Friday Club | Toupee Or Not Toupee?

28:35She yanked it that hard it peeled up. He reckons it was flipping. I like him. I like him just like that. I've changed my mind on him. He reckons it was flapping like a little carrier black in the wind. Somehow she was still asleep when he clocked it, so he legged it before she could notice he was half bald. But the story doesn't end there. Two days later at the airport, we catch him sending her love hearts on WhatsApp. proper schoolboy stuff fast forward again and he drops this in the group chat just had phone sex with the lads I said I don't think there's any need to sort of like relay all the all the details and that's yeah that's the thing he's a bit what's his name from in between isn't he yeah still a bit all right and I thought about this when you said it but how many times have you put a number on how many times you've had sex that night.

29:32When he's come down, I went, shagged her six times. That is bullshit, mate. Let us tell you that. Do you know when you say you've shagged her six times, does that mean you've allegedly blown six times? It must be. Or you've had 20 minutes, half an hour, and then gone again. Is that like twice? I went, I mean, I come nine times. Of course you did, son. I can honestly tell you, I've never done that. I swear Gab is the horniest man in Britain right now. So here's the question for you boys. Should he have told her about the rug already? Or does he come clean? And how the fuck does he do it without her running a mile?

30:11Keep up the graph, lads. Gab says he'll come on the pod, but only if he can wear a hat. Cheers. Any chance of a Newcastle show? What's the question on him here? Should he have told her about the rug already? Is he still with her? Sorry. He's not really. She lives across fucking Whatten, doesn't she? on WhatsApp, he's sending her love hearts, etc. They're not in a relationship, are they? But, put it this way, if you did have the stick on, how long in a relationship would you have to reveal the truth? And then it'd get to, like, what's the sweet spot? Exactly, because we can't have it both ways.

30:45If we're saying, if a girl's got a dick, she needs to tell us, is it the same? I think on a lesser scale, obviously a much lesser scale. I think you don't have to tell that night. First date. No, not that first night you don't tell her. Do you not think? No. Oh, just sign a bag. You want a drink, love? Oh, by the way, I've got a set-up on. But then, would you not feel like you're misleading her when you're organising a second date? You think, oh, she doesn't even know I'm bald. No, I'm just saying. It's dishonest, I think, lads. Not the first night. But what about when she... So you look up to me and say, look, I know I'm big and tall, but I've got a small dick.

31:22Yeah. Well, no. you can't relate them to why they're both quite important what about just so you know you're talking shit John don't start getting chill because you've been a mugging last week read you're relating a small dick to being bold and covering it up it's the same what about just so you know I've got a Wonderbrower and a couple of chicken fillets yeah should they be saying that no hair's a big thing right so do you think you should tell her that night I think I think if things are going well I think you've got to put your cards on the I think you've got to on the night I don't think first night what about if you've got false teeth just so you know I don't think I think hair is important to a woman well I think fucking gashes are imagine like you'd be like a tortoise if you've got like teeth you're already taking them out aren't you turkey teeth turkey teeth no you've got you've got false teeth in so you take them all out and you go yeah I'd have to tell her yeah just so you know you're on a good moment put him in her hand so what about she's she's saying to her mate oh really nice I'm starting to get right but that night that night that's not going to happen is it I don't think they're both they're both I don't know you know do you think yeah ladies when do you need to know that your man's wearing a syrup that night they're both just in it fuck walloping aren't they right we'll put it to the lady listeners would you want to know on a first date yeah on a first date would you want to know whether they've got a wig on it's not a first date is it it's just a first meeting first date like I'm on about first date oh not that night no in that situation no no but if I'm on a first date first date yeah you think you should be right well I'm on about not if I've just met somebody on a night out no no that's what he's done isn't it first date we've moved on we've developed on from there so at what point do you say I've got a stick on wig after you've had sex with her on the first date.

33:24Get that out of the way. Yeah. Get what you want. Get the business done and then you'll say, oh, by the way, this comes off. Yeah. And this is a rubber extender and all. But it is one of them. The longer you leave it, the more... I mean, do they come off like midway through the three months so you have to re-stick them and stuff or are they on? No, I think they're on and then you've got to go back to the establishment that puts them on. And there will be a time pretty quickly where it's gone past telling them. The comfortable... The time you should have told. Do you reckon there's... I mean, I imagine there is.

