Friday Club | The Blackhole

31:27Probably all in too many. But just put a little message in. Is everybody all right? Bit of a welfare check. Yeah, everybody all right. If anyone's struggling or needs to talk, just DM me yeah and you can you can sense when a mate might be just off you know and it might be just having a bad day like you said but it might be might go a bit deeper than that and just saying do you fancy a walk do you fancy a pint should we go for something to eat should we go up match get together and talk in his own unloading and it's a healer well nobody's gonna feel worse for speaking out I can guarantee you that for nothing I'd only do you do you good.

32:07I've not been trained up by him but I can guarantee you you will never feel worse for telling somebody you're struggling. Yeah. And if you want to find out more information you can head over to foundationoflight.co.uk and search for a game of two halves. Hats off to Sunderland. Hats off to LiveScore. It's such an incredible and important cause. But most importantly check on your friends family. Ask again. Welfare checks.

32:39Long time listener here, please keep me anonymous for obvious reasons. This takes me back to lockdown. I was 26, newly single, bored out my mind and doing whatever out of form strikers do. Endlessly scrolling hinge, hoping for a bit of luck in front of goal. One day, I get a like from a profile with blurry photos. but you can clearly see two people in them. The bio reads, we are an adventurous couple into hot wifing. Basically, I think he enjoys watching his missus, maybe. Is that what hot wifing is? We've had a lot of conversation about this, but I never knew it was called hot wifing. I'm not proud to admit it, but I had to Google what it meant.

33:34Five minutes later, I'm thinking, this could be a cup game worth turning up for. They message me saying the wife likes my profile and asked to move to WhatsApp. Let's call them James and Gemma. We swap photos. She's mid-40s, petite, brunette, very attractive. They even send a picture of her holding a bit of paper with my name on it. Fucking hell, it's like proof of life. Yeah. Well, I suppose you're not being catfished then. In that world, I bet you've got to be. Yeah, they've got loads of experience if they're going straight in with a name pick. Like I'm a new signing being unveiled, proper due diligence.

34:18They had one key requirement though. I had to be, let's say, a stronger option up front than James. Proof was requested. Proof was sent. and thankfully I made the start in 11 so is that to send the photo of his cock see if it's bigger than her husband yeah I wonder what technique you went for I think you've got it I've got pull your balls from underneath it back yeah you think yeah you don't get proportion yeah just looks as long as it possibly can do although if they're if they're experienced they might ask for something in the photo for a portion. A micro machine or something. Like a rubber.

35:02Rubber Pringles. That would do. Can of some. Can. Do you get one of the massive monsters? Or a little miniature whiskey. Get one of the massive Red Bulls. Palm it off as a small one. That goes the wrong way, doesn't it? I was thinking you're doing a disservice. I've got this bottle of Jack Daniels here and it's just one of them little stubbies full of minis. That's what you need. Over the next week, the messages and photos got spicier and they invited me over Saturday night. I tell one of the lads at football training, he goes, what if you turn up and they murder you? Are you considering... See, there's different...

35:50People react in different ways, don't they? Good way to go, innit? Barry's are considering that. yeah it's a good way to go out but I got murdered yeah yeah you just balls in yeah honestly it had never crossed my mind I was too busy visualizing the highlights reel Saturday morning James messages asking for my bank details to send the petrol money the the well-on point is on it it's not looking couldn't get much better Jesus Christ five minutes later 300 quid lands in my account what's he I got a fucking umma. For a 90-minute drive. At this point, I'm thinking, I haven't even kicked a ball and I'm already getting a win bonus.

36:34We win our game 3-1 that afternoon. I get myself on the score sheet, have a pint, and suddenly I've got the confidence of a striker on a hat trick. No nerves, just vibes. Don't like that word, but no, I'm with him. Go crack on. 9 p.m. comes. I drive over, then finally knock on the door. James answers, about six foot three, built like a centre-back who lives for headers and Brexit tackles. I immediately think, if this turns into a scrap, I'm getting sent off early. Gemma's on the sofa, a bit shy, but just as good in real life as she looks on paper. We had a couple of drinks, watched some boxing, interesting mood setter.

