We say "So long!" to Kristi Noem and Benetti plays ball

12:04Luke Burbank:Coming up, our panelists, just take a break. Call 1-888-Way-Way to play. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from the next video.

12:21Luke Burbank:This message comes from the Arbor Day Foundation, planting trees with intention and scale to support a greener future. For more than 50 years, the Arbor Day Foundation has connected local experts with the support they need from passionate people and companies who care to plant trees in communities and forests across the world. They use data and mapping to ensure their focusing efforts in high-priority areas where trees will make the most impact, like places affected by natural disasters. Disaster recovery work involving tree planting can take years to do right. In the two decades after Hurricane Katrina, the Arbor Day Foundation has planted hundreds of thousands of trees in response, and the work continues to this day as the foundation is working with partners on the ground in New Orleans' Lower Ninth Ward to help rebuild a greener community through trees.

13:09Luke Burbank:Most recently, they've brought that same spirit to Los Angeles, planting at several sites throughout the city impacted by the Eaton Fire. Learn more and see how you can support their work at arborday.org slash NPR. This message comes from LinkedIn, who knows small businesses need a hiring partner to help. LinkedIn Hiring Pro helps you focus on meaningful conversations with the right talent by streamlining the hiring process. From shortlisting candidates to offering AI-powered interview screenings, Hiring Pro saves hirers up to six hours a week. Hire right the first time. Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash NPR.

13:49Terms and conditions apply. This message comes from Mint Mobile. If you're tired of spending hundreds on big wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash switch. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This message comes from WTTW. Join Jeffrey Baer as he tells the story of how railroads shaped Chicago. Riding the Rails with Jeffrey Baer premieres April 13th at 7 p.m. on WTTW.

14:26Negin Farsad:From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Hari Kondabolu, Nageen Farsad, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill.

14:53Luke Burbank:Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait-To-Blare Game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Heather. I'm calling from Brookston, Indiana. Brookston, Indiana. We were just in Indiana. I didn't see you. You did see me. I actually got to ask you a question in the Q &A session.

15:14Negin Farsad:That's hilarious.

15:16Luke Burbank:I'm a little embarrassed.

15:18Negin Farsad:That could not have gone worse.

15:20Luke Burbank:I'm sorry.

15:23Negin Farsad:Well, there were 3 ,200 people.

15:25Luke Burbank:I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I'm voice blind. Heather, welcome back to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Heather's topic? I call a timeout. Now, you better have a good reason if you call a timeout in the middle of a game. And sorry, stopping to check in all the bets you placed on yourself is not a good enough excuse. This week, we read about a surprising mid-game timeout at a competition. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize. The wait waiter of your choice in your voicemail.

15:57Luke Burbank:Ready to play? Yes, I'm ready. All right. First, let's hear from Hari Kondabolu.

16:02Negin Farsad:A hockey game in Muddy River, Minnesota was stopped during the second period after a Zamboni lost control, leaving players and fans running for their lives. The runaway machine was a new driverless model and was purchased when former driver Steve Berman was fired after driving the Zamboni drunk, which apparently is a crime in Minnesota. He got a Z-U-I. Town officials say the mistake may have come from the Zamboni software developer David Starr, a man they hired who was good at software but had never seen a hockey game in his life. According to Starr, I just assumed the Zamboni was kind of part of the game, like it was in the action and the guys played against it.

16:50Negin Farsad:The town has decided to hire a human Zamboni driver who will not drink beer while operating the machine. So far, the search has proved futile.

17:02Luke Burbank:An out-of-control, self-driving Zamboni disrupts a hockey game in Minnesota. Your next sports stoppage time comes from Luke Burbank.

17:12Negin Farsad:Soccer is a hard enough sport considering they don't let you use your hands, but things got even more challenging recently at a playoff match in Turkey when goalkeeper Mohamed Uyanik sent a ball soaring into the air only to watch it absolutely obliterate a seagull who happened to be flying by. The bird fell out of the sky and onto the turf and wasn't moving, which is when Uyanik's teammate, team captain Gani Katan, came to the rescue. Stopping the game, which is something they don't even do when a person gets hurt, he ran onto the field and knelt by the bird's side. Then in a move that could only be described as Dr.

