Why People Think You Don't Care (When You Actually Do)

0:00Hello, this is Mark Satterfield and welcome to the Velvet Rope Playbook. Tonight's episode, Why People Think You Don't Care When You Actually Do. Have you ever met someone who wasn't exactly rude or overtly unfriendly, but somehow left you thinking, I don't think this person is going to be much help? That happened to me recently. My wife and I work with a travel advisor we've used for years. She's exceptional. The kind of person who anticipates questions before you ask them. If there's a better cabin, she'll tell you. If there's a better itinerary, she'll mention it. If something opens up, she's already watching out for it.

0:46You never feel like you're just another reservation. You feel like someone is looking out for you. Now, she happened to be traveling in Alaska, so another advisor in the office took our call. We wanted to ask about upgrading our cabin on an upcoming cruise. Now, to be fair, he may have been every bit as knowledgeable as she is. He may have booked hundreds of cruises, but after less than a minute, I found myself thinking, I'm not sure this person really knows what he's doing. Nothing he actually said created that impression. His delivery did. His voice lacked energy. He didn't sound particularly curious.

1:27There wasn't any feeling that helping us was something he really would enjoy. And something interesting happened in my own mind. I started making assumptions about his competence, with absolutely no evidence. Then I realized I've done this before. A few months ago, I walked into a high-end jewelry store to look at watches. The salesperson wasn't rude. He answered every question. But every answer felt like he was reading from an instruction manual. No enthusiasm, no curiosity about why I was looking, no excitement about the craftsmanship or the history behind the pieces. I thanked him, walked out, and bought nothing.

2:10Later that week, I visited another store. Before we even talked about watches, the salesperson asked, what drew you to this particular brand? For the next 20 minutes, he wasn't trying to sell me. He was sharing stories, pointing out details I'd never noticed. His enthusiasm was contagious. Suddenly, I wanted to keep talking. The watches hadn't changed. The experience had. Now, here's another example. Think about the last time you called customer service. Sometimes the representative says, let me see what I can do. Other times they say, I'll take care of that for you. Almost identical words, completely different emotional impact.

2:53One sounds uncertain. The other sounds like someone has accepted responsibility. That's what confidence does or doesn't do. People rarely separate confidence from communication. If you sound uncertain, people assume you are uncertain. If you sound hesitant, they assume you lack experience. If you sound disengaged, they assume they aren't important. None of these conclusions may be true, but they're incredibly common. One of the biggest mistakes professionals make is believing confidence comes from having all the answers. It really doesn't. Confidence is communicating that you're comfortable helping someone figure things out.

3:37So think about the professionals that you love doing business with. Your physician, your financial advisor, your attorney, perhaps the concierge at your favorite hotel. They make you feel like you're in capable hands. Sometimes they don't know the answer immediately, but they sound completely confident they'll find it. More importantly, they communicate something that often goes unsaid. I am on your side. And that feeling changes everything. So, how do you communicate it? Here are four practical ideas. First, slow down. Nervous people speed up. Confident people don't rush. Even a two-second pause before answering makes you sound more thoughtful.

4:22Second, sound interested. Enthusiasm isn't volume. It's curiosity. Ask another question. Show that solving the person's problem genuinely matters to you. People remember how interested you seemed. Third, eliminate unnecessary uncertainty. Listen for phrases like, I guess, I think, maybe, I'm not really sure. Use them only when they're actually true. Otherwise, they weaken perfectly good advice. Fourth, finish with ownership. Instead of, I'll see what I can do, try, let me look into that and I'll get back to you this afternoon. Same task, completely different feeling. People don't expect perfection.

5:12They expect reassurance. And that's worth remembering because many professionals lose clients not because they're less capable, but because they unintentionally communicate uncertainty. Confidence isn't pretending to know everything. It's making people feel they're in good hands. And if you're naturally introverted, our confidence has never come easily. The good news, though, is that this is a learnable skill. Most confidence isn't personality. It's a collection of habits. Habits that you can practice until they become automatic. And that's what I teach in my program called Unshakable Self-Confidence Masterclass.

5:53No fake confidence, not motivational slogans. practical ways to communicate calm, certainty, and credibility in business and social situations. If you like more information, go ahead and visit getwealthyclients.com or click on the link that's in the bio. This is Mark Satterfield. Hope you found this helpful. I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.