In short
Wanging On episode centers on three dilemmas: Graham’s shoulder replacement (and his past “dog bits,” appendix surgery, and a leg/mobility-scooter mishap), a listener’s wedding-invite anxiety, and a campervan romance with a long-distance/visa deadline.
Guests
Maria (co-host, not an expert) and Rafi (recurring, “not an expert”); no external guests.
Key claims
shoulder is a ball-and-socket with plastic/porcelain/titanium and “loads” of stitches; childhood appendix was triggered by faking illness; wedding invites aren’t owed—numbers/seating and awkwardness matter; campervan intimacy and enclosed space accelerated feelings, but Land’s End-to-John o’Groats distance and “reinventing yourself” may end the relationship.
Notable examples
gold-embossed invitations; “hover around the church” as a joke; campervan Perth-to-Melbourne trip; online reviews “Am I Weird” debate.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOGraham's New Shoulder
0:32 to 1:00
Graham discusses his recent shoulder replacement surgery and the emotions surrounding it.
“With SUVs made to move with your rhythm.”
Graham's New Shoulder
1:04 to 1:26
Graham discusses his recent shoulder replacement surgery and the emotions surrounding it.
“Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto.”
Graham's New Shoulder
2:09 to 3:54
Graham discusses his recent shoulder replacement surgery and the emotions surrounding it.
“You don't look different, but I know that you're putting a brave face on it because I know there's something bionic about you, Graham.”
Maria's Childhood Appendicitis
3:54 to 5:10
Maria recounts a childhood incident of feigning illness that led to an unexpected appendicitis diagnosis.
“Oh, darling, did you think I might not survive the anaesthetic?”
The Dog's Surgery and Aftermath
5:10 to 7:03
Graham shares a funny story about his dog's surgery and the unusual keepsake he obtained.
“I mean, they call you bluff in Ireland, don't they?”
Mobility Scooters in Hastings
7:03 to 9:28
The hosts humorously discuss mobility scooters and their prevalence in certain towns.
“Sometimes, I had them on my shelf, and sometimes with the little dog, I would roll them across the carpet, and he would chase them.”
Listener Dilemma: Wedding Invitations
9:28 to 14:01
The hosts delve into a listener's concerns about not being invited to a friend's wedding after reconnecting.
“I'm Bella Ramsey and you're Pedro Pascal.”
Wedding Dynamics and Friendships
14:01 to 20:44
Exploring the complexities of wedding invitations and friendships.
“She hasn't, and you have to accept that.”
Long-Distance Love and Challenges
22:12 to 28:01
Advice on navigating a new relationship complicated by distance.
“I went through a bad breakup last year, moved jobs and met a new and amazing bunch of people.”
The Reality of Holiday Romances
28:01 to 30:36
Exploring the complexities of relationships formed during vacations and the challenges of transitioning back to reality.
“And I feel like maybe that's what's going to happen with Elizabeth and this woman, where actually when they get back to, you know, real life, it's not going to be the same because actually it was about the tiny curtains.”
Show all 13 chapters
Listener Responses and Advice
30:39 to 33:38
Examining listener feedback on a relationship dilemma and discussing the nuances of love and long-distance relationships.
“Okay, time for responses from our listeners, the Wangers, who've had early access to the Dilemas.”
Am I Weird? Segment Introduction
33:42 to 37:35
Introducing the Am I Weird? segment where listeners share quirky habits for evaluation.
“No, but invite the other lady from the first problem because she likes weddings.”
Sponsor Messages and Promotions
37:43 to 39:02
Reading sponsor messages promoting various services and offers.
“Plus, when you pack and ship with us, you get our exclusive pack and ship guarantee.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today.
0:31Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason.
0:35Maria McErlane:With SUVs made to move with your rhythm. The versatile Equinox tackles your entire day. The spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend. And tracks bring style with value you can count on. All infused with tech that has your back. So your drive always hits the right chord. Chevrolet. Together let's drive. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan.
1:16Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. It's so tiny in there, it's easier to have sex with someone. than to not. He's a whole man dog.
1:32Maria McErlane:He's a whole man dog, so that, you know, when he comes about with angels or something. Oh, he's pumping God's leg. Oh, that's two problems solved. Oh my goodness, we're all over this. Pop the kettle on.
1:47Hello there, and welcome along to Wanging on the podcast, where myself and my good friend Maria try to help you with your everyday dilemmas. Hello, Maria.
