In short
This episode of Friday Club is a freewheeling chat built around “would you rather” questions, listener/host stories, and crude sexual-humor confessions. It also includes ad reads for Gusto (small-business payroll/benefits), Kalshi (trading soccer matches), NordVPN (location spoofing/security), and other sponsors.
Guests/backgrounds
No formal guests are introduced in the transcript; it’s a panel-style conversation among the hosts (including Chris and Matty) plus multiple anonymous listener voice notes and one named listener, Brian Tori.
Key claims
They debate whether saying an ex’s name or a best friend’s name during sex is worse; they claim Robbie Keane’s cousin is Morrissey; they argue about whether ears or noses should keep growing; and they trade “fanny fart/queefing” stories and terminology.
Notable examples
A Leeds show mishap where fancy dress falls out mid-performance; a dream where a child’s “nervous piss” ends with the dreamer wetting the bed; a Twitter hookup story involving “fanny fart” noises during sex; a story about accidentally disposing of an enormous poop in a neighbor’s wheelie bin; and a story about a man allegedly sniffing a woman’s underwear and panicking.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Ex or Best Friend's Name?
2:14 to 4:35
Discussion on the awkwardness of saying an ex's name during intimacy.
“your ex's name during sex or your partner's best friend's name during sex?”
Growing Nose vs. Ears
4:35 to 5:20
Debate over whether having a nose or ears that never stop growing is worse.
“Nose and ears never stop growing, do they?”
Interesting Facts Discussion
5:20 to 5:55
Light-hearted exchange about interesting facts, including Robbie Keane's cousin.
“You should have said, whatever you do, don't say that on Friday Club.”
Gym Mishaps and Fancy Dress
5:55 to 8:13
Sharing a funny story about a gym mishap with a fancy dress outfit.
“I'd rather my ears carry on growing, I think.”
Leeds Show Recap
8:13 to 9:20
Recap of the Leeds show experience and interactions with fans.
“in your face Before we started the first show, we were saying, well, we said we didn't sell that many tickets, did we, for the matinee?”
Night Out Reflection
9:20 to 11:28
Discussion on a night out and the challenges of managing moods.
“And didn't your shoes turn up in Leeds City Centre or something?”
Professional Photoshoot with Dogs
11:28 to 14:00
A humorous account of a photoshoot with dogs and unexpected moments.
“So then we sat again and I've asked another question.”
A Thank You and Fan Club Ideas
14:00 to 16:40
The hosts discuss a fan's experience at a live show and brainstorm fan club ideas.
“Could you come to our house and text me photos of me and the dogs, please?”
Planning a Charity Calendar
16:40 to 18:00
The hosts joke about creating a charity calendar featuring humorous scenarios.
“there's nothing better than a foot a foot to my good self with dogs in a key ring isn't it in a key ring and you get a keys what's that oh it's just John and his dogs what else would you get you get a A monthly...”
A Dream About Football
18:00 to 20:40
One host shares a bizarre dream about playing Premier League football and an unexpected incident.
“But I need to tell you about this one I had.”
Show all 28 chapters
Awkward Dinner Aftermath
20:40 to 23:40
A listener shares an awkward story about a romantic encounter and a dinner with the girl's parents.
“But then the next day, I'm taking him to school, I'm telling Louise the story on loudspeak, and I've just seen him look at us with his mouth open, like, you wet the bed.”
Fanny Farting Experiences
23:40 to 26:30
The group discusses the humorous and embarrassing topic of 'fanny farting' during intimate moments.
“We finish creating the beast with two backs and I'm watching TV and I call down for tea.”
Queefing and Gym Humor
26:30 to 28:00
The conversation turns to the topic of queefing and its occurrence in various situations, including the gym.
“you're I just go oh yeah you know let's just sort of diffuse the situation oh but do you think they always have to acknowledge it yeah not clarify that it's not a real fart yeah that wasn't that That was just air.”
Queefs and Gym Class Humor
28:00 to 29:24
Listen to humorous anecdotes about queefs and gym experiences.
“Well, sometimes a bit of air comes out with a queef.”
Queefs and Gym Class Humor
31:13 to 32:12
Listen to humorous anecdotes about queefs and gym experiences.
“18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply.”
Queefs and Gym Class Humor
32:18 to 32:45
Listen to humorous anecdotes about queefs and gym experiences.
“Pays Checkout is offered by your banks and credit unions.”
Brian's Allotment Confession
32:45 to 35:52
A humorous story about a man's secret activities in his vegetable garden.
“Now, I've got one here, which is a complete fabrication.”
Awkward Encounters: The Ultimate Catfish
35:52 to 41:49
Discussion about a friend's bizarre encounter with a deceptive date.
“It's the first time he's took the piss out of himself or something He said Brian here Long time listener first time shamer of myself.”
Friday Club Tales: Food and Drink Mishaps
41:49 to 42:00
Listener shares a funny story about an eventful evening with food and drink.
“He's not going to mind if you leave the toilet seat up, is he?”
Friday Club Storytime
42:00 to 47:14
A humorous recount of an unfortunate toilet incident after a family gathering.
“love the plod, love the pod, blah blah blah.”
Discussion on Toilet Etiquette
47:14 to 48:31
Exploration of reactions and experiences related to toilet mishaps.
Fetishes and Social Norms
48:31 to 53:04
A light-hearted conversation about fetishes, societal perceptions, and personal boundaries.
“so hold on a minute why did she have to do it?”
Personal Reflections on Boundaries
53:04 to 56:00
A candid discussion about personal experiences and societal expectations regarding intimate desires.
“And I'm tugging off where I go, what am I doing?”
Knickers on Heads and Personal Judgments
56:00 to 57:20
The hosts discuss the quirky topic of wearing knickers on their heads and the self-judgment that comes with it.
“Just think if everybody saw me doing this, what would they think of me?”
Knickers on Heads and Personal Judgments
58:36 to 59:06
The hosts discuss the quirky topic of wearing knickers on their heads and the self-judgment that comes with it.
“That's like asking if all soccer players are the same.”
Knickers on Heads and Personal Judgments
59:09 to 59:28
The hosts discuss the quirky topic of wearing knickers on their heads and the self-judgment that comes with it.
“It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.”
Dental Hygiene Dilemmas
59:28 to 1:02:12
A humorous debate on choosing between cleaning one’s teeth or backside for life, intertwined with personal dental experiences.
