Graham reveals all about Taylor Swift's Opalite Music Video!!!

6:24Graham Norton:None of your business.

6:27Maria McErlane:That was not the answer I was expecting.

6:29Graham Norton:Oh really? What were you expecting? No. Oh.

6:31Maria McErlane:But that might be similar.

6:33Graham Norton:It might be similar. We'll see.

6:35Maria McErlane:Will you let me know next week?

6:36Graham Norton:I'll let you know next week. You so won't. Maria, I think that's quite enough lovey-dovey talk for now. Now, what the people want are some good heart dilemmas, and we have them. When you want your spring break to feel like... And your kid's pool day to feel like... And your hotel bed to feel like... And room service to feel like... Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like... Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels? It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton, for this day.

7:37Graham Norton:jokes. R.J. Decker, series premiere, Tuesdays on ABC and stream on Hulu. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtual Up, the latest in a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense, and taste in every single cup. With a three-second start, easy open lever, and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo up exclusively at Nespresso.com. Next.

8:16Graham Norton:Right, before we get to dilemmas, Maria, I've been keeping a secret. As we record this, we have just watched the video of Opalite by Taylor Swift. Oh no, it's killed her. The shock and disappointment has killed her. the bitter jealousy of not being asked to be in the video has proved too much for her I like the way Raffi just ran away he went oh that one's dead

8:45Maria McErlane:I'll hide over here she's doing some showing off I have literally just watched it my mind is blown because it came from let's just go it came from when she was on your show I know

8:57Graham Norton:so and what's amazing so we filmed this back in I think I did my bits kind of end of November or something. And I just go, please, please release the video so I can tell someone I did this.

9:09Maria McErlane:I mean, she is so careful about secrecy, isn't she? So all of this, it's got, let's just go, it's got Dominic Gleeson, it's got everybody that was on your sofa. Yeah, Donald Gleeson. Donald Gleeson. So tell us who was on your sofa that night.

9:22Graham Norton:So basically, okay, I'll tell you what happened. So I got contacted by Taylor and Taylor's people and they wanted to discuss, I think they wanted to discuss something and I was like, I wonder what that's about. And then something about the music video and I thought, oh, what's that? And then I got through the thing and it was like the whole thing came to her in a blinding flash on the sofa.

9:49Maria McErlane:Which you see in the video. Yeah, at the end,

9:50Graham Norton:if you stay to the end of the video, you see her get the idea. And it was, so she was on the show with Cillian Murphy, Donald Gleeson, Greta Lee, Jodie Turner-Smith and Lewis Capaldi. And Donald Gleeson said something about his dancing and he said, oh, I'm hoping to be in the next Taylor Swift video. And you see her little eyes go, ba-doing, little light bulb moment. And the next thing you know, she's written this whole treatment and we're all in it. And everyone was available. Everyone agreed to do it. And it's very clever of her

10:21Maria McErlane:because it is very mixed multimedia, isn't it? It's like a chat show becomes that and this is all included and everyone that was on the sofa is in it. So where did you film it? Are you allowed to say?

10:32Graham Norton:I think I'm allowed to say. I filmed, well, you know, for my big showbiz break, a chauffeured car whisked me to Croydon.

10:40Maria McErlane:Croydon! You know how to live, Graham. Yeah.

10:44Graham Norton:And I hung out in a disused Clark. Actually, it's not disused. Clark's shoe shop was where we kind of hung out because it was in a shopping centre in Croydon. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, the escalator up and down is Croydon stuff. And I think I'm not sure. Taylor and her team everybody were here for a few days and I think they filmed most of it here and then bits of it in America and also you know that thing what thing well when you talk to pop music people or sometimes actresses and things and they say oh yeah I directed that well she did direct it and you think did you did you really or were you just there but Taylor Taylor, I cannot tell you, Taylor properly, she wrote this, it's her script.

11:30Graham Norton:So does she have a storyboard and everything? It's all storyboarded and she properly directs it.

11:35Maria McErlane:What's she like as a director?

11:37Graham Norton:Marvellous. I mean, you have to say that. Can you see the performance she got out of me? I mean, I didn't think I had that in me. What a camp man.

11:51Maria McErlane:Spraying a bottle. Oh, and I, this, I shouldn't say it.

