Annoying WhatsApp Groups, First Jobs and Graham's touching memento of his Dad.

7:23Graham Norton:Yeah.

7:24Maria McErlane:But you can get somebody to do a showreel for you. No, no, I don't want to watch anything moving. Oh.

7:29Graham Norton:No. I remember we had a show, and it was a failure. We did a chat show on Comedy Central in America, but there was a big billboard.

7:39Maria McErlane:Was it called Would You Rather?

7:40Graham Norton:No, it was called The Graham Norton Effect. Oh, okay. And there was a big billboard on Sunset Boulevard, and someone took a picture of it. And, you know, I'm not going to throw that away, because that's kind of an amazing thing.

7:52Maria McErlane:But you've got the wanging on billboard now.

7:54Graham Norton:Of course. Yes. Yes. Oh, heady days. Heady days.

8:00Maria McErlane:Have we talked enough about hoarding?

8:03Graham Norton:No. No, no. I feel we hit a nice full stop with the wanging on billboards. Yes, yes.

8:08Maria McErlane:That's what I was hoping for. But then I saw there was more coming from you.

8:12Graham Norton:I wish you luck with your move. We're nearly done. We're nearly done. Hey, it's time to sort things out for our listeners. A problem will follow.

8:23Maria McErlane:This episode is brought to you by I Swear, exclusively in cinemas from October the 10th.

8:28Graham Norton:And this is based on an incredible true story. I swear, it's one of those British movies where they just get it right. You know what I mean? It's moving, uplifting, and it tells the life of a man called John Davidson. And he's a Tourette's Syndrome campaigner. He grew up with the condition in 1980s Scotland. So you can imagine, you know, it was a time when the condition was little known and really misunderstood. and initially he was kind of alienated from peers and family and it took an extraordinary and transformative friendship alongside John's unwavering optimism to turn his life around and like I say, it's just one of those things, it's a really funny film but it's really heartfelt as well and, you know, hopefully inspiring.

9:15Maria McErlane:It's starring Robert Arameo and it's directed by Kirk Jones. It's the powerful, feel-good British drama that critics are calling uplifting and laugh out loud funny and a film that may just change someone's life.

9:27Graham Norton:I swear it's exclusively in cinemas from October. Do you hear that? Sounds like breakfast is ready because Quaker's coming in hot with morning nutrition, 100 % whole grain oats and a good source of fibre to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kickstart your day. And that sounds absolutely delicious. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26. I, oh, let's go! Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? Or a sweet vanilla? Smooth caramel, maybe. Or a white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits.

10:11Graham Norton:Find Starbucks frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. With the 10th. Please open the first letter. I said open to give you a clue.

10:21Maria McErlane:OK. Dear Graham and Maria, I have a big dilemma. Oh, I love it. This has been stressing me out and I need your help. I run a small accounting firm and I recently hired a young man on a six-month contract with a view to this then becoming a permanent staff position. He's got a great attitude. He's very keen. But so far, he's utterly hopeless. Oh, other staff members keep having to redo his work and the situation isn't getting any better. Here's the kicker. He's my friend's son. Uh-oh. As we approach the end of the six months, I can't stop agonising over what to do. If it was anybody else, I'd just let him go, but I think my friend would be really surprised and hurt.

11:10Maria McErlane:Plus, I definitely need to fill this role on a more permanent basis. Help, and that is from Selena. Oh, you see, Selina, I think, I love this letter, he's got a great attitude and he's very keen. But obviously he's quite young and he doesn't really know what he's doing. Maybe he's very nervous. You can teach a chimpanzee, you know, to write Shakespeare, can't you?

11:34Graham Norton:No, apparently you can't, Maria. I hate to be the one to break it to you.

11:39Maria McErlane:I read that somewhere on the internet.

11:40Graham Norton:That is not true. And also, if someone doesn't have aptitude for math, Keen as they are. They're not going to be any good in an accounting firm. I just feel like, Selena, I think the person you need to deal with is not your friend. It's the, let's call him a man, because he's got a job now. And he's a young man. And I think you need to sit him down and treat him with respect. Don't treat him like a child, you know. You need to talk to him and say, how are you finding this job? Oh. Well, because she's the boss. Selena is the boss. She's got to sit down and say, how are you finding this job? What are the bits you're finding difficult?