34:06People in like two, maybe three-year relationships and the woman's got no idea. That it's a wig. Yeah, and he just keeps... Well, you must be able to tell when you wash it. You keep going back having a top up. You must be able to tell when you wash it. He has a glue gun in, you know, mandrel, just in case. You know, when it starts peeling a bit, gets it out. So what do you do? What do you think your options are then when it's gone too far? Do you think next time you go for your three-monthly wig, just take a bit off it next time? And like bald slowly, gradually over like a year, a couple of years?

34:39Or could you make it into a joke? I think just... Party trick. Flippantly, like, say it and then go, what, you didn't even realise this was a wig? You fucking idiot. You idiot. what do you do for the big reveal do an headstand with no glue on and she goes what you never do you never do just like I'll do a card trick and put it under your wig yeah that could be it you could perfect the perfect reveal just having a go to a pub say have a drink say I'm going to toilet and then just come out with no wig on that fucking hair dryer strong in there yeah or you order a pizza knock on the door run out put your wig in a pizza box so just get that will you and then just walk in and she's there with a wig in the pizza box don't want to spoil you don't want to spoil you ta-da ta-da ta-da you don't want to spoil your pizza weed I do it for Blackpool Seafront or something like that Seaburn gone just bear in mind the chances are that you're going to be in the bit in the you're going to be fucked off you need to you need to go in have you you could be sat sat in her living room Netflix and chill all coated up bottle of red wine stroking a cat she nips the toilet she comes back you have no worry you're stroking your wig yes bring a bit of comedy into it yeah perfect I think that works I don't think it's your mind one bit imagine though if it's just a bald man sat next to him seriously though right Imagine being in that situation.

36:19It must be really hard. If you've been... For the woman or for the man? For the man. Oh, aye. You're coercing in a way. You're not being truthful. But then when do you reveal? How do you reveal? Yeah, that's what we're trying to work out. So say if you met a girl, had the conversation, organise a first date. Do you tell her the first date? you're out you have a few drinks and how do you how do you after sex so roll over take it off put it inside a bed and say I'll make you a pussy in the morning put it on her put it on her phone so when her alarm goes off in the morning she's like what the fuck no I think you need one of them heads you know just inside of bed like a foam head you can just take it off and put it on it's a massive thing isn't it chances are that's going to be it so do you wait until you think it's gone past the point of her caring.

37:18She likes us. I know she likes us. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Do you feel like you need to, even though you're being dishonest, do you want her to like you for you and then reveal the truth? It's not you, is it? You're a bolder. It's you. It's you that she's fallen or fell in love with. That's a long time though, love, isn't it? Mm-hmm. Well, it's bold. I mean, you do look different bold, don't you? It's a tough one, isn't it? It is. I'm not even lying. It's a tough one. This is a wood you're having. What if she's got a syrup? What if she's got right thin air or something? When do you want to know?

37:55And she wears wigs? When do you want to know? They all do, don't they? They all wear flipping extensions. I want to buy full fucking Tina Turner on.

38:06She's got right thin air. Well, is she bald or is she not bald? Alopecia. No. No. She's got really thin, wiry air. No, I'm going alopecia. Oh, so she's got patches? No, nothing. I think I could say past that. Just put your wig on before I have sex with you, and then I'm just going to block and delete. That's what you would do. Don't. To be fair, like, if you can do it all the time, it might not ever change, mightn't it? I know. If you keep going every three months for the rest of your life, would you feel like you're living a lie, though, if you didn't tell her? Surely she's going to find out somehow.

38:39You know, when she goes in the bathroom or something, and you've just got it hung up. Oh, you're like, where's that 300? It gets to the point where you've got a joint account and you're like, where's that 300? There's not just going every month, every three months or ever. Oh, well, we're done. You know, like Doubtfire. Yeah. That is a tough one. I don't even know what the right answer is. Well, just leave it for now. We'll come back to you on that one. Yeah. I don't think we've ever been stumped before. Got a stat for you, gents. Are you ready? Did you know that one in five men in the UK experience changes in sexual performance as they get older?