“I'll be honest with you, I'm scared of the dentists.”
Live Show Announcements and Audience Engagement
1:02:12 to 1:03:09
Updates on upcoming live shows and engaging the audience about their interests regarding quirky habits.
“Is there any other housekeeping that we need to bring in order?”
Transcript
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1:55your favourite from under the cuss so if you want to share a story or relive a form of glory butter the wheat or clapping them cheeks maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank it's all here on the Friday Club
2:11it's all here on the Friday Club Would you rather say your ex's name during sex or your partner's best friend's name during sex? You're in a whole lot of trouble with you the one you go for I don't think it matters I don't think there's any good outcome, is there? No. What's the worst? Or what's the best? I think the ex. You think the ex is worse? No, the best friend's worse. Because the best friend's relevant now, aren't they? The ex, you can just think, I don't know, well, I don't really know what you can say. But you've got to pass with them, haven't you? Does it have to be a first and second name as well to just confirm it?
2:53Sarah Cummings. Sarah Cummings one of your exes by the way I haven't made that up just made it up to be fair there was a spell when I first met Louise that I called her her sister's name a few times to the point where she was like why does this keep happening yeah would you would you be offended if Louise called you her ex's name nah but she said oh Bowser I'd be furious I've gone I've given my sister's ex to her current husband now, like only last year. I don't know why, but I just called her ex's name. What's he called? Treff. No, I know what Treff's called. Jeff. Yeah, and I just said Jeff.
3:41Oh, see, that's not too bad, is it? No, but I felt real, like, it was awkward. Treff and Jeff. If it were something like Treff and Muhammad, then it was totally different, wouldn't it? Was it obvious as well? Yeah, it was obvious. It was obvious. Did you address it? No, did I address it? I think everyone was just like, oh. And I just went, oh. So just noises? Yeah, just a room full of noises. Treff and Jeff, that's not far off. Yeah, but no, it was clear that I'd just made the mistake. I think you're right, though. I think ex-wife's name, ex-partner's name, you can kind of dig your way out. Yeah.
4:20But if you're seeing one of our best friends, hell on. Another question I was going to go with, but I struggle with both of these. Would you rather have a nose that never stops growing or ears that never stop growing? I'm fucked on both counts. I think ears. Nose and ears never stop growing, do they? No matter what age you get to. What year old is you're still growing? Maybe not nose as much, but definitely ears, because that's why old men have massive ears. Long ears. Big, long ears. Don't they? But yeah, I think there's a bit of an element of fact there. I only deal in facts, Chris. You know that.
4:56I only deal in facts. You might have made the nose one up. Interesting. Talking about facts, interesting facts. Go on. I might bring one of these every week. Interesting fact that I found interesting this week that I didn't know. Robbie Keane's cousin is Morrissey from the Smiths. That is shite. Yeah, don't fetch another one of them. Do you not think that... They need to be better than that. Yeah. Matty, do you appreciate that? No, we don't. Bollocks. You shouldn't have said he's bollocks. Why didn't you? You should have said, whatever you do, don't say that on Friday Club. Don't say that Robbie Keane-Smith's one.
5:31That blew my mind. No. Why? Like, just the related. Robbie Keane and Morrissey? I guarantee people will find that interesting. A lot of people won't even know who Morrissey are. What? I've heard of him. I won't be able to reckon. I won't reckon that. You wouldn't be bothered who his cousin was, would you? Unless it's their Robbie. It's their Robbie, aye. Well, everybody can let me know whether you find that interesting or not. I'd rather my ears carry on growing, I think. Would you? But like, what about sticky out that grow out? If you've not got, if they're not sticky out ears, if they're just normal ears and they're growing, you're not going to be able to see them really front on eye yourself.
6:14You know what I mean? If they're sticky out, if they're like satellite dishes and they're growing out and you're like an African elephant, maybe different. Me personally, with my ears, I'm quite content with my ears. It's one of my best features, actually. Yeah, they're quite cute, actually. I've heard people say that before. They don't work, but... They are in proportion. They're really nice. Thanks. Have you ever thought that? Yeah, lovely ears. I've heard people mention it before. Thank you. Talk about Leeds away. Yeah, good day, wasn't it? Oh, what happened today? I've been to the gym this morning.
6:49This is in fact of the week. Let us tell you. Chucked everything in my bag. I've gone to the gym, pulling my stuff out. This is what happened. I've even brought a demonstration. There's a bloke in a change across from me. Pulled my T-shirt out. And that's what happened. Oh, brah. Suspenders. The suspender belt I had to do for fancy dress. Just went over the edge like that. Bloke across from me. Looked. So, yeah, my fancy dress basically fell out my bag. Why do you take it home? Well, when we were just packing up, I was going to chuck it in the bin, and then I thought, well, if I fail again, is there any point in buying another fancy dress?
7:26Yeah, I got you a different one. Yeah, I was just trying to be a cost-effective. I just remembered of the awkward moment when we'd finished the first show, and we thought, right, are we done? And then someone went, what about your fancy dress? I think, bless him, I think the guy were on his own as well. He was, and I'm going to speak. He's from Sunderland, I spoke to him after. he says on the morning he'd just finished watching his boy play football and thought see what the lads are doing see if they fancy the Leeds show so he messaged everybody nobody was available up for it he thought fuck it I'm going to drive down on my own so he came down watched the first show and then was back up north out in Newcastle that is dedication isn't it so Greg thank you very much mate yeah but we're just about to wrap it up weren't we the first show and he's going fancy dress in your face Before we started the first show, we were saying, well, we said we didn't sell that many tickets, did we, for the matinee?
8:21A bit last minute. What, 60, 70 people there, shall we say? Less than that? Less than that. 50s. And I said, I'm pretty sure we listen back to the terms and conditions for the fancy dress. It was if it's a sold out show. But, you know, we're splitting us. But I remember saying, well, if nobody mentions it, let's just waver it. and we'll go for the second one. Anyway, first show finishes. All ready for us. Thanks for coming. Where's the fancy dress? Fuck. Yeah, it looks painful, isn't it? It's shit on your roses, Pilla. I'm not surprised either, by the way, because it was just painful. What? Just it came to a natural end.
