WWDTM: GWAR

0:01NPR's podcast, Trump's Terms, is your source for same-day updates on big news about the Trump administration. Short, focused episodes, one topic at a time, about five minutes or so. We carry out reporting from across all of NPR's coverage, so you are always getting the biggest, most urgent stories. Listen to Trump's terms on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.

0:27From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR news quiz. Put on your winter boots, because I'm the voice so smooth, you might slip. Filling in for Bill Curtis, I'm Chioki Ianson, and here is your host at the Altria Theatre in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody. We are so delighted to be back in Richmond with the true mayor of this city, Chioki Ianson, filling in just one more time for Bill Curtis. Now, later on, we're going to be talking to two members of the shock metal band GWAR, famed for their costumes and their stunts and their headbanging music.

1:13Now, the band was formed by art students and musicians right here in Richmond 40 years ago, meaning this band has gone all the way from having dads yell, why are you kids listening to that noise, to dads yelling, hey, kids, listen to this noise. But first, we want to hear what you're playing, whatever it might be. Give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. My name is Nick Fish, and I'm calling in from Philadelphia. Nick Fish. Nick Fish. That's it. Not Nick the Fish, who'd be kind of like a notorious gangster, but just Nick Fish.

1:56That'd be Jersey. Exactly. Nick the Fish. Well, welcome to the show, Nick. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian who'll be bringing his cocktail hour comedy show, Shaking with Laughter, to the Kansas City Irish Center in Kansas City, Missouri. On February 20th, that's Adam Burke. Hi, Nick. Hey, Adam. Next, he's a comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation. It's Nagin Farsad. Yeah, all right. And the Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian and host of the new Nat Geo show, What X Does to Your Body. It's Alzo Slade. What's up, Luke? Hey, Alzo. You're going to play Hugh Chioke this time.

2:38Chioke I. Anson of Richmond, Virginia.

2:45He's going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Let's do it. All right. Here is your first quote. So, about that asteroid. That was a headline of the Atlantic on the news that a giant asteroid out in space now even has a better chance of doing what? Would that be hitting Earth? Yes, hitting Earth. Updated calculations from NASA say that the asteroid flying by Earth in 2032, that is going to happen, well, it now has a 1 in 43 chance of hitting Earth.

3:24Just last week, we were told the asteroid only had a 1 in 100 chance. So whoever just started having an affair, God saw you. Now, NASA is referring to it as a potential, quote, city killer. A city killer. That really freaked people out. But then everybody said, wait, which city? I think the asteroid needs to chill, bro. We don't have time for this. We got enough problems going on on Earth. Or we need to get Bruce Willis and his homies to jump on that thing and bust it up. Or we just need another round of tariffs, but this time on the asteroid. That'll keep it away. They do everything. They do everything.

4:13Now, even though they can calculate whether or not it will hit Earth within some degree of specificity, there's no way of knowing where the asteroid might hit. But you know, you know it's going to be Greenland right after we buy it. I know, just when you drive a country out of the... The asteroid, that's it. Well, fortunately, I've been practicing a video game since 1982.

4:41All right. Your next quote is from a headline in the New York Times that was kind of worried about a big news story this week. What becomes of penny loafers? They were worried about a new presidential order to get rid of what? The penny? Yes, the penny! President Donald Trump announced he will be ordering the U.S. Treasury to stop minting pennies. Big surprise, he's getting rid of the only coin of color.

5:18Yeah, he really doesn't like brown faces even when it's Lincoln. No, it's true. The problem was Lincoln emancipated the enslaved. That's the big deal. And one brown penny, that's a DEI coin. Yeah, exactly. That's the only reason it got in your pocket, I'm sure. Trump did this the same week that he announced he was also getting rid of paper straws, which also everybody hates. This feels like a win-win, but then Trump also announced that from now on all straws will be made of melted pennies Nobody knows I mean he's been so sort of impulsive nobody knows exactly why he came up with this He might just be governing based on what he finds in his pocket That's why he also just declared war on chapstick and lint I don't think Trump has chapstick in his pocket.

6:08His lips are always ashy

6:12When we get rid of pennies, what are we going to put on corpses' eyes? Or do they take Bitcoin and Hades now? Yeah, you can't put a Bitcoin on a railroad track. You've got a smooshed one. That's not going to work. And you just know we're never going to get that Harriet Tubman 20. Just give it up. All right, very good. Here is your last quote. I thought the officer was joking. Then she pulled out her notebook and fined me. Now, that was a man in France. and he was the first of what we hope will be many people around the world to get fined for doing what in public? I have no idea. Can I get a hint?