39:17I didn't. I think it's just a, is it an health thing like or a psychological thing? Bit of both. Well, you've been quite open about your struggles, John, haven't you, on this particular podcast? Yeah, yeah. And I'm all for help. Well, MedExpress can provide support in minutes through their free online consultation. all you've got to do is complete a short online consultation and they'll suggest the right treatment for your concerns whether that's erectile dysfunction maybe premature ejaculation it is a tough one that when I went to the chemist thinking do you want some lockets, do you want some paracetamol maybe I didn't mean to but I could tell she was a bit judgy you're like oh does it not work I think what you're trying to say is the fact that it's confidential You can do it at home on the computer.

40:09All from the comfort of your own. Yeah. I think that's important. It might stop you going, that, of getting... Oh, 100%. It would stop me going. But MedExpress is there to offer you discreet and convenient professional guidance. All you've got to do is visit medexpress.co.uk to check your eligibility and get 30 % off with the code COSH. That's medexpress.co.uk, M-E-D-E-X-P-R-E-S-S.co.uk and get that 30 % off using the code COSH. Good investment. But don't feel as though you're less of a man if you need to get in contact with him. Happens to us all. But invest in yourself and your partner, the big man.

40:49Yeah, by investing in yourself, you're investing in others as well. You're spreading joy. And semen. I'll go in. Topic, Kim Marsh, Jimmy Savile and Elton John. All names, the changed-ish. but please keep anonymous blah blah blah so we're going on a stag do to new key 25 ish of us flying down from manchester 28 pound flight more attractive than a six hour in a buzz yeah i'd agree with that good call we meet in the local have a good few beers and then get a mini buzz to the airport with tactical piss stops along the way we get checked in and settle in for the obligatory airport beers. And who do we spot?

41:35Only the fantastic Kim Marsh. I've met Kim Marsh. She wanted to buy my house once. Yeah, I showed her around your house before you bought it. The fit one from ESA is put in brackets and the barmaid from Corrie. Anyway, she goes to the ladies and none of the stag party have the bottle to approach her. I do. As she exits the bogs, after shaking her lettuce, I ask her for a photo as we're on a stag do and my mate, who's five foot four inches tall, has never met a bird the same height as him and is starstruck by her beauty. She agrees. As she begins to pause, I hand her my phone and pause with my mate so that she can take a picture of us.

42:21She pisses herself laughing and takes the photo. I bet this is my mate again. Yeah. She walks off and we think that's the end of it. but she comes back with 50 shots and a great big smile, sitting and chatting with us for a good hour. Fair play, Kimberly. She's fucking up. She's picking a target, Kim, or what? I'm pretty sure if any of us had the bottle, we could have bagged a celebrity, but no one did. She was fantastic and stormed into our top five there and then proper wank bank tackle. She is pretty, I think. I've seen her in a shop in Manchester once and I'd let a lady take me out for a drink.

43:00Fast forward to New Key and we are ready to hit the town. The hotel is an old Victorian grand hotel. Think staterooms and spiral staircases. I'm rooming with a lad who looks like a catalogue model. I don't. If he's a nine out of ten, I'm scraping five at best. If it's who I think it is, I think he's a three. Anyway, we're in the honeymoon suite. private corridor, massive double bed. This will be important later. We dressed the stag in full Jimmy Savile tracksuit, complete with cigar, rose-tinted specks and a Jim Fixed It For Me badges doctored to say Jim fingered me. This was 2015, just after the full Jimmy Savile saga had unfolded and did not go down well.

43:49See, I'm of the same opinion. Katie wants to go dress as Jimmy Savile on one of her end days. Yeah. Why? I have no idea. But she does. I tell you, can't. There's a lot of victims out there as well. She's been Rose West instead. We hit the town, but the stag had quickly got rid of the tracksuit and passed the wig and specs on to one of the lads. Let's call him Doornut. Doornut spent the whole night with the Jimmy Savile wig on, spec, cigar and Jim Fing and me badge. The catalogue model, who was rooming with me, is a professional singer and actor. At the time, he was in a group who entertained the stars.

44:31He had performed for Shez Beckham. A cruise. Well, he put Shez Beckham anyway, and had been a performer at David Furnish's birthday at the request of Elton John. So he's mixing with the stars. He thinks of himself as a cut above, and to be perfectly honest, he probably is. He's mates with Elton John, for Christ's sake. We will call this ridiculously good-looking lad Elton. Now, Elton was finding pulling birds no problem at all, chatting them up, etc, etc. In a karaoke bar, the DJ wanted someone to sing. This twat grabbed the microphone and blasted out Uptown Funk, Dirty Diana and Piano Man without looking at the screens at all, pitch perfect.