37:19And to be fair, the dressing room is very calm. No drama. Then James says, Gemma, why don't you take him upstairs? I'll give you 10 minutes. I'm thinking, right, gaffer, time to perform. No time wasted. We get straight into it. A few minutes later, James walks in completely naked, wheels himself into the corner on a computer chair like a manager on the touchline and just watches the play unfold. I hope he's not got on the chair at the door and just pushed off the wall and gone, whoo, you're like whizzing past. Computer chairs are funny ones to go for. Are they that big? Yeah. That's a gaming chair though, isn't it?

38:08Yeah, relaxing. Do you think, what would you expect them to bring one up from another room? I'd expect there to be like a poof or a beanbag or something in the corner. Maybe. A bit too relaxing, a beanbag and rustling. And it's quite hard to get up out of, aren't they? I'll be honest, I had a bit of stage fright early doors. Big away game energy. But once I found my rhythm, match fitness kicked in. Solid performance. A couple of good finishes. A couple. No injuries and everyone seemed happy with the results. I get dressed, say my goodbyes and walk out feeling like I've just delivered a man of the match performance in the weirdest fixture of my life.

38:52£300 up and three points secured. Never heard from them again. Classic one game loan spell. So lads, would you have taken the transfer at 26? And does that technically make me a free agent? Or was I just paid per appearance? Are we doing it at 26? Recently single? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's done well at the job. A 90-minute drive, 300 quid. It's not us. Yeah. Probably not had to take a drink with him. They provided the drinks. Yeah. By the way, High Wycombe. Right. I'm sure that's the area where we had the Swingers stories from before, innit? Is that? Is that near Reading High Wycombe?

39:37Pass. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I'm going to say so. I completely missed the eye. Was she a petite brunette though, John? I don't think she was. She might have tied her hair. She was petite. When she came to the live show. She's been big on the scene. So what you're saying, you're questioning whether it's the same couple? Well, quite possibly. Yeah. But I think you've got to think, that is absolute perfection of a night, that. He's made a blinder, hasn't he? You're in for 25 quid petrol, aren't you, there and back. So you're 275 up. You've gone round. You've had a couple of drinks, you shot your muck a couple of times, and you just got off.

40:17What can be better? Only way it could be better if they've made an order of Chinese. Yeah, if they fed him. Yeah. A couple of sandwiches. You know, after the first production, when you've produced first time, you know there's a bit of warm-up in there between the first and the second time. Do you make conversation? You know, he's just sat in a corner, isn't he? Do you make a conversation? An hour break, get downstairs, watch the next fight. Yeah. I'm not just sitting there. That's just awkward, isn't it? Do you think she might be right? What, when you up for the second? It's impossible. Do you need time out?

40:59Yeah. I think I'd have to suggest that. Right. Connor bends on in ten. Do you fancy it? I think I've got, within tens, I think I'm good to go. Good to go. Yeah, I'd like to think I'd be able to hold a little bit of a conversation with him, though. If you do go back downstairs... I'll need to get into this game. Yeah. If you do go back downstairs, like you said, you need an hour, do you put your underpants back on? Boxes and shirt, T-shirt. Socks. Leave me socks off. Not asleep, brother. Fuck you. Pyjamas. Put my pyjama top on. Is it unnerving you seeing him wheel in on the computer chair? You know that's coming.

41:36Maybe not the... The wheel in. The wheel in, but you know he's coming. wouldn't you I think all 10 minutes conversation how long you been into this game and all that sort of stuff and then are we are we are we going again or what I wonder if he got the taste for it after that I'd like to think if he did he would have mentioned it but he doesn't say I mean he does go down himself giving himself a solid review hat trick man of the match winning performance he says but they never rang him back I know yeah that's always a concern there's not many clubs wouldn't give you a call back if you've scored and got another match performance at least one more game yeah but no I think it's a perfect set up for everybody email back in in fact and did he get involved did he get involved at all or just sit in corner sounds like he's just sat there his game is just observing his game would you be would your pride be her?

