Can You Tell Someone Their Breath Stinks?

16:53Maria McErlane:So when you see people doing that with their patios, you thought that would be in your mouth. That would be me. Your head would be destroyed. Yeah, well, but I would at least get rid of everything that's in there. And your teeth. And my teeth. But no, not like that. So I would say stick with the sticks rather than the water thing. Yeah. Reg, the salop boy, whatever that means. Dear Graham and the gorgeous Maria. Oh, Reg. You could buy an old World War II gas mask. I reckon he'd get the message pretty quick. However, in all seriousness, this may actually be a sign of an underlying health issue.

17:26Maria McErlane:So if you love him, then you need to pluck up your courage and tell him, what's the worst that can happen? He pins you down and breathes on you. Very good. Thank you, Reg. Well, I do think that's true. I do think, you know, find out, is he having trouble with his sinuses? Is he feeling reflux? Is he getting indigestion? All of those questions you can ask first. And you know what the other thing is, Grace, this is kind of the first test of your relationship. You're with him a year. You like him, apparently. So if you can't get past this, if he reacts so badly to this news, then this relationship was not meant to be.

18:02Because actually, he should be able to take it from someone who cares about him. He should. If he believes that Grace... And if he can't, it's a deal breakup. Yeah, I would say. Because who does he think Grace is? You know, is Grace just this horrible woman who's tried to make him feel bad? No. She's someone who cares about you and is worried about you.

18:20Maria McErlane:Good. Jenny in Newcastle, leave him I spoke too soon A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone who disgusts you Well that's a fairly categorical journey in Newcastle But there are ways I think before we get to that Before we get to that red flag I'm leaving you, you disgust me Out of nowhere It's you, not me Hillary says, best just to tell him, in a shit sandwich He's been eating them Yeah.

18:53Maria McErlane:That'll do, won't it? That'll give you a bad breath. That will. Woo! What is that? What have you been eating? Praise him, then criticise, then praise. Declare your love and then reassure him with a passionate kiss after he takes a dose of mouthwash. I feel sick. Yeah, that's not good. Nicola in Derbyshire, she says, you know Derbyshire? Oh, I do, the big district. I have found that kissing is the best time to bring it up. Say something like, have you brushed your teeth today? And if he says yes, just state politely that you've noticed recently, even after brushing, there's a bit of a smell. Then suggest he book in a hygienist appointment.

19:31Maria McErlane:Do not mention it in a fight or if he's a bit vulnerable. No matter how tough they seem, it can break them. But don't choose being nice over being kind. If you love and respect him, then you should say something. Hope it works out. Well, no, I think that she does have, look, in the end, there's, you know, there's all the subtle things you do. But in the end, if you are going to be with this person, this is a pretty basic conversation to have. So you should be able to have it. And he should be able to take it. Yeah. And if he can't, well. Anyway, Grace, hopefully we've given you some options there.

20:04But you could always scroll down below this on Spotify or YouTube and see if there's any extra advice in the comments below. Maria, we'll have another problem. In but a moment. Oh. This episode is brought to you by Indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs to find the right people with the right skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate C. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs have four times more applicants than non-sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast.

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21:24That's why Trace Mineral Drops delivers over 70 essential minerals to help restore what your body is missing. So if you're choosing just one supplement, make it minerals. Trace Minerals. Minerals keep you moving. Save 20 % on traceminerals.com with code podcast. Wangers rejoice. You can watch us on your TV.

21:46Maria McErlane:Hooray! If you have a smart telly, you can go to YouTube or Spotify and search for Wanging On. Yeah, it's great. You can find our full episodes, all of them. So you can binge them all or you can watch us weekly, like a normal person. This is the brave new world of visualised podcasting, Maria. I am all over it. Stream Wanging On on your smart telly now. Maria, let's spoil our audience with another dilemma. Are you excited about this one too? Ish. Not so much. I peaked. You peaked early. Dear Graham and Maria, my partner and I have been together for many years and we have my friends and we have his friends.

22:29Maria McErlane:I am friends with his friends and he is friends with my friends. No issues there. This is a children's book. Janet's friends with John and friends. No issues there. The issue is when we combine these two groups. When we have hosted parties in the past, both sets of friends then often separate themselves into their own groups and very little mingling happens. My friends are quite outgoing and have often told me that his friends are not very welcoming and don't make an effort to talk to them. I thought that this was a bit over the top until I saw it for myself with my own eyes. At our last party, I introduced one of my good friends and her boyfriend to two people in my boyfriend's friendship group.

23:12Maria McErlane:It was incredibly awkward. They didn't ask any questions and continued having their own conversation, leaving my friends out. While I don't expect them to be bosom buddies, I do expect them to at least try and talk to each other as they have the mutual connection of being friends with us. Is there anything I can do or should I just let it go? And that's from Veronica. Don't hear many Veronicas these days, do you? You don't. Veronica Mars. It's a nice name, though. Veronica. Well, Veronica, I think you say when we host parties, I think you have to step away from the hosting of the parties and you have to invite certain little groups of his friends and your friends, smaller, to different sorts of events.