12:20Graham Norton:Now, if there is a way forward, if he says something that something unlocks in Selena, kind of, oh, is that why you're not very good at this? Then great, maybe they can solve it. You like making coffee. We can put you on that. Have you noticed the hedges outside are very overground?

12:38Maria McErlane:I'm already thinking, can you not give him a job at your production company? No, he's useless. He's very keen and he's got a great attitude. But useless. I know, but do you not know people, you've been doing this a long time and had a company for a long time, that started very badly and then found their feet? I'm trying to sort of stand up for him in some way because we don't start being great necessarily.

13:02Graham Norton:I think sometimes it is, not to blame your friend, Selina, but often I think it is parents who have not prepared children. They kind of think, oh great, they're going off to work. And sometimes I think young people get to an office and they might be keen, have a great attitude, but then they will just stand there looking around, kind of waiting for something.

13:23Maria McErlane:Feeling a bit nervous and helpless.

13:25Graham Norton:And kind of like, everyone seems to look very busy. And people are just looking at you thinking, what are you doing?

13:32Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think with young people, you do have to kind of almost give them a timetable of what they should be doing and when. And, you know, it is that thing sometimes if you give them someone to look after, then they're quite good at that. Can I get you something? Can I do that?

13:45Graham Norton:I remember back in the olden days where, you know. How many times do we say that? I know. Well, we're going to say it more. I know. But, you know, if we're having a guest on and they've done a feature in Heat Magazine or something, you'd send the runner out to the shop. Get the magazine. To get the magazine. I mean, I am more than once. Wrong one. No, lost. Oh, lost. Couldn't find their way back to the office.

14:10Maria McErlane:Oh.

14:12Graham Norton:I mean, that's not good.

14:14Maria McErlane:But you see, part of me kind of identifies with that because I know how awful it was when you were young and wanting to impress and not really knowing what to do or how to impress and not having any confidence. But being lost is pretty grim. I mean, they could have left little breadcrumbs in front of her office so they could find their way back.

14:34Graham Norton:Or ask someone. Anyone seen that Graham Norton? Have you seen him in this area? Do you know where he works? I mean, I remember when I was at drama school, maybe just after drama school, my friend ran a PR company. Yeah. And I was sort of like, you know, if they were out at meetings or doing pictures, because they're just the two of them. Yeah. And I would kind of go in and answer the phone and do filing and stuff. And yeah, I was terrible at it. I mean, it was like, my friend employing me, it was like charity work. It was just awful. Why were you so terrible at it? Well, filing is quite complicated.

15:09Graham Norton:It's normally alphabetical. No, but like, there'd be photographs of things and, you know, I'll file that onto B for bin. I think a lot of things weren't missing. B for boring. A lot of things weren't missing while I was there. And, you know, I would answer the phone and go, oh, yes, I'll send it to you directly. And then I'd hang up and go, oh, I don't know who that was. I can't find the thing I'm supposed to send them. All I remember about it was about early and earlier every day, I'd go, I'd have my lunch.

15:43Maria McErlane:8.30, starving.

15:46Graham Norton:It really would be about kind of a quarter to 10. And I'd be... And then it's a very long afternoon if you've had your lunch at 10 o 'clock.

15:55Maria McErlane:How long did you do this gainful employment?

15:57Graham Norton:I used to do it off and on. Okay. For quite a long time.

16:01Maria McErlane:See, I remember when my first job after leaving school was working for Tetley Tea Company and I did have to file. Oh, yes. I was, you know.

16:10Graham Norton:A lot of things for tea.

16:11Maria McErlane:A lot of filing under tea, exactly. And I would type things and then I'd have a copy to put in a file. I never once got asked to find anything from the file. That was lucky. No, yes, because I'd thrown it all away.

16:32Graham Norton:I mean, the thing is, a bad employee can really wreck a place.

