A Cliché With a Company Laptop

5:16Graham Norton:So his bag might hang around for longer.

5:18Maria McErlane:Yes, the scrotal area is not pretty. But also when he does this... No, true. But at least when it's kind of got things in it, it's acceptable, I feel. It's just acceptable. Okay.

5:31Graham Norton:Two items or less.

5:34Maria McErlane:Yes, you wouldn't want to do a weekly shop in that one. But when he cocks his... Be nice evening purse. Lipstick and a small phone. I might talk to the vet about that. When he cocks his leg, the little empty scrotal sack bangs on him and he stops weeing. So he's not been weeing because of, you know, something in the bagging area.

5:57Graham Norton:Something not in the bagging area. Help is on the way.

6:02Maria McErlane:But I really wish I'd sent him away to do all that and not gone away on holiday myself because it's quite tedious.

6:07Graham Norton:No, because I think you posted something about it and I was wondering why because, yeah, he's three. But, yeah, that's weird that he turned. I mean, that's a good plot for like a Stephen King something, you know, like a vampire dog.

6:20Maria McErlane:A vampire little, yes. But no, I wouldn't have done it, but I did think it would stop him barking and being quite so territorial. No. Well, I mean, it takes a while for testosterone to get out of your body, I'm told.

6:32Graham Norton:It does, yeah.

6:33Maria McErlane:But at the moment, still barking.

6:37Graham Norton:And also, I think at three, so much that's a learned behavior now. Oh, so is it too late? Well, I don't know. What do I know?

6:44Maria McErlane:Okay, so voice box next then.

6:46Graham Norton:Yeah, that's right. Or full head removal.

6:49Maria McErlane:He'd look even smaller. It's so hard.

6:52Graham Norton:You won't wear a cone then. No.

6:54Maria McErlane:No cone of shame for you. Will you be getting your dog done?

6:58Graham Norton:I suppose so. I mean, the last time I was in this position, they recommended, oh, you could do it anytime, like five months, six months, whatever. I waited until nine months. Now they say after two. Or 18 months, I think they say.

7:13Maria McErlane:Because the hormones that you're taking away are necessary for bone growth and all of that stuff. But it changes all the time, doesn't it?

7:20Graham Norton:Doesn't it, though?

7:21Maria McErlane:Doesn't it, though? Yes.

7:22Graham Norton:Have we talked about Maria's dog's bollocks enough now?

7:25Maria McErlane:I have them here.

7:29Graham Norton:I think so. I wonder if that'll be the last mention of dog testicles on this episode.

7:33Maria McErlane:You can never tell, Graham.

7:35Graham Norton:We're about to find out. Our first problem is on the way. Did you know about one in three people with plaque psoriasis may also develop psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness and swelling? Does this sound like you? Listen to what it sounds like to be a million miles away.

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9:11Graham Norton:Maria, Maria, how do wangers get these episodes as soon as they drop?

9:15Maria McErlane:Oh, well, you see, Graham, you can tap follow on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube or your podcast app of choice. Totally free. Plus on Spotify, you can tap the little bell icon and then you get notified when a new episode drops.

9:32Graham Norton:They really have thought of everything. What a world, Maria.

9:34Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.

9:36Graham Norton:Right, Maria, problem number one. Yes, good old cough. Clear it up. Clear it up. Go on.

9:40Maria McErlane:I thought I had time to get a cough in there. No, no, no.

9:43Graham Norton:We're racing forward today, Graham Look at this, it's our first letter Okay

9:48Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria and fellow wangers I hope you can impart some advice to a man who should have known better Sick bags on standby but being a mature gentleman Oh God Being a mature gentleman approaching Graham's age

10:05Graham Norton:An old person My God

10:06Maria McErlane:He's already angered you by saying approaching Graham's age

10:10Graham Norton:He's not even as old as me No

10:11Maria McErlane:I found myself falling in love with a young lady at work who is at the tender age of 23. I tried desperately not to, being her manager and having been married for 35 years, but the heart will not be constrained.

10:27Graham Norton:Let's not judge him too soon.

10:28Maria McErlane:Let's keep reading. I don't think it's the heart that's involved here. Despite my best efforts.

10:34Graham Norton:It's empty bag.

10:37Maria McErlane:One last huzzah for the screw-a-closs sack.

10:40Graham Norton:I'm sure there was something in here.