1:55Maria McErlane:Hello, Graham, and this is Rafi, who you've met before. I have met Rafi before. Hello, little Rafi. Yes. He seems calmer today. He doesn't bring much. To the party. No. And he's not an expert in anything, but neither are we. Exactly. Maria, do I look different? You don't look different, but I know that you're putting a brave face on it because I know there's something bionic about you, Graham. Yes, I now have a young bit of me. I don't want to ask which bit. It's my shoulder. My shoulder's brand new. Do you know, Graham, before I knew you were going in for this operation, I did not know that you could have a shoulder replacement.
2:31You can.
2:32Maria McErlane:Can you just talk us through it? What does it look like? Well, do you know, when I was at the doctor's for the sign-off to get rid of the sling and everything, they did an X-ray. And he was showing me the X-ray. And I was like, OK. And he went, would you like to take a picture of that? And I went, what for? And he looked hurt. And he went, well, people might want to see it. Well, actually, you could have just shown it here. You really don't want to see it. It's just an x-ray. I want to know what happened to the old shoulder because I want to auction it for charity. Sadly, there was no old shoulder left.
3:02Maria McErlane:So get out of here. How was your arm staying up then? It was all just ground down. So can you just talk us through what it is? Is it a ball and... Well, one bit is plastic and then the other bit... It is a ball and socket. A ball and socket. So that bit is now plastic and this bit is porcelain but with a little bit of titanium stuck into the bone and a big long cut here. Oh, how many stitches? Oh, loads. I mean, it's a big old, big old, I was eaten by a shark kind of thing. Oh my goodness. But that will fade very, very quickly. But there was a weird bit. Because, you know, I think if I was young and had gone in for a big operation, I think I'd have just like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
3:44When I was sitting in the hospital room and I wasn't on any drugs or anything, it was before I was taken down, but you're in the gown and you just feel so vulnerable and you're wearing those funny slippers.
3:53Maria McErlane:And your bottom exposed. I did feel quite emotional. Oh, darling, did you think I might not survive the anaesthetic? I knew I would, but you just, I think you just, you are facing your own mortality. You just feel quite vulnerable in that moment. I just kind of think, oh. And, you know, I was surprised I got as totes emotion as I did. But you've never had a, you know, touch where you weren't again, but you haven't had an operation, have you, for... Not since my appendix. For appendix, and we know all about that. Yes. This was when I was a child. I pretended to be sick one day. I went, oh, ow, because I didn't want to go to school.
4:30And my mother knew I was pretending. And she went, right, we'll go and see the doctor. And I was like, oh, no, because my sister had done this, and my sister got into such trouble because she'd been very... So I go to the doctor. He examines me, and I do a bit of awey. And then he said, okay, I want to talk to your mother. You go out of the room. and I'm sitting in the waiting room thinking, oh, I'm in such trouble, such trouble, such trouble. And then I get brought back in and he goes, well, now, you have a thing called appendicitis and you'll be going to hospital to get rid of your appendix next week.
4:58And I'm sitting there thinking, okay, because I knew.
5:01Maria McErlane:You were faking. I was faking, but I knew I couldn't say I don't have it because then I'd be even more trouble. So I had to go through with it. This is horror. I had to go through with it, have the operation. I mean, they call you bluff in Ireland, don't they? They're not having any of your truck, young man. But also... Did your mum know you were faking? I only told her about five years ago. She didn't know. And I... Here's the thing. When you were 55. But also, I do think it was a bit of a scam. I think in my school, everyone had their appendix out. I think this doctor, it was really how he paid...
5:32Maria McErlane:Maybe it was his speciality. It really was his speciality. Everyone had their appendix out. Did you think to yourself before, you know, like when you're sitting in hospital as a small child thinking, I don't mean to be doing this because I was making up my pain. That is the time to say I was making up, everyone. Well, I didn't because I knew I'd be in such terrible trouble. That is a measure of you. And also, I'd seen a lot of Shirley Temple films. I quite like the idea of just, you know, I'm so brave. See how brave I am, everyone. But anyway, it was fine. And then I got the appendix in a little jar.
6:05Yeah, that's quite good, isn't it? You got your dog's bits, didn't you?
