In short
Two listener dilemmas about social boundaries and honesty. First: whether to continue a friendship with a neighbor who repeatedly arrived late, brought nothing, and left wet towels on the guest-room floor after a weekend visit; the couple feels the friendship should drift/“ghost” rather than confront. Second: whether to tell a partner about rumored (not proven) information that the partner’s father had an affair when the partner was a teenager; the advice is strongly not to reveal it.
Guests
None. Hosts are Graham Norton and Maria McCurlin (Rafi appears in-studio but no guest identity is given).
Key claims
Don’t “throw a hand grenade” by sharing old gossip; only tell if directly asked and even then frame as rumor. Let friendships drift when expectations aren’t met; avoid accusatory explanations.
Notable examples
Wet towels causing damp/dry rot; “ghosting” vs letting it wither on the vine; the “affair” rumor discussed as common teenage gossip.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOGraham's Dental Hygiene Rants
2:16 to 4:38
Graham shares humorous anecdotes about dental visits and the pressures from dental hygienists.
“I don't want to diss them, but no, this is...”
Discussion on Aging and Dental Care
4:38 to 6:43
Graham and Maria discuss the perception of dental care and aging, including societal views on appearances.
“not go to Turkey and get those kind of bright white things.”
Advice on Friendship and Communication
8:45 to 14:02
Graham and Maria address a listener's dilemma about a friend’s lack of hospitality and discuss how to handle drifting friendships.
“Dear Graham and Maria, about 12 years ago, my husband and I became very friendly with a neighbour in the village we used to live in.”
Guest Etiquette and Social Graces
14:02 to 21:00
Learn about the expectations and behaviors of guests during visits.
“If you like this lady, she's allowed to do everything she's done.”
Navigating a Partner's Family Secrets
23:45 to 28:00
Discuss the dilemma of revealing a partner's family affair and its implications.
“I have and I was ahead of you on that one.”
Navigating the Dilemma of Honesty in Relationships
28:00 to 31:09
Explore the complexities of revealing a partner's potential affair and the emotional implications involved.
“Plus, it may have been common knowledge in your circles.”
Invitation for Listener Dilemmas
31:09 to 31:21
Listeners are encouraged to send their dilemmas for discussion on the show.
“So take that for what it's worth and good luck with whatever you decide to do.”
Am I Weird? A Cozy Bath Ritual
31:21 to 33:18
A quirky listener shares their unusual bath routine on a cold day, sparking a discussion on comfort and efficiency.
“That's also the address for your Am I Weirds.”
Childhood Memories and Heating Woes
33:18 to 36:02
Recollections of cold childhood experiences and reflections on energy efficiency in modern life.
“I still quite like sleeping in the cold.”
Transcript
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1:30Maria McErlane:We've got new friends now. Yes. You smell. You're on walking tours of Hastings. And now the showering lady. The fact that you feel this dishonest by not telling your husband just shows what an honest person you are. However, I...
1:51Hello, hello, and welcome to this edition of Wanging On, half an hour of questionable advice with me, Graham Norton, and my very good friend, Maria McCurlin. Hi. Rafi is in the studio somewhere. You look like you're going to deliver some very important news.
2:08Maria McErlane:I am. To you, you're fired. Oh, no. Not again. This is from a charity shop. It's vintage Jaeger. This will mean nothing to you. No, I don't remember Jaeger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't exist anymore, does it? Well, I think they do a line for M &S. Oh, do they? I don't want to diss them, but no, this is... There's nothing dissy about that. I know, but it's not its own brand, is it? Yeah, of course. And it was from Chattopan. It is a bit like I should be dancing to Kajakugu in the 90s. Oh, if only we were. I'm being plagued. Oh, no. By emails from my dentist. Are you kidding me? Lots of, you know, you're due an appointment with your dental hygienist.
