'Doggie Thursday' and Graham the Birthday Boy...!

4:14Maria McErlane:Right.

4:15Graham Norton:Yeah. I would never post or do anything on that.

4:17Maria McErlane:No, no, no.

4:17Graham Norton:But it's a good record of when anyone's birthday is. Yeah.

4:22Maria McErlane:What is? Well, there's diaries for that.

4:24Graham Norton:Yeah, but then you'd have to actually remember. Write things down. Yeah, right. And then you'd have to look at your diary.

4:29Maria McErlane:And also, people with presents at birthdays, is I think now we're at this age, this ripe old age, you don't want any more things because we've got... Money. You want money? Yeah. I want someone to pay my electricity bill. If you could, Maria.

4:41Graham Norton:If you could just write me a cheque.

4:43Maria McErlane:How much do you want this year? Well, it's a big age. Yeah. It's a big age. I gave you a million last year. Do you really want me to increase that? Well, another million would be welcome. Thank you. Well, when people say Graham's on the rich list, I go, I know. I've put most of that money into his account.

4:59Graham Norton:Yeah. Birthdays and Christmas. Birthdays and Christmas.

5:02Maria McErlane:A million. Nothing less than a million will do. I'm famous, don't you know?

5:08Graham Norton:Yeah. It'd be rude to offer anything less.

5:10Maria McErlane:And cakes. Do you like a cake? Not really. I'm not a big cakey person. No. Cheese. Big slab of cheese.

5:17Graham Norton:No. Thanks. My birthday cheese. Thanks. A melted candle in my cheese.

5:24Maria McErlane:What about one? I know what I can do. I can get lovely Sebastian to make you one of those cakes.

5:30Graham Norton:Oh, that looks like something. Yes. Like what's that show on Netflix? Is it cake?

5:34Maria McErlane:Yes, is it cake or is it a thing?

5:36Graham Norton:He should go on that.

5:37Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah. Why hasn't he?

5:38Graham Norton:I don't know.

5:39Maria McErlane:His cakes are very good.

5:40Graham Norton:No, no. Amazing looking. I mean, they're proper works of art. Yeah. Extraordinary.

5:43Maria McErlane:But also, you don't want to eat them then because they are works of art. Yeah.

5:47Graham Norton:I mean, but you can't keep a cape forever, can you?

5:50Maria McErlane:I've tried. But do you remember? I'm like Miss Havisham with a wedding cake.

5:54Graham Norton:No one came. But do you remember back in the day, people would send you a bit of the wedding cake? They don't do that anymore.

6:00Maria McErlane:No.

6:01Graham Norton:I wonder why, because that seems like a good waste of money.

6:04Maria McErlane:Because there are other wastes of money at your wedding.

6:07Graham Norton:You know the way they're always making you think of ways to spend more money at your wedding. I'm surprised they don't do that.

6:15Maria McErlane:Well, I think because the post takes so long, it would be well off by the time you arrived at your doorstep.

6:22Graham Norton:I've got you a rat in a box.

6:25Maria McErlane:Also, first class post is very, very expensive, Graham.

6:28Graham Norton:True that. Listen, enough about birthdays. We are here for the people, the listeners. Is that why? A dilemma is in our very near future.

6:41Maria McErlane:Maria, do you have a letter? Do you know, Graham, I do. Well, isn't that great? Not in that envelope, though. Or in that one.

6:50Graham Norton:When I say, do you have a letter, I think the answer might be no.

6:54Maria McErlane:Oh, no.

6:55Graham Norton:Oh, you have it. Oh, marvellous.

6:57Maria McErlane:I stuffed these earlier. Okay. Dear Graham and Maria, I'm a very lucky man with an amazing family and I love them to bits. Great. My wife is particularly devoted to our 14-year-old daughter, which is very sweet, but they're like a proper twosome. Here's what's grinding my gears. It's plain as day to me that, like me, our daughter doesn't have a musical bone in her body. Yet my wife encouraged her to take up the violin a couple of years ago. This is some sentimental significance to my wife, who grew up playing her mother's violin, so she wants it to run in the family, but it clearly doesn't. He puts in capital letters.