6:09Maria McErlane:Yes, I had a male dog that was done. and then I said to the vet, who was a kind of showbiz vet, he did stuff with Clive Anderson and so on. Was he a Fogel? No, he wasn't a Fogel, but he did stuff with Clive Anderson about dog food for the radio. And I said to him, can I have the bits? I mean, this actually makes me sound weird. Oh, you know we're doing a new thing called Am I Weird? This is it. I'll cut to the chase. Yes. Shall I just tell you what it was? So he had the things taken off and I was asking, So what does it look like in blah, blah, blah? It's the vasferans. And then I said to him, and can I have them?
6:48Maria McErlane:This was my first ever dog. And he said, what do you mean? I said, well, can you not pop them in a little test tube with some formaldehyde, which stops things going off? And he went, a bit weird, but yeah, okay. And so he gave them to me. And then, this is even worse. I know. Sometimes, I had them on my shelf, and sometimes with the little dog, I would roll them across the carpet, and he would chase them. He would chase his own little... So weird. Yeah, I know. I'm outing myself. But then the better thing is when I had to have him put down, had a heart condition, I did find them and I buried them with him.
7:25Oh, lovely. In the little box. So he was reunited.
7:29Maria McErlane:Reunited and it feels so good. He's a whole man dog. He's a whole man dog. So that, you know, when he comes about with angels or something. Oh, he's pumping God's leg. That's beautiful. That is very nice. Have you ever had a big all? I had the appendix, which burst, obviously. But I did break my leg as well, you know, bone thing, when I was skiing. And there was a company that said, we'll supply you with a sort of, where they were trying to make mobility scooters kind of groovy. They were a company in Putney. And, you know, people pimp their rides, don't they? They put kind of Union Jacks on them.
8:05Maria McErlane:But anyway, they sent me this scooter, which, of course, I said, thank you very much. That's nice. And I had my leg up like that. on it. And then I thought, oh, I'll go into Marks and Spencer's. I did feel horrible on it. I felt old before my time. What house were you living in? Hastings. No, but were you on the hill or were you in the square? In the square. Oh, that's easier. In the square, yeah. And so off I went to think with the little dog in the front, the dog with no balls at the time. We didn't take them to M &S. Soon I'll be dead and reunited. Kill me soon. I want my balls back. Anyway, the mobility scooter ran out of juice and I had to ask some shoppers in Hastings Town Centre to push me into the sidings.
8:47Maria McErlane:But also, Hastings, there's so many mobility scooters. I'm surprised you can get a jump start. Jump leads from another one. There should be a WhatsApp group of mobility so you can just call them immediately. But then I had to get somebody to come and pick the mobility scooter up and me and it was all a disaster. Yeah. Also, Eastbourne, it is where mobility, that's, I mean... Where they go to die. That's the motherlode of mobility scooters. It's extraordinary. You go one street back and it's just nothing but mobility scooters. Nobody's walking. No. You look like a freak if you're using your actual feet.
9:18Yeah. People pointing and laughing. People shoot you with pellet guns from their mobility scooters. It's like The Last of Us. We don't like your sort around here.
9:28Maria McErlane:It's true. It is. I'm Bella Ramsey and you're Pedro Pascal. Listen, it's time to get to the problems. Hey, hey, is there some sort of email address or anything, Maria? Yes, great. Our email address is wangingon at listen.co.uk. Please get in touch. Do be part of this very show. You can always find us on Instagram as well. Where's that? Where's that? At wangingon. Okay. Yeah, at wangingon. Yeah, so we'd love to hear from you. No, we really would. Obviously, usual caveats apply. We're not experts, etc., etc., etc. First problem follows shortly. Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast.
10:10So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it, style it, make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today.
10:35Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason.
10:39Maria McErlane:With SUVs made to move with your rhythm. The versatile Equinox tackles your entire day. The spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend. And Trax brings style with value you can count on. All infused with tech that has your back. So your drive always hits the right chord. Chevrolet. Together let's drive. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan.
11:20Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.
11:33Maria, I see you've emptied your post bag, so let's have a first letter. That sounds a bit rude. Empty your post bag. Oh, it's all over the place. Oh, short one. It's gone everywhere.
11:44Maria McErlane:A short one. I like these ones. Okay, enough of that now. Dear Graham and Maria, I have recently connected back with an old friend who is getting married later this year. We've not seen each other for 15 years, but have rediscovered an amazing friendship. and now we meet every week. The thing is, she keeps asking for wedding advice. Should I be offended that she hasn't invited me? I know we've only just reconnected, but I would bring so many fun and happy memories to her special day. That's why she hasn't invited you. Do you think she is being shy? Is she not sure if I would accept an invite or can she not invite me for numbers?