42:40I mean, who's suggesting it? I don't know. But when she just says, listen, I really love you, but I need a bigger todger. Would you rather not be big enough or not be good enough? I think you can be good enough we aren't being big enough. Yeah. I think even if you've got a very average penis, I think you can still perform. You can still do a job. But what if she says it's just not big enough? Well, she can't have it all, can't she? This is a naughty one. Would you rather have your ex describe you honestly to your current partner or you have to describe your ex honestly to them? First one. Because once she's described you, you can just put it down to bitterness, can't you?

43:30She's a bitter cower. That's a load of shit. I knew she'd be like that. that's why I fucked her off because that's what she was like just turning around on her yeah stretching the truth and and I didn't go out that weekend yeah and she's a liar yeah I couldn't trust her honestly you know does your current partner know what's happening yeah yeah well then you can't you can't say it's lies then I know it's honestly it's honest but you can still but you can still pass it off as no you can't she knows it's the hundred percent nothing but the whole truth imagine if i'd rather yeah i still imagine describing your ex to your new missus like i don't know she she can ask the questions that's not in the question i'm adding this to her she can ask the questions like what was she like in bed was she better than me yeah and you've just got to sit there and yeah yes she was she does that thing that you don't want doing.

44:39When she's performing oral sex she'll stick her finger up your bum, you don't do that love. It all depends on the ex, doesn't it? Yeah, if she rips up trees in the bedroom go for option one. No matter how shit you've been. It's only going to end in a bloodbath innit? Yeah. No matter what you've done in the past where you were with her it's only going to end in a bloodbath. Oh imagine the other way around. where we had to find out about... Fingers in ears, I think. That would be a bad end. I think that could be me, that. That could be a relationship of her. If I heard stuff I didn't really like what I'd heard, I don't think I ought to get it out of my head.

45:27Would you? I'd say yes. Would you? Is this better? like honestly she just goes no he was better than you he was in better shape he was funnier some of the stuff he said to me where they were fucking pounding me oh my god could you handle the personality comparisons better than the sexual comparisons yeah he was funnier than you he was better looking than you in fact yeah I can even handle that could you more than oh bang that's it you were right fuck

46:05That terminology as well. That five words, he were a right fuck. That's me done. That's me gone. Can you imagine if it's like hypnosis? It's like hypnosis, so she's not taking your feelings into consideration. She just says it as it is. Yeah. Them words. Them words. He were a right fuck. It's just never been the same. it's never been the same I'd have to walk out and say right that's us it might force you to up your game John I think my game's alright but I don't I won't be able to get them five words out of my head he was a reet fuck yeah even when I were having sex when we were having sex it'd just be playing over and over and over in my mind you were a right fuck you were a white folk what about this one would you rather be known as the safe option or the bad decision everyone regrets but always goes back to

47:13safe option that's a Barry move isn't it in fact you're getting more better by the day maybe I'm thinking too deep the other option are you just going to be on your own I know they always come back I mean long term who was it there was a footballer wasn't there Kaka his missus said he's too too nice too perfect and fucked him off what chance you got man what fucking chance you got world superstar obviously plenty of money too nice safe option what fucking chance have we got us men yeah yeah what I mean if you ought to end up with a fucking crackhead or something you know like probably somebody who like who like just goes out Friday comes in Tuesday but a right fuck but a right fuck yeah oh dear yeah not nice them two ones no I'll be thinking about that in bed to eat why don't you why don't we all play it what fuck off I'm getting married in fucking 80 days of summer play it do it do what have the conversation with Rose You're not going to get an honest answer.

48:29I'd like to think I'm safe, to be fair, on both ends. But you're not going to get an honest answer, are you? It's like if you were asked the question, are you going to give an honest answer? Like 100 % honest answer. You're not. You're not, are you? I would have even said 20%.

