In short
Episode topic: Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me NPR News Quiz hosted by Tom Papa (filling in for Peter Sagal) featuring games about current news and a long interview with Jesuit priest and New York Times bestselling author Father James Martin promoting his book Work in Progress. The show also includes “Who’s Bill,” “Bluff the Listener” (truth vs fiction job posts), “Don’t Take Confession, Take These Concessions” (stadium food quiz), “Not My Job,” “Limerick challenge,” and “Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank.”
Guests
Father James Martin (Jesuit priest; editor-at-large of America Magazine; former busboy/dishwasher/caddy/bank teller; author of Work in Progress). Panelists: Shantira Jackson (writer/comic; wrote for Clean Slate; Prime), Josh Gondelman (comedian; Blue Ridge Comedy Club performer), Katie Nolan (Emmy-winning host; Jeopardy! finalist; podcast Casuals).
Key claims/examples
Atlantic report alleges FBI Director Kash Patel drank heavily and missed work; Scientific American describes a humanoid robot winning Beijing’s E-Town half marathon; Plenty of Fish “Dating Co-Pilot” and “Fun Guy Insurance” are presented as fictional job/vibe-control concepts; Martin says humiliating jobs taught him kindness; he credits Pope Francis with energizing church attendance.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOCelebrating Bring Your Child to Work Day
0:46 to 1:15
Discussion on a memorable incident during Bring Your Child to Work Day.
“I'm Tom Papa filling in for Peter Sagal, who tricked me into a house swap.”
Introducing Listener Contestant Blanca
1:15 to 1:42
The show introduces listener contestant Blanca and her son Mateo.
“Each year, we honor the day by giving you an hour of radio you wish was dead air.”
Who's Bill Game Begins
1:42 to 3:07
Listener Blanca participates in the game, answering news quotes.
“This is Blanca, and my son, Mateo, is next to me.”
News Quotes and Comedic Commentary
3:07 to 9:32
Panelists discuss various news quotes with humor and insights.
“Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail.”
Job Game Show Introduction
14:09 to 19:16
The hosts introduce a game where a caller must identify a real job from humorous options.
“That was just the sound of my joke bombing.”
Interview with Father James Martin
19:16 to 22:43
Father James Martin shares insights from his book and discusses his life experiences.
“What we're trying to do is create a role that's almost a sommelier, but for a dog breath.”
The Role of the Pope
22:43 to 24:12
Discussion on the impact of Pope Francis on American church attendance and his background.
“Now, you made a playlist to accompany your book and it has everything from afternoon delight to rock lobster on it.”
Humorous Anecdotes about the Pope
24:12 to 26:08
Father Martin shares anecdotes about Pope Francis that highlight his character.
“Did you know Pope Leo before he became Pope?”
Stadium Concessions Game
26:08 to 28:00
Father Martin participates in a game about stadium concessions, answering trivia questions.
“Don't take confession, take these concessions.”
Quiz on Unbelievable Concessions
28:00 to 30:12
Discover bizarre food offerings at stadiums and Father James's quiz performance.
“B, somewhere here, there's tiramisu and little hats.”
Show all 14 chapters
News Quiz Questions and Hilarious Insights
32:35 to 36:52
Engage with the humorous take on current news events and quiz questions.
“In just a minute, Bill's going to cut the umbilical cord on our brand new limericks.”
Listener Limerick Challenge and Lego Scam
36:52 to 41:25
Join in on the limerick challenge and hear about a clever Lego scam.
“But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.”
Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank Game
42:51 to 45:02
Participants engage in a rapid-fire trivia game with fill-in-the-blank prompts.
“Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank.”
Trivia Game Continued
45:02 to 48:25
Continued trivia with humorous interactions and unexpected answers.
“On Wednesday, Senate Republicans approved a budget that would fund blank without Democratic support.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This message comes from Mattress Firm. Waking up sore? Mattress Firm sleep experts can match you with a Tempur-Pedic Adapt that absorbs motion for undisturbed rest. Visit Mattress Firm and learn how to get 3 % back with special financing. They make sleep easy.
0:19From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Screw you seasonal allergies, I'm the voice so fine, even my sneezes sound like music.
