AI Is Writing Birthday Cards Now. We’re Done.

5:41Graham Norton:And listen, that's me, Graham Norton. You know, like imagine if you're George Clooney or Meryl Streep or something. I mean, they must have so much of it.

5:51Maria McErlane:Yeah.

5:51Graham Norton:Here's a really sad one. One in five people use AI to write birthday cards.

5:55Maria McErlane:How hard can that be?

5:57Graham Norton:I mean, even I could do that. Happy birthday. Hope it's a good 'un. Am I AI now?

6:01Maria McErlane:No, but probably the AI says, happy birthday. You may wish to play golf on your birthday. Here are your nearest courses. You may wish to go to an archery class.

6:12Graham Norton:Yes, wishing you a peaceful and happy day and a successful year ahead. I mean, it must be some rubbish like that. The thing is, if you want to write more than have a good one, then it is, my brain stops then too, because actually, I don't know what to say to you. But you don't want to read. If somebody writes a lot in your birthday card, you immediately go, oh, like I've got time to read this. Don't you know how old I am? I just need to have a good one.

6:41Maria McErlane:I like that. Have I got time to read this card from somebody I don't know or care about? I'm 63. I think people use them a lot to write best man speeches and the like. Oh. But then surely they're all kind of the same best man speech. They will end up being the same. They have to end up being the same. I would like it to do something like the hoovering, you see. I know.

7:01Graham Norton:Like that computer hoover. Have you got one of those? We bought one. Oh. But I mean, here's one of those things. So they started selling them and they're terrible. And you thought, oh, they'll get better. No. No, they still can't understand what a table leg is. You know, it's just...

7:16Maria McErlane:Like a bunting against a table leg. You should put that in your stand-up set.

7:24Graham Norton:My tight 10 minutes about computer hoovers.

7:27Maria McErlane:Because also you could include the garden cutters.

7:31Graham Norton:Now, that one does look quite good.

7:33Maria McErlane:Does it work?

7:34Graham Norton:Because where does the grass go? Because it's quite small.

7:37Maria McErlane:You do have to empty it.

7:39Graham Norton:But is there an AI rake? No, I think what they do is when they get full,

7:46Maria McErlane:when they get full, those little robots that cut the grass, they kind of just go over here and then they vomit the grass out of their bottom and then they carry on. And you get lots of little piles of grass vomit that they've dumped.

8:01Graham Norton:That rats can live in?

8:02Maria McErlane:Well, no, you just go round after it and pick up the little piles. But see, already that's more work for me. What else are you doing?

8:10Graham Norton:Paying the gardener. Yeah. But no AI here. It's all humans who have what written to us. So we're going to get to those letters in just a moment.

8:19Maria McErlane:Kayak gets my flight, hotel, and rental car right. So I can tune out travel advice that's just plain wrong.

8:26Graham Norton:Bro, Skycoin, way better than points.

8:29Maria McErlane:Never fly during a Scorpio full moon. Just tell the manager you'll sue. Instant room upgrade.

8:36Graham Norton:Stop taking bad travel advice. Start comparing hundreds of sites with Kayak and get your trip right.

8:42Maria McErlane:Bad advice? You talking to me?

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9:53Graham Norton:Maria, please open a letter and read it

9:57Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, since moving into my own home two years ago, I've developed a huge interest in interiors and making my home beautiful. Great. And unique to me. However, my sister keeps sourcing the exact same piece of furniture for her home. The last time her husband visited, he remarked, oh, you have the exact same record player as us. And it frustrated me because she got theirs after seeing mine. Recently, I've transformed the tiniest room in my house into a nursery for my newborn. It has been a labour of love and I've poured my heart and money into making it beautiful. It's so small that aside from the cot, it only fits two other pieces of furniture, a children's bookcase and a shelving unit.

10:41Maria McErlane:Weeks ago, my sister told me that she got the exact same bookcase for her nursery and recently she casually mentioned that she was driving to pick up the exact same shelving unit at a fraction of the price that I had paid, ironically. She knows I don't love it when she copies me, but she thinks it's ridiculous that I care about our homes looking increasingly similar. Am I within my right to be peeved, or are my feelings of frustration indeed ridiculous? And that's from Chiara, C-I-A-R-A. Chiara? Chiara. Chiara. Chiara, I mean, flattery is what, what is it Oscar Wilde said? It's the something,

11:18Graham Norton:what did he say? Stupid Oscar Wilde.

