Friday Club | The Devil Went Down to Georgia

29:29She wanted me to bend her over my office table, at home he's put in brackets, and push her face into the desk while we had sex. She later revealed that she saw a photo behind my desk, which I did not know was there, of me and my ex. she said it turned her on knowing she was in her place. Fucking psychopath. That's similar to Kelly Brooker end at bed. Do you think you've got to, do you think she had to stand on a milk crate? Or as a desk? Standard desk. Do you have a tape measure? I didn't have time to pack it. Is that regulation size, that one there? I didn't have time to pack it. Two, three and a half foot.

30:07Yeah, she's sounding, she. Yeah. One weekend, I decided to give her a key as I was away and she wanted to use my flat. Perfectly fine with me as long as she gave me the key back. Rookie error. When I came back to the flat, the key was gone. He's not committed to a long-term relationship here and she's obviously getting involved. I mean, she stole the key. As months went by, she became a lingering smell I couldn't get rid of. That's a nice terminology. A lingering smell. She would come back from judo and try to choke me out, stinking of sweat. I forgot that she was a hard bastard. Not sexy at all.

30:46I decided it was time to cut things off. However, not before a debrief with my mates over some beers and a curry. After nine pints and a ruby muzzer, I decided this was the time to cut things off. I stumbled into my flat, took off all my clothes and decided it was time for a shower. Whilst waiting for the water to heat up, I go to text my mate saying thanks for his advice in cutting things off. However, blind drunk, it was a struggle to type the message, so I thought, fuck it, time for a voice note. Hiya mate, thanks for tonight, really helped. Defo time, I told the sweaty midget to fuck off. Oh no.

31:29Even if it doesn't mean I get my cock wet for a while. The sweaty midget. Halfway through finishing my voice note, out of the darkness, I hear a, Uh, Tim? My heart fell out of my arse. I bowled into the kitchen, bollock naked, stinking from my booze and chicken bolty to see her sat there on the sofa in the dark. Oh dear. What in the living fuck are you doing here? I blurted out. Not usually the first thing someone says to a partner when the other one decides to surprise them. All I could muster was, I can't deal with this right now, and jumped in the shower. The longest shower of my fucking life.

32:14I tell you lads, contemplating what she did or did not hear. After getting out, me and my limp cock went to first the music. She said how clearly I'd got cold feet and had had a beer. Not to worry about it, and we'll speak about it in the morning. Result. First thing in the morning, I got dressed and left for work without saying a word. She later texted me asking to meet her parents to see if that would calm my so-called cold feet. My feet weren't cold, lads. They had bastard frostbite. That was the last we saw of each other as I finally told her I'd had enough and it was time to move on, whilst also blaming work stress and any other favourable shithouser excuse I can think of.

32:57So the question is, lads, should I have told her either about it just being sex or should it have been pretty obvious being that we met at a festival when I was off my tits. Keep up the great work lads, long time listener and even got some enjoyment being a patriotic Welshman. Up the sheep shagging cosh. Tim. The thing is how long does it go from just being sex to being actually starting a bit of a relationship? It was short-lived, wasn't it? If you went out for meals and stuff, if you went out for meals and stuff, is that classed as a relationship? Do you think you could have cut a long story short?

33:42Any more? I mean, she took it well. When I first told her, it didn't go straight over her head. When I did first tell her, it didn't go straight over her head, didn't it? That's it. That's the one I was looking for.

33:58Yeah, I think you've got to, you know, don't you, when it's getting serious. The key. That's, yeah. That was the, that's the short straw. There's always one that kills it, isn't there? They must not have had one of them doers with a lot of quiet eye out. You know, the L ones. Yeah, he should have just told her when it was time. You know, don't you? He's dragged it on, hasn't he? what seemed to be just a one night festival fling or whatever to them I'm surprised I'm sure she got over it do you want another one for the bin? yes yeah then I'll do an email alright lads hope yous are keeping well just listening to Friday Club when you're looking for some submissions for your room 101 what I'd go for is and it gives me the fucking every time that I see it is fellas, grown fellas wearing F1 memorabilia you know like Big John from Portsmouth with a fucking Lando Norris shirt on ah come on pack it in put the ball away put it in the bin anyway all the best up the fucking cosh, come on cheers Ryan I've never thought about it I'm sure you've mentioned this before.

