Graham Gave a Stranger £100… Then Regretted It

7:15Maria McErlane:Oh, Tom.

7:18Graham Norton:Maria, inevitably, somebody's going to have a problem. We're going to have to deal with it. We're going to do that very soon. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app to bank, borrow, and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow-up with the SoFi high-yield savings account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash Spotify. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC. Terms apply.

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8:28Graham Norton:Maria, Maria, how do wangers get these episodes as soon as they drop?

8:32Maria McErlane:Oh, well, you see, Graham, you can tap follow on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube or your podcast app of choice. Totally free. Plus on Spotify, you can tap the little bell icon and then you get notified when a new episode drops.

8:49Graham Norton:They really have thought of everything. What a world, Maria.

8:51Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.

8:54Graham Norton:The first letter.

8:56Maria McErlane:Hooray, I can't wait.

8:57Graham Norton:Oh, it's in the air.

8:58Maria McErlane:Everything's possible now. Everything's possible. So hard faking this enthusiasm. No, I'm not. Dear Graham and Maria, a friend of mine, 32, recently told me, 36, that she will soon book to have her boobs done. When she first told me of this idea over a year ago, I emphatically told her not to do it, thinking that she wasn't serious about it. However, she's now also talking about plastic surgery on her nose. The thing is, the thought of her going through with the surgery makes me legitimately devastated for her. She has a stunning face with beautiful features and her nose looks perfect on her face.

9:35Maria McErlane:Best place for it really, isn't it? She's a beautiful woman who takes care of herself and also uses other non-surgical treatments, so she is no stranger to aesthetic procedures. When she told me about her wanting to get a nose job last week, I found myself staying mute as I couldn't figure out what to say without it coming out wrong. A part of me wants to plead with her to not go through with it, but the other part of me thinks she should be able to do whatever she wishes to her own body. Would love your thoughts on this. Absolutely adore the podcast. Never stop. And that's from Jojo in Sydney.

10:11Maria McErlane:Oh, Jojo. Keep your wonky nose out of her business.

10:16Graham Norton:Keep your ugly, ill-formed nose out of her business. I mean, it's... Okay, Jojo, I would say, here's the thing. She told you she was getting a boob job over a year ago. Boobs have not been touched.

10:29Maria McErlane:I think she's done it.

10:31Graham Norton:I think she's just coming up with a shopping list of things she'd like to have done. You know, and people do, you know, we all talk about what we'd like to have done, but then don't do it. So Jojo, your friend, may never touch herself. But also, if she does, you're quite right, Jojo, it is her decision. And here's the thing, when she does it, no matter what she looks like, you'll go, wow, you look great.

10:54Maria McErlane:Yeah, because that is the right response.

10:55Graham Norton:And it becomes weirdly true. You know, everyone in LA is telling each other they all look great, whereas actually someone should just step in and go, you all look like you've escaped a hotel fire.

11:12Graham Norton:But nobody says that.

11:13Maria McErlane:Well, I think you said the other day, you made a quote the other day, I can't remember who you were talking about, looks like some skin has been stretched over a light bulb.

11:19Graham Norton:Yeah, that's true.

11:20Maria McErlane:That's a really good image to have in your mind.

11:23Graham Norton:The Instagram filters can't go too far.

11:24Maria McErlane:But I do also think that once you go down the plastic surgery route, then it's quite hard to stop. It's a bit like having tattoos. It's addictive. So you think, I'm really pleased with my new bosoms. Now I'll have my nose done. And then after that, you know, because you can't heal yourself. Whatever you do to the exterior, you are still the same person inside. And quite often people think that fixing the outside, as they see it, will somehow fix the unhappiness inside. And it doesn't. It doesn't.

11:53Graham Norton:No, and it is kind of weird. You know, you look at someone like Katie Price, who was so beautiful, this gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous girl, and yet she felt, you know, you could tell. I remember I interviewed her when she was about 18 or something, 18 or 19, and it was the son had done some poll or something, you know, should she stay natural or have her boobs done. Oh, I remember, yes. And she wanted to have her boobs done, and they went, And the reader said, oh, she shouldn't. And so they said, okay, if you get your boobs done, you'll never be a page three girl again. But she wanted to get them done, so she did.

