In short
The episode of Wanging On with Graham and Maria mixes comedy and advice. Topic 1: a listener (Chris in Truro) stopped drinking in January and fears peer pressure at a sober stag do with ~20 heavy drinkers; hosts advise AA meetings, using non-alcoholic drinks, keeping a drink in hand, speaking to bar staff, and possibly skipping if sobriety feels insecure. Topic 2: Minnie in Bridge End is pregnant and her husband is allergic to her cat; she wants the cat near the baby, while hosts debate compromises like rehoming the cat vs husband “sucking it up,” noting allergy and safety concerns. Topic 3: “Am I Weird?”—Sandra in London pretends to be her own assistant to decline invitations.
Guests
no real guests; recurring hosts Graham and Maria, plus listener correspondents (Chris, Angela, Tyler, Guy, Sean, Minnie, Sandra, Peter, Brad, Mel). Key claims/examples: “fake PA” as evasion; stag do pressure leading to relapse; rehoming rabbits when having a son; “everything’s as dirty as everything else” hippie anecdote.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOIntro to the Show
1:53 to 2:26
Graham and Maria introduce the podcast and themselves.
“Brokerage offered through SoFi Securities LLC.”
Graham's Australia Trip
2:26 to 3:22
Graham shares experiences from his extended trip to Australia.
“A safe-ish space where we give you pretty average advice and so-so solutions.”
Unexpected Gift from a Fan
3:22 to 4:33
Graham recounts a strange encounter involving a painting and Johnny Depp.
“Well, at airports there were people with little signs.”
Listener's Dilemma: Sober Stag Do
4:33 to 6:18
Chris seeks advice on attending a stag do while staying sober.
“I know, because there's no good way to say I don't want this.”
Listener's Dilemma: Sober Stag Do
7:15 to 7:46
Chris seeks advice on attending a stag do while staying sober.
“I even have seven days to love it or return it.”
Advice for Chris Continues
7:46 to 14:01
Graham and Maria continue discussing Chris's concerns about sobriety at the stag do.
“See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.”
The Wild World of Stag Dos
14:01 to 15:37
Explore the chaotic and often absurd experiences of stag parties.
“And a stag do is a big thing because it's not just one night and you can't just get an Uber and get out of there.”
Listener Advice on Sober Socializing
15:38 to 18:18
Advice for maintaining sobriety while navigating social events.
“Because did she stop drinking when she was 10?”
Listener Advice on Sober Socializing
18:19 to 18:47
Advice for maintaining sobriety while navigating social events.
“This one goes out to all my ladies, all my multitasking mamas who need energy to show up at work and at home, all my empty nest explorers who need a little gut health support for the journey ahead.”
Debating Cat and Baby Compatibility
19:54 to 24:46
A discussion on the challenges of having a cat with a newborn in the house.
“Yes, and your pregnancy test is positive.”
Show all 14 chapters
Listeners Weigh In on Cat Issues
24:47 to 28:01
Listeners provide their opinions and advice on the cat and baby dilemma.
“But except your hormones are going to be all over the shop, and you're going to blame your husband for so much because you don't have a cat anymore.”
Pets, Babies, and Relationships
28:01 to 31:38
Exploring the complexities of pets and newborns in a household.
“Either that or just get rid of the husband, really.”
Transition to Am I Weird?
31:39 to 31:51
Introduction to the segment where they judge listener quirks.
“It's just like, why did we not have this combo before we tried to have a baby?”
Am I Weird? Email Assistant
31:52 to 34:54
Discussion about a listener pretending to be their own assistant.
“The bit of the podcast where myself and Maria pass judgment on your oddities, your quirks.”
Transcript
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2:00Maria McErlane:We spent the whole night, four of us in A &E. Whole blood transfusion. My leg's still there. It was brilliant. If somebody came around to your house and chewed all the corners off your cushions, you would never speak to them again. You'd invoice them. But when a dog does it, you go, oh, what's he like? I would say I think that is the hardest problem because it's big.
