We fold our phones and get roasted by Leslie Jones

20:00Peter Grosz:Bye-bye. See you later.

20:14Peter Grosz:And now the game we call Not My Job. From almost the beginning of her stand-up career, Leslie Jones was every comedian's favorite comedian, which is why Chris Rock personally recommended her to Saturday Night Live, where she became a huge star. She's got a new national stand-up tour coming up and is the host of the new show, Roast My Rental, on HGTV. She joins us now. Leslie Jones, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Yes, yes, great to see you. so i want to start uh with your origin story uh you were a basketball star in college and your stand-up career started when you won the funniest person on campus competition how did that happen at colorado state they have this community center that has all the hardies and you know where people can come shop and all that stuff and we were walking through and there was like a little billboard that said hey uh sign up for the funniest person on campus contest and my friend was like yo you should do that and i was like what i am not a comedian you know i'm you know richard prior you know what we go with those are comedians i'm just i'm just silly she was like no girl your ass is funny and i was like all right i went to class she went to class and then we met back at my house and she was like girl i signed you up for the contest and i was like why would you do that i just told you i'm not a comedian but i wasn't really mad mad at her sure and i was just like so what am i gonna do she was like just get up there and start talking because you stupid and i was like that's not how it works that's not how it works so i put like i remember this uh 10 minutes set together and i performed it for all my friends sure because your friends are the hardest to make laugh so i performed it for all my friends and they laugh but boy did they have notes oh exactly but it was it was and i i went up and i won the contest and well and here we are so yeah a couple questions how did your friend know that you were funny you were a basketball player were you like making people crack up on the court oh yeah everywhere we would go to parties like i said i had a lot of time on my hands and i was partying And I was partying at Colorado State.

22:33Like, my grade point average was 1.7. Wow. Yeah, because we was partying. Do you understand? I do. So, every party I went to, we was, like, just wilding out. Like, we would drive to CU, Colorado University, and party with the Kappas up. Yeah. I can tell you some stories now. You know I'm a member of Kappa Alpha Psi. Really? Yes. I'm a Kappa sweetheart. Let's go. I'm just leaving. Yo, sweet. Yo, sweet. Yo, sweet. Yo, sweet. Yo, sweet. Nobody in here has any idea what you're doing. I joined the Kappa Sweethearts because the Kappas was so fine. They were always so fine. And they were the best dancers.

23:21Peter Grosz:We're going to stop and you're going to explain it to me. The Kappa is the fraternity that Alzo was a member of. Not necessarily at the same place at the same time, but it's a fraternity. that he was a member of. And the Kappa Sweethearts were the girls who were... They were like, well, we were the Kappa hoes.

23:43I didn't say it. I didn't say it.

23:50Sweethearts, you've never heard sweethearts as a euphemism?

23:54Peter Grosz:Oh, yeah. So I want to talk about your new show, Roast My Rental. Essentially, as I understand it, You go into people's Airbnbs and stuff and insults it savagely in a way you can. And then when their ego is completely destroyed, somebody else comes in and fixes it. Is that about it? Well, I mean, I wouldn't describe it that way, Peter. Okay. Let's be a little bit more positive. It sounds great. I go in and I lovingly tell them that their rental sucks. Yeah. The way you say death trap is so warm. Was it fun when the producers came to you and said, so for our new show, we want somebody who has the comic chops to make even furniture feel bad about itself.

24:46Yeah. We thought of you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I pretty much do that anyway when I go to anyone's hotel or house. Oh, yeah. If I don't like something in your house, I'll be like, so why do you have this in your house? Really? I was like, what is this? Like, why is it? Okay, that's ugly. Do you like the layout that we have here? I hate it so much. When I first came on, I was like, what is this? This is like a cheap jeopardy. What is this?

25:21I was like, why is the black guy by the short white guy? What is this whole setup?

25:28Peter Grosz:Can you think of the worst thing you ever saw in one of those places, for real, or on the TV show? I know. It's hard to be put in the spot. It's kind of both, I would think. Because I had one where I had a whole beehive in the wall, in the master. I've had that, where I rented that out. And he literally asked me, he goes, well, the bees wasn't there before you got there. Oh, I bought the bees. I brought a whole hide and put it into the side of the wall, which is like so high. Like, oh, okay. There was one property we did where they had carpet in the bathroom. And that is against humanity. They need to really put up the clips of what really happened when I walked in there.

26:18They're doing the nice ones.

26:19Peter Grosz:We're getting like the safer TV version. Oh, yeah. I screamed so loud. And then I started heaving. I was like, ugh.