12:31Graham Norton:And I remember meeting her and her mom backstage and her mom just going, oh, you know, Katie, just stop talking about them. Stop talking about your boobs. And she was just going, but I love them.

12:42Maria McErlane:I feel any good aesthetician should actually say to her, no, I'm not going to do anymore.

12:49Graham Norton:But I think the problem is doctors don't say that because they know if they say no, you're just going to go next door and go, well, you do it. So they might as well get the money. Well, that's horrible. It is horrible, but I think it's a kind of the reality of that industry is you at least if you think you're a good doctor, then you're a good surgeon doing some work. Whereas, you know, the next door guy might just be a quack who's going to do an even worse, more of a botched job.

13:17Maria McErlane:I think to have some sort of moral principle as a plastic surgeon, you should actually be able to say to people, I'm not going to do this because your whatever is perfectly nice. But you're right. They will just go somewhere else. Shall we see what the wang is?

13:32Graham Norton:I feel like we just started talking about plastic surgery. We didn't really advise Jojo. I think Jojo, you've just got to let your friend do what she's going to do and hope she doesn't. I suspect the friend isn't going to do any of this. I think she's talking the talk, but isn't actually going to go through.

13:45Maria McErlane:And also, Jojo, when you say things like the thought of her going through the surgery makes me legitimately devastated, don't be. It's her life, not yours.

13:54Graham Norton:Except here's the thing. I think going under a surgeon's knife when you don't need to is such a high-risk thing to do. There's so many things that can go wrong, you know, like post-operative infections, you know, all general anesthetic. You know, don't get them willy-nilly. They're a big thing. They're very cheap willy-nilly, though. Yeah.

14:18Maria McErlane:Do you go buy a willy-nilly to get things done?

14:21Graham Norton:Quite cheap. Yeah. I got it done at willy-nillies. See? Nice.

14:28Maria McErlane:Luigi at willy-nilly. Very, very good. Yeah. I'm pleased with it. He used to do ice cream, you know? Okay, Dave in Brighton says, If we could only see ourselves as others see us, Nothing you say to your friend will suddenly make her feel so amazing about herself that she'll stop messing around. She wants support and enthusiasm from you. That's what friends are for. Despite the dangers and the cost, she's going to do it anyway. At least when it's done, you can use your best acting skills fawning over her swollen face and nawks. Nawks is a good word.

15:03Graham Norton:I don't, see, I think, you know, wants support and enthusiasm. I don't think you need to encourage her.

15:09Maria McErlane:No, once she's had it done.

15:11Graham Norton:But no, but if you're saying enthusiasm and support, that sounds like, you know, oh, yes, you should really do that. You know, no.

15:19Maria McErlane:What about just saying, yeah, it looks good, but don't have anything else done.

15:23Graham Norton:That's good. Yeah. And also, you know, the trouble is, there's nothing you can say that will make her feel amazing. The only thing that will make her feel amazing is when she sees a picture of what she looked like before and what she looks like now. And she'll go, oh, God, why did I ever mess with it? because now I've got this weird thing on my head. You know, we just be. Are we talking about a nose? Yeah, nose. Yeah. Suddenly it's just two funny little nostrils, like a kind of alien.

15:50Maria McErlane:Underneath her eyes. Sheila says, I've been in this situation with a friend for the past 30 years. And while it's very frustrating, you cannot say anything because she will indeed do as she likes. In my own situation, I did not take my own advice recently when after countless procedures, my friend told me she was going to have her lips done. Don't was my advice. She did it anyway, and it actually looks fine. She was older than I was when her cosmetic surgery journey started, but I'm now a grey-haired old hag, and she's a geriatric bratstoll. In the words of Dustin Anderson, we like him, you can look old or you can look weird, but you can't look young.

