jones at a football podcast. And of course, pints and Jager shots are on us at the end of the night as a proper thank you. I'm not quite skilled enough to erect a Tim-esque pop-up glory hole, but I'll bring a bag for life full of Parky's favourite snacks instead. Big love, on the ball Emma, and two tardy Sarah.

39:56You said somebody had replied? Somebody's replied, I'm not sure who. It is with a heavy heart that we have to inform you that there will, in capital letters, be another ticket made available for you on the evening. Email us near the time to remind us, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And no need to worry, we will have the glory hole erected upon arrival. He's replied to that. In brackets, obviously only joking. Well, who's that from? Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. See, do you think he sent that and put dot, dot, dot, dot, dot on, knowing that he's going to bring this up and the dot, dot, dot will look as though it's me?

40:38What do you think, Chris? Two birds from Sunderland. Jury. Have you sent it? I haven't sent it. I haven't. Yeah. Two birds from Sunderland. Say it with a straight face. I haven't sent it. It's a lovely gesture, John. I just want it. I haven't sent it. so somebody within the corporation has taken an executive decision that there's a lady asked for a free ticket and they've gone oh yeah of course this is how you know it's him because he's gone with a bit of humour at the start you know it is with a heavy heart that we have to inform you that there will be a ticket made of it it's a bit creepy isn't it alright then if you think I've wrote that, fair enough I don't look at his emails, you know, I don't.

41:26That's bollocks. Was the pictures included? Pictures included. There we go. John. Bang the rights. Yeah. If you sent pictures, you'd be straight on it. They're the emails you open with pictures and videos. Yeah. Attachments, I think we called it. All right. Chris. As soon as he sees an attachment, he's full open. I'm getting married next year, Chris.

41:52well thanks for your email looks like you've got a ticket good to see you john so thank the macum thank the big macum

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42:38No more add-ons. No more add-ons. Sick of the side of add-ons. Yeah, I've been stung quite a few times with that. Because I'm not very technical, but I don't need to be now, do I? I think what you're forgetting to mention, it significantly reduces, if not completely removes, all Roman charges. Well, you got stung, didn't you, when we went away and the hotel didn't have Wi-Fi? I needed to watch something, yeah. Watching all them videos. But to be fair, not only is it obviously easy to work, the security, as everything we know of VPN, is impeccable. so all you've got to do if you want to get involved with a silly app is go to the app store download the app and use the code get ready for this kosh and get 15 off your first purchase or you can use the qr code on the screen or the link is in the description well done chris happy roaming hey chicago class it up with crocs you know back to school is coming in fast so why wait to find your new fave footwear.

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44:36This is just an update, by the way, from what we spoke about. Purple Hockey was imprisoned for six years following 15 guilty pleas to counts of harassment and one count of witness harassment in 2023. He's getting flipping a hero's send-off. There's T-shirts on Amazon. Did somebody not say, like, the legend Hockey or something? Yeah. Nice. Touched so many, people are saying. that might have been a large problem honestly I've blown your mind yeah have you done some gogling some urban legends innit you know is it bogeyman bogeyman bogeyman yeah I want one to under my bed bogeyman it's a big green thing it's a big grammar

45:35it's incredible it's like a legend I don't know I don't know so I took I took our Oliver for some breakfast last Friday morning right and we received this email so I thought I'll tell you what I'm going to do I'm going to see what he thinks so let him read it Afternoon fellas please keep anonymous urgent advice needed massive fan of the Pod and Friday Club is the next Premier League level entertainment the advice I need is whether I tell the love of my life about my threesome with her two best friends or hope neither spill the beans and act like it never happened don't worry it all it's not all as it seems i'm not a cheat i never have been i was recently at one of my best mates 30th in manchester and to my surprise walking in after a five-year stint in australia for work slash travel walked in, we'll call her Emma.

46:35A girl I have loved since year nine in high school. We have had our flings over the years running through our teens into our early 20s. She's kind, caring, has an unreal personality and is absolutely unreal. He's gone with the nice stuff and he's gone, banging body, Champions League vagina and perfect rack. She's got the button she's out of the way early on. She's lovely, lovely, and she's got a great rack and great frame. Honestly, lads, well out of my league. This girl absolutely broke my heart the day she decided to pursue a career on the other side of the world. We got talking immediately and flirting from the off like she'd never been away.