7:36Maria McErlane:Even after two years of practice and tutoring, the sound my daughter makes when she's playing in her room can be truly atrocious, even painful at times. I really can't see it getting any better, but my daughter is happy to continue, and my wife still thinks she might be about to unlock some sort of God-given talent. I'm going to pull my hair out what do I do please help wangers and that is from Greg Greg I hear you having played the violin myself I mean the violin

8:04Graham Norton:of all the instruments you had to give her a violin

8:07Maria McErlane:it is such a cacophony of noise when you don't get it right I mean I love the violin when it's played beautifully do you? yeah when it's played beautifully but you have to get past a certain point and I think if it's been two years Greg I'm not sure she's going to make it past that point. I think two years was about the time I gave up.

8:27Graham Norton:But also, what's amazing is that the daughter is still up in that bedroom, kind of sounding like some cat's being murdered, and thinking, I'm enjoying this. Well, because the wife is praising.

8:38Maria McErlane:The wife is praising and saying, you know, oh, it'll just be around the corner when suddenly you'll be doing Vivaldi's Four Seasons. And that is clearly not going to happen. And if you dig down, Greg, to your daughter, I wonder if she really does enjoy playing or is she just trying to please mum?

8:55Graham Norton:Now, here's the thing. Greg, I think the person you need to talk to here... Is your wife? No. Oh. Is whoever's teaching this kid the violin. And just go, look, we're two years in now. What do you think? You know, because the wife and the teacher may think actually, you know, she does have a thing. I think a bit more practice it is going to get better or the teacher might kind of roll their eyes and go well if I was you I'd stop spending this money

9:28Maria McErlane:What if though Graham there is no teacher it's the wife who is teaching her

9:32Graham Norton:Then there's no hope

9:36Maria McErlane:Get rid of the wife and the daughter And the violin Just leave on a ferry overnight

9:44Graham Norton:Or send them on a busking tour of Europe Yeah Ah, they make loads of money.

9:49Maria McErlane:People will feel sorry for them.

9:50Graham Norton:Yeah, that poor child, that poor deluded child.

9:53Maria McErlane:I think, you know, you have to really, you have to talk to them both, but separately, obviously, because you don't want to make it a big thing. Say to the wife, I'm not sure this is happening. I think he's a bit afraid of his wife, frankly.

10:02Graham Norton:Well, because it's sentimental for the wife, because the wife grew up playing her mother's violin. And so there's a kind of a link, a kind of a direct link back to the mother. And she's thinking, I'm going to pass this beautiful gift onto my daughter. Now, beautiful gift. It's not a gift. It's a burden. It's horrible. But I feel like, Greg, you are going to have to listen. You've been listening to it for two years. You know, you've been listening to it for two years.

10:28Maria McErlane:Three blind mice. Three blind mice.

10:34Graham Norton:That's how it is. So I think you've listened to it for two years. I think you're going to have to listen to it for a bit longer because you're just going to, you are going to really upset these two women in your life and you don't want to do that.

10:48Maria McErlane:It may well be that the daughter is quite good at something else, the clarinet, for example.

10:53Graham Norton:Or tuning out music. Not listening to things. I remember there was an episode of I Love Lucy years ago and there was this kind of Roman-y violinist in her house and she went, is it true you can make a violin cry? And the guy went, yes, it is. And then she got scissors and cut the strings That should make it hysterical then. Good joke. And I remember that from when I was a child. But I just, Greg, I just think two years down the line, it's too late now in a way. You know, you could have rolled your eyes early doors. But now I do think talking to the teacher isn't a bad idea because the teacher might go, well, to be honest.

11:41Graham Norton:and then you could say to the teacher, could you please say this to the wife? To my wife. That actually, you know, thank you for your custom, but I think you're wasting your money now after two years.

11:51Maria McErlane:It's going to be a terrible blow to the daughter's confidence now. I think that's why you have to tread very carefully here.

11:57Graham Norton:But it'd be worse if, like, who the hell was on my show? Ben, no, not Ben Affleck. Ben Stiller. Yeah. Ben Stiller was on the chat show and there was a clip of him and his sister when they were children. I loved that clip. And it was his parents who were a famous double act.