11:55Graham Norton:I nicked my bottle of Nopalite. Did you? I have it at home. And here's the thing. We got a new cleaner, right? So I had the bottle of Nopalite in my office. And we got a new cleaner. And phew, when I come home, I found the empty bottle of Nopalite in the bin. No! Because she thought, well, this is just an empty bottle of cleaner and chucked it out.

12:21Maria McErlane:That's like throwing away precious artwork. I know, I was like, no, polite. So were there any upsets on set? Did anyone cause a scene?

12:32Graham Norton:No, no, no. Everyone was lovely. It was a really, really fun experience. And, you know, in the bit that I was doing in the shopping center, you know, there were lots of extras and things. And you just thought, oh, word is going to leak out that this is happening. And it hasn't. Or that people, and I think there was some sort of online thing that Donal was doing something with Taylor. But no one joined all the dots and came up with it's everyone off the Graham Norton show.

12:59Maria McErlane:I certainly read things that she was filming a secret video. Is it Opelite video? In somewhere, some disused shopping center. But that's kind of all that's gone out there. And that is, you know, in today's modern age, that is amazing.

13:12Graham Norton:Yeah, because when you think about all the people involved in this, because it was like a movie shoot. I mean, it was a massive, massive deal. Was Travis there? I didn't know Travis. but her mom and dad her brother you know it's that thing it all comes from her so because she is lovely and so you know she is directing this thing it's a big budget you know that stress could get to you you could get a little touchy but because she didn't and because I don't think she does the atmosphere all day was just lovely how does she do it though

13:44Maria McErlane:how does she keep that equilibrium it is extraordinary

13:48Graham Norton:she wears it so lightly She wears it so lightly and yet it must. Were you nervous? When it comes to it a little bit, because, you know, you don't want to be the person to kind of... Mess it up. Oh, we've got to go again for him. You. You. So, yeah, but it was... The whole thing was lovely. And we met Mandy Moore, you know, not that Mandy Moore. Mandy Moore who does all her choreography. Yes. She was there. I met the woman who, you know, the engagement photograph of Travis. In the garden that he had made up. She was the photographer in the bushes. I met that photographer. She was there. So it's a really tight team.

14:28Maria McErlane:So basically when somebody works for Taylor's, although the photographer did that in the bushes, and Taylor goes, oh, I like you. You're good. Come to London. I'm doing a video. That's the idea.

14:39Graham Norton:I'll now be our official chat show host.

14:42Maria McErlane:Graham, you are going to get movie roles. And also, this is good for your wedding invite Are we allowed to say that? Well, you know

14:51Graham Norton:I haven't been told I'm not invited Maybe talking about this video I'll be off the list

14:56Maria McErlane:No, talking about the video is good But also, you kept this secret since November So I hate you

15:01Graham Norton:But I'm so in awe of myself And I came so close You must have told somebody

15:06Maria McErlane:No, no

15:07Graham Norton:You told your husband No, Jono was there Jono was at the shoot Of course he was But at New Year's Eve I was with a gaggle of gays and I just thought, oh, this is so good. I want to tell them. Surely it'll be out in a minute. Surely I can tell them. But you didn't. No, I mustn't. I mustn't. So I didn't. So apologies to all the people I could have given this juicy bit of gossip to and I didn't. But I am available now and will sing like a canary. Okay, Maria, we keep promising dilemmas.

15:37Maria McErlane:No, we must carry on talking about Taylor. Oh, okay. More Taylor Swift, more Taylor Swift.

15:42Graham Norton:No, dilemmas now. We must wang on and help people. Maria, please grab an envelope and tear it asunder.

15:50Maria McErlane:I will, Graham, I will. Dear Graham and Maria, first of all, I want to say I love your podcast. This is an excellent letter. Yes, this is really good. Thank you.

15:57Graham Norton:Is this the best letter we've ever had?

15:58Maria McErlane:Ever, ever, ever. Now, I have a dilemma and would love to hear yours and the wangers' two cents work. Okay. My partner and I are getting married in the UK later this year. We're an international couple, and so about half the guests will come from abroad. Oh, yes. We're in our 30s, so lots of our invited friends have newborn babies. Yes. When planning our wedding, we envisaged a kid-free wedding, with the exception of our adorable nephews. However, our friends have voiced concerns about this, as they need to travel to the UK for a weekend. They aren't sure if they can leave their babies back home with a grandparent, for example.

