In short
Graham and Maria discuss writing and book blurbs, then tackle two listener problems. First, they debate why authors get offended by vague blurbs or “I haven’t got round to it,” and share examples: Graham cites Anne Tyler style influence and a story where an Irish crime writer (Liz Nugent) recommended a book, then claimed the author thought Graham had read it; he realized he had enjoyed it but forgotten. Second, they answer Sarah, who dog-sat a shih tzu that left dried dog poo on an antique Persian rug for days; she’s been quoted £200 by a specialist cleaner and can’t bring herself to ask the friends for the money. They suggest telling the friends quickly, DIY cleaning, or hiring a cleaner, and note the “West Wing”/formal dining room detail. Third, they advise “Greg” about homesickness after moving to Melbourne for a dull job while his girlfriend thrives; they urge finding a tribe, job-hunting, and possibly relocating/traveling.
Guests
no named guests; only listeners (“Sarah,” “Greg,” “James in Dis,” plus commenters: Sean, Andy, Michelle, Paula, Angela, Craig, Lou, Laura).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOGraham's Writing Process
1:55 to 3:00
Graham discusses his experience writing and editing his book.
“Hello and welcome to another Wanging On with Graham and Maria.”
The Art of Book Blurbs
3:00 to 4:25
Graham and Maria discuss the challenges of writing blurbs for books.
“because I've come up with an idea for a novel, a plot for a novel, and then I can write the whole thing in about 15 ,000 words and then you have to go about, oh, that's a bit short.”
Memory and Book Recommendations
4:25 to 5:44
Graham shares an amusing story about forgetting a book he endorsed.
“But you quoted quite a lot on her books.”
Creative Inspirations from Conversations
5:44 to 7:12
Graham and Maria discuss the value of inspiration from everyday conversations.
“I think it's because you have so much in your head.”
Listener Letter: Dog Sitting Dilemma
7:12 to 14:01
The hosts tackle a listener's dilemma about cleaning a rug after dog sitting.
“This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest.”
Dog Mess Dilemma
14:01 to 19:31
Graham and Maria discuss the complexities of dealing with a friend's dog-related disaster.
“Also, my thing is, she's left it too long.”
Dog Mess Dilemma
20:00 to 21:12
Graham and Maria discuss the complexities of dealing with a friend's dog-related disaster.
“It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment.”
Homesickness in Melbourne
21:21 to 28:00
A letter from a listener reveals their struggles with homesickness and job dissatisfaction in Australia.
“I'm ignoring you I feel I've had my glasses on for quite a long time Okay They're quite heavy Do you mind if I hold them?”
Navigating Job Dissatisfaction and Relationships
28:00 to 31:26
Explore the complexities of job dissatisfaction and its impact on relationships.
“You know, there'll be things to draw you back.”
Listener Engagement: Am I Weird Segment Intro
31:26 to 31:43
Introduction to a listener's quirky question about brushing teeth.
“That email address is also where you send your Am I Weirds, which we round off the show with.”
Show all 12 chapters
Discussion on Brushing Teeth with Hot Water
31:43 to 34:28
A light-hearted debate on the merits of brushing teeth with hot water.
“Am I weird that I brush my teeth with hot water?”
Discussion on Brushing Teeth with Hot Water
35:39 to 36:11
A light-hearted debate on the merits of brushing teeth with hot water.
“Class is now in session, and the UPS Store is here to help you ace arriving on campus.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:01This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app. The sooner you start investing, the more potential you have to build your money. Even for beginners, SoFi makes it simple with an easy-to-use app to get you going. SoFi is offering up to$1 ,000 in stock when you open and fund a SoFi self-directed brokerage account. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify. Brokerage offer through SoFi Securities LLC. Member FINRA slash SIPC. Terms apply. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.
0:38Maria McErlane:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. T 'was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, man. Bye. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency.
1:22When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. Do you have a dental dam or something in when you're brushing your teeth?