45:14Prick. He was dripping in gash. I like that. So we left him to it. As the night drew to a close, A few of us were in a kebab shop, the Istanbul Grill. Kebab, meat, chips and chilli sauce in case JP was wondering. Good order. Whilst munching at 2am-ish, we see Donut, dressed in Jimmy Savile wig, being chased down the road by four lads shouting, nonce, nonce, nonce. And Donut shouting back, it's fancy dress, I'm Robbie Savage. At this point, I decided to retire to the honeymoon suite and get in bed and leave in Elton the chaise longue in the bare window. However, after about half an hour, Elton returns with one of his victims.

46:03He's single. I'm married with two kids. So here's the question. What would you have done? Number one, leave the room and kip on the settee in the corridor whilst Elton entertained. Number two, move to the chaise longue in the bare window and watch the inevitable unfold. Or three, tell him to bugger off. Which one are you going for? Two. Two, move to the chaise longue, watch it unfold. Isn't that option four, chance your arm? There isn't, no. You just give the three options. Yeah, I'd probably go for number one, mate. Yeah, go on, Setty. Option five is tell him to fucking get another room. Well, he says, you're all wrong.

46:46The correct answer was stay in bed and pretend to be asleep and see what happens. What happened was, after about 10 minutes of slurping, Elton was balls deep. The bed was big. Neither had noticed me pretending to be asleep. My one word, brackets pitch wedge, was twitching, but I couldn't say anything now. I decided to stay still as possible and pretend to be asleep. The walloping Elton was giving her would have woken the residence of a pyramid. After the second change of position, Elton's victim is face to face with me. Ah! Massive scream, capital letters, loads of exclamations. Elton jumps up, victim jumps up, grabs her dress and legs it.

47:35I say, who was that? I was asleep. for fuck's sake says elton as he follows his victim out the door i'm expecting him to return quickly as he's starkers but no i walk over to the peephole in the door and elton has his victim on the settee in the corridor legs in the air going like a texas oil drill he returned from the corridor settee and got in bed with a simple smell these oh no great work from the entertainer He had clearly lived up to the hype. And that was only the first night. Keep up the good work, up the cosh. He's played a blinder, hasn't he? Let's be honest. Are all batteries the same?

48:19That's like asking if all soccer players are the same. Take Messi, the most decorated player ever. Is there any other player who has achieved that? No, just him. Now take Duracell. Is there any other battery with power boost ingredients inside? No, just Duracell. Remember, goats only trust goats because they're built different. And Messi only trusts Duracell.

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49:22Critics are calling it Pixar's funniest movie ever and a wildly entertaining ride. Blizzard Potato. It's certified fresh and verified hot. Now we party. This is incredible! Wow, I am clearing the rest of the day. Disney and Pixar's hoppers, now available on Disney+. Rated PG. Well, I'd like people's thoughts on this. So do you know if you're in that situation, right, and you're just lying there asleep, and one of the lads fetches a bird back and does what it is while you're in the room, do you think your missus will be raging? Or would you be raging? What, if it woke you up? No, no. So you slept through?

50:03No, no. so Louise has gone to Benidorm with your pal right Louise goes home goes to bed her pal fetches her fella back gets wallet while she's in the room are you raging? no you? I don't know it depends on the scenario depends how well she tells the story I think you'll never believe it so for instance they were just shagging it aside so for instance me and you went away I'm single I fetch a bird back and you go home and say you never guess what happened last night I lied in bed and John went up bed next to me walloping a 11 out of 10 well if you remember would you say that he's saying would he say that would you tell her that's a different no that's a different thing here is that you're raging I don't think I'd like do you know what I'm thinking about I think I think I do now

51:04yeah i think oh we might have been in this situation before thinking about it yeah back back in the day yeah because it nearly did happen now i remember when i heard the crunch of the the stones on the driveway i was ready to stand my ground because there was nowhere else to slip and there was a chaise long in the big window as well because that's the question i'm asking do you think it's like would you be raging if rose were lying in bed to sleep or listening to a pal getting... Who would you be raging with? Who would you be raging with Rose? She can't do anything about that. She's asking to leave.

