In short
Graham and Maria discuss airport frustrations (queues, security “no liquids out” machines that still require removing items), plus two listener dilemmas: how to tell a wife she smells fishy due to a possible medical/genetic condition (TMAU/many-syllables fishy odor), and whether to exclude a long-term couple who’ve become conspiracy theorists and cause scenes at gatherings. They also end with “Am I Weird?” about making passengers sit in the back of the car.
Guests
No guests. Hosts are Graham and Maria McCurlin.
Key claims
Business-class/fast-track avoids airport misery; airport tech “lulls” you then forces re-checking items; the husband should broach the smell gently and encourage a doctor; for conspiracy-theory troublemakers, avoid inviting them if they have a history of scenes.
Notable examples
A story where someone claims Salman Rushdie is on a flight, causing panic; advice from listeners (e.g., ask a doctor, use diplomacy, or keep the couple separate).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOAirport Experiences and Peeves
1:30 to 9:36
Graham and Maria discuss their frustrations and funny experiences at airports.
“I feared you had died, but it turns out you were just alive and spent.”
Dilemmas: A Smelly Wife
11:04 to 14:00
Graham and Maria provide advice on a listener's dilemma about his wife's odor.
“Maria, without further ado, could you rip open an envelope?”
Navigating Difficult Conversations About Odors
14:00 to 16:30
Learn how to approach sensitive topics about personal hygiene with loved ones.
“So whenever he decides to say to her, you smell a bit funny, it can be the first time he's noticed.”
Listener Advice: Discussing Personal Odors
16:30 to 19:30
Hear listener insights on addressing sensitive smell concerns in relationships.
“because she's got this medical condition.”
Listener Advice: Discussing Personal Odors
22:51 to 23:15
Hear listener insights on addressing sensitive smell concerns in relationships.
“Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto.”
Conspiracy Theories and Friendship Dilemmas
23:15 to 28:00
Explore the complexities of friendships affected by differing beliefs and conspiracy theories.
“As luck would have it, Maria has another problem.”
Friendship Dynamics and Conspiracy Theories
28:00 to 29:20
Exploring the complexities of long-term friendships and the impact of conspiracy theories on social interactions.
“So friendships that you think, I've known you for 40 years, we should stay friends forever.”
Audience Reactions to Conspiracy Theorists
29:20 to 31:28
Discussing audience feedback on whether to invite conspiracy theorists to a birthday party.
“Faye says, if they've caused scenes in the past, then you're well within your right not to invite them.”
Am I Weird? Dilemmas and Discussions
31:28 to 33:48
A listener's quirky dilemma about giving lifts leads to humorous discussions about social norms.
“In other words, Bill, you hire a drunk duchess.”
Am I Weird? Dilemmas and Discussions
35:31 to 35:55
A listener's quirky dilemma about giving lifts leads to humorous discussions about social norms.
“Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.”
Show all 11 chapters
Am I Weird? Dilemmas and Discussions
36:31 to 36:58
A listener's quirky dilemma about giving lifts leads to humorous discussions about social norms.
“The Devil Wears Prada 2 is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.
0:08Maria McErlane:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may I fly. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app to bank, borrow, and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow-up with the SoFi High Yield Savings Account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash Spotify.
0:52SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank N.A. Member FDIC. Terms apply.
1:01This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app. The sooner you start investing, the more potential you have to build your money. Even for beginners, SoFi makes it simple with an easy-to-use app to get you going. SoFi is offering up to$1 ,000 in stock when you open and fund a SoFi self-directed brokerage account. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify. Brokerage offer through SoFi Securities LLC. Member FINRA slash SIPC. Terms apply. I feared you had died, but it turns out you were just alive and spent. Never put a hitchhiker in the back. No, stab, stab, stab. I've seen the films.
1:40Maria McErlane:Like that. Cheese wire. You're dead. Yeah. We have to walk on gravel sometimes. Owie. Ow. Isn't there enough to worry about?