23:54Maria McErlane:Maybe go bowling or something where there's chat. People are invariably quite shy and will always gravitate back to who and what they know. So I think when it's a big party and that's his friends and that's my friends, they're going to stay on opposite sides. But if they know each other from something else, something else we've done, you know, go for a cinema night or go on a walk on a Sunday morning in the pub. So you integrate little sections of these friends of his with yours. And then when there is a big party, it's not like everyone's coming at it cold. They know the person from hiking or they know the person from the cinema or bowling.

24:31Maria McErlane:It's a really difficult one because the only common denominator is you and your partner, Veronica. The thing I struggle with, why does it matter? Because who cares if they're friends with each other? You're friends with them, Veronica. You get on with them. End of. Your party's still a big success because one gang is all talking to each other and one gang's all talking to each other. Everyone has a nice time and goes home. Well, she wants there to be some sort of crossover, obviously, because if she's thinking in the future, you know, I'd like for them all to get on. What's weird is that you're not making any effort to make that happen.

25:04Well, I think what's odd is that they've been together for many years. And I think as you, you know, you stay with someone for a long time, your friendship groups do become one friendship group.

25:14Maria McErlane:Yeah, because you have people over for dinner or you meet people in the pub. But that doesn't seem to have happened. It's odd that. It is quite odd. I know she's blaming his friends. Yeah. But it has to be her friends too. But also don't ever say, oh, you know, have you met, blah, blah, blah. It's like people just go, oh, yeah, hi, and then carry on with our conversations. You've got to work to integrate people. Twister, that kind of thing. Yeah, no, not twister. But, you know, common denominators, oh, so-and-so has just been learning French, and you've just come back from Paris, and blah, blah, blah, all of that, whatever.

25:48Maria McErlane:You know, conversational gambits. I'm going for an Uber. Comment, comment, idea Uber? Au revoir. A bientôt. You've got to work. I mean, you know that you've got to work to kind of knit those social groups together. Yeah. I mean, I do think you're right. Activities are probably the way forward. So, you know, like a... Yes, like a little hiking weekend or something like that where people have to do things together. And different sets, different sets, different sets. So that, you know, there is a crossover. It's not just like a wedding where there's your family, my family. But I think, Veronica, you know, you can't just, you know, these aren't dogs or children.

26:32You can't just pile them all in a room and kind of go, well, there you go, play. Have a nice time. You've got to, you know, use your human eyes and ears and go, I think they will get on with those ones. Because, you know, not everyone does get on. And not everyone, as you said, not everyone has things in common. So, you know, use your own sense of judgment as you're putting these groups together.

26:53Maria McErlane:Yeah, but actually also this does, you know, this falls into the category of first of all, a problem. Oh, I mean, you don't really have a problem, Veronica. No, you don't. And if all that fails, I would say don't have any more parties. God, for everyone's sake. They all hate them. They've even called us to tell us. Yeah. Veronica's party. If I talk to them, I might get invited again. Shall we see what the wangers? Oh, the wangers. Yes. We forgot about the wangers. Rain says, doesn't tell us where rain is, everywhere at the moment. I think perhaps an improv game, an improv game such as one word at a time might help.

27:33Maria McErlane:Create two teams, create teams of two or three people consisting of friends from his group and her group. The host of the party gives them each a scenario, only when it's their turn and not before, such as how I made dinner or what I did on holiday. Each team has 60 to 90 seconds to tell the story one word at a time in front of the group. Set the timer and off you go. At the end of the game, everyone votes for the best story. Points or a silly prize can be given to the winning team. But at a party where there's a DJ, I know your face. I'm feigning illness. You wanted me to carry on with this. No, I want to know what it was.

28:05But can I just say, after each gives the scenario, I think I'm going to feign fainting. I'm just going to go, ugh, ugh, ugh.

28:15Maria McErlane:You can't do that at a collective party. This has to be one of those smaller kind of gatherings that we talked about. if you want to do an improv. Even more hot making. Ruth says, if this couple are serious about their friends integrating, they should put in the effort and be proactive to facilitate them getting on and perhaps organise some kind of group activity that acts as a good icebreaker. Things like a hike, followed by a drink at the pub or playing Padel. I'd do that. Maybe not the Padel, but I'd go for a hike and a drink. Maybe also a home blind wine tasting where you can cover the bottles and turn it into a game to guess the type of wine.