9:06Everyone enjoyed the show. We've got a bit of a clap, and then you had to come out and perform. So, yeah, it was awkward, but we made the best. But that second show as well. First of all, thanks everybody for coming. Yeah, I appreciate it. It was a great show. Yeah, it was. And didn't your shoes turn up in Leeds City Centre or something? What was the story? I took my shoes off in the second show and fired them into the... I hit some blocking face, by the way. Apologies. Oh, you can't laugh and then apologise. With me kitten heels. Oh, well, he saw the funny side as well. They gave us a thumbs up.
9:41but then on the way home somebody sent a video message and you can't can you only open them once on instagram video messages so i was trying to open it again and you and it was just a pam a leeds city center and then a one inch kitten eel just in the middle of this room but no it was a very good day good night all around i'd like to give john a telling off you know like when I speak about how you get your best out of your players I think I'd have getting the best out of him yeah because it was only me and him that ended up going out you and Matty headed back Killer was somewhere else and we'd get in this it was busy wasn't it we went in really busy far too busy for a 43 year old man who don't want to be in there what kind of clientele are we talking young there was something for everybody yeah there was different age groups I could see his head going down and there was a fellow on the guitar live music he always speaks about live music so I felt like rather than just want to relax and have a good time myself.
10:39I felt like I needed to make him have a good time. So I was like, sit there, John, I'll go to the bar. What do you want? Vodka. Lemonade. By the way, I weren't umpy, weren't I? Look at this. You'll know what I mean, Chrissie. So I'm getting him the vodka, and I've said, how's that? Is that okay for you? I got this from him. That face. So I'm shaking my head. So the audio is shaking his head. And his lip kind of, yeah. British Bulldog face. So we've sat for another 20 minutes. I've finished my drink. So you stay, I'll go to the bar, get another one. Breastfeeding him. Oh no, I tell you what, no.
11:18This is because you've got a 50 % discount card. Yeah, I could have given the card to you. Possibly I, yeah. Non-transferable. That's a good deal, well, at 50%. I know. So then we sat again and I've asked another question. I got a similar response. I went, fuck me, you're a drainer, aren't you? You're just a drainer. Yeah. And it registered. I could see he thought, do you know what? Dementor. He's fucking right. Two minutes later, he's clicking his finger. Ed Sheeran's on the guitar. You know, the Trump dance came out. Still sat down like, it was that one. I thought, I've done the job. Poor for staff.
11:57But you... Yeah. He needed a kick up the arse. I'm starting to get tired at that time. I know, but you don't have to drag everybody else down. But what do you always do then? Go home. I'm leaving on his own I'd have been alright John I know you would have but last time I tried going home in Italy fuck me even even went hiding in a different room so he could stop out a bit longer because I knew I wouldn't leave him on his own but I just think if there's two of us out I wouldn't want to put my misery on somebody I'd at least try and see I'm more for you going to enjoy yourself I'm alright here it's it's time for you've just got to have an open conversation at that point I'm I'm tired what do you want to do I didn't force you rather than spoil it you know like chucking toys out at pram I didn't force you to come out John there were no chucking I weren't sat umpy you were sulking I weren't sat um sulking I was just sat like that just sat just looking about do the head shake people bumping into me that's what I don't like yeah that was annoying I'm sat down and there's people bumping into me as I'm having my drink yeah you know what I mean that's all in the past that We got speaking to a couple of coshers and the dog nons appeared.
13:08Him on the sofa with two, what were they? With my three dogs. Are they yours then? I thought there was some randoms. No, no. Is that the picture you put in the group? That was the live photograph. That means to go in the Patreon. Were they professional pictures? Yeah, when they did the... You've been seeing a professional photographer for photographs with the dogs? Nope. That is not correct. Oh, please, divulge a little further. The professional photographers came to my house to do the photo shoot for the front cover of my second book. So I said, oh, you couldn't... He said, you couldn't take some of me at dogs, could you?
13:52Yeah, no problem. We might even make it the front cover. So you've had a professional photographer take pictures of you and the dogs? Yeah. But I didn't employ him. I didn't say, hiya, my name's John. Could you come to our house and text me photos of me and the dogs, please? Have you good ones? Do you do different poses and stuff? You look well on there, aren't I? Pretty similar. Nice, aren't they, them dogs? Look, you can't tell me they're not cute. Have you got that framed at home? No. No, I have not, Chris. You won't. It's on top of a mantelpiece, though.
14:32No. So, on that, we aren't even realising it. I've turned into a fluffer. Oh, I think I saw this, actually. Good afternoon, chaps. The best foreplay ever is the title. Just a quick one. I just wanted to say a big thank you. We came to the Leeds show on Saturday night and we all had an amazing time, especially my mates' missus, Emma. As a lifelong Preston fan and a fully paid up member of the John Parkin fan club, she could hardly contain her excitement all night. You would think John was David Beckham the way she was acting. As you can see from the attached photo, she met and had a chat with her Preston hero and you too, Brownie.
15:19In 20 years of knowing Emma, I have never seen her so excited. An evening with Parkey had Emma on heat by the time she got home and her husband, Simon, had her legs in the air in no time. In short, John Parkey in the best foreplay ever. So I've got her riled up and Simon's gone home and... I wonder how Simon... I think I remember that. I think I remember that. I wonder how Simon would have felt if she'd have said John. I don't think he'd have minded, to be honest. Did we get an invite back to theirs, I think? I did. Weed? It's all about you, John, you know. Oh, did we? Yeah. So basically, if town's crap...
16:00I've got Emma going just by being my normal natural self. Yeah. And then Simon's ploughed in and fucking the fruits of my labour. Fruits of the basket. So Peroni, Simon, if you want to send 12 bottles of. She's a fully-fledged man. What would be involved with the fan club if we set up a fan club? you've got to send food what do you get if you're a member of the fan club I thought you'd make what you need to be in it to send food and lager if you join the fan club you usually get something yeah key ring or something well there's nothing better than a foot a foot to my good self with dogs in a key ring isn't it in a key ring and you get a keys what's that oh it's just John and his dogs what else would you get you get a A monthly...
16:53Regular correspondence? No, I forget. But you get a monthly photo of him in a... Different scenarios? Yeah. Thong or something. Calendar? Calendar, that's your boy. Yeah. Do a charity calendar. Yeah. What month would you want? February. December. Please. Oh, we're going to have three each, won't we? I know. I'll have February January, February, March and get me out of the way Thing is they're bad months for people so I think that's a good show I know January's not a great month so imagine seeing me on the fridge every morning cheer you up cheer you them up I think it might have the adverse effect Do you think?