2:22Hello and welcome to this edition of Wanging On with Graham and Maria. A safe-ish space where we give you pretty average advice and so-so solutions. It's me, Graham, and you, Maria. Hello.
2:34Maria McErlane:Me, Maria, and this person, Rafi. That dog's been here for a month now. I know, he's quite hungry now. Really wants to go out. Woo-hoo! Very happy, very happy. Maria. Yes? I can't believe that we've been doing this show all this time. I still haven't bored you with my extended trip to Australia and New Zealand. You were there for nearly two months. Yeah, seven weeks. Seven weeks. And I kept thinking to myself, now I'm sure I had a friend beginning with G, but I can't remember anything more about him. Isn't that weird, that thing? When you go away for a long time and you come back and you think it's all going to be different when I get back.
3:11Maria McErlane:I know. And nothing's strange. I think that after a weekend away. But also I did speak to your lovely agent, Melanie, who said that you were treated like a rock star while you were there. So I need to know all about that. There were bits of rock star-y thing. Well, at airports there were people with little signs. Black odds. Saying marry me, Graham. No, saying get out. Go home. Things like that. No, lovely people. Very, very nice people. And Brisbane was interesting. Like I was playing this huge venue in Brisbane. It was like four and a half thousand seaters. Really? I did two nights there. I didn't know Brisbane had that many people.
3:47Or certainly not that many people who wanted to see me, but they did.
3:50Maria McErlane:They did come. Was it full? They did. Full, both nights. Anyway, I'm sitting in my dressing room and the security guard comes up and he goes, oh, Graham, there's a woman and he had with him this thing. It was up to my shoulder. It was huge, all wrapped in blankets. And he says, oh, she's got something for you. She's painted this picture. She's painted this picture. And, you know, if you don't want it, she understands. And I'm thinking, oh, no. So she's painted a picture of me. Like, how do you say no? Obviously, I don't want it. But equally, how are you going to go, I don't want to take it back?
4:26Because she's gone to all the trouble painting a picture of me, wrapping in the blankets, traveling all the way to Brisbane to give it to me. Anyway, there was a letter attached to the big parcel.
4:36Maria McErlane:I'm sad for you already and for her. I know, because there's no good way to say I don't want this. So I open up the envelope and it's all wrapped in blankets. I open up the envelope and it's pages and pages of handwritten letter in this thing. And I start reading and it's saying, dear Graham, love your show. I wondered if you wouldn't mind taking this picture I've painted of Johnny Depp back to Britain to give to Johnny Depp. Now you say I like her again. I liked her because it made it much easier to go, no, no, I'm not. Like, I can't tell you how big it was. I love that. And also, I just thought, I don't know Johnny J.
5:22Epp. And as far as I do know, he doesn't live in Britain.
5:25Maria McErlane:Now I want to know, did you unwrap it? No, I did not. Oh, you see, because it was probably absolutely chock-off block with drugs. Oh, the whole thing? Yes, yeah. It was a giant block of cocaine. That's right. She was trying to get me put in jail. Yes. Border patrol. Donnie Depp was just a ruse. It was code. Were you at that evening with Jane Fonda? No, I wasn't. We had to present her with a picture. That somebody had done? Who was there. Oh. Now, the reason we are gathered here today is to, you know, try and help you with some of your problems. Is there a way for people to get in touch, Maria?
5:59Maria McErlane:Do you know, Graham, there is. And the email is wanging on at listen.co.uk. And we're also on the Instagram, and that's at wangingon. That's quite easy, isn't it, on the Instagram. So please send us your problems because we're desperate. And we will delve into those problems right now. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app to bank, borrow, and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow-up with the SoFi High Yield Savings Account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus. when you sign up with eligible direct deposit.
6:37Sign up at SoFi.com slash Spotify. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank N.A. Member FDIC. Terms apply.
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7:18Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.
7:42Maria McErlane:Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. Oh.