35:26What? F1 match. Yeah, shit. You know, like the old... Have you bought some? I'm sure you've bought some. Oscar's got... I'm talking the Ferrari jackets. The bright red leather. Red and white, yeah. Piss poor or McLaren or something like that. No Norris. Yeah.

35:48Do you think that's obviously worse than football strip, isn't it? football shirt what have you into Formula 1 that sound just watch it you don't have to dress like him do you you're not Nigel Mantle are you it's only same as fully grown men wearing football shirts you're not Michael Owen why have you got United shirt on this isn't going in the bin is it say that again this isn't going in the bin from you is it no oh come on I'll get it up nah I'll get one up surely it's just same as wearing a football shirt yeah i'm assuming there's a chorn ryan ryan i'm assuming he's not an f1 fan and i'm not an f1 fan so i can't relate so it's going in the bin for me but yeah this is probably there will be people out there that do like formula one yeah would they wear the merch let us know it's the full gear this what does that go with nothing that goes with nothing that is a bright red ferrari jacket Yeah, that goes with absolutely nothing.

36:49I've not got an issue with it, but I can be overruled here. I think I have. I've got a massive issue with it. I can see you in it, to be honest. I can. Yeah. Might as well go all along, ain't you, and get the full suit. Do you know what? I've got one. Shirt and trout. You might as well get the lot. I've never worn it for years, but when I've been to Grand Prix back like 12, 15 years ago, I had a Lewis Hamilton Mercedes. I think I've seen it I don't think I've ever worn it A picture Have you seen a picture? Maybe in a picture In fact you can chuck Formula 1 in bin and all for me That is shit innit I know It's wank We're probably going to get Slaughtered for this Why?

37:29Because there'll be Big fans out there But I just can't It's shit People have said to us You need to watch What's that Netflix thing? Yeah Drive to Survive He said once you watch that You'll be in You're in Nah Formula 1's wank It's part of my perfect Sunday Katie's Jack Having Formula 1 on it, background. Katie's Jack loves it. He'll plan his day around it. Right. Watching it. Because they're always on different times, aren't they, obviously, with the flipping thingies. Depends where it is. Will he get up? Yeah, he'll watch it, like. Nah, Jack, come on. No matter where in the world it is. Right.

37:59So, why do they not all just put him in exactly the same car and we'll see who the best driver is? Well, that does exist. What's that called, then? I can't remember. I can see a speed pipe next week. No Formula 1 chat. Yeah. Shit. Just all of this, exactly the same car was his best driver. Mm-hmm. So some of them are racing and can't fucking, can't finish in top 10. Because they're in a fucking Escort. Right, I'm going in with another. You ready? Can I just, my brother's just getting a new job. Has he? He was in, well, he's worked at EE for 20 years in Doxford Park. He's been wanting to leave for ages.

38:39And they've just opened a McVitie's thingy factory. Biscuits. He's just manager of a sales thingy. I know somebody who works at McVitie. You get to bring up Brokens. Oh, I tell you what. There would have been plenty in there, wouldn't there? There would have been plenty in there, wouldn't there? He has insisted we call them gaffer cakes.

39:07It's poor, isn't it? Poor, but good. Sorry, lads. did you think I was being serious then or I've got no reason to not think you were being serious like that so he's not got a job at the 20's so he's not even fetching me no broken biscuits I thought you were going to come in with some at that come on then what about the one it taxed yesterday I don't have a chuckle I don't know self praise is no praise but we got in the taxi yesterday outside airport and American guy went address? I went no I've just got my shirt and my shorts with me. Because I had a little chuckle but then you in hysterics at your own joke made it funnier.