1:53Hello and welcome to Wanging On. It's a podcast, I'm told, where myself and Maria McCurlin dish out questionable advice to your dilemmas. Maria, there you are. How are you?
2:02Maria McErlane:Graham, do you notice anything different about our set today? There might be something on the table with four legs. I see nothing different here. Nothing different. All right, there's a, what is it, a ceramic dog? It's a ceramic dog. I was just giving you ideas for the sort of dog you might like. And this is what they call a Yorkshire Terrier. It's very well behaved. It's better behaved than your normal dog. I'll give you that. And also it's had a lovely coat of shellac. Yes, glossy coat, I would say. I don't know what it's eating. To keep it very shiny, but it has also made it rather stiff. Oh, yes.
2:38Maria McErlane:There we go. Off you go. Back to where you came from. Up, up. Oh. Good boy. Maria. Yeah. I have been on a secret mission this week. I can't tell you anything about it. Oh. I can't tell you anything about it. but involved using an airport, getting on a plane. You can't tell me anything about it. No, well, I can tell you that much. Have you been to see Elton John? I can't tell you anything. Oh, this is annoying. What's the point of telling me you've been to an airport? What I was going to say was... Have you learnt to fly? Well, no. Do you think post-COVID people have still not learnt how to use airports?
3:10Maria McErlane:Oh, Graham, the whole... If somebody mentions the word airport to me, my heart sinks. My soul drips away from my body because... I didn't like to say anything. No. Have you seen all that happening? Yeah, I saw it all happen I thought, oh dear Is there a doctor? It's happening again I mean, it's just, it drains all positivity out of your life By the time you get to wherever you're going You've been queuing for most of your life At least going, you've got the excitement You've got the excitement of, oh, I'm going to be there It's going to be somewhere new I've got something exciting to do, whatever Mystery project But on the way back, it's just hell It ruins whatever experience you had because it's just awful.
3:53Maria McErlane:But now you see, I've found a way to get over that. Is it drugs? Yes. That's exactly what it is. No, you taught me that when I travelled with you and your husband from somewhere. I can't even remember where we were coming from. Oh, I know. Ireland. Oh, yes. And you said, oh, this is where we leave you here. And I joined a queue which was 900 people long. and you scurried off into business class. The fast track. So now, I mean, you know, it's great that we have cheap flights, etc. But it makes my soul die. So I now go business class. Except, and this is so... Controversial. First world problems.
4:34Ah, yes. Often there is no fast track. Often it's written on your ticket. You're going, where is the fast track? And they just go, that, that melee.
4:43Maria McErlane:Oh, get in the queue with everyone else. That horrible mess of humanity. That's what you've got. What they're saying is, just because you're on the telegram, Norton. They didn't know. If they knew. They've never seen a television. It's just in there. And you kind of think, oh, I think the fast track might operate between kind of, you know, 9 and 11. But then you're just not getting it. Oh, the other, this is my new annoying thing. Oh, yes, tell me your peeves about airport. My new annoying thing about airport are the new machines where you don't have to take anything out. And you think, oh, that's good.
5:13I don't have to take my toiletries out. I don't have to take my laptop out. I put it all through.
5:17Maria McErlane:And they make you take it out anyway. Yeah, because the technology isn't quite up to it. So they make everyone take stuff out on the other side. So it lulls you into kind of a, oh, isn't this great? Look what technology's done for us. And then technology's done nothing for us. So now at the other end, they all get pulled aside and you've got to take them out again and prove that there's something bad. But just at a different point of your journey. Yes. I like the fact that you've been lulled. Here's my other thing. if they went down the big long queue and said, right, you stay in the security line or risk it for a biscuit.
5:49What does that mean? Well, you know, let's just hope there's no terrorists on this plane.
5:55Maria McErlane:Oh, right, yeah, yeah. I would definitely, I would go, right, I'm on. Let's do it. Wouldn't you? I like the fact that you're making it into a game show. Yeah, well, you know, do you want to stand in this queue? In fact, idea for game show. You might have trouble getting that through. a friend of mine he was getting on a plane from Strasbourg you know Stefan thanks I like the details you do know him anyway he knew the person on the check in because Strasbourg is a small place everyone knows everyone so the person at check in leans forward this was right after Salman Rushdie's fatwa and he leaned forward and he went oh you're playing to London Salman Rushdie's on it, right?