51:42She's asking to leave. You see, I don't think I'd mention it to Rose because even though it's completely out of my control, I would like to plant the seed that I'm in that situation anyway. And even... I've no involvement in it. I can't control it to an extent. Let it lie. With that, would you be fuming if she kept that from you? That's a... What if Katie's away and I'm here, brings a fella back? I think I'm raging. With Katie. Yeah. Like, leave the room. Yeah. Or ask them to leave the room. Or get involved. As long as she only went... Were you lying? As long as she only wanked him off, I'm sound like.

52:23But that is the danger of not mentioning it. If it does come out... Exactly. Then why have you not mentioned it? even though it's... It'd be interesting to see people's opinions on that. Especially the women's. So your fella goes away with his pals, one of his mates fetches a burr back and rifles her while he's in the room. What's your thoughts? Yeah. What if he has, what if he's saying, you need to leave, what if they don't? What if they just... Well, you spoil it. You stop it happening. You get in between them. See, I wouldn't mention it for the greater good, you know, because there's nothing good come out of saying it even though I'd make light of it and Rose would probably see the funny side I'd just think in the long run and then if you're going away with said person again you're sharing you're sharing a room with John again yeah exactly I've had a spoiler when you're saying spoiler I was on a stag do in my single days and I think that might have happened I think he might have been asleep when I've come back with her and he's just decided to fart as loud as he can for as long as he can to the point where she was like, I can't.

53:33Me? No, it's not you, John. I'm just trying to figure out whether it was me or not. I would never be a spoiler, but I just say, look, I don't feel comfortable with this. I don't think he was purposely trying to spoil it. I think he thought that was funny. He was spoiled though. If you're going to do it, do it with a fart. He got in between the two single beds. so he was lying on the floor. So the fart was coming from... He was definitely having a Tommy as well, but I can't prove that. Skybet are celebrating real football fans, you know, the proper fans. Them over there, through thick and thin, rain and shine.

54:08The Dinehards. Yes. They actually become club legends, these people. The fans themselves? Yeah. Well, they've been after stories from proper football fans and we had... Did you read it from John? The Rotherham fan. About the 2018 playoff final. driving down to Wembley didn't even have a ticket just wanted to go sort the atmosphere in I didn't realise he didn't have a ticket yeah brought down on the way another couple of Rotherham fans seen him at the services in his shirt don't worry son jumping and had a spare ticket ended up going game anyway shut up shut up I'm not making it up so they just happened to have a spare ticket as well he was going to sell it down at ground one of the lads couldn't make it and picked him up ended up buying the ticket ticket off them going to match.

54:54If I remember right, they won the game as well, didn't they? Yeah. I think they did, yeah. They did. Dying Embers? I think he scored, yeah. Good player, him actually. Should have done better now, dying Embers. So that is really what it's all about, isn't it? Being an away travelling fan. Proper fans looking after each other. Yeah, 100%. And the fact that he's got a ticket as well, that's incredible. Sky bet. For the fans, bgamblerware.org, 18+. But me and Rose are the opposite. Nobody can make a decision. I bet you 95 % of any arguments that we have are around food. What we're having. She takes charge with that, which is good.

55:33Yeah, she takes charge with it's not. 95 % of the time, it's all right. And there were ones, and I felt fucking so sorry for her. She did this spicy pasta dish. It was fucking filth. And when I said filth, it was fucking inedible. Inedible. Inedible. Bear in mind, you don't like spice. So was it a lot of it due to the fact that it was hot? It was just horrendous. Horrendous. But Violet Youngest had got one of her pals round for tea. And instead of thinking... Have you made a scene? Instead of our last thinking, oh, I'll tell you what, I'll do something simple. You know what kids are like and that.

56:13She chose this day to do this pasta. Honestly, when I said filth, inedible. And this poor lass, obviously, so she's round at our house, not wanting to leave a snap that we'd get her. Well, she'd get her. Fucking hell, I bet she had three mouthfuls. A lot went in, Ben. Did Katie think it was shite as well? Did she know? No, no, no, no. She thought it was fucking sensational, but she knew it was shite. She knew it was shite, but she... She's keeping face. She knew it was shite, but she made out it were nice. Anyway, I had three mouthfuls. Violet had three. This poor lass maybe had two. Rest went in.

