Did Sharon Osbourne Send People Dog Poo?💩

6:44Maria McErlane:There were questions about motorway services. The first one, which was, I believe, Watford Gap. Was that the first one? I think it was. Oh God, there's one. It was certainly on the M1 because that was the first motorway.

6:56Graham Norton:What's the one? It's up kind of, I would say maybe the Lake District-y kind of thing. And it's so lovely. It's a normal one from the back. It's like car parks and da, da, da. But when you go in, it's a wall of glass. And they've put in this pond with lovely bedding plants. And it's just a view over the rolling hills. And you just feel like, oh, this is a destination in itself.

7:24Maria McErlane:But sadly, you can't remember what it's called. I mean, people around, is it Tenby? T-Bay. T-Bay. T-Bay services. T-Bay services. That's famous. That's famous.

7:33Graham Norton:I know it's ridiculous, but they are lovely.

7:35Maria McErlane:My favourite one was Toddington Services, which is quite near where I grew up in Bletchley. I say quite near, it's still a drive. But we used to go after sort of the youth club or whatever, if there was somebody you fancied, there'd be a pile of people going, do you want to come up to Toddington? Because they were open all night. So we would just go and sit in the service station, maybe snog somebody outside the toilet.

8:00Graham Norton:And share a cup of tea.

8:01Maria McErlane:And have a cup of tea. I mean, it's tragic, really.

8:04Graham Norton:I know, but you know, you made your own fun, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah, you know, copped off with truckers. 10-4. They have a bed with them. Would you like to see the inside of the cabin? Some of the happiest times of my life, Graham.

8:24Maria McErlane:I'll never get them back. I used to reminisce with Sally Traffic from Radio 2. Of course, yes. Because she's a big trucker fan. Oh, yeah, she goes to conventions. Did I say trucker? You said trucker.

8:32Graham Norton:She goes to conventions. She does, yeah. You haven't gone that far. The other thing I like about a road trip is I feel like the inside of your car is calorie-free. I feel like I can eat things when I'm driving that I couldn't eat in life. Don't you?

8:49Maria McErlane:No, it's always calories, isn't it? But it doesn't count. You're right. It doesn't really count.

8:54Graham Norton:You're just on a journey. So suddenly you're doing the drive-thrus for Mickey D. You're doing, you know.

9:01Maria McErlane:Mackie D's. Oh, lovely. I also feel in a similar vein that when you buy things abroad, it doesn't count. Okay. It won't come out of your bank account. Yeah, it'll never reach them. Somewhere it'll get lost along the way.

9:19Graham Norton:When I was going to Australia for our summer, their winter in 1986, I think, I'd never had a credit card before. And so, because I was going away, I thought, I'll get a credit card. but that's where they're for, really handy. And I saw that my monthly limit was£350. Monthly? I thought that you got that every month. I thought it started again when the new month happened. Oh, I see. So in three months, I spent almost£1 ,000 on my credit card. And of course, back then, it was just a machine. They just ran through a machine. No one rang anyone. No one checked on anything.

9:57Maria McErlane:Does that mean you went overdrawn?

9:59Graham Norton:Oh, well, I came back to quite a lot of letters where tone got angrier and angrier. And I understood how credit cards worked after that. But no, no clue how credit cards work. That's what they should teach in schools. Yes.

10:13Maria McErlane:But what about this? A lot of my friends now are getting vans. This is a certain sort of age thing, like camper vans. Oh, yeah. Do you ever fancy doing something like that?

10:22Graham Norton:I mean, I like the idea, but then the reality is just like, oh, for fuck's sake, I don't want to do that. I don't want to wake up in a van on the side of the road unless I'm abducted.

10:30Maria McErlane:But that's like, that is just like, you know, everything you need is in this space and you can drive this space away. I quite like that notion.

10:38Graham Norton:Yeah, but then you've got to like fold up a table and pull out a cushion. Yeah, okay.

10:43Maria McErlane:Stick to hotels.

10:45Graham Norton:I think so. You've got to foot pump the shower. I like the fact that you know these things. Oh, yeah. Well, no, we had a caravan when I was growing up. Did you? Oh, yes. My parents were keen caravanners.

10:59Maria McErlane:Back of the car, wibbling about.

11:01Graham Norton:We didn't really go anywhere. Okay, just in the garden. No, no, we brought it somewhere and then left it there.

11:07Maria McErlane:Okay.