6:41Don't tell anyone.
6:42Maria McErlane:I would go, send me availability later. So Stefan didn't care. He just got on the plane. Don't tell anyone. And so they're all waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Then at the last minute, a sort of little figure comes on, kind of hunched, and sits in the front seat. And the person beside him goes, oh, that must be who we're waiting for. And Stefan goes, actually, that Salman Rushdie, all hell broke loose. Oh, no. This person started screaming, wanting off the fly. It was carnage. And that's Stefan's fault. All Stefan's fault. No one knew he was there. And yeah, about 20 people got off the plane, a la you.
7:21Maria McErlane:No, I don't think I would. I wouldn't have got a plane. I think I would have done the... Once I'm on a plane, I'm not getting on. Yeah, exactly. Come on, shut the door. They can tell me that there are hijackers on their possible bomb and I'd still go, yeah, but what's for lunch? Yeah. Can I leave my case? So heavy. I got it in there once. When I was very, very young, we didn't have very much. Did they have planes? Only just the Wright brothers were my neighbours, actually. We didn't really have holidays because we didn't have any money. But one day, we went up in the car to London Airport, and we just stayed there at London Airport, watching people come in and greet.
8:02Maria McErlane:And now I think back and I think, I had a terrible childhood. No, we did that as well. We went to Dublin. Did you? And I remember there was kind of a big balcony bit, already exciting, a balcony. I think it's a viewing platform. A viewing platform. And we went down and we looked at the plane arrive and the plane leave. It wasn't very busy in Dublin Airport in those days. Just one plane? Just the one plane. A day. The Pope got off, kissed the ground, got back on. No, he didn't. No. It wasn't even that exciting. You should have gone with that story, frankly. But I do like the idea of going to London Airport for the day.
8:32Yes.
8:33Maria McErlane:In the modern world now where everything is so fast apart from airports. It'd be nice Gordon Ramsay to queue at. Yes, exactly. Design efficiency. So much to do. I know. I don't have time. Somebody sidled up to me at one point when I was at the airport. Yeah, I know there's some weirdos and said, this is the best place to shoplift. Oh, have they listened to us on this podcast? That must have done. Yeah. They must have read something about me. Thanks very much. You ain't seen me, right? I always find, the people I find fascinating, you know when you're at the gate and they're going, you know, this is the last call for Jerry and Mary, blah, blah, blah, for flight to da-da-da.
9:16Where are they? Like, what are they? Because they got to the airport, they checked in their bags. Ten to one, they're in the oyster bar,
9:25Maria McErlane:downing their second bottle of champagne. What are you doing? People misunderstand how long it is to get to the gate. Often it's a 10-minute walk. Okay, I think it's time we delve into this week's dilemmas. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry. So you're always supported during an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT.
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11:10Maria, without further ado, could you rip open an envelope?
11:14Maria McErlane:Oh, you'd like me to do that. And if there's a letter inside, could you read it aloud? What if there's not? I know, that would be disappointing. We'll have to talk more about it. And I, for one, am looking forward to that. Our algorithm. them. Dear Graham and Maria, I've been happily married for 30 years. Well done. But my wife, and I'm going to start to laugh now, but my wife has just started to smell. Is she dead?
11:48Maria McErlane:I've been monitoring her showers. Who's going to tell him? I think it's over. You've had 30 years. Be grateful. Now call the undertaker. Sorry, sorry. Good job this is anonymous. Otherwise we'd have to... Okay, keep going, keep going. Yeah, yeah. Happily married to my... Oh, this is a smile. I've been monitoring her showers and she seems to put on clean clothes every day. So I have very little explanation. It's rather pungent and I'm wondering if it's something medical. How on earth do I broach this? She is blissfully unaware. And that is rightly so from Anonymous. My goodness, Anonymous. Listen, you have been married for 30 years.