17:49Negin Farsad:Doolittle meets the pit, Catan started aggressively doing CPR on the lifeless bird. And not for like three seconds, but for a long time. Was it a good idea? Unclear. But did it work? Apparently, the bird is reportedly doing well, recuperating from an injured wing, and congrats to whoever bet$1 ,000 on DraftKings that someone would almost kill a bird during the match. They were, of course, the big winner.

18:17Luke Burbank:A soccer game in Turkey stopped when a bird injured by a flying ball is revived by a caring team captain. Your last timeout tale comes from Nagin Farsad.

18:30Hari Kondabolu:The Basketball League of Manhattan's West Village had its annual playoffs at the West 4th Street courts on Saturday. A team of investment bankers who called themselves the Eyeballers were playing against a team of bodega owners, the Bodunkadunks. Normally, these games are uneventful, just a bunch of middle-aged men acting like they aren't afraid of injury, but nevertheless moving very slowly. But tonight, there was a man in the bleachers rumored to be an NBA scout. So these basketballers of a certain age went hard. In the first 10 minutes, it was an exhilarating game. Onlookers were wowed by their speed and alacrity.

19:13Hari Kondabolu:But on minute 11, Gerald Miliband of JPMorgan Chase gripped his torn ACL and took the bench. By minute 15, Jimmy Torres screamed at a torn meniscus and took the bench. By the end of the first quarter of the 10 players, six of them had serious injuries, including torn ACL, MCL, ruptured Achilles, and hamstrings. In a show of intra-team spirit, however, they did share an ambulance to the hospital. Oh, and turns out that NBA scout was just a guy wearing a suit.

19:48Luke Burbank:All right.

19:55Luke Burbank:So here are your choices. A game stopped somewhere. For what reason? Was it from Hari Kondabolu, a Zamboni self-driving itself, goes berserk and destroys a hockey rink in Minnesota? From Luke Burbank, a soccer game in Turkey is interrupted when a bird is injured and then must be saved? Or from Nagin Farsad, a basketball game in New York City ends when the corporate types trying to impress somebody all manage to destroy their lower bodies? Which of these was the real story of a game that stopped prematurely? We found in the news. I can never guess these right, but maybe the seagull story is the right one.

20:35Luke Burbank:Maybe. Maybe. All right. You're going to choose Luke's story of the seagull. Well, we spoke to someone with some expertise on the real story.

20:46Negin Farsad:Maybe he did save the bird's life. Maybe the bird stopped breathing, and that's what brought it back.

20:52Luke Burbank:That was Dr. Sip Sepperstein. That was Dr. Sip Sipperstein, an exotic pet veterinarian in the Bay Area, on the seagull that was resuscitated in the middle of a game in Turkey. Congratulations. You got it right, Heather. Oh, thank you. You earned a point for Luke, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Oh, wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for playing, Heather. And I guess at this rate, we'll see you next week. Absolutely. Take care. Bye.

21:31Luke Burbank:And now the game where we ask experts about something about which they have no expertise. It's called Not My Job. Jason Benetti grew up in Chicago and in the third grade wrote an essay in which he said he wanted to be the broadcaster for the Chicago White Sox. And he actually got that job in 2016. He must also have dreamed back then about being the national voice of baseball for NBC Sports because he got that job this week. Jason Benetti.

22:03Luke Burbank:Welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. S.A.

22:06Negin Farsad:is a bit of a stretch.