1:32Maria McErlane:No, I get just quite good at spitting. Oh, you do that. Me, me, me. It's all about me, isn't it? I mean... And you know why we get so few letters? Dog poo is probably not as bad as... no. I'm looking forward to what this sentence is now. Dog poo isn't as bad as... Hello and welcome to another Wanging On with Graham and Maria. This is where we attempt to solve your problems with neither qualifications nor expertise. What could possibly go wrong? Nor interest, really. Yeah, I know. But some episodes I think we do sound like we're interested. No, I know. Not every episode. No. I mean, you can't have it every week.
2:15Maria McErlane:It depends on the quality. Quality of our problems. Problems, yes. That's why we like people to get in touch with us. Where are you in the tippy-tappy typing world? Ah, thank you for asking. Are you mid-book? I'm about 40 ,000 in. Words. Words, yeah. Not pages, please God. 40 ,000 pages. Would you mind reading this? There's another Van Lude coming tomorrow. 40 ,000 words in, yes. But I haven't got to my main point. I mean, it's very overwritten, basically, at the moment. You mean the plot hasn't really kicked in yet? Is this all scene setting? It was, and then it's, I don't know. Anyway, I can edit all that.
2:58I have to go back and put scene setting in because I've come up with an idea for a novel, a plot for a novel, and then I can write the whole thing in about 15 ,000 words and then you have to go about, oh, that's a bit short. You've got to pad it. Then you've got to go back in. What kind of day it was?
3:10Maria McErlane:Exactly. And what was she wearing? Yes. How was she feeling? And where did she go to school? Busy road. Quiet road. Did she have a parent that didn't like her? Do you get asked to do blurbs? You know, the bit on the cover where it says, you know, So I loved this book. Yes, I have done. I have done. Why? No, no, because I was talking to someone last night and they're a well-known writer. Right. Will remain nameless. Yes, of course, until we break. And they were saying that they get into terrible trouble because if they don't give a blurb or just say, oh, I've got your book. It's on my, you know, to be read pile.
3:48I'm really sorry. I haven't got around here yet. People take great offence.
3:51Maria McErlane:It's a really difficult one because when a writer has done something and you want someone to endorse it, then you've got to really put yourself on the line and be vulnerable. So I think that's why they take offense when someone says, I just haven't got round to it. But then you just have to suck it up and go, okay, thank you very much. I'll ask my neighbor. And also, surely readers, when they walk into Waterstones or whatever and they see the names and other things, you just go, well, that's their friends. Not always. I mean, I've just been reading quite a lot of Anne Tyler because I basically want to copy her style for my book.
4:25There are worse people to copy.
4:26Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. She's very good. But you quoted quite a lot on her books. Am I? Yeah. Normally one word. Read it. Finished, said Grant Morton. Like, you know, unbeatable, I think, was one. Wow. This is a terrible thing. So a friend of mine, Liz Nugent, the Irish crime writer, She's brilliant. She's so dark and twisty. Anyway, I met her in Ireland. And she went to this particular book. And she said, oh, it's my favorite book. I'm going to get it for you. And I said, oh, thank you so much. You know, big recommendation. You know, it's nice to get a person. What is the book? I can't say what it is.
5:09Oh, okay. So the next day she brings it to me. And she goes, I spoke to the woman who wrote this book. She thinks you've read it. And I went, no, I haven't. I don't remember anything about this book at all. right take the book out of the bag my name on the front where i talk about her unforgettable characters
5:32and the weird thing is i did really enjoy it like i genuinely it wasn't like a you know just oh say this i i loved this book uh but just had totally forgotten reading it your memory is very
5:44Maria McErlane:bad anyway. I think it's because you have so much in your head. I mean, I was thinking the other day about characters and you know, you get annoyed with me for talking to people, but I always like to talk to people because I think somebody's going to come up with a good phrase, you know, a cab driver might come up with a good phrase or something. Or as Nora Ephron, marvellous novelist and screenplay writer said, everything is copy. So I like to find out from people on very short journeys what they, but you have too much of that. You're always asking showbiz people in their kind kind of curated stories.
6:15Where are we? Who said that thing about all writers kind of turn cannibal?