12:39Maria McErlane:So I'm guessing there's not much that you haven't broached with each other about life and all this. There is a medical condition and it's about 93 syllables long, which makes one smell slightly fishy. Have you heard of this? I'm not going near this. Someone will tell me something. I'm not going to tell you. Someone will tell me something in a minute because I did look it up. Well, it's definitely medical. I remember years ago working in a restaurant. Medical, you're saying medical. Medical. Working in a restaurant with this beautiful woman. She's a model. And very strange odour. And it turned out it was like a hormonal thing.
13:21Maria McErlane:It's a genetic thing. This one with 93 ,000 syllables. It's a genetic problem. But you can, there's no treatment, but you can make it better by not eating certain foodstuffs, offal and eggs and various things that you would expect. Fish, I think, is one of them as well. Yeah, I mean, I think the problem here is, presumably what an anonymous is looking for advice is, how do you bring it up? Because it's very hard to say, particularly because if you said it the first time you noticed it, then it's an easy thing, because then it's just a kind of, oh, what's that smell? Oh, it's you. But I think now it's very difficult to kind of go, I've noticed for the last...
13:59Maria McErlane:Well, yeah, but she doesn't know that he's thinking that. So whenever he decides to say to her, you smell a bit funny, it can be the first time he's noticed. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, except, well, if she's going to a doctor, she needs to know how long it's been. Yeah, yeah, I suppose. But the disease that I think I'm talking about is called T-M-A-U, which stands for many syllables. but it is a genetic thing and does produce a rather fishy odour. Anonymous doesn't say it, he just says it's pungent, which is a great word, and covers a multitude of smelly sins. I think it's really weird, isn't it?
14:36Maria McErlane:You've been married to somebody for 30 years and you can't say, I mean, how do you, do you wait until you're in bed and go, oh, what's that smell? I wouldn't do it for going to sleep. I would do it when you're about to leave the house. I'm just going to the shops and maybe sometime you stink. Shall I get you some deodorant? It's a really difficult one because what you want to do is get her to understand that she's clearly gone nose blind to this. Well, I think people do. You don't smell yourself. Well, it's like, you know, when people put cologne on and your eyes are watering because they're wearing so much, but they can't smell it.
15:11Maria McErlane:Yeah, so you do get it. So, I mean, you want her to know, so you have to kind of sit in a relaxed way because what's that smell? Well, no, you know what it is. I know, but you're trying to get her to understand. But I don't think you're going to sniff the air and kind of go, is that the dog? You know, I think you know that it's her. So you kind of go, this is weird. It's not a criticism, but I just know. Well, I don't know what you say. It is a criticism. But there's a way, there has to be a kind of a, it's never going to be good news. You know, no one's going to be, oh, thank you so much. That's great to hear.
15:48Thanks for all your feedback. No, it's never going to like... But I think you have to say something.
15:53Maria McErlane:So maybe the best thing to do is say, there's no easy way to say this, Graham, but you know how much I love you, but there's a very strange smell coming from you. Have you noticed it? Yeah, and I've Googled it already, and it turns out it might be this, and why don't you make an appointment? T-M-A-U. And yes, why don't you go and see the doctor? Yeah, I think that, you know... Bye, see you later. What's for dinner? Ish. I left it out, did I not mention? You are bad. You are going straight to hell. I know. No, but honestly, Anonymous, I think that's, you know, obviously it's difficult for your wife because she's got this medical condition.
16:32Presumably you develop it? Or she hasn't always had it.
16:37Maria McErlane:I don't know. I mean, you know, they've been together 30 years. Menopause does strange things to people's hormones. So, you know, we're not doctors. So I would... Graham thinks he is. But I would... A bold statement. Certainly they're going to know a lot more than we do or I do. And it sounds like it is something that has to be dealt with by someone who knows what they're talking about. I mean, what we're dealing with here is your difficulty in telling her. Yes, I think the husband has done all sensible things. He's made sure she's washing, made sure she's putting on clean clothes. Those are the...