48:49Oh, this is a really, really important cautious courtroom, this. cautious courtroom Wembley playoff final dilemma hey up lads I need some advice and I'm hoping the Cosh court can help me out I'm a die hard Rochdale supporter been going for over 30 years since my dad first took me as a kid you'll have seen the absolute whirlwind of a game at the weekend where we went 1-0 up in the 95th minute only for a load of part time fuckwits to run on the pitch and give York enough time to equalize devastating doesn't even cover it it's obviously we all seen what happened in with the anyway I'm probably jinxing it now but if we get through the semi-final against Scunthorpe or Southend the playoff final is on Sunday the 10th of May.

49:49The exact same day as my girlfriend's daughter's birthday party. Oh dear. And they have got through to the final, aren't they? Yeah. So they're going to Wembley? Mm-hmm. Orem Wood. I've been with my girlfriend just over a year, and she's an absolute top draw lass. Her daughter is turning two, and I adore the little one. I genuinely see her as the bonus daughter I never knew I needed. But I also bloody adore the Dale. And the Dale have never woken me up at all hours of the night. I've already been to Wembley twice watching Rochdale. Once in the 2008 playoff final defeat to Stockport and again against Spurs in the FA Cup.

50:39So here is the question lads. What would you do? My girlfriend has made it very clear that I'm not missing this birthday party. Do I risk the relationship and go to Wembley anyway, or do I miss the biggest game in the club's recent history and keep the peace? There's got to be a compromise there. That was only heading one way until them words were spoken. No need to keep me on a miss, by the way. My girlfriend is Rebecca Moore. which I recently discovered, thanks to this pod, is also the name of a porn star. Oh, yeah, I remember. I told Becca about it because I found it very educational and she didn't see him asked.

51:26I'll let you know what I decided, how it all plays out either way. Up the dale, up the cosh, and here's to you, Ian Henderson, Robbie. Come on, Becca. Let him go to a match. If she was... there's got to be a compromise seven I'd say he might be better staying because that's that's a kids can remember and there but two considering it's not his child I know that's not everything but I think you can get away with out is really sorry Rob is really sorry but he's working sweetheart he's gonna miss your party can't get out of work do you know to the band yeah but I don't think at two that she's not going to register is it she's not going to be arsed the kid's not going to be arsed it's Becker innit go to the match let him go to the match and then but you've got to make up for it you've got to go somewhere you've got to take her somewhere special for her birthday like a massive soft play yeah would it be different if it was if they had the kid together if he was the father no no no I don't think so no you'd still expect to be able to go to the game the poor bastard been watching Rochdale against fucking Boreham Wood and Ednersford and all that shite is that a fucking tough slog in that conference there's some pretty games in that bastard let me tell you I think it's one of them though that you need them to make the decision for you I don't think you can be an arsehole not an arsehole but and go I'm going to the game I'm not coming to our someone shows party and won the game I think is that if the kids together yeah alright what about if not I'm yeah I'm having to say I'm going maybe not in those words is there anything else you could do to persuade her if you've got mutual friends get your mate to word his missus up yes and say do you know what I mean drop a drop a it's our wedding anniversary it's our wedding but you can't stop him going to Wembley to watch Rochdale.

53:46Well, you've been away for a few wedding anniversaries, haven't you, when we've been away in the past? Maybe, yeah. I think you have. I think we've gone somewhere where your wedding anniversary. Yeah, but we don't really do wedding anniversaries, so it doesn't really matter. Tight bastard.

54:06It's a tough one, that. Because if it was me and I get that, I'm going tell me I'm not stubbornness you're not telling me what I am and I'm not doing well I hope this was the response that you were hoping for so we hope that helps you out please let us know what you do I hope Becker isn't a listener but we're not I think she should let him go you think she will I think she should she's weak then isn't she back him down so he's going to take piss out of the rest of his life isn't he yeah I'm going to that fuck it yeah it's your birthday I'm not bothered you shit out

54:53you know we talked about the struggles with kids rumble again what way on the nest yeah caught Oscar Juno oh no but I think I managed to cover it up alright go on talk us through it well what position you in um we're on camera now you can do it all right i'm on the bed and legs up yours or hers the pile driver pile driver i'm in the pile driver which is apt because i go into another ref's position when i hear the door go i'll rise your bed? I'm on knees. Oh, right. Sorry. I thought you meant right. Sorry. Knees. So Rose's legs are here? Yeah. And Rose, before we got going, before there was motion, said, put the covers round just in case.