39:56I still find it really funny. Did you go in with it later? Address? No I've just got my shirt and my shorts with me. How are we then Chrissy? Morning lads. Up the cosh. Gosh. Just wanted to send this in for Chrissy's segment of what would you put in the bin? And for me, I'm afraid to say, and I know it's a bit of a British institution, so I realise I might be treading on, you know, some questionable waters. But, yeah, for me, it's lollipop people. Now, I'm sorry. I realise some people will have listened and just gone, what? But hear me out. lollipop people that stop traffic for adults you can't be doing that you can't be stopping traffic to let adults cross the road children 100 but adults they've done the hedgehog training they remember the videos they shouldn't be needing the lollipop people to stop for helping them to cross the road fuck off you Kino bastards

41:09I like this speed bike thing I'm with him by the way I'm with him you can't put lollipop people in the bin because they're going to be there for the kids but yeah you can't be crossing adults see I never noticed these things but he's absolutely spot on isn't he I would never have got why is he helping an adult across the road do you not remember when we were in Glasgow about that we were in glasgow i can't remember we were recording at the time but we're all between recordings and we're after recordings good for something to eat must have been between recordings because we're right across from the school and the lollipop lady crossed us all the road and i remember being like embarrassed he's absolutely spot on putting an hand up to the driver saying well i didn't ask her to do this mate i'm sorry i can't cross the road do you think do you think all the pop people should wait till there's at least a good number not just for one person like at least wait till there's four yeah but how long do you wait well yeah especially in like a rural or just you know like near a school you could be there for ten minutes waiting for somebody else to turn up what's your thoughts on John putting his toenails on that thing that's a bit unnecessary on the workstation I've seen you pick them in public I know but at least I'm just in my own hotel room.

42:31So lollipop people, not in the bin for the kids, but I think is it unanimous? Yeah. Fuck off crossing adults across the road. Right, I'm going in. The day I found out I was slow. Mentally or physically? Well, I don't know. I've not read it yet. You've starred it. All right, lads. Long time listener of the pod, and whilst I haven't sent anything in before, me and the lads sat around one night talking about some of our exes and I always tell the same story that gets people laughing and one of them mentioned that I should send it in to get it read out on the pod. Plus I'm a Blackburn Rovers fan and I always stuck up for Brownie regardless of how he was performing on the pitch.

43:17I remember he started a game at Hillsborough and fans were giving him dogs abuse and he flicked on a long throw for Rhodes to tap in. But that's probably about it for good memories. That was needless. As you were, what's his name? Anonymous, I don't know. Do you remember it, the assist? Yeah, it was barely an assist. Off the fringe. Yeah, they all count more. Anyway, here's a story about the time I found out I was slow, which was surprising at the time because growing up, I was always the tallest and quite athletic. When I was in college I started dating a girl. Let's call her Nelly for the sake of the pod.

43:58Nelly was quiet, unassuming girl, pretty in a girl next door kind of way rather than sexy but we started talking on the bus home one day and we hit it off. After a few weeks of talking I had a party at my parents house. I didn't think Nellie was that interested in me at the time but she turned up to her house and was having a good time. I was speaking to another girl downstairs that I had slept with before and knew she was a banker. A reservation if you will. It's always nice isn't it when you've got one in it. The one in the tank. Yeah just in case. In the wings. As the night goes on and more drinks start flowing, Nellie wants to speak to me upstairs.

44:46So I followed upstairs, worrying that something had happened at the party or someone had spilt or broken something in my parents' house. As we got to the top of the stairs, Nellie pushed me against the wall and kissed me and grabbed my hand and put it up her dress to feel her soaking wet chuff. Very forward. Chuff.

45:10A sodden chuff. That's the worst for me. Chuff? Yeah.

45:20I should have seen the danger signs then. Me and Nelly were together for about a year and a half after that. She was absolutely bonkers. Nothing was off limits. Trafford centre toilets. Anal at the beach. Oh, yeah. At the beach? Yeah. You don't want to stand up, you chuff. We even used to have sex as I was driving from Blackburn to Accrington, which is about an eight-minute drive. Whilst driving? She got on top of him while he's driving. Surely that's not safe or legal. Yeah, it's definitely legal, isn't it? Imagine, you're not going to see a lollipop lady, are you? Not concentrating. Is it possible?

46:02Put your seat back. Surely it's a tough one. If you've got little legs, you've no chance. For an 18-year-old lad, it was a dream. As I left college and got into my world of work on a physically demanding job, I simply no longer had the energy to keep up with her sex drive, and this would cause arguments that would go into the night. Accusations of cheating because I no longer wanted to have sex one night after work. It wasn't as if we'd completely stopped having sex. It was just not no longer two or three times per night. Per night? I don't want to have sex three times a night, do you? I'm with you.