17:08He's monitored her. We'll leave that. But look, he's done a sensible thing. He has. Rather than, you know, because of that, it's not those. So clearly there's something else going on here. Now, did somebody buy her a very, very bad perfume or it's a medical thing? One of those things. But it's never going to be easy. But you have to broach the subject.
Read the full transcript
17:32Maria McErlane:I think, you know, as we said, by saying this is really hard for me to say. And I hope you realize how much I love you. Yeah, I love you so much. I haven't mentioned it for three months. that's how much I love you because I didn't want to bring it up and I thought it might didn't want to spoil our holiday because I know how much you love airports and also I didn't want you know I thought it might go away and so I wasn't going to to tackle it shall we see what our wangers ah these are dedicated listeners who have emailed in you could do it too and become one of them wanging on at listen.co.uk and then you get early eyes on some of the problems these people did that what do they have to say yeah Debbie says after 30 years I'm guessing that you can talk to each other about anything.
18:16Oh, you'd be so wrong, Debbie. So wrong.
18:19Maria McErlane:I think it gets harder. To broach the subject, tell her that you think your own smell has changed. She might say yes. Ask if you think it could be down to age, washing powder or soap, because you've noticed that hers has too. Diplomacy is key here, as you don't want her to think that you've not been honest with her. Yeah, I know. So if you feel that it's been going on for a long time. I mean, actually, that's not the worst advice in the world. to kind of own it a bit. To say, my smell has changed too. Yes, someone at work said, I smell a bit different. Yeah. And I've noticed you do too, but yours is worse.
18:53Maria McErlane:And then to add as an afterthought, I mean, we're all rotting from the inside, aren't we? That's lovely. Yeah. That is nice. Can I get you a cake with your tea? And hold her very tightly. Sorry. Thank you very much, Debbie, for that. Frank says... The good thing is she's still alive. We thought she was dead at the beginning. Every cloud. Yes, maybe start with that. I feared you had died. But it turns out you were just alive and smelly. Which is worse, I don't know. Frank says, why don't you ask, oh, very good, Frank, just, you know, pass the buck. Why don't you ask one of her female friends if they've noticed, if they have, get them to broach.
19:34Maria McErlane:This is the line manager again, isn't it? Get them to broach the subject. Ladies have these conversations far more easily with each other. then you get to stay out of it. Frank, you're a twit. That's too much to ask a friend to do. Yeah. And that's horrible. Yeah. We have a voice note. Ah. Vicky. One of my favourites. Vicky, what does Vicky say? This is her voice. So my advice here could go one of two ways depending on your marriage, I guess. One, you drop a subtle hint, buy her maybe some nice soap or some shampoo, see if that helps. Or the other option, you just be honest with her. Tell her.
20:12Maria McErlane:Maybe suggest some medical advice. You never know what's going on. Vicky, I think there's only one option there, the medical advice. You can't buy someone's soap. Yeah. Like that's, you know. Well, if you buy someone's soap and shampoo, you've got to leave a card that says you stink. Well, you don't need to. No, I don't. Yeah, it's all out there. Any more? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary says, congratulations on 30 years of marriage. We should really equip you for any conversation you need to have. Even the awkward stuff shouldn't be that difficult. Just say outright, I love you, but you've started to hum.
20:46Maria McErlane:That's a great word, isn't it? Hum. Hum. It's so much better than stink or smell. She'll appreciate it coming from you rather than someone else. Will she, though, Gary? Will she? I don't think no one will ever want to hear this. Liz says, say it in a gift. Wee ladies. Oh, another one of those. Oh, posh soaps. Wee ladies love posh soaps, scented candles, perfume. Throw money at the problem for the sake of a happy marriage. well listen anonymous we did our best good luck with that awkward conversation if you decide to attempt it we'll have our second dilemma in but a moment sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff like running gear for cruising up the trail and the super athletic ish stuff like fishing gear for chilling by the creek nice cast fitness apparel to push for higher reps you got this and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one or a few head to sierra or sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all from athletic to athletic sierra's got it i get so many headaches every month it could be chronic migraine 15 or more headache days a month each lasting four hours or more botox on a botulinum toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine it's not for those who have 14 or fewer headache days a month prescription botox is injected by your doctor Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms.