2:47Maria McErlane:Yes, it's the dental hygienist. I mean, somebody gave them my email address. I have worked out this is how it is. People only go to the dentist when they've got an ouchie, right? Yeah. And, you know, ouches can go for weeks and weeks and months and months without coming back. So they've got to make money. And it's the dental hygienist that's going to do that for them. That lures you in. Because when I was there in reception taking notes like a sort of secret spy, she was on the phone just doing cold calling. Hello, you're due a dental hygienist appointment. Oh, no. OK, bye-bye. Hello. Oh, you're dead.
3:21Oh, I see. You lost all your teeth in an accident several years ago. OK.
3:25Maria McErlane:And so, of course, then when I did go, she said, I'm going to show you your mouth massively blown up, you know, on a screen. And these are the bits in between that the dental hygienist will take. And they were tiny, tiny little pinpricky type things. Yeah. And I said, when I was little, we didn't have dental hygienists, did we? Not that I remember. Mind you, I think I remember going to the dentist when they put a big thing over your mouth, sort of gas. Oh, there might still be a claim there. You might be okay. Yeah. I mean, a friend of mine went to the dentist and they're worried about like a bridge or something.
4:03Yeah, yeah. And the dentist went, it'll see you out. Like, that's not, that's the opposite of bedside manner, isn't it?
4:11Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. But I mean, I think that's quite good because it's honest and most people want to upsell, obviously. Yes, we'll put you a new bridge in. That will be£6 ,000. Thank you very much. But I like it'll see you out. How old is that person, by the way? I didn't feel like, as someone in their 60s, I didn't feel they were that old. I felt, you know, they might wear a bridge out. But no, apparently not. Because I was thinking the other day, oh, I might have to get some veneers, not go to Turkey and get those kind of bright white things. Oh, please do that. I know. That would be hilarious.
4:44If next time we're on here, you go, hi. Part of me wants to do that. I'm welding glasses on.
4:50Maria McErlane:But then someone described a person to me the other day by saying their teeth are much younger than they are. Oh. So, you know, you do see quite a lot of older people with sort of too many teeth in their mouth. Yes. And not being able to kind of quite master them. So there's a bit of a list or something going on. Isn't it funny, when you watch American shows and, you know, they're playing like drug dealers and thugs and stuff, they all have lovely teeth. I know. And it just takes me out of it. It just takes me out of it. I kind of, oh, lovely teeth. I must try some fentanyl. Well, they're drug dealers because they need to pay for the very expensive dental fees.
5:28Beautiful smiles.
5:29Maria McErlane:Must buy some fentanyl. What it does, I mean, dental hygienist, if I just saved up, if I didn't do that. But do you have the dental hygienist all the time? Well, I'm supposed to. I haven't been in ages. A, it's really ouchy. B, it takes too long. And C, it's very expensive. Mine is 240 quid each time. You know what else it is? What? Judgy. Judgy. Very judgy. You're not getting into your back thing. Where is your dentist from? Judgy land. North London. Because my dentist said, you see, the thing is, those little tiny bits in your teeth, they go up into your brain and they cause Alzheimer's. And I go, no, they don't.
6:09Maria McErlane:And then I looked it up and they do. Wow. Yeah. And isn't there a thing where the... Plaque. It's very bad plaque. And also, isn't the stuff in your teeth, doesn't it go down into you and cause heart disease as well? We've all got to die of something. graham that's what i kind of say yeah and they'll see me out they certainly will flapping in the breeze now we've depressed ourselves with that hey do you know what would cheer us up what somebody else's problem yes it would we're going to dive into those imminently new maybelline serum lipstick maybe it's not just lipstick it's lush color with endless possibilities It's serum infused with a hyaluronic acid and oil blend for eight hour plumping moisture in tone enhancing shades.
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8:18Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.
8:44Maria, could you open our first letter?
8:47Maria McErlane:I will open it. Thank you very much. Oh, they're so long, Graham. Oh, no. Put your feet up, love. I'm with your old eyes. They're younger than I am. Dear Graham and Maria, about 12 years ago, my husband and I became very friendly with a neighbour in the village we used to live in. We moved away but kept in touch and still saw this friend every so often. Earlier this year, she came to spend the weekend with us at our new home. She arrived a few hours late again. I mean, we didn't know that she was late before. Came empty-handed and didn't say very much about the home we'd spent a year renovating.