26:33Because can you imagine carpeting the bath?

26:43Peter Grosz:Well, Leslie Jones, it is so much fun to talk to you. And we have invited you here to play it. It is, right? Yes, she's amazing. We know this. Thank you. Make sure you guys watch the show and come see me on tour. Well, we're not done yet. We're not done yet, Leslie. We're not done yet because we have invited you here to play a game we're calling. Okay, why you got to get the black man to say it? I said the same thing, Leslie. They don't listen. You host Roast My Rental, but what about Ghost My Rental? So we're going to ask you about the haunted houses that pop up all over the world. every Halloween, answer two out of three questions correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose on their voicemail.

27:31Peter Grosz:Also, who is Leslie Jones playing for? Twyla Alexander of Erie, Colorado. All right. Get two to three right. Multiple choice. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Here's your first question. Out of all the haunted houses, probably the most famous is the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. But over the years, employees there have consistently had to deal with visitors who want to do what? Is it A, throw holy water at the animatronic ghosts, B, try to spread their loved one's ashes inside the attraction, or C, demand a refund because, quote, they're not real ghosts? You know what? I'm going to say C because people are a**hole.

28:18Peter Grosz:I can't argue with your reasoning, but in fact, it was B. People try to spread their loved ones' ashes. Because you know, if you've ever been on the ride, at the very end, they say, we have 999 ghosts, but we always have room for one more. And I guess enough people were like, okay, how about Uncle Ted? I have him right here. All right. Next question, Shocktoberfest. It's a seasonal, quote, scream park in Pennsylvania, which in 2013 offered an additional terror, if you will, to its haunted house attraction. What was it? A, a, quote, recurring nightmare room where you'd be required to take a high school history test without having studied for it.

28:55Peter Grosz:B, you and every other visitor are stark naked. Or C, an animatronic climate scientist who delivered short lectures on the effects of global warming.

29:09All of them sound pretty bad.

29:12Peter Grosz:They're pretty bad. But I would have to say C again. So the haunted house, scary, spooks, werewolves, freaks, vampires, and... Freaks. Freaks. Okay, wait, wait. Okay, then wait. What was B again? B was that you and everybody, all the other visitors, were all naked. Okay, I'm gonna say B. You're right. You helped her.

29:41That's sweet!

29:42Peter Grosz:It's the Kappa to the Kappa Sweetheart Connection working for you. You better know it. Yeah, it was called the Naked and Scared Challenge, and the park owner said, quote, the whole idea is to create this vulnerability and get their defenses down, unquote. And, of course, their pants. Yeah, naked and afraid. You bet. That was the theme. Last question. If you get this right, you win. Working at a haunted house is good seasonal employment, of course, but there are risks for the workers. What happened to an employee at a haunted house in Japan 2011? Was it A, a woman was convinced the employee was the ghost of her dead ex-husband and kept coming back to yell at him?

30:19Peter Grosz:B, an employee scared a visitor so much with his sudden ghostly appearance that the visitor, a black belt in karate, broke his jaw with a kick? or C, an employee became convinced that he was a ghost, tried to float right through a wall, and broke his nose. Oh, my God. Now, that's just dumb assness. Right. I'm going to say B. And you're right again. Yeah. That's it.

30:47Also, how did Leslie Jones do in her quiz? Leslie Jones is a winner. Two out of three.

30:52Peter Grosz:Congratulations. Yay! Leslie Jones is the host of Roast My Rental and HGTV, and she's on tour soon. Please go see her. She's amazing. Leslie Jones, thank you so much for joining us. I'm right with our family. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye.

31:18Peter Grosz:In just a minute, slither into our listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

31:30Support for NPR and the following message come from FX's The Drop, a snowfall saga. Wanda and Leon are back, but this time they're chasing a different kind of legacy. As West Coast rap begins to take over 90s Los Angeles, Wanda is betting on a new generation of artists ready to make a name for themselves in hip hop. But in a city where every opportunity comes with a price, they'll have to decide what they're willing to risk to leave their mark. FX's The Drop, now streaming on Hulu. This message comes from Grainger. This is the story of The One. As a procurement manager for a hospital system, she keeps every facility in her network stocked and ready.

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32:34From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Sereni Rasekera, Nagin Farsad, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Alzo.