11:08Graham Norton:Yeah, till it literally fell apart. It kind of rotted into the ground.

11:12Maria McErlane:But did you like sleeping in it?

11:14Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, no, when I was a kid, I liked it. And it was fun, you know, and we have funny little, it was like eating airplane food because it's that funny little cooker and the funny little plates and the funny little things.

11:26Maria McErlane:Yes, everything's sort of tiny to fit in little holes.

11:29Graham Norton:So to speak.

11:32Maria McErlane:Yes, we went to Kayster Caravan Park one year where we hired a caravan. We drove there and then we hired a caravan there. Nice, yes. And I got obsessed with the penny slot machines and, you know, was found to be found most nights scrabbling about the back of the sofa in the caravan trying to find more money to spend on the slot machines.

11:52Graham Norton:Was it like the tipping point thing?

11:54Maria McErlane:It was all of them, you know.

11:57Graham Norton:We're sensing slot machine. That's what I'm getting. Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping.

12:01Maria McErlane:And also the tipping things, anything. I just became, you know, I think that's when I first started to be a gambler.

12:09Graham Norton:But also, when you watch tipping point, you kind of think, why did none of us know that would make good television? Because it is great.

12:16Maria McErlane:I mean, who'd have thought, though, that that would...

12:19Graham Norton:Because when you're in those arcades, you can watch it for hours.

12:23Maria McErlane:Why don't they do one, though, like a tipping point, but with the crane that comes down to get a very cheap toy? Oh, yes.

12:31Graham Norton:But it could be something big in tipping point. It's a giant tipping point machine.

12:35Maria McErlane:You're on it now. Yeah.

12:36Graham Norton:It could be a lazy boy or something. And, yeah. Does Ben Shepard still do it? I don't know. How does he find the time?

12:43Maria McErlane:I don't watch daytime television. Is that when it's on?

12:46Graham Norton:I believe so.

12:48Maria McErlane:Like both of us pretending we don't know.

12:49Graham Norton:I believe so. I don't know. I mean, I've never been a guest on it.

12:53Maria McErlane:Would you like to? Do they do a celebrity version? They do do a celebrity version. Oh, my God. What, don't they do a celebrity version of?

12:59Graham Norton:Yeah, but that would be quite humiliating, I think.

13:02Maria McErlane:We could have done Gogglebox together, you and I.

13:04Graham Norton:Yes, we could. Oh, the other one we could do is Pointless. They still make that. Let's do that. I could see the two of us sitting at a podium, but I would insist that we're out first and in the green room. Drinking. And then it's dry by the time the other people get out. I'm sure there was wine here earlier. Was there? You think you're clever now, knowing answers.

13:24Maria McErlane:I like your competitive spirit, though. Yeah. We're out first and we're in the bar.

13:29Graham Norton:Sorry, charity.

13:34Maria McErlane:Sorry, charity. Generic charity.

13:37Graham Norton:Would you like a drink?

13:40Graham Norton:People's problems and dilemmas cannot be avoided any longer. We are going to encounter them. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT Security Systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more.

14:16Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app to bank, borrow, and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow-up with the SoFi High Yield Savings Account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash Spotify. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank NA. Member FDIC. Terms apply.

15:12Maria McErlane:Again, it's wanging on, and we're on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, whatever your social media platform of choice.

15:18Graham Norton:There really is no escaping us.

15:23Graham Norton:Envelopes ahoy. Oh, the hand is out.

15:26Maria McErlane:It is, Graham.

15:27Graham Norton:Grabby, grabby, grabby. What have we got? What have we got?

15:30Maria McErlane:A few short. You had one job. Dear Graham and Maria, my older sister is currently in her late 40s and went through a messy divorce a few years ago. She's obviously going through some sort of catharsis and while she says she's happy, there's a certain level of intensity to her that I can't ignore. She has had multiple parts of her body pierced. Not a problem. But the recent trend is tattoos. Now, I don't mind tattoos.

16:02Graham Norton:I think you do.

16:05Maria McErlane:No, wait. I don't mind tattoos. I have them. but I don't think her tattoo artist is very good. In the space of eight months, she now has nine tattoos and shows no sign of stopping. These aren't small, subtle tattoos. I think they look shit. Okay, don't sit on the fence.

16:23Graham Norton:Wow.