11:21Maria McErlane:I think, Chiara, there's a limit to this. Once she's covered everything in your house, it's finished. How many pieces of furniture are you going to buy?

11:32Graham Norton:The thing is, when Chiara says, you know, am I within my rights to be peeved or am I feeling so much? Are you going to be ridiculous? I think both. Yeah, yeah. I think it's both. The only way to get around this, because actually it is so annoying, it must be, oh, it just drove you crazy, is you somehow have to just go, I'm choosing not to be annoyed by this let that woman do whatever she likes she lives over there with her husband and hopefully a child because she's now got a nursery yeah that would be that would be weird if she didn't frankly oh we've got the same kennel no dog

12:05Maria McErlane:we've got the same baby I went to the same place you went to to get your baby our babies are identical

12:11Graham Norton:so I feel like that's really the only solution because otherwise you do appear to be quite petty and think, you know, obviously there's lots of things, Chiara, you can do to prevent this. You know, you can buy secondhand furniture.

12:26Maria McErlane:I was going to say, buy things that are slightly more unique and then that avoids her, although she was going over to fetch her cheaper bookcase than yours. But, you know, it will be finished at some point. There's only so much furniture you could have in a house and if she's got every single piece...

12:42Graham Norton:Then it'll be clothes, then it'll be something else, then it'll be, you know, I feel like there'll always be something. And also, in a minute, there's going to be two kids in this thing. Yeah, and so they'll have the same outfit. Same outfit, same schools, same jobs.

12:55Maria McErlane:But you've told her, and she thinks that you're being ridiculous and foolish. She doesn't have the imagination that you have, Chiara, so do take it as a compliment that she's having to copy. That's so hard, though. I mean, there is a reason why people get interior designers to make their house into an interior designer's version of what they think their house should be. You know, I quite like, and you do too, making it personal, getting like unique pieces and so on. So go down that route because then she won't be able to copy you.

13:27Graham Norton:And she can try and then her house can be similar. Like she could use the same colours and things, but she won't find that rug that you found in. And also it's quite fun poking around. If you like interiors and Chiara apparently loves.

13:40Maria McErlane:She's found a new interest.

13:41Graham Norton:Oh, she's found a new interest in making her house lovely and unique.

13:43Maria McErlane:And it means her sister doesn't have to bother her pretty little head about thinking what to do. She just copies.

13:48Graham Norton:But I think if you do like interiors, Chiara, then poking around, you know, furniture warehouses, old antique shops and stuff, it's really good fun.

13:58Maria McErlane:Online, you can do that now. I mean, I'm imagining that this is a younger sister who possibly always has you up on a kind of older sister pedestal. So I think you have to kind of suck it up. Again, there are worse things to happen and take it as some form of flattery. And you've told her already that you don't like it. She thinks you're being silly. I'm not sure you can fall out with her over this. It's really not worth it.

14:22Graham Norton:It is. But equally, I totally get, Chiara, that it is going to be hard to get to a place where you're fine about it. But you do need to get to that place because right now you've allowed it in.

14:37Maria McErlane:Yeah.

14:37Graham Norton:And it's just eating away with you. And you won't be able to enjoy your lovely new nursery because all you'll be able to think about is that vile bitch She got that bookcase cheaper than I did. Yeah.

14:49Maria McErlane:I mean, you can say to her, stop copying me.

14:51Graham Norton:But I think she kind of has said that. And then she hasn't. And she's just gone, oh, what do you like, Chiara? I know, because I've got it all here. I've told this story before. I'm not sure if I told it on here or on the radio. But when we were in Ireland, down the road, there was a bungalow and a new family moved in from Canada. And, you know, we said hello to them and that was very good. Now, without telling them, this is the weird bit, without telling them, their next door neighbours in Canada bought the house next door in Ireland and moved in. Like, that would drive you insane, wouldn't it?

15:30Maria McErlane:Did they like these neighbours in Canada?