9:24Maria McErlane:Enjoyed our generous hospitality all weekend. And then departed on the Sunday having left wet towels on the guest bedroom floor. As a thank you for all of this, we received a WhatsApp message simply saying, thanks for a lovely time. Following this, we pulled back and cooled our communication as we felt disappointed in her behaviour. Four months have now passed since we've corresponded, but she messaged out of the blue, all friendly and suggesting we catch up. Our hearts aren't in the friendship anymore, but we're torn between explaining our feelings to her or letting the friendship simply drift.
9:57Maria McErlane:What should we do? And that is from Daniel and Ed in Surrey. Quite judgy. Who's judgy? Daniel and Ed in Surrey. Oh, judging the friend. Yeah. I mean, look, you were in a village together. You were friendly there. You've moved. I think that's a perfect way to move on. Not all friendships have to last forever. But they stayed in touch. Well, they stayed in touch just so that she could come and have a nose around their house. Why don't you just say to them, yes, why don't we come to you this time? You don't want to do that. Well, we missed the village. Well, you don't want to do that, but you do want to make a point.
10:33Maria McErlane:Because you'll say yes, and then you'll go, God, no, I don't think they will. I don't think she will. She wants a nice free weekend and blah, blah, blah. But also, look, here's the thing. I think Daniel and Ed, yes, she didn't behave brilliantly, but nothing she did was unforgivable. She was a few hours late, but she was coming for the whole weekend. So what's the urgency? At least it was a few hours you didn't have to spend with her. So she arrives late. Upside of that is you're ready. The room's ready. The cans are lit. The dinner's ready. We're all good. She didn't say enough about your new house.
11:03You don't age with renovating. no one will ever say enough about the new house you've renovated because they didn't see it before and they don't really care. They just go, nod and go, oh, it's lovely.
11:14Maria McErlane:I know, but we all know how to be good guests, which is I love what you've done in here. But that wasn't enough for them. You know she said that. You know, she will have gone, oh, it's lovely. End of. She hasn't gone into, oh, that's interesting. And what was it like before? Yes. You mean you put a joystick in there? Oh, my goodness. Supporting wall, you say. That corner sink isn't original to go on. No, but we know how to be guests. And, you know, this couple want that. And she's known them a long time, so she knows what they want from her. And they want a bit more than she gave, frankly. And I agree with you.
11:49I think just a WhatsApp, you know, I agree. I think a nice note is enough. But that is, you know, the times they are changing. And you will starve to death if you sit there waiting for someone to send you a note. So you've got a WhatsApp. She, I think, in the modern world, has been polite enough. I don't know.
12:07Maria McErlane:She's done the bare minimum. But, you know, this is a perfect time to, I think the terminology is to ghost somebody, but it's not really, it's kind of just letting people drift away. And sometimes you have to do that with friends. You've got the perfect excuse. You don't live anywhere near her anymore. It's a schlep for either of you to visit each other. And actually, the truth is, you don't have that much in common other than you lived in the same village. Yes. And what was it like, Daniel and Ed, in between the arriving late and the WhatsApp message. Did you have a nice time? It sounds like you didn't really.
12:37Maria McErlane:It sounds to me like they're determined to let her go. Yeah. So I'm going to say do it. I think really they've written to us to tell us they have a guest bathroom. Because they have already made the decision that this woman's dead to them. Yeah, they have. You're absolutely right. But they just want sort of some form of justification or some form of going, yes, that's okay. You can do that. And it is okay. I'm not going to say they can. I'm going to say you have to see this woman every weekend for the rest of your lives until you die. No, I feel Daniel and Ed, you know what you're going to do.
13:08You know, because if one of them was feeling a bit, oh, we really, we can't just dump her, then you would see her again. But, you know, you've already, after this weekend, kind of shut it down. You're only even discussing see her again because she's got in touch all wide-eyed bush-tailed, kind of, oh, when are we going to do that again?