16:35Maria McErlane:You already did that, and that part's over.

16:38Graham Norton:It's so true. You just look differently old. You know, you look like an LA 80 rather than a, you know, nature's 80. Yeah. But he's absolutely right. You do not look young. I mean, I think that's the truth.

16:49Maria McErlane:You can't look young. You've already done that. You've been there. You've had that bit, and now you're into another bit.

16:57Graham Norton:Yeah.

16:58Maria McErlane:It's very hard, I think, for women who are extremely beautiful to kind of lose that. Because if you've spent your whole kind of young life with people going, you are so beautiful, you are so amazing, you this, that, and the other, and then it's not there anymore, I think it's really hard. That's why I'm quite glad to be average.

17:16Graham Norton:Oh, stop it now. Shut up! Stop it now. Okay, we've got more things. The great thing Cher says, the thing she hates about aging, is when people tell her, you look fantastic. Brackets for your age. Silently in brackets, it's for your age. and she hates that. And that's what Dustin's saying. That thing is like, when you're young, there are no brackets. People just say, you look fantastic and you do because it's just pure fantasy. There's no qualification on it. And once you get past a certain age, there will always be a qualification. You look good.

17:51Maria McErlane:But also Cher's going to get that because she's Cher. You look amazing. And also,

17:54Graham Norton:she works really hard. I mean, people think she's had lots of plastic surgery. I'm sure she's had things done. But she also works incredibly hard, you know, So on her body, keeping fit, working out. You know, she sweats to look like that.

18:06Maria McErlane:Wendy says, maybe your friend is struggling with confidence. I wouldn't say much about the operation specifically, but drop in a compliment here and there. Don't make it obvious and avoid boobs and face. Your knees are looking lovely today.

18:21Graham Norton:Yeah, back of your neck. Ooh, fine.

18:24Maria McErlane:Just say things like, your hair looks nice today, or I love that top. It might just give her the boost she needs. No, it won't.

18:32Graham Norton:It won't give her the boost she needs to not have an operation. No, no.

18:36Maria McErlane:Just because you've said you like her top. Nicola in Suffolk says, As women, we are constantly bombarded with perfect images on social media, television and magazines, etc. We are almost brainwashed into believing that any signs of ageing must immediately be obliterated from our faces. And only one type of nose is pretty. Only full lips are pretty, etc. That is just not true. Our unique looks are what make us different and interesting. I think I would try and have a chat with her and point out, as you've said, that she's lovely just as she is. And then afterwards, you can leave her to make up her own mind with a clear conscience.

19:14Graham Norton:You know what I often think? People who are photographed a lot, particularly actors and things, because they're photographed a lot, now because of all the photoshopping and the filters and everything, I think they must start to believe that's what they look like. If you're constantly seeing photographs of yourself looking great, you must just think every time you look in a mirror, God, the lighting's terrible in here. This is really bad. I must never look in this mirror again. And you know what I mean? It becomes an altered...

19:42Maria McErlane:Well, that is the problem with filters, isn't it? You think that that's a reality, but then you do have to look in the mirror. And part of you has to go, this is how I really look. I mean, I'm furious that they don't put filters on me for this. They do. Oh.

19:58Graham Norton:Hello, is that the plastic surgeon? Yeah, this is about two weeks in the edit. No, I think, I feel, don't you see, particularly women with lip fillers, I feel like there must be some really cheap botch job lip fillers going on. And you see women during the day sometimes not wearing full face makeup. And you see it raw. And you're like, oh, my God, it looks ghastly. But you realize they're never seeing that because they're then doing selfies. Yeah, yeah. With the filters, with the makeup. Putting your face in the right way.

20:32Maria McErlane:Yeah.

20:33Graham Norton:Angling it just right so it just looks like a big sexy pout, you know, rather than some dog food smoothed across your face.

20:39Maria McErlane:I do remember when I worked at the Sunday Times, they sent me to Dr. Seabag to have some lip filler. This was in the olden days, before it was like all the Raj. Oh, yeah. And so I said, oh, God, that was part of my job. And so I went. Can I just say, as part of your job,

21:00Graham Norton:that sounds like making a beagle smoke. I mean, it's not like. I had to cover that too. Yes.