15:32Graham Norton:Not that much. Like, it was clearly kind of a weird, like, it was this. It was this.

15:39Maria McErlane:I mean, that is like the beginning of a Harlan Coburn kind of story, isn't it? Starring James Nesbitt.

15:45Graham Norton:Yes.

15:46Maria McErlane:And his ever-changing hairline. I love James Nesbitt, by the way. And his ever-changing hairline. Yes, yes.

15:53Graham Norton:But you know what I mean? It's that level of kind of like, oh, dear God.

15:58Maria McErlane:Why did they not let them know? Why didn't they say, oh, by the way? Surprise!

16:02Graham Norton:Oh, that is spooky.

16:03Maria McErlane:Isn't it terrible? Yeah. Yeah. In fact, I'm sure I've seen that Harlan Coben story. I think you've just stolen it from that.

16:10Graham Norton:If you haven't, you will. Yeah. I remember at the time, I was a child and I knew that's deeply wrong.

16:17Maria McErlane:Well, also you knew probably because your mum, Rhoda, probably said, would you believe that? Yeah. I mean, he was saying that to you. Would you believe that? They've only gone and moved in next door. Yeah.

16:26Graham Norton:And it was a very similar house. It was just insane. So I feel that's where Kiara is. But Kiara, you know, you've just, somehow you need to find your way through it. Have the wangers been in touch about this?

16:40Maria McErlane:Vicky and family say, hello, new wanger here. Hi, Vicky family.

16:44Graham Norton:Hi, hi, welcome along.

16:47Maria McErlane:He's so sincere, isn't he?

16:49Graham Norton:Great to have you.

16:51Maria McErlane:New wanger here, and I've involved the family in solving this one. As we all agree, you are right to be annoyed. Top suggestions here are, One, put large stickers on all your sister's duplicate furniture saying, as seen and copied from my sister's house. Okay. Two, put QR codes on your own furniture that take your sister to a website with a picture of you with your middle finger on.

17:16Graham Norton:Is it easy to make a QR code? I don't know. It must be. Ask AI. Well, AI would make one for you. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, because any tiny restaurant, you can do a QR code and they'll give you the menu. Yeah, it must be easy. Anyway, sorry, I interrupted Vicky and family. New wangers, welcome along.

17:32Maria McErlane:New wangers. Or three, sneak into your sister's house and saw through the legs of all her new duplicated furniture, just enough so it only collapses when she next puts something on it. You're welcome. Well, Vicky and family, it's very nice to hear from you as new wangers, but frankly, your advice is rubbish.

17:50Graham Norton:Yeah, but you're new. But you're new. You learn along the way. As bad as our advice is, best of all that.

17:58Maria McErlane:Bobby in Michigan oh look here we go Oscar Wilde Oscar Wilde's quote about imitation being flattery I love the way

18:04Graham Norton:he even he doesn't know it and he was at home with a computer like at least Google the fucking thing imitation being

18:11Maria McErlane:the best form of flattery when taken in full context was not a compliment but rather an expression of one's own lack of originality I completely understand your frustration we all do yes it's like when friends ask me where I bought a certain clothing item and then the next time I see them, they're wearing the same thing. So now I buy all my clothes when I travel out of the country. Good luck finding them. You really showed them, Bobby in Michigan.

18:36Graham Norton:Bobby in Michigan has a passport and isn't afraid to use it. Oh, loving an Oscar outlet shop.

18:47Maria McErlane:Wilds of Michigan. Robin in Ghent says, Dear sister of the copycat, I'm going to take a guess that this is a younger sister. As the older brother of a younger sister myself, I know how pesky these younger siblings can be in wanting to do everything the way that you do it. But honestly, I take it as a compliment. She clearly looked up to you. As for some more practical advice, try getting some unique pieces for your home like vintage or secondhand furniture, which your sister won't be able to copy. You could also customise some pieces by simply painting them in a colour you mix yourself. Change the hardware, get creative, design your own wallpaper, or even do a full Debbie Travis on the ceiling with a sponge.

19:29Maria McErlane:Who's Debbie Travis? Who's Debbie Travis? I have no idea.

19:32Graham Norton:Debbie Travis. Debbie Travis?