22:07Luke Burbank:S.A. is a bit of a stretch. So obviously this is part of your legend, which I think people here in Chicago know. Maybe now they'll know it across the nation. But it is true that you were in the third grade. White Sox fan, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you said I want to be I want to be Hawk Harrelson the broadcaster for the White Sox

22:23Negin Farsad:I actually did what what people don't know is I wrote 50 of those really one was I'd like to be a district attorney One was I'd like to flip burgers and we just unearthed whichever one I got the job for you really you were You got to be ready for anything in a baseball game exactly

22:42Luke Burbank:You you started broadcasting if I'm not mistaken your high school band competitions, marching band competitions?

22:51Negin Farsad:That's right. If you're listening on the radio, you can't see my stature, but I think like wispy and frail covers it. Yeah. Right. And I, you know, as somebody with a mild case of cerebral palsy, the marching with the tuba that I selected as my instrument was a horrendous idea. Right. So the first band director in middle school made me the drum major. Right. So my job was to keep time with my gate. Right. Which was a terribler idea. Right. So then in high school, they moved that to, we're going to put the tuba on the field and you'll march in place while everybody else goes in planetary orbit around you.

23:32Negin Farsad:That didn't go great either. So the band director said, why don't you go upstairs and announce the band's set? So coming up next, Wheels of a Dream from Ragtime or whatever it was. And it was, the first time I was behind a microphone. So thanks to Bill Jastrow of Homewood Flossmoor High School for all this. There you are.

23:54Luke Burbank:And you eventually got the job with the White Sox. You broadcast them for many years. And you left right before they recorded the worst record in the modern era for a baseball team. You went to the Detroit Tigers. And they... Whoa. Whoa. And they made an amazing... They're saying Luke. Yes. And they made an amazing, unexpected run right to the playoffs that year. It was you, wasn't it? I think just yes.

24:25Negin Farsad:Just yes. They clinched against the White Sox, which is a funny full circle sort of thing.

24:31Luke Burbank:Really?

24:31Negin Farsad:Yeah.

24:31Luke Burbank:I know you had to, like, you spent years on the road, minor league baseball, high school basketball. Do you remember, like, the most obscure sport or game you ever had to broadcast?

24:43Negin Farsad:So a couple of years ago, I got a phone call from somebody here in Chicago, and they said, hey, we're looking for somebody to do play-by-play and post-production from a studio of the National Electricians Championships. I'm sorry, what? Correct. So it had... You were going to call the Neckies?

25:15Luke Burbank:You know, Vin Scully used to call the Neckys without a partner. It was amazing. It's time for frayed wires, Vin used to say. What in the world was the National Electricians Championship?

25:29Negin Farsad:Yeah, yeah. So it was on tape already. So I didn't have the fire. The excitement of life. The zest, the sizzle, I guess. I'm very careful about how I talk about this, though, because when we were in the studio, they said, okay, to start, just go off script. There's a whole script, and my analyst was the electrician from This Old House. Scott Caron was on Bob Vila's This Old House. So we just did one run-through straight ahead through the script. And then the second time, they said, okay, let's do a bunch of ad-libs. So going to the final break, I said, come back with us. We'll crown a champion.

26:07Negin Farsad:Sparks will fly. and I just thought of that off the top of my head wow that's talent you're not gonna believe a guy from the electricians championship group the conglomerate that was staging the show came in and said you can't say that yeah and I said well why he said well that would mean bad craftsmanship and so I said do it again do it again so we we do it again and I say uh coming up next we'll crown of champions, sparks won't fly. And the guy comes walking in again, and this is his job. Right. Yeah. Sure. Come in and tell me what ad libs don't work. Right. And he said, you can't say that either.

26:48Negin Farsad:It's too snarky. And I literally said to the guy, why am I here? If neither of those works, why am I here?

26:55Luke Burbank:One last question. I'm pretty sure, unless something happened at the end of last season, I missed that you have not settled on a signature home run call. I have not. Well, do you feel that now you will be the NBC Sunday night baseball voice of the game that it is time to pick one? I do. And I think we have

27:14Negin Farsad:the perfect panel up here for it. Yes. If they'd care to offer suggestions for a home run call. How about bye-bye ball.