46:39Have a night off. Twice. I planned a break up with her. Both my head and my balls were drained. So she drove to my house and I sat her down and told her. Her response was, no, you're not. Nelly's demeanour had changed. I knew she was crazy, but this look had given me the fear. I tried to reiterate that I no longer wanted to be with her and that we were breaking up. Nope. I told her I was going out and that she had to leave and she refused. I was worried at this point. Eventually I left the house anyway and she followed me. My plan was to get about 100 yards away, turn around and run back to my house and lock the door.

47:22It is desperate. That's almost like, surely you've got to go with her. Look at that over there. You've got to trip her up first, won't you? Just trip Nellie up and then on your bike. I walked around the corner from my house with Nellie following me, still insisting that we weren't breaking up. When I felt I was far enough away, I turned and sprinted towards my own door. Didn't even look back, just head down, feet pounding the floor. I put my key in the door, already thinking about I am going to lock it from the other side. I shuggled to open the door. Nellie was already stood there with her hand at one side of the door, stopping all six foot seven of me from opening my own front door.

48:05Six foot seven? I wonder they could shag in the car. He sat up back seat. I was in trouble. We went inside only to argue for even longer and louder. This went on until I realised what I had to do to calm her down. Yes, lads, I pretended I no longer wanted to break up with her. Oh, no. She'd won me around and I fucked her. Oh, dear. All the while thinking about how she beat me in the 100 metre race and stopped me from opening my front door.

48:37the morning after she was a lot calmer and we eventually agreed that this relationship wouldn't go any further not before agreeing to five whatever whenever she wanted booty calls in which she could text me at any point and i would have to be there wish she hadn't used all five now she's currently in australia and looks banging but i'll never forget the crazy eyes and the time she made me find out i was slow so it is physically all the best lads keep up the good work but i'd say mentally as well because you should have gone with the look of that over there all the trip chips one chips the one that trips a bit heavy though in it no no could that be classes assault you need to no the thing is you would be confident that there's that you're going to win that race it wouldn't even enter my head that she's going to beat us you know what i mean i didn't think i wouldn't think there'd be any need it's like what's that running backwards just giving him a wanker up way past speeding on zel oh that would hurt yeah that so if it didn't go past him he could chuck his shoulder and then run it all the way yeah but then was he going right block well he's caught him once you'll catch him again john yeah i've just got misery in my head yeah you know the film misery i bet she was really calm in that delivery of we're not yeah next time what would you do to make sure you won the race could you go with shut you know shut over her head on her yeah you know you know like when you used to do at school like pull the coat over the top of the head and then she's no idea where she is and you're gone and then the trip I think the trip's too much it could cause an injury where you get one leg over the front of her legs yeah yeah old school or I think that could cause an injury or they push her into a pond a bush yeah pond bush pond you know like so she's but how far what's closest pond to your house.

50:32You're going long distance now. There's bushes everywhere. In a bush. Yeah. Oh, it'd have to be a rose bush and all, so it's spiky. Again? She's got to pull a few out. He's got the audacity to criticise my performance of Blackburn, and he's getting beat in a 100-meter sprint from his lass. The dick. Must have at least a foot and a half on her in all money. Yeah. No excuses there. Six foot seven fanny, that's what he is. just tell her no fucking get out of me house

51:05the audacity I know what you're saying self-praise is no praise but we did get a message from Ryan got my old man in his best pile of ticket for last Friday in New York as they were over there for five weeks they had a fucking blast Rafi and Gerner from Stoke got a couple of pictures to forward on from Akosha and Paterin from day one thank you very much for not just making my weeks but for Horstan in my dad's words the best night of the trip up the fucking World Cup winning kosh I shouldn't have read that last bit but it was written I think we saw the night after didn't we yeah we did we went in for a nightcap didn't we yeah the lads were in there looked like they were still having a good night that night and all blessed didn't it one of the best I'll say one of the best night out in my life that night.

52:00Yeah, I think I'd agree. It was brilliant. That and the line dancing. Yeah. Everyone turning out, band bouncing. I know we've talked about it. Yeah, people turning up wanting to have a good time. Yeah. You know what I mean? It were exactly what we wanted to do, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, yeah, thanks, Ryan. Think I'm joining a gym, lads. I am? I am. What the hell? That's a bull-tailed of blue that come from. Then future Mrs. Parkin. Oh. Wedding present. She's heard you. She's got your wig and all.