6:52Well, it's an obscure story, but I think you'll find it a welcome one. He could have avoided the fine if he had just spent the money for headphones. Oh, listening to music on the subway or in public? Close enough, yeah. Using his phone on speaker in public at full volume. Prison. It is now illegal in France. Finally, a judge has ruled in the case of me versus literally everyone else on this podcast. This man was fined about$200 for talking to his sister at full volume in a crowded train station. And if$200 doesn't seem like the right punishment, remember France no longer has the death penalty.

7:38I'm surprised the French went for this because I've seen Les Miserables and they love just standing around yelling their soliloquies at each other. Can I defend this guy for a second? No, no, no, no. No, I'm just saying that it is a slippery slope because once we let all these things be fine, and we're just letting big etiquette take over and dictate everything we do. I'm okay with it. And the next on the list is the people who do the Bluetooth. Like, they're just talking into air. Yeah. Can I say, big etiquette sounds like a French gangster. Big etiquette? Yeah. I could whoop his ass. He just kicks into a room and goes, forks go on the left.

8:28And not only, I got to say, not only is this rude to the people who happen to be around you, it's actually unfair to the people you're talking to. Like, so you say, like, Helen, I'm really sorry you have chlamydia. That's tough. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you you're on speaker and I'm in church. or it could be the inverse where the person on speaker is telling you that you have chlamydia I don't know that we need a law for this I mean the asteroid is coming here and the asteroid has a point it's really true Jokey, how did Nick do in our quiz? Nick the fish got all three right all right Nick, yes congratulations Nick you have made Philly proud Thanks so much, Peter.

9:17Good to talk to you. Take care. Bye-bye.

9:22Panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, thanks to a new technology, more and more couples are discussing whether or not it would be permissible for one of them to do what? Is it the hall pass thing? It is a hall pass, but not with another person. Oh, is this a bangin' robots thing? Yes, it is a bangin' robots thing. Because you can't spell laid without AI. That's true. Yes, more and more couples are sort of getting, you know, getting prepared for when the time comes when you can do this, if it would be okay for their partner to cheat with a robot. According to a survey that seemed to be exclusively offered to complete freaks, one out of four Sure people say they would be okay with their partner cheating with a robot, but if, and only if, and I swear to you this is true, if the robot's appearance was based on them.

10:26What? The person being cheated on, right? What does... I would be so jealous. I'd be like, you're coming home smelling like titanium? No, thank you. Is that motor oil on your collar? And how do you first suspect? Does the electricity bill look really high? It is so weird that that is the condition under which it would be okay. It's like, oh, my spouse prefers intimacy with a machine. That's humiliating. Wait, it's also balding with a spare tire? Now it's validating. Wait, so this is laziness. This is like, I don't want to have sex with you. Let the robot do it. Yeah. It's basically me. I mean it kind of makes sense like to just have an understudy I guess What what you know like in theater you have an understudy if you can't perform And in this situation the robot is your understudy What is what is what yeah, but what if it's like that thing in those old movies where the understudy is better?

11:26Oh, yeah, yeah, it becomes the story. It's like all about ease But you have to practice safe sex with a robot you do firewalls Oh, yeah. You're like, honey, it's not that kind of virus, I swear. It's just rust.

11:46Coming up, as Ben Franklin said,$1.2 million saved is$1.2 million earned. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY, and we'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter Sagal. Before we get back to the show, I wanted to tell you about a special bonus episode we're working on, one in which we turn the tables, in which the questioner is questioned. That's right. We need your questions for me. I'm doing an AMA, you know, like ask me anything. You can ask me about, let me check the rules here. Oh yeah, anything. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT and leave us your question.

12:23Again, that's 1-888-924-8924. We'll pick the best ones and I will answer them in an upcoming bonus episode. So if you want to hear it, make sure you're signed up for NPR+. If you're not, just head over to plus.npr.org and fix that quick.

12:46From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Alzo Slade, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody.