12:16Maria McErlane:I've seen the documentary. It's a very nice documentary.

12:19Graham Norton:It's a great documentary. And there's a clip, the parents bring them on national television and get the two of them to play the violin. And it's the most awful, because the parents are literally sat there laughing at them. And the children seem unaware of how god-awful it is. It's really terrible. And I feel like that is, you know, Greg's going to end, this daughter is going to end up at a school concert with the whole school just going, oh my God, what the hell is that?

12:52Maria McErlane:I mean, if it's anything like me and my mum when I was playing the violin, one day when I went to, you know, had a violin class, I couldn't find the violin. And so I had to miss it that week. And then I did look for it. And I said, where's my violin? I can't find my violin anywhere. My mum said, I took it back to the school.

13:12Maria McErlane:So, you know, harsh but fair. I got the message. Yes. And kind of I knew secretly that, you know, I wasn't good at the violin.

13:22Graham Norton:Yeah.

13:22Maria McErlane:But it doesn't stop me when I'm drunk if there's a violin anywhere. Really? Yeah.

13:27Graham Norton:Wow, you do that. I remember you bought me an accordion once.

13:29Maria McErlane:I did buy you an accordion. Yeah. Where is it now?

13:32Graham Norton:I believe it's in a giant bin. Do you know what? I think it's in storage.

13:38Maria McErlane:No, it's not. I mean, it was rather nice. Yeah, it was lovely. It had sort of Mother of Pearl on it and so on. It was a vintage. Obviously, it's a vintage thing. Yeah, yeah.

13:47Graham Norton:But no, I think it's in storage.

13:49Maria McErlane:It was quite a good objet for your then house, I think. Yeah, yeah.

13:53Graham Norton:But the objets from that house, I think, are in storage.

13:56Maria McErlane:In the bin. No, but no, it's in... Well, stop. No, exactly.

14:00Graham Norton:As I'm sitting here, I'm thinking I should be on the phone cancelling storage.

14:03Maria McErlane:Yeah, really?

14:04Graham Norton:Yeah. Or what's that show with Storage Wars?

14:06Maria McErlane:Yeah, sell your storage.

14:08Graham Norton:Well, no, they go and just break into your storage, don't they?

14:11Maria McErlane:Oh, no, because they buy the storage. They don't break in.

14:14Graham Norton:No, but don't you stop? But I think you stop paying for your storage.

14:17Maria McErlane:Oh, and then they sell them. The storage company sells them.

14:19Graham Norton:And then the storage company goes, do you want what's in this?

14:21Maria McErlane:Because I've seen people go, I paid$500 for this. And then they go through things and it's an old kettle. And they go, that's great. I'll get$10 for that. Yeah, yeah, that's the one.

14:30Graham Norton:And I think it's an auction, isn't it? You can bid on the sword units. Well, someone would do very well if they got by sword because there's an old accordion in there. Lovely. Right, let's find out what the wangers have to say.

14:43Maria McErlane:Yeah, let's do that thing because we clearly haven't helped. Niamh says, Hi, stressed out dad. There is nothing more frustrating than a parent shoving their dreams on their child. Speaking as a music teacher, I would sit and chat with your wife and ask her her honest opinion about your daughter's skills. This talent might have skipped a generation. I would then have an honest chat with your daughter about her playing. Tread lightly here as she is still a teen and she'll be self-conscious. I would ask her if she actually enjoys it or is she doing it because her mum is delighted to share something with her.

15:16Maria McErlane:Suggest they look for a different hobby together. Yeah, good advice, Niamh.

15:20Graham Norton:It is, and you're right, 14, you know, so. But the kind of thing, if the mother and daughter are enjoying this, this kind of mad thing, then just let it play out.

15:32Maria McErlane:Yeah, go out.

15:33Graham Norton:Yeah. Go down the pub. Kelly, not only is she in Dubai, she sent a voice note. Oh, no. I completely sympathize with your dilemma. As someone whose 12-year-old briefly took up the recorder, my primary piece of advice is earplugs, and not the phone ones, proper ones.