6:20Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you throw your friends onto the bus? No, no. I try not to throw my friends. I throw everyone else onto the bus. Those cab drivers. Those cab drivers. The body count is high. They are finished. Let me tell you something. But I do like, I'm just going to tell you one. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. One lady said to me. She's talking. One lady said to me the other day, these are the things that I like, when she said, oh it's you know half a dozen of one and half a dozen of the other and I said what? and she said I mean it's like you know the same and I said no but the thing is why that saying works is because the terminology it's six of one and half a dozen of the other did she punch you?
7:01Maria McErlane:no she said but that's what I said and I said okay write it down yes they will be a character so who says that? yes now you can get on with life shall we? Problems ahoy!
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8:22It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode, available on Plus and Pro Plans.
8:48Right, it's time to start with letter one. We're starting with letter one today.
8:52Maria McErlane:Yeah, rather than letter two. It's a format point. I know. I mean, you know, we're radical and that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Graham, here we go. Put your little listening hat on. I do. Dear Graham and Maria, I know you're dog lovers, so I'm hoping you will understand this. I dog sat a friend's shih tzu recently That's quite hard to say after a drink I dog sat a friend's shih tzu recently Poor thing had a terrible upset tummy And made a massive mess on our Antique Persian That's Iranian now Rug which belonged to my husband's grandfather We didn't spot this for several days As I had no idea The dog had snuck into the dining room Dining room she said The stains had dried And smell awful we've been quoted 200 pounds by a specialist cleaning company and my husband is demanding I get this back from my friend they can afford it, we can't I can't bring myself to ask so and divorce is looming and that's from Sarah who says help Well now, really I feel this whole letter is to tell us they live in a very big house that's really the takeaway here Well basically you're very good at reading between the lines Yes, we live in a house so big We couldn't smell vile dog shit for weeks.
10:07Maria McErlane:In the dining room in the West Wing? No. Oh, gosh. So what problem are we answering? Does she want a bigger house? What's going on? The trouble is, they're living in this huge house with antique Persian rugs and no money because they can't drum up£200 to clean the antique Persian rug. So, you know, they're kind of like the church mice kind of situation. Not cash rich, but property rich. Yes. The thing is, Sarah, instead of writing to us, You should have been writing to your friends because the longer you leave this, a bit like the poo on the rug, the worse it will get. You need to tell them quickly that this has happened.
10:44We've discovered this happened, you know, in the far end of the East Wing where we keep the formal dining room.
10:53Maria McErlane:I mean, really. The winter dining room. It is the sort of thing that you tell somebody when you return the dog, isn't it? You say, oh, no, she's been very good, but did have a slight accident on great-grandfather's Persian rug. It's quite valuable. Yes. And we've been quoted 200 pounds. And Brian with a Y is furious. Brian with a Y. He won't let it go. Yeah. I'm so sorry. You have to give me 200 pounds. Well, I think, you know, that is the time to say it, if you're going to say something. It's a really difficult one because you did a favour. No good turn goes unpunished. You got your punishment in the shape of a big poo in the West Wing in the dining room that you never go into.
11:30But they didn't spot it for several days. Or you could say a week.
11:33Maria McErlane:Yeah. It's a really difficult one. I mean, I think you can do it yourself, Sarah, for, you know, cheaper. This Persian rug has... That has disaster written all over it. The Persian rug has lasted already for many generations, it seems. And there's very little you can do to lose value on a Persian rug. And also, are you going to sell it? No, never. I think the whole beauty of an old rug is that you see the imperfections and the cigarette burns. The big brown stain. And the big brown stains. It's beautiful. And they add to the patina and to the history. And you smile and nod when you look at those stains.
12:15Maria McErlane:But no, just get a little bit. Try it. Try it with a little cotton bud and a bit of washing. No, not washing up. Sort of like washing powder. Bicarbonate of soda Diluted, no Because that actually Bleaches things Diluted washing powder And try it And I think you'll be Very surprised The first little bit you do And then you'll Get your confidence up And you'll do the whole thing Yeah And then you'll do The whole rug And it'll all be A different colour It'll be It'll be lamb's wool Yeah But your husband won't notice I think Here's the thing I've never had A specialist carpet cleaner But I think 200 pounds Sounds like Not a bad quote That's because You're very rich No 200 pounds for something that's incredibly valuable.