7:51Maria, it's time. Over to you for some envelope briefing.
7:54Maria McErlane:I am ready to undo the envelope. And the nominees are or best chat show host, Alan Carr. Dear Graham and Maria, I stopped drinking in January and I've been feeling so much better, both mentally and physically. I don't plan to start again, but I've got my best friend Stag Do coming up and I'm feeling really anxious about it, especially since it's with a group of around 20 big drinkers. I don't want to drink, but I also don't want to be the only one not drinking. but then I also don't want to feel pressured into it. Any advice on how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated and that is from Chris in Truro.
8:39Maria McErlane:First off, Chris, I have to say well done for giving up the drinking and second off, I'm wondering, Chris, if you're going to AA or anything like that and I have experience of that and I would say go to some meetings because they will let you know how to deal with this. You can find the AA meetings, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, you know, online. My dog has also been. But there's some really, really good non-alcoholic drinks these days. Except, I think in this instance, you know what this is going to be like. Yeah, but as long as people see you with a glass of beer. That's what I'm thinking. Just, like, order drinks.
9:18That's what I would say. Well, there's a few things going on here, Chris. I think if you are really not feeling that secure in your sobriety, then it probably is best not to go. I know. Because the pressure on this thing is going to be huge. 20 of them. Giving it large on this time. It's going to be a lot to kind of resist. If, on the other hand, you are feeling strong and you're, I don't need to drink, I'll be fine, then order drinks. Get, you know, a pint of beer. No one's looking at you. So long as you don't, you know, call any attention to yourself, no one's paying attention to what you're drinking.
9:55So order the beers and just don't drink them.
9:58Maria McErlane:Or, you know, have a word with the people wherever you're going behind the bar first and say, can you help me out here? So when I'm ordering a beer, can you give me the non-alcoholic? Because the minute you draw attention to yourself and you say, actually, guys, I'm not drinking. Why not? Come on, just have one. You can have one. I mean, I've heard it all. There is this great pressure from people who drink to want everyone else to join in. And I know it's a stag do, but you can still have fun without drinking, as any person who has stopped drinking will tell you, only too readily. The other thing, Chris, is, of course, it's not just about the stag do, because after the stag do, there's going to be a wedding.
10:36Then there'll be something else. There'll always be these occasions. and he needs to find a way, as you were saying, he needs to find a way of navigating them, a way that works for him. Now, it could be you just announced the thing, I'm not drinking, please don't go on about it. Yeah, I really wouldn't do that. It sounds like he's not there yet. It's new.
10:57Maria McErlane:It's relatively new and you feel better and you don't want to change it. Yeah, no, exactly. So he doesn't want to, I think it's all about how secure he feels in his sobriety. If he feels like he can, you know, stand his ground. But if he's going to feel the peer pressure, everyone's having drinks, all right, I'll do a shot. Suddenly, at the end of the weekend, he's not drinking the way he was, but he is drinking again. He'll hate himself. You'll feel kind of weak and like kind of the alcohol won. And somehow you've lost. And right now, you're in a great place, Chris. You're feeling wonderful physically, mentally.
11:31It's all good. So you don't want to damage that. So if you're not ready, I think if he really is your best friend, he should understand. You say, look, I love you and I'll be at the wedding and absolutely, but I don't think I can do this right now.
11:47Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think that's definitely true. But also, I don't know how you managed to give up, whether you just decided to stop drinking, which in AA they do call it, you know, going dry. They call it dry drunk. Sorry about the dog. But if you go to a meeting and open your mouth about it, You will have so much help and assistance by people who have been in that situation once upon a time. You're still quite new to it. So, you know, try it. If you really want to go to this, go with some help. Don't try and do it on your own. But also, we don't know where Chris was. Before, drinking a lot probably. Well, but we don't know.
12:19You know, it could be just like, oh, when I drink, I don't like it because I wake up and I have a hangover. I feel a bit sluggish or too many calories. We don't know whether it was that or whether it was I have a proper problem. and it's kind of really, my life was unraveling because of drink. Oh, where is he? I don't know. Oh, he's under the table.