15:51Maria McErlane:I actually had custom earplugs made by a sound engineer, shaped to my ears and calibrated for maximum shriek deflection. It was worth every penny. Failing that, take comfort in the cold, hard maths of adolescence. If your daughter is 14, you realistically have about three weeks before the violin is tossed aside in favour of boys, girls, existential despair and vaping.

16:16Graham Norton:Wow.

16:17Maria McErlane:I like that. I especially like the end. Boys, girls, existential despair and vaping. That is true. I think you got that in a nutshell, frankly.

16:25Graham Norton:I mean, she really went for it with those earplugs.

16:29Maria McErlane:Eleanor says, Is this really about your instrument or is this a jealousy thing over your daughter and wife's connection? Learning an instrument is a fantastic thing to do and takes a lot of practice and patience. She may not be the next Hilary Hahn, but so what? There are much worse things a 14-year-old could be involved in. True that. Support her and get over yourself. Quite harsh there from Eleanor. Yes. But, you know, good point. Who the hell is Hilary Hahn? I don't know.

16:56Graham Norton:I wondered if you did. As you read it, I thought, she doesn't know who Hilary Hahn is.

17:01Maria McErlane:I'm going to hazard a guess, though, that Hilary Hahn is a very good violin player. Really good violin player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a clue.

17:07Graham Norton:I mean, she practiced for years, and she's really good, and we still don't know who she is.

17:10Maria McErlane:Or how to pronounce her name. Hahn or Han, I don't know. Lynn in Wimbledon says, I think it's great that your daughter is learning to play an instrument. I'm also impressed that she's happy to continue on with the lessons despite her slow progress. There is no way that you can ask her to stop her tutoring without causing upset and damaging her self-esteem. Tell her you're delighted she's keeping up the practice, but say that the volume makes it hard for you to concentrate on other things. You then present her with an electric violin and headphones.

17:41Graham Norton:Who is this?

17:42Maria McErlane:Lynn in Wimbledon is a genius. Then only she can hear the music she is producing. Silent electric violins can be bought relatively cheaply on Amazon. and will save you upsetting your daughter and your wife. Lynn's cracked it. Oh, my goodness. Lynn, that's brilliant. I'm not even going to read the others. No, I am.

18:00Graham Norton:That is absolutely brilliant. Yeah. But the only thing I would say is, you know, this thing will damage your self-esteem. At some point, I think you are being a bad parent.

18:12Maria McErlane:Yeah, I know.

18:12Graham Norton:If you don't go, you're rubbish.

18:15Maria McErlane:Yeah. I mean, look, my mum just sent it back to the school. Yes. Look at me. I'm perfectly sane.

18:21Graham Norton:Well, no, but the thing you're not doing is, and now to close the show, a tune on the violin.

18:29Maria McErlane:Until today.

18:34Maria McErlane:Three blind mouths. Let's see what Cathy says. Being a parent or any member of any family isn't all sweet, sweet music. Children are noisy and exhausting. Parents are petty dictators. But it's a glorious time full of laughter, fights and hugs. and it passes so quickly. If you're noise sensitive, get some headphones and applaud her efforts, not with the headphones on. Your daughter will have left home in four to six short years. I bet you'll miss the squawking then.

19:02Graham Norton:Do you think? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not so sure. Greg, a lot of parents sympathize with your problem. So thanks for writing in. Incidentally, Greg wrote in to wangingon at listen.co.uk. and that's our email address. So you could use it if you've got a dilemma. We'll have another one in just a moment.

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20:15Maria McErlane:It's more than the shade. It's who's wearing it. You. New Maybelline Serum Lipstick. Maybe it's Maybelline.

20:24Graham Norton:Maria, Maria, how do wangers get these episodes as soon as they drop?

20:28Maria McErlane:Oh, well, you see, Graham, you can tap follow on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube or your podcast app of choice. Totally free. Plus on Spotify you can tap the little bell icon and then you get notified when a new episode drops.

20:45Graham Norton:They really have thought of everything. What a world, Maria.

20:47Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.

20:49Graham Norton:Maria McCurlin cannot contain her excitement as she rips open envelope number two.

20:54Maria McErlane:She does. It should be very easy. One, two.