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22:39Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. We're back. As luck would have it, Maria has another problem.
23:18It's in an envelope. Yes, it is in an envelope.
23:20Maria McErlane:Thank you very much. The second envelope. It is, yeah. There's only two letters. Yeah, it's like you're working with your nana. No! It's an awkward conversation to be had. You smell. Dear Graham and Maria, I'm about to have a big birthday, turning 60. I've drawn up my party list, but I'm reluctant to include a couple I have known for 40 years. We're all politically on more or less the same page, but this couple have gone down the conspiracy theory tin hat route lately. and they've caused scenes at previous gatherings. I just don't want the worry of there being a scene on my special day, but if I leave them out, it will be the end of our friendship.
24:03Maria McErlane:They are both very kind and loyal, but they really can't be trusted to keep their views to themselves, especially after a drink. Ooh, what should I do? And that is from Amy. That is a dilemma, Amy. I would say go with your gut instinct. Don't invite them. I mean, it sounds like the friendship's over anyway. Well, you've already decided that politically, you know, you're going down different paths here because you say everybody coming to my party is more or less politically on the same page. I do think that there's a problem putting together people who may disagree, especially after a drink. And when somebody's going to be a 60th birthday party, it's going to be a mad drink.
24:43Maria McErlane:Everyone's going to be completely drunk. And that's when things kick off. And also, you don't want to be, you know, panic-stricken about your birthday. So if you think that something's going to kick off, it normally does, and you'll be sort of agitated all night. And also, these people have form. It's not like, oh, what a surprise those people started weighing on about their mad conspiracies. They've done it before at other gatherings. So avoid, avoid. It strikes me, conspiracy theories are stupid people's way of thinking they're clever. Because, oh, look at me, I've found out something or something that the mainstream media don't know.
25:21Maria McErlane:Have you, though? No, exactly. And it's that sort of thing, kind of like, oh, everyone thinks that, you know, whatever, drinking water is good for you, but in fact it's killing you from the inside out. Whatever it is. I'm going to use that one, by the way. Just bore off. Spout your conspiracy theories somewhere else. Not in my time. Does Amy take them out for dinner prior to this event? I mean, I'm just trying to kind of ameliorate the situation here with some kind of possibilities. But why? But you take them out and you say, I'm not inviting you because, you know, so-and-so is going to be there and you know how argumentative they can be, but I thought we'd have a nice dinner.
26:01Maria McErlane:And then they can kind of go, well, we're furious that we're not coming to your big party, so we never want to see you again. Exactly. So why bother them for dinner? Why are they at the expense of a dinner when they're going to be put out anyway? So are you just cutting ties, period, then? They're annoying, stupid people. It's time this happened. It's high time this happened. Send them a tin hat each and just say, you're not coming to my party. See the clue in this package. Yes, fashion some hats out of tinfoil and send them that. I just, you know, I get it. I think it happened to a lot of people in lockdown where they spent far too long on the internet.
26:37And they, you know, all sorts of vaguely sane people went a bit doolally in that time.
26:43Maria McErlane:And a lot have not come back. No, they haven't come back. And, you know, it's sad. It is sad that people now don't trust perfectly sensible normal things. And, you know, look, there's probably some truth in some of those conspiracy theories, but kind of who cares? You know, you still have to get up in the morning. You still have to muddle through your life. You still got to pay the rent, Graham. Yeah, you know, even if the glue on envelopes causes cancer or something. You know, just, you know. But then, I mean, Amy just has to be prepared that this will be the end. Yeah, I would make that part of the celebration.
27:18I'm 60 and I never have to see those people again. You know, it's a win-win as far as I'm concerned. I mean, it's sad. Helpful, Amy. No, I just say it's sad. 40 years of friendship is a lot. Nothing lasts forever. Not only have things changed, they've changed. They're literally not the people you knew. The people you knew and had a laugh with and shared interests with and political views with, they're gone. and in their place are these numpties. So don't spend time with them.