13:28Maria McErlane:after four months which I think is about right you don't want her to be on the phone every two minutes do you? but also you don't really know what's going on with this woman's life I'm just trying to see it from her point of view she may have a lot of stuff going on that she's too weak to lift towels she's too weak to lift towels especially when they're wet oh yeah and also you know the stuff maybe she was just kind of being getting by because she had arranged this weekend maybe some awful things had happened I'm trying to just put the other side of the story even though I'm kind of with them.
13:59Are you? I just think you've got to take it in your stride. If you like this lady, she's allowed to do everything she's done. The point is you don't like her that much. Well, you've gone off her. Yes, you've gone off her because she didn't adhere to, apparently, this quite high bar that you set her.
14:14Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think people should have guest rules that they put in the guest room, which says, don't forget to compliment the dining room. We have knocked down four walls for this and put in bifold windows. Please do not leave wet towels on the floor. Please do not arrive late. Yes. Please send a nice card and possibly some chocolates or a bottle. And please notice that Daniel's done a lovely arrangement with some wild flowers. Yes, from the garden. That he foraged. From the garden. He foraged on the lane. Yeah. Otherwise, we won't be friends with you. Yours, whoever we are. Daniel and Ed. Daniel and Ed.
14:47Maria McErlane:Exactly. You can't be prescriptive about things like that. But I think as guests, we also know, and we're grown up, how to behave. Yes. And she fell short. Yeah. We don't know why. The hour is late isn't great. And also, you know, as you say, you know Daniel and Ed. You know that they're going to want you to blow smoke up them about this new house. Yeah, yeah. So just do it a bit. Yeah. You know. Have you had guests that don't leave when they should? Yes. Was that me? No, it wasn't you. No, but I do remember coming to your house when you had a house by the seaside. And I think I came for Christmas.
15:19Maria McErlane:And then we did a walk and then we went somewhere. And then I said, just passing to the general group, oh it's a shame that it has to end it's been such a lovely few days and you went well you can come back but then we'll end up hating each other yeah wasn't that fair and I went home thinking hmm I didn't even think we were anywhere near that stage well give it a few hours it's good that it's taken me 20 years to tell you that but also that was my coded message for there's no food in the house oh yeah so we will hate each other because we'll be hungry yeah and annoyed yeah and wasn't that the year that we tried to watch films and everyone annoyed each other I can't remember it just sounds like it was a bit annoying we had a nice walk lovely walk away from my house now if we could arrange transport from here I also remember people coming to your house and then not leaving yes and they really did just wait until everything had been drunk they must remain nameless but there was not a thing left to drink and everyone was so drunk and then I think they stayed the night yes and then I had to feed them you know kind of chopped up cereal boxes and things because there was nothing to eat.
16:24You know, they ate it. Yes, people can overdo it.
16:29Maria McErlane:But I think they did send you something nice, didn't they? Did they? I think they sent you a puppy. Oh, that's right. Got lost in the post. And that Shetland pony. I dream of it still. Anyway, we digress. We talk about our own lives. We do. I think we should get the wangers on the case. I think you're right. Okay, what are they saying? The wangers say, Kath, from Ammanford. Ammanford. I don't know where that is. There's a lovely village in it. Somebody's done great work. I'm going to suggest a cunning plan. Reply, how lovely, what dates are you expecting of? Oh, that's what you said. It is. And see what she says.
17:03Maria McErlane:Don't let her take advantage of your hospitality and funds again. This is your chance to redress the balance. But then you waste your entire weekend making a point. Yes, I think then you've got to go. Yeah. Or you would just say, oh, none of those dates suit us. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. And none of the ones that you're going to suggest otherwise will suit us either. Yes, and we have a funny feeling. We were very busy on those other days. I mean, the thing is, Kath from Amundford, they have made up their minds about this woman. They don't want to be in her life. Lorraine and Giles in Northampton. Lovely to hear from you, Lorraine and Giles, so long as what you're about to say, I'm agree with.