12:27Maria McErlane:It's getting a bit awkward talking about it all the time when I'm not invited. should I bring it up with her? And that is from Lisa, and she's in Fering. I don't know where that is, do you? No, but no, Lisa, you shouldn't bring it up. No, you shouldn't bring it up. And do you know what, Lisa? I think you need to sort of, what's the term? Get over yourself. Because you've only just reconnected. You know, this wedding she's been planning for years and years and years, and she's got the numbers down. She's got to have Auntie Betty from that side. She's got to have Uncle Stephen from that side. and you're a newbie in all this.
13:03Maria McErlane:I know that you used to know each other, but a lot has happened. So, no, don't take offence about it and give her advice, you know, nice advice, and then you'll see her after the wedding. And I'm sure, you know, once she gets to her 25th wedding anniversary, you'll be invited to that party. Maybe, just to the afters. But I think your neediness is coming over in this letter. Also, I think, you know, think about it, Lisa. You know, Lisa doesn't know anyone that this woman's met in the last 15 years. Exactly. So, you know, you probably wouldn't even have a very good time at this wedding because you'll be a stranger, kind of.
13:39You might have met her parents, but you don't know who she's getting married to. You don't know any of their mutual friends. None of it. So it would kind of be weird.
13:48Maria McErlane:She's a different person. I mean, really, if you went to the wedding, you'd have to go up to her and say, hello, I used to know her 15 years ago. I've got some really funny stories. Oh, where are you going? What? and also and you know the next thing that will happen Lisa will be invited to the wedding and then be annoyed about the table she's on because it was too far away I was sitting with people she didn't know very well and I'm a very dear old friend I told them lots of stories I feel like I should have been sitting with the family really because those were the only people I knew I think we've taken again Lisa well I just think as a kind of passing thought as a passing thought I understand that Lisa might have thought oh I wonder if she's going to invite me Yeah.
14:28She's not.
14:29Maria McErlane:She hasn't, and you have to accept that. It's not that sort of wedding. Yeah. They've made the invitations. It's gold embossed. There are place settings all sorted. They've had a nightmare, frankly, with a lot of the relations. So you are not to be worried about at all, Lisa. I'm afraid this is not your thing. And also, Lisa, weddings are so boring and so long. I've punched the air that you haven't been invited. Yeah, really. Once you've been to one wedding, you've been to them all. But now people seem to think it's okay to do a wedding weekend. or a wedding week. Liz Hurley had a week of wedding things in India, didn't she, when she married?
15:04Maria McErlane:Who was she married? Well, she married that man called... Mr Hurley? I think she married somebody. Did she? I seem to recall friends of friends who went to the wedding. Really? It was for a week long and everybody wore saris. He must have been Indian. Because I feel you ought to really remember the phrase, your special day. Yeah. I think he might have been called Aaron Naylor. Well done. Yeah. That's such useful information. I know. I can't remember anything about my own life. Liz Burley, but he doesn't remember his name. What my pin numbers are. But I can remember things that I read in the Daily Stupid Mail.
15:39Lisa from Faring, I think be very, very happy that you've now got a special friend. I think that's great. We don't know why you stopped seeing each other 15 years ago. That is also...
15:48Maria McErlane:Maybe geographical. Let's go with that, shall we? We don't know. But anyway, here's the thing. You have reconnected with this woman and you are now great friends. And that is wonderful. and she'd be happy that she's having this wonderful wedding. She's going to tell you all about it. You're going to look at pictures and you're going to go, ooh and ah, I love your dress. Who's that? Who's that? Because you won't know anyone in those pictures. But yes, just be happy with what you have rather than being annoyed about this thing that you don't have, which is being invited to some stupid wedding. Yeah.
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16:16I wonder how long this friendship's going to last. There, I've said it.
16:19Maria McErlane:You have said it. That's very good. I mean, neediness in friendships.
16:27Maria McErlane:is very hard, isn't it? Graham knows because sometimes I'm just outside his house waiting, hoping I can join him and his husband for dinner. Sometimes I just, you know, I'm passing. I look at my clock and I think, oh. I heard the cork. I heard the cork from Hastings and I popped on a train. Lovely. Oh, Rafi's licking my foot. Hello. So, right, it is time to find out what our listeners slash wangers... Yes, how do we know about the wangers and how do they know about us? Because if they email in wangyon at listen.co.uk, then they become part of our dedicated team of listeners and they get early eyes on the problems.