0:37I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Tom Papa. Thank you, Bill. And thanks, everybody. I'm Tom Papa filling in for Peter Sagal, who tricked me into a house swap. My house for his dirty office. We have a great show for you today. We'll be talking to New York Times bestselling author, Father James Martin. But first, this week we celebrate the 10th anniversary of the time an NPR employee brought their kid for Bring Your Child to Work Day. And this is true, that child hit a button and caused a full minute of dead air during morning edition.
1:22Each year, we honor the day by giving you an hour of radio you wish was dead air. So give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is Blanca, and my son, Mateo, is next to me. Hi. And we're calling from St. Paul, Minnesota. Ah, St. Paul, Minnesota. Love St. Paul. What do you do for fun in St. Paul? I just sit around in the basement and play video games. Most of them. Living the dream, kid. Living the dream. Now, Blanca, let us introduce you to our panel First up, she's a writer and a comedian Who most recently wrote for Clean Slate Available now on Prime It's Shantira Jackson Hello, Blanca Hi Next, the comedian who will be performing At the Blue Ridge Comedy Club in Bristol, Tennessee May 29th and 30th It's Josh Gondelman Hello Hello, hello And making her debut on our panel, she's a celebrity Jeopardy!
2:44finalist and the Emmy award-winning host of the podcast Casuals, it's Katie Nolan. Hi, Blanca. Hi. Welcome to the show, Blanca. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. You ready? Yes. All right. Good luck. Here's your first quote. He's known to drink to excess at Ned's in D.C. and at the Poodle Room in Las Vegas. That's from a report in The Atlantic alleging that the nation's top law enforcement officers drinking compromised several high-stakes investigations.
3:33Who is it? Oh, my God. I don't know. Can I help him? He likes to pay cash. Cash Patel? Yes. Yes. That's right. Cash Patel, the FBI director, is facing calls to resign after a report in The Atlantic found he was, quote, conspicuously inebriated and frequently missed work because of his drinking. The report was based on testimony from multiple FBI agents and on just watching Kash Patel do anything. That does kind of explain why in every picture he looks surprised his picture is taken. Like his parents just busted him sneaking in after curfew. Like that's always his face. I feel like if I worked for this administration, I would need to drink as well.
4:31You have to. He doesn't want to remember anything. The FBI at one point reportedly had to use breaching equipment to get into his apartment because they couldn't wake him up. Okay, look, I've been drunk before, but I've never been battering ram drunk. Who wanted him awake?
4:57Everyone who works for him is like, boss, what do we do? That's like the kid who used to raise their hand and ask where the homework was I wonder if it was more like my boss isn't here. We get to wake him up with a battering room Patel is suing the Atlantic for 250 million dollars for defamation Is it really? Implying that Patel once actually thought he was famous Where do you get that number from? Yeah, the 250 million It's a number you come up with when you're pretty hammered
5:34200 million dollars All right your next quote is from Scientific American Describing the winner of a half marathon last weekend Long legs like elite runners And a liquid circulation system adapted from smartphones That runner beat all the competition and broke the half marathon world record, making it the first ever what to do that? Robot. Robot, yes. Good job. This year, a humanoid robot beat all the humans at Beijing's E-Town half marathon. Many people run half marathons for the feeling of joy and accomplishment. So, of course, some scientists were like, but what if you could do it without that and faster?
6:33I'm unimpressed. Oh, yeah? We already have so many robots that are faster than people. We just don't make them race us. I flew here in an airplane. That would win a half marathon instantaneously. I just wonder if the robot also pees and poops down its leg. Do you think the robot can't stop telling other robots that it just ran a half marathon?
6:59My nipples are bleeding.
7:04Well, for the past several years, Beijing has been hosting the humanoid robot half marathon. Last year, the winning time was two hours and 40 minutes. This year, it was 50 minutes. Oh, my God. Yeah. Next year, it will murder all the humans at the starting point. Who are the humans that are signing up to get smoked by these robots? It's embarrassing. Well, I saw it. I know radio, it's not a visual medium. But you should know, he looked goofy. Yeah. It is important to say. It is important to say that if you win and you look like that, you are a loser. Yeah. But for the first time, when they put that silver blanket on them, it actually made sense.
7:47Mommy, are you my mommy? All right, here's your last quote. I saw the$20 white claw, and I thought, wow, I'm really glad I pre-gamed. That was someone telling the Wall Street Journal that, like many adults, they're saving money by doing what at home? Cooking. Drinking. Cooking. You said cooking? Yeah. Drinking. You're right.