17:36Maria McErlane:Yes. Well, they say it sounds as though your time together is coming to a natural conclusion. So true. And while you may exchange Christmas cards and messages, you and this person are no longer on the same wavelength too. Just let the relationship die a natural death. And it wither on the vine. No, I think so. Thanks, Lorraine and Giles in Northampton. I think Graham is pleased with that. Oh, absolutely. I am doing spins of joy in their turning circle. Andrea says, if you do keep this friendship on life support, it will be all on her terms. Pull the plug. Do you think Andrea's a nurse? Yeah, I think so.
Read the full transcript
18:10Maria McErlane:Pull the plug. Flat line. Rosanna, I wonder if they could see this friend for a lunch or something without her needing to stay over. Now, this is a good compromise. Yes. I would encourage them to remember what made them friends with her in the first place. All good. If they do want to end the friendship, it would be kinder to explain why. No. Just letting the friendship drift or ghosting her is mean. She wasn't a great guest, but she isn't a bad person. You know, but friendships ebb and flow. And also, how the hell do you explain why you're not friends with her anymore? You can't. That is like so accusatory.
18:42Maria McErlane:And also you sound so petty. Yeah, you didn't say nice things and you let wet towels on. Don't say that. It will have a natural, you don't live near each other anymore. Yeah. It just hasn't. And the good thing is, she's not exactly beating your door down. It's been four months. Yeah. So I think it'll be quite easy for this to drift away. It sounds like she's not that interested either. Yeah. What do they say? Oh, we're going through some stuff at the moment. We'll be in touch with Mir. Yeah. We're renovating our house that you didn't like. We're re-renovating it. We're having to redo the bathroom floor because it got very damp after the wet towels and got dry rot and wet rot.
19:22Maria McErlane:I don't know who left them there. Maura says, if her behaviour was out of character and you think the friendship is worth saving, it might be worth having a discussion with her and explaining your feelings. She may have had something going on that caused the poor behaviour at her last visit. I think we're all being very kind. The thing is, this friendship, it was born out of the fact that they lived beside her in a village. Slim pickings for friends, she'll do. Well, now you're in a new village in a new house with new neighbours and it seems mad to import old neighbours. You know, because we all are sociable with our neighbours.
19:58And it's very nice to be sociable with your neighbours and have a drink at Christmas, say hello over the garden fence, all of that sort of stuff. But if you move, it's bad enough having to take your belongings without taking the neighbours with you. So I would just, no. Let it die. And just let, well, not die makes it sound so final, but I feel like just let it drift, let it stay where it was, is what you do.
20:19Maria McErlane:And maybe say to her, we've got new friends now. Yes. You smell. You know the way our house is a bit better now? So are our friends. We've got a better class of person. They earn more money. They bring gifts. Actually bringing, not taking a gift is not good to somebody's new house. Yes, I feel like you could have brought something. Yeah. You know, a bottle or something. She actually brought her own wet towels to leave. In hopes to get them back dry. Daniel and Ed, thank you so much for sharing your dilemma. I think that's for one second. We can all sympathize, can't we? We can all sympathize. Kind of, yeah.
20:55Maria McErlane:Yeah. But I don't want to stay with them either, do you? No. No. No, no, no. No, no, no. No. We'll get into another problem very shortly. This episode is sponsored by TV Licensing, which honestly couldn't be more fitting because lately I have been watching the new Night Manager and I'm hooked. Seriously, we've been waiting 10 years. Is it 10? 10 years for a new Night Manager and finally it's arrived. Get out of here. I love the first series. Well, we have indeed hit that time of year when it's dark, it's cold and we're all feeling a bit lazy. But the good news, it's also the time of year when there's a lot of brilliant TV to dive into.
21:34Maria McErlane:I mean, I am loving The Traitors. Oh, yeah. which I hadn't watched, Graham, until I watched The Celebrity Traitors. And then it sort of hooked me in to watch Real People Traitors. And, of course, there's real jeopardy this time because with The Celebrity Traitors, it went to a charity. They are getting the big wad of cash themselves. Are you on it? You suddenly turned into Muttley. I'm driving the van. They thought they'd won this money. And, look, we've just talked about two shows, A TV license covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk.