17:10Maria McErlane:A dedicated team of wangers. Yes. So, early eyes, early responses, off you go. What have we got? Here we go. Cassius. I love that name. I love that name. Yeah. Is that enough? Should we just leave it there? Cassius, yeah. Cassius says, weddings are expensive. Quite, Cassius, you shouldn't expect an invite. You can bring it up if it will make you feel more comfortable, but it could make your friend feel uncomfortable. Good work, Cassius. Your friendship surely isn't based on a wedding invite. Whether it's a small or big wedding, guest list, and seating plan, complete or not, an invite isn't your right, even if you're being asked for wedding advice.
17:46Maria McErlane:I love you, Cassius. Marry me. Yeah, it's so true. And, you know, I've started to remember, There are people that I still don't talk to and that my husband don't talk to because they weren't invited to our wedding thing. You got married? Yeah. I was there. See, I was doing that. Okay. Maria, I'm not saying I'm bored of your voice, but we're going to listen to Livy now. Oh. I feel like it's always best to open up the conversation, but maybe you don't have to be too direct and just say, it sounds like it's going to be such an amazing day I would love to be involved anywhere I can and maybe we could get together even and just you'd show me all the photos so I can relive it as much as possible and I suppose that opens up so she at least knows that you'd want to come but without it getting awkward and it could just be a numbers thing I think Livy's right, it is just a numbers thing if you say I want to be involved in any way possible that suggests you're going to help with the parking I mean I Would you mind wearing a Stuart's high-vis jacket?
18:51Oh, you're so good. Thank you very much. We wondered who'd do that. It's such a thankless job. Yeah, so I... Yeah, but you could say I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures. Yeah. And then that suggests that you are interested in this wedding. But also you've been giving me advice, so she knows you're interested. You're just not going. Yeah.
19:08Maria McErlane:I think you do need to just let this go. But anyway, I've got more people. More people have said things. She's dedicated. at Wangers. Cheryl has said, I'm not sure why it bothers you so much. Weddings are long and tiresome. Exactly. Come on, singing to the choir, Cheryl. But if you really want to be there, just ask her outright or tell her what you're planning to wear. Oh, my goodness. Either way, just mention it instead of sulking. You can't ask someone outright. No, you cannot. Can I go to your wedding? Yeah. I mean, if you say those words, the answer is no. Absolutely. The answer is stalker.
19:38Maria McErlane:I mean, really, do what I do with Graham's house. Just hover around the church. One more. in a large hat. Oh, is it today? Oh, I... What a coincidence. I've just been to another wedding down the road. Which is why I have this rice. One more. Tracy says, we're missing the real tea here. Tea is what young people... I know. I'm on drag race. I understand what tea is. You do, you do, you do. Why did you not see each other for 15 years? Thank you, Tracy. I know, Tracy. It's great that you've reconnected or perhaps buried the hatchet, if that's what happened. But if there was a massive fallout, then I understand her not wanting you at her big day.
20:18Maria McErlane:Either that or it's just bad timing as you've only just re-entered each other's lives. If you manage to maintain the friendship this time, then you can always go to the vow renewal on their 20th wedding anniversary. Oh, my goodness. I said that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So there's that to look forward to. Good joke, Tracy. Thank you very much. Well, look, Lisa, I think what I'm hearing is you're not going and you need to roll with the punches. I hope you heard that as well. Letter 2 is up next.
21:11visit your nearest croc store today
21:16Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason
21:20Maria McErlane:with SUVs made to move with your rhythm the versatile Equinox tackles your entire day the spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend and tracks bring style with value you can count on all infused with tech that has your back so your drive always hits the right chord Chevrolet. Together, let's drive.
22:12And we're back with our second letter. Do you have it, Maria? It's in an envelope. Look, right there.
22:16Maria McErlane:I know. I'm so busy. Look. I feel like I'm working in an office. That's filing, Graeme. Can you do it later? No, I can't. No. Dear Graeme and Maria. Yes. Oh. Serious face. Oh. I went through a bad breakup last year, moved jobs and met a new and amazing bunch of people. A couple of the girls I met became my best friends and I essentially moved into their house for a few months. I became really close to one of the girls as she had also been through a messy breakup with her boyfriend at a similar time. We chatted a lot about our situations together and agreed we were both just looking to be single, have fun and live for ourselves for once.