28:52Maria McErlane:That's better than one word at a time, frankly. Yeah, one wine at a time. Yeah, everyone gets so sloshed. People are usually a lot more friendly after a glass of wine or two. I think that's a good bit of advice, Ruth. Thank you. Yeah, that's not bad. Guy says, definitely don't say, hi guys, can I introduce you to Ben and Sarah? Two orcs. Create an inn. Like, hey, you've been to Japan. Ben and Sarah are going there. I've taken a gin, Ben and Sarah. Yeah, shut up. Or, Guy has another scenario he'd like to suggest. Guy says, does your dog pee on the sofa? Ben and Sarah's does, and she's nearly one.

29:33No wonder they're going to Japan.

29:36Maria McErlane:What's he doing going out with a one-year-old? Failing all this, I'm sorry, but they're probably just not into them. That's probably true. We've got a voice note. From Julian in Hamburg. I know. Hamburg. Hamburg. Hamburg. So I don't really think friends have to mix. We all have different people for different parts of our lives. And forcing it just makes it awkward, I guess. I don't know. But if you really want them to, I'd start smaller. Maybe one of your friends, one of his, super low pressure. Or if you're feeling super brave, do a games night where people have to mix in teams. It's torture.

30:12But nothing bonds people like some mild social torture. I think that's true, Julian.

30:19Maria McErlane:And then they'd never come to your group parties. And then you'll see pictures online of them all at another party together that you're not at. That's really the ultimate, isn't it? Revenge. I liked Julian in, where was he? He was in Hamburg. Hamburg. I could detect a South African voice there. Could you? It was an accent, certainly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, accent, that's one. Accent, that's one thing. Any more for any more? Yeah, Imogen says, long time listener, first time wanger. Hooray, welcome wanger. imagine that your two circles of friends are the circles of a Venn diagram you and your partner are the thin sliver where the circles meet kindly I suggest you move on oh thank you Imogen Imogen is our demographic oh my god the Venn diagram a tough bitch who doesn't give a shit come on that's our sweet spot right there yeah please and welcome Imogen welcome Imogen we need your wedding welcome to our world and more Venn diagrams thank you very much Oh, Veronica, thank you very much for that dilemma.

31:18It actually got a really big response. And just a reminder, we have one email address and one email address only. So if you want to send in a dilemma or join a list of the wangers who give advice, or indeed ask the question, am I weird? Do get in touch. It's wangingon at listen.co.uk.

31:35Maria McErlane:Wangingon at listen.co.uk. And somebody has used that address to send in this week's am I weird? What is? What is? What is the weird today? This comes from Jane in London. Am I weird that my absolute favourite time of the day is going to bed on my own? I can think of nothing more joyful than getting into bed with no one talking to me, asking me anything and either scrolling on my phone or reading a good book. I have a very busy life, two teenage boys and a younger girl. My husband leaves for work at 8am and gets home at 7pm. I work from home, which is stressful having to juggle with all the house admin, children admin, burying children to clubs, various child dramas, doing 90 % of the housework and spending my life being asked what is for dinner.

32:23Maria McErlane:Slightly martyr-ish there, isn't it? Well, but also, where's the husband when she goes to bed? Asleep on the sofa, snoring. Oh, OK. She's locked him out. Having done a whole bottle of Johnny Walker. There was nothing for dinner. She was in bed, Graham. Why do you keep asking her what's for dinner? Where's the fucking dinner? She's in bed with a good book again. That is quite a lot that she's having to deal with. So you can say at some point, I don't care what's for dinner. Ask your dad. Yeah. Because she's already said, look, it's passive aggressive. I do 90 % of the housework. Well, she does.

33:04Maria McErlane:Who does the other 10 %? The children. It doesn't get done. That's what. It doesn't get done. It's a squalor. Yeah, squalor, 10 % of squalor. It's a good title for a book, 10 % of squalor. You could use that. For your book, I was thinking. Your shitty book.

33:25Maria McErlane:Now, we were quite nice before, but now we've been quite horrible. But actually, look, the bottom line is, I think, you know, Jane's very fortunate. Yes, she's got a lot going on in her life, but she really enjoys that moment of solitude. You would, wouldn't you? Well, you would. 90 % of the housework. But I think some people don't enjoy the solitude. Yeah, that's true. They're lonely. That's what we're saying. They're lonely. And she's not. You know, I love it, especially because I live by the seaside when it's raining and you can hear the sea outside and you get into bed and it's very much...

33:56Just the smell of Raffi's breath.

34:02Don't spoil it. Wafting you to sleep. with each wave crashing on the... Well, I think the seaweed's been out for a fun time.

34:13Maria McErlane:Well, I find Marathi's breath stops me from having to take a sleeping pill. It's the best drug there is, Graham. So what are we saying? Weird or not weird? No, not weird at all. Perfectly normal. We're jealous of you. Well done, Jane. Maria, I believe we've wanged on enough for one week. Remember, of course, there is plenty of expert help out there. Find a link on our Instagram as a starting point because we are on at wanging on. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a listen production. We'll see you next week. Goodbye.

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