21:07Maria McErlane:That's why I have a 40-a-day habit now.

21:09Graham Norton:And that kennel was not comfortable.

21:12Maria McErlane:No, but I had some lip filler put into my right-hand side. Only a tiny bit. One side? One side.

21:19Graham Norton:To give you a kind of Elvis snarl.

21:21Maria McErlane:No, it was so ouchy. I said, that's enough. I don't want the other side done. I don't want the other side done. And he said, no, I can't let you leave without doing the other side. And I said, you can't really see it anyway. You couldn't really see it anyway. And so I left. Wow.

21:37Graham Norton:Could you feel it?

21:38Maria McErlane:I could feel it, but it didn't last very long. I think he, because I'd said, I'm writing about this, I don't want a big change. I don't really want to see it. And so he only put a little bit in. But all the nerve endings around your mouth are so sensitive. You never think about that.

21:55Graham Norton:Because you always think, because so many people have it done, you think it must be easy. Tell me this, in your article.

21:59Maria McErlane:Tell me this and tell me no more.

22:01Graham Norton:In your article, did you go, fuck me, that was sore, never do it?

22:04Maria McErlane:Yeah, I said it was too sore for me. But apparently some people don't have those nerve endings. My lips are very sensitive.

22:11Graham Norton:Of course they are. Yeah, that's what everyone says.

22:14Maria McErlane:That's what I'm told anyway. I'm my clients. Mainly happy and satisfied.

22:19Graham Norton:Jojo, I'm sure lots of listeners and viewers will find this one very relatable. So get into the comment section and tell us what you think. What would you do if you were in Jojo's situation and trying to advise a friend? Meanwhile, Maria McCurlin will prepare another envelope opening next. Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out.

23:00Graham Norton:Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.

23:04Maria McErlane:Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.

23:09Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest. It's time to achieve your financial ambitions. Earn more on your savings with a SoFi Bank high-yield savings account. Ditch your higher interest credit card debt with a SoFi personal loan, or start investing on an easy-to-use platform with SoFi Invest. Wherever you are on your financial journey, SoFi has got you covered. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify.

23:39Graham Norton:We're back and Maria's got a letter.

23:42Maria McErlane:I've got my lips.

23:49Graham Norton:If people are just listening to this, they'll be like, what has she done?

23:56Maria McErlane:I just showed him my lips in a sort of... Mouth lips. Mouth lips, yeah.

24:09Graham Norton:That'll get them to YouTube.

24:14Maria McErlane:You say mouthlips. You've never seen a lady's parts. Dear Graham and Maria, remember when that Coldplay kiss cam video of the CEO and the HR went viral? Well, we have the exact same situation at my workplace. Our CEO and HR head are having an affair.

24:34Graham Norton:That's you. That wasn't even the person writing in.

24:37Maria McErlane:What? What wasn't the person laughing? Yeah, head. Yeah, I laughed at head. Our CEO and head of HR, there we are, are having an affair, and it's an open secret within the company. The problem is, is that the HR head, why do we keep saying that, uses this fact to throw her weight around when it comes to matters that are decidedly not HR related. Say we have a proposal she doesn't agree with. All she has to do is whisper into the CEO's ear during a meeting and all our hard work goes down the toilet. Everyone is afraid to cross her because they know it's career suicide. Do we just have to accept this reign of terror or is there any way we can work around this?

25:24Maria McErlane:Other than this, the company culture isn't bad enough for me to leave, but it's certainly a hindrance. Sincerely disgruntled corporate slave.

25:35Graham Norton:I mean, it's thorny. But because they're having an affair... It's not going to last, is it? Well, it's not going to last, but also, I feel like the employees hold more cards than they seem to...

25:50Maria McErlane:Well, yes, because they could whistleblow at any moment. They're keeping the secret. Yeah.