21:01Graham Norton:It really should.

21:02Maria McErlane:I make a meal of it every time, Graham. Okay, dear Graham and Maria, my mother-in-law is 70 and has long struggled with her weight. Around 13 years ago, for my sister-in-law's wedding, she lost around 10 stone. But since then, the weight has gradually returned and more. As she's got older, her weight and lack of mobility have slowly become an increasing concern. Over the years, we've all tried in our own way to raise our worries gently but honestly, particularly around her steps each day, her mobility and long-term health. Unfortunately, these conversations never seem to sink in. Even small suggestions like offering to walk around the block together once a week are shut down.

21:43Maria McErlane:Exercise bikes and weights have been bought with good intentions, but they've ended up unused, acting as clothes rails and eventually been given away. She no longer goes to the supermarket and now has all her shopping delivered, meaning even the small amount of walking she used to do has disappeared altogether. We feel increasingly worried about her weight, her diet, and her lack of exercise, and the impact these will have on her independence, mobility, and health in the years to come. The problem is nothing we've tried so far seems to make any difference. How can we get through to her without pushing her away or making her feel judged?

22:17Maria McErlane:Love the podcast, and that is from Robert. Robert, I know that is coming from a place of concern, but, you know, your mother-in-law is fully aware of everything that's going on. she's fully aware that she's too heavy, that she should get more exercise. You know, there's so much in this world that is, I should be doing this, I ought to be doing this. And, you know, this is her body, her life, and ultimately her decision. I think you have to look at the underlying problems here or the root of this because we know she can do it. She did it for the sister-in-law's wedding. When you're 70, what are you doing?

22:54Maria McErlane:You're thinking, I need some comfort, perhaps. I'm a bit lonely. I don't get out. I don't see people anymore because I don't get out. It is that use it or lose it scenario. You keep walking and you will be able to keep walking. So what is making her keep piling on the pounds? You know, you've told it to her and you've said it and other people have said it and she's probably sick of hearing that. I don't know what the solution is other than to tackle the underlying reason. What do you think? It's so tricky.

23:23Graham Norton:So she She was in her late 50s when she managed to lose 10 stars. Yeah. And I think it may be. We don't know. I mean, I suppose it's one of those things. As the weight comes back, you gradually feel defeated by it. Yeah, I think so. And also because, you know, I've never been that heavy. But when I've lost like two or three stone, like it's amazing the amount of energy it gives you. You feel so much lighter getting out of bed. So I imagine this woman, everything is an effort right now. So the idea of losing weight is just overwhelming.

23:58Maria McErlane:You see, she had motivation before for the sister-in-law's wedding. Obviously, at that age, she didn't want to be appearing as the mother with the chubby mum. But I don't think there's any motivation. There's no reasoning for her. Because a lot of people reach this age and they kind of go, oh, I'll just sit in this chair now until I die. Which is very defeated.

24:17Graham Norton:Yes, but I think there's also a selfishness to it because Robert and the rest of the kids will have to look after her. are going to have to do everything and it's going to be so hard and if she's too heavy to lift then she'll end up at home so quickly. She's only 70. You know, if she could turn it around.

24:37Maria McErlane:Is that enough of a motivation to know that your children are going to have to do everything or is it that you just feel defeated by that and also this is what I have to look forward to. my mobility will fade more I'll get fatter and you know I don't care if I die it's a bit like that I feel that she's lost the will yeah no clearly you can't give her that she has to it has to come from her

25:00Graham Norton:but you're absolutely right Maria you know this is not a child this is not an idiot this is a 70 year old woman who has lost weight in the past and must have felt great when she did but she knows she knows you know the fact that she stopped going to the supermarket that's because it was very tiring dragging herself around the supermarket.

25:21Maria McErlane:But is that all she did? Because if that is all she did, then you need to look at her life because no wonder she's sitting at home just eating. If that's all she had to look forward to was the supermarket. Does she go out? Does she see people? Has she got a social life still? 70 is not that old in the great scheme of things.