12:39Maria McErlane:Yeah, it's a really difficult one and I wish you well with this. But I do think if you're not feeling strong enough, you're absolutely right, Graeme, don't go. Yeah, and like I say, if this is your best friend, if this is genuinely your best friend, he should understand that you have to choose yourself over this gang of 20 people who are, you know, still drinking like fish. And also, I wonder, 20 people, you're going to find a like-minded person in there, I think. Oh, I don't know. They sound like they're young people. Part of a stag do is getting drunken and sending someone to Donna Groats on a train, isn't it?
13:15Is it? I don't know.
13:16Maria McErlane:I haven't been to one. I don't think I've ever been on a stag do. I mean, I'd like to thank Chris for the first serious problem we've kind of had, really. Ever. In our lives. and I really really wish you well Chris I do too don't go that's going to be easier stay in and watch Netflix well except the only thing is I would think I think that is an option don't go but I think mentally Chris you know then you are then saying that these people and that alcohol own you you know that you don't that you're not strong enough and actually I think Chris at some point is going to have to say, I am strong enough.
13:59I can go to a wedding. I can go to a party. I mean, a stag do...
14:03Maria McErlane:He's relatively new to it, though. I think he's relatively new to it. And a stag do is a big thing because it's not just one night and you can't just get an Uber and get out of there. Stag do's are kind of about everybody letting go. It's also... I always feel like stag do's... When people come back from stag do's, they always talk about the horrible things we did. And then we sandpapered each other. And, you know, we all rolled in sand and we had third degree burns. And, you know, I lived. And then someone fell through a slate glass window. Oh, it was amazing. You should have been there. And we spent the whole night, four of us in A &E.
14:39Maria McErlane:Yeah. Whole blood transfusion. My leg's still there. It was brilliant. Brilliant night. There's a kind of a real perverseness. I know. It's like anti-fun is their fun at Stag Do's. The more I talk about it, yeah, Chris, don't go. The more you're talking about it, the more I'm thinking, that sounds brilliant. I'm not. Eager, eager wangers or dedicated listeners. They are involved in the show. They emailed in wangingon at listen.co.uk and they've had early eyes on these problems. What do they say? This is from Angela. She says, I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 76 years. And I'm only 25. It's great.
15:21Maria McErlane:I've got so many friends because I'm the designated driver. I don't want that. My nickname is Mrs. Uber. Your friends will be jealous that you're so self-disciplined. Plus, Diet Coke tastes great. Good luck with the stag. You will love waking up with no hangover. Angela, thank you very much. And 76 years is good going. I'm thinking, how old is Angela? Because did she stop drinking when she was 10? She must be 94 because she wasn't allowed to drink until she was 18. So 76 plus 18, yeah. Who else? Tyler. Maybe just have one drink. No. And then pace yourself and have non-alcoholic drinks if possible.
15:59Maria McErlane:Always have a glass in your hand. This is good. So that you can refuse another one. But it is so difficult when it's your mates and you don't want to lose face. It's all about losing face, isn't it? But I do think having a drink in your hand, people aren't really paying that much attention. Again, they're very obsessed with their own. They're just having a good time. So long as you have a drink and you're slopping some beer around, they won't know. Guy has left us a voice note. Hooray! I think my advice to that particular situation would be to keep offering to buy rounds because everyone will think you're a legend and you can control the situation.