16:23Maria McErlane:The artwork is messy and most of them look smudged. What should I do? Is this just a case of somebody finding themselves after a difficult relationship? or is this a red flag that actually she needs help processing what she's been through? If so, how do I bring this up with an individual who has a history of being extremely defensive? If it goes wrong, I will be given the silent treatment for a few months. And that is from Anonymous. Oh, Anonymous. I like that, the red flag. But can you see it's a red flag around the edges? Is it blurred? Have they gone over the lines? Is it a tablecloth? What is that?

17:03Maria McErlane:I think it's something. You know that thing that you have autonomy over your body? Your sister has autonomy over her body. And if she wants to put all the art in the world, however bad, on it, that is her prerogative.

17:19Graham Norton:And also, I like that it has a history of being defensive. Yeah, try criticizing the permanent tattoos she's just put on herself. Nine and eight months. You know, we've had this before. It's a classic thing where you see someone who clearly needs help. You know, she is behaving in a slightly odd way, slightly out of character. It's clearly a reaction to getting out of that relationship, out of that divorce. It's reclaiming herself and look who I am. But you can't help if people don't ask for help. You can't wade in because then she will just push you away.

17:57Maria McErlane:Because she's not a child. You know, she's nearly 50. She knows what she's doing with herself. And yes, it is clearly a reaction to what's happened. And there's pain and hurt. And she's marking her body as a sign that she's reclaiming it, as you say. And you don't like it. But if she likes it, that's all we need to know.

18:17Graham Norton:I mean, a tiny thing you could do is recommend a better tattoo artist.

18:22Maria McErlane:Well, that's the other thing, yes. But how many more is she going to have?

18:25Graham Norton:Well, I mean, nine and eight months.

18:28Maria McErlane:But even that to somebody who's very defensive, even saying, look, should we go and have one together? And I've got a really great person. And so introduce her to somebody who isn't going to go over the lines or smudge things. Then that might be a nice thing to do, to have one together, if you want another one. Well, she's got tattoos. Yeah. Anonymous has. Yeah, I feel like it isn't, I get it.

18:50Graham Norton:Because clearly, maybe her ex-husband hated tattoos or thought body piercing was terrible. But what's weird is that in claiming her autonomy and sort of reclaiming herself, she's kind of being defined still by him because she's doing the things he didn't like. Well, we don't know that. But you kind of think, why else would she be doing it?

19:14Maria McErlane:Well, I think she's doing it because she's kind of going, I am strong, I am free, I am woman. I am smudged. I am sad and smudged, yes.

19:23Graham Norton:I'm a little blurry.

19:25Maria McErlane:We all get a little blurry past a certain age.

19:28Graham Norton:And also, you know, Anonymous' tattoos are going to get quite blurry soon. I mean, it happens to us all.

19:34Maria McErlane:That was the thing that always put me off of having tattoos.

19:36Graham Norton:Yeah, pointing them and going, and this used to be... When I got it, it was a...

19:42Maria McErlane:Because that will happen. It's kind of inevitable.

19:45Graham Norton:I think so, yeah.

19:46Maria McErlane:And people still... I mean, it's body art, so it's changing all the time, I suppose. I'm trying to be positive about it. You don't have any tattoos, do you?

19:54Graham Norton:I don't. I'm waiting.

19:56Maria McErlane:Oh, you're going to have some?

19:57Graham Norton:I think the appropriate time to get a tattoo is when you're in your mid to late 80s. Because then you won't get bored of them.

20:05Maria McErlane:What does it say? I'm coming, Jesus.

20:10Maria McErlane:Keep those gates open.

20:11Graham Norton:Yeah. Can you read between the lines?

20:16Maria McErlane:Yes, I suppose those kind of things, when you're older, they can be like a few to...

20:21Graham Norton:And also, you're not going to get bored of them. You're not going to regret them. There's no time for any of that. So it's just a fun thing to fill your days. I mean, really, tattoo artists ought to go to old people's homes. You know, like the hairdresser. A tattoo artist should rock up on a Tuesday afternoon. And I bet you they've got lots of customers.

20:37Maria McErlane:But tattoos are very painful to have done, but also very addictive. You know that thing of the pain is quite good, and then you like what you see, and then you want to have another one and another one.

20:47Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, people pick parts of their body that are more sensitive, don't they?

20:51Maria McErlane:Oh, don't even go there, because people have tattoos in the most ridiculous places. Somebody was telling me about having a friend that they'd met, who was a gay man, with an anal tattoo. Oh. Like literally around the balloon knot. Nice. Can I say that?