10:44Maria McErlane:Despite my best efforts, I fell hook, line and sinker, head over heels and all the other idioms. My life felt happier, every song on the radio had new meaning, and my heart leapt every time I saw her. I would lie awake at night trying to work out how I could include her in my life, but then also visualizing the horror, disappointment and disgust on my 30-year-old daughter's faces. Never mind my wife's reaction. We exchanged messages at work, mainly work-related, but I progressively started to include comments about how much I enjoy her presence in the office and questions about what she might like for her birthday, being such a special person to me, but nothing sexual or suggestive.

11:23Maria McErlane:I'm not a total monster, brackets. I'd obsess over her every response and read much more into our exchanges than was actually there. I finally saw the light, came to my senses, told her what an idiot I am and apologized for my behavior. I'm not seeking affirmation that I was doing nothing wrong or abuse for my actions. I'm seeking advice on how to stop feeling the way that I do and get on with my life. Every interaction in the office is a tug on my heartstrings. It's impossible for me to stop thinking about what might be. I'm still completely smitten. I'm sure there will be some good advice from my fellow wangers.

12:00Maria McErlane:Yours in vain hope, pseudonym Jim. P.S. Maria, I loved your narration on Eurotrash. I don't care.

12:10Graham Norton:He is of a certain age.

12:13Maria McErlane:As am I, Graham. But I don't go around sending text messages to the lovely young cameraman here, apart from him. Sudan and Jim, what's this called is a midlife crisis. And, you know, pull yourself together, man. Of course, we all still lust after what we can't have. How beverse the heart that only longs for what is out of reach. Ooh. Yes.

12:37Graham Norton:Write that down.

12:38Maria McErlane:Yeah, okay. But you have to desist with this. You have to get a grip, man.

12:44Graham Norton:But I think what's kind of odd about this letter is there's so much self-awareness. Jim absolutely knows that this is wrong. He shouldn't be doing it. My wife, my children, I'm reading stuff into her messages that isn't there. You know, he gets it all. And yet he's in this kind of, he's gone down the rabbit hole of obsessing about this woman and now can't stop. I mean, I do think, one, you will get over it. You know, in a year. There's nothing to get over. You'll just need to. Well, no, no, there is something to get over. He's allowed himself. He's allowed himself to, this fantasy has somehow taken hold of him.

13:22Maria McErlane:Nowhere in this letter does it mention this poor woman who is. Oh, no, no, nothing to do. But it has nothing to do with her. I know, but look, it's put her in a terrible position. He hasn't thought that through. He's the manager. She wants her job. She needs her job. She's got a mortgage to pay. She's got this 60-something-year-old creep.

13:40Graham Norton:He's not even that old.

13:41Maria McErlane:Not even that old.

13:46Maria McErlane:Anyway, she's younger than his daughter. So, you know, let's do the math here. He hasn't mentioned her once. It's all about me, me, me, me, and my lust, and how can I be happy again?

13:56Graham Norton:Well, no, it's him trying to get over it. I do think, you know, he's... Well, what would you say? How would you tell him to get over it? I think one, you have to, you know, to start with, it has to be deliberate. You know, so when you start kind of thinking, oh, she's so pretty. I wonder if I could kiss her. Deliberately stop and just, you know, think of something else. You know, Google dog operations. You know, just take your mind and don't allow your mind to go there. And it'll be hard and you keep, it's like trying to get over a relationship. Even though this wasn't a relationship, it was a silly crush, a kind of a weird fantasy that he allowed to take hold.

14:38Graham Norton:And the good thing is he knows all of this. He knows everything you were saying, that it's stupid and wrong, da-da-da. But it's happened now. And once those things kind of take hold, it is really hard to shape them.

14:52Maria McErlane:But what he's done is kind of thought things in his head where you go, ooh, they're very cute, blah-blah-blah, that's nice, I hope she's got a nice boyfriend. And he's made it into some sort of reality. He's let this genie out of the wattle and he's got to push it back in. Now, he's kind of said thoughts out loud.

15:07Graham Norton:Yes. And also because she hasn't gone, oh, my God, you're disgusting. Get away from me. He's the boss.

15:13Maria McErlane:He's the boss. Yeah, exactly.

15:14Graham Norton:So because she hasn't, you know, rejected him and exposed the full horror to him, he's still somehow a little bit smitten.

15:25Maria McErlane:But it's abuse of his power. and nowhere does he mention that, that, you know, I realize that this is a terrible position to put her in because I am her boss. Nowhere. It's all poor. I don't think the wangers are going to be kind either, by the way.