16:34You can buy yourself alcohol-free pints on draft or strategically intersperse lime and tonics and pass them off as G &Ts if anyone asks. alternatively if the stag group do get funny about it and pull you up on what you're drinking potentially you could say you're currently on meds for a medical condition and if you drink alcohol you might die so no one can really argue with that guys clever yeah i like the medical thing the other thing i mean it is throwing money at the problem because it's going to cost you a fortune to be the one that buys all the drinks you're
17:10Maria McErlane:I mean, very popular, but very, very broke. Yes. You won't feel so physically and mentally well when you get back from that holiday. And now I've had to sell my flat. But I don't think that if I drink, I'm going to die, it's going to wash, really. But no, but you could be on some weird antibiotics. But I think it's better to keep yourself under the, you know, don't raise your head above the parapet. The minute you say I'm not drinking because there's an outcry and people are suddenly noticing you, just be one of the gang and have a word with the people behind the bar and say, can you substitute because I'm on medication and I will die.
Read the full transcript
17:43Maria McErlane:It's about who you tell the lies to, really. Do you have any more words to read? I have. Sean says, I can empathise with this listener. I've been trying to cut down on my alcohol intake and I often get pressured by friends to continue drinking when out in social circles. I still go out with them, but I tend to stick to non-alcoholic drinks, which most pubs now serve. Just explain to your friends how you are... Feeling. I'm guessing. Yay! And hopefully they will respond positively. Chris, good luck with your sobriety. Yeah, good luck. And hopefully some of that advice helped. We'll have letter two in mere moments.
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20:00Maria McErlane:Envelope, yes, I know, I know. Yes, and your pregnancy test is positive. Hey! Hi, Graham and Maria. My husband and I, oh my goodness, my husband and I are about to have our first baby. It's as if you knew. Oh my goodness. We also have a cat. The cat is mine and my husband doesn't like him. He's allergic to cats and he doesn't like the cat to come anywhere near him. Well, he wouldn't if he's allergic. I'm surprised you're allowed to have a cat if he's allergic. My husband doesn't want to allow the cat near the baby, but there's no reason why the cat shouldn't be allowed near the baby. I've been doing a lot of reading on this.
20:36Maria McErlane:it's better that the cat can investigate the baby so he's not scared of it. We've recently moved house and I'm worried the cat will run away if he is kept away from us. How can I convince my husband that cat and baby can live together in perfect harmony? And that is from Minnie in Bridge End. I just don't know, Minnie in Bridge End, how you have got a cat in your house when your husband is allergic. Because that means like, you know, coming out in hives and sneezing and sweating and doing all the things when you have an allergy. But also, I don't know how you're having a baby with a man that you haven't solved this issue with.
21:14When you say reading between the lines. You're about to raise a human being and you haven't addressed the cat in the room.
21:22Maria McErlane:I think it's actually going to just be you and the baby and the cat. Well, I think essentially that's what Minnie'd like. I think Minnie does like the cat more. Our work here is done. I think Minnie loves the cat more than him. and clearly because she has not suggested the cat go live with anyone else. I think there's a compromise that is needed here, Minnie Inbridge End, and you're going to have to consider what the compromise will be. Either you get rid of the cat and stop your husband. Has he made up the allergy? We don't know. I think clearly Minnie Inbridge End thinks that he has, but I would say the cat really has to go.
21:58Maria McErlane:Really? Yeah. Why? Because the husband doesn't want it near the baby. he doesn't want it anywhere near him. The cat is, you know, the fly in the ointment. If I can just mix up my animals and insects here. But pets are, as we know, pets are an amazing thing to have in your life. You'll soon forget about the cat when you've got a baby. Well, I read a thing recently where in grief, in bereavement, in bereavement, a pet helps you more than a partner. Oh. Yeah, they bring you more emotional solace than talking to an actual... Is that because you don't feel judged by a pet? I think because there's no discussion.
22:36You're just petting them. You're getting all the, you know, endorphins, your heart rate, all of that sort of stuff.
22:41Maria McErlane:Serotonin things. Yeah, all of that stuff's happening. In fact, it's the stuff you get from a baby. You know, all the stuff you get from breastfeeding and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You also get from petting a dog. Dopamine. There you go. Is yours off the charts right now? What? Your dopamine is off the charts right now. I wish you were right. But what is your solution to this? The solution should have been... Yeah, but it hasn't been a long time ago. Were you back there? It hasn't. Where he agreed to marry someone who owned a cat. Yeah. And now, guess what? She still owns a cat. Yeah. What did he think was going to happen?