16:38Maria McErlane:Can they, though?

16:39Graham Norton:Yes, they really can.

16:40Maria McErlane:I mean, that was quite a big organisation. And also, I'd probably typed the letter myself. And as you were talking about in a previous episode, Tippex that we had. Oh, yes, yes. If you Tippex on the front copy that goes to somebody, you can't really do more than one mistake because it looks bad. But then when you Tippex the behind copy and you've got carbon paper, you tip X that bit out as well because you've got to correct the file copy and then you don't let it dry properly and then it mixes with the carbon and it's just a big grey smudge.

17:11Graham Norton:Someone at Tetley is now going, oh my God, I remember those. It was her.

17:16Maria McErlane:Yeah, I asked her so many times for things from the file and she said yes and then nothing ever appeared.

17:21Graham Norton:But it is incredible the way things are kept. Like what I've been doing in Ireland and I got this big parcel. Yeah. And it was a letter from Guinness. Oh, yes. Where my dad used to work. Oh, yes. And they had the letter he had sent applying for the job. Oh. And it had been in a filing cabinet.

17:45Maria McErlane:Oh, my God, they sent it to you? Yeah. Just because you're famous?

17:48Graham Norton:Yeah. But they'd kept it that whole time. You know, it must be 70 years. Did that make you sad? I was really touched, the one they thought to send me. but also that, like, how big are their filing cabinets? I mean, that's a lot of stuff. And also, you weren't working there and nor was I because if we had been, they would never have found that letter.

18:10Maria McErlane:It's a sweet thing, but also, as you're getting rid of everything at the moment, have you still got it?

18:15Graham Norton:Yes, I do. Oh! Yes, yes. It's in my other house of shit in Ireland.

18:21Maria McErlane:Have you put it behind glass? It is behind, they sent it behind glass. Oh, did they?

18:25Graham Norton:Yeah, they framed it up and everything, yeah. because it was his handwriting. He'd written the letter using all the phrases from a book. He'd obviously been at how to apply for a job.

18:36Maria McErlane:Did he go to chat GPT? No.

18:38Graham Norton:Well done. He got there. Yay. No, he did not. Because he used to have those books. He did. Yeah. How to write a letter of thanks, how to write a letter of bereavement or condolences. Yeah, he obviously used the how to get a job one. I know. Adorable. But anyway, none of this is helping Selena. No, but it was a lovely story. So listen, but I do think the key here, Selina, is not to involve your friend.

19:04Maria McErlane:I know, but at some point she's got to speak to her friend as well. Oh, no. After she's spoken to the boy?

19:09Graham Norton:Totally after. And he's not a boy. Man. Man, all right, all right. He's a young man. He's got a job and you need to treat him with the respect that is it because you are paying him. Yeah. And luckily you've gone on to this six-month contract, which is great, Selina, because we all have a get out here and you can kind of go to him. I don't think you're happy here and hopefully he'll agree and then you can talk to the friend and go turns out he wasn't happy

19:34Maria McErlane:It's that awful thing when you sit someone down and say how do you think it's going? And you know what's coming and that's when you kind of go oh no, are you going to sack me? Please don't My mum will kill me She said I'd be no good Oh sorry Selina, we're not laughing at you we're laughing with you I think we're being rather helpful Yes, I think so too, in a way. But I am now that little boy. No, he's a man. He's a man. I am now that man who feels so blessed. You see, I think, Selina, you didn't give him someone who he could shadow. You know that thing when you just get mentoring. He needs a mentor.

20:13Maria McErlane:There isn't you. There's somebody who can say, oi, buck up your ideas. You didn't get in until half past nine this morning. We start at nine. Or that kind of thing about his accounting failures. Wangers.

20:24Graham Norton:Now, the wangers get early eyes on the problems. They emailed us. That's what they did. wangingon at listen.co.uk. You could do that too. And then you could be sending in responses like these people what did.