55:56Because usually, this is a rarity while the kids are in. Oscar was out, but June's downstairs. watching telly and i didn't didn't hear the footsteps upstairs she's come in and gone what are you doing to what are you doing to mom and i've gone from this position to from this position to frog splash

56:35covers over the same time. What, over you? Yeah. Did it hurt? Did it not bend your penis back? And then banded. So have you dived on Rosa's head? I've gone. No, I've gone across. So I've gone kind of across, but with covers over. Luckily, I've managed to remove and dive. i hope this happened never happens to me because i don't want to do this i will rob van damme like the frog splash and and juno stood you know stood in front my head's ear juno stood there which have you dived away or towards towards towards oh no which is i i think it's the better of the two because i've managed i've covered Oh, so did she not know Rose were under there then?

57:30Yeah, I mean, Rose's head's still out. Right. Luckily, she still had a T-shirt on, so that was... It wasn't the Vincent Company T-shirt, was it? So that was a saving grace. And then she's like, what are you doing to mum? And I've just said, tickling. I'm tickling her. Which... I don't... you've thought on the spot. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to miss a tickle. You've got to miss a tickle. Whether it's, well, I'm pretty sure she knew it wasn't a tickle, but I don't, she's 10 now, so I don't know how much. See, I know it's easy in hindsight, really easy in hindsight, but you could have gone, Juno, so glad you've come up.

58:18I'm just about to pin mummy. I need you to get the one. Two. We're wrestling. We're wrestling. You're like a wrestler. To be fair, I was in the right position for a three count. Do you think she's gone into school the following day? I don't. Daddy, me daddy had me mam's legs on. He was only tickling her. What? So, did Juno then leave the room? Oh, I've missed this bit. She then lifted up the covers and went, why have you no clothes on? It's getting more to this story. I was just... Red hot, I'm red hot. I always, I think Rose interjected. You know her daddy always sleeps with no clothes on. But you always sleep with pants on, don't you?

59:05No, no, no, I'll go. Depends if it's hot, I'll go. She said, well, you weren't sleeping, what do you mean, you were tickling? Do you think she bought it, though? Or do you think she... I think she knows without knowing. Does that make sense? She knows there weren't a tickle going on. so she's lifted well 10 10's young but it's not that young is it she must not have known though she must not she must not have known or she wouldn't have gone with the the quilt lift no if she didn't know she doesn't know she doesn't know but she knows that something was part happening that wasn't tickling yeah or wrestling yeah yeah i'd have gone wrestling first then I had my ear off the cuff yeah so that well you know I've said before that Rose is usually strictly against while the kids are in so now that's narrowed my window of opportunity even further it's like an archer's window now in a castle so what did So when Juno's lifted the sheets, oh yeah, daddy always sleeps with no clothes on.

1:00:22Did she get in bed or did she leave the room? I think we... What did she want? I don't know. I don't know because I think conversations were quickly turned onto something off memory. It's all a bit of a blurner. You know, we just started talking about something, what we were doing that day, you know, just to distract, distraction tactics. Can you remember how the Mickey reacted? How the Willie went? I think he soon disappeared. Were it like a, oh, understandable? Yeah. I did remain on my stomach for some time. Yeah. So then did you do a gesture of tickle just to make her believe you? Do you want to come and tickle mummy?

1:01:08Right, so I presume she's left the room at some point. Yeah. What are the first words between you and Rose? Was she annoyed? No, she wasn't annoyed. It was like, oh, God, I knew this would happen. Disappointed. Yeah. The only saving grace was that it was about two seconds after. Had you ejaculated? Oh, fuck it. I don't know what to worry about. And here's me thinking you're sexually frustrated, but rest it day. Oh, as long as you took your bolt out, it don't matter. What are you slavering on, Mummy? What, are you tickling it with slime? It's like being in a Chinese restaurant, isn't it? Oh, so you actually just bolted?