32:52Peter Grosz:Thank you, everybody. In just a minute, we will stuff your ear holes full of rhymes in our listener Limerick Challenge game. If, after hearing it put like that, you'd still like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Nagin, this week, The Cut reported on a phenomenon plaguing friend groups across the nation. Apparently, after your gang goes out to dinner together, no one is doing what anymore? Oh, um, heroin? Kids these days! I don't know what's fun! I'm sorry. They're doing heroines. Okay, they're eating the heroin.

33:33Peter Grosz:Doing heroin eating. So, sorry, they're going out and they're doing... This is a trend. I mean, I'm sure this has happened to you. You go with a bunch of people, right? And check comes, there's like eight people. You all do different things. So you say, I'll just put up my credit card. But then something that's supposed to happen is not happening anymore. And what is that thing? Splitting the bill. So they're taking, they're doing that part. Yes, but then the follow-up doesn't happen. The follow-up is... Ask him to use it in a sentence. Like politely saying to everybody that you love and appreciate them?

34:11No. And then leaving the restaurant?

34:12Peter Grosz:It's like when you say, hey, guys, don't worry about it. I'll put it on my card, and then you all can. Oh, repay me. Yes. Like Venmo me. Nobody is paying you back. That is what the trend is. Wow. Whoa. But also, why isn't that person go ahead and sending a text to everybody? Well, that's the thing. You see, here's the thing. Apparently, passive aggression is back, too. Right. People are picking up checks saying, here I am, here's my Venmo, here's my Zelle, and then no one is paying back. It's like a thing that has stopped happening. Repayment avoidance, according to New York Magazine, is more common than ever.

34:45Peter Grosz:The message from your friends is less, I'll get the next one, and more, I will never get anything ever. I'm kind of crazy where I tell people, I'm like, you can't leave the table until you Venmo me. And it works. Right. Is that crazy? Does it really? How do you enforce that? I say it at the table after I put my card done. And I jokingly, I'm like, no one's getting up until you pay me. You're like, I will let go of your throat when it clears. I see your money. I'll put the gun down once I get that little cha-ching. It's a problem for everybody because these are your friends, right? Of course. It's embarrassing to have to remind someone.

35:20Peter Grosz:You want to be chill, but you also want to have money. It's like, how do you remind someone they owe you money, but in a friendly way? I said, hey, remember that great meal we had last week? I keep thinking about it because I haven't had the money to buy any food. Peter, there's new research on mosquito bites and how to make them less irritating. Experts say that to make those bites itch less, you should never scratch them. No, instead you should do what? Oh gosh. I hate advice like this. Like don't scratch and itch. Don't like eat when you're hungry. Like it doesn't make any sense. Don't, you should like rub up against somebody's arm or something like that.

36:03What? I don't know. It's not scratching, but it's like rubbing it. I don't know. Oh, yeah.

36:07Peter Grosz:That would work out really well if everybody started doing that. Yeah. Everybody loves that. Hey, no, I'm not being weird. I just have a mosquito bite. Exactly. Yeah, hi, I'm Peter. I'll be done in a minute. Stan, don't move. Don't move. I'll be done in a minute. I just found the spot. If you move, it ruins it for me. Let's see. It's not scratching. Can I have a hint? It's mind over mosquito bite. Imagine you're scratching itch? Exactly right. Just think about how much you want to scratch that itch, but don't scratch it. A new study shows that if you think about how itchy your bite is, but you don't scratch it, it will actually heal faster.

36:47Peter Grosz:And if you do that, within 10 minutes, you'll be willing to confess to any crime at all. I thought it was going to be like, hit yourself in the toe with a hammer. Oh, my toe. Forget my mosquito bite. I can't walk. No, the idea is in pain management, the more you direct your mental focus on pain or irritation, the better your body becomes at reducing the inflammation in that area. It's amazing. It requires focus and self-control and someone duct-taping oven mitts over your head.

37:23Peter Grosz:Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can come see us most weeks right here at the Studi Baker Theater in downtown Chicago. But you can also catch us on the road. We'll be in Omaha on September 24th and in Kalamazoo, Michigan on October 22nd. For tickets and information for all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, Yaron. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Michal calling from Hadley, Massachusetts. Michal, nice to talk to you.

37:56Peter Grosz:My niece is named Michal, which is why... Actually? She actually is. Wow. Which is why I was able to say your name without hesitation. I'm deeply impressed. I am too. Well, Michal, it's great to talk to you. Alzo Slade right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? I'm ready. Here's your first limerick. Opera's live. There are no extra takes. steely reptiles will get their big breaks while the voices get shrill they must slither and chill at the met we're auditioning snakes snakes yes a new production of the opera cosi fantuti is set in a 1950s carnival and of course you need a snake handler and a snake at a carnival so the met had open auditions for the role of snake aspiring serpents lined up around the block at Lincoln Center.