20:37Maria McErlane:Craig says it's a very tricky position to be in. However, the term investment in people should come to mind. Wow. Maybe put some time and finance into any courses he may need to improve. What? nurture his skill set, and hopefully he'll become a better member of your staff instead of just chucking him on the scrap heap. You see... It's Craig's dad. Yes. I kind of hear what Craig is saying. Yeah, but it's six months, and it's not a trainee scheme. I mean, I think... Well, I think that's where Selina went wrong, is that she didn't treat it as such, i.e. give him a mentor, give him someone to kind of, you know, guide him.

21:18Maria McErlane:He's got a great attitude, He's very keen, but he doesn't really know what he's doing. But it's accounting.

21:24Graham Norton:I mean, like, how much hand-holding do you need? You know, I just feel like it's a very specific skill. You know, it's things you either know how to do that or you don't.

21:37Maria McErlane:True.

21:38Graham Norton:Yeah.

21:38Maria McErlane:Angela says, Angela, different view. He's got to go. Capital letters. Why have you got to pay for a useless employee just because he's your mate's son? Yeah. What does Matt have to say?

21:50Graham Norton:Let's listen. So I think Selina needs to offer to do her friend's accounting pro bono, then let the son do the accounts. They'll soon realise he's in the wrong line of work with no intervention required. Matt should be hosting this show.

22:02Maria McErlane:Genius, Matt. Genius. Matt is genius. What are you doing next week? Can you come and join us, Matt? Because, frankly, we don't know what we're talking about.

22:09Graham Norton:No, that is such a good idea. Such a good idea.

22:12Maria McErlane:I mean, it's evil, but it's good.

22:14Graham Norton:But also hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Because they'll get behind with their tax. Yeah.

22:20Maria McErlane:And then they'll have the...

22:22Graham Norton:Their house will be repossessed. And then he'll be unemployed and won't have anywhere to live. Yes, well done, Matt. Very, very good. We couldn't have thought of that ourselves. I know, why didn't we? It's so evil.

22:33Maria McErlane:Marie says, could you extend his probation by, say, two months, but on the condition that you review the training you provide at the beginning of the two months? This is going nowhere. Then have another... And then have another review after the extension, prolonging the agony here, This happened to me once. Oh, my three-month probation was extended by another three. The original training was not great. I know I shouldn't say that, but it's true. I was kept on after the probation extension and worked there for another ten years. Then what happened?

23:06Graham Norton:Lucky Marie. Got it getting away with it for a decade.

23:11Maria McErlane:She's still here.

23:12Graham Norton:Calculator. I thought we'd let you go. It was only a year, but she thought it was ten.

23:18Maria McErlane:John says let him go but tell your friend first to soften the blow and explain your reasons why try and spin this as a positive you're helping him realize what he's not very good at so he can go out into the world and discover his true calling well no that is true I think you could

23:37Graham Norton:you could encourage him you know because you must have seen him work now you know where his skill set might be. I know you think it's making tea, but you could encourage him to look at a different area of finance.

23:53Maria McErlane:Yes, I just think, you know, the boy has, man, has a good attitude and he's very keen. Now, if you look at it the other way around, somebody could, it could be your friend's son who has a really bad attitude and is not keen. Yes, that's worse. We've got something going on here. There is a positive here.

24:11Graham Norton:And I think Celia must mention that to the friend. When she's winding this down, kind of go, hats off to you. He's just brilliant. He's got such a great attitude. You know, keen as anything.

24:22Maria McErlane:But just this is not for him.

24:24Graham Norton:Yeah, but a bit thick. Takes after his dad. Oh, yeah.

24:30Maria McErlane:Burn all the bridges.

24:31Graham Norton:We don't envy you, Celia. But good luck with whatever you decide to do. And thank you for writing in. We will have a second dilemma very soon.

24:40Maria McErlane:This episode of Wanging On is brought to you by Co-op's new meals range served.

24:46Graham Norton:Yes, which means we get to answer a special bonus. Am I weird from our wangers? Maria.