12:55You know, people normally up the prices when they see, oh, you know, beautiful. Yeah.
13:00Maria McErlane:But if Sarah really can't afford it and you can't bring yourself, I mean, you're going to have to lie one way or another to your husband, who sounds like he's being unreasonable by making you ask your friend, just try it yourself. You know, how hard can it be? You can actually hire a carpet cleaner, specialist carpet cleaner that kind of puts water on and then sucks it straight back up again. Oh, yes, you could hire, yes. Yes, yourself, from one of the popular supermarkets. I can say anything. I don't think you can get it from a supermarket. You can, Morrisons. Really? Yeah. You can hire a carpet cleaner, Morrisons.
13:32Maria McErlane:Oh, you need to get out more. No, I don't. And stop travelling around in private jets. I don't want to know this. You don't need to know this. You're happy to spend£200 and find it reasonable. I think she can't, though, can she? She can't. They haven't got£200 to spare. You know, what's to lose? If this doesn't work, it's not going to really damage your carpet, I can't think. Why can't she ask the friends? They've got money, the friends, even though they couldn't afford a kennel. But anyway. Well, I don't know. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to. She says, I can't bring myself to ask. Also, my thing is, she's left it too long.
14:11Maria McErlane:Yeah, she should have said on return of dog. What you do is you hold on to the dog and say it did a massive poo. You're not getting it back until you give me 200 quid. But no, the trouble is. The choice is yours. Because of the several days spent not going into the West Wing, they didn't know. So dog was given back bye-bye. They didn't realise the dog had, you know, done its business all over the Persian rug. So, hellish. But then you grab your coat and put your scarf on and you run over to a neighbour's house. Terribly sorry. With rug, look. With rug, yeah. Do it yourself, Sarah. Just try it yourself.
14:42That's a desire. No, because if that goes wrong, then cross-husband, who I really don't like, he... Brian with a Y. Brian with a Y. I, yeah, I don't like him with an eye.
14:52Maria McErlane:How wrong can it go, Graham? This is all I'm saying. You're not actually... You could burn a hole in the rug. No, you're not using bleach. You're not using anything kind of illegal. But then it won't get dog poo out. Well, dog poo is probably not as bad as... No, let me just say that again. I'm looking forward to what this sentence is now. Dog poo isn't as bad as... What else have you spilt in a rug? What I'm going to say... What I was going to say was, whatever you do to the rug won't be as bad as the dog poo. It'll be a little bit of probably, you know... But a big white stain is, I think, almost as bad as a big brown stain.
15:27But you don't know what it was. Okay. But it's still a big bit of the rug that isn't bad. I mean, I would move the dining room table, surely.
15:35Maria McErlane:I would move the dining room, Frank. I would just close up the dining room and never go there again. That now, now you're talking. Now, finally. We have to talk around it. Just lock the door on that. You never use it anyway. Yes, brick it up. Brian doesn't like having people round. Yes, his first wife's in there anyway. That parquet floor is covering a lot, let me tell you. It's not poo, it's blood. And so we go dark yet again. Oh, it turns out she's married to a killer. We are good at reading between the lines, aren't we? We're so good. From poo to murder in six easy steps. Sarah, I still think step one, you ask the friends Maria is all for the DIY cleaning I'm putting a lot of faith in our wangers, frankly Yes, this is our wangers They've got early eyes on these problems How did they do that?
16:26They emailed us, wangingon at listen.co.uk You could do it too What have you got?
16:32Maria McErlane:Yeah, we've got Sean, who says Sorry to sound harsh here, get over it Oh, I love it Sean So harsh Hardball there Four exclamation marks Pay the£200, get the Persian rug cleaned and move on. Their marriage must be in a poor state, yeah? They don't have the money. Sure, they don't have the money. If divorce is looming. Dogs have accidents and if you feel that strongly about it, don't look after the dog again. Complete overreaction. Next. Well, now. He's taking new prisoners. He really is. Andy's left us are. Oh, is it a voice? Is it a voice? I would say that you need to look after someone else's dog.