27:48Maria McErlane:It always makes me laugh when people say about, you know, we're getting divorced because we have changed at different levels and we want different things now about their marriage that maybe has been 15 years long. But they don't seem to realise that everyone else is changing as well. So friendships that you think, I've known you for 40 years, we should stay friends forever. But people change, everyone changes. Yeah. At different levels and at different times. And so... I think what's happened is this party, Amy, has just brought it to a head. You know, this has focused your mind. If this party wasn't happening, you would muddle through and you'd see them at someone else's party and you'd roll your eyes.
28:25Yeah, you'd roll your eyes and go, dear God, they're off again. You know, no, sheep don't have antenna. You know, they're not watching you. It's fine.
28:35Maria McErlane:I like all your conspiracy theories. Don't you know that one? You believe them, don't you? Yeah, don't you know that one? You came up with most of them. The Russians stole all our sheep and returned them with antenna. And actually, bits of antenna are in your jumper. Are they? Yeah. The Russians can follow you if you wear wool. Oh, my God. It's good that, isn't it? Yeah. I like these conspiracy theories. They make life more interesting. See, that's the trouble. They kind of do. Yeah, for some people. Yes, for dull... I find life hard enough without having to think about things like that. I'm with you.
29:03I am with you. You know, we have to walk on gravel sometimes.
29:07Maria McErlane:Owie! Ow! Isn't there enough to worry about? Amy, I'm afraid you're losing these friends, but Graham, I think I feel it's no great loss. I don't think it's any great loss. Wangers, speak out. What do they have to say? They'll have something to say. Faye says, if they've caused scenes in the past, then you're well within your right not to invite them. It's your special day. If they act offended, tell them it was a small gathering and you didn't want a repeat of past incidences. That's good. Michelle says, if it's a 60th birthday party, chances are there will be plenty of people to keep you busy and distracted from one couple.
29:47Maria McErlane:Surely most of your friends and family already know what they're like and probably won't care if they start being weird. The length of your friendship with these people should also mean something. Don't be silly and ruin a friendship this long or because of one night. Well, that's interesting, Michelle. Also, I've just remembered I did go to a birthday party. Oh, yeah. And there was a couple that we didn't know, and they got into conspiracy theories, and we were all delighted to talk to them. Because you were laughing at them. Well, yes. But actually, they were a highlight of the evening, and they were the couple that we all talked about the next day because they were so cray-cray.
30:21And it really filled us with joy. So actually, I've changed my mind. Invite them. Invite them.
30:27Maria McErlane:Yeah. No, I don't think... I mean, that's food for thought, Michelle, but if you're going to be on edge, who are they going to... So they might pick on somebody really innocent who doesn't really want to get into a fight and then it'll all kick off. And I think drink slash conspiracy theories are never fun, shall we say? Never fun. Apparently alcohol's bad for you. Pass it on. Andy says, if you've been friends for 40 years, then it sounds like you can elevate them to a separate dinner. Treat them like they're special. They're not buying this. And do something separate. turn their exclusion into a compliment.
31:05Maria McErlane:Nah. I feel they may sense there's a conspiracy theory and this one's real. Trevor says, if you want them there, just give everyone else the heads up. That slightly odd couple are coming. Please don't be offended if they go off on one. You shouldn't have to do this, by the way. A party is a party. Everyone will just make it work so as not to spoil your day. You could say I've hired some party entertainment. They're two mad conspiracy theories. In other words, Bill, you hire a drunk duchess. to go to a corporate event. Well, then, in which case, you could indeed, Amy, hire lots of different mad people so that they don't stand out quite so much.