15:40Graham Norton:He has apologized to this woman. He has apologized. You know, I think you're being a bit hard on Jim. Am I? Yes, because in the letter, I think Jim acknowledges everything you're saying. You know, he has apologized. He knows this was wrong. Da, da, da.

15:56Maria McErlane:Okay. Tell your wife and tell her what silly old fool you've been.

15:59Graham Norton:Well, I think that's the thing, Jim, is just focus on what you do have. Your wife, your children, your career, all of those things. And so, and imagine what if she, if this 23-year-old had gone, oh my goodness, Jim, yes, it turns out I'm a gerontophile.

16:17Maria McErlane:A gerontophile. Yes. Okay, yes.

16:21Graham Norton:Whereas you're attracted to old people. Yeah.

16:23Maria McErlane:So... I know that.

16:25Graham Norton:Yeah. we're constantly looking for them. Are you a drunk follow by any chance? I'm not. Talk to yourself. We can't be. We'd be hanging around graveyards. I'm sticking with twins. I'm looking for an older man. There's a hearse now. I wonder if he's left with a widow. I'm a cheat.

16:51Maria McErlane:Anyway, yes.

16:52Graham Norton:So I think what Jim's... Imagine, Jim, if this had happened, if the fantasy had become a reality, your life would have blown up, you'd have lost your family, you'd have lost your job, you know that the affair with this woman would have lasted a couple of months tops. End of. And I think you've got to acknowledge what an absolute kind of Walt Disney fantasy this whole thing was. It was never based in any reality.

17:20Maria McErlane:What was in it for her?

17:21Graham Norton:Nothing.

17:22Maria McErlane:Nothing. No.

17:23Graham Norton:No.

17:23Maria McErlane:Exactly, there's no mention of that. And I could promote her to photocopying ink changer.

17:30Graham Norton:Look, okay, you think wangers are all going to hate Jim.

17:33Maria McErlane:I just feel annoyed.

17:34Graham Norton:Jim, brace yourself. Listen.

17:36Maria McErlane:I feel annoyed with him, that's all.

17:37Graham Norton:I just think he's an old fool and he knows he's an old fool.

17:40Maria McErlane:Yeah, but he's still written to us and he's still saying, and how am I going to get over this unhappiness?

17:45Graham Norton:Because that's a problem, Maria. That's why we ask people to send the problems in. But we're not experts. No. No, but I think this is an actual problem. Okay. You know what it's like. After a breakup, it's hard. This isn't a breakup. No, but it's unrequited love. Ugh. I still think, you know, it's hard and poor old Jim's in it and he's done the right thing. He knows he's been an idiot. He's just trying to get out of dodge. All right, you made your point.

18:13Maria McErlane:Shall we see what the wangers have to say?

18:15Graham Norton:All right.

18:16Maria McErlane:I'm thinking differently about you now, by the way.

18:18Graham Norton:Okay.

18:19Maria McErlane:Okay.

18:19Graham Norton:He loved Generation of Eurotrash.

18:23Maria McErlane:I don't care.

18:24Graham Norton:He's deleting all his videos now.

18:28Maria McErlane:I think they're on Super 8, aren't they? Jess in Sligo says, Although you seem at pains to confess how ridiculous you are, you also cling to some hope, which is how you can keep feeling smitten, in inverted commas. There is no hope in capitals, and not just because of the vast age canyon, but because she does not appear to have given you any encouragement whatsoever. What an awful work environment to create, not to mention a total abuse of power. She must politely tolerate all your pathetic leaching because you are her manager. I wasn't wrong about the Wanga's response.

19:07Graham Norton:Jess is absolutely accurate in everything she says there, but she's given him no advice. Like, that's just a description of the situation he finds himself in.

19:17Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think that's because Jess doesn't care. Okay. Neve in Kildare, Ireland.

19:23Graham Norton:I got that.

19:26Maria McErlane:What were you going to say?

19:27Graham Norton:This is fair. Well, no, I thought it's weird there's another Irish one. Yeah.

19:30Maria McErlane:Very moral in Ireland, I would say. You haven't really come to your senses, have you? Having been on the receiving end of unwanted attention like this, I can guarantee without a shadow of doubt that there's no way in hell she would be interested in you. She's a young girl trying to get on in her job, interpreting her politeness and friendliness towards you, her older married manager, as anything other than a cooperative employee is a complete pipe dream and wholly unprofessional and inappropriate. Tender your resignation and chalk it down to a midlife crisis before she sticks her dad and brothers on you.