1:01:55Yeah, seconds, seconds. Oh, see, I think that makes a worse twist on it. You think? Yeah, because there's fluid everywhere. There wasn't loads. It was just a standard amount. Oh, now then. Did you know he got a Tommy Tank? I don't know. Was Matty outside the house or en route last week? I think he possibly pulled up in the time. But you were taking photos of your car, had a look. So I was safe. So this comes back. Is it rude? Is it one of the rudest things? That's not rude. I would say getting wanked off while somebody's outside waiting for you to go to the airport. He's wrong. He had knocked on.

1:02:41Do we yet? But he knew we were there. What are you doing in that situation? Do you normally knock? Or do you normally just... I don't know. I was... You would have to knock because Rose was giving us a lift at... Train station. Right. Yeah, knock, knock, knock. What, what, what? Yeah, that is... I had no idea. Have I just released a secret there? Yeah, I don't think... I'm trying to picture now why... Yeah, how it was when Rose opened the door, you were nowhere to be seen. Yeah. Although everyone was... They'd shake their hand, did you? Oh, thankfully. Oh, for fuck's sake. So, Matt is at your house.

1:03:21Yeah. Right. And you're upstairs getting wanked off while Matt is just outside waiting. It was... We were going away, weren't we? So, opportune moments. Only for a day now. You only been away for two days. It's still... It's a good excuse, isn't it? You wanted the intercourse, but you had to settle for the nip-bunk. Yeah. Was it the nipple or the ear? The ear, yes. I do listen to you, you know. So are you masturbating yourself while Rose was on your ear? No, it was a helping hand. So we're here? Yeah. Because of your ear? I'm very uncomfortable. I'm not buying into this at all. Matt is outside on football.

1:04:00Could you take a step back, please? He'll be all right for two minutes. Yeah. Not even a Yeah, come in No, no It was midway through And I saw the flash of red Pull up outside Is this Had you committed to the ear licking yet? Oh yeah Or were you still hopeful of the intercourse? No, no I knew I knew we were on the minutes So were you I was happy to go with what I can get Are you looking out the window No I've got Venetia blinds So you can Even though people can't see in So you must be like No Getting wanked off at the window like this. No, it's distance, but you know distance so that you could see the roof of a car pull up.

1:04:41Even though you're out of the side of it. You're looking out of the window. Well, yeah, but no, I'm on the side of the room. So she's like this, tossing you off, Ian, you're just gazing out of the window for Matty. Oh, I'm just, you could see a flash of red pulling up gets your attention. So I'd seen the flash of red and I didn't say anything. I knew we had time. Yeah. I mean, it had only... Rude. rude that Rose get off me eyes here I need to go as if Rose has gone like kiss on both cheeks and hand on Matty's shoulder as well there's far too much sharing going on in this episode yeah it's classy isn't it but yeah so you are fucked now aren't you what do you mean if any kids are in you fucked no not at me Do you not think, though, even if you're going away for just a couple of days, do you not think, oh, you want to get a send-off?

1:05:41Yeah.

1:05:45It's nice. It's nice, but it's not a... I like a send-off. Yeah. Did I have sex before I went away? I don't think I did. It's a part-time gesture, isn't it? No, so we were here Friday morning till Sunday night, Friday. So nine days. Nine days away. I don't think I had a... Because kids are all over the place. So when was the Thursday night? There was no... Thursday before we went Friday down to Cardiff. Yeah. No. So you could be getting on two weeks, are you? Oh, I'm fucking back on the saddle now, love. Don't worry about that. Sure, those kids went to... Oh, not a bank holiday, weren't they? Yeah, I got up early.