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22:58Maria McErlane:Don't use if you're allergic to EbGliss. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS. Before starting EBCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about EBCLIS and visit ebglis.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time.
23:34Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.com. Pod. Hey, Maria, you've got another envelope I see.
23:47Maria McErlane:I have and I was ahead of you on that one. Dear Graham and Maria, I've been with my wonderful partner for 17 years and we have two children together. Before we got together, it was common knowledge in the circles I moved in that my partner's father had had an affair when my partner was a teenager. I have carried this knowledge with me all this time and sometimes it weighs on me. My partner has alluded to a period of time in his youth when he suspected that this was happening, but he ended that thought by saying, I really hope I'm wrong and I said nothing. This is something that is well in the past and isn't my business.
24:27Maria McErlane:He has a great relationship with his parents and they're amazing grandparents to our kids. I would never want to rock the boat. But every now and again, I feel like somehow I'm being dishonest, that I know about this huge part of his life and he doesn't. Are there any circumstances in which it would make sense to tell him? And that's from Anonymous. I'll tell you one word, no. Like, who is going to benefit from you telling this secret? Otherwise, other than you going, oh, this is so heavy. I'm taking my rucksack of woes. And also, you know, you don't even know Anonymous because, yes, it might have been common knowledge when you were a teenager.
25:06But what you're saying is common knowledge is gossip. There was gossip going around. And, you know, and yes, your partner brought up that he maybe had heard the rumor or he thought something was going on. End of. End of. What are you going to tell him? Oh, I heard that rumor too. You know, that's all you can because you don't know anything. thing. If his wife has gotten over it, if your mother-in-law has gotten over it, that's the only person who really needs to worry about this. And she's fine. They're great grandparents to your kids.
25:39Maria McErlane:Everything is rosy in the garden. Why don't you really throw a hand grenade into your life by waiting until Christmas? And then over Christmas lunch, you say to him, the grandfather, oh, I heard that you had an affair. Is that right? Yes. When I was a teenager, everyone was saying. Yeah, I just thought now would be a good time to bring it up and discuss it. I just, I mean... Why do people think that, you know, they should keep, put their nose into something that happened a long, long time ago? Well, no, I guess what you don't like is your partner being in the dark about something that you think you know.
26:15That really affects them. And I get why when he brings it up, you're sitting there thinking, oh God, should I say something? But, oh God, no, don't say anything. Because also, how long have you been together? 17 years. So you didn't think to mention this before, but then why would you have mentioned it before? Because it's just a stupid thing to say.
26:35Maria McErlane:It's also one of those things that people go, oh, there's not enough drama in my life. How can I insert some drama? You know, don't do it. Don't throw this hand grenade. Go and take Spanish classes or something instead. Because if you do tell your partner, what do you think he's going to do with this information? confront his father, upset his mother. You know, what's the point? Divorce you? Yeah. For getting involved? Yeah, because like I say, you don't even know this. It's just a rumour, gossip that went around when you were a kid. And now here you are in your 30s thinking, hmm, should I? How can I rock this boat?
27:13Maria McErlane:Because everything's far too easy at the moment. You know, everyone's lovely. You love your partner. They're great grandparents to your children. Just let it lie. And also, they know this. You know, this is something that is well in the past and isn't my business. Did you not think, as you put that full stop in your letter, did you not think, oh, right, yeah, yeah. It's long ago and none of my business. I'll stop writing the letter now. I think I've answered my own dilemma. Because you're done. You're absolutely done. Tricky one, though, isn't it? I'll tell you what. We don't have much to say to them.
27:47We're both adamant you say no. What do the wangers have to say?
27:50Maria McErlane:Wongers, I like that. Wongers. Neve says this. Your partner has made it clear that he hopes his suspicions are wrong. At the moment, we don't know if his mom knows or maybe she made a decision to move past it. Plus, it may have been common knowledge in your circles. Is there concrete proof or is it just rumor? All in all, I wouldn't tell your partner. This would only hurt him and destroy his relationship with his father. Thank you, Neve, very much. Jackie says this is not your choice to make. Should your partner's father feel as if he needs to tell his son, then so be it. But don't be that person that potentially lights the fuse on this explosive issue.