20:09Graham Norton:Well, now, there was a tiny bit of advice there. Quit your job.

20:13Maria McErlane:Yeah, is that the sort of advice he wanted? Apparently, yes. Pseudonym Jim. Pseudonym Jim. That's a nice song there. I think I might write a country and western one and send it to Taylor Swift. Niamh, I mean, getting out of Dodge

20:27Graham Norton:is a way of stopping this dead walking away from the office.

20:32Maria McErlane:He's not prepared to do anything that's going to damage him in any way. Have you read his letter, Graham?

20:37Graham Norton:Well, I listened to it.

20:38Maria McErlane:Yeah, thank you.

20:40Graham Norton:Which was nearly as hard.

20:43Maria McErlane:Jo, in Surrey. She says, or he says, consider the cultural dynamics. Imagine having to listen to Radio 1. See, this is better advice. Okay. This is better advice. Think how unsexy it would be having to get her to sort out your tech or reading you a menu. Also, if she's willing to be in a relationship with a man 30 years her senior, chances are she's looking for something paternal, not passionate. She'd be sleeping with her dad. Do you want to be her dad? Question mark. Yeah, that's good advice.

21:16Graham Norton:I'm not seeing any sympathy for him. No, no, no, but at least Joe is helping him because Joe is saying, okay, again, think it through. Think about the reality of this. It's not sexy. It's gross.

21:30Maria McErlane:Okay. Angie says, good on you for seeing the light. How is your relationship with your wife? I suggest you work on rekindling the flame with her. Remember why you married her and how much you love her. My dad was in a similar situation, but he did not have the affair. And my parents are celebrating their 48th anniversary this year. Aw, that's nice from Angie. I mean, I do get that marriages get stale and you just forget about sex and passion and why you married them in the first place and grandchildren take over. But it's up to you, pseudonym Jim, to put that sparkle back.

22:07Graham Norton:And at least Jim has ended up fancying someone who was never going to have sex with him. You know what I mean? Rather than falling in love.

22:15Maria McErlane:So it is unrequited.

22:16Graham Norton:Yes, because if he'd fallen in love with someone who maybe was a bit appropriate, it might have happened. So he's been quite lucky.

22:23Maria McErlane:Maybe that's what he's going to do next. Alan and Eve in Market Harborough. Market Harborough. Yes, it's so lovely.

22:31Graham Norton:Oh, lovely.

22:32Maria McErlane:You're not a monster. Can you feel that? They say, they, you're not a monster, you're a cliche with a company laptop. Burn.

22:43Graham Norton:Feel the burn.

22:44Maria McErlane:Mic drop there. No more emotional breadcrumbing. No analyzing messages. No accidental extra chats in the kitchen. Keep interactions polite, professional, and brief. You don't need punishment. You need perspective, distance, and time. And perhaps fewer Ed Sheeran songs for a little while. Yes. Thank you, Alan and Eve in Market Harborough. Yes, that is good.

23:08Graham Norton:Perspective, distance, and time. Those are the key here. And Jim will get over it. Yeah.

23:15Maria McErlane:And, you know, wear a pair of chaps in the bedroom with your wife. That'll get a laugh.

23:20Graham Norton:Now, pseudonym Jim, we have to say there was an awful lot of sympathy for the 23-year-old colleague from the Wangers. A couple of Wangers also mentioned Alan Rickman's character in Love Actually and suggested you could give that a watch.

23:35Maria McErlane:Yeah. Let us know how you get on, pseudonym Jim.

23:38Graham Norton:Oh, by the way, if you'd like to wade into this problem with advice, you could go to the comments below this and add your tuppence worth.

23:45Maria McErlane:I look forward to reading those, Graham.

23:48Graham Norton:Don't.

23:49Maria McErlane:Don't.

23:53Graham Norton:Just saying. Jim, good luck. We'll have another problem up next. This podcast is sponsored by Newmarket Holidays, providing award-winning escorted tours. Now, Maria, you know that excitement when you decide to go on a big holiday, But then you realize, I've got to organize it all.

24:10Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's the dull bit, actually, isn't it? Who wants to do that? Nobody.

24:14Graham Norton:I find things like connecting flights are so stressful.