27:24Negin Farsad:In that exact

27:31Negin Farsad:See normal this is why this show is great Normally normally when somebody offers me a home run call they offer me only the language portion But you did the tone I think it makes the motif. Yes, you have to say it like a six-year-old

27:47Luke Burbank:Well, Jason Benetti, it is a pleasure to have you here have you back home in Chicago, but we have asked you here to play our game. We are calling

27:56Negin Farsad:Jason Bonetti.

27:57Luke Burbank:Here's some confetti. We're going to ask you about confetti. That's the word that used to mean little sweets and now means a huge mess. Answer two to three questions correctly. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Jason Bonetti playing for? Tim Hudson of Washington, D.C. All right. Here's your first question. One of the biggest confetti drops each year is in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and more than 3 ,000 pounds of confetti is dispersed all over. But that can sometimes lead to what problem? A, the confetti cannons are so big they can trigger an earthquake warning in the area.

28:33Luke Burbank:B, the confetti explosions can spook thousands of pigeons all at once, leading to a giant shower of bird poop on the revelers. Or C, sometimes after the event, many people are suffering from a medical condition called confetti arm. You were vague enough that I think confetti arm is real. That's true. It is real because you see, there are no confetti cannons or dispensers. All the confetti thrown into Times Square is thrown by hand, all 3 ,000 pounds of it. And the man in charge says the repetitive motion of throwing the confetti can lead to, quote, confetti arm. All right, here's your next question.

29:12Luke Burbank:Confetti can be made of a lot of things, paper, plastic, even sometimes gold, but parade goers at the 2012 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade were surprised when they found out that the confetti that day was made of what? A, newspaper ads for Walmart, B, shredded police documents, some of which included the names of undercover police officers, or C, slices of turkey.

29:39Negin Farsad:So when I was in the minors Yes My broadcast partner was Kevin Brown of the Baltimore Orioles He's a TV announcer in Major League Baseball as well We would drive to games and listen to Wait Wait Right And quite often we would say, I hope it's B Right And so I get to on the show say, I hope it's B

29:57Luke Burbank:It was B Yes Yes

30:03Luke Burbank:apparently someone looked at a confetti piece of confetti stuck to a friend's coat and says why does that confetti have someone's social security number on it all right you've a chance for a perfect game confetti cannons are a popular feature at shows and concerts not in time square but the band bad omens stopped using theirs after a show in melbourne australia where what happened a the cannons suffered a glitch where instead of going off at the end of a song they fired off randomly all night. B, when the cannons went off, the confetti knocked a bunch of ceiling tiles loose, which fell on the audience's heads.

30:35Luke Burbank:Or C, someone stuck a balloon in the barrel, causing the cannon to explode.

30:40Negin Farsad:I'm going to say that it was A, and it was firing all night.

30:44Luke Burbank:No, I'm afraid it was actually B again. I hope it's B. Yeah, Kevin out there was shouting, I hope it's B. It was B. The next night, after the tile incident, the lead singer of the band said from the stage, quote, a moment of silence for the victims of the ceiling panels. Not a joke. Shut up. I heard they're all here tonight. Everyone that was hit by the ceiling tile, if you were, where are my tile guys at?

31:12Negin Farsad:What do you expect from a band called Bad Omen? It's true, yeah. They're not called Good Diplomacy. That's right.

31:18Luke Burbank:Bill, how did Jason Bonetti do in our quiz?

31:20Negin Farsad:Two hits out of three. Put you on base. You're a winner. There you are.

31:28Luke Burbank:Jason Benetti is a sportscaster in the new voice of Sunday Night Baseball on NBC. You can hear him all this season. Jason Benetti, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

31:48Luke Burbank:In just a minute, Bill has a new dessert for you to try and immediately regret in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

32:26interview screenings, hiring pros saves hirers up to six hours a week. Hire right the first time. Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash NPR. Terms and conditions apply. This message comes from Betterment. You know when you sell a stock or any investing asset and start to feel the dread of getting a surprise tax bill? Betterment's tax impact preview tool shows you the estimated tax impact of the sale, so you can make informed, tax-smart investing decisions. Get started today at BetterMint.com. Investing involves risk, performance not guaranteed. BetterMint is not a tax advisor, nor should any information herein be considered tax advice.