8:22Yeah, that's what they're doing. They're now drinking at home before they go out. This is why I drink home before I go out, right? Because of the economy. Right. Honey, I'm being financially sound right now. I'm not doing shots because your friends are annoying. Pre-gaming, as it's called, a thing you already knew if you're cool, is common among college students, but now more and more actual adults are doing it. For example, a single cocktail at a musical in New York can cost$36. Look, just stay home. I'll tell you the ending. Hamilton dies. For$36, you've got to let me sing a little bit. We're doing karaoke now.
9:10If you're serious about saving money, you pregame at home, and you only go to the bar to throw up in their bathroom. They started with$20 white claw. If you're telling me there's a$20 white claw on offer, that better be the claw of an endangered species. Yeah, this claw. Bill, how did Blanca do? Blanca got them all right. She was perfect. All right. Good job, Blanca. Thank you. Thanks for playing and enjoy the video games. Thank you.
9:51Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Katie, an electric car company in China has secured a patent for a technology that will transform the passenger seat into what at the touch of a button? Oh, two good answers it could be here. Do I go toilet or do I go bed? A question Cash Patel asks often. Something tells me he multitask. Something tells me they are one and the same to him. Let's say bed, Tom. No. Do you want me to say toilet? Okay, toilet. Good job. Wow. Wow. Not only the touch of a button either, It's also voice activated. Just say the words, start up toilet function, which is great because that's what I always say when I got to go.
10:52Excuse me, fellas. Start up toilet function. Now this is the passenger seat? The passenger seat. So someone else is in the car with you. I'm picturing the whole family. It's really advanced. The toilet is stored beneath the passenger seat and slides out on rails when you need it. Also, this is true, an exhaust fan immediately deploys, which is rude but fair. Was it It's a Wonderful Life where the dance floor opened up and the pool was under it? Yes, right. This is just like that. This is just like that. This would be called It's a Terrible Life. Sorry, Grandma.
11:40Coming up, our panelists dust off their resumes in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
11:54This message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast, Choiceology. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Download the latest episode and subscribe at schwab.com slash podcast. This message comes from IXL. The IXL Level Up Diagnostic gives you clear, just-in-time insight into student learning, with benchmark results and real-time updates throughout the year. Even better, Level Up creates a personalized action plan for every student that guides them to what they should practice on IXL to improve. Learn more at IXL.com slash NPR. This message comes from Whole Foods Market.
12:34Make Mother's Day special with brunch or dinner from Whole Foods Market. Start with quality cheese and charcuterie with no synthetic nitrates. Then choose sustainable, wild-caught, or responsibly farmed seafood on sale. Finish with seasonal bakery treats like strawberry pretzel cream pie. Or keep it easy with ready-to-heat quiche Lorraine, deviled eggs, and fresh-cut fruit. Celebrate mom with Whole Foods Market.
13:01From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is... Wait, wait, don't tell me. the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Katie Nolan, Shantira Jackson, and Josh Gundelman. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa. Thanks, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Aiden. I'm calling from Philadelphia. Hi, Aiden. Welcome to the game. What do you do there in Philadelphia? So I do stained glass restoration, and I also teach glassblowing, and I'm an artist assistant.
13:54Wow. Wow. Impressive. Really cool. Do people often tell you you're a real glass act?
14:08Doesn't hang up with enough cool dads. Aiden, are you still there? Yep. Still good. Okay. She's there. That was just the sound of my joke bombing.
14:25All right. It's nice to have you with us, Aiden. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? Now hiring. If you're looking for a new job, stop right now because we have a doozy for you. This week, we heard about a once-in-a-lifetime job opening. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? Yep. All right. The excitement is profound. first up it's josh gondelman are you a veterinary technician or sommelier with heavy gambling debts and very little dignity well spot and tango a dog food company has just the job for you to test their new line of breath mints for dogs the corporation is looking for an animal lover with a keen sense of smell to serve as a dog breath sniffer as dog breath sniffer you'll get up close to canines canines in dog parks across New York City.