16:38Maria McErlane:What do you think we should do? Should we hold ground and stick to our preferred kid-free wedding or should we be accommodating to our friends with kids as they're travelling to the UK for our wedding? And that is from Mick. Now, Mick, my feeling is you made your first mistake with this by saying a kid-free wedding with the exception of our adorable nephews.

17:02Graham Norton:Yes, Mick, that is...

17:04Maria McErlane:You cannot have any exceptions to this rule.

17:06Graham Norton:That is so stupid. I can't believe that no one else has said that. You can't have a kid-free wedding with kids at it. All your friends going, what the fuck? What are those small people?

17:18Maria McErlane:And then Mick says, oh, yeah, but they're adorable. They're our nephews.

17:21Graham Norton:Yeah, they're not like your kids. You're horrible children. No, nephews be gone or it's a kid full zone.

17:30Maria McErlane:I think that's your first mistake, Mick. But the other thing you could do, it sounds like you're not short of a bob or two, international couple as you are, you take a room in this venue and you bring in two Norland nannies or the like and you say, yes, bring your babies, but they will be going in here to watch Miss Rachel or whatever it is that children watch. Miss Piggy. No, who is it? They, I don't know. We don't know because we don't have kids. No. No. Don't even pretend. Don't even pretend.

18:04Graham Norton:Miss Rachel sounds like a porn actress.

18:08Maria McErlane:that's why the kids love her

18:09Graham Norton:oh yeah reminds me of mommy

18:11Maria McErlane:she's very very popular let me tell you that I bet she is so you put the children in that room and everyone else gets drunk and does whatever they want to do

18:20Graham Norton:and also if you're one of those parents who can't bear to be separated you can pop off to that room and see your kid every now you know every half an hour if you want if that's the sort of person you are I think that's a good idea because actually because once you have a bit of space shove all the kids in there you only need a couple of people to look after them. So it won't cost you the earth. And people will feel, oh, good. You know, they're being looked after and all that sort of stuff.

18:45Maria McErlane:Yeah. Because I think a lot of people with children would really love a weekend off of their children. But there's an awful lot of guilt involved in this. And also grandparents and leaving. But most people want to get away from their children and have fun like they used to do before they... Yes.

19:01Graham Norton:But I think the thing is, because people are coming from abroad, I think they feel weird leaving their kid back there only a weekend I know but if anything happened you know you're just very far away I do get it if the plane crashes you mean well no I thought more something would happen to the child but the plane crashes who cares you're dead good luck granny baby oh it's so sad I'm an orphan now all because of Mick's stupid wedding child free if only he'd invited me I'd be dead too

19:37Maria McErlane:I feel we get darker each week and I'm not sure this is a good look

19:43Graham Norton:Mick started it refusing to bury families together I don't know what it did look I think your idea is the one is a big room because you can't stop people bringing their children to Britain you can't be at the border going no there's a height restriction You can't come in. So they are going to bring their kids anyway. And I think on the day, provide a solution.

20:12Maria McErlane:I'm just thinking of those nannies or whoever's going to... What a terrible job that's going to be for them.

20:17Graham Norton:Yes.

20:17Maria McErlane:Well, except that... Well, yeah, maybe they charge... Do they charge extra?

20:21Graham Norton:Or is it just like a flat rate? Once a nanny's in a room, she charges a fee, no matter how many children are in there with her.

20:27Maria McErlane:Do you know, I've never looked into this, Graham.

20:29Graham Norton:Well, I think it's something to... I don't know why. Something to explore.

20:31Maria McErlane:I don't know why. I just think her nanny doing that has to charge quite a lot of money. But Mick's got money.

20:38Graham Norton:I mean, the other problem is, I think, as people get drunk, they'll start kind of going, oh, I'll just bring... Let me bring it in to dance to the Birdie song. Yeah. We know what it is.

20:54Graham Norton:We didn't need the reminder.

20:56Maria McErlane:And then go, look how cute she is.

20:58Graham Norton:Yeah, all of that.