21:11Graham Norton:I think you have. I mean, I kind of, what, was it just like a flower or something? I think it...

21:21Maria McErlane:A flower bed? some hardy annuals I actually think that what it was was you know how people get like complete blackout things oh yes that oh okay so it's a lot of around a very sensitive part of your body all I can think is it must have had so much juice that area that it lost all feeling I think I'm delving pardon the pun too far into that world.

21:52Graham Norton:I feel like we strayed from Anonymous' sister who got a dolphin on her shoulder. I know, but I'm giving her an idea

22:02Maria McErlane:around the coin purse.

22:11Graham Norton:Yes, then come back and talk to us. Yeah, yeah.

22:15Maria McErlane:You ain't seen nothing yet, Anonymous.

22:17Graham Norton:Well, hopefully never will.

22:19Maria McErlane:Shall we see what the...

22:21Graham Norton:I can't imagine what the bangers are going to say because, you know...

22:24Maria McErlane:I think they're probably going to be a bit without the none of your business, really. Well, you can't... It's not that it...

22:29Graham Norton:Okay, I think the point is Anonymous cares about her sister, sees this slightly erratic behaviour, and knows that she needs help. Yeah. But you just can't.

22:41Maria McErlane:I think you can ask... You can see her a lot and, you know, be there for her. But I would say keep the tattoos out of your mouth. Don't mention the tattoos. Don't mention the piercings. Just mention how she's doing and what she's doing and would she like to come with you to a thing. You know, she's rebuilding her life. We don't know how long she was married, but it sounds like it was all very messy.

23:01Graham Norton:Yeah, no, it sounds like an awful divorce. I mean, I think...

23:04Maria McErlane:And as a sister, you can help with that.

23:06Graham Norton:And also, by the time you're in the late 40s, any divorce is going to be messy because you've had a life.

23:10Maria McErlane:I can't keep saying tattoo, by the way, because it's one of those words that the more you say it, It sounds ridiculous. Tattoo. Tattoo. I might say it like that now.

23:19Graham Norton:Okay.

23:19Maria McErlane:Pete on the Isle of Wight says, it sounds like she needs a therapist, not a tattooist. Miss Jean Broody. Miss Jean Broody. Oh, girls, what have you done? Maybe she likes the pain and subsequent rush of endorphins, hence the piercing and tattoos. Maybe it's a form of self-harm. That's kind of more likely, I think. I suggest you write her a heartfelt letter pointing out carefully that it comes from a place of love. If you confront her face to face, it might go pear-shaped. Big love. Well, that's nice, Pete, but I think a letter from a sister is like, really?

23:56Graham Norton:No, I get Pete's instinct there because you're right. A letter is often a good way to confront something like this where the person has time to consider what you've said.

24:06Maria McErlane:And reread it.

24:07Graham Norton:Yeah, before you react. But I think you're right. I think in this instance, because it's a sister, because it's permanent body ink, the letter's not going to go well.

24:17Maria McErlane:No, I think just be there to support her and really don't bring up the tattoos or the piercings. That's for a later date. I think it's all too raw at the moment. Lisa in Shrocks here says, I think the red flag is that you think your opinion of the quality of her tattoos is relevant. Ooh, I like it. Lisa has strong opinion. She's obviously happy with them if she's going back for more. She's told you she's happy already, but you seem hung up on her divorce from a few years ago. If she wanted to confide further in you, she would. But for that, you do need to be a safe space for somebody. Judging purely on the way you framed your question, I'm not sure you're a safe space for your sister.

24:58Maria McErlane:Word choice really does matter. Lisa in Shropshire is not pulling any punches there.

25:03Graham Norton:No, and actually, Lisa in Shropshire does have a point. Good point. I think Anonymous does care for her sister, But yeah, if your relationship is one of judgment and thing, then nothing's going to go well. You're on very slippery ground, aren't you? Simo not only lives in Leeds, but has spoken aloud.

25:25Maria McErlane:Get out of here. I think the tattoos are immaterial, really. If they are crap, there's nothing she can do about it now. So pointing out that you don't like them won't be helpful. and if you do think that she's entering some kind of crisis then I think just supporting her as best you can and gently just spending time with her and checking in in a way that isn't going to make her feel defensive should be your priority rather than criticising the tattoos.

25:53Graham Norton:I mean, true. SEMO speaks sense, yeah. Nothing because you have a spilt ink.