19:34Maria McErlane:A.I. Who is Debbie Travis?

19:37Graham Norton:A friend of Oscar Wilde. Debbie Travis is the best form of ceiling.

19:44Maria McErlane:Debbie Travis is obviously very big in Ghent. Kate says the copycat sister doesn't seem to really know what she herself likes. Why is that? This could be a lifelong sibling dynamic that needs exploring beyond the context of interiors. Oh, can of worms here, Kate. Another idea is that she makes some suggestions for the copycat sister's home interiors that are subtly different from her own. Otherwise, it sounds like there is potential to have some nice years together raising their similarly aged kids and enjoying that experience. Kate is trying to make it a nice thing. Well, do you know what?

20:17Graham Norton:If Kiera really does like interiors, when she goes around to the sister's house why doesn't she make suggestions like do you know it would look really well in here a big mirror there would reflect the light or why don't you get the same carpet in here as out there and it'll make the space look bigger

20:34Maria McErlane:I think that's the thing double down on it really Chiara I think rather than fighting it be helpful with it and then you won't feel quite so peeved I know she won't feel

20:43Graham Norton:like she's stealing your ideas

20:44Maria McErlane:maybe their house is exactly the same

20:46Graham Norton:no it's not it's not

20:47Maria McErlane:maybe the husbands are brothers Twins

20:54Maria McErlane:Maybe he's fathered two children One with Kiara And one with her sister

21:00Graham Norton:Well maybe the sister came in and stole sperm out of the bin Oh stop it now Yeah That'll be it That'll be it

21:07Maria McErlane:Glad we've sorted that one out

21:09Graham Norton:Yeah Oh he loved that shelving unit

21:15Graham Norton:Is that wood glue?

21:17Maria McErlane:Oh, stop it.

21:20Graham Norton:Great advice for the wangers. Thank you very much. Apologies if you didn't get to your comment. But of course, you could always leave one underneath this. What do you think? How should Chiara deal with her copycat sister? We'll have another problem in...

21:47Graham Norton:spring classic with lavender because this season there's endless ways to chai at starbucks just a moment wangers rejoice you can watch us on your tv hooray if you have a smart deli you

22:02Maria McErlane:can go to youtube or spotify and search for wanging on yeah it's great you can find our full episodes all of them so you can binge them all or you can watch us weekly like a normal person.

22:14Graham Norton:This is the brave new world of visualised podcasting, Maria.

22:18Maria McErlane:I am all over it. Stream-wanging on, on your smart telly, now!

22:25Graham Norton:Maria?

22:25Maria McErlane:Yes, darling?

22:26Graham Norton:Are there any more envelopes? No. Oh.

22:29Maria McErlane:Bye!

22:30Graham Norton:Am I weird at all? No, there's another envelope. Oh, there are? Oh!

22:36Maria McErlane:I was messing with your head.

22:38Graham Norton:Wow. A lot of people were really upset just then.

22:42Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, I have been in a relationship for two years now, and I've never been happier. This is my true love and the man I want to be with forever. I've been struggling as long as I can remember with sleep problems. Been to hospital for it, have medication, etc. It's been quite stable lately, but it's always a work in progress. However, my boyfriend has a tendency to snooze his alarm up to six times in the morning, and it's driving me mad! Exclamation mark. He has to be at work earlier than me, so he sets his alarm very early. In theory, meaning I get to sleep in and make up for the time that I've lain awake at night.

23:23Maria McErlane:However, listening to his alarm clock every 10 minutes, scaring the bejesus out of me and blocking me from getting my well-deserved last hour, turns me into a desperate mad monster. I've told him I'm really bothered by it. He claims to not be able to help himself and is simply not capable of getting up right away. Apart from this one flaw, he is truly the most perfect, amazing man to me. And I'll love him until we're old together. But how do I tackle this problem without the resolution being that we should sleep in separate rooms until we die? Please. And this is from the Netherlands and it's Laura who has sent this in.

24:01Maria McErlane:Now, Laura, if this is your only gripe about this man, I think you're doing very well. Really? Well, you know, it's not snoring, which is one of those things that most people can... But you can't help snoring. This, you can help. He can help, yeah. But if it is the her only gripe, there are lots of ways. You can get little earbuds with the alarm clock in your earbuds, can't you?