38:57Peter Grosz:They're all out there practicing nervously their arias. Yeah. Oh, you're going to get it. You're so good. And for my monologue, this is something from Snakes on a Plane. I had to do an acting job with a snake once. You did? Yeah, high maintenance on HBO. I was in a snake episode. I believe it was even called Snake. And I didn't enjoy that. Really? I just didn't enjoy I felt nervous about Being in a room with a snake Is there an animal you would have preferred being on set with? Like a cute puppy I don't know Why isn't the Met auditioning cute puppies? That's the show I want to see You have to ask the Italian guy Why he didn't write a puppy into his opera Yeah It was Mozart Oh I don't know This Mozart guy sounds like a really crappy writer Here's your next limerick.

40:00Adult humans can be cookie hogs, leaving canine companions agog. If you sit, beg, and shake, then we Girl Scouts will bake. We are selling some treats just for... Dogs.

40:14Peter Grosz:Yes, the Girl Scouts announced their first ever Girl Scout cookie for dogs. Before this, the only Girl Scout cookie for dogs was any Girl Scout cookie that fell on the ground. Weirdly, some of this is not the first Girl Scout cookie made with bone broth. They're called Patch Pals, and this is true. They are blueberry muffin flavored. You can eat them probably. I mean, I feel like I would try one. I will say, I feel like... I don't know, right? There's probably a gym rat out there that heard there's bone broth in the cookies. They're a bunch of protein max with some Girl Scout cookies. If so, it was a joke, Brad.

40:57Peter Grosz:Too late. Too good. Too late, dude. All right, Michal, here is your last limerick. Insect robots are easy to coach. In small spaces, they calmly approach. Though I'm in a tight spot, I can still get a shot from a needle attached to a... Roach? Yes, a roach. Great news for disaster victims. Live cockroaches with brain implants can now help deliver life-saving aid to disaster victims by scurrying into the rubble with medication and giant needles. No, thanks, man. I'm good. I'm going to die. I would rather die. This is true. What do you mean with brains? What does that mean? So scientists figured out a way to put an implant into the brain of a cockroach that allows a scientist with like a joystick to steer the cockroach.

41:52If I saw a robotic cockroach coming at me, I think I'd be in hell. Like I think I was already dead. What about a dog again? Let's have the dog to go in there. I feel like my takeaway from the story is we've spent way too long talking about AI and literally no time at all talking about these brain altered.

42:13Peter Grosz:Also, how did Michal do in our quiz? She did great. Three out of three. She's a champ. Congratulations, Michal. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Bye bye. Bye.

42:57This message comes from Grainger. This is the story of The One. As a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility, he knows keeping the line up and running is a top priority. That's why he chooses Grainger. Because when a drive belt gets damaged, Grainger makes it easy to find the exact specs for the replacement product he needs. And next day delivery helps ensure he'll have everything in place and running like clockwork. Call 1-800-GRAINGER. click Grainger.com or just stop by.

43:27Peter Grosz:Grainger, for the ones who get it done. This message comes from Southern New Hampshire University, a non-profit provider of online education. With more than 80 career-focused master's programs to choose from and coursework that can be done 100 % online, SNHU offers education that fits your life and your goals. Learn more at snhu.edu slash wait. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores? Of course.

44:03Peter and Serrani are tied up at two, and Nagin is blazing with the lead of four points. What? How did that even happen?

44:11Peter Grosz:All right. That means Peter and Serrani are tied for second. Peter, you're going to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump expanded his trade war with blank. Canada. Right. On Wednesday, SpaceX launched a classified mission for the U.S. blank force. Space. Yes. This week, global blank prices rose above$100 a barrel. Oil. Yes. On Wednesday, the latest storm in the 2026 blank season made landfall in Hawaii. WNBA. No, a hurricane. Yes. This week, the head of a venture capital firm said that he believed that after the apocalypse, blank will be used as currency.

44:45Peter Grosz:Skin. No. No. Pokemon cards. Whoa. Gotta catch them all. This week, Malibu residents were evacuated after a giant blank opened up at Nick Cage's house. I want to say like a party, but maybe sinkhole? Yes, a giant sinkhole. On Tuesday, ABC denied reports that blank's late night show would end next year. Jimmy Kimmel. Right. This week, an ER in England got so overcrowded that one patient had to have her IV bag hung from blank. Hung from another patient's broken arm. No, close though, from a skeleton. I didn't say if it was dead or alive. True. When a woman showed up at the hospital complaining of a severe headache, the ER was already so overcrowded, they had to hang her IV drip from one of those model teaching skeletons they had around, it was on a stand.