15:34You simply ask a stranger if you can smell the inside of their dog's mouth, and then once you wipe the pepper spray out of your eyes, you get to work. Sure, it doesn't sound like a great gig, but at least it's a job that AI won't replace. Not to mention, the compensation is listed as up to$1 ,000 an hour. In this economy, that might be enough cash to get someone to sniff both ends of a dog.
16:06That's Dog Breath Sniffer from Josh Gondelman. Your next job post comes from Katie Nolan. Dating apps have made it difficult to find love, but one app is making a bold move to help. Plenty of Fish has announced they are currently hiring for a unique position, Dating Co-Pilot. According to their website, this hourly worker would be available to help singles looking for love in a number of ways. Perhaps you're a young woman who's watched too much true crime. Your co-pilot will arrive at your date first and make sure this guy isn't a serial killer. And then seamlessly hand the date off to you. Surely he'll understand.
16:46The most expensive option, Co-Pilot Premium, attends your entire date incognito. all the while discreetly monitoring the situation for any issues. Have a huge piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth? Your co-pilot will stand just out of your date's line of sight, gesticulating wildly towards their own teeth while waving a piece of lettuce. Crisis averted. Plenty of Fish says they've already begun piloting the program at popular date night spots around town like the Cheesecake Factory on Temple Street downtown as well as the Cheesecake Factory near University Plaza.
17:26That's dating co-pilot from Katie Nolan And your last employment opportunity Comes from Chintira Jackson In Nashville, Tennessee Spring and summer wedding season is underway And many brides and grooms are adding something special To their special day Besides picking the venue and sending out invitations People are worried that even if everything is planned perfectly Somebody might ruin the vibe Enter Fun Guy Insurance, a business that will send one person to your wedding to make sure none of your guests ruin your big day. Did your maid of honor deliver a speech that was mostly about her? Don't worry, your Fun Guy will deliver a speech that blends humor and heart, fixing everything.
18:09They will also be the first person on the dance floor and will teach her grandmas how to cha-cha slide. You can add extras to your fun guy insurance, including, but not limited to, stopping your weird uncle from drinking too much. Making sure the DJ doesn't play any R. Kelly, even though your aunt keeps on asking him to do that. And, most importantly, being able to do the worm at any moment. And if you're on your second wedding, don't worry, they will never send the same guy twice.
18:42Okay, Aiden. So you have Dog Breath Sniffer from Josh Gondelman. You've got a dating co-pilot from Katie Nolan. And a person to keep the vibes good at your wedding from Shantira Jackson. Which of these is the real story we found in the week's news? So I really want to say the dating app, but I think it's probably the wedding fun guy. Wedding fun guy. Okay. To find out the correct answer, we talked to someone who knows all about the real story. What we're trying to do is create a role that's almost a sommelier, but for a dog breath. No way. No way.
19:31Oh, my God. This was the first time that I've ever been on the show and was given the real story and was like, there's no way. I would never do that. No. No, that was a hard one, Aiden. But thank you so much for playing with us today. We'll see you next time.
20:00And now the game we call Not My Job. Father James Martin was many things before becoming a Jesuit priest, including a busboy, a dishwasher, and a bank teller. And he's become many things since, including a New York Times bestselling author and the editor-at-large of America Magazine. By the end of this, we'll see if he can add public radio game show winner to his resume. Father James Martin, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. My pleasure.
20:35So nice to have you. I watch you all the time. I've seen you on Colbert and on Instagram. And it's really nice to meet you and talk about your new book. It's called Work in Progress, Confessions of a Busboy, Dishwasher, Caddy, Usher, Factory Worker, Bank Teller, Corporate Tool, and Priest. What haven't you done? I have not been a dog-breath sommelier.
21:09So your book is all about your past summer job starting off when you were a child. Which job made you believe in God the least?
21:23Probably, I was the world's worst caddy at a golf course outside of Philadelphia. and I was stuck in the middle of a lightning storm. And my cat, my golfer told me to stay there with the bag of clubs under a tree. And I realized that I was standing under a tree in the middle of an electrical storm holding a bag of lightning rods. But you have a real nice way of giving perspective. Looking back, these weren't really just dumb jobs. You did learn something along the way. Yeah, I learned a lot about hard work, first of all, but also being kind to people. Because when you're humiliated as a busboy or a dishwasher or a caddy, you know, you learn how not to humiliate people.