17:08In my experience, they'll ease up anything that's lying around. even if it's a bit dried in. Problem solved. That is a dog owner. That is a dog owner.
17:17Maria McErlane:He sounds like a policeman. Yeah, no, but I do... There's that very... That's a very good place in Family Guy where Brian is with Meg at the prom and she drinks too much and she vomits. And then they're standing there quietly for a while. Then Brian just goes, you gonna have that? Very, very pleasing. And yeah, I'm afraid Andy, as disgusting as that advice is. It's not bad. Yeah. Michelle says, how can you not notice dog shit on a rug for several days? The smell alone. Close door, you see. Manor house. If the carpet was that important, then the dog mess wouldn't have been left on it for so long.
17:57Maria McErlane:You also agree to look after the dog, so anything that happens is really your responsibility. It's not the dog's fault it was ill. I'm kind of with you on that, Michelle. It's as if everyone has forgotten that people own this dog and have 200 pounds. Yes, but it's asking them. Yes. If you looked after my dog and my dog was sick and I then, no, the other way around. You were sick. Yeah, I was sick. I don't know who I'm asking for 200 pounds now. My dog. And then you pass go. Paula says, by way of compromise, ask your friends to make a contribution to the 200 pounds. That way you're not footing the entire bill, but you also don't come across as petty.
Read the full transcript
18:43Maria McErlane:I think it's petty to ask for a contribution. We're prepared to pay£12. And the bill is£200. If you could do the other£188, that would be lovely. You could ask for a contribution and then do it yourself. And then, what's her name, Sarah? I think ask for that whole£200 and do it yourself. And then Sarah's quid's in. And you can pay a divorce lawyer with that. Sarah hasn't thought this through, has she? Oh, Sarah, I hope we've helped. Certainly find a use for the dining room that never gets used. Yeah, well, you can sleep in it when you separate, but you don't want to leave the family home. Yeah, that's true.
19:22Maria McErlane:Just barricade your way in and don't let Brian anywhere near it. Seriously, Sarah, we hope divorce is not in the offing and we have helped a little bit. A second problem is in the offing. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.
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21:11Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. Well, Lord of mercy, it's time for a second letter. Could you rip open an envelope?
21:22Maria McErlane:I guess I can. I can and can. It's that one, the closed one. I know. It says two on it. I'm ignoring you I feel I've had my glasses on for quite a long time Okay They're quite heavy
21:40Maria McErlane:Do you mind if I hold them? I'm so sorry Would you like me to hold them? Could you get some little scaffolding or something? Well no, you get those glasses chain We put it on top of your head Just keep them up a little bit And do a bit of eye work as well Yeah, why are they so heavy? I mean, they do look quite heavy. I don't know. Yeah, that was a big old... It was a big old tortoise. I hate my glasses. Anyway, dear Graham and Maria, a year ago, my girlfriend and I moved to Melbourne. It was at my instigation, to be honest, as I got offered a dream job and I convinced her to come with me. Actually, Melbourne is really nice.
22:17Maria McErlane:Did you go there on your tour? Yeah, I did, yeah. I'll tell you all about it in a minute. Good. She's been amazing and really embraced the adventure. She's found herself a job and developed a nice social circle. She's told me that she's really happy here. The thing is... We knew there was a thing. Yeah, I am not. The job is actually quite dull. I haven't found my tribe and I'm surprised just how homesick I've been. Australia is so, so far away from the UK and a return trip is so, so expensive. So we can't do it more than once a year. I want to go back home, but how can I ask that of her when I begged her to uproot her life and come out here with me in the first place?