25:57Maria McErlane:I think sibling relationships are so difficult, especially sisters because you don't have a right to tell people what to do and yet that doesn't stop you. You still want to tell people, no, live your life the way I do because then you'll be happy. So, you know, it's a question of whether she should just back off, which I think seems to be the main advice.

26:19Graham Norton:Well, it's just that thing, isn't it? It's the difference between family and friends. I think you can kind of, you know, people are more careful around friends. Yeah. Whereas family, you kind of think, I can be rough and ready for this because we're bonded and nothing's going to break it. But actually, those bonds are broken quite quickly. So many people...

26:39Maria McErlane:All sorts of triggers that kind of, you know, from childhood, that rear their ugly heads that wouldn't normally bother you. But with your sister somehow, it just makes you see red.

26:49Graham Norton:Whatever. It's a really interesting problem for the comment section below. You know, can you ever comment on someone's bad tattoo? If you've got tattoos, how do you react to people commenting on them? let us know below this. Another problem is coming our way very soon.

27:31Graham Norton:Brokerage offer through SoFi Securities LLC. Member FINRA slash SIPC. Terms apply. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest. It's time to achieve your financial ambitions. Earn more on your savings with a SoFi Bank high-yield savings account. Ditch your higher interest credit card debt with a SoFi personal loan or start investing on an easy-to-use platform with SoFi Invest. Wherever you are on your financial journey, SoFi's got you covered. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify.

28:09Graham Norton:Letter two, letter two. Look at that, just beautiful.

28:13Maria McErlane:Do you think any of your fans have ever had your face tattooed on them?

28:17Graham Norton:God, I hope not. I mean, the good thing is it can't sag anymore. It's pre-sagged. If the tattoo's been well done. Yeah, yeah. That's very funny. They can have it for the whole of their lives.

28:32Maria McErlane:Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's two pages.

28:35Graham Norton:Not a two-pager. Okay. Maria hates it, but it's two-pager.

28:39Maria McErlane:I'm not going to read it.

28:39Graham Norton:If you want proper help, edit your letter.

28:44Maria McErlane:Is that so hard? Is it too much to ask? Anyway, here we go. Dear Graham and Maria, how do I resign from my job? Two years ago, I changed careers and landed what I thought was my dream job. Since joining, I've watched five colleagues be bullied and manipulated by our manager, all of whom eventually left the company, an example of her typical behaviour. She once gathered us all on a video call to tell team members they were disgusting for not replying quickly enough to messages she had sent at 7am on a Saturday. Wow, I've kept my head down, stayed out of her way and got on with the job. Unfortunately, I now seem to have fallen out of favour I recently got a rescue puppy which means my free time is no longer entirely devoted to work and I'm much less available for extra shifts This appears to have been the final straw The bullying and manipulation have started to come my way although only in small doses so far I suspect she's wary of pushing too hard given how many staff she's already lost Page two The good news is I found another job with a company where the management aren't raving lunatics.

29:59Maria McErlane:My question is, how on earth do I tell this woman I'm leaving? What's the best strategy for surviving the conversation and more importantly, the four-week notice period that follows? We don't even have an HR department, so there's no neutral third party to hide behind. Is it a phone call, a video call? do I arrange for another manager to be present or do I embrace the coward's route and send an email from a safe distance please help yours a soon-to-be ex-employee this is quite a meaty one I like this and my advice to you is you don't care about this woman I know you've got to serve notice but you can serve it in whatever way you want you've already got your other job it hasn't obviously needed references.

30:45Maria McErlane:Yes. So you've got four weeks where your life might be made hell. And you know that. But what's the worst that's going to happen?

30:53Graham Norton:Yeah. I mean, she's going to fire you. Yeah, exactly.

30:56Maria McErlane:So I would just say, send an email. That's kind of like, then it's formal. I'm giving you four weeks notice as of blah, blah. I hope this won't change our relationship. And I have enjoyed working in all of that blah, blah. Yeah. And then you can say, I'm available to talk about this should you want to. So you've put it in a letter, it's formal, and then she might talk to you about it afterwards. You know, she's obviously quite an unhappy person. I love to know what this is with the extra shifts and all of that.

31:24Graham Norton:But also, isn't it weird? Because as you were reading the letter, I was thinking, oh, I would send an email. And then we got to, oh, the coward's route, send an email. Why is that the coward's route? Well, because it's quite formal. It's not face-to-face. But I think what's good about it is, it's the modern equivalent of a resignation letter. Yeah, yeah. So it's dated. It's, you know, there's a paper trail. You sent it on this date. So this woman got it because God knows all she does is work. So she's got the email. She knows you're leaving. And I wouldn't even open the door. I wouldn't even do that kind of like any questions.