47:19She's over for three weeks visiting family and friends before heading back out to Oz, so after a few drinks, I plucked up the courage to ask her to spend some time together. A few dates and stuff while she was over to catch up, which she agreed. That's pretty nice. So he's gone for a three-week stint. After spending quite a bit of time together and rekindling our lust and having the best sex I've had since the last time we had sessions together, the time had come to say goodbye. I even took her to the airport and saw her off. Oh. And all your heartbreaks for him, don't it? Two heartbreaks in us, it looks like.

47:58Hoping she'd change her mind and stay here with me, but on the plane she went. Anyway, a mate, Jay, who's 30 if we went to, and his missus is friends with Emma's two best mates. At the end of the night, we ended up heading back to Jay's for a few more beers. After Jay and his missus headed for bed, leaving me and the two six out of tens waiting for a taxi, I got the invite back to one of the girls' apartments for more drinks. Arriving back at her place, severely drunk, one thing led to another, and these two ate me alive like a pack of hyenas on a struggling lion away from its pride. Like that.

48:37I know it shouldn't have happened, but I was so drunk, and after another heartache of Emma leaving again, it was nice to feel wanted. Now here's the kicker. After a few months, and it's my 30th birthday weekend, my family had organised a surprise party and surprise indeed as I walked into a run down working men's club function room there she was stood absolutely decided to see her I ran straight to her knocking my 83 old grandma to the floor like a prime Maori Itoji Maori Itoji is that a rugby player? Maori Itoji

49:20Emma's back Spending the whole night by her side drinking, flirting and fondling she opened up and told me she came home for me and that this time it was for real and wanted to pursue what could be I honestly don't want to lose this girl again, I know we was never together when the threesome happened but they're still her best mates I've even thought about an hypnotist for the mates, following Parky's best advice So they follow a long email but I need help urgently Cautious, what should I do? Are we putting this in the Cautious courtroom? Oh, yes, definitely. Right, so obviously... It's a tough one.

49:59Oliver's read this. What was his... So first, let's get the advice of a 16-year-old. 16, we're on 17. Yeah, he said he needs to fess up, don't he? I said, you'll learn, son. I said, you'll learn. That was my first thought, though. Fess up? Yeah, but then I'm thinking... I don't think she's going to be able to get past that. Even though they weren't together, it's two of our best mates. So, yeah, I agree. I think that's going to cause a massive, massive rift. So, obviously, once I got Oliver's advice, I had to think about it myself. And I think what he needs to do is approach the two girls. Face to face?

50:42Face to face and say, look, sit down. Obviously, you're two of Emma's best pals. so I wanted to go and start seeing her but we've had this incident. I don't think they're going to want Emma knowing either. Yeah. Because they've been cunts and all, haven't they? Sleeping with Emma's partner-ish type thing. Yeah, but I think it's all very loose, isn't it? She's come back, it's a bit of a flea. Girls are like that though. Girls will be catty. Some of them can be catty. I don't think them two are going to want her knowing that they've had a threesome with him. no I don't think they're going to want anybody known well yeah so that would be my advice get the two girls in a room and say look obviously what happened happened we were pissed by the way you were both fucking very good everything he says is a bit kidnapping innit get them two in a room yeah straight away I just thought handcuffs that might be what happened when they were hyenas very kidnappy

51:55yeah I'd get him in a I'd just speak to him you'd just ask for a meeting yeah ask for a meeting let's have a go for a drink come with their own free will and say look obviously what happened happened we were all pissed I'm wanting to have a bash with Emma full time can we just keep it between us yeah maybe but even that's not you know if he's going to be honest and... Is he being dishonest if he just doesn't tell somebody about something? Has that been dishonest? But then he's going out of his way to say, right, let's keep this a secret. It's like, it's already... Yeah, I think... I mean, he knows better than anybody, obviously the individuals involved.

52:37Will anybody ever say anything about it? I don't think the girls would want it coming out. But obviously you know him better than... I think maybe you could text them. I don't think the actual, how the conversation happens is the important thing, Chris. Wait, John, you've jumped in too early. Right. Pretend you're a psychic from America.

53:03Dress up as Mrs. Doubtfire.