20:59Maria McErlane:Or you do a sort of twofold thing where you say, okay, we're going to have the day where you can bring your children, but the children all have to be gone by seven o 'clock.

21:08Graham Norton:Yeah.

21:08Maria McErlane:When we all, you know, take magic mushrooms and go crazy.

21:12Graham Norton:Of course, yes. Mick is an international couple. The good thing from writing to us, we may not have solved the problem, but at least we've pointed out a giant problem that you cannot, cannot have your adorable nephews at this wedding. No. Because that's just...

21:29Maria McErlane:But you see, I think the adorable nephews being there, I think they're the wife's side, by the way, as well. I think she has made that proviso that the nephews are coming. Maybe they're going to be page boys or something. You see, you can't really have children in any capacity at all. Well, no. Not going up chimneys to clean it, nothing.

21:49Graham Norton:Serving the tables. No children means no children. Well, no. I think you could have a child in a small soup, you know, throwing some petals or something, but then they need to vanish. They cannot be there for the reception.

22:00Maria McErlane:Where do they go? You get a witch drink. They go into the room with this nanny who's charging thousands of pounds.

22:07Graham Norton:It's a thousand pounds a kid.

22:11Maria McErlane:And I finish at midnight.

22:13Graham Norton:Yeah, I leave them unattended at midnight.

22:16Maria McErlane:Up to you.

22:20Graham Norton:They come back covered in soot.

22:24Maria McErlane:So our solution is either have a two-tier wedding where the kids are allowed for a certain amount of time to dance the birdie song and then they must vanish into the nanny room or you put them in the nanny room from the get-go. Yes. But that has to include the nephews, Mick. Soz.

22:39Graham Norton:Yeah. Wangers, I'm sure. This is the sort of thing people love wanging on about because it's a wedding and everyone else's wedding is wrong.

22:48Maria McErlane:Yeah. It's not how I'd have done it. Yeah. No, the mistake they made was... Yeah, having it. Will says, Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants babies at a wedding. Hear, hear. They'll cry at the wrong times. They'll puke all over the place. You'll have to pretend you're delighted to see them. And then after all that, they won't even bring a present. Stick to your guns. No, no, no. The other thing is you've got to feed the little... Yes.

23:16Graham Norton:You know, they'll be sitting on a chair and there'll be a plate and the venue will go, oh, by the way, even though they're not eating that, you know...

23:24Maria McErlane:Yeah, 25 quid a head. Yeah.

23:26Graham Norton:So, you know, it's madness.

23:28Maria McErlane:I think you just put them in a room with a big, one of those water cooler things with loads of sugared water and they just go up. Gomp, gomp, gomp. Gomp, gomp. Yeah. Whenever they're thirsty or hungry.

23:36Graham Norton:And then they start screaming and running into walls.

23:41Maria McErlane:Amanda in Acton-Turville. I have no idea where that is.

23:45Graham Norton:You? I don't want to.

23:46Maria McErlane:No. Okay. She says, I suspect that those guests who now have kids went to plenty of weddings, including their own, where they enjoyed a stress-free time without screaming babies and demanding toddlers. Why should this couple not enjoy the same freedom? If it really is impossible for your guests, how about providing a slightly off-site creche? You said, here's the thing, though. Off-site, I like that.

24:09Graham Norton:But people do get very upset if they're not allowed to bring their children to a wedding.

24:14Maria McErlane:Fine, you don't want them there.

24:16Graham Norton:But I think weirdly upset about it. It's odd.

24:21Maria McErlane:Well, because it's somehow negating their lifestyle choices, that they've had children, but they are not welcome. Because children are meant to always be welcome.

24:29Graham Norton:I mean, I'd like to bring my dog to a wedding, but I understand that I can't. Ali is in Ireland and has sent this voice note. I think that when people have children, especially babies, they become the most important part of their lives. It's your wedding, so if you don't want children to be there, that's totally fair enough. but I think you'll have to recognise that that might mean that it's not feasible for certain people to go to your wedding. A compromise would be to allow children up to a certain point, five o 'clock or whatever, and that would allow one of the parents to go home with the children or for them to get a babysitter for a few hours.

25:09Maria McErlane:All very wise and a very lovely voice from Ali.

25:11Graham Norton:Yes, I wonder though, here's the other thing, what is a child? Like what's the age cut off? You know, can someone come that they're 14. Ah.