32:03Graham Norton:I think you end it with a bit of flattery of kind of, you know, I've so enjoyed my years at the company. I've loved working with you you're marvellous sad to go but I must seek new opportunities goodbye and leave it at that yeah maybe you're right and if she wants to be kind of you know toxic test for the next month let her just let her

32:22Maria McErlane:that is her name yeah

32:23Graham Norton:you know

32:23Maria McErlane:show up late leave early you don't care no you're out of there you could also you know you could email her and then CC the police

32:36Maria McErlane:just in case she cuts up rough

32:37Graham Norton:Oh, actually, you could CC the rest of the company. Ah. Or a couple of other managers. Because I do think you need witnesses here.

32:45Maria McErlane:Yeah, and you need kind of support as well, which if she's going to come back at you and they've been CC'd, they'll have you back. That was a good idea. That's a good idea.

32:54Graham Norton:But also, the CC about the other managers, then I think what you could do is, because if she has manipulated and bullied lots of other people out, and now you are the same thing's happening to you, like someone needs to say something so that other you know or maybe everyone knows and nobody cares I don't know but you feel like kind of going due to blah blah blah blah blah I no longer feel comfortable working at this firm I'm out of here I don't think you need to say that you just need to give notice I know that's all you need to do but I kind of think this is just you know we're going to get we're going to get a letter from another person in a minute saying you know it was all fine and dandy and then the woman with the dog got fired and now it's me well keep us

33:35Maria McErlane:in business.

33:36Graham Norton:That's true. Yeah, got to look at the bigger picture here. Yeah, I'm sorry you're going through this, but yeah. We feel your pain. We've had several of your colleagues writing to

33:46Maria McErlane:us. And we've said the same thing.

33:48Graham Norton:And we said, don't say anything, let it happen again. Because I do feel like maybe she has some sort of responsibility or, you know, she'd feel like it wasn't all in vain if she kind of, you know, said, hang on.

34:02Maria McErlane:She's just one of those people, well, this is her business. She works on a Saturday. You know, sometimes you get famous people who have assistants who want their assistants to be there whatever time they call. I don't know what you mean. Yeah. So she sounds to me like one of those, and I don't think they're ever going to change. Kind of workaholic, nothing else in their life, just a steady stream of sad people that no longer work for her. And one day she'll wake up and say, maybe the problem is me.

34:29Graham Norton:And here's the great thing, soon to be ex-employee, back home there's a puppy there's a puppy that loves you and whatever horror is happening at work when you get home you will forget about it because there's a little dog I like the fact that we've turned this round

34:47Maria McErlane:into puppy love well no because that is

34:49Graham Norton:literally that puppy has saved her life because that puppy is getting her out of here the puppy is what's made her realise oh I need a life work balance because now I have a life because there's this little thing that wants to see me and I want to be with and I enjoy.

35:04Maria McErlane:Now you have a puppy work-fat balance.

35:06Graham Norton:Yeah, but it's a happy thing. And it's going to bring her to a happy place. No, I still want to talk about her puppies. You know, let's see some pictures.

35:19Maria McErlane:Where's the puppy?

35:21Graham Norton:I know.

35:22Maria McErlane:Okay, let's see. Alison in Chicago, Illinois. Oh, that's Chicago? Yeah. I feel your pain. I am in an eerily similar situation. I have been with the same company for 14 years, and management changes have resulted in an increasingly toxic environment. It's been a tough decision, but I've decided I deserve a job that doesn't make me miserable. That's all about Alison, isn't it, now? No, we're going to get there. As for how to notify your boss of your decision to leave, is any particular method stipulated in your contract? If not, do whatever is easiest for you. As for surviving the termination period, is there any vacation or leave you have accumulated that will cut down on the number of days your physical presence is required?

36:14Maria McErlane:Try to use up every single moment of leave owed to you to make the time pass more quickly. Congratulations on the new job. I wish you all the best.

36:24Graham Norton:See, it does help when someone has a job. Because Alison knew about leave and holidays due to her and things. We were like, I don't know. Oh, you missed all your holidays because we forgot to mention them. Sorry.

36:42Maria McErlane:Because our lives are just one long holiday. Our bad.