24:24Graham Norton:I just feel like... Look, Laura, honestly, how bad have your other boyfriend's been that this guy is the kind of... your prince charming?

24:33Maria McErlane:Because he doesn't hit the alarm when it goes off.

24:35Graham Norton:She doesn't just... It's not like, oh, I wish I could get a bit more sleep. She has a serious sleeping problem. She's been to hospital. She's got medication. And this guy kind of goes, no, sorry, I can't help myself. Six times. It's ten minutes in between. That's an hour.

24:50Maria McErlane:Well, you're quite exercised by this. It's an hour of hitting the snooze button. Yeah, that is quite lazy, isn't it?

24:55Graham Norton:I mean, I'd be hitting something else if I was Laura.

24:58Maria McErlane:I mean, I don't think there's anything bad with separate bedrooms either.

25:02Graham Norton:Or just different lives.

25:04Maria McErlane:Different boyfriend. No, she loves this boyfriend. You've got to find a way around it. But he doesn't love you. Well.

25:10Graham Norton:He doesn't love you. Yes, he does. No. She has a serious sleeping problem, and this git is hitting the snooze button six times. Like, so he set the alarm an hour before he actually needed to get up. I hate him. Oh, wow. I'm so agin him. Ah. You really are furious about this.

25:32Maria McErlane:Well, because it's such a selfish, horrible thing to do. It is quite selfish. But also, Laura, I mean, there are ways. You could be exactly as cross as Graham is with him and say, if you love me, you would sort this out because it is an hour before he needs to get up. Also, with the first alarm call, I would get, you know, your best foot and give him a massive boot up the backside saying the alarm's gone off and ditto for...

25:57Graham Norton:This is when you said you wanted to get up. Yeah. So get up.

26:00Maria McErlane:But make him have it in his ears and not in yours. You can get headphones that are noise cancelling, but he can get his alarm sent through. It's like he's doing this on purpose.

26:09Graham Norton:Well, that's what I mean. I feel like, yes, there are lots of practical, technical ways that you can solve this problem.

26:15Maria McErlane:You know, you just want him to man up.

26:17Graham Norton:You can put the alarm in the room next door. You can do all sorts of things. But the other thing he could do is just not do it. You know, just it's so selfish.

26:26Maria McErlane:What does he say? He can't help himself.

26:27Graham Norton:He can't help himself. Sorry, I can't help myself. I think that's that.

26:31Maria McErlane:I think Graham has hit him down on the head. He can. Yeah. He's not capable of getting up right away. What?

26:37Graham Norton:What? I mean, okay, hit the stew's button once. I'll give you that. It's kind of you. But, I mean, even that's pushing it. Because you are now in a relationship with someone who... Has sleep issues. It's not like a surprise. It's not like she's suddenly gone, oh, by the way, now you've fallen in love with me. Here's the sting in the tail. I have problems sleeping. He'll have known this all along.

26:58Maria McErlane:Do you think, Graham, that maybe this is his way of saying, I would rather sleep in a separate room. Because other than being profoundly selfish, it feels like he's trying to send her a message of some sort.

27:10Graham Norton:Like, I want you to stay awake all night and go mad.

27:13Maria McErlane:No, like, I would rather be in my own room. Because she's trying to avoid the problem of separate rooms. Lots of people sleep in separate rooms. And for lots of people, they say it saves their relationship for snoring and all other things. Two years, though. Two years. Yeah. It's a long time.

27:29Graham Norton:Oh, no, I think it's early days. Oh.

27:33Maria McErlane:It's a long time to have an alarm going off six times every morning.

27:36Graham Norton:Yes, that's two years, many days.

27:39Maria McErlane:How many hours sleep has she lost?

27:41Graham Norton:That's an hour every day. 365 times two. Yeah, that's an hour. Yeah, yeah. So she's lost days of her life because of this moron. Yeah. Laura, I think you're a very nice, patient person. The fact that the letter is so restrained and the boyfriend is still in the land of the living, I think it's extraordinary.

28:03Maria McErlane:Shall I see what the...

