A SCANDALOUS workplace affair... and mesh underwear

19:42A mirror.

19:46Maria McErlane:Dave in Brighton says, oh dear, mama's a sniffer. Oh my God. No, seriously, she can't be that sensitive if she's being so insensitive with your very personal items. I'd buy a nice new chest of drawers that have locks and keep your intimate bits where she can't get her creepy old hands on them. If you're worried that that's too obvious, perhaps still lock your bits away and leave some decoy undies scattered about the place so she still feels like she's violating you when she's actually not. I mean, this has escalated. Violation, really? But also now I'm thinking, why is she in the drawer? Like, is she, because doing your washing, I understand.

20:23I'm looking after the dog. There's a laundry basket. I'll do that and I'll iron everything in there. But is she going to the door and getting everything out and then ironing it? Like, is she retrospectively ironing everything?

20:36Maria McErlane:Look, let's be honest. She has a problem. She's having a nose about. Oh, yeah, no, big time. That's what she's doing. That's all she's doing. She's having a nose about. And it is, I mean, I can see that there's a controlling element of that. Yeah. It's like, you know, you can run but you can't hide. I am still your mother to Paul's partner. And, you know, I know everything about you type of thing. There is a... But who cares? Yes, I think it's very hard to care. If this woman wants to shock herself, let her. You know, she's not doing any harm. Wendy says, To get the amount of help you're getting here, there's always a trade-off.

21:10Maria McErlane:This is yours. And to be honest, it could be worse. I wouldn't bother trying to stop her. She's already seen everything now, also put it out of your mind. If you really can't, you'll have to start paying for the pet care. Now, that's exactly what you said. Yes. I mean, the trade-off is it shouldn't be a trade-off, really, but you're not paying this lady anything. So she could do whatever. I mean, she could have a poo and put it in your drawer. She could do that. Yes. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, she really could. But what I mean is at least she's not doing that. Yes. Next time, come home.

21:43Thank her. thank you so much for not doing a big turd in my knicker drawer that's so kind of you

21:50Maria McErlane:because it creeps through the mesh I find

21:56like straining mozzarella

21:59Maria McErlane:I mean that's what you could put in the drawer this time I'm thinking about putting amusing things in you could put a fake poo in there one week and then you could put a severed hand in the next you know pretend severed hand yeah no not a real one that would be wrong yeah yeah it's kind of a heart attack and the dog will run off with it. Oh my goodness, yeah. Look, this may split the wangers. So I say wangers, why not feel free to leave comments below if you're watching this on YouTube. Let's have a heated debate. I mean, people could be talking about, should they iron their underwear? Should they not iron their underwear?

22:30Do you iron your underwear?

22:31Maria McErlane:No! Does anyone iron their underwear at all? No, I only iron napkins. That's it. Oh my goodness, you iron napkins. You have people around, you see. I don't do that. Well, I think napkins you need to iron. Nothing else. Yeah. Nothing. I've never been invited to our new house, by the way. Well, because it's good. To see. We're trying to keep it nice. To see a nice ironed napkin. And also, you know how I like to go through your drawers. Of course. And on iron things. And steel bits of mesh. We barely have time to take a breath before another dilemma presents. This episode is brought to you by Prime.

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24:11Maria McErlane:Hooray If you have a smart telly You can go to YouTube Or Spotify And search for Wanging On Yeah it's great You can find our full episodes All of them So you can binge them all Or you can watch us weekly Like a normal person This is the brave new world Of visualised podcasting Maria I am all over it Stream Wanging On On your smart telly Now Maria, Maria Yes Grab another amp Oh, okay Yeah, go on, quick This is it, this is it This is dilemma number two Okay Dear Graham and Maria I'm really enjoying your podcast Thank you I have a dilemma I hope you can help me with I own a small software company Have you listened to this podcast?

24:58Check the address on this one Oh, do I have a CEO? No. Oh, I'm so sorry.

25:04Maria McErlane:You sent it to the wrong place. Oh, dear, yeah. We're in Podcast Central. There's a mix up in the mailbags. We never know what we're going to get. Anyway, I own a small software company with about 40 total employees. Recently, the wife of one of our star employees friended every employee in the firm on Facebook, including me. We thought she was just being friendly, but it turns out she had a few things she had to get off her chest. Wow. Over a period of two weeks, oh my goodness, she proceeded to machine gun us all with posts about her adulterous husband, clearly wanting us all to know he had cheated.