22:56Maria McErlane:The two of us decided we would drive my camper van from Perth to Melbourne. That's quite a drive. Yeah, that is. I'll tell you now, that's quite a drive. Thank you. and try to spend a nice winter there before our visas ran out. At some point in the month before we left on our trip, we had a few drunken kisses, which we both agreed complicated things unnecessarily. And we decided we valued the friendship and didn't want to ruin it. Very wise. However, we then lived and travelled in the van ourselves for around a month and accidentally kind of fell for each other. We're now living in a new city and dating one another and it's going really well.
23:36Maria McErlane:Both of our visas run out in a couple of months, meaning we have to leave Australia and come home. Both of us being in the UK means we'll be 10 hours away from one another at opposite ends of the country. Should we continue and try long distance to see where it goes or end it in Australia and attempt to stay friends? There's a lot to unpick here. That's from Elizabeth in Paisley. Very good, Elizabeth in Paisley. Now, there's two things here. So obviously both of you had had upsetting breakups with boyfriends and then you love each other and maybe you were needy, etc., etc., and it was comforting.
24:16Maria McErlane:Both of you decided to have a relationship with a girl. So, I mean, are you continuing with the girl thing or are you going to go back to boys or what? I don't know. You have to have a very good discussion about this, Elizabeth from Paisley, because if you want to be together, you're 10 hours apart. But what are you doing when you get back home? And one of you could go to the other, or you could go to somewhere completely new, where you don't need a visa, and you can continue living together there. I don't know. I mean, you seem, I'm getting from your letter, Elizabeth, that you're thinking this was a thing that was a temporary thing.
24:48Maria McErlane:As long as she's on the same page, you're laughing. Because you can just go, well, let's, you know, see each other when we see each other. I think Elizabeth is trying to avoid being hurt. You know, I think it feels like... We're all trying to avoid being hurt. I feel like the trip has come to an end. You know, I feel like Elizabeth is kind of going, okay, that was a thing. And it happened when I was abroad. And there could be a lot going on. Like Elizabeth might be thinking, do I want to go home and come out to all my friends and family back home that I'm now a lesbian? And, you know, and that's a big decision to make.
25:24Maria McErlane:I think that's a bigger decision than whether or not this will continue with this person. because, you know, if that's what you want to do. But it strikes me that they both were needy at the time and felt hurt at the time. I think they found comfort with each other. That's not to say it's not a real relationship. No, no, not at all. But do you want to continue? You know, that, I feel, needs to be identified for both of you because you both left boyfriends and have had this lovely relationship. And it's been great. And if it is great, then continue it when you get back to the UK because you don't have to go to your respective homes.
26:01Maria McErlane:You can both get jobs somewhere and carry on living together. I don't know much about British geography. Where is 10 hours away? I would say... I mean, does you live in a lighthouse? I would say Plymouth and John O 'Groats. Okay. Oh, no, Penzance, isn't it? Is it Penzance? There's the furthest point from there to there. Oh, well, it's Land's End to John O 'Groats. Oh, whatever. Famously. Famously. Okay, yeah, Land's End. So one of them lives in Land's End. Yeah. One of them lives in John O 'Groats. Yeah, exactly. Why did they choose those places to live? So that she could stay 10 hours apart. 10 hours apart.
26:34Also, do you know what I love about this story? Yes, what do you love? I love the part the camper van played. I feel like if they'd never gone on that camper van trip, none of this would have happened.
26:43Maria McErlane:All lesbians have camper vans. That much is true. But it's also something about that enclosed space. It's so tiny in there, it's easier to have sex with someone than to not. I've got to use every inch of room. I'm now going to date people with camper vans so that I can say, my friend Graham says, it's much easier just to have sex rather than knock. I'm going to knock through.
27:08So, look, I think Elizabeth, I think Elizabeth, really, I feel like Elizabeth knows this is kind of over. And is now trying to figure out a way. Well, just that idea of, like, if you were madly in love. Yeah, yeah. You know, because that sort of love is a sort of insanity. You're kind of thinking, I don't care if we're living 10 hours apart. We are going to make this work. Elizabeth's kind of parking up the camper van thinking, how do I get away from this?