22:09It was as effective as a year's worth of homilies on being kind. Yeah, I was a busboy, and they are mean to you when you were a busboy. I was probably 15 years old, and a guy was really mean to me. And I wasn't really as poised as you were. and when he demanded that I give him rolls, I may have licked one or two. I wouldn't do that now, Father, but back then. See, you are confessing. I was going to say that's three Hail Marys. That's right. I absolve you 40 years later. Thank you.
22:47Now, you made a playlist to accompany your book and it has everything from afternoon delight to rock lobster on it. Do you actually make the playlist yourself? And more importantly, what do you consider an afternoon delight?
23:05As I say in my book, it was a mark of some distinction if at age 15 in the summer of 1976, you knew what an afternoon delight was. So we consider ourselves very cool. You know, that playlist actually is from the book. And in each chapter, I mention, you know, a song or two that was popular during the summer. And I tell people, this is not the playlist that I would look back and say, these are the songs that I like now from that time period. These are the songs that I actually listen to. So including Afternoon Delight. But, you know, my taste, I would say, develop a little bit more as I get older.
23:42I'm Catholic, and I travel around the country as a comedian all the time. and I go into all these churches when I'm on tour. I try and fit it in on Saturday before the show or before I fly back on a Sunday. And I really have noticed in the last couple of years, these churches all around the country are filling up. There's a lot more activity. It seems like from the early days to now, it seems like there are a lot more people going to church. Do you find that true? And do you think having an American Pope has anything to do with that? I'd say a little of it. You know, people have been thinking about this, people who entered the church, you know, for maybe a longer time than he's been Pope, but he's certainly given people, you know, a real shot in the arm, and it is really something to listen to the Vicar of Christ speak in flawless Chicago English.
24:33Did you know Pope Leo before he became Pope? I did a little bit. I was at a meeting called the Synod, the Synod of Bishops, and I happened to be, we were at the same table, and he's wonderful. He really is wonderful. I mean, I don't have to tell a Chicago audience that. He's kind and smart and reserved and prayerful. I'll tell you a funny story. I was helping out ABC News during the conclave, and I was so excited because I knew him. It's amazing to see someone you know dressed up like the Pope coming out of that balcony. Dressed up like the Pope. That is Halloween in Chicago. I went back to the Jesuit community.
Read the full transcript
25:12I was staying in the Jesuit headquarters and I was so excited and I said, I can't believe that he was at my table. And they said, no, Jim, you were at his.
25:28So do you get the Pope's phone No number? No comment. Wow. It's so beautiful the way you speak of him. It's such a good recommendation. Part of me was hoping you're like, that guy? It's a real piece of garbage that guy. One of my favorite lines was among the Italians, you know, he was, it was not exactly a huge surprise, but he was kind of on the second tier of guys who were being considered. One of the Italians said that he was the least American of the Americans, which was a compliment. Well, Father James, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... Don't take confession, take these concessions.
26:18That's right. We're going to ask you three questions about stadium concessions. You know, it's funny, I actually have my PhD in stadium The HD stands for hot dog This is all the food that you can get at sporting events If you answer two out of three correctly And you'll win our prize for one of our listeners The wait waiter of their choice on their voicemail Bill, who is Father James Martin playing for? Lauren Joyce of Chicago, Illinois on. All right.
26:58Here's your first question. There's no concession more classic than Cracker Jack, but in 2012, a new product called Cracker Jacked Power Bites was not well received. Parents didn't like that the product contained what? A, twice as many peanuts. B, as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. C, venison.
27:29I'm going to say the parents were upset because it was B. You're right. B, you're right.
27:39They were loaded with caffeine. You know, for when you're like, man, I feel sluggish today. I need a bag of Cracker Jacks. All right, here's your next question. Many attention-grabbing concessions are only sold at one particular concession stand, which is why a reporter overheard a woman at Yankee Stadium telling her friend what? A, start on the upper deck. Don't come back without pokey. B, somewhere here, there's tiramisu and little hats. we have to find it. Or C, keep checking Insta until they post the nacho drop.
28:27I'm going to say B just because I can hear someone in New York saying that. You're right, B.
28:37You know, today I walked into a store with my Phillies hat on. I'm from Philadelphia. and someone said, hey, you expect me to serve you with that on? You feel like you're in a movie sometimes. And then you show him the collar and he's like, I'm sorry, what do you want? That's exactly right. And I want it for free too.