13:10Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air, or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Will from Boston, Massachusetts. Hey, I love Boston. What do you do there, Will? So I work as a coordinator for the Visual and Performing Arts Department of a local school district. That's really good work. I really appreciate it. What do you do to enjoy yourself? I like to ride bikes when it's not cold and slushy outside like it is today. Right.

13:42So that's two or three days of great riding in Boston. Well, welcome to the show, Will. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Joki, what is Will's topic? $1.2 million saved. Everybody would love to save an extra$1.2 million, but act fast. Your opportunity to get it as 120 million pennies is fast running out. Our panelists are going to tell you about it, someone who was able to save$1.2 million in a unique way. Pick the one who's telling the truth and win the wait waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to go? I'm ready. All right, first let's hear from Nageen Farsad.

14:19Hollis Benton is a third generation oil tycoon from Lockhart, Texas, which means he didn't have to prospect land, but he did get a few years after college to discover his passion for DJing in Ibiza. Eventually, he moved back home to be his family's overseer of oil money, and that's when he met Bridget Calhoun. She was a real charmer, getting her PhD in antiquities, and he fell hard. To impress her, he would buy concert tickets, Michelin-starred meals, a straight-up yacht in a landlocked town, but never mind. One time, they took her nephew to a water park, and she said, this is fun. Well, that was all the encouragement he needed because he immediately hired a water park architect to transform his backyard into a$1.2 million splash-a-terium complete with lazy river and wave pool.

15:10Only thing is that water park architect turned out to be a real dream boat. She ended up leaving Hollis Benton and all his wealth. On the upside, he saved money, proving the old adage, if you have to spend$1.2 million on a water park to impress your boo, she's probably not the one. A tycoon saves$1.2 million when he doesn't have to build a water park for his boo. Your next deep discount comes from Adam Burke. Nature conservation can be a slow process, what with the red tape, bureaucracy, and complaints from trees that never consented to being hugged in the first place. Take the Czech Republic, for example, where government officials were poised to act on a plan seven years in the making to build a$1.2 million dam designed to help preserve a protected wetlands area.

16:02Construction on the dam was just about to begin when it was suddenly and unexpectedly derailed by the fact that a bunch of beavers had gone ahead and built a far better dam the weekend before. Not only that, they'd used nothing but locally sourced, sustainable and renewable materials, all at no cost to the taxpayer. While farmers often decry beavers as a destructive nuisance, felling trees and creating toothy mayhem, these particular rodents seem to have filled out all of the required permits and permissions, building as they did far from any inhabited farm. We get it, beavers, you're better than us.

16:42beavers save a town in the czech republic 1.2 million dollars by building a dam before they could get around to it your last story on sale comes from alzo slade henry jackson the ceo of a graphic design company in tempe arizona thought he was doing his sister a favor by hiring his nephew rob phillips to work in the it department as a low-level intern he just graduated from a vocational IT school thinking he's going to be the next Steve Jobs, to the extent that he requested people address him as Rob Jobs. The very first task assigned to Rob was just to renew the company's various software subscriptions.

17:17Instead, he canceled all of them permanently and had no idea how to undo it. In a panic, he realized he could take advantage of the various companies' free trial offers, But for each, he'd have to open a new account. So, quote, Bilbo J. Baggins gets two weeks of AutoCAD. And Dr. Mundo, a champion from the video game League of Legends, got 50 % off of scheduling software by using the code WAITWAIT at checkout. The next Monday, he got called into his uncle's office where, instead of being fired, he was praised for saving the company$1.2 million by getting all of that software for free. He doesn't know what he'll do when the free trials start to expire in two weeks and Bilbo Baggins gets a bill.

18:00But like his idol Mr. Jobs, he just plans to think different. All right. Somebody saved$1.2 million. Was it from Nagin Farsad, an oil tycoon who ended up not having to build that water park in his backyard when the designer ran off with his lady friend? from Adam Burke, a Czech town that didn't have to build that dam because the Beavers did it for them, or from Alzo Slade, a bad IT guy manages to cancel all the software subscriptions for his company, but the free trials save them$1.2 million. Which one is the real story of big savings? I think I'm going to go with Adam's story about the Beavers.

18:43That would be Adam Burke. Something appeals to you. You think that the story, I'm sorry, you think that the story about the beavers is the tooth. All right. A whole tooth. Well, to bring you the correct answer, here's somebody who could speak to that real story. Environmental experts confirmed that the work was actually better than their original plans, noting that beavers always know best. That was TikToker at that good news girl. talking about the real story about how Beavers did it best in the Czech Republic. Congratulations, Will. You got it right. You earned a point for Adam. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail.