27:37Maria McErlane:And also, it is so much easier to be different people. You know, basically, which you may still want to live, who knows, but you need to kind of have a chat. When nobody knows you and nobody knew you before, you've just reinvented this thing that with her, which has been lovely, but it's like the fairy tale has to end. And some relationships are like that. Some relationships work in a room, but then when they're exposed to the world... They don't. They don't. And I feel like maybe that's what's going to happen with Elizabeth and this woman, where actually when they get back to, you know, real life, it's not going to be the same because actually it was about the tiny curtains.
28:17Maria McErlane:Yeah. And all of that. And reinventing yourself as you went, as you travelled from Melbourne to wherever they went. Yeah, Perth. Perth to Melbourne. Perth to Melbourne. Yeah, thank you, thank you. It's quite a long drive. But here's the thing. I do think you just, as far as Land's End to John O 'Croft, you do think need to talk to each other. That's basically, I kind of get a feeling that they're both on different pages on this. I wonder if they are. Because what if Elizabeth talks to her and the girl says, but I thought we would just carry on. Well, I wonder, because interestingly, it's not like Elizabeth fell in love with a lesbian.
28:53You know, they both had this kind of moment.
28:57Maria McErlane:They both were quite needy. Yeah. And they probably fancied each other. And also, as you say, a camper van is very tiny. Yeah. But I think the other woman must be having the similar thoughts because, you know, this isn't the same as continuing a relationship. It's starting a whole new life when you come home. Yeah. And, you know, I'm sure people will be very accepting and everything, but it's a big, and it's interesting that it's not just a thing, oh, I've realised this about myself. I feel like Elizabeth's going, I'm going to make this decision or I'm not going to make this decision. I feel like if she stops going out with this woman in the camper van, she's no longer a lesbian.
29:34Do you?
29:35Maria McErlane:Well, that's what I feel. You're making a lot of assumptions here, Graham. I'm reading between the lines. Are you now? That's what I'm doing, yeah. And I could be totally wrong, but I feel like she has fallen in love with this woman in these circumstances in this moment. And I'm not sure if it's going to survive a 10-hour drive to wherever the hell that is. I'm inclined to agree with you. But I mean, it's so much easier if they just talk to each other about it. But maybe they are on different pages. Whatever happens, you had an amazing time together. These two women have had an amazing time together.
30:11They've helped each other get over these horrible breakups. They found love. They found all sorts of happiness. They've had a real adventure in Australia. And so I... We'll always have Australia. Well, that kind of thing. I do think it's a lovely, happy memory. And what will be sad is if it turns into a kind of cantankerous, horrible... Everything does in the end. Yeah, kind of a 10-hour drive, really. It's helpful if you live in a mode of transport.
30:38Maria McErlane:I want to know what happens, Elizabeth, from Paisley. Can you let us know? Okay, time for responses from our listeners, the Wangers, who've had early access to the Dilemas. Oh, yes. Let's find out what they think. This is from Nicole. Oh, yes. Who says, if you meet the right person, you just know what to do. That's not a dilemma. It's interesting. It's something lovely that not all people get to experience. So, yes, run the course with it. You never want to think what if or if only. But that is fair. Except the only thing I would say is if you just let it run its course, Yeah. We know where that ends.
31:16Oh, where? Well, no, we're good. And I think there's a way to salvage the friendship.
31:21Maria McErlane:You got married when I was saying to you, this will end badly. I wasn't, I wasn't. Joy of joys. Yes. Debbie has left us a voice note. No. Well, I would say, try out your long distance relationship first. If it doesn't work, then at least you've tried. I always say, regret what you did do and not what you didn't do. if it's meant to be it'll all work out good luck I say that too wait I say what Debbie says can you just tell me again regret what you did what you did do regret what you did do not what you didn't do oh why should you regret things that you did do surely the things that you did do were good no no because sometimes you do make decisions that are wrong but it's much better to make the decision and to do the thing and kind of go I shouldn't have done that rather than sitting oh should I have done maybe I should you know I think you can dream your life away whereas if you make big bold decisions then you know what you're doing.
32:14Do you say that? I really do I think yes I regret the things you do rather than
32:19Maria McErlane:I've got another response from Matt which is quite long. Oh yes. We never can be sure of when Cupid Cupid? Who mentions Cupid? Of when Cupid will strike his arrow No, Cupid doesn't strike his arrow, he shoots his arrow. Alright, take it up with Matt Okay, yeah I am I've got a bone to pick with you Matt You don't pick a bone What do you do? You do. You obviously have feelings for each other that extend beyond a holiday romance. Otherwise, you wouldn't be contemplating any next steps. However, I'd question just how seriously you both feel, as you both already have plans to return to your respective parts of the country.