17:40January for on the fridge if you're dieting To keep them out Yeah Look this is what it could look like When you're going for that to Claire Oh, actually. Actually. But we should do a calendar. I know we're talking about dreams a shite. You do it now and again. No. You have done it. Or is it you, Matty? Both of you. Matty talks about dreams. Yeah, and it's shit, right? But I need to tell you about this one I had. Sunday. As soon as somebody says I had a dream last night, I'm switching off. Yeah, same. But can I carry on? Yeah, of course you can. We'll entertain it. Sunday night, I'm dreaming that I'm playing in the Premier League for Sunderland against Arsenal, which is pretty normal.
18:24Oh, sorry to interject already. I'm going to anyway. What age are you? Are you like now? Are you younger self? I'm now. I'm now. And I know this because Roy Keane was the manager and he's went through the team and then he went, and in goal, Eden. Right? Nikki. I know she's only three but if you're good enough you're old enough our Eden was in net right I'm thinking she's going to have no chance if that goes in the top corner she's fucked even the girl women are not very good at nets are they like having a sensible deliberation I remember running these thoughts to me I'm thinking and she's clingy she's not going to stay in the goal she's going to say daddy you're having to drive but I'm thinking I would just carry on and she's gonna have to do her job.
19:15She is good, but... I remember being in the tunnel and thinking, I need a nervous piss. So I've gone and again I'm thinking, our reading's gonna come running after us any minute because she's clingy. So I'm having this long piss, right? And true to form, I read it, Daddy, Daddy! In a full kit, gloves on. Yeah, gloves on. And then I've woke up, right? Looked down, I've pissed myself. In bed? In bed!
19:45stone cold sober and I needed to got some roysers on
19:53could not believe it and I remember thinking this is a lot you know like the piss is that you need to be quick because I'm in the tunnel waiting to go out and it just went on forever and ever woke up and I pissed myself you pissed the bed pissed the bed box of shorts on unbelievable that is funny but I would have liked to have known Oh no, she didn't. I know, I wouldn't like that. Yeah. Got a 1-0 win. If you're good enough, you're old enough. I remember the words coming out of his mouth. That's the best dream story I've ever heard. I can't believe you slashed your bed. I know. What are you doing?
20:27Were you in bed alone? No, I wrote something with us at this point. He was playing left back. So I've had to get the top sheet off. I said, sorry, son, daddy's been sweating. Big game last night. I'll open a window. But then the next day, I'm taking him to school, I'm telling Louise the story on loudspeak, and I've just seen him look at us with his mouth open, like, you wet the bed. Oh, God. What do you do? Just turn the mattress off or off? No, put a towel down. Do you have a protector on? No. So I whip the sheet off and put the towel down. No, but I mean, what are you doing going forward? I'm going to have to get some of that thingy powder, baking soda, is it?
21:08Bicarbonate soda. White wine. but yeah I've done it drunk but never sober it was just mad because I knew the piss was taking forever and I'm looking over the referee's blowing his whistle to get us all out come on bell's going are you not thinking about getting a new mattress ah that's been worse than that on their job plenty in the tank
21:31no if you put the thingy soda down it absorbs the this could be a bit of a a bit of a tip white vinegar tip it absorbs it yeah and then you hoover it up. It gets rid of the smell and that. I think I'd be forced to get a new mattress. You don't mind pissing shit. No, no. If you slathered on it, I could understand. I'd be forced to get a new mattress. That's what I said. Right. So you're handed before us. I'm not sleeping in that. Get a new mattress. The Fanny Farter. Oh. Hi, lads. People are doing this because I struggle to pronounce it. They've gone, anon, please. I'm a relatively new listener with my mate showing me the podcast when we were in Thailand earlier this year.
22:13This story is relatively short, but first I will give you a brief overview of the evening. Many years ago, I met a girl, let's say six out of ten, on Twitter. Since when's Twitter being a pickup platform? People will try all sorts, won't they? Slipping in. And within a few days, she had invited me over to her parents' house. I got off the train and her dad picked me up and drove us back to their house. Is she a tie? I don't know, John. Unknown that I was about to nail his daughter. Jesus wept. Nail. I go in, I say hello to the mother, pet the dog, then head upstairs to get the puss. Oh, my God.
22:58That is awful. Has he purposely missed the Y off that, or is it a typo? Has he gone with Puss? I'd like to think he's missed the Y. We are near enough. The Puss is not met much now. No, it's not much. It's better than Puss. It's better than Puss. We are near enough straight down to business. So he's met a girl on Twitter, got the train over, her dad's picked her up, petted the dog, and now he's shagging her upstairs. We finish creating the beast with two backs, and are watching TV. And I call down for tea. Sounds like it's a fucking good all afternoon. Good all afternoon, they're saying it. I don't really understand the beast.
23:37Sorry, I'll read that again. We finish creating the beast with two backs and I'm watching TV and I call down for tea. His dad's making him supper. I don't understand the beast with two backs. Is that a prison for a baby? Or is that like when they're together, you're a beast with two backs. I'm just trying to make... sense of it all. No. They were engaging in intercourse. Yeah. Which I wasn't aware was going to be a sit-down meal around the dining room table. Awkward when I've not washed my hands and we are all picking up pizza together and they're asking me questions about my personal life. All I can think is, I still have a semi from nailing your daughter.
24:21Anyway, I'm digressing. We are getting down to business upstairs and I slither down her body to take my tongue on a visit to the tuna canoe. As I'm heading south, she stops me to say, no, you can't. I fanny fart. I respond, that's okay, I don't mind. Well, let me tell you, this is like someone blowing up a balloon and letting it out all over your cheeks. The noise is incredible. But the finished pizza and gone back up again? He's gone, yeah. Oh, yeah, good lad. Picture putting your palms over your mouth and blowing to do those fake farts. That's textbook.
25:12Exactly that, he says. No smell, just pure air. There won't be a smell, will there? I'm under the sheets, dying laughing when she asks. You're not laughing at us, are you? Of course not. is the reply. I complete the job and then again after the downstairs dinner party was complete. So he's gone three times. No, no. The downstairs dinner party is the tuna canoe. I complete the job and then again after the downstairs dinner party was complete. Oh yes, he has gone three times. I thought you meant I was gone down. Gone down from a piece of paper. A few days later she came to my parents' house for the day and true to form Fanny farted all over my face, fingers and todger.