25:21Maria McErlane:I think anyone that can't support themselves financially.

25:26Graham Norton:Anyone who can't pay for their own meal.

25:29Maria McErlane:Natalie says, most of your friends with babies won't come to your wedding if they can't bring their young children. And it will likely harm your friendships as well. In 10 years time, what will matter more? Remember, they're doing you a huge favor by spending time and money traveling to your wedding. The least you can do is let them bring the little ones. No! Also, what's with having the adorable nephews there? Are you sure they're not just a cute accessory? Tread very carefully. Natalie is very much my children, my life, isn't she?

26:01Graham Norton:No, but also, people must be able to want... Like, this is not... It's like Mick and his international couple, wife, they are not freaks and weirdos by not wanting children at their wedding. I can't remember who, one of the wangers said, nobody wants babysit weddings. No, no one.

26:18Maria McErlane:Not even the parents. No.

26:20Graham Norton:So I think, you know, we understand that if you're children, you probably have to travel with them. But even actually, you don't want to pay for the plane thing. You know, there's so much expense once you've had these children. Yeah.

26:33Maria McErlane:I think you should have on the invitation, no children, absolutely no children, dogs welcome. Oh, yes.

26:40Graham Norton:That'd be lovely. Yeah.

26:42Maria McErlane:And then just have a room full of dogs going.

26:46Graham Norton:Oh, that'd be great, wouldn't it? There'd be nobody dancing to the Birdie song. They'd all be in there. Best wedding ever. They'd all be in the room with the dogs.

26:55Maria McErlane:I think we have revealed who we are, haven't we, Graham? Childless dog people.

27:01Graham Norton:As ever, we're keen to hear more hot takes on this problem. So if you've got something to add, do add a comment below, either on Spotify or YouTube. Anyway, thanks, Mick, for writing in. if you'd like to share your dilemma, you can email us as well. wanging on at listen.co.uk. We'll have another one up next.

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28:58Maria McErlane:maria yeah do you have an envelope you could open do no i do and i've been i see it's your hand i've I'm dying to open this, Graeme.

29:05Graham Norton:Oh, I know this one looks good, doesn't it?

29:06Maria McErlane:Does it? Yeah. You say that about all the letters, Graeme. Often they're very disappointing. Dear Graeme and Maria, my partner and I bought our first house together a year ago here in Sydney. Oh, yes. When we moved in, our house came with the standard three upright bins with wheels. Red, general waste, yellow, recycling, and green, kitchen organics and garden waste. Oh, I hate the green bin. Riveted? Keep up. We detested the sight of our wall of bins, so we got the council to downsize our ones to smaller versions. Still three bins, but much less dominating.

29:47Graham Norton:Keep going. I love this problem.

29:49Maria McErlane:You love a bin?

29:50Graham Norton:I do.

29:51Maria McErlane:Enter our new neighbours. Ah. Two very nice women, by all accounts, who promptly ordered themselves a whopping new big green bin that along with its sidekicks, you know the colours, now sits pretty much in front of our house and in the middle of the footpath. So now in front of our fence stands the great wall of garbage receptacles, six bins in a row, a red, green and yellow plastic eyesore, a shrine to disposability, and it's ruining my flowering vines and white picket fence aesthetic that we spent no small fortune purchasing. The council, useless. This situation will never change on their account.

30:32Maria McErlane:So what do we do? How do we handle this? Short of lighting a bonfire in the yard and sending a column of noxious black smoke into the sky to burn our waste each week, help. Yours in trash talk, bin laden. Do you see what they did there? Oh, P.S. There's a picture.

30:49Graham Norton:There's a picture.

30:50Maria McErlane:Pick attached for you to get a sense of the mess. We aren't making this up. P.P.S. Sorry to miss you on your trip down under Graham. Please bring Maria and Rafi back and do a wanging on live. Okay.

31:01Graham Norton:All right. This is the picture. So these are the small bins, which look quite big. And then these are the extremely big bins. And that bit of old tree and that tattie shrub is the thing that she's concerned about.

31:14Maria McErlane:The white picket fence aesthetic. Now, there is a white picket fence in the rear.

31:17Graham Norton:There's a bit of ivy.