22:59Maria McErlane:Me, me, me. It's all about me, isn't it? I mean... I don't know why we get so few letters. You'd think people would be flocking. But listen, I just want to stand up for his girlfriend. She has uprooted her life because you got a fabulous job and she's thrown herself into it and she's found really nice friends and she's got a really nice job and oh, I don't like it and the UK is so far away. No, he knows all that. That's why he doesn't want to ask her to go back. Yes, I know. What I'm saying to you, Greg, is... My name's Graham. Graham. Not you. What I'm saying to this, Greg, apart from you, Greg, is get another job.
23:41Maria McErlane:There are other jobs around. You find this one dull and now you want to go home. Yes, I think, look, here's the thing, Greg, early days. Yeah, really. Early days. And I think what's making it worse is that his girlfriend has hit the ground running. She's found stuff faster. And now he's thinking, I want to be her. I want that life. I mean, also, Greg, the bit of your letter that does slightly grind my gears. Oh, does it? Is the bit about Australia is so far away from the UK. You didn't think of that? Yeah. You did notice the timing on the flight when you booked it. Yeah. Like, it is very far away.
24:13Maria McErlane:It's 24 hours. That's not going down to this one. And you're not even in Tulsa at the end of it. Exactly. You're in Melbourne. It's lovely. Melbourne is gorgeous. I like the trams. Greg, I just think that you need to make more effort here. So the job is dull and she's got a great job and she's having a nice time. And you're being Debbie Downer here or Greggy Downer. And you need to just, you know, there are other jobs that you can do. Why is this job so dull? Is it the job? Is it the girlfriend? Is it that she's doing so well? Is it that you just want to go home? You're homesick. I mean, everything has crowded in once you've decided that the job is dull.
24:51And also, it's that thing, I think once you let homesickness take hold.
24:54Maria McErlane:Yeah, it really does. Then it does. And you are, and of course, you're doing all that thing. You're still looking at your family and friends at home. You look at their Instagram, their Facebook, all of that. And you say, oh, I wish I was at that dull barbecue. And, you know, rather than embracing the life you've chosen. Yeah. I was offered a dream job. Well, it turns out that I wasn't. But still, I'm guessing you're young. So I would just treat this as an experience. And also you could talk to your girlfriend and kind of go, so how long do you think we're going to stay here? And she'll go, I thought we were going to stay forever.
25:27And he was saying, oh, I thought maybe five years. Because five years is a long time.
25:31Maria McErlane:People make five-year plans, apparently. Yes, they do. I think we're too old to do that now. There's no point. I'd do a three-year plan, tops. I haven't bought myself a five-year diary for a while. A friend of mine, her dad was 90-something. and they offered him, you know, he bought a new fridge and they offered him a warranty. A five-year warranty. Like a warranty. And you could pay extra to make it like a 20-year warranty. Oh, my God. And he would say to him, do you think I should pay for that? And she was going, no, I really don't think you should. But I like the fact, though, that he was sort of slightly deluded about that.
26:04Maria McErlane:I think that's the way to stay alive, be deluded about how long you've got. Yes, waiting for the fridge to break. Yeah. Yeah. Live! Yes, I think, Greg, think about your life back in Britain. Who were your tribe here? And where might those people be lurking in Melbourne? Because they are there. You know, so what are your interests? You know, is there a cinema club? Or is there a sport you're into? Or is there a particular sort of music you like? Go to those things. It's not going to just fall into your lap. It slightly has for your girlfriend, or maybe she's just, you know, better at it. Look at what she did and you do that because she's having a great time.
26:43Maria McErlane:It does feel slightly like, you know, the job is dull, so he's thrown all his toys out of the pram rather than going, how can I get round this? The way you get round it is to copy her and to realise that, you know, it takes a while, doesn't it? You don't find your tribe straight away. And also you're right by the beach, you go down to St Kilda, you know, little trips up to Sydney. You know, I wouldn't go anywhere else. Hop on a tram. wouldn't go anywhere else. You liked all of Australia. No, I really did. I liked it all. I liked it all. Did you go up north? We went to the very far north of New Zealand, but this isn't helping Greg.