28:05Graham Norton:The wangers. Yes. The wangers have been in touch. I knew what they were called. Yes.

28:09Maria McErlane:Ken, on the central coast of New South Wales, Australia.

28:13Graham Norton:He's really painted a picture there, hasn't he? Yes, yes.

28:15Maria McErlane:Central coast.

28:16Graham Norton:Oh, yes, I get it, yeah.

28:17Maria McErlane:He says there's an app that's called Alarm Clock. You can make it so you need to complete a maths problem to turn the alarm off. It has helped me for years. And if that doesn't work, take matters into your own hands. When his alarm goes off, push him out of bed or nag him until he gets up. He'll soon get the picture. I do think violence might be the answer to this. I mean... And you can do it in your sleep. So you go, oh, I was dreaming that someone was attacking me. Yes, I was dreaming that I was dating a...

28:42Graham Norton:I was dreaming a selfish twat.

28:46Maria McErlane:Jason in Pimlico says, Buy your partner a daylight alarm clock, widely available for about£35. Thank you, Jason. Click through now to Amazon. It simulates a daylight to wake you without noise. Then buy yourself an eye mask so the light doesn't wake you. See, again, all these answers are for Laura to be doing, to be proactive rather than, you know.

29:10Graham Norton:Yes. And I have to say, that one does sound good, but you know what? It won't be enough for him.

29:17Maria McErlane:I feel there'd be another thing, won't there?

29:18Graham Norton:I feel like he doesn't want to solve this problem.

29:21Maria McErlane:Should we go and visit her? in your house.

29:24Graham Norton:Well, we should do an intervention.

29:25Maria McErlane:I think so. We've got a voice note, by the way. From Fleur! Yeah! Fleur!

29:30Graham Norton:Okay, so I think there's two options here that could work. The first one is just sort of get over it and get some earplugs because if this is, if everything's great other than this, this is a minor thing. Or get him a smartwatch that vibrates with his alarm

29:45Maria McErlane:and then that will have a no sound effect for you. Hopefully you stay asleep but the vibration means he'll wake up and then he could snooze that as many times as he wants.

29:53Graham Norton:Now, Fleur is someone who doesn't have any problems sleeping.

29:56Maria McErlane:Yeah.

29:57Graham Norton:Because Fleur thinks this is a minor problem.

29:59Maria McErlane:Well, also, vibration is going to wake you up, I think, Laura.

30:04Graham Norton:If it's big enough to wake him up, it'll be big enough to wake you up.

30:07Maria McErlane:Because I think this has now become such a thing for Laura that any kind of minor...

30:11Graham Norton:And also the thing in the bed will then be vibrating for an hour every 10 minutes.

30:15Maria McErlane:The thing in the bed. He was a git, now he's a thing in the bed. Murray says, what happened to give and take?

30:22Graham Norton:Yeah, Murray, what did?

30:23Maria McErlane:I'm thinking that he may not share the same level of devotion as he appears unable to hit the hay earlier so she can get her sleep time. Other than sleeping in separate rooms, I think the long-term relationship is at risk if they can't figure this out and compromise. I've talked this over with my dog Chester, and he agrees. If she can't get this worked out, hit the chicken switch and bail out now.

30:48Graham Norton:I haven't heard that before, the chicken switch.

30:49Maria McErlane:No, I haven't. But I think he probably got that from Chester.

30:54Graham Norton:Chester's constantly begging him, please hit the chicken switch.

30:57Maria McErlane:Give me chicken now.

30:58Graham Norton:Yeah, I've seen you inside of the fridge. There's chicken in there. Please hit the chicken switch. Laura, thank you so much for getting in touch and hopefully you get a good night's sleep soon. Laura sent her message to wangingon at distant.co.uk and I think she got some pretty good advice from the wangers. So if that's the sort of thing you need, you could send your dilemma to that very same email address. Yes, that's also where to send your Am I Weirds. Do we have one to wrap up the show, Maria?

31:24Maria McErlane:We do, Graham, and today comes courtesy of Joan in Hong Kong. Really? Yeah, we get around, man. We really do. Hi, Graham and Maria. Sometimes when I can't get into a book, I will read it backwards, chapter by chapter.