33:07Please consult a qualified tax professional. This message comes from Mint Mobile. If you're tired of spending hundreds on big wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash switch. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This message comes from WTTW. Join Jeffrey Baer as he tells the story of how railroads shaped Chicago. Riding the Rails with Jeffrey Baer premieres April 13th at 7 p.m. on WTTW.

33:45Negin Farsad:From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News. quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Hari Kondabolu, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

34:08Luke Burbank:Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, we fulfill our enforced limerick quota. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. For right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Nagin, according to New York Magazine, more and more parents are worried about whether or not who likes them.

34:29Hari Kondabolu:More and more parents are what? Oh, if their own children like them.

34:33Luke Burbank:Not their own children. Oh, I worry about that. That's a lost cause, Nagin.

34:36Hari Kondabolu:Okay, sorry, yeah. Other school parents.

34:42Luke Burbank:Not the parents.

34:43Hari Kondabolu:The principal. Not the principal. The teacher. No, it's not the...

34:50Luke Burbank:Let me give you a hint. Let me give you a hint.

34:51Hari Kondabolu:The building? No. What do we say here, Peter?

34:55Luke Burbank:I'll give you a hint. You're like, oh, go. No, you have to wear something nicer than that. Henry's coming over for a play date.

35:00Hari Kondabolu:Oh, the friends of your kids?

35:03Luke Burbank:Yes, your kids' friends. Apparently, this is a big anxiety. According to The Cut, that's a section of New York Magazine, it's normal to worry your kids' friends are judging you, because they are. There's nothing you can do about it. If you try too hard, you're like the mom from Mean Girls. You don't try at all, and they're like, what the hell, no snacks, lady?

35:23Hari Kondabolu:Can I just say in response to the cut, I'll give a f*** what those kids think of me. Really? My daughter's friends, they should be so lucky to have me in the room. Come on. Also, don't flatter yourselves. I don't want to be around you guys at all. Go play.

35:44Luke Burbank:Really?

35:45Hari Kondabolu:Yeah. Yeah, what? I mean, we're all parents here.

35:51Luke Burbank:You have a daughter from right, right? Yes. And you don't send your daughter's friends home. They get picked up. They go home. And you don't think to yourself, she's going to go home and compare me to her mom. And I'm going to look pretty good.

36:03Negin Farsad:And I will spend as much money at this Red Robin as I have to to prove that.

36:09Hari Kondabolu:This is so you're, yeah. So like I'm basically mugging the other moms.

36:16Luke Burbank:Yeah.

36:17Hari Kondabolu:No, I don't. I just mostly am like, I don't want there to be any injuries or anything like that. So there's like a report of like, this mom let an injury happen. So that's like mostly, that's it. That's all I like. That's it.

36:29Luke Burbank:Just as long as there are no felonies. Yeah.

36:32Hari Kondabolu:And like, I don't want them to be like, I'm hungry because they didn't feed us. Like, that's it. Yeah. Those are the two things. Right. Basic needs.

36:38Negin Farsad:What would impress a five-year-old? Like, what, a bluey T-shirt and some shorts? Like, what is a five-year-old looking for an adult to look like? And what kind of uncool adult would that make you? You know what I mean? In order to appeal to a young kid, whatever their sensibility is, when the other adults see you, they'll be like, is this person okay? Right, right. It's also a little creepy. Like, why are you dressed like a child? Yeah.

37:00Hari Kondabolu:But, and also, like, why are you even trying to spend time with us? Like, we're going to play now. You go.

37:07Luke Burbank:Yes. Leave now.

37:08Hari Kondabolu:Yeah.