24:18Maria McErlane:Really, really, especially when you're kind of on your own.

24:20Graham Norton:Unless you're going to an airport and you don't know, well, how far is it? Like, will I be able to leg it or, you know, whatever? I remember once I got a flight back from Australia with a connecting flight. And because the connecting bit was after midnight, it turned out the flight I was supposed to get had left the day before.

24:37Maria McErlane:No.

24:38Graham Norton:Yeah.

24:39Maria McErlane:I mean, you have to kind of take a zen pill on holiday, don't you, if you're doing that? Or... Get somebody to do it for you.

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25:23Maria McErlane:How fabulous. And if I'm leaving the logistics to them, that means I can spend more time browsing the website and dreaming of African safaris, Indian temples, or the gorgeous Italian coastline. That's a fun bit, isn't it?

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25:45Maria McErlane:Plenty of opportunities for great holidays, great memories, and great stories.

25:50Graham Norton:Visit newmarketholidays.co.uk and find out more and save up to 15 % on your next Wishlist Escorted Tour. It's time. It's time. second letter please you made me jump I'm so sorry time is of the essence

26:03Maria McErlane:I was having a little nod off there

26:05Graham Norton:dreaming about Jim oh he's in his 50s grr Jim

26:11Maria McErlane:grr

26:11Graham Norton:he could be your toy boy I like them much

26:15Maria McErlane:younger than that Graham dear Graham and Maria I'm joking that was a joke that was a joke I like them over 70

26:28Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria Every time I cook something for my husband from scratch he adds extra flavours and spices We will sit down and after one mouthful, sometimes none he gets up and heads back into the kitchen with cupboards and jars opening Now, the easy answer to this must be that my food is just bland but honestly it isn't because other trusted people tell me I think it's just a habit But the other day, I just said I wished he would give it a go without launching into a round of fix that dish like he's on Australian MasterChef. For whatever reason, it hurts a bit every time he does it. Am I being petty or overly sensitive?

27:09Maria McErlane:Love the podcast. And that's from Will in Sheffield. That is annoying, isn't it? But I think what that is, Graham, is just a habit. It's like people who put lots of salt on things and then everybody who's cooking says, I did salt the potatoes. Oh, no, but I like a lot of salt. My arteries are hardening as we sweep.

27:28Graham Norton:You must be able to feel that.

27:31Maria McErlane:I do think it's one of those things that is a habit. I think what you should do, Will, is make a sort of separate dish and really, really over-flavour it. I mean, go mad with the garlic powder, and, you know, have a stand-by. This would be a funny joke. Spice up your... Spice up your relationship. Literally. And then when you plonk it down in front of him, add spice to that, baby. I think, look,

27:59Graham Norton:am I being petty or overly sensitive? A bit, but equally I get it. Yeah, I get it too. Because it is like a slap in the face every time. I've cooked this meal. I've followed a recipe that a professional cook said, you need half a teaspoon of this, you need a teaspoon of that. da-da-da, that's it. This is how it's supposed to be. And somehow you know better and you're going to put some Hellman's mayonnaise all over it.

28:23Maria McErlane:It is like a sort of subconscious diss, isn't it, of your cooking? I mean, I would say let him make the food. Yeah.

28:30Graham Norton:I think go on strike, Will.

28:32Maria McErlane:Yeah.

28:32Graham Norton:Just kind of go, look, I get it. You don't like my cooking, so knock yourself out.

28:37Maria McErlane:Yeah.

28:38Graham Norton:Go for it.

28:39Maria McErlane:It's a habit and habits sometimes need to be broken. and you didn't say, Will, what he said when you said, it's really annoying that you do this.

28:48Graham Norton:And also it's not always the same thing. I mean, you know, we've got friends who put chilli on everything because they just really like that heat and the flavour and I get that. But this sounds like he just goes off and finds a bit of chutney, a bit of ketchup, a bit of soya sauce. Some dried parsley. Just whatever he's made. And also, why isn't it on the table? Why does he have to get up and go and get it?

29:12Maria McErlane:Well, because it's already been seasoned. No, but it's every night. Okay. It's every night. Just have it on the table. Yes, Will, that's the way around this. You put it all on the table. In fact, put every spice jar on the table from your cupboard onto the table and say, I mean, you know, I feel your pain there because it's annoying and it's every time. Make him do it. And then when he cooks, you could do the same.