25:56After this visit, she drunk called me and told me she loved me, so we never spoke to or saw each other again. It was a brief encounter, but one that I always remember, and my mates have taken countless videos of me drunk, recreating the scene and the noises. Do you have any fanny-farting stories or experiences? Never encountered anything like this since. Hilarious stuff. Oh, so this is not in Thailand, is it? No, I thought that initially. I thought pizza was an unusual meal for the Thai time. Nodal broth or something. yeah yeah I thought that as well yeah you know if it happens I just if you go if you're in and you're I just go oh yeah you know let's just sort of diffuse the situation oh but do you think they always have to acknowledge it yeah not clarify that it's not a real fart yeah that wasn't that That was just air.
26:48It's just air. That's the one. It's just air. It wasn't from me bottom. Oh, you've put loads of air in us. That's when it goes... The triple header. The spit all over me, mate. I better stand up one. You know, when the air is in, but then there's a stand up. Because that's a more... It's got a bit of longevity to it. Why does it happen more regular? It's only certain positions, isn't it? I found I found because obviously you'd think it'd happen all the time wouldn't you it's just the phrase innit a fanny fart what's the there's definitely a thingy term what is the proper term for it yeah we've all I think we've all had the experience haven't we yeah but it's a chuckler innit yeah it's just a well I've got vaginal flatulence which is pretty self explanatory yeah but that sounds more horrible than what it actually is, doesn't it?
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27:49Queefing. Queefing. Queefing. Queef. Queefing. See, I thought queef was also referred to female. Ejaculation? Yeah. Well, sometimes a bit of air comes out with a queef. This one sounds aggressive. Garulitis vulvae. Yeah, that sounds like a tier two. It'd be handy for you now with that queef, wouldn't it? Just blow your queef back. He wanted to have to get the old, give it a blow. Just get downstream from a funny fart. Cheers. Just cool down a bit as well. Beards in me face. Beards in me face. Cheers.
28:30Glad he's doing a favour. Beards in me left eye. And clench. Don't bother. See, his people do it in the gym. You know, like at the end of the rower or the bike. They just stick their head in. I'm never going to look at it again. That's the him. Rose says you get a few, you know, in certain gym classes, in yoga and whatnot, when you've got to do certain positions and then you're just like, you know, there's 12 women in a room and like three of them will stand up with them. It were a, I didn't fart. I remember doing yoga with Neil Mellor at Preston and it was the pelvic tilts. And for some reason, every time he put his lumbar spine to the floor, it made the sound of a fanny fart.
29:12He just kept going, that's not a fart, I promise. It's not a fart.
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31:3518 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calci.com slash regulatory. Hey, it's Bill from the Bill Simmons podcast. FIFA World Cup 26 fans, listen up. Is the official beer sponsor of the FIFA World Cup 26? Michelob Ultra is giving away$1 million worth of FIFA World Cup 26 tickets and prizes. Enter now at michlobaltra.com slash superior access slash FIFA World Cup 26. Michelob Ultra FIFA World Cup 26, superior access, no purchase necessary.
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32:40Pays. It checks out. Activation required. See Pays.com to learn more. Terms and conditions apply. Now, I've got one here, which is a complete fabrication. I'm going to go for something different here. A bit of background music to go. Alright. Has he provided the music? No, no. Are you going to put some on? this is the story of Brian
33:08Tori lads Brian here long time listener first time shaming of myself now I've got a little plot of allotments down in Bratford been growing my own veg for years proper proud of it carrots, courgettes runner beans the size of baseball bats they call me the vegetable whisperer around here probably because I talk to them or maybe it's the other stuff who knows I've got a big reputation round Bradford not just me veg but also me being and I quote the world's best steel erector I tell everyone that it's not true obviously I got sacked from a scaffolding job in 2004 for falling asleep in a wheelbarrow.
33:57But it's stuck, and I like the way it sounds when I say it in the pub. Anyway, here's where it gets dicey. So, I've got these massive corjettes coming in this one summer. I mean, borderline offensive in size. Nature's dirty joke. I'm in my shed one afternoon having a couple of tins, and I'm feeling a bit curious. Let's just say I had a browse on internet night before and found a forum. I won't say which one, but it rhymed with Reddit. I'll spare you the full mechanics of it, but one thing led to another and let's just say I got better acquainted with my produce. Safety first though, I used a marigold and a bit of lube.
34:49I found it back at Greenhouse. What the fuck? It said WD-40, but it was a posh kind. Lemon scented. Fast forward a few days and I'm in allotment with Big Dave from Plot 17. He's showing me his turnips and I'm pretending I care. And he goes, hey up stringer, what's that hanging out your back pocket? I look down and it's one of my special courgettes I forgot to put back in the compost. Split, reaped out middle. Looked like it had been through to war. I panicked and said I was saving it for a sculpture project He didn't buy it Obviously Now every time he sees me He just gives me a little wink and says Been erecting any beams today mate?
35:37Oh and one more thing I've got massive ears Like satellite dishes My mum says I could get Sky Sports 3 if I leaned in the right direction Anyway Cheers lads Keep up the good work Love the pod Brian The world's best Steeler Hector Has he just Has he just Seemingly Until he just Shows his car It's up his arse
36:04There's no There's no real Rhyme of reason Is there I just want to let you know I've started to show My car Shows his car I grow up my arse And I've got Massive ears
36:15I don't like the Mutes Yeah I think That could be A new addition Yeah I think a few more stories from Brian I think they speak a bit different from Bradford though Do they? It worked though I wasn't sure on the regional Giving you credit it worked I think you went more Yorkshire than Yeah Like South Yorkshire than Right But Well done I like the barrigolds and the WD40 Yeah Lemon scented What did he say at the start? It's the first time he's took the piss out of himself or something He said Brian here Long time listener first time shamer of myself. God bless Brian. Tell you what I want to do. I want to fucking email it.
36:57I want to email it, lads. They're going to want to know I shove courgettes up my arse, aren't they? Yeah, of course they are. He's gone in big there, hasn't he? For his first one. A courgette? I don't think it's his first rodeo. I reckon he's been. What do you think? What do you think he's starting with a green bean? Green bean. green peppers. They don't have to be green. Peppers are wide. No, but you know, when they're first sprouting, they start longer thin, don't they? I'm going carrot, I think. Carrot. Baby carrot, you know, because obviously it's thinner at the top, isn't it, and then it expands at the bottom.