37:09Luke Burbank:Luke, the CEO of McDonald's put out a video of himself trying their brand new burger, the Big Arch Burger. The video went viral because of the way the CEO did what?

37:20Negin Farsad:Appeared to have literally never eaten a McDonald's burger in his life. That's right.

37:26Luke Burbank:Specifically because of his, the tiny, tiny bite he took. Chris Kempzinski is the CEO of McDonald's, and he introduced their new Big Arch Burger by posting a video of himself with one. And after describing how great it was, he lifts it to his mouth and kind of pecks it, right? It's not clear he actually makes contact with it with his teeth. It's like the air kiss of eating.

37:51Hari Kondabolu:Like, did no one ever notice that the CEO lacked the fundamental burger charisma required for the job?

37:59Negin Farsad:I wonder if they told him to take a bigger bite and off camera, he's like, I'm not going to eat this crap. Are you kidding me? Do you know what's in here?

38:23Luke Burbank:Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. You can also catch us on the road. We'll be in Savannah, Georgia, home of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and one night, us, March 26th. We will also be in San Diego on April 30th. For tickets and more information to all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

38:56Luke Burbank:Hi, Peter. This is Eli calling from Royal Oak, Michigan. Well, hello, Eli. Eli, we apparently have some royal okers. What do you do there?

39:03Negin Farsad:I am a new-ish lawyer practicing corporate litigation.

39:07Luke Burbank:Corporate litigation.

39:09Negin Farsad:Yeah, I know.

39:16Negin Farsad:Dry your tears, Eli, with thousands of dollars. It doesn't hurt.

39:21Luke Burbank:Well, welcome to the show, Eli. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

39:32Negin Farsad:The flow of this drink we must stanch, because the thought of its taste makes me blanch. They think Hidden Valley is right up my alley. It's a milkshake that tastes just like... Ranch?

39:48Luke Burbank:Ranch, yes. The Great Wolf Lodge chain of water park resorts recently announced the new ranch-flavored milkshake because people were not pooping enough in their pools. The treat, if you will, is made with ice cream, ranch seasoning, and is topped with carrots, celery, chicken nuggets, and whipped cream. The head chef at Great Wolf Lodge developed it through a process called throwing random things into a blender till the ache in his heart went away.

40:22Negin Farsad:If you've been inside a Great Wolf Lodge, it is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. But just as is, let alone this ranch dressing situation. And like you said, the fact that it's a bunch of pools and water slides indoors with adults who have been served alcohol and their children who they haven't seen for hours. Yes. This is a terrible idea. Wait, there's water slides in the lodge? Yes. That's what it's all about.

40:47Luke Burbank:That's what it is. That's why it's called Great Wolf Lodge. You know, water slides.

40:51Hari Kondabolu:Right?

40:52Luke Burbank:Good point.

40:55Negin Farsad:Legally, we can't describe them as water slides.

40:59Luke Burbank:All right, here's your next limerick.

41:01Negin Farsad:In our family tree, chimps aren't distal, though they cannot make pancakes or whistle, but they open their hearts to the aura of quartz. Chimpanzees feel the power of... Crystal?

41:18Luke Burbank:Crystal, yes. It turns out that humans are not the only primates who are suckers for new age crap. A scientist at a chimp sanctuary offered chimps a quartz crystal and a plain rock of the same size. And in multiple trials, the chimps grabbed the crystal and let the rock sit there. The joke is on them, under the rock was a coupon for a thousand bananas. God, so they're as shallow as we are. Apparently, yeah. That's amazing. In fact, the chimps might actually have a better appreciation for crystals than humans do because the chimps at least haven't tried to use them as deodorant. That's a thing?

41:53Luke Burbank:It is.

41:54Hari Kondabolu:Oh my God, I've used that deodorant.

41:57Negin Farsad:We know.

42:04Hari Kondabolu:It's like the only thing about me that I don't use it all the time. I'm not going to defend myself to you guys. Okay, I'm going to stop right there.