27:21Maybe go to the very far northeast of New Zealand. Oh, you'll love it, Greg. I just think you are having an adventure. So rather than sitting there being all mealy-mouthed, acknowledge I am in Australia. I may not be here for the rest of my life. In fact, I imagine you won't be. But just see it as an adventure. With your dream job, save some Australian dollars and do some travelling around Australia. You know, enjoy it. And then at some point, maybe, you know, and I think this will come sooner or later, as you and your girlfriend, you know, parents get older, family members start having babies that you'd like to see.
28:00You know, there'll be things to draw you back.
28:02Maria McErlane:I mean, presumably, his girlfriend is aware of the fact that he's not happy in his job and he finds it dull. She's delighted. Well, she's off with her friends, isn't she? Yeah, she's having an affair. You're a bit of a downer. I'm going out. Bye. Yeah, she's so dating someone else. Stop it. Greg, don't listen to him. Wangers. Wangers, wangers, wangers. The wangers have got things to say. Here we go. Angela. Oh. That's what she says. No. Oh. That's very sad. But you have to come first. Really? You spend two thirds of your life working. Really? So you have to be happy. The irony of you reading that aloud.
28:43How long is she going to live?
28:49Maria McErlane:Very good. Very good. You have to be happy in what you do, says Angela. If you want to come home, then you must. She's got a lot of capital letters. Your girlfriend can stay with her new life, or she can up sticks and come back with you. But your happiness comes first. Is this his mother, Angela? I mean, I do feel that everyone's kind of pandering. No, not everyone. He's been there for a hot minute. You know, they've only been there a year. Hot minute, exactly. Give it time. Craig says, next time you visit the UK, do it race across the world style to keep things cheap. Six or seven stops around the world.
29:23Maria McErlane:Have some quality time together and see the world on a budget. When you reach Blighty, make a decision about whether you want to go back to Australia or not. But you have to live for the moment and not look back. I don't really know what his advice was there, other than appear on some programme. I know, I know. I think you're doing it in the style of Race the World. It's still expensive to come home. Yes, and also, yeah. And also... There's no way around that. It's spendy to come back to the UK from Australia. But they can avoid to do it once a year, which I think is a lot. I think that's a lot.
29:53Maria McErlane:And that's kind of enough, because when you're homesick and you're thinking, what are they doing now? They're not really doing that much exciting things. No, no. They're watching Gladiators. You've got... Yes, Gladiators, that's still on. Yeah, it's back. You've got opportunities for so much that you haven't experienced yet. Yeah. And you're kind of giving up, Greg. You haven't been bit by a spider, attacked by a snake, nothing. Guess who's also got something to say? Oh, Lou and Perth. Yes! Oh, my God. Lou and Perth. It says, it sounds like you've moved from well done. Why can't I speak? I have no idea.
30:23Maria McErlane:It sounds like you've moved from one dull job to another. But I would make the most of your time in Melbourne. There are tribal meet-up groups where you can meet people with similar interests. Maybe travel interstate while you're there. Then if you're really still unhappy, talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. Perth is actually lovely. You could do better, you could do worse than visiting Lou in Perth. Okay. I never went to Perth. Laura says, suggest to your girlfriend that you move somewhere else. She's already done it so successfully. Hong Kong, anyone? Yeah. So say that you'd like to go somewhere new every year or two.
31:02Maria McErlane:If you find somewhere perfect for the two of you, then stay there. Wow. Greg, it is a dilemma and hopefully things get easy for you and you start to enjoy Melbourne or, I don't know, you move back here. Yeah, I think you have to try a little bit harder. See what else is on offer job-wise and also tribe-wise. And if you are listening to this and you're grappling with a similar sort of dilemma, then get in touch. wangingon at listen.co.uk. It's as simple as that. We'd love to hear from them. We'd love to hear from them. Become a wanger. That email address is also where you send your Am I Weirds, which we round off the show with.
31:38So who's it from today?