53:09Everything's that funky, don't worry. Everything's sound. it's a tough one because he's done he's done nothing wrong he's not done anything wrong but I don't think she's going to be able to get over it if she finds out but we don't know especially from a a third party yeah go on then so flip it on its head you're the you're the fella two of your pals have walloped her do you know what I mean so you're you're Emma yeah I'm not getting past it no exactly it's popping in your head every now and again but would I rather not know out that they've been having she's got him in the room and said do not tell him whatever you do I wouldn't like that either I'm not saying to say do not tell him tell her I'm saying shall we just all just put it behind us do not tell her do not tell her yeah they can't answer anyway can they because the tape's up when they've got the telly tape over their mouth but it's the same thing like the canvassing behind me back and saying do you know what I mean so we just keep as a three as a collective so we just keep keep it as a team if that comes out that could be worse than finding out about the actual act itself if I'm the the victim the hyena yeah what would I prefer I think I would prefer to be honest no but then I would prefer her to be honest oh yeah yeah right Briggsian so-and-so bollock me?

54:41I think... I honestly would. But then that's you done then, isn't it? Mm-hmm. The better pill to swallow in that scenario, I think, is if it... I don't think it'll come out anyway, but if it did, then you can just... Oh, but yeah, we were all drunk. I didn't even think of it as anything really. Yeah. Whereas she finds out that he's tied him up in a van and told him, you've got to tell anybody. You've been a bit facetious with that bit, haven't you? So do you think it's better just to... Just let it lie. I think you're right, Chris. Not say anything to anybody? No. Just let it lie and hope it never comes out.

55:16And if it does, you can then... Manipulate the situation. It didn't mean anything. It was a silly night, a silly drunken night. They were both crap. Because even if he goes to her and says, listen, that night we were all drunk and little bits happened, it's not going to end there. She's going to then go. What happened? what happened yeah they took advantage of me unless he goes down I got raped and old now he's lying I know but it's not his fault and then he's going to ask them did you roofie him? no that's what he said then who do you trust? your partner or your pals have we got a definitive answer then?

56:02let it lie from me just don't say anything don't say anything shall we ask the female listeners their thoughts? yeah Yeah. Because we're just quotated from a lad's point of view, haven't we? Smaller for him, though. I mean, hard if it gets one in a van. If you were wanting to start seeing somebody who you'd known for lots of years and they'd had a threesome with two of your best pals, would you be able to start seeing them? Would you want to know? Personally. Would you want to know? Would you rather not know? Would you mind them having the conversation? And would you get past it? If, like we said, role reversal, So would you want to know that it had happened?

56:40I can crack on we aren't knowing. You'd rather not know. And your mate's talking behind your back. I don't know about that, brother. But for me, I'll be honest, I think it could spell the end of the relationship. If what? If I knew. Can you imagine if I turned up just hypothetical? I've got a new girlfriend, a new lady on the scene. I'm not married, blah-de-blah. and then I find out you two have had a Mont roast. Which end? Which end? Which end? Your apple. So you can't go out there, can you? That's it. How often is that just going to pop in your head? But what if she's honest? Yeah, but... You're like, me just stood there, hands behind me back, hands behind me head like that.

57:32You sweating. Sweating. Dripping on her back. that's going to pop in really well. It's never going to do the same again. Every time you have sex, I think it'll pop in. She's being honest. She's put her cards on the table. If the party do it like this, then Brian would put it up that one. It's terrible, isn't it? I wouldn't want to know. It's done us that, isn't it? We wouldn't say out to each other about it. You wouldn't say anything to me, would you? Coming in from a workout sweating. Oh, you look like when you had a cafe round. So I don't know, can we drop the armour? Don't say anything to anyone.

58:11Keep stomped. Well, that's your two. I'm saying get together. That means we can't drop the armour if we're not... Well. So you're canvassing with the... Not canvassing. I'm just having a conversation, not sneakily, just saying, shall we just keep it between ourselves? Well, it's sneakily messaging the meet-up and stuff, really. You're being dishonest there, John. No, you're not. Which goes against the honest John. The only way you, all right, I'll tell you what, the only way you could do it is... Just bump into them. Yeah, if it is in a social setting, it's not arranged. It's not in a van. Tied up.

58:51It's just social setting and just... What if the two friends are quite cuntish and they're like, oh, he's not for you in? Yeah. Without actually telling the truth about what happened. Oh, God, they're flipping in, I'll pay them off.