29:34Graham Norton:You can just spit it out. You can just put it in your mouth and just go bleh. Yeah. Let it fall out of your mouth.

29:39Maria McErlane:When he cooks, you have to say, oh, this is a bit spicy for me.

29:43Graham Norton:No, say it's a bit bland.

29:44Maria McErlane:A bit bland.

29:45Graham Norton:Yeah.

29:46Maria McErlane:Did you flavour this at all? Did you put anything in this? I think the things that couples, you know, drive people insane.

29:55Graham Norton:It will escalate until they break up. It really will. And then people will go, why did you break up? I'll go, ketchup. Oh, garlic powder.

30:02Maria McErlane:Garlic powder and soy sauce.

30:04Graham Norton:Sorry.

30:05Maria McErlane:Don't want to go on into it.

30:06Graham Norton:Yeah, it was quite a lot.

30:08Maria McErlane:So what do we say?

30:09Graham Norton:So I think we'll... Counselling.

30:12Maria McErlane:What about counselling?

30:13Graham Norton:But also, I think you kind of have to turn the tables and go, look, do you want to try cooking for a while? Because this is, you know, and also, I think the thing you can say, and we've talked about this before in relationships, is I think you're allowed to go, I get that this isn't important. I get that this isn't a big thing. but it's becoming a big thing and it's actually going to affect our relationship. So are you going to take this silly thing seriously because I am afraid it has become serious?

30:48Maria McErlane:I think, Will, you should just run that back on YouTube, what Graham said, and the hand movements. I get that this is not a big thing but this is going to become a big thing.

31:01Graham Norton:And that's the bottom line. And then if he still ignores you, you've got a wrong one. And weirdly, you are going to break up over soy sauce. Oh, dear.

31:11Maria McErlane:Life is so hard, isn't it? Isn't it, though? And bland. I feel add more spice. So, shall we see what the wangers have to say? Juliet in Canterbury says, no, you're definitely not petty or overly sensitive. It happened to me once with a dish that had been marinating overnight. And a guest who pulled out a bottle of chilli sauce without even trying the food first. Yours happens repeatedly. As the years pass, his flavour adjustments are only going to become even more annoying and hurtful to the point that you will loathe him. Get out now, in capitals.

31:48Graham Norton:It happened to Juliet once. Once.

31:52Maria McErlane:Do not cross Juliet in category.

31:53Graham Norton:I've been marinating that all night.

31:55Maria McErlane:All night. Not 20 minutes. All night. And I got up every hour to turn it. What's that thing that

32:03Graham Norton:Nigella Lawson does at Christmas? She puts a turkey in a bucket or something

32:05Maria McErlane:Yes, she brines it In a big kind of, you know Water with lots of salt, is it? I don't know what she puts in I don't know

32:11Graham Norton:Who the fuck would do that?

32:12Maria McErlane:Well, a lot of people, let me tell you

32:16Graham Norton:And Juliet and Garner Canterbury

32:18Maria McErlane:And also, lovely ham in Coca-Cola No, that is good

32:22Graham Norton:That's a nice idea

32:23Maria McErlane:Or other colas I don't know Helga, the horrible Helga, the horrible She's written in before Has she? We like the cut of her jib. Okay, good. This is a well-known problem to me. My Norwegian husband of 16 years had the habit of reaching out for the ground black pepper every single time. At first, I made excuses for him. But as time passed, I asked him to try my food before drowning all the good flavours. He really struggled. My last straw was to tell him if he couldn't help himself, I'd leave the cooking exclusively to him. That stopped him. and now he hardly ever asks for extra spice.

33:00Graham Norton:The end.

33:01Maria McErlane:That's it. It's a happy ending. I'm just imagining her husband in a straitjacket at the dinner table going like that. Delicious, darling. Pepper. Not a laugh. A little pepper. Pepper. Just a little pepper. What is so wrong about pepper? Okay, Flick says, is it possible that your husband has some kind of medical issue?

33:23Graham Norton:Fucking love Flick. Love it. Love it. He'll be dead soon, don't worry about it.

33:30Maria McErlane:I love that everything is a medical issue. Yeah. Are you poisoning him? In my family, the men often lost their sense of smell as they got older, which led to reduced taste. And they were covering everything in salt and gravitating towards spicy curries because that was all they could taste. Especially post-COVID, loss of taste is more common. Whatever the reason, as usual, when you're confused about someone's behavior, you should ask them directly.

33:59Graham Norton:Flick's like a genius.