56:53But she had them and, oh, it was lovely that, weren't it? Night or fucking crap. I remember being in the same position as the friend when I was younger at a mate's mum's house and she'd done like Weight Watchers tomato soup for lunch. It was like, you know, no flavour. He's complaining, mum, it's rubbish this, it's rubbish this. No, it's not, it's not. Chris is eating it. Chris is eating it. And she's going, it's all right, isn't it? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's lovely. It was awful. Because you don't want to upset a mate's mum, do you? No, it's a bad situation. On the flip side, though, there was a lad that I went to school with, Hiroyuki, Japanese lad.

57:31What were you called? Hiroyuki. Hiroyuki Sekki, he was called. Hiroyuki Sekki? Hiroyuki. Have you never heard of Hiroyuki before? His mum was an unbelievable cook, so all the lads used to try and befriend Hiroyuki just to go around for tea. We had that many noodles and that. What were you called? He was your best mate. he was your best mate hiroyuki we're yuki here here you here yeah yeah just watching up about k-pop bands just so you can start a conversation you know and the ramen i don't know if it's that what they call them japanese noodles but the smell of it walking down the street oh she's got them on i love what did you call him what did you call him at school like just hit his name everybody has a nickname he was held in that such high regard he just it was just Hiroyuki he was legendary the food me and James Plant in my year used to go around twice a week Planty was she worth one?

58:33nah I don't know I can't remember I just had my eyes on the noodles I once went to Jonathan Dunning's my granddad's for Sunday dinner and I thought, I need a piss here. I was just about to get up for a piss and Jonathan Dunning did. So he got up, Grandad went, Jonathan, what do you think you're doing? Oh, I'm really sorry, Grandad. Is it okay if I'm excused from the table? And I'm like, I'm glad that didn't happen. I'm glad he didn't get up. Yeah, you just got up. A minute later, I'm getting up and going and having a piss. We were a dentist. Dentist, like posh old guy. I remember another lad, Green Pate.

59:12It's the same lad that I got caught milking with. He chucked the towel in, but his dad used to work nine to five, but he had a garage full of ale, and he made the mistake of telling everybody, and how were you? And everyone used to go to his house at dinner time and get mortal drunk on the lunch hour. Dinner? Dinner time. You were involved in that? No. I think I just used to go once or twice, never had a drink, but they used to come back steaming. What are you thinking? They'd feel pissed up lasses? Maybe, but they used to come out of school pissed. But you never went? I never went, no. But he made, honestly, it got out of hand to the point where his dad came into school.

59:52Was it home bro that he'd made his centre? I think there was a bit of everything. I think it was just catered for everybody. There was the spirits, there was the lagers, there was the wines. Ouch!

1:00:04Catered for year sevens, year eights, year nine. And year 11s are home, bro, aren't they? You know what I mean? They're fucking experience booze. Yeah, but at that age, just drink out. I remember having a can of castrel super. Just because it was... Somebody got out of their dad's cupboard. Just because it was booze. Yeah. Like drinking tar. So if you listen, Hiroyuki, get in touch. Honestly, he just disappeared. Went back home. Puff. Home, home. Yeah, back to Japan. His dad worked at NS Care. Car thingy. Car factory. I doubt we're going to get an email from whatever he's called. Hirishuki. Hirayuki.

1:00:44Hirayuki. I've got one. Titled Golf. Hey up, gents. Fresh to Friday Club and feel like I haven't heard a single golf story yet. So let me know what you think of this. About eight of us, 26 to 29 years old in range, play every Sunday morning, mingling with the other miserable old cunts playing on a Saturday morning. For the purpose of this story, though, I'll call my mate Marshy, because that's his name. He's fitted between days of the weekend there, by the way. I know. We're just about to walk on the course one day when an old woman hits her ball into us and gives my friend Marshy the eye. Marshy has been bone dry in the bedroom for a solid nine months.