36:48Graham Norton:So, thank God Alison in Chicago, Illinois has written in. Because that is very good advice. in this month, how much of it can you use in sick leave? How much of it can you use in your holiday leave?

37:00Maria McErlane:Working from home as well.

37:02Graham Norton:Yeah, working from home, you know.

37:04Maria McErlane:Claire from Suffolk says, it's not a coward's route to send an email or put a letter on her desk. You need to put your resignation in writing and say, in accordance with my employment contract, I give X weeks notice, so my last day will be X. That's not very helpful, is it? No, none of that makes sense, Claire.

37:22Graham Norton:I mean, she won't know when you're leaving. She'll be looking at the calendar and going, when is that? Yeah. Very confused.

37:29Maria McErlane:Say thank you for your time and experience and wish the company well. When she asks why you're leaving, just say it's better paid slash career development slash less of a commute or something. So you leave on good terms. You never know when you might need a reference. Oh, and make sure you've signed the new contract before handing your notice in. See, this is all good advice.

37:49Graham Norton:That's very good advice. But signing the contract, because if a toxic test gets wind of where you're working, she may swoop in and tell them you're a lazy cow.

38:00Maria McErlane:With a puppy.

38:01Graham Norton:With a puppy. You know what that means.

38:05Maria McErlane:Maximus in London says,

38:07Graham Norton:Maximus?

38:08Maria McErlane:Maximus. It's the opposite of Minimus.

38:11Graham Norton:That's his sister.

38:14Maria McErlane:Who he doesn't get on with.

38:17Graham Norton:Micimus and Minimus.

38:20Maria McErlane:Maximus in London says, This is astonishing, and no wonder so many people have left. My advice on how to resign, enjoy every last second of it. Don't let someone else's reaction deter you from making this a moment of catharsis. It sounds like you desperately need. Perhaps if you want to Irish exit from the job, you could leave a gift from your new dog on her desk and go missing in action. No, Maximus. No, no.

38:48Graham Norton:Don't make it worse.

38:49Maria McErlane:Don't make it worse. and also, you know, work out your notice. That's the right thing to do.

38:55Graham Norton:Remember Sharon Osbourne used to do that thing of selling... She did, in a Tiffany box. ...in Tiffany boxes so everyone opened them because everyone thought, oh, what is this? Her little dog poos. But she had very small dogs.

39:05Maria McErlane:How do we know they were dog poos?

39:07Graham Norton:Oh, because they're very small. What?

39:10Maria McErlane:She hardly eats.

39:15Graham Norton:You think Sharon Osbourne was squatting over Tiffany boxes?

39:19Maria McErlane:No. I'll be out in a minute, Aussie. You decant it, obviously, afterwards.

39:26Graham Norton:With a slotted spoon.

39:27Maria McErlane:I think it's much more pleasing. If I was going to send somebody a poo, I think I would find it more pleasing to send my own poo. Really? Yeah.

39:35Graham Norton:I'd feel judged. Judged by your poo? Yeah, I'd be like, what has he been eating?

39:42Maria McErlane:What the hell's that? Maybe then they could send it off to forensics. Oh, yes. they could come back and say oh your liver is

39:51Graham Norton:dangerously bloated Anonymous thank you very much for getting in touch remember this is such a temporary problem soon you're going to be in a new job you've got your puppy life's going to be golden Huzzah! it's going to be it's all going to be in the rear view mirror The Dilemma came to us via our email address which is wangingon at listen.co.uk please send yours if you'd like a little help or it's also the address you use if you ask this question Am I weird? Halah! What have we got?

40:21Maria McErlane:Today's Am I weird is from Emma. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird? I'm really looking forward to going on a trip this month. I love going through security at the airport, and I really like reading the laminated safety card on the plane. Sincerely, a young wanger, Emma from Florida. I'm going to forgive you, Emma, because you are young, so you haven't been on many trips. This will not last. your excitement.

40:47Graham Norton:But I think more people should do this.

40:49Maria McErlane:What? Be excited about security?

40:51Graham Norton:And about reading the security thing and also paying attention to the safety demonstration. What? I'm a very good audience member. I always feel like I might have a book, I might have whatever, but when they're doing the demonstration, even if I'm the only one, I look at them. We want medal? No, but I just feel like they're doing their little show for us. Somebody must watch it because it's like in the pub. If someone is singing with a guitar, I do feel morally obliged to turn around and listen to the fucking caterwauling while it's going on.