19:25Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Will. Take care. Yeah, yeah. Back in building, gotta get it. Yeah, we on the move. Back in building, gotta get it. Yeah, we on the move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another game we call Not My Job. In 1984, a group of musicians and art students at Virginia Commonwealth University started a new band, kind of as a joke, with players in elaborate costumes and even more elaborate fictional backstories. Forty years later, GWAR is still going strong, playing over-the-top bloody stage shows around the world. They're still based in Richmond, and members Mike Bishop and Mike Dirks join us now.

20:12Dirksen Bishop of GWAR, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Good to be here.

20:22Now, for anyone, I mean, it's been 40 years, so everybody should know who you are, but for the few people who don't, can you describe what GWAR is? Because it is absolutely like nothing else I've ever seen or heard. It's a theatrical shock rock, shock heavy metal band that is very performative on stage, and we are satirical, funny, theatrical show that involves a lot of costuming and set pieces and phony executions. Oh, that old saw. Quite literally. They use a saw sometimes. We're also from outer space, though. We have a little narrative. Gore is a band of extraterrestrial war gods that has been banished to the planet Earth for all the crimes they committed in outer space.

21:07And do you remember the original name of the band? It was... But that didn't fit on the marquee. I see. So just a... And you two were right there in the beginning. And when you joined the band, did you pick your own characters? I inherited mine. I am Balzac, the Jaws of Death. Balzac, the Jaws of Death. And I was the third Jaws of Death. There had been a couple incarnations because the first few shows that Gwore played, it was just a collective of whatever artists and musicians they could grab from VCU and the surrounding areas to throw in these costumes and do a show. I love how folksy that sounds.

21:52You know, like, my father is Mr. Balzac. You call me Balzac. But his grandfather was the jaws of death and his grandfather before me. And Bishop, who are you on stage? So originally, I was Beefcake the Mighty, who was the bass player. Beefcake has some fans here. Yeah, and I did create the character along with Don Draculich, who's one of the artists in the band. You know, just sort of developed it over time. Now I am the singer following the passing of the original lead singer, Dave Brockie, who everybody knows. And I came back, and now I play the berserker Blothar. The berserker Blothar. That's right.

22:38And for people who haven't seen it, these costumes you wear are not just, I mean, like the guys from Kiss, for example, are just amateurs when it comes to you guys. You've got like enormous headpieces and huge full-body costumes that often have, shall we say, over-the-top anatomy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think you guys should show up in those costumes to one of the Civil War reenactments. See what they think. And one of the things that I find fascinating is you guys usually don't do any appearances not in costume. And you're not in costume right now. Yes, that's right. And how does it feel? It's really odd.

23:18We usually have the characters to put on and to hide behind. And so we always know how to behave. We never really had to just be ourselves. Right. I mean, don't we all do that? Ultimately. Yeah, even if we don't have enormous fleshy protuberances. It's something we all deal with. This is not your first time in NPR, because famously, Guar did a Tiny Desk concert. This is true.

23:47And you are, I'm not an absolute expert, but I do believe you were the first musicians ever to play a song at Tiny Desk called Sex Cow. Yeah, probably. I mean, Regina Spector tried, but she just didn't have jobs. By the way, I recommend everybody watch this. When you walked into NPR headquarters in the full war regalia, what was the reaction from our colleagues there? It was enthusiastic. No, they made us go around the whole studios, and I think Michael was on... What were they recording? Yeah, they were kind of using us to scare their... Wait a minute, what do you mean? It'd be like, hey, Scott Simon, could you step out of the office just for a second?

24:36Yeah, yeah. Sylvia. I love the thought of someone showing up to NPR for the first day seeing you guys. I'm like, man, Ira Glass does not look how he's done. What's amazing is in the Tiny Desk concert, your character, Blothar, the berserker, proclaims his incredible enthusiasm for Terry Gross. Oh, yeah. Who doesn't have a driveway moment? Right. And you, Guar, very popular in Richmond, of course, and you even have a Guar bar. We do. The people have been to. For fans. And, Dierks, you work there sometimes, right? I do. I bartend, and I'm one of the managers there. Right. And do people ever come in, I presume they're GWAR fans, do they recognize you?