29:01The Lord give it.
29:06All right. You're doing great. Here's your last question. The most unbelievable concession we found is sold at Mercedes-Benz Stadium, home of the Atlanta Falcons, where you can get what? A, actual falcon wings with buffalo or barbecue sauce. B, a regulation-sized football helmet containing one scoop of ice cream for each of the 32 NFL teams. C, a beer that's only$5.
29:41I'm going to say A is probably illegal. B is repulsive. So I'll say C. That's right, C. Wow. Yeah. And a$2 hot dog. Bill, how did Father James do on our quiz? Is there any other answer but perfect? Nice.
30:10Congratulations, Father. Father James Martin is a New York Times bestselling author and Jesuit priest. His new book, Work in Progress, is available now. Father James Martin, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. My pleasure. Thank you.
30:30In just a minute, Bill has a delicious warning for anyone buying Legos. Find out what it is in our listener limerick challenge. call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
30:49This message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast, Choiceology, hosted by Katie Milkman, an award-winning behavioral scientist and author of the best-selling book, How to Change. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Hear true stories from Nobel laureates, historians, authors, athletes, and more about why people do the things they do. Download the latest episode and subscribe at schwab.com slash podcast or wherever you listen. This message comes from IXL. The IXL Level Up Diagnostic gives you clear, just-in-time insight into student learning, with benchmark results and real-time updates throughout the year.
31:29Even better, Level Up creates a personalized action plan for every student that guides them to what they should practice on IXL to improve. Learn more at IXL.com slash NPR. This message comes from Whole Foods Market. Make Mother's Day special with brunch or dinner from Whole Foods Market. Start with quality cheese and charcuterie with no synthetic nitrates. Then choose sustainable, wild-caught, or responsibly farmed seafood on sale. Finish with seasonal bakery treats like strawberry pretzel cream pie. Or keep it easy with ready-to-heat quiche Lorraine, deviled eggs, and fresh-cut fruit. Celebrate mom with Whole Foods Market.
32:11From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Josh Gondelman, Katie Nolan, and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa. Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, Bill's going to cut the umbilical cord on our brand new limericks. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Josh, Amazon drone delivery has started in some parts of the country, and some people are surprised by the fact that the drone drops off the package.
33:04How? Like with a thud? Kind of. Can I have a hint, please? The first thing you should order is an airbag to put in your yard. Oh, it just drops them out of the sky? Yes, from a height of 10 feet. 10 feet? Oh. Yes, apparently Amazon is very concerned with their drones bumping into people, so they stay clear, remaining 10 feet up in the air as they release your package above your cement driveway. Customers can enjoy the spectacle as they think, I really shouldn't have asked for a one-hour delivery on those martini glasses. 10 feet is also like more than enough. I feel like you could get a little bit closer unless you're exclusively delivering to basketball players.
33:47Yeah, it's more than enough, but somehow it seems less than what my real Amazon driver is doing with my passport. When I catch him on my ring camera just hauling it from the van. Just going Paperboy style. Shantira, this week a court upheld the conviction of a man who had illegally accessed and leaked Ruth Bader Ginsburg's medical records. He said he was innocent, that he accessed the records by accident, and he blamed who? Barack Obama.
34:27Oh, can I have a little clue? Sure, I'll give you a hint. More like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Oh, a cat. That's right. He says he accessed RBG's records accidentally When his cat walked across his keyboard He was a contractor who had access to the hospital system Where RBG was being treated And an investigation found He had illegally searched for her records And downloaded them But he says no While he was in the system His cat walked across his keyboard And randomly typed Ginsburg bird.
35:08Wow. Just a week after it walked across his keyboard and accidentally Googled free milk video.
35:19The thing is, if he would have told me a dog did it, I wouldn't believe him. But a cat, I believe it. They've got more of an agenda. They're clever. They are the internet. Cats and Beyonce. That's it. This excuse is so bold, but it's the kind of excuse you can try when the head of the FBI is probably drunk. You have a good shot. Josh, on Monday, two cruise ships finally ended their beautiful scenic trip through where? Was it the Strait of Hormuz? Yes, you're right. The Strait of Hormuz. Wow. What? Two enormous German cruise ships got routed through the Strait of Hormuz during the war in Iran. Just goes to show you, when someone says, I got us a great deal on a cruise, ask some follow-up questions.