24:51Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I eat a takeaway at the dining table with proper crockery and napkins and even a candle, even when I'm on my own? I like to make a bit of an occasion of my evening meal. So I'll often decant my grub, decant my grub. That was not a sentence I thought I'd say today. I'll often decant my grub into a proper serving dish and everything. I imagine most of your listeners or wangers would think this is excessively fancy. What would you say? Well, I think you're quite lonely. That's from Bryony. No, I don't think you're lonely. I think it's quite nice because one of the reasons I don't cook, Graham, is it takes so long to do it, marinating, chopping, chopping, and then nobody spends as long thanking you.

25:39Maria McErlane:They go, oh, that was nice. They don't even say that. They don't even say that.

25:42Graham Norton:You kind of think, I spent half an hour chopping that.

25:44Maria McErlane:Half a day preparing this.

25:47Graham Norton:Yeah, and then they're just...

25:49Maria McErlane:So I always think not worth having people over for dinner. You might have noticed that.

25:56Graham Norton:I think what, Bryony, look, I think it's the thing that, you know that way that people live and I think sometimes if there's no one there, they kind of, oh, there's no one here. So they just sit there with the overhead light on. They wouldn't light a candle. And you kind of think there is someone there. You. And it's about kind of self-respect in a way.

26:12Maria McErlane:And self-love, I think, you know, because it does take a short amount of time to do. Now what am I going to do? So you might as well, candle, napkins, something, really savor what you're eating.

26:26Graham Norton:But is it a bit like a tree falling in the forest? If no one's there to watch you. So do you have to Instagram it to prove that it happens?

26:35Maria McErlane:I think, Bryony, every time you do this, set up a little camera in the corner of the room.

26:39Graham Norton:Live stream it.

26:40Maria McErlane:Live stream.

26:41Graham Norton:Only fans. Stick your feet in it.

26:43Maria McErlane:Have some dirty socks on while you're eating. These socks are also available.

26:50Graham Norton:We've changed Bryony's life. She's quit her job.

26:53Maria McErlane:Why do we always have to go low, Graham? That's what I want to know. When Bryony was high and we went low.

26:58Graham Norton:Well, no, but I liked what Bryony was doing. She had her candle, she had her napkins, she used the word decant, and then with grub.

27:06Maria McErlane:Decanting the grub.

27:07Graham Norton:Yeah, decant that grub.

27:09Maria McErlane:I think that's a good rap song, decanting the grub. Okay, I'll stop you there. So I'm going to say, Bryony, you're not weird.

27:17Graham Norton:No, I think you're clever. And I think your evening will be much more enjoyable than someone who just sits there with a bit of tinfoil, you know, slumped on the telly, getting it all down their jumper.

27:28Maria McErlane:I agree. Even a kind of tray is a little bit kind of outré. Oh, no, I like a tray. A tray is outré.

27:35Graham Norton:Outré, outré, outré. Yeah, with a little flower. A single rose, perhaps.

27:40Maria McErlane:But I'm also going to say, Bryony, why don't you invite some people round so you're not writing to us to say, am I weird?

27:46Graham Norton:Well, look, Bryony, those are our thoughts. But if you want to have a fancy meal tonight, why not try Co-op's new meal range, Served?

27:54Maria McErlane:Yeah, these are ready-to-cook meals prepared with fresh ingredients that you can cook in 30 minutes without having to follow an absurdly complicated recipe.

28:03Graham Norton:And if you're a co-op member, you can pick up an Italian-inspired main, plus two sides for just£7.

28:09Maria McErlane:There's a wide range to choose from, including aubergine parmigiana with garlic potatoes and tender stem broccoli.

28:17Graham Norton:Or chicken and mushroom Alfredo with gnocchi and tender stem broccoli,

28:21Maria McErlane:or perhaps a side salad. Yeah, or what we have here, Graham, which is Italian meatballs with usili and Mediterranean vegetables.

28:29Graham Norton:Ooh. They're good, aren't they? You can choose your next meal in store, or you can even get it delivered in as little as 20 minutes. Just use co-op delivery, Uber Eats, Deliveroo or Just Eat.