37:34Just teasering with green at the end. Before you know it, you're on half a pound of spuds. Yeah. Hi, lads. Blah, blah, blah. Great show as per. Got a tale for you And on my life it's true Good few years back now A good mate of mine Told me this tale of him on a night out He's a dirty twister too Here we go get comfy On his worst Christmas do Building site night out He gets chatting with a 9 out of 10 lass Let's call her Eve My mate He has got the gift of the gab for a short ass and looks a bit rough. Anyway, he gets her number and goes on his way. Few hours later, he bumps into Eve again. Not exciting so far, I know.
38:29Well, he makes his move in the taxi rank. Right, lads, I'm off back to hers, he says. Now in the taxi, let's say heavy petting is occurring. My mate notices the taxi driver keeps looking at him in his rear view mirror. thinking he may be getting jumped and not in the way he wants to he's a bit wary of the driver anyway pulls up at Eve's house pays him and carries on with his heavy petting on the doorstep he cops a bit of a feel down the old tuppy area oh no turns out Eve is a Steve and covers it very well he says to her what the fuck is going on here and you're what I think you are Yeah, you're coming in was the reply.
39:18So Steve is still thinking he's going to get his back end fired into. He tells Steve to fuck off and gets back in the taxi. On his way home, the driver says, you okay, pal? Yes, was the reply. Confused as fuck by the magic trick he encountered, he asked the taxi driver why he was still outside the house. His reply, oh, I've dropped up before. I knew you'd be straight back pretty soon he said regular occurrence see there's got to be a disclaimer there has to be you can't what's your thoughts you're fuming aren't you what's your thoughts on it all and would you have gone in credit to my mate he has never held back on this story and even relayed it to his dad when we're on the piss together he just said what the fuck is wrong with you son I promise this is a true story and not fabricated or anything added up to spice it up as always up the cosh so the question is what would you have done the thing is you have to give a full disclaimer it's like the extremes of the wonder bra you know because that's disappointing enough imagine turning up cloffing off and there's a sausage what about what about the taxi driver he knows what's coming he knows he's going in a taxi sharpish and just waiting for him it's a good taxi driver in that yeah no I wouldn't I wouldn't be I'm just not interested in penises I'm nothing against anybody who has obviously whatever floats your boat but no I'm not really into the cock Fair enough innit so what you're saying is you get No matter how I'm straight in the taxi Are you obviously it's a man now Are you giving him a crack?
41:01No I'm just getting back in the car I'm just Not even like pissing his door or something? No Just getting back in the car What's she saying? Alright nice to meet you mate see you later Paul oh you bugger you nearly had me then you bugger not for me that song you've been knicking on with a fella I know more than like you've got hard on it back at taxi 100 % I would have or just put it down for a bad job you make mistakes you just go there you don't carry on making them I'm at least throwing a stone at him on my way down path but that's the I mean we've spoke about catfishing that's the worst The ultimate catfish.
41:42What's wrong with these fellas? Just tell them. I know, that's three or four. Just tell us. Yeah, just tell us. Tell us. I'm a man. Right, sound. We'll go on with separate words. Aw. Aw, come on, let's have a good one. No problem, I have no problem. I have no problem with that. Let's crack on. He's not going to mind if you leave the toilet seat up, is he? No. What are you doing? Eh? I'm winning for ten. For a brew. I'll go have a cup of tea and a drink. Shit bag. Hello, lads. love the plod, love the pod, blah blah blah. As I type this, it's Friday evening, so Friday Club is fresh in my mind. I have just had a massive shit on the toilet.
42:20Boring story, or perhaps not. Anonymous as always. I've had a heavy day on the drink and on the food today. It's one of my in-laws' birth days and we've hit it hard around their house. loads of beer and a big fat hot buffet hot pork and stuffing rolls hot beef rolls loads of roast potatoes gravy and carbs and then some bifty cake for afters parky's dream you're not it's not that better buffet to me anyway it got to around 9 p.m and we had to head home as we we had to take the kids to bed no problem i know when i've had enough ale we started early and i've got a big session on the cards tomorrow so time to recharge you've got to know when to stop especially if you if you foresight for tomorrow as well nothing nothing wrong with that we get home the kids are safely tucked up in bed by 9 45 p.m that's when it hit wife goes to bed early so no bother i sprinted to the downstairs throne to promptly evacuate my bowels for a safe, discreet shite, but I didn't know what was coming.
43:34I sat down and within seconds, the most gigantuan shite I've ever passed flew into the toilet bowl. I usually know when I'm about to get rid of a large torpedo, so I normally flush before it hits the toilet. Quite a skill, by the way, but this usually gets rid of any evidence. So am I right in saying he's going, he knows it's... He's on the angle, innit? He knows, ready, right, aim, fire! Straight down, gets shook down the chute. But if he gets it wrong, then he's getting on the seat, innit? And shiting on the... On the side. On the side, which causes more damage. This time, however, whether I was a bit too tipsy or tired, or a bit of both, I forgot to press the flusher.
44:27I turned around to have a look, and there it was, the most monstrous excrement I have ever seen. I was quite proud. I instantly flushed. No movement. No photo? He hasn't said he took a photo. Started wiping, flushed again. This big fella isn't budging. I flushed again five or six more times over the course of ten minutes. It's absolutely no movement. What can I do? I have to think on my feet and importantly, not wake anybody up. One of our kids is four months old, so is still in nappies. So we have loads of scented nappy bags around the house and a handful in the drawer in the downstairs loo. I proceeded to hold one nappy bag around my hand as if I'm about to scoop a dog poo up and held an open nappy bag with my other hand.
45:25Yeah, you know what's coming. Into the toilet my hand goes and I had a good hold of my big log. Anyway, I managed to dump it into the other nappy bag with little to no debris in the toilet or the surrounding areas. Result. But now, how do I dispose of the evidence? I can't put it in our normal household bin. The smell would surely be disgraceful after half an hour. and obviously need to think about the hygiene. I can't put it in our wheelie bin for the same reason. It's just been collected, so I can't hide it amongst the other rubbish, and the smell would surely be horrendous. Now, the next thing I did, I am not proud of.