41:25Maria McErlane:Well, that would just indicate that you're a good person, and I know that that's not true.

41:31Graham Norton:But I like to be seen to be. Yes, I know. I like the optics to suggest I'm a good person.

41:37Maria McErlane:Yes, I'm listening, Estuadess. Oh, yes, pull the toggle. Oh, put it on the baby first. Oh, no, second, second. Put it on the baby. The oxygen doesn't make this sense.

41:46Graham Norton:See, you have listened.

41:48Maria McErlane:Well, I've been on so many planes, but, you know, I kind of know it off by heart now.

41:52Graham Norton:Yeah, well, you know.

41:53Maria McErlane:Of course, they all vary for every plane.

41:55Graham Norton:You may not have been on a plane like this before. Well, one that's going to land. Anyway, Emma, good on you for still being excited about your trips.

42:04Maria McErlane:Yes, that's good. That is lovely that you have such an enthusiasm for life. Long may it continue.

42:08Graham Norton:Oh, and also, Emma, get it together at security. Make sure your pockets are empty. You know, don't be delaying anyone. Take your belt off while you're queuing. Don't wait till you get to the little thing.

42:20Maria McErlane:Don't have a packet of Maltesers in your pocket when you're going through the x-ray.

42:25Graham Norton:Oh, no, because they'll melt them when they pat you down. Yes, I think there is a pleasure to be had from being the really good person at security. Because there are so many people at security who kind of think, you must have travelled before. why have you got total amnesia about what happened?

42:45Maria McErlane:Can I tell you why people have total amnesia? It's because they have been put through one of those kind of like cattle grids of 95 layers of queuing systems that's not necessary. They are completely defeated by the whole process and they've got another 15 hours to go. So people are just tired. Now they've got to take their shoes off. I got told off very badly for having an aerosol in my suitcase, in my carry-on.

43:13Graham Norton:For some reason, I thought you were going to say air rifle, and I was thinking, fair enough. That was another time. That was another time. An aerosol?

43:21Maria McErlane:Yeah, a deodorant thing. I just, you know, and it was literally a mistake. And I got really told off. So much so that I went, all right.

43:30Graham Norton:Yeah, I remember my friend Maureen, she came to visit me in South Africa.

43:35Maria McErlane:Not Maureen. Yeah, Maureen.

43:36Graham Norton:She'd been through security in Heathrow. She then landed at Johannesburg, had to go through security again to get on the plane down to Cape Town. She came into her house, put her hand in the pocket of her coat and pulled out a screwdriver that she'd forgotten was there. So like, how good is security? Emma, have a word. When you're there, have a word.

43:55Maria McErlane:That's true.

43:56Graham Norton:Yeah, try to smuggle things through, Emma. Test them. And then when you get through the other side, I have a bread knife!

44:06Graham Norton:What are you doing? Emma, you are not weird. You're a very good traveller.

44:12Maria McErlane:You're lovely.

44:13Graham Norton:Yes. Well, Emma's globetrotting antics bring us to the end of this edition of Wanging On with Graham and Maria.

44:21Maria McErlane:Please remember, by the way, we're not experts and never will be. I used to like to think we will. Oh, okay.

44:28Graham Norton:I dream of a day when you don't have to say this.

44:31Maria McErlane:Oh. When will that be?

44:33Graham Norton:In the future.

44:34Maria McErlane:Okay. For genuine help.

44:35Graham Norton:Emma will be too old to travel.

44:38Maria McErlane:For genuine help with any of life's problems, seek it out from the proper channels. There's more on our Instagram, which is at wangingon.

44:47Graham Norton:Wanging on with Grave Maria is a platform video production. And guess what? It's all happening again next week, like it or not.

44:53Maria McErlane:Huzzah!

44:54Graham Norton:High five.

45:05Graham Norton:At ZocDoc, we know being a healthy adult is like living in a video game. Every day has side quests, taxes, laundry, birthdays. And just when you're leveling up, you have to book a doctor. The insurance portal crashes. They put you on hold. Your doctor doesn't take your plan. Game over. We see you. So we made booking a doctor easy. Download ZocDoc. Search by specialty, insurance, and availability. Book instantly. No cheat codes required. Find a doctor you love with ZocDoc. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building.

45:41Maria McErlane:The final season of FX is the bear.

45:45Graham Norton:The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be OK. No, stop.

45:51Maria McErlane:Or not.

45:53Graham Norton:We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other. FX is the bear, the final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+.