1:01:34This is a crucial part of the story. So I imagine he's chomping at the bit to get any punani. Marsh is as quiet as you can get. A solid four out of ten and bald at 29. So things aren't great. You can totally get where he's on back, aren't you? So, one of the lads says he might have a chance with the 65 plus year old saggy-titted gilf. that's a bit harsh isn't it and he should book on with her next time on the tea time what does that mean book on do they mix yeah they can join their group to play yeah they'll put their name down and hopefully get a full ball so one Wednesday afternoon he does so and reports back to the chat on hole 10 lads I've just had a hand job and her hands were silky smooth he comes the following saturday when we get the full report of boys she's finishing the hall on the ninth green and turns to me and said we both know why you're here so let's just get it done so she's pulled me into the bushes behind the 10th tea box unbuttoned her top and started undoing my shorts and i was finished in 43 seconds fucking great work 43 seconds do you Do you think she's disappointed though?

1:02:59Do you think that she was... She's giving her wank. I mean, she might have an arthritic wrist or something. But she's undone the top, gone with the Amshandi, but is she then expecting... Nah, they're in between holes, aren't they? People... Straight in the gooch. You don't want to be letting people play through and that, do you? Yeah, true. But no, I think she's undone the top and got the cans out just for him to look at. Like, you know, to help him... 65 plus. at all too old for you that yeah I'll be on to the next tee box words got around the club now and some other friends have booked on with the old sport so Parky if you're around Rotherham and fancy a round of golf and a handy in one give us a shout and we'll book you on cheers gents podcast as good as always a handy in one see I'd love to I'd love to I'd love to play in the four ball with her you know just knowing what she was like and just like Outside looking in.

1:03:57Dropping little in-endos in. But this one here is from a Sparky who, all right, lads, he was checking out some spotlights for a job and he found these. I figured the reviews might be worth a look. We do like a review, don't we? And he's got a go at us, are you saying, get some gigs down south. And it's for an integral LED eco-guard fire rated, dimmable light basically. Did we need the first seven words? Definitely not. It's for a dimmable light. And one of the reviews following a freak accident where a cucumber went in the wrong hole due to insufficient lighting we decided to improve the levels of lighting in our dungeon.

1:04:46I went on the website and found these downloaded the app and they even flash pretty colours along with my balls. with the disco function. Winner, winner. And there's actually a picture of his dungeon. This is on a flippin' tool station website, by the way. Like a legitimate thing. But I think they've even replied to him. What, he's posted a picture of his... Like, is it a genuine... Yeah, it's a proper website. That's his dungeon there. So it looks light and airy there. Yeah, but I've never looked into converting enemy rooms to a dungeon. But I wouldn't imagine you want... Loads of light. Loads of lighting.

1:05:26Not a bit like dingy, don't you? Yeah, it takes away from the ambiance. But the thing is, them cucumbers, they can slip anywhere, can't they? Yeah, they can. When you can't see where you're pouring them and stuff. They can, yeah. And somebody's left another review, but... We've all been there, haven't we? Have we? But replied to his thingy saying, Sorry to hear about the accident. Studley. That must be his name, is it? Studley's accident, yeah. I hope the orifice in question recovered. As for the lights, they were easy to install and set up, both on the app and with Alexa. The only issue, sorry Studley, is they lose the internet connection now and again and need to be reset.

1:06:05Well, basement, aren't you, with a dungeon? You know, he needs to get a booster for his router. What do you need internet for, for lights? Because you're working them off your phone. Oh, right. Well. But informative as well. Give it a five-star review. Yeah. so if you're looking for dimmables and for you know he's had misfortune with a cucumber but he's provided there's no need for that much information is there like the cucumber slipped up my arse because it was dark like no I just want a bit of lighting in my room downstairs right then gents is it do we need an apology for last week's did something happen at the end of it oh we fixed it oh did we yeah So if you listen to it when it were fucked, sorry.

1:06:54And if you listen to it after, don't worry about it. Yeah. You had a little bit of moving pieces, didn't you? A few moving pieces. Pieces of movement. You can't be incredible all the time, can you, Chris? No, that's it. High standards. So sometimes you have a bad day, and it would seem that last editing day were a bad day. Any more additions to your Christmas wish list? Two pair. Yes. The more control vibrator. Yeah. Two pair. Just a Terry's chocolate orange for me. right in a new shirt corduroy nothing wrong with this shirt right gents up the cosh yes come on Barnsley you reds adios

1:07:51Futter the wheat or clapping them cheeks Baby, you got caught by the mother-in-law Having a wank It's all here on the Friday Club

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