28:42Maria McErlane:Proper portions, zero stress and prepared with fresh ingredients. Dinner is served. £8 for non-members, co-op group membership required, subject to availability. See co-op.co.uk forward slash served for details. Delivery partners. Terms and conditions apply.

28:59Graham Norton:Maria? Mm-hmm. Is there a second envelope?

29:01Maria McErlane:There is. Oh, lovely. Thank you for saying envelope all the time. Dear Graham and Maria, I went on holiday on a group tour earlier this year and met a lovely chap. We got along really well and agreed to keep in touch. The thing is, ever since then, he's been bombarding me with silly viral videos and memes on WhatsApp. If he sees anything remotely amusing on social media, it will be immediately sent to me and it's getting on my last nerve. I'm not on social media myself and I've stopped responding when he sends these things, but he carries on. I reckon I'm getting three or four stupid little videos or links per week.

29:44Maria McErlane:I want it to stop. What do I do? And that is from Susan. I presume, Susan, you've decided that this isn't going to be a romance or a lasting friendship. Was it ever a romance? Well, they got on really well and agreed to keep in touch. That sounds like, hello. It sounds like, yeah, that she was perhaps expecting something more. I do think, though, Graham, I don't know if you agree, people hide behind things like memes and GIFs and funny videos and sort of trying to check out, do you find this as funny as I do? Or if I send you this, I won't have to talk about myself or I won't have to discuss anything personal.

30:21Maria McErlane:It's like a barrier to real speaky.

30:25Graham Norton:There is that. I think there is a kind of, it's not even a barrier, I think. It's just a kind of an easiness thing. I don't know if I'm thinking about you, but I've nothing really to say to you. But I found this funny thing of a kitten falling off a chair. There you go. Have it. Do you find it as funny as me? Yeah, but I think, Susan, here's my thing, is I was with Susan the whole way through the session. Oh, were you? Until we got to three or four stupid little videos. I thought she was going to say a day.

30:53Maria McErlane:Yeah, no, three or four a week is not a lot.

30:55Graham Norton:There's seven days. It's not even one a day. So, you know, how busy are you, Susan? Because you're not responding to them already. So unless he's sending whole episodes of friends or something, oh, I really like this episode, here, I have this, then what's the problem? I mean, if you genuinely think, well, this is done, he's not my friend, then just block him because you've got no, you know, you don't owe this guy anything, you're not his friend, and, you know, just get rid.

31:25Maria McErlane:I think there's a clue in the group tour thing there, isn't there, at the very beginning. Lots of people kind of looking to extend their friendship groups.

31:34Graham Norton:Yes, and they did, and they got on. I mean, I think the thing may be what you should do, Susan. I don't know where this guy lives. Maybe it's time to meet him again and see, was it just a holiday thing or is there a friendship?

31:50Maria McErlane:Yeah.

31:50Graham Norton:You know, because I think you've forgotten who the guy is. All you've got are these stupid videos. Cat videos. And, you know, and they're irritating you and da-da-da. So maybe there's still a genuine guy there, and when you meet up, you could have a conversation about your relationship with your phone versus his relationship with his phone.

32:11Maria McErlane:Well, as you say, you're not on social media, really. So he's kind of, you know, he's sending these things into the darkness, but obviously you're getting them. I mean, WhatsApp groups is one of those things that drive people crazy. A lot of people, I think I've heard comedians talk about this, have neighborhood groups and people send you things about, What do you think to this colour blue from my living room? See, I don't mind all that. You don't mind that.

32:36Graham Norton:I don't react to it.

32:38Maria McErlane:Oh, you don't say, no, it's lovely? No, I just ignore it. I have no interest in what colour blue it is. Someone saying, oh, has anybody got a pair of loppers? I need to cut my bush. Surely you responded to that. But then people on the neighbourhood group say, no, sorry, I haven't. You don't need to say, no, sorry, I haven't. Just don't respond. That's not useful.

33:00Graham Norton:No, the only one I'm in is one from my drama school, my year at drama school. They have one.

33:08Maria McErlane:You were there with Laurence Olivier, weren't you? Yes, I was.