25:44Maria McErlane:Fabulous. Of course, the chatter circulated like smoke through a room and some employees have put two and two together and figured out that the mistress is also an employee at our firm. This is genius. It's gold. I just love this. It's podcast gold. I know. I'm still waiting for the problem. Right? I know, right? So far, it's a great day in the office. This revelation has damaged the chemistry of our team and sown a lot of division. Two of our leads have come to me separately and asked me to step in and establish a policy that would put a stop to the affair. I don't think it's my place and my instinct is just to let it blow over.

26:28Maria McErlane:Do I have a responsibility to speak to either the cheater or his mistress? Name names. At a bare minimum, should I let them know that everyone else on the team knows exactly what is going on? They know. As a side note, not much has changed since the days of the scarlet letter. People seem to cast more shade on the mistress, single lady, than they do on the cheating husband. Now that's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. That never happens. Aren't they both equally to blame? Thanks again for a great podcast. It's a highlight of my week from Brian in the US. Now, Brian, this... That's been a highlight for us.

27:04It really has. I love it. Yeah. I wish all letters were of this standard.

27:11Maria McErlane:I do too. Brian, I just, I think you're right. You can't play the moral high ground here. But it is, I mean, I'm sure everyone in your office is going, thank goodness something exciting has happened. I know. I was so bored of working for a small software company. With 40 employees, all of them. I mean, everybody knows everything now. The wife has played a blinder and she has thrown him and the mistress under the bus. I don't know where she can go to next. Well, the marriage can't survive this, can it? I mean, I feel like she has, you know, there was the smell of bridges burning very strongly. I think, Brian, you need to acknowledge that everyone knows.

27:58Everyone's seen these messages. Everyone is on the Facebook. Everyone has seen the messages. So I think you would acknowledge that. I think the person you need to talk to is the man. Yeah. Because it's his wife who has done this. Yeah. And she is the one who's involved the office. I sort of think if people want to have an affair, let them. You know, so long as they're still making software in a small company.

28:24Maria McErlane:it's not affecting their software production no but I think yes what you do is because she has she's in pain the wife is in pain she doesn't know what to do she has decided that this is a good idea I would question that I mean she'll regret it she will regret it but for right now it's making her feel better yeah but I think what you need to do is you need to get the man in and say look this has happened what's going on what do you think we should do about it How can we ameliorate this? How can we stop it going any further, etc.? And then I think you need to get your team of 40 together and say, we're just going to address the elephant in the room.

29:01I call her Cheryl.

29:04Maria McErlane:No, you can't say that anymore. Stephen here, as everybody knows, is in a bit of a pickle with his wife right now. That's terrible, isn't it? Let's say in a bit of a pickle. No, don't say that. Stephen here, we're all embarrassed for him and for his wife and for Lindsay. Yeah, poor Lindsay. Poor Lindsay. She's single. She's not going to be anything other than single with him, I don't think. And also, you kind of, like, okay, I know we can't blame Lindsay. No, we can't blame Lindsay. But I do think if you're looking for someone to date, cast your eye further than the office. Yeah, beyond the photocopier.

29:43They're not very lazy. No, no, it's her. She's the lazy one. Well, they're both lazy because it's right there. He's having an affair. Yeah. So he's just thinking, oh, they're somebody. But she is, I think, you know, presumably looking for a bit more because she is single. She thinks she's having a relationship. She's not. But anyway, that's beside the point. Brian, talk to the man because it is his wife who's involved everybody. So you need to address that. And I guess you do just put out a kind of internal memo, kind of, you know, I know you've all...

30:17Maria McErlane:What do you say in the end? You just say, I know you've all seen things on Facebook. Just so you know, I've spoken to name of man. Stephen. And he's happy to talk to anyone. Because people have come to Brian to say that new rules need to be put in place, that people can't strip each other in the office. I don't think they do it in the office. They probably do. I think you're right. They're so lazy. Given that people spend, you know, 40 hours. I could go out to the car, but should we just do it here under the desk? Your desk isn't very busy because your production is down this week. I think that's how Brian says, you know, I have noticed that the production is down of late.