36:25How embarrassing when someone asks how you died, and the answer is, he got hit by a missile while going down a water slide. That actually sounds amazing. That is how I would like to die. Take me that way. You know, it's a dinner and a show. This doesn't sound to me any worse than like your typical cruise ship experience. It's either straight a Hormuz or like Nora virus.
36:51Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago and catch us on the road. We'll be in Austin, Texas at the Bass Concert Hall on June 4th. For tickets and more information for all our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Maeve from Cleveland, Ohio. Hi, Maeve. How's Cleveland these days? I love Cleveland. I do too.
37:32Really? I feel very neutral about it. And I say that as well.
37:40That rules. Love to hear some hometown ambivalence. I guess it's a lot more fun when you have a ticket on the way out. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the show, Maeve. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you are a winner. You ready? Yep. Alright, here you go. When you socially wish to advance, if things smell, don't just widen your stance. They won't shrink, as you're told. Fading's better than mold. It is time to start washing your... Please don't tell me the answer is pants.
38:25It is! You're right! I know! Pants. The Washington Post did a deep dive on pant cleanliness, and despite popular belief, you actually do need to wash pants. Who are the people treating pants like a cast iron skillet? No, man, if you wash them, you'll lose the hard-earned seasonings of subway seat and crotch. I was going to say unfortunately it is my fiance who uh does not walk who thinks you're not supposed to wash your pants and I learned that when he first uh laid them on the bench at the end of our bed and I was like why why don't you just fold them up and put them and he said because I keep them loaded he keeps his like wallet and his chapstick and his and the belt on it and then he just puts them on the next day.
39:26So I said yes. I got that ring finger loaded. Sounds like a dream. Well, here's your next limerick. Swimming upstream is hard to explain. We find happy dust helps with the strain. We hyped Swedish salmon Can really start slamming We swim really fast on Cocaine? Cocaine, yes Research shows cocaine will make salmon swim a lot more According to a group of scientists Who I assume were caught with a big pile of blow in their lab And said, this? No, this is salmon's cocaine we're just storing it here i think if you give anything cocaine it will swim very fast you did not have to waste research dollars to find that out you're just like we're gonna fight that bear today we're gonna fight that bear all right here's your last limerick with my lego scam i'm banking oodles i replace pricey toys with cheap foodles.
40:43I sell back my phony uncooked macaroni because Legos sound just like dried... Noodles. Three in a row. Three in a row. A man in Irvine, California was arrested for a scam where he bought Lego sets from Target, removed the pieces, filled the boxes with dried pasta, and returned them. Then he sold the Lego pieces online. The man netted$35 ,000 in the scheme, but police eventually tracked him down and arrested him at his house in California where he was found surrounded by stolen Legos. And he would have gotten away too if the cops had only been barefoot. Karen, Karen flush the Legos. The cops are coming.
41:34Flush the Legos. Flush them, Karen. Bill, how did Maeve do? Maeve, you can thank the father. He got three right, too. Perfect. Great job. Thank you, Maeve. Thank you for playing. We'll see you in Cleveland. See you there.
42:05This message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast, Choiceology, hosted by Katie Milkman, an award-winning behavioral scientist and author of the best-selling book, How to Change. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Hear true stories from Nobel laureates, historians, authors, athletes, and more about why people do the things they do. Download the latest episode and subscribe at schwab.com slash podcast or wherever you listen. This message comes from Takeoff by IXL, the K-5 core math curriculum that continuously differentiates learning.
42:42Everything teachers need to personalize instruction is on Takeoff's digital platform. Learn more at takeoffbyixl.com. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Everybody has two. Wow. Three people. Everybody's tied. All right, so I'm going to pick Josh to go first. Okay. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-In-The-Blank. On Wednesday, the White House said it has no timeline for ending the war with blank.
43:25Iran. Right. This week, the administration announced plans for a$500 million bailout of blank airlines. Spirit Airlines. Right. On Wednesday, experts warned that one in five Americans are being exposed to dangerous levels of nitrate in their blank. Cold cuts? Tap water. This week, police in Ohio are pretty sure they found the man behind an arson because when he showed up to his police interview, he had blank. He had a lot of matches. Singed eyebrows. Oh, but he was Wile E. Coyote-ian. On Thursday, the 2026 NFL blank started in Pittsburgh. Finally, a layup draft. Yes, the NFL draft. After filing an insurance claim saying a bear tore their luxury cars to shreds, two men in California were denied any money because blank.