25:38Graham Norton:But I think if you've limited your mobility, suddenly 70 does seem old because, as you say, I'm not going out. I'm not seeing people. It has to come from her, that spark of, right, I'm going to do this. And it must be so frustrating for people who love her or are thinking, in a minute, I'm going to have to be looking after this woman. Because you want to help. You want to provide the spark. You want to provide the motivation. But I don't think you can.

26:10Maria McErlane:It has to come from her. It has to come from her. So that's why I think the underlying problem needs to be addressed. And also now, we do have these GLP-1 drugs that people can take that help with losing weight. But again, you need motivation. They don't work. It's not magic.

26:27Graham Norton:Yeah.

26:28Maria McErlane:Like Obazempic or Wagovia.

26:30Graham Norton:Yeah, but no, but you can still eat on those things if you want to. Yeah. You know, it takes away, I think some people, it does take away their appetite. But if you're eating for other reasons, it's not going to stop that.

26:41Maria McErlane:Like loneliness, like boredom.

26:43Graham Norton:Yeah.

26:43Maria McErlane:You know, what does she do at home all day? All these things, I think, need to be looked at rather than, you know, the end result is that she's getting fatter and she's losing her mobility. You need to find out why and give her that reasoning back. Should we see what the wangs?

26:57Graham Norton:Well, it'd be interesting to see what the wangers think because I think, you know, the temptation is things like, oh, get a dog and da-da-da. But I think she'll just, you know, the dog won't get walked.

27:05Maria McErlane:It seems that she's gone past that point. And, you know, there are some 70-year-olds who are very happy to just watch Holmes under the hammer.

27:14Graham Norton:Well, I quite like Holmes under the hammer.

27:16Maria McErlane:I don't know why.

27:17Graham Norton:Yeah. Dickinson's real deal. Hello.

27:22Maria McErlane:OK, let's see. Liv from New York says, when it comes to the issues of someone's weight, context is so important. Did your mother-in-law go through it and particularly difficult over this time as she might be struggling with depression or some other anxiety that is making it hard for her to leave the house and be active? This is most likely why she is rejecting the help and support from you all. Although buying someone unsolicited exercise equipment can instill a bit of resentment, regardless of the best intentions. Instead of telling her what she needs to do about her health, it may be more productive to show her what activity and community she can engage in if she were to get up and out every day.

28:01Graham Norton:I mean, inviting her places, giving her things to do, rather than kind of nagging her about, oh, you must go for a walk, say, oh, we're going out to do this. We're going to the garden centre. We're going to the coast. We're going to have a lunch, something, salad for you.

28:19Maria McErlane:Spider's web and some grass for you.

28:22Graham Norton:But no, just things to get her out of the house. You know, because, you know, we don't know how heavy this woman is now, but, you know, it'll get to a point where it's harder for her to get in and out of cars, all of that sort of stuff. So...

28:37Maria McErlane:Well, it sounds to me like she's on the cusp of sort of mobility scooter already. But as she gets everything delivered, there's no reason for her to go out. But what sort of life is that for somebody just staying in all the time? So I do feel rather than nagging Robert and telling her, you know, come on, you've got to get your steps in. You've got to be proactive with this.

28:57Graham Norton:Yeah, and give her reasons to leave the house.

28:58Maria McErlane:And give her reasons and give her something to look forward to and excitement. and then hopefully she'll get her mojo back, which is clearly what she's lost. Matt in Hove says, my mum had a similar issue a few years ago and I've stopped framing it with phrases like, it's about your health because it fills her with shame and negativity. I tried to have conversations about what she likes doing and then doing it with her. Since then, in the summer, we go swimming a lot. She's also 70 and loves it. She's now made a group of friends all of similar ages and they all swim together and socialise, etc.

29:32Maria McErlane:We also capitalised on her love for nature and the outdoors and bought a National Trust membership. One word of warning, try and stay away from the National Trust cafes because they are littered with very unhealthy treats, which nullify the good work the walking does. I think that's good advice, Matt. Yeah, all of that's good. And you've taken it, you know, by the horns and done things with your mum, which I think is the key.

29:58Graham Norton:And actually, both those people are saying, you know, So that idea of giving in, you know, giving exercise equipment or talking to them about, oh, we're worried about your health.