45:34Peter Grosz:Even worse, when she asked where that skeleton came from, the doctor said, don't worry, that was just the last person that came in here with a severe headache. Alzo, how did Peter do in our quiz? Peter got six right for 12 more points, total of 14, and the lead. All right, so... For now. For now. Sereni, you're up next. Here we go, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a former employee of Anthropic warned there was a 10 % chance that blank will soon destroy humanity. AI. Yes. Okay. On Wednesday, the Seattle Seahawks beat the New England Patriots in the opening game of the blank season. Football? Yes.

46:10Peter Grosz:Okay. Got it, yes. NFL, according to a new report, this last summer is officially the blankest on record. Warmest. Yes, hottest on Monday. Thieves managed to steal two Renoir paintings from a museum in blank. Paris. Yeah, France. This week, Marvel Studios recommended that before seeing the new Avengers movie this fall, audience members need to watch blank. Marvel. Captain America. No, yes, and 42 hours of all the earlier Avenger and Marvel movies. Okay, let me hear that ding. This week, a man in New Hampshire is facing multiple charges after he called 911 to report a fire at his own home and then blanked when firefighters arrived.

46:47Peter Grosz:Freaked out. No, stole their fire truck. What? The homeowner in rural New Hampshire reported a fire at his two-bedroom house just before sunrise, and when the firefighters showed up, he stole their truck. Listen, you may not approve of this, but find me a better way to trade a two-bedroom house in rural New Hampshire for a new truck. Was there even a fire there? I said it was actually a fire. Because you had to distract the firemen when they got there, right? So you could stake their truck. Also, how did Serrani do in our quiz? She got four right, eight more points, total of ten, which means Peter Gross is still in the lead.

47:22Oh. Four nine.

47:24Peter Grosz:Okay. You did that. So how many then does Nagin need to win? Five to tie, six to win. All right. Ready, Nagin? Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Friday, residents of New York City commemorated the anniversary of blank. with seven individual moments of silence. 9-11. Right. This week, a whistleblower reported that blank skipped basic background checks in their rush to hire new officers. Pete Hexeth. Ah, no. In this case, ICE. This week, health experts warned that new strains of the flu and blank were circulating. COVID. Right. According to new data, blank cases in the U.S. are at their highest level in 30 years.

48:01Peter Grosz:Measles. Right. This week, two police officers in Washington escaped uninjured when they were sent to arrest blank. Puppies. No, a quote, really strong-looking goat. On Wednesday, a man in Singapore pled guilty to scamming people out of$240 million worth of the cryptocurrency blank. Bitcoin? Yes, according to a new study, taking a 30-minute brisk walk once a day may be just as effective as getting in your 10 ,000 blanks. Steps. Right, this week an art collector in Los Angeles offered$4 ,000 at a gallery for a sculpture of a broken vacuum only to discover blank. That it worked. No, that it was just a broken vacuum.

48:42Peter Grosz:Janitor, cleaning up the gallery, vacuum breaks, leaves it in the corner where he thought it would go unnoticed, but he didn't count on one collector's very sharp and completely undiscerning eye. So the man offered to the gallery$4 ,000 for the vacuum, which is crazy. It wasn't even a Dyson.

49:03Peter Grosz:Alzo, did Nagin do well enough to win? No, but... She did do well enough to tie because she got five right for 10 more points. Total of 14. Peter and McGee win.

49:21Peter Grosz:In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after that new iPhone duo, what will be the next surprisingly foldable product on the market. But first, let me tell you that... Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is Jasira Vardak, thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

49:51Peter Grosz:Special thanks this week to Mohanad Alshehi and Janie Hoffman and Dom Banas. Peter Gwynn is a really strong-looking goat. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical directions from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilag, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what company is going to unveil a foldable product next? So, Rainey, we're a sakura. Bath and Body Works are putting out the first foldable fitted sheet. Can't be done. Can't be done. Cannot be done. No more crying over your queen-size bed, okay?

50:27Peter Grosz:It's against the laws of physics. Peter Gross. Ford will announce their new Ford F-150 truck with the slogan, The F is for foldable. And Nguyen Farsad. Apple is going to not only have the foldable phone, but a foldable laptop, because laptops already fold, but now you can fold them three more times. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Alzo Slade. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Nguyen Farsad. And congrats to Sereney for making a fabulous debut. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We will see you next week.

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