52:33Yeah. What about? Sorry, John. So we recorded last week's Friday Club on the Wednesday, didn't we? Yeah. And you said that as soon as you're married, you're getting off the jabs and you're going bald. We recorded... The bald bit, that's not my choice. We recorded a Patreon thing, World Cup episode on Friday, two days later, and you've said, I'll still be jabbing the day I die. Am I not allowed to change my mind? It's just the... That is a dramatic flip within 48 hours. Am I not allowed to change my mind, lads? What's the honest John's... Is it saying it out loud? Still not sure. I don't know, lads.

53:16Honestly, I don't know what's going to happen. But yeah, I'm joining a gym. She said she went for a facial on... I'll tell you when it were, Tuesday morning. On train, Dan. She'd been for her facial. Who? Who from? Farmer Dave. Farmer Dave at the end of bed, yeah. So childish. Where did you go for your facial, love? All can and all farm.

53:44Oh, dear. Betty. Yeah, and she went, oh, I've had a look to see how much it is for joint membership at gym. I think it'd be good for us when we're married and that. Oh. All right. I think you'll enjoy classes in that. CrossFit. No, fuck that. I'm not going to turn into them knobheads. I don't know. She says she fancies doing some classes. I says, well, I'm going to be too advanced for them. I'll have to put my own classes. I do the classes. Obviously, sauna and all that sort of stuff, so it looks like I'm joining a gym. Are you going to be one of these that just do jacuzzi and sauna? I get my water bottle and get in sauna.

54:27you're not you're not doing out of water bottle in that sauna by the way get your spin get the spin classes on the go again that's that was jp at his best once you're down to fighting weight turn off a recorder and still in his sweaty clobber yeah i was peak parking peak parking pp yes i think i'm joining a gym fair folks i think you'll enjoy it do you know i think we have spoke about it in the past do you know if your partner starts putting on a lot of timber do you think the best avenue is to do what katie's done and say oh let's go to the gym together yeah you know rather than going you're fat you put weight on sorted out if you go constructive and say right let's um let's join a gym get ourselves in shape plural yeah is that a bit of advice i think it's still a damn terribly with a woman why do i need to get in shape but i think you've got a good relationship anyway like oh fuck look at fucking stay to you sat on that couch here.

55:24So what you saying now? I'm fucking off. I'll say to Rose, I'm getting fat on her. And she'll say to me, these roles are good. And then you just have the convict. What about you personally or Rose? Both of us will say it to each other. What you'd say. You'll say it to Rose first or, oh Rose. No, no, I wouldn't say it. I wouldn't say it. That's what I mean. But like, you should be able to just say, do you think I'm getting fat? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's a criticism of yourself. You're saying without the question. Yeah, without, yeah. Ooh, park a bike in there, love. It's like saying like, do I look big in this?

56:06And say, well, to be fair, it's not the biggest bathroom in the house, is it?

56:12That's a loaded question, isn't it? I know this is an old one, but what's the right answer? The gym thing? Am I looking a bit chunky? you think because you've either got you can't go middle road middle of the road as in you look fine because that is fine is the worst yeah you can say yeah you're looking well are you looking not so well yeah you have put a bit on you look okay you can't give it that one even if you're being generous with okay okay you've got to go on you look really good you're all right but then but then rose has asked me the question i said yeah yeah put a bit on the same as she's given me when i've asked her she said yeah you you well no but then she always but then backs off with with i like you cuddly okay everybody who just you don't need to be a a nutritionist to look at you and think yeah you're fat and how would how does she take it genuinely chris if you say you put a bit on she'll book an extra couple of classes at gym Wilshire Yeah And then cry Send to sleep For two or three days And then have a Krispy Kreme On my home It's a hard one Isn't it She's just like Sleeping top at telly For a bit of dust For her tea

57:30So yeah Let's Join the gym together Yeah Yeah I don't think She said it for that I think she just wants to To go I think Sometimes it's good To do other things together Yeah Other than just being in house Or going For a drink Or whatever So you're going to do the classes together then? Yeah, I think you should. Probably, yeah. It's going to help me really, isn't it? Because if I get an even better shirt, I'm just going to be dripping in fanny, aren't I? She's going to have to be there. That's the last thing I need. So keep your eye on the John and Katie Couple Goals TikTok page. That'll be getting uploaded.