31:18Maria McErlane:Of the small bins. You see, to me, Graham, because this picture just shows some bins, and I can't see the tiny ones. When she said, you know, we've ordered tiny ones, I thought she meant like a foot.

31:30Graham Norton:Well, they're not tiny. They're smaller. These ones are smaller than these ones. Do you see? They're very big. Those are small.

31:36Maria McErlane:I have to say, Graeme, I'm slightly at a loss here, whether to kill myself now or later.

31:43Graham Norton:The fact that this person is telling us about how useless the council is in Sydney. I mean...

31:50Maria McErlane:I have heard that, though. I have heard that.

31:52Graham Norton:I mean, if you don't want to deal with wheelie bins and things, live in the country. I say that. In Ireland, I still have bins and things, you know, that you've got to wheel out.

32:02Maria McErlane:But in Ireland, this is the interesting thing. I remember having a sort of crisp...

32:06Graham Norton:Is it though? Is it interesting? I'm trying to join in. I'm trying to join in here.

32:11Maria McErlane:You can't put your rubbish anywhere because everyone has locked bins because the bins go on the weight. So you think, oh, I'll just put my rubbish in that bin and it can't open.

32:23Graham Norton:The recycling's free. Recycling's free. and the bin bin you pay for. So it encourages people to put as much as they can in the recycling.

32:32Maria McErlane:But you can't put rubbish like a, you know, crisp packet in a recycling, can you? No.

32:36Graham Norton:No, you can't.

32:37Maria McErlane:So what are you going to do? Put it on the floor? Eat it. Shred it and eat it.

32:43Graham Norton:Yes, put it in a cake.

32:46Maria McErlane:Often tastier than the crisps inside. Tatoes, I believe. No, that is sacrilege. They're wonderful, Tatoes.

32:52Graham Norton:No, but all I would say is wherever you go, you're going to have this problem. There are bins. Once you buy a house, it comes with bins. And that's just a part of everyday life. And you becoming obsessed by the size, the colour of these bins. I mean, yes, it is a lot of bins. But that's where you live.

33:12Maria McErlane:I mean, bin laden, we don't actually have a real name for this person. But I would say, could you perhaps pop next door and say to your new neighbours, as lovely women by all accounts. Would you mind getting smaller bins? I mean, that is so petty. They're just going to shoo you away and say be gone.

33:31Graham Norton:And also, it won't improve the aesthetic of this picture. There'll still be six fucking bins outside, you know, with different colored lids on. So you just need to stop thinking about this. It's obviously, and it's sometimes I feel like with neighborhood problems or neighbor problems or situation. Once you let it in. It's going to make you crazy. It's going to drive you insane.

33:54Maria McErlane:See, the other thing I was thinking, Graham, is what about a bin store? So you get a little carpenter person or yourself, if you're that way inclined, or the ladies next door, apparently very nice, and you make a sort of wooden panel, then you could do a lovely trompe l 'oeil of bins. So you're hiding.

34:18Graham Norton:Nice old-fashioned bins with a kind of a metal lid, slightly askew. From the olden days. And perhaps a cat popping out. Yeah.

34:25Maria McErlane:And a small child, a little urchin child. No, you cover them up. That's what people seem to do. Everyone knows there's bins behind them, but you cover it up with a wooden thing and then you open a little gate and there are the bins on bin day, but you don't have to look at the red, green and yellow.

34:40Graham Norton:You can buy them online, those things. Can you? Yes, you can. Can you in Sydney, though? Yes, you can. Yeah, I was looking for a garden trellis when I was there.

34:48Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. What's happened to you? What have you done with Graham Norton? Bring him back immediately.

34:53Graham Norton:No, there are companies that will sell these things and different sizes and da-da-da.

34:57Maria McErlane:Is that a solution, though, to Bin Laden's problem? Is that a good one? I don't know.

35:01Graham Norton:It might cheer them up that they've now got a little, you know, a structure. They seem to like things. Yeah. And then pop the bins in. I mean, I'm not sure there will be a structure large enough to accommodate the big bins from next door. But there you go.

35:14Maria McErlane:Well, it's a sort of L-shape, so you could make a little L-shaped cupboard. And then you can paint it white that goes with your picket fence. Aesthetic. Aesthetic, yes. And then everybody will be happy. But you might have to say to the people next door, very nice by all accounts, would you mind awfully if we build a little thing and maybe you could pay half?