33:00Maria McErlane:We said that. We did say that. We did say that, Matt. If it was love, love, there wouldn't be a question in either of your minds. You'd be completely inseparable and one of you would make the move to be with the other. You could, of course, discuss moving halfway and meeting in the middle. But this scenario rarely satisfies anyone. Long distance relationships are notoriously difficult unless you make plans to move in together within a set time period. Who's going really into it here? So set a date and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, then you will still have great memories. I think she's only going to have great memories.
33:35Yeah. Well, Elizabeth, we are delighted you found love and good luck with whatever you decide to do. If you do end up getting married, invite us. We won't come.
33:45Maria McErlane:No, but invite the other lady from the first problem because she likes weddings. She loves a wedding. And I think that would satisfy her. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's two problems solved. Oh, my goodness. We're all over this. Pop the kettle on. By the way, if you have a dilemma you'd like to share with us, Then, of course, the address is wangingon at listen.co.uk, where you can also send your Am I Weird, which is up next. It's time for Am I Weird? That's the part of the podcast where somebody shares something about themselves, which could be odd or not odd, and we decide if it's weird or not. Today's Am I Weird is from Paul in Margaret Harbour.
34:25Maria, let's hear it.
34:26Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I do actually leave online reviews for every delivery, every service and every restaurant I use, whether they ask me to or not? A friend recently said I'm literally the only person he knows who does this, but I just think it's common decency to take the time to feed back. I'm going hopefully weird. I think I'm going not much else in your life rather than weird. Well, except, no, it's his passion. Does he say that? I don't think he does. Common decency. Common decency to take the time to feed back. I mean, I always kind of think, you know, when you go to a restaurant or a hotel or anything, and then you get an email with a survey.
35:11Maria McErlane:Oh, no. Do you ever do them? No, because I kind of think, okay, now I do want to do a survey to tell you I hate that you sent me a survey. Yeah. My one dissatisfaction is this, because if there was anything wrong, I'd have told you when I was there. but actually I wouldn't have. I'd have just bottled it in and seed the resentment. Why don't you tell them, though? Why don't you say? Because I'm never going back. I don't care. Oh. And nor do they, really. No one wants feedback, really, unless it's we had a fabulous time. No, but the CSQs, customer service questionnaires, are very, very important.
35:43Maria McErlane:Where the hell do you know that? So they're a marketing team. Because I worked for Sun Holidays in the 1980s, and we had to have... So they're not called CSQs anymore. They are. I don't know. There's probably a new Gen Z term now. Yes, there will be. But, you know, CSQ is an acronym for what it is. Yeah, Customer Service Questionnaire. Yeah. They're not called. What are they called then now? So it'll be something feedback. Relatable. Relatable. It'll be something feedback or, oh, it'll be AI. Why AI? The Appreciation Index. Oh, oh, I see. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, Appreciation Index. Yeah, but see AI in it.
36:22Maria McErlane:Anyway, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. I think... Weird or not weird? Yeah, Paul, not weird. I'm going not weird. I'm just going, if you had other hobbies, better hobbies, you wouldn't have to do that. I don't think it's common decency. And also, Paul, is his name Paul? Yes, Paul. I think it is weird because what Paul ought to understand is that no one really cares about his feedback. I don't think anyone's really reading feedback or acting on it, unless it's good. If Paul is complaining about anything ever, like a restaurant, you know, they were too slow or whatever. Does anybody ever get back to you with feedback on your feedback?
36:58Maria McErlane:And if not, then you're weird. OK, so I think we're both going with weird. Yes. I don't know. I don't know. We are. We are. And that brings us to the end of this edition of Wanging On. It does. But I just have to say, if you need actual help from actual experts, then do seek it out via the proper channels. there's more information on our instagram which is at wanging on and wanging on with is a listen production we'll be back next week we'll see you then bye bye
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From the publisher
Graham and Maria give advice on a holiday fling, and a non-existent wedding invite. Plus Graham has the lowdown on his new body part... and what's the point of online reviews and surveys? Your weekly fix of Wanging On is here!
To take part in the show, email WangingOn@listen.co.uk
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label.
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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