33:11Graham Norton:He was marvellous. And Vivian Leigh. Bit bonkers, her.

33:17Maria McErlane:Very good, though.

33:18Graham Norton:Very, very good.

33:19Maria McErlane:And so that's all right, is it? You don't bother each other too much?

33:23Graham Norton:Oh, no, it's endlessly. Oh. You know, I'll pick up my phone and it'll be, you know, 97 WhatsApp messages and I'll just go, oh, that's that WhatsApp group.

33:31Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. Do you not bother to read them?

33:33Graham Norton:No. Once in a blue moon, after Christmas, we met up physically. Actually, a bit like I was saying to Susan. Yeah, yeah, meet up physically. Meet up with these people. And it reminded me of how fond I am of all these people. And then I did put a message in there kind of going, I'm just a lurker on this WhatsApp group. But, you know, I love tonight. And, you know, it means something that we've been friends for 30 years. And I just thought, you know. See you next year. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, I could do lurk in this WhatsApp group. I don't do all the birthdays because they say happy birthday to everybody.

34:05Graham Norton:Yeah, which is nice. It's a lovely thing. But me, myself, I don't do it. You don't do it? I don't.

34:13Maria McErlane:You turned into a New Yorker man, an old New Yorker man. I don't do it. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? It's your birthday, so what?

34:20Graham Norton:So, Susan, I would say try and meet up with this guy just to refresh your memory about what it was you ever liked about him.

34:28Maria McErlane:Yes, and to make him talk properly one-to-one about things that aren't online.

34:34Graham Norton:Yeah, and don't make him, don't criticise him, I think, because you don't do this, Susan, but a lot of people do communicate like this. So I think what you need to say to him is, oh, that's not me, but if you've, you know, I love hearing from you if you've got something to say.

34:49Maria McErlane:I doubt that that's communication. That's just rehashing something you've seen on the internet.

34:54Graham Norton:But it is a lot of people. That is how they... Reach out. Yeah. They just kind of, you know, they just send, they see a funny thing and they just send it to people. And on one level, it's kind of cute because you were on my mind. Yeah.

35:07Maria McErlane:Or the other thing you could do is go away. I don't know who you are. Please stop bothering me and my family or I'll call the police. That kind of thing. Yeah.

35:15Graham Norton:And that would solve it.

35:17Maria McErlane:As a last resort.

35:17Graham Norton:And then you've got a meme of a kitten going...

35:26Maria McErlane:And that makes me like him again then, you see. Then you can respond with something from Halloween. Stabby, stabby, stabby, stabby.

35:36Graham Norton:Have the wangers any advice? No. They're young. They're young. They'll know all about this jiff-giff nonsense. Jiff-giff.

35:43Maria McErlane:Okay. Ian says, Find the weirdest videos you can and start sending them to him. See, I was with him. With any luck, he'll think you're a total oddball and seesaw contact. Problem solved. Ah, do you know who we've heard from now?

35:58Graham Norton:Lou and Perth.

35:59Maria McErlane:Yay! Send a frill-free response. Frill-free.

36:05Graham Norton:We're about to find out what that is.

36:07Maria McErlane:Like, please stop sending these, or I don't have social media. Or you can try placing their account on ice for a little breather. Then defrost when the mood strikes. I think that's just delaying.

36:19Graham Norton:Does that mean temporarily block them?

36:21Maria McErlane:I guess so, yeah.

36:21Graham Norton:Or muting them or something?

36:22Maria McErlane:She says putting them on ice for a little breather. She's mixing all her metaphors here.

36:27Graham Norton:Frill-free ice.

36:27Maria McErlane:Frill-free. Free Willy, whatever. Faye, get a new number. There. Bosh. Done. Quite harsh. Cherry says, are you planning to ever see this guy in person again? If not, just block him. And if that feels a bit harsh, send a note saying his messages are unbearable. Unbearable, that does seem harsh, and then block him. That way he can sit and think about what he's done. Oh my goodness, are you a teacher? Cherry's very firm.

36:55Graham Norton:I like the way you're like, if that seems harsh, here's a harsher thing. If you thought that was harsh.