58:05Matching outfits and that. I'm obviously only joking. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll have to keep my shoulders trimmed better. You know when you're going to pool on that? Yeah. My back needs of going over. Morning chaps, hope you're all good blah blah blah, just a quick one about post USA Friday Club Friday the 10th of July incredible weather this morning and about to head down to Cornwall for a long weekend with the missus, long shite drive but well worth it when you get there looking forward to a great start with the aircon on and a welcome return to the best episode in podcast land sat in the car all packed and ready to go finger poised on the play button she climbs in and off we go press play and I'm in heaven when the theme music comes on until I hear a distressing sound from the seat next to me we're not listening to this fucking shite get out I regaled her with tales of trap 1, 2 and 3, coppins, keith and the like to no avail we're still not listening to this bollocks put some country music on anyway Anyway, long story short, she's back in the house and I'm sat outside the sandwich shop munching on a spamming egg and brown sauce listening to this fucking shite.

59:22Keep up the great work, lads. Love what you do. Special shout out to Posse for introducing me to this a few years ago and never looked back. Love from Gaz in Barnsley. Posse's mate. Spamming egg. If I see you're out in Barnsley and you're with your missus, right? Please fetch her off her. I want to speak to her. Have a word. Have a word. I'll try and get her into it for you. Getting the bit out again. Things I'd get rid of. Well, where to begin, boys? As I've just come out of there and I've been collared already this morning, I'm going to say the geezer that stands outside the petrol garage, when you're coming out, just filled up with diesel, you've got a day's work to get to, a bottle of water, oh, you've got a few pound coins in your pocket.

1:00:14Yeah, he stood there saying, air ambulance, this, that and saying else. Sign up to this. We take a direct debit every month. No, mate. Just stand there with a pot like you're used to and we'll chuck a few pound coins in. You'll do a lot better out of it and all. Don't keep stopping me, making me feel guilty because I ain't signing up the same and I'm telling you basically to fuck off to your face in a polite way. But, mate, just leave off. Stand there with a pot. You'll have more money out of everyone. And you ain't going to get fucking told to do one, are you? Every five minutes. So, yeah. That's what I'll get rid of.

1:00:48These pricks that stand there outside petrol garages for charities. Pricks. Doing the bit for charity. I get it. I get it. As soon as they're mentioned. Direct debits. Direct debit. Instantly, it's annoying it. Yeah. There's always one in a co-op. And as soon as I go in, I'm thinking, am I avoiding this fella? Aren't we out? I do my bit for charity I've got a direct debit set up I got stung I dropped a rotis at school and there was a petrol garage and she was in the shop waiting and she was so nice on arrival and I thought I know your game again she was probably 60 odd year old so nice asking needless questions I thought again like you I've gone to the the water aisle thinking right I need to am I avoiding this situation and she waited at the end of the you know the there's the queue she was just there the only exit yeah I thought Ready to pounce.

1:01:41Have you got five minutes? I'm really sorry. I'm going to be late for his guitar lesson. I need to. But I'm really sorry. Never played guitar in his life.

1:01:51I'm still paying. I'm still donating to Barnardo's. Yeah, I thought you got thingy. Yeah, I get done regularly. I think I'm British Heart Foundation and Oxfam. I got done. That were a doorstep one. Lovely lad. Again. They're even worse. Yeah, you feel bad, don't you? I think the last good deed, a deaf fella knocked on me door with loads of drawings. He's a talented artist. And because he showed us his lanyard. Was that a pump? Yeah, a pump. He showed us his lanyard. I thought, I've got to do it, haven't I? He was raising money for his college thingy. So I said, I'll cut a couple off his hands.