30:53Maria McErlane:I think that's because everyone is too busy thinking about Stephen and Lindsay. None of your business. Trunk out, Dumbo. Can we get on with the work in hand? I feel like we've enjoyed this problem too much. We haven't really given any advice. I don't know what advice I would give. Well, I think talking to the man is your first point of call. I don't think you need to talk to the lady because she's done, I mean, she's not blameless. She's having an affair with a married man. But she hasn't brought it into the public domain. Everyone seems to be blaming her in the office though. It's a scarlet letter all over again.

31:26Maria McErlane:All the other 38 employees. Oh yes. Because there's 40 of them in total. 37. Why? Because Brian isn't blaming them. Shall we see what the one... Brian's a very modern man. Brian isn't blaming them all. I want to see the Facebook messages. I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's almost worth it. I mean, as I say, this poor woman who, as you say, is in pain right now, is lashing out. She will live to regret doing this. But for now, how fabulous for everyone in the office. Also, there might be children involved. It's not so funny anymore, is it, really? Oh, thanks for taking my joy. Can't I have a nice time?

32:05No, you can't.

32:06Maria McErlane:Because when you look in your eyes, you're still you. All right, let's go. Big gay Darren in Brazil. I wondered where he was. I miss him. He says, if I were in your position, I would call a meeting with the cheating husband, the mistress and all the employees that the wife friend did on Facebook. In that meeting, I would say that everyone knows about the affair between the two lovebirds. That's step number one. I would make it clear then that office romances are a no-no and that it's in their hands to rectify the situation. Also tell the cheating husband that although you totally understand his wife's anger, he should advise her not to contact his colleagues, then finalise the meeting, leaving all explosive information with them and hope that they sort it all out.

32:53Maria McErlane:Good luck. Big gay Darren. I don't really think that's progressed things at all. Well, and also, like, the only, okay, in terms of the office, what you could do is just say to everyone, look, we just need to stop this situation. Let's knock it on the head. could everyone please on-friend Duda's wife and block her? And then that's, you know, she's now screaming in the car park, which is better probably. Nobody actually needs to call them screaming in the car park. Nobody needs to say, you know, this is what's happened. Everybody knows exactly what's happened. And actually it's up to the guy that is having an affair to kind of calm things down.

33:34And also I think to bring in a rule, oh, there can't be any relationship with the office. It's like, you've got a software company. It's not like, who cares? Let them shag. You know, it's not like they're, you know, in the civil service or something or, you know.

33:48Maria McErlane:I think you do have to tell the guy who's having an affair, go and sort yourself out and sort out your wife. I mean, that sounds awful, but I mean, this has gone too public now. Yeah, get a hit, man. Okay, Dai, that's D-A-I, says, I say, sue the wife. She's been messaging members of staff directly and repeatedly to cause distress. It's harassment. Your staff didn't ask to know this information if the situation has resulted in a loss of sales. Sue for that too. Tell the husband and the alleged mistress that everybody knows it's up to them if they want to stick it out or leave. But let them know how the situation has affected the team.

34:23Maria McErlane:And tell them both off for being a cliché. An affair in the office is so passé. True that. I mean, it is stupid. And also, just having an affair is stupid. Yeah. Stupid man. Now, Sheila, she used to live in Australia. Now she's in New Zealand. She gets about. I know. She sent us a voice note. I would ask your staff to please block this toxic woman. What goes on between her and her husband is nobody's business but theirs. Secondly, I would discreetly talk to the husband and tell him to wind his neck in and sort out his love life as it is affecting your working environment. I mean, I think you're being a bit harsh on the lady who's Facebooked everyone.

35:04Well, no, she is Billy Bonkers. I mean, she's crazy with anger and grief and all those things.

35:09Maria McErlane:I mean, Brian, what you could do, even though I know that Stephen, the man who's having the affair, is one of your top employees, but you could just sack them both. I'm not sure you can sack people. Okay. Because they've got a bonkers wife who's messaging everyone on Facebook. But you could say it's affecting productivity. Is it, though? Maybe you have to do a letter of warning first. I feel like it's a bonding exercise for the whole office. I mean, it is genius. Genius. Everyone's going to be so excited about this. What about having... Oh, I got another message. Like, if you open your Facebook and you see the little one on messages, you go, oh, she's back.

35:42Oh, it'd be so exciting.