31:41Maria McErlane:And make them wear tinfoil hats. That's going to a lot of trouble and expense. I would say just don't have them. Amy, whatever you decide to do, a very happy birthday from us. Okay, just time to finish with an am I weird? Now, you can send these or any weird dilemmas to wangingon at listen.co.uk. Who have we got Am I Weird from today, Maria? It's very funny. Oh, we're also on Instagram, by the way, at wangingon. Are we? I forgot that bit. This is Kelly, by the way. I don't know where Kelly is. Oh, yeah, Kelly is in Lincoln. And she says, this makes me laugh, and I like it. Am I weird that if I give anyone a lift, I make them sit in the back?
32:22Maria McErlane:I'm just so used to driving alone that anyone in the passenger seat is a massive distraction and makes me feel self-conscious. My boyfriend jokes that I'm a wannabe taxi driver. That's very good. I don't think you're weird. I think, you know, it's a nice thing to give someone a lift, but if you're feeling judged by somebody sitting there, if I was getting a lift with you, I would be thinking, thank God I don't have to wait for the bus. Yes. Oh, well, so I got confused. Oh, did you now? I got confused with... Talk me through your confusion. What's her name? No, Kelly. Kelly. Kelly in Lincoln. I thought Kelly was picking up hitchhikers, and I thought, never put a hitchhiker in the back.
33:02No, stab, stab, stab. Because I've seen the films.
33:05Maria McErlane:Like that, cheese wire. Yeah, you're dead. Yeah. But if these are people she knows, then I guess it's all right to put them in the back with the body. I wouldn't trust anyone, though. I wouldn't trust anyone with the cheese wire, frankly. I'd be driving like that the whole time, trying to get my neck down. Particularly in Lincoln, home of cheese. Home of cheese, well done. They all carry a cheese cutter wire there. Is it the home of cheese? Lincolnshire, isn't that a type of cheese? I don't know. I don't know. Milton Mowbray is nearby. Home of the pie. Home of the pie. And pie cutters, pie cutters.
33:41Kelly, I think you are slightly eccentric, but not weird. I think it's cute. Because actually, you're still doing a nice thing. You're giving people lifts. You're not saying, no one in my car. Yeah.
33:51Maria McErlane:Unlike you, you never give people lifts. I do. No, I'm joking. I just wanted to see how you'd react. Well, that's how I react. Yeah, good, good, good, good. I wonder if she makes the boyfriend sit in the back. How do we know she has a boyfriend? Oh, she says. Because she said my boyfriend jokes. I'm one of the taxi driver. There were several clues. I'm reading between the lines. I'm really, I'm just interrogating the text. I'm not myself today, Graham. I am not myself. Yes, she does. No, I think the boyfriend drives. Yeah. Kelly, you're not weird. Bit odd. I think you're very cute. Really? Yeah.
34:26Oh, my goodness.
34:27Maria McErlane:I like the fact that you say to people, sit in the back. Please don't think I'm weird, but sit in the back. Yeah, if you were saying, please slip into the boot. I was going to say that, yeah. That would be weird. Then I feel that is weird. Although, I would like to go in the boot. And just like that, we've reached the end of another edition of Wanging On with Graham and Maria. Oh, goodness. My brain is running out. Have I got anything to say? Yes, you do. Yes, I do. And remember, I need to say this. We are not experts. Please, if you need proper help, go and see somebody, especially for the first problem, if you have a smelly thing happening in your life.
35:04Maria McErlane:Don't look at me. I know. Go to the doctors. Seek medical help. As always, there is more information on our Instagram, at wangingon. And thanks to everyone who shared their advice today, as well to our wangers who shared their dilemmas. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a listen production. Have a great week. Yeah. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.
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36:25Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hello. Look what TJ Maxx dragged in. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu. We are digital. We are downloadable. We are streamable. The fashion event of the year is certified fresh. Pull yourself together. We have work to do. Critics say it's smart and witty and the perfect sequel. That's all. Get runway ready for The Devil Wears Prada 2 on Disney Plus and Hulu. Rated PG-13.
From the publisher
How do you tell your partner that they smell? Graham and Maria advise on this - plus they also discuss what to do about conspiracy theorists, and share their pet peeves about airports. It's all in episode 3 of their brand new weekly podcast!
To take part in the show, email WangingOn@listen.co.uk
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label.
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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