23:16Did he think the cat would die? Did he think the cat would run away? It hasn't. And now you're having a baby together.
23:21Maria McErlane:And they've moved house. There's a lot of stress going on, frankly. I feel this is insane, Minnie, that you've let it get to this or that your husband has let it get to this. Don't moan at her. She's pregnant with a baby. And a cat. And listen, I think there are a lot of old wives' tales as well about cats and babies. And I think, you know, the thing about the... And sitting on the baby and smothering it. And I don't think any of that's true. No, but I also don't think you should ever leave a baby alone with any animal. No, absolutely not. No, no matter how much you trust them, don't. But, you know, Minnie loves the cat.
23:54Minnie's going to love her baby. Minnie loves her husband. So she's got everything she wants. The husband doesn't. Now, something's got to give before this baby arrives because, you know, Minnie's right. If you suddenly turn the cat into an outside cat when it's been an inside cat all these years, it probably will wander off because of what kind of thing. Hang on, you chucked me out of the house where I used to live.
24:18Maria McErlane:So your husband's view that he can't have the cat anywhere near the baby is really he wants you to get rid of the cat. Yes, well, he never wanted the cat. in the first place. And as you've just moved house, now, because the cat doesn't really know where you live anymore, now would be a good time to get it rehomed. I know this is hard for you, Minnie and Bridgen, but you are going to have a baby and your whole priority and your whole life is going to be about babies. In the first few months of babies is so hard, you're not going to want to have to worry about the cat. But except your hormones are going to be all over the shop, and you're going to blame your husband for so much because you don't have a cat anymore.
25:01The cat you love is gone. It's a can of worms. It's a can of cat food. I feel like the husband needs to suck it up because he went into this eyes wide open.
25:13Maria McErlane:So he knew what he was buying into. He was marrying someone who owned a cat and now he's having a baby. Yeah, but I think maybe the baby thing came later and he's using the baby as an excuse to get rid of the cat But she's doubling down. Good. Good on you, Minnie. I can only see this ending badly. Well, I think... I'll have the baby. You keep the cat. And I'll date the husband. I mean, I knew we were good at this, but really... Really? I mean, that didn't take long, did it? No. We always find a way around everything. Minnie, I don't know what to tell you. Weirdly, I would say I think that is the hardest problem.
25:50Because it's big. There's no kind of easy solution to this. I think it's very, very difficult. Should we see what listeners think?
26:00Maria McErlane:Yes, let's do that. The wangers. The wangers have been in touch. The wangers who had early eyes on the problems. Yep. Peter says, I think your husband may have a point. Oh, yeah. Is it entirely appropriate for the cat to be treading in all sorts of muck? Oh, get over yourself, Peter. And then coming near your beautiful newborn baby. I know you say you've done some reading, but I'm not convinced. Either way. I know you think you've actually thought about this. I know you think you can read, but I'm not convinced. You've just been colouring in pictures. I'm not convinced. Either way, ask him what he's concerned about.
26:33Maria McErlane:We know what he's concerned about. And then perhaps Google it together to agree on what's best. That's stupid, Peter. And also, here's the thing. I heard this when I was at a hippie commune in San Francisco. I can't believe that of you. Many years ago, I went to this thing called the Rainbow Gathering or something. Of course you did. And it was up in the mountains, Northern California. So we're talking San Fran here. Yeah, but Northern California was where this rainbow thing and everyone was just like cooking in the mud. And, you know, it was just... And I remember I met this old woman, an old woman hippie.
27:07And, you know, I must have been a bit squeamish about some of the cooking arrangements or bathroom arrangements. And she said such a good thing. She said, everything's as dirty as everything else. Like it. And it's so true. If you think about it, if it's on the ground, it's in the air. We've breathed it in. So the cat isn't bringing any dirt in.