37:01Maria McErlane:Mark says, if you're ignoring him, he's not doing any harm. Just let him carry on. It obviously brings him pleasure. You never know, if you're having a bad day, he might send you something that cheers you up a bit. I think if you stop responding to him, he'll stop sending them. He's got to get the message at some point. Yes. Sending, you know, crying cats into the void.

37:20Graham Norton:I feel like, you know, it's four a week. Susan is, I think, slightly overreacting to this. It suggests she doesn't get any messages.

37:27Maria McErlane:Yeah.

37:28Graham Norton:You know, four a week is not a lot, I would say. Anyway, thanks for getting in touch, Susan, and I hope we helped. We're nearly out of time. Let's wrap things up. It's Am I Weird? And today comes courtesy of Dean. He's an Ipswich. Maria, take it away.

37:45Maria McErlane:Yes. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I only have one pair of shoes? My family and friends seem to think I am. What's the point in having more? I'm not a fashionista. I literally just need two things to put on my feet. And they're called trainers. Job done. I mean, it's not really weird. It's a bit, you know, what happens if one of your shoes breaks?

38:11Graham Norton:I'm saying weird. I'm saying weird. What, you're going to a funeral on trainers? How old are you, Dean?

38:18Maria McErlane:Maybe he's young and he's not going to funerals because he doesn't need to yet.

38:22Graham Norton:Well, if he's writing to us, I feel he's quite old.

38:27Maria McErlane:I think probably for Dean, his one pair of shoes thing is his kink. You know, it's like that's what makes him interesting. You know, some people just need something to say in the pub. And they're going, you know, it's quite hot out, isn't it? Do you know I've only got one pair of shoes? And it strikes up a conversation right then and there.

38:49Graham Norton:Oh, yeah. I think unless you're like Howard Hughes or, you know, Steve Jobs or something, you know, then you can do a kind of cool thing where I only wear trainers. It's my uniform.

39:00Maria McErlane:Good that you've done two dead people.

39:02Graham Norton:Oh, yes. Well, you know.

39:03Maria McErlane:They don't need any shoes.

39:06Graham Norton:Take the hint, Dean. So I just feel like, you know, if you're a certain sort of person, you can kind of go, yes, I have a uniform and this is the way I dress. And whether it's a wedding, a funeral, a business meeting, going to the pub on a Saturday, I am wearing this.

39:24Maria McErlane:Yeah, I get the feeling that Dean probably only has two T-shirts and two pairs of trousers as well. You know, normally people who are frugal in that matter, We don't know if it's an economic thing anyway. It doesn't seem like it's an economic thing. It does feel like it's his thing.

39:37Graham Norton:Yeah, and clearly people are going on at him, kind of like, really, you're wearing those trainers again? I just feel like, Dean, there will be, hopefully there will be moments in your life that require more than trainers. Yeah. You know.

39:50Maria McErlane:And I actually think also, Dean, there'll be things in your life that are weirder.

39:54Graham Norton:Do you think? Yeah. I doubt it.

39:56Maria McErlane:As time goes on. As time goes on. I think he'll be a regular.

40:01Graham Norton:It's Dean again.

40:03Maria McErlane:Yeah. What is it this week, Dean? One of your shoes is broken. Yeah.

40:08Graham Norton:Am I weird that I only own one shoe and hop everywhere?

40:12Maria McErlane:That would be good. I would like that one.

40:15Graham Norton:And then we'd say yes. I am saying yes, he is weird to this. What do you say?

40:20Maria McErlane:I'm saying not weird, just get something more interesting to be your thing. All right.

40:26Graham Norton:Well, Dean, there we have it. And another edition of Wanging On has come to an end.

40:30Maria McErlane:Yes. And if you're looking for actual experts, there's more information on our Instagram at wangingon. Oh, and if you're looking for entirely non-expert advice, email wangingon at listen.co.uk.

40:44Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graeme Maria is a Listen production and we'll be back next week. Goodbye.

40:49Maria McErlane:Goodbye.