How to Speak Bougie: Understatement, Code-Switching, and Elegant Evasions

0:00Hello, this is Mark Satterfield and welcome to another chapter in my periodic one-off series within the Velvet Rope playbook that I'm calling the Bougie Handbook, your definitive guide to crossing the velvet rope. Tonight's chapter, How to Speak Bougie, Understatement, Code Switching, and Elegant Evasions. If you're trying too hard, you're already out of the conversation. Bougie dialect isn't about what you say. It's about what you don't say, or better yet, what you say just ambiguously enough that only those in the know will catch it, like a secret handshake made in syllables. This is the language of people who call their second home the house upstate, even if it's a compound in Jackson Hole, who refer to their friend with a private plane as someone I used to work with, and who no matter the occasion always seem to have a thing in the city the next day.

0:52Welcome to bougie ease. Now, let's talk about name dropping without actually dropping names. Look, you don't say I had dinner with Bill Gates. You say I was at this thing with a few folks in philanthropy. If pressed, you clarified just enough to seem humble. Oh, it was a small gathering. Bill was there, but we didn't talk much. See what you did? You mentioned Gates without sounding like you care. You're not bragging. You're burdened about how casual your elite access has become. This tactic also works geographically. We usually do summer in the main. Translation, coastal Kennebunkport estate. We were skiing in France.

1:31Translation, maybe Verbiere. Never Aspen. We're doing a bit of Europe. Translation, you'll be tagging Lake Como, but only on stories. Rule number two, always be understated. The bougie never say they're excited or thrilled. That would be gauche. Instead, everything is lovely, interesting, or refreshing. You didn't love the wine. You found it very drinkable. You weren't blown away by the beach house. You said it had a nice sense of place. Your three-week Mediterranean yacht charter? Relaxing. Too much sun, really. It's not about hiding enthusiasm. It's about disguising it as a practice indifference.

2:09A calm where spending time in Portugal will always beat, oh my God, guys, I'm going to Portugal. Rule number three. Euphemism is everything. Bougie types never say someone's rich. They're comfortable. They don't say someone's broke. They're figuring it out. People aren't annoying. They're a lot. A party isn't boring. It's intimate. The chef's new menu isn't bad. It's a departure. If you say what you mean directly, you risk being labeled crass. The art is in the artifice. And if all else fails, just sigh and say it was something. Rule number four, learn the bougie conversation topics and what to avoid.

2:53What's safe? Well, travel, past or upcoming, ideally to places with cobblestones and questionable Wi-Fi. Books, but only if they have decked edges or recommended in the New Yorker. Food, local sourcing, obscure restaurants, vintage olive oils. Real estate, passive references to the renovation, never Zillow listings. Education. Private school application trauma is a love language. Risky? Money. You can own wealth, but you never talk about it. Work? Unless it's advisory, consulting, or something you do on boards. Politics? Unless it's a shared liberal despair over the state of everything. Never.

3:33How much you pay for something? Cryptocurrency. The words influencer or side hustle? Unless it's deeply ironic. Rule five, the signature phrases. There are actually phrases that signal you are either bougie or want to be. We like to keep things low-key, usually said just before arriving in head-to-toe totem. We're big fans of the off-season travel. You flew private to St. Bart's in July. I just want things to feel intentional. You're agonizing over which plaster finish to use in your powder room. We're taking a pause between houses. You sold for$7.8 million and are casually renting a designer's guest house.

4:13She's with Dalton now. No explanation needed if you know. If you don't, don't ask. Rule number six, vagueness equals power. Bougie people do not over-explain. If you're asked what you do, you say, I work in culture. It's a bit of an advisory, a bit of real estate. We're in the family office space. I help with brand alignment mostly. The goals sound important and unplaceable. Clarity is for consultants. Ambiguity is for the blessed. Rule number seven, never correct. Always improvise. If someone pronounces gestalt wrong or doesn't know where Aesop is, you don't correct them. You smile. You change the subject.

4:53You let them learn, ideally from someone else. Bougie culture prizes elegance over accuracy. It's not about being right. It's about being right quietly. Final test. Could you hold a bougie conversation? You're seated next to someone at a fundraising dinner. You mentioned their recent trip to the coast. Do you A. Ask which coast they mean. B. Not knowingly and say we haven't made it out there this season. C. Reply. It's lovely this time of year. Did you get to stay at the farmhouse? If you choose B or C, congratulations. You may proceed to the next chapter, which, by the way, is a wild cart something over lentils that were foraged, not purchased.

5:34Now you're fluent, or at least fluent enough to get invited back. This is Mark Satterfield. Thanks for listening to this chapter of the Bougie Handbook, your definitive guide to crossing the velvet rope. If you're enjoying this, send me an email to mark at getwealthyclients.com with your questions about navigating the bougie lifestyle. You can also find out more about all my books and programs that will help you get more actual affluent clients at getwealthyclients.com. I'll be back at you soon, but until then, bye for now.