31:41Graham Norton:A very Chinese of you. Well, that is how you read books in Chinese.

31:49Maria McErlane:That way the book is revealed in a very different way. It's interesting and helps me concentrate on the words rather than a desire to know what's going on. Am I weird? Well, presumably you know the ending of the book.

32:04Graham Norton:Well, no, she definitely knows the ending of the book. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, that she knows.

32:09Maria McErlane:Yeah, because she's read it the wrong way around. Interesting to find out how it began. Is it, though? That's like, you know, not enjoying a book very much. You just go, oh, I can't get into this book. I'll just see what happens at the end. I do that sometimes. I do that sometimes.

32:21Graham Norton:Sometimes if I can't be bothered with all the guff in the middle, I'll just get to the end to see what did happen.

32:28Maria McErlane:And then you can go, I'm glad I didn't waste all my time reading that now because the ending was pretty disappointing.

32:33Graham Norton:Yeah, my mother often does that. She'll read the end of a book to make sure it's worth reading. And then she will still read the book.

32:38Maria McErlane:But then she is enjoying the process rather than going with the story. Because some people say, don't spoil it for me. Don't tell me what it's... I've read that book. Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. Sometimes the process is enough rather than what actually happened. But I think people often regard reading a book as like watching a television program. Like there's a beginning and a middle and an end. And you can't get to one bit. But I like this. I like this from Joan in Hong Kong.

33:05Graham Norton:Well, I certainly feel like a whodunit or something. That is all you want to know is whodunit.

33:09Maria McErlane:Yeah.

33:10Graham Norton:I mean, for Joan, it's a kind of a why did it? because she knows who the who is. She just needs to find out why and, you know, how it began.

33:22Maria McErlane:Yeah, I would quite like Joan to give me a kind of pricey of a book that she's read backwards.

33:28Graham Norton:Also, I feel like it would work with some books better than others.

33:31Maria McErlane:The Bible.

33:35Graham Norton:It was an apple.

33:41Graham Norton:Got it. Yeah. Got it. Wow, I didn't see that coming. Oh, I thought it was all about the baby, but no, it was on Apple. And also, I feel, Joan, if you can't get into a book, maybe try another book. I know, but some people...

33:56Maria McErlane:Is a book going to be better backwards? Some people are purists. I think you're one of these, actually, Graeme, that if you start a book, you finish it. I do. Whereas I'm very happy to just go, there are so many books that I want to read. I'm happy just to leave this one. It's not meant for me.

34:10Graham Norton:I often find that a book I'm not enjoying, but I kind of think I'm too far into this book now. I am going to finish it. There'll often be a page or even a paragraph or something way towards the end. I think, I'm glad. I'm glad I read that. I'm glad I lived through that scene or, you know, heard that little bit of wisdom or, you know, whatever. Or just, you know, had that emotion prompted. So it's often worth it. and I wonder, you know, because, you know, you know, you write books, I write books. This isn't how you imagine anyone reading them.

34:46Maria McErlane:But I'm pleased with it as a concept.

34:48Graham Norton:But you set things up to provoke a certain response. You know, this is going to be moving because you know that in chapter two, you know, she left the baby in the back of the car.

35:01Maria McErlane:I'm going to do this now with my next book I'm going to do. See if it works both ways. You know, yeah, people say when you're writing, you should read it out loud so you can make sure it makes sense. But I'm going to now read it from the end to the beginning. I don't think you're weird. I think you're interesting, Joan, in Hong Kong. What about you, Graham? I'm going to say not...

35:20Graham Norton:I mean, it is weird, but it's not weird enough to be called weird.

35:24Maria McErlane:We've had weirder, can I say?

35:26Graham Norton:You know what? You're not wrong. If you'd like to move backwards through the episodes from here, you'll get to the source material. And yeah, there's been a lot weirder, a lot weirder. That'll do us for this edition of Wanging On.

35:43Maria McErlane:Yeah, we're not experts. Remember, and we never will be, for genuine help with any of life's problems, get support in the proper way. And you can find a link on our Instagram, which is at wangingon.

35:54Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a list of production and we'll have a brand new episode next Monday. See you all then. Bye-bye.

36:04To be continued...