28:26Maria McErlane:Put it in the balloon in your mind and let it float away. I feel like Jackie's listened to us before. We often put things in balloons and let it go. We step up to the plate and then we put it into a balloon. And let it go. We do. Barbara, wonder what she sounds like? The only circumstances in which you should tell your partner is if he asks you outright, if you know. And even then, you can only tell him that you think you know, that's what you've heard or that's what you suspected. However, if it's having an effect on you and weighing you down, talk to somebody in confidence about it, someone you can trust.
29:03Maria McErlane:I like how Barbara is so animated. Calm down, Barbara. Yeah, we get it, Barbara. No, I think Barbara, Barbara's right. The only reason you could ever say anything is if the partner asks you directly, did you ever hear anything about my dad having an affair? And you kind of go, oh yeah, there was that rumour, but, you know, I never thought anything about it. Boom, end all. If, who are we talking to? What's the name of the lady? Anonymous, we don't know her name. No, we don't know her name. I didn't even forget it. No, you never knew it in the first place. I never knew it. Phew. But you forgot that she was anonymous.
29:39Yes, I'm relieved that I didn't forget her name though. So, you know, if she has access to a therapist, something like that, then this is something to talk about. But, you know, yeah.
29:49Maria McErlane:It really is like trying to scratch a scab that is healed, isn't it? It's like trying to make something bleed again. But it's a scab on somebody else. Yeah, not even your own scab. You scab. Ooh, actually taking somebody else's scab off is lovely because it doesn't hurt. Ooh, like Dr. Pimple Popper. Dave in Brighton says, You know in your heart that no good could ever come of you sharing this information. Sometimes we owe it to others to keep certain things to ourselves. Honesty is not always the best policy. You'll just have to keep carrying this one thing for him and be proud of yourself for doing so, not ashamed.
30:23Maria McErlane:Catherine said... That is the absolute... goes to the heart of this. Well done, Dave in Brighton. Yes, be proud of the fact that you are keeping this a secret, not ashamed. Yeah, because you are the bigger person, Anonymous. Catherine says, the fact that you feel this dishonest by not telling your husband just shows what an honest person you are. Yawn. However,
30:47Maria McErlane:I really don't think you should say anything. It's very unlikely that your husband will ever find out. So try not to worry. I mean, I know. Listen, Anonymous, I tell you what, for what it's worth, we did have an enormous response to this problem. But the team tell us that not a single person, Not one suggested you should tell your partner. So take that for what it's worth and good luck with whatever you decide to do. And just a reminder, if you have a dilemma, you can send it to us. Our email address is wangingon at listen.co.uk. We'd love to hear from you. That's also the address for your Am I Weirds.
31:25This is like our little sorbet after the dilemmas. I like what you did with that.
31:29Maria McErlane:Sorbet. Sorbet. Sorbet. It's like a sorbet. Palette cleanser. Palette cleanser. Who do we have today? Okay, today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of James, and he says, am I weird? On a freezing cold day, I like to sit in an empty bath with the window open and slowly fill the tub up with hot water so the level slowly rises and I slowly warm up. There's a lot of slowlies there. I've always done this. Thoughts? I love it. I quite like the notion of being really cold and then getting really warm. There's something cozy and kind of den-like about that. I like that he's cold and makes himself colder by opening the window.
32:06Maria McErlane:Opening the window. But there's something about it like nakedness in the open window that is bothering me slightly. And also, I think anyone who's interested in fuel efficiency, this is not a good use. We've only got one planet, James. Yeah. There is no planet B wasting all of that. Why don't you spray some hairspray out the window while you're out here? But it is a lovely idea. Yeah. And also, it's great that James has so much time on his hands. I know. Slowly filling it up. Slowly getting cold. Slowly getting warm. And then slowly closing the window. Yeah. And going, why did I do that? Do you think he then sits in the bath until it goes cold?
32:48I hope so. It's the circle of life.