35:43Maria McErlane:I mean, we don't know. Brian hasn't told us whether or not people have replied to the wife at all. And also, there are some killjoys in the office who are complaining about it. Yeah. Will in Dublin says, whoa, hold your horses. You're the boss, not the morality police. Don't go hauling them in and scolding them like teenagers. Are they adults? Yes. Is this ill-advised? Yes. Is it illegal? No. They're private lives and none of your business. If this unsavory situation is affecting morale or creating upset for your team, I think it's reasonable to remind everyone generally about expectations around professionalism, respect and keeping personal matters out of the office.

36:25Maria McErlane:Outside of that, this is not your rodeo. As for the double standard, you're probably not wrong. But that's not something you can correct from your desk either. I like where Will is coming from here. I think if you address it in kind of very general terms about, you know, keeping everything professional, please don't bring your personal life into work, and then call the man in and just go, you've got to do something about your wife on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. It's not fair on everybody to be... to Mark Zuckerberg because he probably would want to solve this for you. He'd want to remove her. He's very hands-on.

37:02Is he? Oh, he's so hands-on. I've heard that about him. He's so caring. He really is.

37:07Maria McErlane:I'm sensing irony there. Alistair in Kilbrachan. Say it again. Kilbrachan. Kilbrachan. Okay. Kilbrachan. All right. What would you say? I think all four residents are now offended. I feel like Moira Rose doing her burkinger about her wine. Her burlinger. Alistair in Kilbarkand. I'm so sorry. Anyway, Alistair says, there are three certainties in life. Death, taxes and workplace shagging. Woohoo! Hey! We all want to go to Kilbarkand now. Yeah, exactly. Unless this relationship is a conflict of interest to the business or there's a power imbalance in their roles, then stay the hell out of it. A non-fraternisation policy makes you a dictator, so your leads need to simmer down.

38:03Maria McErlane:This might be the first public relationship thanks to the wife and her keyboard, but it may not be the first one to occur. The wife clearly knew what she was doing. Unfriend her, let them deal with the mess. It's likely the husband is aware, everyone knows, but maybe check in on him as a good boss would. despite your desire to Nathaniel Hawthorne him. That's a nice literary reference. Yeah. What's that from? Well done, Alistair and Kilbarkin. What is Nathaniel Hawthorne? He wrote the Scarlet Letter. Very good. A broad mix of advice there. And if you want to be the receiving end of that sort of wisdom, then do get in touch at wangingon at listen.co.uk.

38:42That's also where you send the question, Am I weird? Here goes. Am I weird?

38:50Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Cheryl in Somerset. And she says, Hi Graham and Maria. Dare I confess to something rather silly and strange that I've started doing over the past year. I've started playing Beethoven to my banana before I can eat it. As long as my banana has absorbed some of those lovely vibes, I'm happy. I find that I don't have a need to play Adolfé to my apple before I eat it or Corelli to my cherry. So what's going on? Have I gone a little loopy? All I can say is it's lucky I don't feel the need for a banana every day. Am I weird? Yes. Goodbye. Well, no. But I think, you know, work this into an act and go on Britain's Got Talent.

39:34You might get a golden buzzer.

39:36Maria McErlane:I think it's very unlikely. Corelli to my cherry. Amanda Holden would be on her feet. That confetti would be coming fluttering down on all of your bananas. do whatever floats your boat I would say Cheryl in Somerset with your bananas and your life yes no look Cheryl has made eating bananas a little more interesting than it was and good luck to you lady but don't expect anyone to be interested I would say if you want to do this do it least of all us I think if you're going to send something to am I weird send something that's really weird I think what you're doing Cheryl in Somerset is holding back on us Oh, yes.

40:17This is her distraction. Yeah? Yeah. I think so. I'm playing Beethoven to bananas. Don't look at my collection of dead flies over here.

40:27Maria McErlane:Don't look at my dead mother-in-law in the corner. Decorated for Christmas. Come on, banana, let's listen to Beethoven again. Mother-in-law, join in. Yes, every family pet they've ever had in the freezer. I'm playing Beethoven to Bananas, look. Well, I'm saying not weird. I'm saying I don't care. Oh, fair enough. Well, that musical banana brings us to the end of this edition of Wanging On. In case this needs pointing out, Graeme and I are not experts. And if you do need genuine help, you should always seek it out from the proper channels. There's a link in our Instagram bio with more information at at wanging on.

41:12Wanging On with Graeme Maria is a platform media production. And before you know it, we'll be back in your eyes and ears with another edition. Goodbye.

41:19Maria McErlane:Goodbye.

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