42:16Luke Burbank:Here is your last limerick.

42:20Negin Farsad:they said teacup but he grew real big he porked out that's the truth not a dig now like charlotte i know that they eat and they grow no such thing as a wee little egg pig yes wow vets are begging

42:41Luke Burbank:people to stop buying what pet stores are calling teacup pigs for the reason that there is no such thing as a teacup pig. It's just a baby pig and he's about to get a lot bigger. When one vet was asked about teacup pigs, she said, quote, that's not a thing. People are getting disappointed when those adorable little piglets they thought would stay that way grow up to be the size of a top loading freezer.

43:10Hari Kondabolu:You know, I live in the East Village of New York City, and there was a guy who walked his pig around the neighborhood. Of course there was. And I, in recent months, I have not seen that guy. And I wonder, is that, is the pet bacon now? You know what I mean? You gotta wonder.

43:27Luke Burbank:You gotta do, yeah. Is it hunting season? If you really want, like, a little itty pig, just get a guinea pig with, like, alopecia.

43:35Negin Farsad:Bill, how did Eli do in our quiz? three correct answers prove that Eli, you can do better than corporate law.

43:45Negin Farsad:Eli, congratulations and thanks for calling. Thank you.

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44:50Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash switch. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This message comes from WTTW. Join Jeffrey Baer as he tells the story of how railroads shaped Chicago. Riding the Rails with Jeffrey Baer premieres April 13th at 7 p.m. on WTTW. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Rivian, makers of the all-electric three-row R1S SUV and the always capable R1T pickup. With impressive range, storage for any expedition, and technology that feels like second nature, Rivian vehicles are designed for those who seek to explore the planet and preserve it for generations to come.

45:32Learn more or schedule a demo drive at Rivian.com.

45:36Luke Burbank:Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

45:47Negin Farsad:Harry and Luke each have three.

45:48Luke Burbank:Nagin has two. Okay, so that means... That means Nagin, you are in second place. So you are up first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei's son was named the leading candidate to become blank's next supreme leader.

46:07Hari Kondabolu:Iran.

46:08Luke Burbank:Right. For the first time since her mom's disappearance, blank returned to the Today Show.

46:12Hari Kondabolu:Savannah Guthrie.

46:13Luke Burbank:Right. This week, a woman in California filed suit against Meta, claiming that blank is knowingly addictive.

46:20Hari Kondabolu:AI. Social media.

46:22Luke Burbank:Social media. Instagram in this case. According to new data, the average blank account grew by 11 % in 2025.

46:28Hari Kondabolu:Bank account?

46:29Luke Burbank:No, in this case, retirement account, a 401k. This week, customers of a supermarket in Australia have complained that the store's new AI customer service chatbot will not stop blanking.

46:40Hari Kondabolu:Flirting with them.

46:41Luke Burbank:No, the chatbot will not stop complaining about its mother, which it does not have because it is a chatbot. According to a new study, blank medications may indeed help fight addictions.

46:54Hari Kondabolu:Uh, GLP-1s.

46:55Luke Burbank:Right. On Tuesday, a total lunar eclipse led to 2026's first blank moon.

47:01Hari Kondabolu:Red moon.

47:02Luke Burbank:Yeah, or the blood moon. A man walking to work in Brazil was being attacked by two wild dogs when he was saved by blank.

47:10Hari Kondabolu:A really nice wild dog.

47:13Luke Burbank:No, he was saved by his phone, which exploded. One of the dogs tried to bite the man, but instead bit his phone, which was in his pocket. The phone exploded, scared off the dogs. It's amazing to think if this guy had a better phone, he could have been killed. And people say there's no reason to get Boost Mobile. Bill, how did Nagin do in our quiz?

47:36Negin Farsad:Coming from behind. She got five right, 10 more points. Total to 12 puts her in the lead. All right.