34:01Maria McErlane:No, I think that's a really, no, I think that's good. What, post-COVID we're all a bit bland?

34:07Graham Norton:Well, no, I think you're just going to go, look, I've noticed you keep doing this.

34:13Maria McErlane:Is it a medical issue?

34:14Graham Norton:Is it a medical issue? Do you think your taste buds are working? Yeah. Because this food is perfectly spiced.

34:23Maria McErlane:George in Salford says, your friends are lying and just being polite. Your husband doesn't... I did think that.

34:29Graham Norton:Did you? I did think. Other people told me. And I was like, yeah, just shut you up. Yeah, no, it's perfect. Well, my...

34:37Maria McErlane:Your friends are lying and just being polite. Your husband doesn't need to have the same sensitivities. But next time he does this, why don't you ask to try a bit of his food? This will give a few options. One, a chance to taste his version of your food. Is it better? Do you need to up your game? Why I ought to George Insulford. Two, it will help him realise that this is something that's bothering you without you having to say it. Three, it's a conversation starter about why he does this, especially before he's even tried your food. Good luck, and if this fails, there's always divorce. Good work, George Insulford.

35:16Graham Norton:George Insulford, have you ever been in a relationship? Like, without having to say it, just say it. Yeah, yeah, really. I just, he's sitting right there.

35:25Maria McErlane:Do you need to up your game, though? No, Georgie and Salford, we do not say that. We do not say that out loud.

35:30Graham Norton:Wangers in the comments, what's your advice? Is this a big deal? Do let us know. And a reminder, if you have a dilemma for the pod, you can always email us. It's wangingon at listen.co.uk. That is also where you send, Am I Weird? Here's the jingle. Am I Weird? Ooh. Today, where did it come from?

35:50Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird comes to us courtesy of Robin from Pennsylvania. Hi, Graham and Maria. I have a habit of looking up the addresses of items I have purchased off eBay and Etsy. I look at people's personal addresses on Google Maps or Google Earth. I just want to see what their houses look like. It isn't out of any form of snobbery. I suppose I'm just very curious. Am I weird? No. A little bit stalkery.

36:20Graham Norton:I think, no, I get it. Sometimes it is interesting because you can now do the street view thing. Of people you bought things from on Etsy. I don't shop online like that.

36:30Maria McErlane:No, I know.

36:31Graham Norton:No.

36:31Maria McErlane:But I do. Actually, Robin, you know, in Pennsylvania, I'm going to say, you know, there are so many other things to do with your time.

36:39Graham Norton:Which is on our computer anyway.

36:41Maria McErlane:Gardening. I know, but gardening or reading a book or watching a series or going up with friends for drinks and finding out where they live, perhaps. I just think there's something weird.

36:53Graham Norton:Following strangers home.

36:55Maria McErlane:There is something, there's weirdness creeping in, Robin, and I feel if you don't get it in check, it will get out of control and you will start following people on the tube.

37:07Graham Norton:I think it's, no, I think it's fine. I don't like you today. Okay. Fair enough.

37:15Maria McErlane:You've changed, Graham. What have you done with Graham Norton?

37:20Graham Norton:No, I just, if Robin wants to kind of Google these people, let her. To what end? To no end.

37:27Maria McErlane:Well, that's why I'm saying it's a what.

37:28Graham Norton:I mean, the only thing, the only red flag I would say, Robin, is you say, it isn't out of any sort of snobbery, which immediately makes you think it's out of some sort of snobbery. Because there was no need to have that.

37:40Maria McErlane:Oh, they live in a trailer park. They need the money. I'll have an extra$2.

37:44Graham Norton:I like to judge people for their horrible house. And at least if you're doing that, that's not bad either. But own it. Own that's what you're doing. So I'm going not weird. You're going? I'm going weird.

37:55Maria McErlane:Okay. Soz Robin from Pennsylvania.

37:58Graham Norton:Well, as we leave Robin, boring over Google Maps, we say farewell to this edition of Wanging On.

38:05Maria McErlane:You may have noticed, of course, your mind, that we're not actually experts.

38:10Graham Norton:But you are a trained vet, right?

38:12Maria McErlane:I know how to take ghoulies off. Oh no, I gave it away that I did it to my own dog. Please, if you need experts, there's a link on our Instagram bio. We are at wangingon.

38:26Graham Norton:At wangingon with Graeme Maria is a platform media production. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Goodbye.

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