35:32Graham Norton:But also, I take great pleasure in the bins.

35:35Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. Do you?

35:37Graham Norton:I genuinely do.

35:37Maria McErlane:In what way? Please talk me through this.

35:39Graham Norton:I like putting the recycling in the recycling. I like remembering when the bins have to go out. I like then discovering they're empty like magic. And I like bringing them back in. I enjoy it all. So in your house, you're in charge of the bins. This looks like heaven to me. Apart from the food slop bin. Yeah. I hate the food slop bin. Suddenly we're like medieval peasants carting slops around.

36:03Maria McErlane:Isn't that composting? Isn't that what we call composting?

36:06Graham Norton:No, it's all the crap that is all food waste goes in. They call it a caddy. It's a slop's bucket.

36:13Maria McErlane:Yeah.

36:14Graham Norton:I hate it.

36:15Maria McErlane:And that gets, what happens to the slop's bucket?

36:19Graham Norton:You know it just gets put in the other, it all goes in the back of the one truck, I think. But anyway. Along with the recycling. Yeah, but I don't care what happens after I leave my house. I enjoy the separation in my house and I enjoy the putting it out and bringing it back in. Well. I found joy. Hold the front page, everyone. No, but I found joy. And whereas, you know, I think Bin Laden could find joy, and obviously is as obsessed by bins as I am, but they've chosen to be annoyed by them and I've chosen to like them. I'm going to stop you there. No, no, I have some more to say.

36:56Maria McErlane:You bought on a coughing fit.

36:59Graham Norton:Have the wangers got anything to say about this? No. Okay. They haven't. Yes, they do.

37:05Maria McErlane:Okay. Stephen from Glasgow says, move to a deserted island and bury your rubbish or throw it in the sea. Unfortunately, we all have to coexist alongside one another on this crowded planet. So suck it up. Your neighbours could be blasting music and shagging on their trampoline. So count yourself lucky for this little problem. I'm with you, Stephen from Glasgow. I'm with Stephen. I'm slightly annoyed I didn't read that in a Glaswegian accent. Oh, please. No, no, no. Chiara, Chiara in the Lake District says, what a load of rubbish. she even says see what i did there no set up a home owners association with existing neighbors and become the head of said hoa google how to set it up it seems like a lot of admin but you seem fond of writing things then send a letter to the new girls welcoming them with a set of brief guidelines for the street and ensure bin size is stipulated this will hopefully prompt a switch back.

38:05Maria McErlane:No, that's not going to happen. I don't think. Kerry says. I mean, that's like making a problem worse.

38:10Graham Norton:Now we're at a house owners association.

38:13Maria McErlane:Which nobody wants. Kerry says, maybe mention it to the neighbours diplomatically. How? But say what to them? I don't like the size

38:21Graham Norton:of your bins.

38:22Maria McErlane:Yeah, they may not realise the bins coming different sizes. Perhaps they could keep the bins out of sight until bin collection day. Where? Where are they putting them? In the bedroom? in the UK. You can get the leafy wrap. Oh, now you see. The leafy wrap, which people put around their bins. I will try and get to know the ladies. These things are often easier to navigate once you know each other rather than starting off on the wrong foot. That is very true. But I now am Googling leafy wrap. How did I get to this age? And not know about leafy wrap.

38:53Graham Norton:And also, like, we live in London. Do people not bother with leafy wrap in London? Maybe they don't. Because I guess London's urban. Maybe you live in the country, you think, oh, let's make it leafy. I don't know.

39:03Maria McErlane:Leafy rap. Leafy rap. I'm going to look it up. Jack in Bristol says, surely you can just very politely ask them to move their bins in front of their own house. No? Tell them they block your light and access, and that's why you've got smaller ones for yourselves. Now, go forth and enjoy your white picket fence life with your first world problems. I mean, I do think that this is an issue that affects everyone. I just have to say one last thing. My friends have done this thing where they constructed the bin store. And then on the top of it, I'm warming to this thing now after two hours. On the top of the bin store, they've got a living kind of, not like a living wall, but it's like a living top.