30:07Maria McErlane:That's heavy in your head. And also it seems impossible.

30:10Graham Norton:It just suddenly, you know, it seems insurmountable. Whereas, you know, oh, we're going to Wentworth House. Great, let's go.

30:16Maria McErlane:See, what you're doing is not caring. You're nagging. If you were caring, you would be doing these things with her and giving her motivation and so on. And yes, it's boring and dull to have a parent that needs kind of looking after, but that's what they did for you.

30:29Graham Norton:But at 70, you shouldn't be looking after your mother.

30:33Maria McErlane:No, no. But that's the way they're going. What are you trying to do, dog?

30:36Graham Norton:I don't know.

30:36Maria McErlane:I'm trying to get up. Here you go. Alison says, your mother-in-law knows how to lose weight. See the previous 10 stone loss. So your weight loss focus suggestions and purchases are fool's errands. Stop them. Maybe she needs a special event to look forward to as an incentive to lose weight. Perhaps focus on that and see what happens. That's kind of what we're saying, Alison. Voice note.

30:56Graham Norton:It's from Luke in Wicklow.

30:58Maria McErlane:Is that an island?

30:58Graham Norton:I sure it is now. What does Luke have to say? Sounds like you've been pushing her away and making her feel judged for the last 13 years. These situations, parents don't listen the same way we didn't listen when we were teenagers. She has to find out for herself. She could be paralysed by the fact that she's been given all this weird encouragement. That could be paralysing. A dog, maybe, but let go. Let go. I feel like Luke might work in therapy or something. I like Luke. Yeah, no, very sensible. apart from the dog thing because that dog will just sit in the house. That won't, you know, if she doesn't...

31:33Graham Norton:Yeah. Yeah, I don't think that would motivate her.

31:35Maria McErlane:Although there's a lot of people on the coast where I live that have mobility scooters and they take their dog for a walk on their mobility scooter. So they're out in air, they're seeing people, they're chatting. You can do those things. And hopefully, because she's only 70, maybe if she loses a bit of weight, she won't need the mobility scooter. But maybe that's, you know, don't get it if you don't need it yet.

31:52Graham Norton:Yes. Okay. Anymore for anymore?

31:55Maria McErlane:Yeah. Rebecca says, she's 70. She knows she's overweight. She doesn't need it explained to her. What you're missing is the lifetime that came before this moment. Decades of being watched, judged and commenting on. Her body treated as public property in a way men simply don't experience. Smile more, eat less, move more, be better. If after all that she's decided she's done performing health and virtue for other people, that isn't denial, it's sovereignty. So while she's enjoying popping chocolates into her mouth in peace, you can do her the courtesy of putting a sock in yours. She's earned the right to live in her body on her terms.

32:29Maria McErlane:Stop trying to manage her. Stop pretending this is about concern and let the woman get on with her life. Well, true, Rebecca, but her life will be significantly shorter.

32:38Graham Norton:And also, it will impact other people. You know, you're talking about, oh, it's her sovereignty. But actually, no, because her decisions are directly influencing and affecting her children and her son-in-law and all of that. because they're going to have to deal with this. So in principle, I understand what Rebecca's saying, but in practical terms, no. I think, you know, you have to hope that this woman can turn things around.

33:07Maria McErlane:There is a bit of a selfishness, I think you're right, but she has also given up. So try to stop that is the deal, I think.

33:14Graham Norton:Robert, the universal advice here is don't nag and try and find some activities together. Hopefully some of that helped. Right, and Am I Weird is in our future. Who have we got?

33:26Maria McErlane:Yes. Today's Am I Weird comes from Annie in Germany. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that every Thursday my flatmate and I pretend that I'm a dog for half an hour? Yes.

33:42Maria McErlane:That about wraps it up, I think. Yeah, I think that's... It all started after my flatmate mentioned that she'd love to have a pet. I refuse to get an animal in this flat as we're students, but I offered myself to play a pet once a week. Instead, it's called Doggy Donnerstag in German, which means Doggy Thursday in English. In case you're wondering what it looks like, we're not. As soon as I hear her going into the kitchen in the morning of a Thursday, I make dog sounds and she prepares a bowl of water for me. I have drunk from it, but I usually use the water for my flour, so it's basically a reminder for me to water them.