25:55Graham Norton:And I feel like, you know, if you do, you know, don't whistleblow. No, of course not. But maybe make a little tiny whistling sound that might make them nervous about what's going to happen.

26:07Maria McErlane:Give me an example of that tiny whistling sound.

26:09Graham Norton:When the boss's wife comes in, whisker into HR and go, Have you met Cheryl? Cheryl, this is so-and-so's wife. It's his wife. Look, it's his wife. You met Beryl? Beryl's his head of heads.

26:31Maria McErlane:She's very good at it, apparently. She's the head of head. Well, when you say that's just a small whistle, I would say that's a massive great bellow, frankly.

26:48Graham Norton:Yes, I may have gone too far there. I may have ruined it for everyone.

26:54Maria McErlane:But yes, I mean, maybe they want to be found out. If everybody in the company knows this, and they both have partners, My feeling is it's going to blow over. Sorry to use that word, blow.

27:09Graham Norton:Yes, I don't think it's going to last. But meanwhile, it's horrible. It is horrible that you all know what's going on. You can't mention it. And yet this HR woman is kind of abusing her position and the CEO is not doing anything about it.

27:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, I mean, they're both really playing into the how not to behave sort of rule book, aren't they? If you're the CEO, you do not have an affair with the head of HR. That's kind of like, you know. And I think what you could do is go to the CEO when, you know, the queen of head is not there and say it's very difficult because, you know, we all know what's going on and we're not being able to get our ideas through because she's putting a dampener on them. I mean, I think that's a fair thing. I'm not sure he's going to fire you.

27:59Graham Norton:Well, he's not going to love it.

28:00Maria McErlane:Not going to love it, but, you know, otherwise nothing is getting through because she's vetoing every suggestion people are making in proposals, et cetera, et cetera. I don't know what the company does.

28:11Graham Norton:Well, isn't it, I think also there's a kind of a jealousy because this woman is now in a position they'd all like to be in where they have the ear of the CEO and, you know, he just...

28:20Maria McErlane:To have the ear of the CEO, you've got to have another organ as well, though, haven't you?

28:24Graham Norton:Yeah, that's a lot of CEO.

28:26Maria McErlane:I draw the line at that, frankly.

28:30Graham Norton:But also, what an old fool that CEO is. What a moron. Yeah. But, you know, there you go. I think disgruntled corporate slave, things that are at work aren't bad enough for you to leave. So I think you do have to just suck it up. Yeah. And just this is the situation you're in right now. It's annoying. And also, here's the thing I think disgruntled corporate slave should do, is careless. If she wants to mess up the office...

29:00Maria McErlane:But if your proposals aren't getting through...

29:02Graham Norton:Oh, who gives a shit? Oh, well, people who work in offices do. No, but they pay me to sit at this desk and come up with a proposal. Then we didn't do it. Big, fat, hairy deal. Who cares?

29:12Maria McErlane:Graham, some people take pride in their work.

29:15Graham Norton:Name one.

29:18Maria McErlane:What about this as an idea? The whole office who... Because it's, you know, an open secret. Yes. You get together, you write a collective letter saying, you know, we're not happy with this, we think it's unprofessional, we're having difficulty getting our proposals heard or okayed. And everyone signs it. He's not going to sack everyone. Ooh. Come on.

29:39Graham Norton:But then they'll find out who was the ringleader and they'll discover it was a disgruntled corporate slave and they'll be out on their ear. Yeah. Oh, what you could do is also, the good thing would be to send that letter to the head of HR.

29:53Maria McErlane:To his wife.

29:54Graham Norton:No, to the head of HR. To kind of go, can you help us with our problem?

29:59Maria McErlane:No, you send the letter and you say, I'm following company guidelines here by sending this to you, CEO. But I'm also, as per company guidelines, sending it to human resources.

30:10Graham Norton:Yeah.

30:10Maria McErlane:Okay. Bye. Bye. Thanks. Let's see what the wangers have to say.

30:15Graham Norton:Well, who probably worked in offices and had affairs.