46:09I slipped my flip-flops on, quietly opened the door, making sure not to wake anybody up, and began to walk down the street with a bag of the largest ever shite in my hand. I saw a wheelie bin two doors down with the blinds closed and here was my chance. I didn't think twice. I dumped the bag in the empty wheel bin. I slowly crept back through the front door, washing my hands and woke up no one. Thank fuck for that. I'm just glad I didn't need to have a shit around my in-law's house. I think I've got away with it lads. I'm assuming they've got a ring doorbell camera as most do now, but if questioned I'm sure I can blag it.
46:48Not sure what I'm going to say if I do get questioned, but future me can deal with that when it comes to it. I'll keep you posted. All the best, lads, and keep up the good work. Your weekly podcast has helped me with some ups and downs and gives us the chance to zone out from my stresses of everyday life, like carrying your own shit bag down the street. Looking forward to seeing you live when you come back into town again. Up the cosh. See Does he think that his missus Doesn't know that he shits I'll go downstairs I'll go downstairs for his shit Because She don't think that I do Some people aren't as Liberated with shitting Yeah See You know when he's Got the hand down the lather I think he can just go with a couple of snaps Yeah Just go with a crunch Maybe not A squelch Yeah But you can break it Like tomato puree coming out When you're putting it One of them but I think you can go just get your hand in snap flush go on put the rest in flush yeah I think that would have been the most sensible option yeah yeah I don't think you need to carry I don't think you need to be carrying it right out on that street have you ever had a cloggage in an unfortunate area position one of me I think I might have spoke about it was in Wakey's student accommodation blocked the house toilet yeah that was a black bin bag job did you go with the snap?
48:16no she did it she did it blame you? no she she went and got it? oh sorry she got it no no she unblocked it it was bad so did you have to go out sheepish and say I'm really sorry yeah so hold on a minute why did she have to do it? I don't know I didn't make her I think she just volunteered what she just went I'll sort that come on step out of the way you're soft twat true love that innit see my pals think well they think that my arsehole's in the wrong place what on your face like my arsehole must be a lot higher than other people's because you splat the wrong there's always debris dark back and back it must just be your positioning I think you need a stool so you're getting your angles right I've got time to fuck about with stools Chris you can buy it on Amazon I've, I've, I've, I've, you know, I'm not on Amazon.
49:12Or do you just have a big arse? Like, yeah, it's a big one. You cover a lot of the toilet seat. Yeah. But I cannot have a shite debris up back. I've got a, I've got a. So you're obviously sat too far back on the pan. Do you lean forward? If I go any further forward, me old man's hitting front. It's all right, isn't it? No, but it's not, because if you're pissing, obviously you're shitting, you're getting splashed back, aren't you? What about trajectory? Are you leaning forward? Like, are you putting your hands on your knees? What, like the eagle?
49:43I've got my hands behind his side glasses on this is risky this I don't know definitely can't say it but he had told us a couple of stories about sniffing his missus's sister's underwear no way
50:05it reminded us when you said he took it out because he he saw a pair on the landing and he panicked and the next thing they're in his pocket and he's not right what did he panic about just well it was just awkward isn't it if anybody like if they're in the bathroom and there was a pair lying there he's just thought on his feet got them and then they're there they're in there secured he didn't need to pick them up he could have just left he could have just had a piss washed his hands left no but he likes smelling but he likes Yeah, he gets off on it. And anyway... So it's a thing for him anyway.
50:44Is his sister... Mrs's sister fit? By all accounts, yeah. And he said he's got a problem because he's walking to the shop. I think he went to the shop or something. He must have sniffed back in his pocket, walked to the shop with a young one. And he thought, I need to get rid of them before I get home. By the way, this is fucking... This is a list job. sex offenders list job this is it? no not sniffing a pair of knickers you've done it I'm fucking entave why is it sex offenders it's just sniffing a pair of underwear no let's do it wrong with snicking it what if you've got consent to the personal underwear it is so not a sister yeah he's snicking on me snicking a knickers is fucking or theft well you've got theft in there and all really yeah just a criminal offence I don't know if it's sex offenders you don't think it should be on the sex offenders list well I think you've got I think you've got well you do it have you ever done it nah well do you think it's Strange that someone does do it.
51:36Yeah, I think it's... Well, that's maybe why it should be on the list then, isn't it? On the list, though. Yeah! I'd say a ticket off. Oh, just a slap right. Stop. Explain the punnick as that. He's panicked and just chucked them over his neighbour's garden.
51:54And I get it, because he's obviously like, I can't turn up at home with these in my pocket, so he's just going...
52:02So, is he at the sister's house? No, he's at his house. She's visiting. Right. Why has she left the knickers on the floor? She must have had a shower or something and they're just a stray pair. She must have took her clothes up and took her to her room and a pair have dropped. And he's fucked up. And he's like, oh. He says he puts them over his head. Oh, God, man. Oh, that's Spider-Man. The gusset's there. And his eyes are just... Like Bane in Batman. Oh, my God. He did it. So the gusset's just there. And is he masturbating with these on his head? Oh, yeah. So do you know how I started to think maybe it should be?
52:47It's just a fetish. It's more of a fetish than an illegal thing, John. There are certain levels, though, like, even if I did, like, get off on it a little bit, there'd be a moment when I've got a pair of knickers on me head with a gusset in my mouth. Sister's knickers. And I'm tugging off where I go, what am I doing? What's happening with your eyes here? What am I doing here? What's going on here? Actually, just take them off. It's just the way to the story. And of course it's there. I think that's bad, mate. In what way? Well, excuse me. I'm not saying it's right, but it's not like... It obviously just gets off on...
53:38Well, I don't think it's right. Bye. Game up, please. Like, is it a nice smell? I don't even think... Snail trail's in. Oh, no. Fucking outslugs have been out. I think that was my thing. What you hoping for? Yeah. Obviously, we're all, you know, different horses for different courses. Blown my mind a bit, that one. I never thought you bought. What, the fact that he sniffs knickers off? Have you ever sniffed a pair of knickers? Mm-hmm. For what purpose? Just like... Are they clean? Oh, yeah, I don't mean like... Not for a second. No, no, not for a second. Have you ever thought, ooh... Well, you've got your warm wood in your hat.
54:24No, no. Have you ever? No. No, I never know that. No. But then you said... We're three men of the world. Is it the same as when you said, I'd love to sniff that lass's fart in the taxi? I think that's a bit different. She's openly giving that to the world, isn't she? What if she offered to jar it for you? I wouldn't really like to sniff a fart, would I? It's just a fucking euphemism. A euphemism. I would suck a fart out of her arse. I just wish I could have seen the panic. Oh, I'd like to smell your farts. The panic. Just launch them over a fence.