39:43Maria McErlane:A window box. No, it's like the whole bit of the top of the bin. What a grass roof. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's very nice.

39:51Graham Norton:Can I just say to the anonymous in Sydney, I saw that you're paving as well. I know the council's useless.

39:57Maria McErlane:So give them something else to worry about.

40:00Graham Norton:Look, person in Sydney, thank you for getting in touch. And we love that you wrote all the way from Sydney about your bins. And if you are getting in touch with any advice or with a dilemma, let us know where you are because we're very nosy. We'll have more serious problems just like that one next week. But for now, it's time for Am I Weird? We should have a proper little sting. I was thinking there should be a jingle. Am I Weird? That kind of thing.

40:22Maria McErlane:But then we've also got to have one that says, wanging on.

40:25Graham Norton:Oh, no.

40:26Maria McErlane:No. Okay. Today's Am I Weird comes to us from Cynthia. Hi, Graham and Maria. I've really got into family tree slash ancestry searches. Oh, goodness. I like to find high school photos for everyone, and then I judge how attractive they were. Considering these are all relatives, that probably isn't quite the norm. Am I weird? I don't think you're weird, Cynthia, but I think you need more in your life.

40:54Graham Norton:Look, I'm very open-minded, but I feel... Are you, though? I feel, Cynthia, that perving over pictures of relatives is weird. Let's call it weird, because we can't call it normal.

41:07Maria McErlane:So is she perving over dead relatives?

41:09Graham Norton:What does it just matter? They're just relatives.

41:11Maria McErlane:Well, she likes to see how attractive they were. So in this family tree, then there's a lot of dead people there. Okay. So I think... So you're thinking that's okay. I don't think any of it's okay. I'm thinking read a book.

41:27Graham Norton:She is about ancestry.

41:30Maria McErlane:I don't think you're weird, but I do think maybe you need some other hobbies as well, Cynthia.

41:36Graham Norton:Yes, maybe other hobbies. But I mean, and this isn't, I just feel it's weird that you've admitted this, that she likes to see how attractive they were. That's odd, I think, as a way to judge your family tree.

41:49Maria McErlane:What could you be looking at them for, just to see if you've got sort of Uncle Bert's eyes. That kind of thing.

41:54Graham Norton:Do they all look alike?

41:56Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. He looks like a serial killer, that sort of thing.

41:59Graham Norton:That kind of thing. And turned out he was. Yeah, which was lucky. Yeah, that was great. He was blessed.

42:05Maria McErlane:Especially as he was called Stabby McStabface. Nominative determinism, I believe that is called.

42:12Graham Norton:Oh, my goodness.

42:13Maria McErlane:Stabby McStabface.

42:14Graham Norton:If I only had a pen, I'd write that down. So what are we saying, Cynthia? I'm saying actually weird.

42:21Maria McErlane:No, I'm saying get out more. Not weird, though, because, you know, they're dead people.

42:27Graham Norton:Perving over dead people isn't weird.

42:30Maria McErlane:I think it would be weird if you stuck them all on the wall in your bedroom. That would be weird. But she's just looking. Okay. Yeah, no? No. You think it's weird?

42:40Graham Norton:I think there's something weird about kind of judging dead relatives on how hot they are. I think that's weird. And also...

42:48Maria McErlane:It's just like Instagram, but in the olden days. looking at old pictures and seeing, oh, I don't like that outfit that she's wearing, or that is beautiful.

42:55Graham Norton:I really don't think you should treat your family tree as Tinder. I do. I say no, Cynthia. I'm saying weird.

43:04Maria McErlane:The dead cannot sue.

43:06Graham Norton:I think that'll do us for this week.

43:08Maria McErlane:Thank goodness. I'm worried about my bins now. Very worried about my bins. I feel I need to paint them all in day glow orange.

43:16Graham Norton:I left my recycling out this morning.

43:19Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness.

43:19Graham Norton:They hadn't taken it. Oh, no.

43:22Maria McErlane:What if it's still there when you get back? Oh, no. Is the council any good round your way? Rubbish. Remember, if you need any serious expert advice about your bins or indeed anything else, head to the link on our Instagram page, which is at wangingon.

43:40Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graeme and Maria is a Listen production, and we will see you next week. Goodbye. Bye.

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