1:02:33This isn't a joke, by the way. That's probably my last good deed. Did you do a check as we were walking off? Yeah, he ought to. Hold on a minute, I'll have another. No. He ought to walk behind him with a pan and a fucking rolling pin and just smash the pan behind him. If he jumps, you're like, you lying bastard. 20 quid he took off his lap. Did he? Yeah, well. You bet. It was worth it. For him personally, innit? Yeah. Have you put them up? No, they're still. They're about to forget fire going, wouldn't they? Arotus was impressed with it he was like he was deaf I don't know what that makes the difference that makes it would be impressive if he got no hands wouldn't it yeah I'd have bought a wall if he got no hands you know you could build a wall with him

1:03:27I've got a quick one I think and this is what we want about you being a Barry recording the game Yeah. The Congo one, or whatever it was. Hello, lads. Top short, I met you three at Huddersfield away during the first half before you all fucked off and disappeared somewhere else. Now the important bit. Is my mate a knob? To remain anonymous, please refer to me as Jude and my mate as Harry to keep the England World Cup theme. So even reading that makes us feel sad. I'll take you back to last week, the age-old dilemma. Do you stay up and watch the Mexico game live? even though you've got work the next day and in my case an in-person meeting first thing or do you get some sleep wake up at eight and watch the rerun like baldy did i decided to do the sensible thing and watch it the next morning before i went to bed i told all the lads in the whatsapp group that i'd muted the chat because i didn't want any spoilers the rest of them stayed up and watched it live i wake up the next morning reach over to turn my alarm off and there it is a WhatsApp notification.

1:04:35One of the lads, Harry, had tagged me with nothing but the final score. I'm fucking fuming. Cheers, mate. All that effort to avoid spoilers completely wasted. I didn't know who scored or what happened during the game, but knowing the score took all the tension and build-up out of watching it back. Now, Harry's defence is that he didn't realise that tagging me would still send a notification. He knew exactly what he was doing. It's a weak response, isn't it? Am I right to think that's absolute bollocks? Yes. Yeah, he knew what he was doing. Even if he genuinely didn't know, why tag me in the first place when he knew I'd be watching it when I woke up?

1:05:16I was absolutely livid. So, is my mate Harry a knob? Keep up the good work of the cosh. Yes. Yeah, absolute wank, Ian. Yeah, I'd have been furious. I mean, bad preparation. I went full aeroplane mode. Yeah. Nothing we're getting in. Does your arm still go off? I didn't have an alarm on. He did. Like, could he have turned his phone off? Yeah. And his alarm go off? Yeah, he could have gone airplane mode and still had his alarm on. So he's got to take a little bit of responsibility, I think. Yeah, he's tagged him on purpose, hasn't he? I thought if there were an emergency, somebody will ring Rose.

1:05:51So, yeah, bellend. Absolute bellend. Is there an element of good cracking there? Yeah, there is. From his perspective, he's absolutely chuckling himself when he's tagged him in that, hasn't he? Yeah. but you would be livid yeah furious right lads we've got a flight home in well quite a lot of hours to be fair yeah 11 hours we'll see what Atlanta's got to offer for us for 11 hours let's take back some merchandise it's a shame I've ever had a look before there's a baseball game tomorrow could have gone this afternoon well if we get tickets I don't think I'll have to mind I'll be staying watching a baseball game yeah 11 pound a ticket it is for baseball is it apparently over here this Atlanta in particular is really cheap yeah it's the same fella that owns the American version of B &Q when he just keeps all the prices down I don't know what the drinks in that were like in the stadium last night but they were meant to be the cheapest out of all the games they were$10 well for a pint yeah or a bottle which is still I've got a show for you go on I will find you on Netflix 8th part series Harlan Corbin very good oh Harlan Corbin is but I'll watch it.

1:07:00He's made plenty. He's on hide and seek. It's good, isn't it? It's good, yeah. Right, gents. I'm going to get half an hour's kick me before I get kicked out of this hotel room. Did you have a tommy when you woke up during the night? No, I did the first night. Lovely. Yesterday morning. Up the cosh. Up the cosh. Up the cosh. See what I did like in that? What did you do? Cosh! Yeah. Oh, I've got a song. Can you play this song? It's about gimp masks Oh yeah, sure

1:07:58Any more than this A good hammer in from my lover Oh, if you could only see my face How I look when I'm in this place There's nothing more from you I could ask Oh, if you could see the smile behind my gift mask Big cream from ear to ear As you pound away at my rear Smile so big and wide As you ram that rubber inside