34:21Maria McErlane:So smart. Sometimes she pets me. Last week, I found a dog blanket next to the water bowl, which I found really lovely. My friends, yes, I do have friends, think it's a bit weird, but we're bored students, so we try and fill our week.

34:36Graham Norton:Don't they have daytime telly?

34:40Maria McErlane:Das streimtidie?

34:42Graham Norton:Yeah. Or, I really hope doggy Donnerstag doesn't become a thing. I mean, really?

34:48Maria McErlane:I feel there's something kind of vaguely sexual going on here with being petted by your flatmate. I mean, get a room, basically.

34:57Graham Norton:Soon Annie's going to be humping her leg in a minute, isn't she?

35:01Maria McErlane:Well, that is the ultimate, obviously. That is what happens eventually. If you get too much love from your owner, you have to do a little bit of humping.

35:09Graham Norton:I mean, look, you're not harming anyone. You're not harming anyone. But I feel, Annie, that once this stops, as in when you stop living together, you must never mention it again, ever. To anyone. To anyone. It must be, you know, it never happened.

35:26Maria McErlane:I think this will reach an ultimate conclusion, which might be that there is some sort of sexual activity. And then I'm afraid one of you have to die.

35:38Graham Norton:Dogs don't live that long. I know.

35:41Maria McErlane:Every year is seven years in human terms.

35:44Graham Norton:So your flatmate will bring you to the vet and that'll be the end of it.

35:49Maria McErlane:Are we saying weird or not weird?

35:51Graham Norton:To be honest, Annie, you're not doing anyone any harm, so if it floats your boat, do it. But I would say weird. Yeah, I'd say weird too. I'm walking into the flat and I'm going, sweet Jesus, that's weird. Yeah. There.

36:01Maria McErlane:Because where does it stop? It'll be a collar next and a lead and you'll be going out on the Autobahn in Germany.

36:07Graham Norton:Yeah, lifting your leg. She hasn't got to that stage yet.

36:10Maria McErlane:Yeah, but at the moment, it's not doing anybody any harm. But maybe get on a TV show like Eurotrash or something.

36:17Graham Norton:Oh, that'd be a good idea. Yes.

36:19Maria McErlane:Modern day equivalent.

36:20Graham Norton:Yeah. Doggy Donnerstag. Oh, do you know what? A YouTube channel.

36:25Maria McErlane:Yeah. Look, there's a room for everyone, isn't there? Yeah. On the YouTube. And so petting dogs.

36:31Graham Norton:I think viewers will be disappointed that all that happens is she drinks a bit from a bowl. They'll have to up their game. And then puts it in the flowers.

36:40Maria McErlane:No, they'll have to up their game for YouTube. And I think they'd be happy to up their game.

36:44Graham Norton:I think Annie is waiting to hear a can opener.

36:49Maria McErlane:For those worms to start wiggling out.

36:51Graham Norton:Yeah. And just kind of like, mmm, lovely chum.

36:56Maria McErlane:Oh, that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, no.

36:59Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, no.

36:59Maria McErlane:I was thinking of the can of worms of where this could go.

37:01Graham Norton:Yeah, chummen.

37:02Maria McErlane:Chummen.

37:03Graham Norton:Whatever. What's German for chum?

37:05Maria McErlane:I don't know.

37:06Graham Norton:Freund. Freund? Freund. Is it? Isn't Freund friend? It probably is. Well, Annie, well done for writing in with you. Am I weird? Good girl. Good girl. Get off the sofa. Do you think I'm with Architelli? She has to sit on the floor.

37:22Maria McErlane:You want a little treat?

37:23Graham Norton:A little treat? Anyway, that is the end of this edition of Wanging On with Graham and Maria.

37:28Maria McErlane:For advice from proper experts about any of life's dilemmas, head to our Instagram and click on to the link for support services. You can find that on at Wanging On.

37:38Graham Norton:Wanging on with Graham Maria is a listen production. And guess what? Next week, we're doing it all again. So we'll see you then. Goodbye.

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