59:07bottom of a river or something put an envelope yeah kill them it's the only way forward there we go done two missing Christ no we're obviously joking we're joking it is a fucking very very don't say anything it's a very very tricky situation in terms of dilemmas yeah it's up there we've spent a lot of time on this but it's up there one of the biggest we've come across it's moving back across the world so they shouldn't be shagging him really should she would they their part of playing it's just as big of yeah yeah because they obviously know she's willing to move but all the other side of the world back for this fella they're in the loop they know that they're in the wrong as well oh yeah it's not coming out it's not coming out they're all in the wrong i think they're all i'm just going to say as well we have advised in the past that it not being things not being out the bag will eat away at you, will it?

1:00:06Exactly. The anxiety will ever come out. The good relationships, foundations are built on honesty, Chris. Yeah. Trust. But for me, don't say anything. You're not telling any lies. Yeah. You're not telling any lies. Yeah. Go on, knock it down. Yeah? Yeah, move on. Well, is that us? Yeah. Nice to see you back in person, isn't it? Yeah. Yes. Some who I. I don't have to open a laptop to do it and fucking get stressed with all that bollocks. I've never seen anybody get as stressed. Like, you know, it's like a pressure pot of you trying to deal with technology. Because it's out of my control because I just don't know what I'm doing.

1:00:46But any housekeeping? Yes, Chris. Some big housekeeping. Right, go on. Leeds show booked in for Saturday, October the 11th. International break. But it's only four weeks off. I know it is, Chris. Aye. We're not messing about. Five. I'll give you five. Why? Because it actually is. Tickets will be on sale now. Yes. Matt Kilgallen is the guest, and what a night it's going to be. But on sale now at www.underthecosh.com slash live. And don't sleep on it, because the last one sold out pretty sharpish, and I think this one's going to do the same. Stork sold out. Sunderland sold out. And don't worry about Leeds game.

1:01:30There is no Leeds game. Yeah. Perfect. Purposely put it on an international break. I like it at the Brudenelle as well. Yeah, that's my favourite venue. Yeah. One of. It was good last year. They were a good crowd. You can always count on them, can't you, in Leeds? The old crowd. So, yeah, October the 11th. On sale now. Go, go, go. Go. Anything else? No. No. John's got some new trainers. Really good. Reebok. Are they classics? What was that? In my eyes. What was that? remember the clothes magazine you used to get through the post Chris Grattan I was trying to think of it yesterday Little Woods somewhat similar to Little Woods where it's got the basic sports casual gear you used to always go to the bra section underwear isn't it but it's like you are dressed head to toe there's always the expensive Nike ones they're not quite them they're the ones two levels down do you know why though right Because it was the same Friday morning when I was in town with Oliver and he mocked him and ridiculed him.

1:02:36He's like, you can't buy them, you can't buy them. So he says, get some of these. And they were Air Force Ones. So I had a look at them and that. And in an 11, they're just too chunky. They look like clown feet, don't they? Yeah, they're bulky. Minecraft boots. And obviously I need to get 11s because I am an 11. They're old school. Yeah. Yeah, tennis? Would you say they were tennis shoes? Did you get a pair of pods with them as well, or some Rockport? I think they're... Do you actually like them? Can you just be honest, Chris? I'm thinking about... I'm trying to think when I would wear them. When you do a podcast or something?

1:03:12No. If you wear them for a podcast, then would you wear them? Exactly. Then the tennis club. I'm not asking you. Dave? Yeah, they're like tennis shoes, aren't they? Dave, is there anything wrong with them? just a simple plain white trainer I'm nearly 44 you're only as old as the trainers you wear but then I see you when you wear your chinos you get them rolled up like all the trendy kids are doing well I like to dip in a night you could be a poster boy for Little Woods Little Woods was that it? it was something of that ilk yeah them socks would be in there as well three for a tenner yeah but as long as you're comfy job that's the mid thing you do you you know 100 % I don't give a fuck what y 'all think about my gear you say that but we never saw them nikes again you know why because they're too bulky I realised what sort were they they were high top weren't they yeah Jordans Jordans gone from basketball to tennis how much will they have cost me 100 quid plus will they yeah Yeah.

1:04:23Fucking hell. You're all of a got them now. I don't know where they are. I wonder what I was thinking with them bastards. Right. Is that us? Let's go. See you next Friday. Tickets on sale. We'll see you next week. See you later. Over and out. Someone's got to say it. Up the cosh.

1:04:48Hey, hey. It's the Friday Club. The weekend's here, get in that pub. It's Friday Club. Bing, bang, bosh. With all of your favorites from under the cuss. So if you want to share a story or relive a form of glory. Fart of the week or clapping them cheeks. Baby, you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.

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