31:39Maria McErlane:This one is from James in Dis. Do you know where Dis is? Dr. Dis. Yeah, Dis is in Norfolk. Okay, James in Dis. There's a Dis Street in Hackney. Is there? Yeah. I like the word Dis. Yeah. Hi, Graham and Maria. I live on this street. Shush. Hi, Graham. I live on that street. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I brush my teeth with hot water? Give it a try. Not steaming hot. Just get it a little hotter than lukewarm. It helps me feel all cosy when I'm getting ready for bed. In the morning, not so much. Well, I don't think that's weird at all because I brush my teeth in hot water too. Oh, do you?
32:18Maria McErlane:Yeah. See, am I mad? It doesn't start hot. I thought the hot water, you weren't supposed to drink it because it was in a weird tank that you're only supposed to drink the cold water. Yeah, but you don't drink your toothbrush water. Some of it's bound to go down there. No, no, in the same way that you don't drink seawater. Do you have a dental dam or something in when you're brushing your teeth? No, I'm just quite good at spitting. Oh, okay. You knew that.
32:42Maria McErlane:Really, Maria? You've said it now. Really? We're clipping that up. No, I quite like, no, I'm with you on this one, James, in diss. I'm not dissing you for this because, yeah, Yeah, warm water. Somehow you feel like getting it cleaner. No, I think warm water helps germs live and thrive. Okay. I think there's some sort of germ disco now going on in his mouth. Because he's used warm water. It's really interesting that we're so different, isn't it? Yeah, it's really... It's like yin and yang. And I've really thought about this as well. I've really... You've thought about it in the last 20 seconds.
33:14I really have thought about it. And I'm going, you're weird. No, you're not weird.
33:17Maria McErlane:No, no, I think, try it. I'm with you. Try everything once. Because when I'm abroad, and I sometimes, you know, sometimes it isn't so clear, Maria. It's not so clear. And I'll accidentally put my toothbrush under the hot tap and I do think, ugh, that's horrible. Do you? Yeah. I mean, it sounds like you are really holding on to all those things that the Brits have abroad, which is don't drink the water. I mean, I specifically drink the water. Wow. Yeah. I like to live on the edge, Graham. All you eat is street food. Mystery meat fried up on a dustbin lid. Yes. Wait a minute, it's four on one floor, don't worry.
33:55That's fine. That's for me. Ideal.
33:58Maria McErlane:I'll have that one. Can I get a discount? So we're kind of saying you're not weird. You're not weird. I don't understand it, but you're not weird. Try it. Okay. No, I've tried it by accident and I didn't like it. Especially brushing your tongue. Hot water is very good for brushing. Do you brush your tongue? No, I don't. I know you're supposed to. People have those weird metal things. You don't need one. You just need a toothbrush. Except you do put the toothbrush back too far. Oh, gag reflex. But then I always feel I've woken up. Wow. Wow. I'm telling you too much. You really are. But luckily, we've reached the end of this edition of Wanging On.
34:39Thanks to Greg and Sarah for submitting their problems for advice. And thanks to everyone who contributed with advice, the wangers.
34:46Maria McErlane:But we're not experts. Do remember that. And if you need proper help, you should seek it out from proper people. We're not proper people. There's more information on our Instagram at wangingon. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production, and we shall return next week with more problems. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
35:09This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Class is now in session, and the UPS Store is here to help you ace arriving on campus. our certified packing experts can pack everything you need from desktops to decor plus when you pack and ship with us you get our exclusive pack and ship guarantee your items arrive safe or your money back restrictions and limitations apply to get a 20 off packing coupon and for full details visit the upsstore.com slash packing
36:11i'm not giving up i am selling the building The final season of FX is the bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be okay. No, or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned, but we have each other. FX is the bear. The final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney plus.
From the publisher
Who should pay when someone's dog poos all over your expensive rug? Plus Graham gets forgetful about the book blurbs he's written, and we have a listener who regrets their move down under... It's all in your weekly fix of Wanging On, where Maria also shares a bit too much information about her gag reflexes...
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Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label.
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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Chapters:
00:00 Coming Up
00:52 Writing Books and Blurbs
05:48 Doggy Doo on the Rug...
16:33 Stuck Down Under?
26:46 Hot Water Teeth Brushing
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