30:17Maria McErlane:Yeah, I feel you're not really qualified to answer this.

30:20Graham Norton:Or you.

30:21Maria McErlane:Or me. Or indeed any problem.

30:25Graham Norton:Are we not experts? No. Someone should warn us about that.

30:29Maria McErlane:I'm going to HR. Jess in Sligo says, Coldplay are insufferably boring and so is this problem. Wow.

30:40Graham Norton:Finally, somebody said it.

30:43Maria McErlane:We've been beating around the bush for hours. The reign of terror that is merely a hindrance. Oh, come on. Maybe get your beak out of your colleague's sex lives and stick it into your own work, and it might not end up in the toilet. Well, Jess in Sligo has not sat on the fence.

31:03Graham Norton:No, I believe she works in HR. Tracy not only lives in Johannesburg, but has been in touch.

31:09Maria McErlane:This is a massive breach of ethics. But unfortunately, there's not much you can do. as the two people with the most power are having their fear. There's probably some kind of third-party ethics hotline, but if you still enjoy working there, you'll have to accept this reign of terror, as you call it. Hopefully this cliched relationship has a cliched ending and blows up in their faces.

31:33Graham Norton:Blows up in their faces. I understood that bit.

31:35Maria McErlane:Yeah. I like the idea of a third-party hotline. Hello, is that the third-party hotline? Yeah, I think, you know, sucking it up is what people seem to be saying. But B in Derbyshire says, I would say go to HR, but since the fox is in the hen house, you have three alternative options. Option one. Oh, I love the options.

31:55Graham Norton:B in Derbyshire. B, named after the plan. Yeah, she could have gone A or B, but she's chosen to call it one and two.

32:04Maria McErlane:Yes. Option one, be a whistleblower. They are both abusing power, and you can report this anonymously to the relevant ombudsman. Now we're getting the ombudsman involved.

32:14Graham Norton:Finally, an ombudsman's showing up.

32:17Maria McErlane:Option two, contact someone else high up in the company, like the COO or owner. But this, I don't know what a COO is.

32:26Graham Norton:We're like Labradors listening to people talk.

32:29Maria McErlane:What is a COO? Chairman of?

32:34Graham Norton:Organization.

32:35Maria McErlane:Chairman of orgasms.

32:38Graham Norton:Head of head.

32:39Maria McErlane:What is a COO? Oh, hire them in the company like the COO or owner, chief operating officer.

32:47Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, there's probably one of those.

32:49Maria McErlane:But this could be a risky strategy, as you will be known as the person who rocked the boat. Option three, tell their spouses. You can do this anonymously or get a friend to do it for you, but I can guarantee that even without evidence, the accusation will be enough to raise questions. for maximum effect, you could do all three.

33:09Graham Norton:Oh, be in Derbyshire. I think you, if you do any of those, you're leaving.

33:15Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah.

33:16Graham Norton:Because there's no coming back from any of it and you will never be forgiven.

33:20Maria McErlane:You are signing your own death warrant.

33:22Graham Norton:They will find out who blew the whistle and it'll be you and that's it.

33:26Maria McErlane:Jeff in Clarkson, Michigan says, leave. You say, other than this, the company culture isn't bad enough to leave. But then there is this. This is happening at the top level of your company and it's affecting everyone's work. It is only a matter of time until it affects your salary and advancement. There is a reason this type of fraternization is not permitted in the workplace. And you specifically described it in your letter. That is a giant red flag. Does the company make red flags?

33:58Maria McErlane:Quietly find a new place of employment and look back in fond memory at what the team has done. You know what?

34:05Graham Norton:Jeff's right.

34:06Maria McErlane:He is right. But, you know, finding another job just because a stupid CEO can't keep it in his pants.

34:13Graham Norton:Yeah, but that's the company you work for.

34:15Maria McErlane:Yeah, that is the company you work for.

34:16Graham Norton:You know, that's the head of HR. It's the CEO. And they're having an affair. I think, you know what? If you either don't care, but if you care, get out. Because it's never going to get better, really. Because even if this affair ends, something else on professional is going to happen. And clearly, you know, it's not a good working environment.