1:06:24It's Monday morning. So you didn't go Sunday night? No, she'd just got back from her endo, ain't she? She was dead. Oh, dear me. Yeah, she was dead. i'm disappointed there if she returns back from a hinder when i'm not we're not having sex that night well she might have had it once you've been away so yeah so she was like dead i said i try no not worth it i would tie myself like uh but it was it was like the way i describe it it were like sleeping with amy winehouse coming off crack the noises and the morning and the the sweat and everything it was it went there it went no no chance i think even if they're not feeling great i think they can still still enjoy 10 11 days here like she's gone that as well it's just not very romantic is it thing is even when we go away on yours would you be expecting that on on your return on your arrival back i'll probably not be bothered i'll be rough as fuck.

1:07:26Nah. I can't. You're a different animal to me, Chris. I can't function tired and rough. I can't function. You can get through it. I can't. I'm a different animal. It's the first thing on my mind. Does you walk in? Yeah. Bag drop. Well before that when I got on the plane in Flippin' Faro. Are you laying the foundations like messages and stuff? Be ready. Be ready? Maybe not them words. Be ready. Not them words. What are you expecting when you get in, mate? Yeah. Ready to receive. No, I've got... Yeah. You? I've got another fucking 25 years of shagging. Have you, though? Well, maybe not. Maybe not, but I'm not hell-bent on having sexual intercourse.

1:08:17After four days on the drink? I'll have a wank, me. When I go in early, I'll have a wank. I'll be sexually frustrated, don't worry about that. But to be fair, she dropped on some koshers on her endo because they went out with my mask on, the face of my mask. I'm just praying we don't get a message at Friday Club saying, oh, John Parkin's future wife fucking wanked me off behind a nightclub in Philadelphia. Can I read that out? If it lands, I'm reading it. Yeah, I got tossed off. I got Katie tossed us off. Good wank. Good wank. I'll use the blah, blah, blahs. When they go into detail. You're coming back horny, aren't you?

1:08:58I am, but I like to give myself a bit of time now for performance. Do you know, like, ever since I got that, I'm not a blow-up doll. Remember that one? Oh, that's a bad idea. That hurt me that. Yeah. That hurt me that. That's as bad as it is in yet. This is wrong. I need to put my game. Yeah, I agree with that. I was hungover it was after a World Cup game I was hungover and granted one of my worst performances but I just want it was selfish it was selfless no selfish yeah it's not I don't like it I didn't particularly like Monday morning but I'd tell her look when I get home tonight it's a Sunday night I'd like to have sexual intercourse and you were like well you've got fucking no chance I'm dead so So unless I know I'm going to, if I know I'm going to put a half-decent performance in, then yeah.

1:09:57I won't do it for the sake of doing it. So yeah, we're just different animals, Chris. You know when I'm tired, you can get through tiredness, can't you? I can't. If I'm tired, I'm fucked, I'm done. Well, I think that's us. We'll be on your stag do night this Friday. Oh yeah. We'll actually be. will be is it Friday we go yeah Friday morning you've got 10 days to think of an excuse not to come I'll turn up what did I ask you for caffeine I need caffeine tablets right to get me through days get your tickets for Eve Merton Trust charity match what day is that Saturday the 23rd go to the Eve Merton website there you go Rovers Legends versus United Legends ooh who's on the team sheets just chuck us a few names.

1:10:49Mikael Sylvester, Chris Eagles, Phil Bardsley, Jemba Jemba, remember him? Oh, Jemba Jemba. Danny Webber, Fraser Campbell. Many, many more. Many, many more. Parksey on the touchline. Yeah. We good? Up the cosh? Yes. Over and out? Over and out.

1:11:18The weekend's here, get in that pub. It's Friday Club. Bing, bang, bosh. With all of your favorites from under the cuss. So if you want to share a story or relive a formidory, fatter the week or clapping them cheeks, maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club. It's all here on the Friday Club. Our yoga instructor challenged us to find inner peace. I found it faster than anyone. After four seconds, I stood up and screamed, I found Nirvana! I win! They asked me to leave. I guess they don't respect winning. Bet365 does, though. New customers get$150 in bonus bets just for betting$10.

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1:12:41I'm going to hug you. I'm coming in for a hug.