32:50Maria McErlane:I mean, there's something nice also about topping up the water when it goes cold, isn't there? I never take a bath. I don't either, really. It's a long time. In hotels, I think I take baths. Really? We're very American these days. We have showers. Yes, we do. It's quick. Very efficient, you know, for the planet. Yeah. But I do have the window open so people can see me.
33:14Maria McErlane:I don't bother with frosted glass. I have a full-length window with normal glass and I stay in there. You're on walking tours of Hastings. And now the showering lady. I still quite like sleeping in the cold. Yes, I love sleeping in the cold. Windows open. But then you've got a duvet of a million togs. Yes. That is very nice. And then you've got Raffy, of course, pissing on you. Just to warm you up in the middle of the night. Just when you're very chilly, you go... Like a leaky hot water bottle. And then after that, vomit. Do you remember being very cold as a child? I mean, yes. In the orphanage.
34:01Yes, in the orphanage. There was no heating in the orphanage. No. Or food.
34:04Maria McErlane:Gruel. Yeah. We had to stay warm by scrubbing the floors. No, I do. Look, it is weird when I think back that I could, you know, I can remember. Do you remember like ice on the inside of the windows? Oh, yes. Yeah. Because we didn't have heating in the bedrooms when I was younger. Now if that happened, you'd kind of think, oh, my God, this is the end of the world. But it was fine. You just didn't think of anything about it. Yeah. You just put extra blankets on or jumpers or gloves or stuff. Mum, I'm cold. Just put more clothes on until you couldn't walk for clothes. I remember I lived on a houseboat briefly.
34:38Did you? You're such a hippie. Oh, I tell you. I lived on a houseboat briefly and it was so cold. Which country are we talking? In London.
34:47Maria McErlane:Oh, okay. And because, you know, there was a little heater in it. But of course, you're not just heating the houseboat. You're heating thousands of tons of freezing Thames. as well. So you'd have this little heater on and it'd be so cold that the only way to get any sort of sense of heat was to go outside, get even colder and then come back in and then you felt like there was a slight difference in the temperature. That sounds very Catholic to me. It was awful. Like make yourself, as a Catholic, former Catholic, make yourself suffer even more so that you appreciate, you know, that's like to take your coat off or you won't feel the benefit.
35:24Yes.
35:25Maria McErlane:So what am I saying, James Weird? I'm saying kind of not very energy efficient. No, it's not that. But it's a lovely, look. I can see the coziness, but I would, you know, maybe the slowness is not so good. But I feel James isn't the root of our global warming problem. I think, you know, there's some big corporate entities that need to take action before James switches to a shower. Yeah, the petrochemical companies are not worried. Yeah, so I think, yeah, you're fine, James. Just fill your bar slowly. Have a lovely time. Send us a video, James. Why don't you? No, don't. No, don't. Don't encourage those.
36:01Maria McErlane:Don't encourage those. Just me personally. Someone will have to watch them. But it won't be me. There we conclude Wanging On for another week. Thank you to everyone who got in touch. If you've enjoyed Wanging On, please subscribe to us in your podcast app of choice. That way you'll never miss our weekly fix of our non-expert advice. But if it's real advice from proper experts, that you're after, head to our Instagram at wangingon. That's all one word. Well, there's a link to support services. Wanging On with Graham-Marie is a Listen production. We will see you next week. Goodbye.
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From the publisher
Graham and Maria 'wang on' about judgemental dentists and historic love affairs. Plus: when should you just let a friendship die? Treat yourself and tap 'Follow' on Spotify, or 'Subscribe' wherever you get your podcasts - then you'll never miss an episode of the pod!Also... do you have a burning dilemma? Do you need some average advice? There's an email address for that! Write to WangingOn@listen.co.uk!Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label. -----Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/Let's get social... 📲- Follow us on Instagram: @wangingon- Follow us on TikTok: @wangingonChapters:00:00 Coming Up...00:21 Don't Get Turkey Teeth!05:15 Shall We Let the Friendship Drift?17:33 LOVING The Night Manager - and Traitors!18:49 Should I Reveal the Affair?26:19 Weird in the Bath...
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