27:27Maria McErlane:And also, when I was little, we ate dirt. And now look. Our parents have only spent 14 years in hospital. No, but, you know, it builds your immune system, basically, doesn't it? Brad has sent a voice note. Let's listen to it now, shall we? I can't wait. There are no reasons why the cat shouldn't be allowed near the baby, especially as studies show that growing up around pets can boost a child's immune system. You know, that should be real positive around a husband that, you know, does have those allergies. I think this person needs to reassure her husband about the ways that both baby and cat can live harmoniously.
28:01Either that or just get rid of the husband, really. Sounds slightly controlling, if I'm going to be honest. Yeah, and I knew we wanted to hear from Brad, but he's right about the allergies, because actually, if the stupid husband had grown up with a cat, he'd be fine with a cat now.
28:14Maria McErlane:Oh, he wouldn't have the allergies. Yeah. Yeah, but I think we're not, you know, we are missing the point there, Brad. It's not about the baby and the cat. It's about the husband and the cat because he's got animals. Anyway, Mel says, Minnie, you're not going to like this, but maybe you need to rehome the cat. You said that. I rehomed my rabbits when I had my son. You have different priorities now. I do think some households make pets and newborns work, but it doesn't sound like you have that kind of household. Will it not be better for the cat in the long term if he can have a home that is more welcoming.
28:46Well, there's that, because the cat lives with a hobbit husband. What fascinates me about Mel is, why on earth did you rehome your rabbits? Were they free-roaming in the house or something? Were they afraid the baby would pick up the poo? Like, weren't they in hutches?
28:58Maria McErlane:I don't know. I think what Mel is saying is she didn't have the time for the rabbits. Do rabbits take much time? Well, yeah. Babies take all your time. So no time for rabbits? No, no time for rabbit-making or whatever they do, rabbiting. No, because, I mean, you can live with pets. I mean, does Raffi have any boundaries in the house at all? No. No. Raffi sleeps on the bed. Yeah. So. Not in the bed. No. Unless it's a chilly evening. Yeah. Depends if I have company, Grail. Then he has to sleep outside. I got a new sofa and I was not going to let the dogs on it. I remember. And then, you know, about a month in, you just say, what's the point of having dogs if they're not cuddling on the sofa with you?
29:43Maria McErlane:Yeah, but also I remember your cushions, which were really lovely cushions from Liberty's. I remember coming about a week after you'd done them, and all the corners had been chewed. Yes, they'd been chewed. They'd been chewed. But you forgive your dogs, don't you? No, if somebody came round to your house and chewed all the corners off your cushions, you would never speak to them again. You'd invoice them. But when a dog does it, you go, oh, what's he like? I remember you doing that face. What's he like? And remember, even in his own bed, he would drag it out into the garden to show us all him humping it.
30:17Ah, yes. He was so delighted. So delighted with this horniness. He didn't want to do it in private. That's right.
30:22Maria McErlane:Well, he'd seen you going dogging, so he knew that there was something to be had from showing people what you were doing. Yeah, absolutely. I do like the fact that your dogs were show-offs. Well, so Bailey was. Madge less so, I feel. Well, she would have a fight to show off. Yes, she was quite aggressive. Okay, Alex, I'm no expert. Oh, I can't believe it. I'm not reading it then. What's the point of any of this? I choose to read it. But surely the cat won't run away if it's kept away from the baby. Just give the cat plenty of affection and attention when your husband is holding the baby or when the baby is asleep.
30:56Maria McErlane:The cat will adjust, and over time your husband will probably soften too. You'll all get used to the new dynamic in the house. It just takes time. Do they have that much time? I do think, yes, if you buy the cats like salmon or something, it won't stray far. And it won't be, I probably won't be, you know, cats aren't interested in anything really, are they? I think your husband just has to have a lifetime supply of Puritan or other allergy medication. And you just have to suck it and see because I don't think anybody wants to rehome the cat or rehome the husband. Yeah, I do think it is amazing that people get this far in relationships when there's something this big hanging over it.