44:17They were going wild off that salmon, if you know what I mean. Because the bear was very clearly one of the guys wearing a bear costume. The duo recorded themselves fake mauling a Rolls Royce and two Mercedes Benzes in a bear suit. they definitely got off the clearance rack at Spirit Halloween. Their scam was quickly uncovered, and they were charged with insurance fraud and sentenced to 180 days in jail, a$50 ,000 fine, and they have to wrestle a real bear. Bill, how did Josh do? Bad. No, you're in the league. Oh, thank you. Three rights, six more points, total of eights. Congratulations. That was huge for me.
45:00Thank you, Bill. Katie, you're next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Senate Republicans approved a budget that would fund blank without Democratic support. Ice? Yes. This week, the CDC blocked the publication of research showing the efficacy of the blank vaccine. COVID? Right. On Wednesday, a federal appeals court ruled that Texas could require schools to display the blank in classrooms. Flag? The Ten Commandments. No! In what some New Yorkers are calling a curse, the Mets went on a 12 games losing streak after blank. After losing 12 games in a row. Oh, after Mom Donnie met Mr. and Mrs. Met. That's right.
45:45On Monday, The Onion reached a new deal to take over Alex Jones' blank. InfoWars. Right. On Thursday, images of the new blankable iPhone leaked. Bendable. Right. This week, a man in Singapore who was arrested for selling a fake Rolex for$90 ,000 was shocked to discover blank. That it was real. That's right. Wow. The watch wasn't fake. It was real and worth$120 ,000. Even though the fake watch turned out to be real, the man was still arrested because he was intending to commit a crime. So to be clear, if you're ever in Singapore, don't say, man, I could kill for a drink right now. Or you'll be looking at 15 to life for attempted murder.
46:35Bill, how did Katie do? Katie got six right. 12 more points. Her 14 gives her the lead. Congratulations. Nice, Katie. So, Bill, how many does Shantira need to win? Six to tie. Seven to win. All right, everybody, let's just have fun. Okay, this is for the game. According to several new surveys, Blank's approval rating is less than 35%. Trump? That's right. After over a decade as CEO, Tim Cook announced he was leaving Blank. Apple. Right. This week, the Department of Homeland Security warned that it would soon run out of money to pay airport Blank agents. TSA? Yes. On Thursday, shareholders approved Warner Brothers' merger with Blank.
47:22Paramount. Right. On Thursday, the White House announced it was reclassifying medical blank. Marijuana. Right. This week, police in Ohio, who rushed to a 91-year-old woman's house after she failed to respond to a wellness check, found her blanking. Playing game theft auto. Playing video games. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. After she failed to respond to the police department's automated welfare check, police knocked on the woman's door. and when she didn't answer, they went into the house where they found her playing games on her phone. The police officer can be heard sighing while telling dispatch she's okay, she's in her room playing video games.
48:04Honestly, not sure how I would feel if someone sighed because they learned I was still alive. Bill, did Shantira do well enough to win? She did very well. Six right, 12 more points, And 14 means she's a co-champion with Katie.
48:25Great job. Coming up, our panelists predict, what will a robot beat us at next? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeke writes our limericks Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater B.J. Letterman composed our theme Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills Miles Dorenbos and Lillian King Special thanks to Mohanad Elshaky and Monica Hickey And happy birthday to our good friend Lynn Pham Our fairy godmother is Peter Gwynn Our vibe curator is Emma Choi Technical direction, Lorna White Our CFO is Colin Miller Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
49:17Our senior producer is Ian Chillag. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will robots do next? Shantira Jackson. We're going to do the jobs that don't actually need to be done. CEOs. Katie Nolan. I think robots are next, unfortunately, going to beat us at war.
49:46Josh Gondelman A robot will dance the robot with such precision and artistry that people will paradoxically think it is a human Well, if any of that happens we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Thank you, Bill Curtis Thanks also to Josh Gondelman, Shantira Jackson and Katie Nolan and thanks to all of you for listening I'm Tom Papa and we'll see you next week
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