47:45Luke Burbank:Hurry, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, James Tallarico won the closely watched Democratic primary for Senate in blank. Texas. Right. Citing overwhelmingly negative public feedback, a meeting to approve Trump's renovations to the blank was delayed. Ballroom. Yeah. The White House. This week, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick agreed to testify before the congressional panel investigating the blank files. Epstein files. Right. Following their feud with the White House, AI chatbot blank became the most popular iPhone app. Anthropologic. I'm going to give it to you. The company is Anthropic.

48:16Luke Burbank:Their product is Claude. Shoppers at an antique store in upstate New York made an incredibly rare find on the shelf, a blank.

48:27Luke Burbank:A Dead Sea Scroll. No, a live sleeping owl. Just hanging out there. On Monday, Apple announced a new cheaper version of the blank. iPhone. And the MacBook, right. On Thursday, Popstar Blank was arrested for driving under the influence. Britney Spears. Yes. This week, a man hoping to get better at chess created his own custom board that blanks him when he makes a wrong move. Shocks him. Yes. What?

48:57Luke Burbank:The creator of this electrified chess board was tired of losing matches to the chess hustlers at Union Square in New York City, and after a year of shocking himself, we were thrilled to report that he's still losing to the chess hustlers in Union Square. It's not a total loss, though. Sure, he hasn't mastered chess after being shocked all those times, but at least he's no longer barking at strangers.

49:19Luke Burbank:Bill, how did Hari do in our quiz? Seven, right. 14 more points. Total of 17 puts him in the lead. All right, then how many does Luke need to win? Seven to tie, eight to win. Here we go, Luke. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Senate rejected a resolution that would limit blank's war powers.

49:41Negin Farsad:The president's.

49:42Luke Burbank:Right, Donald Trump. On Tuesday, the White House announced a plan to help lower residential blank costs. Mortgage costs. Electricity costs this time. This week, Colorado declared their first blank outbreak of 2026. Measles. Right. On Wednesday, a federal judge ruled that companies who paid for Trump's blanks are owed refunds. Tariffs. Right. According to a new article, tech firms around the country are trying to increase productivity by stocking offices with free blank. Cots. No, tobacco. after receiving some complaints, the theater in London putting on a kid-friendly Peppa Pig show says they will no longer serve blank at their snack bar.

50:19Luke Burbank:Tea cup pigs. I'm going to give it to you. The answer is bacon. Woo! All right, in retrospect, yes, it was kind of weird that kids would watch a show about Peppa Pig and Mommy Pig and then go out in the lobby and eat Cousin Pig. But granted, of course, this wouldn't have been the first time kids were faced with this particular problem. Think of all those little Arthur fans. The first time they were served an Artvark sandwich. Bill, did Luke do well enough to win?

50:51Negin Farsad:He did well. Four right, eight more points, but his total of 11. Falls to Harry's 17.

51:03Luke Burbank:Coming up, our panelists predict, well, after Luke's maxing, what'll be the next big internet beauty trend. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with the Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Thanks to the staff and crew always at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Normboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mohanad El-Sheehy, Monica Hickey, and Travis Hagan. Our prank maxer is Peter Gwynn.

51:34Luke Burbank:Our visual host is Emma Choi. technical directionist from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chulagin. The executive producer of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what would be the next big internet beauty trend? Nagin Farsad.

51:51Hari Kondabolu:Feet maxing. Bunions are cool, so you can now get them surgically added to your feet.

51:59Negin Farsad:Hari Kandabolu. Brain smashing. It's time to get rid of some excess brain cells. Luke Burbank Luke's snacksing where I make a bunch of snacks and I look at the internet to try to figure out what the hell people are doing to their faces Well if any of that happens panel we're going to ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me

52:20Luke Burbank:Thank you Bill Curtis, thanks also to Nagin Farsad Luke Burbank and Harry Kondabolu thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Student Bakker Theatre in downtown Chicago thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be I'm Peter Sagal, we'll see you next week

52:42Luke Burbank:This is NPR.

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