34:36Maria McErlane:And if you are going to leave, which we seem to be airing on that side, you can leave a message saying, I think everybody is very unprofessionalist in this company. And it starts at the top. Yeah. And in HR. Goodbye.

34:48Graham Norton:Corporate slaves, a few options there for you. I hope there's something to help you. If you've got a dilemma to share, you can email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. That is also the address, coincidentally, Oh, yeah. Where you send your Am I Weird? Am I Weird? Oh, the anticipation. Right, what have you got?

35:10Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird is an anonymous submission. That's quite hard to say, you know, anonymous submission.

35:16Graham Norton:It's also, I feel, a bad sign if people aren't even giving a fake name.

35:22Maria McErlane:Yeah, today's Am I Weird is an anonymous submission. Hi, Graham and Maria. Every so often, I will lure my boyfriend into the bathroom. Excuses vary from, eek, there's a spider, get it out. Or, the toilet is leaking, quick. I then lock the door, strip naked and get in the shower. He is then trapped and has to be my shower entertainment. Sometimes I request an interpretive dance. Or there's even been a Dragon's Den style interview where he's trying to sell me various bathroom items and I'm Peter Jones. This was all fun and games until the other day. He lured me in and now I was the little man and he was Deborah Meaden.

36:04Maria McErlane:Sometimes music in the shower just isn't enough and I need live entertainment. Am I weird? I don't think you're weird. I think your boyfriend is weird for staying there. Yeah. He can unlock the door and leave.

36:18Graham Norton:And dump you.

36:20Maria McErlane:Graham has taken again you. It's been a while since he's taken again someone, but today... Oh, that's... Is the day.

36:27Graham Norton:No one's got time for this. No one has time for this. I'm entertaining you while you wash yourself. I mean, if you're having sex in the shower, that's one thing.

36:36Maria McErlane:Maybe it leads to that.

36:37Graham Norton:Oh, really? Suddenly I'm Peter Jones and I'm... Oh, Deborah Meaden. Oh, yeah. And for that reason, I'm out and in and out and in. Hey!

36:56Graham Norton:I mean, you are annoying. There, I'll say. Not weird, annoying. That's my verdict.

37:02Maria McErlane:I just feel that this is a little sex game you play that shouldn't really be shared with anyone. But it's a sex game with no sex in it. Well, we don't know what it leads to. Singledom. We don't know. and I don't really care what it leads to either. So are you saying weird or not weird?

37:20Graham Norton:I'm saying annoying.

37:21Maria McErlane:I'm saying annoying too.

37:23Graham Norton:Okay, you're not weird, you're annoying. There. Glad you wrote in now.

37:28Maria McErlane:It could have been worse. But maybe she wanted to be weird.

37:32Graham Norton:I don't know.

37:33Maria McErlane:If you want to be weird, you can be. But no, be weirder if you want to be weird.

37:37Graham Norton:Yes, be weirder.

37:38Maria McErlane:That's my advice to everybody. If you want to be weird, be really weird.

37:42Graham Norton:So how stupid is the boyfriend? I mean, fool me once. There's a spider. Oh, Christ, now she's naked and I have to be Peter Jones for 20 minutes.

37:52Maria McErlane:If I was the boyfriend, I would just go, oh, not this again. Shut up.

37:57Graham Norton:Put your clothes on. I'm busy. Tipping points on.

38:03Maria McErlane:Home's under the hammer.

38:05Graham Norton:Well, we leave Anonymous for another bathroom performance. As we all say goodbye, because it's over, this episode. Done. Hooray! Remember no... I didn't mean that quite so enthusiastically. Taxi for Maria.

38:21Maria McErlane:Do remember that no expertise whatsoever has been used up in the making of this podcast. If you have any real problems, please go to the proper channels and you should seek it out on our Instagram, which is at wangingon.

38:36Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graham Maria is a platform media production and we will be back next week. Bye-bye.

38:48I see you.

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