31:37Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's what I mean about communication. It's just like, why did we not have this combo before we tried to have a baby? Minnie, I don't know if you've confused you more than you were already, but maybe you got something good out of all that advice. Coming up to round off this episode of Wanging On, it's another Am I Weird? Okay, this is Am I Weird? The bit of the podcast where myself and Maria pass judgment on your oddities, your quirks. Have you got one today? Yeah, but I also have to tell you that if you want to send in your weirdness, it's wanging on. Yeah? Wangingon at listen.co.uk. Is that an email address or something?
32:15Maria McErlane:That's an email address, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, today's Am I Weird? When you're ready, Maria. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I pretend to be my own assistant when replying to emails? I like this. I can't remember where I got the idea, but basically I manage a team of 23 people and we have dozens of clients. So occasionally, if I'm invited to pointless meetings or events, my trusty PA wades in to decline on my behalf. I get quite a kick out of it too. And that is from Sandra in London. I don't actually believe that she manages a team of 23 people. They're fictitious as well.
32:56I have an assistant and 23 people who work on my team.
33:00Maria McErlane:You see, once you start to lie, nothing is believed again anymore. Because if your trusty PA wades into kind of, why don't you have a PA with 23 people that you manage? And it would come from your email as well. I'm just, you know, I'm mismarpling this a little bit. If you do do this, and people do. I mean, lots of people who don't have agents. Hugh Grant used to be his own agent and decline everything, didn't he? Loads of people have been their own agent and pretended, and they would even answer the phone and do all that sort of stuff. In a Scottish accent, hello? No, he will not come on pointless.
33:35So I would say, Sandra, it's a good way, it's a good kind of evading tactic of awkward situations.
33:45Maria McErlane:But if you have a team of 23 people, you really should have. your own PA who could be doing that. Yes. It would just get you out of everything. Yeah. You don't need to pretend then. But also, I think, Sandra, what you must do is the PA must also intervene and say yes to things. Otherwise, people will smell a rat. But why doesn't... If you only hear from the PA when you're not going to something. But the PA must only say yes to fictitious things that don't exist. Oh, yeah. But CC everyone. Yes. CC all 23 people on the team. Yes, Sandra would love to come to the Oscars this year. Bowling? Yes, that sounds lovely.
34:23See you all there.
34:26Maria McErlane:This is a good game. You probably won't need to do any work for the next week because you'll be too busy on your admin. And fired. I don't think you're weird, though. No, I don't think you fall into the weird category. I think what she's done is she's found a quick, easy way around something that was an irritant in her life. And not only that, but as she says, she gets a kick out of it. So she enjoys it. But actually, you should really have a word with HR and get your own PA so you don't have to make it up. Get a real PA. Get a real PA. That's all we've got time for on this edition of Wanging On.
34:57Maria McErlane:Please remember, if you need actual proper help from actual proper experts, then there's more information on our Instagram page at Wanging On. And also, AA is very easy to find. Getting rid of your husband, maybe a good divorce lawyer, or find the cattery in your local area. And Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a listen production. That's it for this time, and we'll see you next week Bye-bye Bye-bye
35:46Great, now we're talking. Book it. Booked. One mile down, 19 to go. Bring it on. You've got options. Download the ZogDog app today.
35:56Maria McErlane:I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. Go, go, go, go! A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only purest thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. and watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13.
From the publisher
Is it possible to be the only sober person on a Stag Do? Can pets and babies cohabit safely at home? Is it weird to invent your own fake personal assistant?!
Graham and Maria answer all these questions in your new weekly episode of Wanging On. Plus Graham shares what he got up to on his recent visit to Australia, including a random package he received for a one Mr. Johnny Depp...
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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4:21 Sober on a Stag Do?
14:52 Can Pets and Babies mix?
26:55 Is It Weird to Have a Fake Assistant?
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