55:10Can you imagine, by the way, can you imagine, like, forgetting about them? And, like, the missus finding not only a pair of soiled knickers, but your sister's soiled knickers. You could palm it off them. What? You could say, oh, they were just on floor, so I picked them up. Yeah, I didn't want the kids sniffing them. on the kids fucking washing the teeth with him yeah it's just the way he told the story there
55:39it's a bit wrong that with that like you know i think it's very wrong you know the sisters and he's missing some stirs and he's upstairs wanking with his sister's knickers the sister's knickers on his head
55:56I don't even think I'd want to hang with anybody's knickers on me head
56:03not even me it's just just knickers on me on me head I don't know about who's your first like Helen Mirren back in the day she had a good shift at work what's she been running shift at work no no no I don't want no I don't think I do I don't want to smell a fanny no it doesn't do anything it doesn't do anything for me just smell the dirty knickers same as you said I feel like I feel as though like I was I feel awkward towards myself yeah I'd be judging myself while I was sat on an exit bed legs swinging and a pair of knickers on me head I'd be like what are you doing Maybe that's half the thrill though.
56:43It must be. Just think if everybody saw me doing this, what would they think of me? You're an animal. See, I can't get red around your Pokebum wanks. I don't have Pokebum wanks. I don't think we can judge. I don't think we can be in a position that you like, fingers up your arse. You like... Well, I've never had a Pokebum wank. Well, I've never had a Pokebum wank either. No, you have. I don't think we should judge anybody that likes sniffing other people's knickers. No, no judgment. Even the Irish history-in-laws. No judgment. Gentlemen, we have got a special message from Salee, which is the new eSIM app from our very good friends at NordVPN.
57:25What have they got for us, Chrissie? It's the new eSIM app. You get it on your phone. All you've got to do, go into the app store, download the Salee app. You know when you go away? Roaming charges. We've all been stung with it. You've got that many times. Stupid airplane at the top. Yeah, numerous times. Searching. You go into different networks. You can't get on the internet. Well, with the Silly app, you just go on, turn on your eSIM, you get internet, wherever you are in the world. Incredible. No more add-ons. No more add-ons. Sick of the sight of add-ons. Yeah, I've been stung quite a few times with that.
57:57Because I'm not very technical, but I don't need to be now, do I? Well, you got stung, didn't you, when we went away and the hotel didn't have Wi-Fi? I needed to watch something, yeah. Watching all them videos. But to be fair, not only is it obviously easy to work, the security, as anything we know of VPN, is impeccable. So all you've got to do if you want to get involved with a silly app is go to the app store, download the app, and use the code, get ready for this, kosh, and get 15 % off your first purchase. Or you can use the QR code on the screen, or the link is in the description. Are all batteries the same?
58:39That's like asking if all soccer players are the same. Take Messi, the most decorated player ever. Is there any other player who has achieved that? No, just him. Now take Duracell. Is there any other battery with power boost ingredients inside? No, just Duracell. Remember, goats only trust goats because they're built different. And Messi only trusts Duracell. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.
59:21Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. We'll finish on a quick question. Go on. you can only clean one of these for the rest of your life your backside or your teeth which one are you choosing obviously you've chosen your backside I've said I've met this as you didn't about six years old teeth would you I know but you're stinking a shit aren't you I'm going to have to go teeth me I'm cleaning my arse I suppose because bad breath isn't as bad as stinking thinking about when your teeth are all i know exactly what you're saying i know but just thinking like especially like your airy ass imagine like all the the clog have you ever seen it you've seen you've seen wasp nests yeah yeah full of clinkers like just keep it you can keep it vated couldn't you that's not cleaning there's still a lot of debris around and about isn't there beautiful question though John thank you I think with the bottom you can get away with it like self-cleaning because you've got to have a shower haven't you so even though you're not going for the scrub you can let it rinse you can do that it really is it really is splitting hairs with that because in the shower you can get water in your mouth yeah clean your teeth but just keep the cessation imagine when they get all rotten and yellow and black and start falling out I know, I should have made a different decision.
1:01:03Seven fillings Monday? No, I had three Monday. Oh, three. I'll be honest with you, I'm scared of the dentists. And I don't really think I should be now because it's not like it used to be. But I went to the dentist the other week for the first time in, I want to say, 15 years. Needs seven fillings. That's a long time, you know, John, without going to the dentist. I know. Not because of any other reason apart from I'm scared of them. I don't want them to tell me that I need something to do. So, you know, it's that... It goes through me ever since I was a young one. Did you get a sticker? No sticker.
1:01:46Sweet, what do you mean? But to be fair, when I went last time for the check-up, I said, I'll be honest with you, I've not been at the dentist for years, I'm a bit scared of them. You know, the hygienist this time. A little bit patronising at the end. She went, well done. You know, one of them. I'm like, oh, thanks, but fuck off, love. You know, I'm like, I'm 43. Well done. Like, pat her arm. Cheers. See you next time. Fucking not as dear and all, by the way. Oh, yeah. Is there any other housekeeping that we need to bring in order? Doncaster live tickets are on sale. So we talk about this year.
1:02:18Go on. Calendar year. Calendar year. Doncaster live tickets on sale. Yes. What date's that, Chris? You're good with dates? 21st of November Sunderland sold out Barnsley getting tickets from the garrison Robbie at the garrison for the Barnsley show and then Blackburn are now on sale we've got four live shows this calendar year yep plenty booked in for next year plenty booked in for next year they're going to be going on sale November yeah a full calendar so perfect perfect Christmas presents aren't they Friday 21st of November Dongraster Sunday the 30th November Barnsley I don't know if you've just said that.
1:02:56Nope. That's it. Can you let us know if anybody else is into sniffing knickers? I bet there's a lot of people out there that'll be like, why? Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what you can do. You don't need to email anything apart from yes in the Patreon group. Yes.
1:03:18All good? Yeah. Thanks for the memories. Up the cosh. Hey, hey, it's the Friday Club. The weekend's here, get in that pub. It's Friday Club. Bing, bang, bosh. With all of your favorites from under the cuss. So if you want to share a story or relive a form of glory, butter the wheat or clapping them cheeks, maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.
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